New Year’s Resolution – serious ranting

My home is near the MRT railway, every five minutes two 6-car trains will go to both directions. And, today they do their routine of life. But there is something different, like they know it is almost 2019 and want to celebrate the year exchange.

The trains sound more merrier.

And the vehicles in the crossroad just down floors below run like no energy is lacking or no drowsiness greets the drivers.

Around where I live there are a lot of trees that I hope won’t be cut down for long years to come. I love them as they are the ones making my breath lighter and healthier. And tonight I feel they send out purer air to me.

And there is a reservoir that is cleaned daily by the boatmen on the blue boats. It still looks dark at night but the water reflection is clearer and more magnificent.

All do more magic tonight…. Because it is new year tomorrow. And I am infected by their spirit of best performance of now here and so I want to be in the harmony with Nature now here and next year.

I might not be able to get a mentor that I expected but I will make myself the best mentor for myself to be more professional – clarity on what I do, purity on what I intend. I might not be the best of all but I will make myself the best version of me – committed and true. I might not get everything I wish but I will make myself to get what’s the best I deserve.

Tonight I welcome 2019 at home looking at my plants in the small balcony, going back and forth the fridge to get cool water – I don’t drink beer fyi, seeing all the passers by, enjoying the dogs’ smell from the one living under my balcony. The air, water, cloud, unseen sky, shy rain, greenery in the black black new year’s eve, all people celebrating far away with the fireworks, all the animals with shelters or without, all the blessed life under the sun, and all

To you I wish a….

…. Happy New Year 2019! The best is welcoming you.

I know next year is mine, too.

Temasek – December 31, 2019 – 11:18pm

 

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New Year…. Again? – ranting

December 31, 2018
Last day of 2018
It is another new year tomorrow.
I haven’t even made my resolution.
What resolution? Still need it?
I thought most of my resolution was failure and bursting bubbles,
So better leave 2019 without specific wishes.

Just wanna be a better version of me.
That’s it.

Oh, Life.
You’ve run so fast, dragging me to nowhere but here now.

Happy New Year, everyone.
Live your life to the fullest!

  • expecting longer rant tonight 🙂

Temasek – December 31, 2018 – 7:38pm

 

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Secret – ranting

And from now on I will have to keep it secret.

Sometimes you don’t have to tell anyone what you think.
And I decided not to tell people what I think about a person if not about important things.

Sometimes you don’t have to share how you feel to anyone.
And I decided to not share anything if not important things.

But what is not important about your life?
Everything is important.
So, wanna expose everything?
Hmm….
Ok, yet priority makes it simple.

Yeah, I decided to filter what to be told and shared.
Gosh!
What an unimportant ranting mine is!

Happy holidays!

Singapore – December 23, 2018 – 12:19am

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Caged Bird – free verse

My father had a black starling.
It loved eating kepok* banana – no, had no choice.
It sang – no, cried
It danced – no, nervous
It entertained our guests – no, tried to escape
It slept peacefully – no, dreamed nightmares days and nights
It did happily – no, a prisoner.

The cage was wires and wood.
We hoped it could talk.

Our family moved
To a much smaller home.
Our starling got neglected
How much I can feel the guilty is like a teary moment to a bloody heart!

The black starling got a home
Bigger:
My mother’s relative.

It loved eating kepok* banana – no, had no choice.
It sang – no, cried
It danced – no, nervous
It entertained our guests – no, tried to escape
It slept peacefully – no, dreamed nightmares days and nights
It did happily – no, a prisoner.

The cage was wires and wood, half we gave to it.
We hoped it could talk.

If you are dead, dear Black Starling,
Be in a peaceful moment.
Fly with your beautiful wings, black and shiny!
Feed your life with all the fresh memories.
Forget all the cages and bars.
Be the air
Be the vapour
Be the atmosphere
Be our silent guidance to the freedom out of this cage.

Thank you for your will to be our prisoner
Thank you for your sincerity to be our exhibition
Thank you for your sacrifice to feed our ego
Thank you for your life to complete our purity.

See you across the bridge.
You’ve met him, right?
Tell him you forgive us.

