The Director

Her life, Beloved,
Perfectly-directed film
Ready for Oscars—

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She sometimes forgets that life is a performed script in which she is casted to act out a given role the best she can. She should follow the director’s direction and directive.

What about spectators? She should ignore spectators. Spectators are stars whose job is to see and comment on the film. And they pay for what they see and comment. The payment goes to the stars!

So, dear Star. Fix your moves. Better your expression. Tag your ears with the melody. Live in harmony, with your own self like Javanese Bedhaya performers who are meditatively drowned in the sacred composition.

Oscars are waiting.…

…. Only if you play all out!

Heart and soul dancing through body 💞

Alhamdulillah 🌻

The Director from Pinterest
Bedhaya, the epitome of Javanese dance

Beauty

A wreath, Beloved,
A circle packed with beauty,
Arranged true colours—

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Dear Self,

When you’re bored, splash some paints! When you’re angry, splash some paints! When you feel happy, splash some paints! When you feel funny, splash some paints! When you get offended, splash some paints!

As honest as you to you when you’re alone, your colours speak the truth.

Yours truly,

Your own self 💞

a wreath waiting for the final touch 🎨

Beauty

Wasted it’s never
If blooming or not. Pretty
In its full cycle.

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Blessed again with 5 beautiful flower stems, accompanied by other beautiful growing not blooming orchids.

Beauty is not only in the flower. It is in the root, leaves, keiki, pot and their presence everyday.

Salaam.

🐣

balcony #1
balcony #2
balcony #3
bathroom window sill #1
bathroom window sill #2

River

River, Beloved,
Flows. Let things go with the flow
From, in, through, to you.

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Feel the flow: calm, swift, pushing, breaking, splashing, swirling, stuck, moving. No matter what, flow.

enzo on a plate
golden enzo

Disclosure

Seed deeply buried,
Grown finding the sun slowly—
It is about time.

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Good life was once tiny little secret longing for forgiveness and blessings.

I accept my history, present and future.

May all beings be happy. 💝

secret unveiled, happy life

Home

A home, Beloved
Not an outlook— it’s the soul
That hugs when inside.

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I bought my first property at 34, a bit late from the original plan simply because I was broke. It was a small house in Greater Jakarta, that is now called “Rumah Bob” (literally Bob’s home) named after my cat Bob.

It is one tiny house in a small cluster, uniformly designed with minimum freedom to show “me” — the owner can only have it painted different colours, install different window sills, plant different flowers and design different garden, add different carport, or maybe buy different cars.

That has motivated me to have a home that reflects “the me that I want to present”. None of the houses offered to me by brokers or friends hit my core although some were into my taste— of course some were simply too pricy. 😩 I rejected all offers.

Apology – Some people (who helped search property for me) thought I was too much because for some of them a house is simply a place to live in comfort, while I’ve always dreamt to live in a home where I can express the true me and help my guests understand their true selves by visiting the home. A few of them sarcastically said I shouldn’t have searched through them if I didn’t have enough money — ohhhhhh some bloody stings!!! 😂 Yet I did apologise to them for being so difficult.

I decided to buy a small plot of land in a greenery in Yogyakarta (my father’s home town) and build a home from scratch.

Architect – It’s very important to choose the right architect. Not necessarily the most prominent as to me integrity and friendship is the most important thing – luckily my best friend recommended her student to work on my dream. Working with an architect who was artist had blessed me. She understood what was wanted by her clients but she never got satisfied even when the clients said the final draft was excellent. She would get back to me saying “Mbak, I think I find which part should be optimised. I’ll get back to you with a new draft.” Thanks to Mbak Novi.

The Core – My home will never impress random onlookers from the outlook or those who think a good house is a luxurious building; they will simply think it’s a humble abode clean and fresh. It will only impress its guests, family and friends who truly relate with me as human beings with different kinds of engagements or those who know how to appreciate humanity and ordinary.

I wish to be granted health and prosperity to live long enough to enjoy being a sincere host in my true home to those who love life.

A dream come true! Alhamdulillah.

May all beings be happy. 💝

front door, greeting family and friends with all my heart and soul – no fake people are welcome

Cheese!

Be smile, Beloved,
A curve where warmth is contained.
Emoticon not—

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Smiling is an activity which will be a habit and the skin of the owner if well trained. And so it can disappear when not practiced anymore.

Smile and smile and smile then she’ll be the smile itself. Smiling is watermelon juice! Sweet and fresh!

Happy weekend! Skip laundry! Don’t care about the mountain of ready-to-wash. Just smile!

