graphs of my Universe
Dear mango flowers,
Bloom when I’m home, have some fruits.
Let’s visit neighbours.
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If you do good, your neighbours will be good, too. Really?
Not always. Sometimes however good you are, your neighbours will be not so good. Yet still do good, just give fewer mangoes to them.
Good discount should be given in some special occasions, right?
Hey, Neighbours! 🍀
A strand of white pearls
Harvested in the deep sea
Bedazzles her neck.
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There is time when I regret of what’s done and nervous about what will happen. Why did I do that? I should have done this. What if I fail again? I am not good enough.
I used to think money was everything with happiness but I prove that money is the biggest illusion in life that I misunderstood. Now I consider money should be merely a tool, never a purpose. Yet I still think of what if my company stock price decreases? 😁
I used to look for happiness and protection in a relationship. With experiences I become strongly convinced that only a healthy relationship with the self can help me cope with problems; moreover, without healthy relation with my self any relationship with others won’t work well. Yet I still don’t heal from broken heart easily and still think whether or not I will meet someone I can share some simple happiness and shelter with.
I was between life and death situations more than once for some illness before, and so helpless about future. And gradually I realise that death can come anytime even when people are healthy. Yet I still hope I die when I let go of any confusion and live in clarity.
However, there is time when I know that only in the now I can accept everything. In the now I can shed tears with mixture of gratefulness for what’s breaking my heart and blessings of what’s boosting the quality of life. In the now I can smile just by seeing piling laundry waiting for ironing. In the now I can see the canvas is the door of self healing. In the now I can imagine sending a cake full of love for my loved ones who live in many different places, whom I cannot visit with many reasons. In the now I can see shades of real and true happiness in each and every experience from wake up to sleep.
Thank you for the now and now and now that form a strand of pearls called forever.
I live forever until the last now meets with the first now.
Al Fatihah to all of my loved ones across the oceans. I bless you happiness.
Salaam….
Harvest is to reap
What’s nurtured from the nature.
Good plans might not work.
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Last weekend was one of the merrier offs. Meet up with friends in different places + online conversation with best friends did draw interesting facts about how they apply parenting.
I’m against those who consider children as investment. This mindset is broadly believed where I was raised. This old concept has poorly discouraged many of us to grow as we are.
Many children from my time feel that their success should be to fulfil what their parents want as the investors who often time consider financial support is paramount, not to actually use their own ideal dreams to contribute to society as an individual with their unique ID and personality.
No, I don’t deny how important formal education is for modern human beings. And so financial support -normally from parents in my society- should be highly appreciated by those who enjoy the privilege. Yet the financial support should not make children become economically vulnerable against their parents.
In the other hand children must know parents -assumed as the major or primary support before living independently- get old and need support in their retirement and so those elderly should be well taken care of. This should be a form of respect and responsibility, not an abusively forced task.
Good parents should know it is a responsibility to prepare children to be responsible human beings; good children should know it is a responsibility to support parents in retirement time. 💝
It is not easy to deal with parents who don’t give room or give very thin chance to bridge gaps of many topics. One of the significant result is these children fail managing their own future plans: losing the chance to work in a dreamed place, missing the chance to live abroad, getting married with someone they don’t love or being single for not getting approval to get married with the loved ones, and so on and so forth. I’m one of those 😝
When one best friend said she wanted her son to be so and so but the son shown his rebel, I couldn’t resist myself to not say “Do you remember why you are now still there?”
She laughed and said,”Ok, ok thanks for reminding me. But you are not married. haven’t been a parent, haven’t had children that’s why you can say that easily…..! You would be disappointed if your children grow not up to your expectation. You would never want them to live below your standards. They should be the one materialising parents’ dreams that are missed. What would you say, my dear?”
Damn! She might be right!
However, how would parents expect children to be what the parents failed to be? Don’t they think children will fail to do so as well with the same style of parenting parents copy from grandparents (who failed in the first hand)? 😫
Please forgive me, best friend. Can’t always agree with but respect your stance. If I have children, I won’t lazily apply the dictatorship or transactional relationship. 👍🏽😘
I thank God to be single in this situation although I have smaller hope to “harvest my own next generation”. I’m quite happy that my brothers (and some crazy good friends) allow me to love their children as an open-minded aunt cum good friend when they need to have fun smart discussions. 🥰
May all beings be happy.