Yours truly,

Me

Shanghai – Dec. 15, 2018 – 12:05 noon is here

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Pause

It’s been quite long I haven’t posted anything in this site. Too busy? Or not able to manage the time? Oh my goodness, how life lasts long yet runs so fast that it rolls in like a useless scroll.

Alas!
What will I give to Life?
Nothing?
Ya, nothing as I have nothing.
Yet, I still do things with my nothing.

Life,
Please guide me through my nothingness to the Light at the end of the scroll.

No, not at the end. It is along the scroll…

Glad to be here again….

The Estuary, Temasek – Nov. 30, 2018 – 9:47pm

cropped-img_07341-31.jpg

Tersandung Cahaya – pengingat (Indonesian)

Tak akan lepas dari ingatanku kutipan dari seorang guru: Sesama murid dilarang memberikan rapot. Artinya, tidak perlu menilai orang-lain dalam perjalanan ini. Masing-masing memanggul salipnya sendiri, setiap diri menangisi lukanya, beban dan segala derita yang didukungnya sendiri. Tak elok menganggap bebanmu lebih berat dan hebat daripada yang lain — menangis dalam diam menelan tapi tertawa saat ada yang mengajak melihat lebih tajam meminjam mata sesama.

Pun, ketika kau melihat diri sebagai pembawa cahaya.
Lalu kau menilai siapa yang membawa cahaya dan siapa yang membawa kegelapan, kau puja pembawa cahaya (versimu) dan kau sentil pembawa kegelapan (versimu). Aduhai, lalu kau menjadi pengamat gelap-terang. Seakan kau paling gape tentang gelap dan terang-Nya.

Kepahitanmu sendiri tak kau tilik, sedangkan rasa di sekitarmu harus menutup diri supaya tak mengendusnya.
Kebijaksanaanmu bagai puncak ilmu, sedangkan rasa di sekitarmu harus memicingkan mata memahami kebenarannya.
Kehalus-budianmu bagai elusan malaikat, sedangkan rasa di sekitarmu bagai tercucuk duri-duri tajam sakit linu ngilu hingga di dasar jiwa.
Kebahagiaanmu bagai warna pelangi, sedangkan rasa di sekitarmu ketakutan kehilangan warna karena tak mampu mengekspresikan diri secara merdeka.

Tapi kupaham, ini hanya spectrum cahaya.
Biar dipandang sebagai spectrum gelap-Nya. Tiada mengapa….
Aku tinggal di sini, di gelap-Nya supaya dapat menonton yang sedang dikucuri kemenangan akan kesadaran cahaya. Aku ada di kesadaran spectrum lainnya dan aku bahagia. Tiada mengapa….
Kubahagia untuk kalian….

Bagaimana jika nanti kau terkurung gelap?
Bagaimana jika tersandung cahaya?
…. Jika ternyata kau terserimpet cahayamu sendiri?

Mengapa tak pernah kau panggil aku ke rengkuhanmu sebelum kau caci?
…. tak kau sapa aku sebelum kau hakimi?
…. tak kau tanyai sebelum kau namai?
Cahayamu mulai nyerimpet dari awal perjalanan kita.
Terlalu silau lalu menyilapkan.
Terlalu dekat hingga menghanguskan.

Tidak ada sesal di rasaku.
Tidak ada maaf akan kukirimkan,
Sebelum kau dapatkan cerlang dari gelapku.

Biar kubahagiai cahayamu.
Sampai kau temukan spectrum yang bening untuk menengok dirimu sendiri, rasamu sendiri.

Runtuh satu pilarmu.
Kurengkuh diriku sendiri, kupersembahkan pada Kanjeng Nabi. Dalam sunyi.

Lagi, kuingat kata guruku “dilarang memberi rapot pada sesama murid” dan akan kulakukan selama aku dalam spectrum cahaya-Nya.

Duh Gusti, mugi paringo ing margi kaleresan
Kados margining menungso kang manggih kanikmatan
Sanes margining menungso kang paduko la’nati

Shollu ‘alaa Sayyidinaa Muhammad….

