Only Where I Am

Seeing morning’s sun,
Warmed by noon’s, serene through moon.
Only where I am.

Ever thought that where you are is not the best place on earth? Change your mind soon!

I’ve always loved Asia especially South East Asia. People might think it’s because I’m now living in that place and never go anywhere else. Yes, that’s a primary reason but there are other reasons.

Long story short, I tried short stays in different places with different climates and culture and I conclude that where I am now is the best place: enough sun everyday, relatively same length between night and day the whole year. What’s more we can find friendly neighbours —in big cities people are less warm but relatively quite friendly, access to more vegetables and fruit, food is tastier with touch of herbs, more affordable living cost, and so on and so forth.

Last but not least in where I live spirituality is a daily life blended with nature— no I’m not talking about religion, institutional religion isn’t an interest of mine anymore. People don’t have to wait until certain days to pray, God or god is just a daily reality, sacred in the heart normal topic in public. People don’t have to organise registered charities to help others; not all people are trustworthy but I love in a circle where integrity is topmost criteria to survive. People don’t have to be certified to teach spirituality class; when I was young I simply knocked on neighbours’ doors and asked them about cultural and spiritual wisdom and we didn’t have to pay a cent.

Not ideal to all, but that’s a perfect life to this person

I’ve always dreamed to have a home base in culturally-integrated-not-so-crowded city like Bali, Yogyakarta or Ayutthaya when not traveling. It’s gonna be a sweet, warm landed property that once in a while welcomes family and friends to share ideas about this fun life and their great mind. Oh, don’t forget with lots of plants and at least two cats around! Dog? Maybe, the lazy one so that we don’t have to walk it everyday 😘

Dream on, dear Self. Hug the imagination while weekend is around. 😁

Don’t forget to wakey, wakey on weekdays! 😁

May all beings be happy.

Scents Of The Unknown

Scents of the unknown
Lingers in the air. Muguet:
Earthy, green, floral—
You’ve turned spark to fire burning
Dreams to fuel a sweet journey.

All people love fragrance; not necessarily perfume but yes I’m talking about it.
Let’s agree that fragrance is one of the best gifts in life – I mean…. I am not naturally smelling like flowers, but I love nice air coming into my nostrils and celebrating the beauty of nature through one of the human’s senses. Don’t you?

At times when we are wearing perfumes, we’ll subconsciously reminisce moments featuring individuals that we might or might not clearly remember.

Lemongrass mostly reminds me to Ayutthaya. Jasmine connects to a place in Erawan, Bangkok. Frangipani brings Ubud back to memory. Rose to one factory in Vietnam. Lemon brings me to my humble abode in Greater Jakarta. Sandalwood to my mother who loves sandalwood. Lavender to my father whose pomade was lavender-based. And so on, and so forth.

Recently there came unknown scents that reminded me to some people. I was browsing perfumes, and trying certain fragrances, particular moments and faces struck me stealthily. Goodness! Now I captured them through various fragrances! Moments, faces and nuances intertwined in the liquid. The memories might have been traced and downloaded by our brain! Unknown scents have empirically proved to represent impression caught about someone.

I’m now liking lily of the valley or muguet scent because it reminds this person to a most beloved. I don’t think that person splashed muguet when meeting with me but he suits that attar. What an overestimation it is! It’s ok, he doesn’t know 😂

Recommended: Go for a new experience in perfumery and investigate what scents connect you to what moments or which individuals. You might find a way to get rid of bitter past and/or revive good spirits to be happy.

Guess I know why I can’t relate well to some people that’s why they are connected to certain aroma that I’m not fond of. Probably…. Or just my superstition….

One person’s favourite scents might not be others’ ones.

That’s life.

Singapore – Jan. 7, 2021 / 23:06

May all beings be happy.

one of pictures in Wikipedia – https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lily_of_the_valley

Four-Letter Words

Four-letter word, Love.
I take love to deal with you.
With full risk I know.

God talks about love. Religion talks about love. Many people refer to divinity and humanity.