This life, Beloved,
Needs greenery and friendship
To stay beautiful.
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Someone can’t truly live without dreams. Dreams make days clear with focus and full of energy, nights calm with focus and full of serenity.
Simple dreams will do; as simple as doing daily gardening on a small courtyard garden and veggies garden around a house that is hosting simple rendezvous of family and good friends, cooking, teaching free language classes and life skill or tips of management or leadership to those who need, traveling light to places friendly to weaker body, sharing how life is so broad and deep with those who care.
Come true. Come true. Come true. 🐣
Wake up! All is still on paper. Go back to work! 😃
May all beings be happy. 💝
They gild the lily,
Making them salt to the sea.
Ocean in a drop—
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When I was very young, I could desperately envy those who were physically beautiful, intelligently wise and, spiritually mature at the same time. How could people be blessed with such full readiness to face the complex life and completeness to address its various issues? I’m sure I wasn’t alone; many human beings were on the same boat with me.
Yet getting older has helped me not want anything but more consistently feeling comfortable to be my own self and realising that those perfect people only looked perfect because they were perceived through imperfect eyes (my young ones 😉).
Proofs and revelation then taught me acceptance to live with limitation, imperfection and physical flaws. In many ways I’ve seen blessings in me more than the perfect.
Being ordinary has saved me from getting high demands to be a gorgeous woman who should move gracefully in front of the crowd, a pious person who should perform religion disciplinedly or a wise friend who should give good advices when needed anytime. I’m blessed!
Being ordinary has driven me to live with only two goals: to enjoy being my own self and to do what’s best in life to be as much beneficial in my short life. With not much to choose, life is forced to be the integration between persistence and dedication, a commitment of body, mind and soul.
Fortunately being flawed is like an ocean. Ocean is full of beauty especially the deeper the diver is willing to explore; like Captain Nemo who found beauty in the depth of the sea that wasn’t witnessed by those who never traveled in Nautilus. However, thousands of cubics of any possible wastes are also dumped to the vast water: plastics, oil, waste water, many kinds of garbage and probably millions of memories drawn by broken hearts. A perfect beauty full with paradox!
Rumi reminds through one of his verses “You are not a drop in the ocean; you are the entire ocean in a drop”. A perfection in imperfection—
Truly an existence is perfect when with natural flaws and complete acceptance.
Nothing is more blessed than accepting one’s own self and taking care of one along the journey.
Summary of today’s conversation with my best friend 🐣
May all beings be happy 💝
Plants greet gardeners,
Life shows generosity.
Optimism springs.
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Sometimes what she needs is optimising the sight in enjoying spectrums of light reflected through colours around her and rests. Then only a meadow of no feeling…. All can be called whatever it is, she prefers calling it beauty.
She realises rain has brought a lot of happiness to the orchids. It probably contains fertiliser triggering blooms and blossoms. Strong roots, healthy leaves, appearing flower stems, keiki. Thank you.
Nature greets those who’d like to take care of others who also want to survive, even the least of care is repaid.
Salaam….
Numbers, Beloved,
Tell you what life has brought in.
Blissful happiness—
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7 or pitu in Javanese is an abbreviation of pitulungan that means help, aid, assistance, support in any form in a situation when a Javanese feels helpless and hopeless.
In life I believe whatever enjoyed whether it’s a tiny achievement or accessibility have always been in 3 forms of pitulungan: from my ally, my enemy or from the invisible.
It’s my ally for sure. They will never let me down because when I lose, they will lose as much as or even worse than I do. We’ll work together to achieve our common goals. My family, my friends, my colleagues.
The enemy? Believe it or not, I’ve won a lot of battles with the help from enemy. Unfortunately they never realise that the harm they caused have been the best fuel for me to boost myself to achieve what they’ve never thought would happen with their bad influence and/or actions. My enemy think their strikes against me will ruin me. Oh never, my dear. You throw me bricks, I build a castle!
And the invisible is a never-ending support I’ve received since I was a baby. I was born difficult my mother said. I got sick when I was a girl. I grew in an environment where popularity was the most appreciated; if you were ordinary (although with high quality of quotients), you would not be appreciated. I grew up humble and naive and knew nothing about (dirty) competition. If I’m not protected by the invisible, I would have lost every battle against opportunists and deceivers.