Temasek – 13 Mei 2018 – 02:07 pagi

Spectrum.2400.1800.S.G

Picture borrowed from Wikipedia.org/wiki/Datei:Spectrum.2400.1800.S.G.png

 

How – ranting

I’m almost 50?
Gosh! Am I that near to what is called half a century? it gives me goosebump!
What have I done?
To my beloved parents?
To my beloved sisters?
To my beloved brothers?
To my friends?
To my country?
To humanity?
To….

To myself?

Last month I visited a good friend and found more things about her. She has done so much in her life.
She helped me and her colleagues gro professionally.
She did many things to help people in her industry.
She did so much to her mother especially when her mother was in the deathbed.
She travels to see many places.
She plays piano.
She plays violin.
She plays golf.
She hangs out with friends.
She reads spiritual books.
She always comes up with solutions of problems around her.
She dedicates her life to humanity.
She does many many things that I can even only imagine I can do with my mini courage.

Once I told her “My Friend, I think you will not regret your life when you die.”

And she said “You’re right, Rike. I won’t regret my life when I die. I will die happy because I’ve lived happily.”

She said to me, “Be happy. Do something that you have wanted to do but you haven’t. Hey, what about taking music classes?”

Going out from her apartment, I could not stop thinking of what I should do to make my life meaningful for myself and for those I love that I leave when I die.

Life is short and I’ve gotta do something.

Thanks, my Friend for being and inspiration to me.

I will die happy because I’ve lived happily.

Singapore – April 29, 2018 – 02:39

The picture below is of Fifi (the black and white) and Chocho (the ginger), kittens in my Mom’s home. Chocho died of suffering for his back on April 23, 2018 at around 11:15am Jakarta time. Thank you, Chocho for telling me over and over again that you lived happily and died happy. Thank you, my dear kitten. See you across the rainbow bridge….

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Faces – haiku

Facets and faces
On diamonds and humans are
Overt covert beauty —

===

Can you see the real things behind the things? You might be able or not but the thing is there you know it or not. Existence is not about the humans’ ability to see through, existence is about that it is there and that’s it. You’ve gotta to reach the fact that you believe what’s true is true, what exists exists without judging what’s true and what exists. My homework for myself.

Temasek – April 28, 2018 – 14:04

Reflection – ranting

Just yesterday I told myself to stop ranting, today I am using the same word “ranting” for my posting title.

Please just consider it a sign that I’ll write longer than haiku, my favorite type of poem.

Ok, so….
I stand in front of mirror everyday, at least twice a day.
And I see the same person, me–
But with different expressions. Sometimes I look ok, sometimes not. Sometimes I look fresher, sometimes dull and duller. Sometimes I look beautiful, sometimes ugly and uglier. But most of all I feel that I can look better than current condition.

Is that normal? Let’s say yes.

The only thing that is not normal is…. How can I say to myself again and again that I can look better than this but then the next day I can feel that I look worse?
Is it because I don’t commit to look better?
Or is it my mind hijacking me?

Whatever.

Let’s do this again: stand in front of the mirror, say to myself “Hey, You. You are you yourself. If you realize that it is yourself, don’t compare yourself to others cause whomever they are you compare yourself with won’t ever reach your level and nor will you to theirs. You have your own pedestal to be you. And they have theirs to be them. Stop feeling more or less. It is you, the best you however you are.”

And, now I’m standing in front of my real reflection.

Does it guarantee I’m a good person?

No…. It is just a ranting old lady. 🙂

Kaohsiung – April 12, 2018 – 19:12

Below is a picture of mine with a giant durian — you’ve gotta see if I am more interesting than the durian hahaha….

patung duren di malaysia

Just cluttering – ranting

Sitting in my tiny bedroom, I felt ache in my chest and said to myself, “Damn! How can I have so many things in my little nest? What am I going to build of those rubbish?”

Books, bottles, containers, clothes and other things were scatterred everywhere, on the floor, on the table, at the shelf, on my bed. Once again, what would I make with all of these? Nothing but an old lady hoarding bric-a-brac.