Rumi talked about love. Ibn Arabi talked about love. People interpret their topic of love in wide spectrum: lustily physical, romantic, humanity, divinity — from the simple to the absurd. And it is always beautiful whatever the perspective is, as long as love becomes the foundation.

You can approach love from your own experience, the message is simply between Lover and Beloved. People may judge your message of love, but you are the truest judge to yourself….

From a seed of awe
Grew secret admiration.
Joy in painful hide
Summed up by a flash farewell—
I love you from where I am.

Love is actually personal experience that internally grows or flickers out based on the quality and responses. I find in my experience loving someone for many years without him knowing it until we took a farewell—he might only know he is special to me and not more; love grows but wisely stops expecting anything. Why expecting if you don’t even get the expected responses from the person and there is no entrance to learn more about the one that you love? Poor me? No, I’m lucky that love has tested me and I pass.

Yes, the most important thing is to test love, how true it is. What if your love isn’t intense anymore? How if the one you love doesn’t love you? How if you find your love evolves? All those rubbish absolutely happen. 😂

It is always good to talk about love. Love deserves a talk, in either low or high pitch, anger or soberness, silence or crowd, far or near, laze or excitement….

A bunch of roses
Present flowers, leaves, stems, thorns—
Where is the root, Love?
It’s left in the heart, where growth
Is truer and forever.

Yet for those who never contemplate or who don’t care, love is difficult to embrace and feel. The vibe can be so fake or vague without physical presence. They need definition of love, which can only degrade the quality of it. Just do….

What have I ranted about?

Too much for the last day of new year’s holiday but too good to be unsaid to start very good years ahead!

I send my best regards to you across the ocean. Happy and Healthy New Year! I love you from where I am.

May all beings be happy.

Singapore – January 4, 2021 – last day of holiday / 14:10

Is And Is Not

Rains talk about it:
What is and is not; unique,
Comprehensive Self.
Woven with thousands of threads,
Dyed in thousands of colours—

It’s about you, Beloved…. You that is understood and at the same time misunderstood….

May all beings be happy.

Kanji, Phew!

Lines, curves and dots drawn
Convey meanings and stories.
Quaintly logical—

I thought learning Kanji would be a mission impossible, it turned out to be a fun game. Thanks to my good teacher who has always encouraged me to practice, practice, practice. ありがとう ございます、先生。Also thanks to the supplementary books I found in Kino today!

According to the book Kanji is ideographic, not phonetic, which means that each character represents a concept or an idea rather than a sound.

There is a group of Kanji called Joyo Kanji (Kanji for daily use) that are normally learnt by Japanese during their 9 years of compulsory education. It means I’m in that teenage stage of learning and so need fun way of learning to keep motivated in a consistent concentration span.

And don’t be afraid to make mistakes! —- Ok, just don’t repeat too many ‘coz repeated mistakes are equal to planned crimes 😁

page one of Kanji book drilled by Sensei Hanny
new lethal weapons!

Sometimes

Sometimes it’s the place,
Always the people. Stay put.
None beats inner peace.

…. and the eternal flame of Soul once again ignites the understanding that gratitude on what’s given is much bigger than what’s promised.

…. and you can never get rid of me

Forever….

God is love?

Dog is love!

May all beings be happy.

Twisting Logic

Wanna twist logic?
Learn foreign languages or
Backpack with no cash.

While the Arabic won’t twist my logic so much, the Japanese is a bit of a challenge ‘coz it is a brand new thing. Arabic has been a background play since I was young although I am only good at reading and writing. In fact, Japanese is totally a logic twist and takes some resource commitment if I want to achieve my target: intermediate level in all 4 skills (reading, writing, listening, speaking).

As electronic learning sources are not suitable for my eyes, I decided to boost my effort through traditional way: all paper-based. Books, cue cards, dictionary, etc…

Among all those tools, there is one that I am most impressed of: the karuta card. Not the uniqueness of the cards itself as cue cards are used in all language classes but more about the age of its existence that amazes me. It is a deck of playing cards aged back to 16th century, brought by the Portuguese sailors to Japan. Since then it has been a tool for fun game, fun learning and even competitive game.