Salaam….

smile, Lucy! Lucy has started her job as a key ring at my bag and she has been trying to compete smiling against me 😁 hush! I’m winning 🙂

Cycled

After the moon? No.
The sun is where this heart walks
With rain that visits.

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Chasing what’s not clear and uncertain was an exciting thing for the hot-blooded. Dark, shadowy picture of what she once imagined has started fading away. The moon’s shift is over.

Walking in this forest, the leaves has rekindled her faith that rain is paying a short visit. When the rain stops, she will again realise that her heart is always enveloped in the warmth of clarity.

Sunbeam always opens a new chapter in which sunshine will take over what’s mysterious and frightening. Light will help her eyes see things the way they are, no assumption, no prejudice. It is what it is.

When she reaches the edge of the forest, she will step on a meadow where the moon is again sending shadow but this time there is no mystery anymore.

All is clear. All is well. What it takes is just counting the milestones and blessing all that are sensed.

May all beings be happy.

take the bent road or go ahead? your choice, the sun will guide you 🧭

Kebun Raya Purwodadi

A She In Words

A she, Beloved,
Is far and near, clear and blur,
But not true or false.

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Some people describe something so beautifully that others feel found and blessed. Those people are called the wise.

Weekend is rich with memes and kitchen; a bit chaotic with laundry and rain. Like a she she is! 🤩

All memes: from Pinterest

Walk On Not Away

Walk life on colours.
Down’s green. Up’s blue. Inside’s clear.
Here’s some red for fun.

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It depends on what she mixes on the pallets. Any hues will appear as she wishes.

She keeps working on a canvas because it is hers. Her parts of body work in harmony to draw a picture of her complete cycle of life.

She’s covered at least half of her journey so she won’t turn back. Besides, the sign doesn’t allow her to.

Weekend, weekend. 🍃

life is about moving forward, Singapore’s Treetop Walk reminded me that

Prudent Clown

Comic, Beloved,
Life through senses. Through head, storms—
Through soul, a great gift—

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‘m wishing the borders re-open soon so I can travel to meet my family and friends then have some chat with them while throwing sour jokes without emoticon or disturbed internet connection.

‘m wishing the borders re-open soon so I can travel to see my base home starting her life.

‘m wishing I’m as fine as now if the borders don’t re-open soon. 😎

Borders re-opening means no quarantine applied 😁 10-day in a closed room -how much ever it is comfy- is truly a must-not-happen-experience-in-life thing!

wisdom, humour and friendship at one table 😂

Life Should Be

Blissful, Beloved,
Joyful, gleeful— life should be.
Save the right window.

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‘m praying that I’ll be saved from any danger and threats from any creature. Amen…

Nagasari or Nogosari is rice cake filled with ripe banana, one “snack” included in Javanese praying ceremony. This food symbolises prayer to God for safety and security from any danger and threats from any creature; and so a Javanese’s life can be blissful, joyful and gleeful.

Always sit next to the right window, dear Self. 💝

prayer of safety and security in a piece of ramekin 🥰
modern Nagasari, should be wrapped in banana leaf but today it was steamed in a 💝 instead

Rose Garden

Garden, Beloved,
Fertilized with poisons? Dead!
Cinder rose goes off.

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A group call with my brother and sister in law is mostly either stupid or crazy. Once we talked about the old time passing and our addiction.

How someone gets addicted to something is mostly started from a physical or mental exit of pain— either clinically prescribed or personally decided— followed by excessive dependency on the substances or the activities.

I’ve seen how people addicted to medicine (I was to pain killer), drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc have changed from beautiful human beings into ugly persons either physically or mentally. It’s how awful co-dependency shapes someone’s life. Moreover, there is no addiction in any history that brings true happiness or freedom.

Three of us then discussed about someone who was addicted to something unusual: spiritual drills. Having all resources, the person went shopping on various classes and workshops about spirituality and self help such as meditation, mindfulness, tapping therapy, money magnet and how to optimise it spiritually, how to activate chakra, yoga and blahblahblah, gemstones and their spiritual power, mandala and spiritual awakening, how spiritual life pull financial abundance, spiritual traveling around many places, etc. One had been in one’s 60th class last time we met. One would be able to answer all questions in any possible ways. I called one ‘Mr/Ms Know All’, a euphemistic nick name that might be loved by those addicted to power and authority. Some friends called this person “Mr/Ms Spiritual Junky”.

What I remember about this person is that no one around was genuinely appreciated, everyone was just a “who-are-you-you-think-you’re-better-than-me”. One called most of one’s friends “cantrik”, a Javanese word that literally means follower/helper and would never be up to one’s level (one called one’s self healer and universe map reader).

