Tag: marriage

Probability of My Life Math

Learning

I stumbled upon this video in YouTube, my favourite online platform: How to Find a Spouse & Keep…. No, it’s not about that I’m religious. If the question is if I’m religious, the answer is never yes. My thinking is any idea, the responsible & fair one, coming from any faith on earth.

So the female Muslim scholar gave some advices & enlightment about marriage for women in 40’s (& above). Dr Haifa Younis calmly touched this heart & strengthened what I’ve thought about for so long. Marriage–

No, I’m not talking about the content only (marriage at 49’s or above). Connecting it to Probablity Theory in ‘ath seems more interesting to me.

If probability theory is about which ball of specific colour I will get if I blindly take one ball from a bag of hundreds or thousands or even millions of balls of different colours; life is about the bag with so many balls of colours (probabilities) decided for me based on my preparation & luck! While I can have my best preps, I still pray for the luck to take sides of me– and what colour granted to me is a combination of my preps & nature’s luck.

And yet that’s also not the point I see in the Mathematics probability. The most important thing of probability in life (to me) is about taking the bag as a whole without throwing away any balls within– any colours stay, fully accepted as the bag is handed to me. Any balls are welcomed guests to me; none is rejected when the ball is assigned for me. And that’s what I think about all probabilities in life incl but not limited to marriage.

There was time when I said no to marriage simply because of experiencing bitter & irresponsible rejection from a man back then. Yet after moving to Singapore and meeting sooo many mature & open-minded heads, I changed my mind. I became open to marriage, well preparing everyday through learning how to be a female human being and hoping for the best without pushing hard.

Preps & Luck!

If the ball is dropped for me, it is deliberately & lovingly welcome. Yet I don’t want to hurt my life to get the ball rolling.

Let life take care of it.

Probability theory in Math helps me much to accept life as it is.

Life is lighter with acceptance and a shade of letting go.

Thank you…. As always….

thank you, Ma’am for the kind reminder

Me Married? (cheerful)

Learning, Poetic, This Person
it's where two sweet hearts
meeting in a quiet meadow
to sing together

(haiku about an ideal marriage of mine)

When I was a high schooler I wanted to get married at 25. At 35 broken-hearted decided to be single forever; at 45 re-opened myself to any possibility–

While in my culture talking about romance or wishing to get married at my age is considered a shame, I proceed. I’m a human being— if they do, why not me? I’m so comfortable to say this even thinking it out loud in front of family and friends; and they were the one sometimes would feel less comfortable and tell me to be calm.

I’m calm and not in a hurry chasing anyone. I”m just so relaxed. I’m accepting the fact that wanting something will not affect my state of being thankful-to-be-me if what’s wanted doesn’t happen. At this point my thought is if I’m getting married, I’m happy getting married. If I’m not, I am happy not getting married.

Last Monday I watched a podcast in which Raline Shah was interviewed by Dave Hendrik & Iwet Ramadhan (my favourite duo the DVET) in YouTube. She highlighted what I’ve thought about for so long in life (maybe also what’s been thought about by many female single around me). 

And these are some loved statements of hers shareable to you all:

“I want us to still get married but I want to have faith that even if I have this job also be with you. So sometimes this independence creates insecurity in the man I date…”

It was about her stance on her own dream and the man she dated who wanted her to be just a wife instead of a woman with career.

“I would love to compromise my life. I would love to compromise my dreams because getting married is also another dream but I just don’t feel that in your natural state, does that person love you? …. They don’t really like you, they’re just in love with you.”

It was when she was asked if she would compromise her dream for marriage. This is truly a beautiful statement.

“Just be yourself para jomblo. Do what you like, …. And see who likes you for that version of you.”

Yes, being one’s self is a must. Oscar Wilde said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken“.

I hope all single people especially ladies in my culture (or other culture resembling mine) decide to get married or not because of their own choice, not because of no choice. It sounds utopic but it is what it is.

Cheerio, dear me!

Note: jomblo: single (not married) person

Iwet Ramadhan, Raline Shah, Dave Hendrik

Happy Together

Learning, love, Poetic
Walking the aisle
Two smiling earthlings can’t stop waving hands
To us
Who wonder
“They were toddlers we hugged,
Now they read solemn vow?”
It is a happy day
When we pray, laugh and eat together
Witnessing happiness that proceeds.

——

Matt, my best friend’s youngest son is getting married today! Matt and Cheer, Tante Rike happy for you 😘😘😘 send me all our pictures ♥️

cheering with groom’s mama after eating 😂 day is good with those looking forward to bright days ♥️

Without Love? (ranting)

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People
Love at the first sight
To what’s captured by senses
And stays in the heart—

—

One beloved person called me asking why I didn’t attend a nephew’s wedding party yesterday. I said I couldn’t as I’ve been physically “beaten up” because of an accident recently. After what happened, sorry and better be careful, don’t go biking at night, wear the right shoes; she started ranting….

“What are you looking for in life? Look at your nephews and nieces getting married one by one. They wish their best wishes for you but you don’t seem to care. You’d better find one man and get married and they will attend your wedding party with all love and gifts.”

“Not my priority”, I said.

“What is your priority? Your work? Your dream? What?”

It is sometimes annoying to be a single woman in a society in which marriage is highly appreciated and considered as highway to happiness. I feel so lucky for living overseas away from those caring so much about me so I can enjoy my life the way I love to. Many of my single girl friends call me now and then telling me how tiring it is to answer the same questions again and again even when they don’t seem to have problems for not getting married. We are mentally and financially stable. 😁

“Ok, tell me I’ll find one. I know you won’t want one like your last. Tell me.”

“Sexually straight and not abusive in any way possible.”

“That’s easy! It is just you so difficult! Sometimes you just have to give up your priority or your love. I got married without love and it goes well. Many of us do and it goes well. Know that we worry about you.”

Alamak…. 

Weekend still goes well. And I’m happily looking forward to another week.

Life is a mystery, and so is love. I love my life and I don’t worry. 🥰

message for all whom I love

the right place possible – Jun. 19, 2022/17:12

Marriage

Learning, life, love, Poetic, Those People
Married, Beloved,
To your shadow that follows
Wherever I go.

Divorced, Beloved,
From your doubt that hunts and haunts
Wherever I hide.

—-

One very long chat decorated a night. A childhood friend did sharing about what she had experienced when we were away for about 10 years, busy with our own life. This is her promise to tell the full story after giving hints and looking puzzled when meeting me.

She married thrice. First husband died of illness. Second abused and cheated her and so they divorced. Third one, this one has brought a lot of stories and enlightenment.

How she finally decided the third after the traumatic second has strengthened about my own lesson in life – acceptance. How she lets a seemingly perfect person be with her imperfect figure does add amazement about one of my loyalist. How she ignores words and stares from people disapproving her behaviours has told me she is still girl going foraging in the wild with me in our lively early age.

She hit me with some bitter comments about my complicated points. She ridiculed me for being so guarding and distant from risking broken heart to happen. She also highlighted how her love transforms to friendship that I would have not believed can happen to her – she is not a “friendship-friendly” type of person, she is a snapping turtle 😑

There are things she has regretted about all 3 decisions but the regret has brought her to a final realisation that her life has shaped her into a composed, mature woman strong yet flexible enough to be beautifully bent by the hardship of life. The pain pays off, she said. What a beautiful creature my dear friend is! 😘😘😘

This weekend has given me another package of lessons from our childhood. A blast from the past!

Weekend is still long. I’d better have more fun!

May all beings be happy! 🙏🏼

the commitment on paper needs realisation in 3 dimension reality with soul and trust – red torii in progress