Go search “karuta” that means card in Portuguese (in Bahasa Indonesia it is kartu), and you’ll find various webs explaining about karuta from its history up to how to play it.

Found two decks in Kinokuniya bookstore today together with dictionaries that will be a company for all children books in the reading list. Fun study yay!

Let’s get the ball rolling!

Lovin’ Ma Bike

Lil knoz ‘bout a gal
Bikin’ crashin’ co’nut tree
Laughed and helped at once

Remembering what you did in childhood is like watching cartoon movies, entertaining and energizing. How painfully the bad time was brought to you, when recalled, it brings a good smile back to your face.


When I was a girl, I loved riding bike. Often time racing with no one just with my beloved red one, enjoying the wind as if I was the queen of the road. Old people knew I was one of the careless.

One day I took off hands from the handlebars to clap hands singing along. Stupidly… No… Excitedly! Thought I was good enough as a bike rider. So, the wind took control of the bike in high speed as we were sliding from a sloping edge. We crashed into a coconut tree in front of neighbour’s house. It was my first bloody accident in life and not the last for sure 😊 I was lucky to live in a community who believed that children of the neighbourhood were the responsibility of all…

By then bike and I always met our rescuers. Now I won’t, so I ride bike wisely…. 😁 So far only one mudguard wheel was gone because of one silly accident —an irresponsible electric scooter didn’t want to slow down and forced me to get stuck to the side of the bike way pushed us to a tree. Hope no accident anymore 👍🏽

Nothing happens for no reason. Always be happy how much ever life sprinkles bitter to your plate. Hope all become good memories when we see it from later time.

May all beings be happy.

Red Carnations

Through red carnations
She says goodnight, sleeps away
In his bright morning.

May you be happy in your bright morning.

Classes In Pandemic

What a given time!
Fluency and artistic test,
All measured and timed—

—-

This working from home has given me less travel time and automatically much shorter time for its preparation and unpacking etcetera. This should be well used, too as without it my sleeping disorder has caused a lot more trouble than before so I decided to take some online courses that have sprung like mushroom in rainy days.

I took some online courses in Udemy and some other course centres that offer more rigorous online courses during this pandemic. In Udemy I took massage class for baby, root cause analysis, project management, and so on and so forth — those are done independently, just read and listen to some lectures and do some test with or without certificates. The other two are language classes: Japanese and Arabic.

Why do I chose those courses? All that I took are all that I need.

Ayurvedic massage for baby? Don’t laugh! I am inspired by Yu Yat, my late baby sitter and “second mother”. She was the one taking care of me since I was a red baby until I reached 12 years old before I could take care of myself, while my parents were extremely busy as civil servants. In her late life my baby sitter continued her mother’s professional legacy as a baby masseuse – Javanese baby massage. I visited her everyday whenever I spent holiday in mother’s home. Seeing her handle the babies was my favourite and I told her that I wanted to be a baby masseuse like her and she said “You can but why do you have to? You have a very good job and you might not have time to do it.” She was right and it was forgotten for so many years but inspiration never dies – and so I took an online class. I plan to practice it when visiting my mother’s town after pandemic, Yu Yat’s sister in law continues the profession so I can “borrow one client baby”. Hope it is a success. Who knows I can be a baby masseuse in my retirement time. Yay!

The other classes are all things related to my jobs, I am “sharpening my claws”. Wicked lady! Haha!

And the language classes? I need them to better the quality of life. Japanese? I do communicate with Japanese whose English is mostly not up to my par — not all but most. The way they express their idea in English has either confused or annoyed me. And when I interacted with those guys I found at times they were laughing at me – bloody hell I don’t like to be laughed, men! I checked with the people working for me yes those men were laughing at me not to underestimate me but just because they don’t feel easy with a woman being so authoritative and open. Oh my! What is a female employee supposed to do at work differently from the male? Washing their coffee mugs or polishing their shoes? So I promised that I will at least understand Japanese and know when they laugh at me so that I can scold at them. 😁 No, no, I just want to make my conversation with them at ease. Japanese men are the most insecure male creature I’ve ever met on earth so I understand why they behave like s***** people sometimes. And, who knows I can write my first haiku in its original language someday? Yay!