I’m so lucky to be surrounded by 7, pitu-pitulungan, a number the Javanese sacredly celebrate. And the three layers of 7? Definitely mine!
Thanks, 7. You’re not the 7 sins or evil other people consider. You’re not the 7 of bad luck on crap tables.
You’re a 3-layer 7 sent by the Life to protect me forever.
May all beings be happy.
Moment, Beloved
The breeze before falling rain
Greets the earth. A joy—
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Moment is when an experience gets clicked with all senses, falls on to the right-chosen meanings, stays for a longer time.
Yet each moment should vanish, fade away, blend into pixels of maturity in someone’s life. It will be forgiven, might be forgotten, must be learnt as life lessons. How delicious this life is for those who are willing to appreciate both shade and light. How beautiful life is as it is composed by millions of pixels of different experiences whose essence is memorable.
The more experience, the better? Yes, only when its essence is memorable. Its essence is memorable only when all senses are capturing the experience and reflecting it through lesson learnt. Or else, it is just motion gone with the tick-tock of a clock— not forgiven, not forgotten, no learnt-lesson.
Walking through the lanes around Masjid Sultan, sitting at the verandah of an old shop lot, reading new old-book from Wardah Books, drinking Turkish coffee, sucking the sweetness of kunefe, breathing the air right before the rain, hearing the warm chats from other tables are all motions which are waiting for the moment to disclose beauty before things end. The taste of life!
Weekend is always much appreciated through slow pace, to balance the fast-paced demanding targets that are relevant for a preparation before the next beneficial life journey.
May all beings be happy.
Alaturka Mediterranean and Turkish Restaurant, gonna be back again (and again) 🥇
Life pace, Beloved
Chosen wisdom, loved glory
Of everyday life—
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I wish to retire at 52 and will be a person with not too many layers of identity, being a human being living a slower-paced life, contributing to smaller society and community with my own hands with all my heart and soul, respected as I am I am not as I am who is associated to prominent organizations.
One of good friends reminded me to get prepared for that will definitely be a much different life. There won’t be luxurious facilities enjoyed, privilege given, smiles and hand shake or bow. She says it’s gonna be a true life though loved and respected by those with genuine love and respect. No transactional courtesy, all is about friendship and humanity.
When? Still long time to go but short enough because now I live in a fast-paced life.
Time to prepare.
Once retired, I won’t want to be in contact with those who have respected me because of business or money. They should be eliminated from friendship. They will deserve others who have the capacity.
May all beings be happy. 💝
This heart is a pot
With seed buried in its dark,
Growing to the light.
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Always believe in the beauty of human’s heart. The darkest of it there is still a dot of light that will brighten one’s life! There must be at least one tiny dot of light.
Believe it. Run free like Bambi playing in peaceful woods.
Enjoy this blessed weekend! Take all light, as light as feather
🐣
Salaam….
Deny all what’s not
Is a start where to find me.
Seed to be seedling,
Tree decayed, the decayed soil
Eaten by air. Who am I?
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Identity is a consequence of marriage. You marry the country, you’ll be a nationality but what if your passport expires? You marry a company, you become an employee but what if you retire? You marry a career, you are higher and higher but what if you are not promoted? You marry a clique, you become a friend but what if they kick you out?
You marry a person, you become a spouse then a mother then a grandmother, etc. You are a wife only to your husband. You are a mother only to your children. And so on.
What you have married brings you an identity. Layered identity is wrapping you.
You can marry as many as those to earn identity. You can’t be any of them forever and you can’t be with those you marry forever. None of them is permanent; there’s a time for each of them.
Are all those identities you? After living this long, I can confidently say NO.
I thought I was this body, but the body deteriorate. I thought I was the mind, but the mind is so inconsistent. I’m not even this name.
There must be a question inside that you can’t deny, dear Self. Who…. Are…. You?
The answer lies at one point of your cruise. Grab your apparatus and dive in your own deep ocean, Self.
Be alone some time either when alone or among the crowd, and naked in front of your own self. Deny all what’s not and find the truly you.
I love you, my dear self.