How ironic! From someone who were full of compassion to someone who were full of envy and insecurity—

I think many if not all people to some extent were once addict who learned the lessons and changed the patterns to be free from co-dependency. My brother was a heavy smoker, been stopping for around 3 years. My sister in law was a Korean drama freak and quit. I myself was addicted to those I fell for and heavily overthinking.

“I almost got addicted to someone again.”

“Let go! Let go! Let go!” said they to me like cheerleaders.

Definitely! It’s a waste to wait for emotionally unavailable people to care that I care about them. I’m ok to get soaked in love and compassion but not in addiction to people. 💝

Addiction, oh addiction.

Alfatihah to all of those who are addicted to anything in any situation. Be healed and blessed.

are they addicted to gadget or hugs? so clingy, damn…. 😂

Addiction to technology?

cinder rose, dusty pink 🥰 from Pinterest

Madly In Love

Was madly in love,
Still am…. Realm is the limit.
…. With you, Beloved—

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Where is the end of love journey? Either hopelessness or time 💝

Alfatihah 💕

love poem of Nizar Qabbani

Nizar Qabbani

Fish Of Murky Water

Murky, Beloved,
That pool’s full of mud and smell.
Enough to kill fish—

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There is a proverb in Indonesian “ada udang di balik batu” literally “there are shrimps behind the rocks” that means there is a hidden (fishy) agenda.

I’ve received some invites from “unclear” people in Instagram, most are men that I believe scammers trying to lure a victim whatever they are aiming at from me; maybe as simple as attention or most probably money. And how did I feel? Disturbed? Not at all. Scammers are equivalent with friends with hidden (fishy) agenda— they are sources of entertainment either directly connected or just ignored.

God bless you all scammers. You’ll find a way to get a big money with your work, plus the logical consequences but not from me.

May all beings be happy.

barbecued pomfret – finally the fish (not from murky water) was served after some situational vegetarian period 🥰
sambal dabu-dabu, a specialty from Manado, North Sulawesi, Indonesia – I can never finish the archipelago culinary experience 🥰

Storytelling

Once upon a time:
A phrase introduced early,
Permanently stayed—

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When I was a child, adult people around me would tell kinds of stories especially under the full moon, and they always started the tales with once upon a time.

Although knowing that the tales were fictional, we children would still believe that those characters lived at the same time with us, it was just a distance apart, and that the lessons ought to be seriously taken by us— the naive little human beings. We have grown where making mistakes (formulated by moral values) is a shame, we were afraid of becoming those antagonist with unhappy endings in the stories told to us.

Storytelling is powerful indeed. How would I believe that behaving to parents without saying no is paramount in a human being’s life if it was not because of “Malinkundang” tale.

It took me years and years to understand that being well behave can be by saying no to anyone possible; and it was also because of listening to “Malinkundang” from different point of view.

It is at the end the sovereignty that frees human beings from their own toxicity. And it all starts with free questioning and responsible reasoning.

Wisdom isn’t about saying yes or no, it’s about saying yes or no in an appropriate way with respect to self and others.

Hey! I can’t say no to being vegetarian until I run errands and feed my fridge. 😁

situational vegetarian season #2 😁 – Cold Storage must miss me much!

Cane And Root

No cane, root can be.
Woods’re a case where food’s stored
Use your axe and fire.

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My fridge had not much for me to cook. There was only green here and there. Alamak! What to do?

Limitation is where creativity waits to be picked. Let’s do the experiment. Just don’t burn the kitchen.

Ahhhh! My roasted potato and pumpkin soup turned to be exactly the same as those served in 5-star restaurant. Really? Might not be but…. Sorry, my tongue comments what my tongue tastes. 😁

Alhamdulillah. May all beings be happy.

situational vegetarian – no meat, cook what’s left! 😁
not much in the case, while I’m hungry! 😌

Complete Life

Swear me, Beloved,
Taste the life as a package.
Or else you don’t live.

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High blood pressure is my best friend who always visits me after lamb party. It knocks on the door and slips into the bedroom then dances, swirling like a dervish. 😵

Lamb is good and gives me a beautiful headache! A complete package to sleep soundly.

🐑

Alhamdulillah….

today’s breakfast after Japanese class – lamb, then headache 🙃 sleep, sleep!

My Doors

A door, Beloved,
Reflects a host. Open, shut,
To which wind sources.
Or affects a host? Can be.
Decision and reflection—

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Know your door, Beloved. Some winds are good and calming, some strong and disturbing. Not all winds should be welcomed. Close your door if you’re not ready with cleaning and tidying in your home.

😎

These five senses are doors, too.

Welcome, Tuesday! I’m welcoming you with warm heart because you’re a nice wind to this home.

🍃

gebyok entrance – Javanese traditional teak wood art