Arabic language? I did learn for two years when I was young and I think I still need it so I am not cheated with wrong conception of religious thought. I have to know what the book is exactly saying as the translated version of Quran (into other languages) is never pure translation, they are all interpretation that have driven the reader to a certain opinion that will lead people to irresponsible actions at times. So with one of my best friends I took an online course. We both always want to be free thinkers with basis! Not much target – intermediate level is ok.

One more to go…. I want to join Jewelry making course and Asian herb course. Maybe I can make Jewelry and herbal drinks when I retire later.

I am so thankful that I’ve got time to develop myself in such a way. I’m not happy with this pandemic though, please don’t get me wrong….

But yeah, sometimes I juggle with the homework of the language classes. The teachers are killers! 😁

May all beings be happy….

Remember Her

Relationship pattern changes over time and so does the way children relate with their parents. Although we are far away from each other, always remember the precious role of our parents especially mother. Oh anyway, I was closer to father. As he passed away, I become close to mother.

Dear Self, at least say hi through online chat or video call. Sending her the picture of our lunch would be a good sign that we are ok. Never let her worry about us, no matter what.

Who Are You? – ranting

My dear Self,
You are not what you have.
You are what you do.

Oh dear Love,
Why do you keep reminding me to be one that is difficult to materialise?
Do I have another option?

My dear Self,
You have all possible options.
Be what you wanna be
But what you have should not define you.

Bloody hell, you Love….
But ok…. I will do.

May all beings be happy.

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AirPods – tanka

I hope you’re AirPods,
Listening to my love songs
From far far away….
But you’re not AirPods. Your heart
Is frozen by arrogance.

Singapore – July 23, 2020 / 23:22

—-

When human technology is lame and degrading, they don’t believe anymore with the unseen signs that they can only feel through taste granted to Self…. Many human only believe in the limited five senses that won’t work just because of a wall standing tall. You know now, dear Love…. that you’re not better than my AirPods. I’m crying because of that fact but I don’t care anymore as long as my AirPods can help me listen to my own Love songs from my machine that stands tall in my living room while I’m cooking in the kitchen….

Thanks my AirPods and those who have worked together to deliver them to my silent heart….

May all beings be happy.

 

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Hujan Bulan Juni – Sapardi Djoko Damono

Hujan Bulan Juni

tak ada yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan Juni
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu

tak ada yang lebih bijak
dari hujan bulan Juni
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

tak ada yang lebih arif
dari hujan bulan Juni
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu

—-

Most of his poems are romantic, in all walks of life. His words are not flowery but so touching with its simplicity, flowing like a story.

My maturity has grown and some shade of it has been by this poet’s lyrical poems.

Rest In Peace.

 

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Aku Ingin – Sapardi Djoko Damono

Aku Ingin

Aku ingin mencintaimu
Dengan sederhana
Dengan kata yang tak sempat
Diucapkan kayu kepada api
Yang menjadikannya abu..

Aku ingin mencintaimu
Dengan sederhana
Dengan isyarat yang tak sempat
Disampaikan awan kepada hujan
Yang menjadikannya tiada

—-

Rest In Peace, Maestro 🙏🏼
You are a successful human being for your lyrical poems have humbly touched this person’s heart and taught her how to preserve love…

Sapardi Djoko Damono

Slowing Down Footsteps – ranting

Slowing down footsteps
Pace along an ancient route.
Trace back your soul path.

Now here

Thought sometimes gets puzzled why thing happens to the Self, while logically she has made best possible efforts to control it not to emerge into events. At times emotions pour like heavy rain or they numb all nerves.

Then the Self realises that all is about tracing back the soul path: paying one’s karma, optimising one’s dharma.

Dear, Self.
You’d better pass major lessons in the current life. You shouldn’t want to fail the same lessons: acting lame or repeatedly meeting lame spirits wrapped in different physical planes, or both at the same time.

Dear, Beloved.
If it is not done,
Don’t let me slip from Your hands.

May all beings be happy….

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