💝
Curtain of water
Falls down from the sky. Earth says
Thanks for the blessings.
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Rain has come almost everyday making the heart comfy and calm. Rain has always strengthened any kinds of dreams about this life. Rain is always the trigger of productivity.
So, never go away, Rain.
Oops! My laundry, my laundry….!
🤪
these boys’ uniform reminds me of my childhood; in rainy days I would ignore umbrella and just ran home pushing the curtain of water 💝 hey, the boys were on the way to school not home that’s why they needed the “umbrella” 🥰
Green hedge keeps growing.
It’s beauty and protection,
Keeping bugs away.
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Some boundary should be set. Yes, it should. In certain situation it becomes a must.
When I was young, I used to think friendship ought to be taken for granted. This person’s young eyes were not sharp enough to recognise which was pure gold and which was gold-plated. Manipulation was never known by this mental dictionary. All smiles and good words were the same to me, they meant kindness.
After knowing what gold is, now it is clearer who should play in my garden of life a little bit deeper as real friends, those who can safe-keep more information about this precious journey. My smiles and good heart are free of charge for everyone, but beautiful green hedge with a humble strong gate will select who can enter the gate then the front door then living room then library then dining room then kitchen or finally to my bedroom. Not all are allowed to stay in for too long with privileges. Some couriers of messages or packages can only stay for one minute or two for the delivery then off they should go!
Boundary is not necessarily a fort. Beautiful plants around this home should be clearly understood that permission is required for guests to enter the premises.
I know when people don’t want me in their circle and that’s fine. So, I hope people know that my green hedge is the limit. Stepping on the line means violation and security alarm will go off.
Stop there, dear friends. Fix yourself before fixing others. Your experiences are not needed here. 😸
May all beings be happy.
Dream is more than true.
It’s alive in different world.
Sail, Dream. Sail to me.
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If you’ve got dreams, never kill them no matter how impossible they look, with one condition: they should be good dreams that don’t harm other creatures. Live with the dreams. Ship them to reality with all whispers and prays.
Dreams are standing in queue, waiting for the door to open up to them.
Just like my biryani!
I don’t mind throwing up biryani today. 😁
Salaam….
Hello, cool water!
Long time no see. Time to play
I’ll plunge, you’ll catch me.
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Vast water is my phobia. When “too many mind”, I would imagine big snake or big shark swimming in the pool and cause me stop swimming. People might think I swim for 1.5 to 2 hours but actually only 20 to 30 minutes; the rest would be walking hopping dancing in the water and sitting near the pool. Stupid things are medicine. 😁
Water heals: giving freshness to the body, washing away stiffness and tense, training the mind to be realistic 💝
“Maybe swimming in the morning so that you won’t imagine shark and snake?” said my friends. “No, water doesn’t go well with sun ray; they would burn the skin darker and darker,” said I. 😜
Life is often misunderstood by those with phobia. The only thing is to see things as they are. Some dangers won’t be actually present; they are only an exaggeration by the mind. Shark and snake exist out there where divers are risking their life for fun. Amateur swimmer will only meet dry leaves and sudden heavy rain. Live simply and sweetly like swimming calmly and gracefully….
Hey, hey! Sometimes I think how many people have peed in this pool. 🤮
May all beings be happy.
Orbit, Beloved
A line when I am aligned
With you. Only you—
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You are the center of my orbit. Either I am a planet or a comet, I’m circumambulating around you.
Missing you much, I whisper “Gravity, Gravity, Gravity….
Green is forever
On the belt of this round earth.
How would I leave it?
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It is green that makes things fresh and refreshing. When I was young, I thought being young was too long a time and I wanted to grow older soon so that I could wear my eldest sister’s beautiful skirts and dresses. Now I’m old, I feel that there was so much I should have done that I’ve missed. If given the chance to get back to that period, I would be this me but with a little more shade of patience and enjoyed everything with no fear. Alas! I thank God though that I don’t have to get back to that period as there were incidents I never want to re-experience at any cost.
Being green being young, I’ll keep it in heart and soul. Let my body weaken, but my inner stays fresh without boredom to spread the vibes like the khatulistiwa which stays green as long as human beings want to breathe fresh air.
May all beings be happy. 💝
Cool breeze sweeps dry leaves,
Branches stretch to where Wind blows.
Where do you go, Wind?
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How can I ignore my own silence? How can I listen to the noise more? It is tiring to leave my own self behind, I’m doing it though. I haven’t trusted my self. 🙃
This mind acts like dry leaves, scrambling frantically just because of cool breeze. Sometimes it moves lazily in panic pulled by strong wind, changing directions every now and then. Lightly and heavily moving because of doubt and fear of failure—
Trust is what can help. Trust that there is a net catching me when I free fall. Trust that there is light at the end of the tunnel although I haven’t seen it yet. Trust that I’m in process, not lost.
Trust is a light word, weighing as heavy as an unmovable mountain.
May all beings be happy. 💝
Where is the kitchen, Dear?
Done; now dining area—
Let’s dine together.
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Some discussion is naturally heating and escalating. And a recent one with some friends was one of them.
Started with questions of why do those people do this and that in the name of religions? What do you think about what happen in those countries?
“Perhaps none of the things in a religion is wrong. It is the interpretation of the script, interpretation is product of thinking that can be wrong or inappropriate. Many religious people rigidly think that only their interpretation is the truth. Only they can go to heaven. They behave as if they are the committee of heaven who decide who can enter the gate. They claim this and that. They don’t give space to others to present different opinions. For example the dark face of Islam nowadays is because of the image given based on how the Holy Quran is interpreted and presented by popular groups (minor percentage unfortunately) and it might not be the real teaching.
That religious interpretation has not built in vacuum chamber. It’s been loaded with political interests and competitions among scholars who have had different thinkings and interests based on whatever their strongest points at a certain time. Things have not been purely and objectively dedicated to the welfare and safety of ummah (people). It’s been always power and money.”
To me religion is a kitchen where a host optimises cooking skills and high standards of all ingredients and processes; attitude is a dining area where the host serves the best food to the guests with kindness and respect. I harvested this wisdom from a Javanese elder years ago and since then stopped religion discussion with those who only want to create tension or force belief to me.
Acceptance that truth is layered (personal, shared/agree, absolute) and should be respected is now my standpoint. Institutional religion is not my interest anymore. All religions are unbroken chains of stages of human beings’ ethical values development on earth.
Personal truth is what one believes with all the concoction of what one holds based on one’s understanding and experiences. In this layer religions can be very private and unique, based on how one has been raised since one was fetus up to now. My truth might not be yours and the vice versa.
Shared/agreed truth is agreements about things. This agreement becomes what are believed and strived by a group of individuals be it friendship, society, organization, sect, country, etc. In this layer religions might be used (even abused) to be commodity to drive policy and power; or institution to build boundary and authority.
Absolute truth is the core truth, no bias no spectrum, the vacuum chamber. In this layer religion might be nothing but a concept misunderstood, misinterpreted, mistreated, misused by many human beings. This absoluteness never belongs to any creatures on earth even Prophets, Messengers or Saints. It is the privilege of The One who might have been misunderstood by every single believer or thinker or whoever on earth. The One will only give signs and symbols in order for human beings to clarify and verify the truth. The One gives all tangible and intangible senses as tools to decipher the signs and symbols; however, The One lets the creatures decide how the senses are used— whether the tools are well kept and calibrated to work well, it is up to them.
I don’t worry about how I practice religion. What those people think about a religion might be not right at all; of course I might be wrong either.
The Prophet said “I was sent to uphold and complement ethical values.”
How could a group of people claim they do the right interpretation of the religion by doing unethical things? Discrimination, harassment, abuse, killing, stealing (corruption included), cheating (manipulation included), etc…. Is this the right thing as what the Prophet did teach about ethical values?
I guessed not. Now I don’t believe so and I don’t think so. Sadly many read text without context— jokingly intelligent.
Some days are tough when questions about religion bother.
I’m sorry, dear friends. I can’t always agree with you.
May all beings be happy.
If you love yourself,
Fry some eggs, sit on the porch,
Think of fried chicken.
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When eating egg, why thinking about chicken? This mind is a monkey— nimble and energetic when awake. It only sleeps, when the holder is dead. I’m still alive so let the mind move freely, with a fence right on an edge of a cliff.
Happy weekend!
🐥🐣
rike jokanan 
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