Please stop myself. Please….

“When I’m going to read my book, I’m confused which book I should read first as all the titles show me all the urgencies in life. When I’m going to write on my diary, I forgot which one is the most recent one as there are at least six different books and sketchbooks that I’ve used so far. When I’m going to iron my clothes, I’m confused which one should I work on first as the piling rags are covering my rooms. Oh my gosh!”

I stopped for a while and looked at my hands.
Only two hands….
What have they done in my life? My two hands have done so much but not so much, — too much unnecessary stuff.

….

Take a deep breath.

….

I have been clutterring and need decluttering.

….

Start with one simple thing. My mind.

…. Declutter my mind.
…. Throw away unnecessary things.
…. Just take what is needed, ignore what is not.
…. Stop talking, start doing.

Stop ranting!

Salam.

RA

Temasek – April 11, 2018 – 00:40

 

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Journey – ranting

It is 2018, March! Third month of the 12 months, year is rolling so fast, not long after this it’s gonna be next year. I’m happy that I was given a chance to start 2018 – my fortysomethingth year of life.

In my movie mind I’m a global trotter, walking or running or hitchhiking, taking vehicles. There are a backpack, oh no just a satchel and a small rucksack, a pair of strong yet comfy boots, a hat and wow wow comfy apparel. I have some cash and some plastic money that I can use when needing to spend for food and things. I use Apple Pay anyway.

I’m so far quite a distance from home and still don’t wanna come back. I have some sites to visit. I am in a journey, yes I am. I know where I am going, yet I won’t share with anyone where I’ve been until I reach Finish line. Blogs, vlogs and notes are saved everywhere as I have left fingerprints and footprints there. “Global Trotter was here” is the stamp, seen or unseen. This journey has engraved prayers and wishes on milestones along the path. In rain and shine, I’m not alone yet I’m alone. What a beautiful journey! Thank You.

Where am I going? I know where it is, I just will not tell – it’s a Secret. They told me to be careful of wild boar and snake or tiger and bear or crocodile and quicksand and everything poisonous, dangerous or scary. But I am alive. They reminded me of getting lost or being cheated or getting robbed or kidnapped. But I am safe and sound.

I am on the right path. How do I know? I just know.

I remembered my Mother then made a call clarifying that I was ok and I would proceed. She cried and asked if I would go home soon. I said I am sorry but I have to go. I love you, Goddess of My Life….

I promise to only myself that I will not stop until this journey completes itself. I won’t tell either where I’m heading to. Just don’t worry, I’ll be safe and reach straight home without getting lost because….

…. I have my North Star.

Temasek – March 2, 2018 – 03:05

latitude-north-star-5-degrees-above-horizon_8d32bb0c6f9cb1e2

Picture borrowed from https://www.reference.com/geography/latitude-north-star-5-degrees-above-horizon-8d32bb0c6f9cb1e2

Something Just Like This – lyrics

Thank you for those who wrote the lyrics and composed the music. It reflects the conversation between my soul and my physical reality. I want something just like this!

For them, I dedicate this plain haiku:

Longing for a song.
I am something just like this.
I accept my this.

===

“Something Just Like This”
(with Coldplay)

I’ve been reading books of old
The legends and the myths
Achilles and his gold
Hercules and his gifts
Spiderman’s control
And Batman with his fists
And clearly I don’t see myself upon that list

But she said, “Where d’you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts.
Some superhero,
Some fairytale bliss.
Just something I can turn to.
Somebody I can kiss.
I want something just like this.”

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Oh, I want something just like this
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo

Oh, I want something just like this
I want something just like this

I’ve been reading books of old
The legends and the myths
The testaments they told
The moon and its eclipse
And Superman unrolls
A suit before he lifts
But I’m not the kind of person that it fits

She said, “Where d’you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts.
Some superhero,
Some fairytale bliss.
Just something I can turn to.
Somebody I can miss.
I want something just like this.
I want something just like this.”

Oh, I want something just like this
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Oh, I want something just like this
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo

“Where d’you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts.
Some superhero,
Some fairytale bliss.
Just something I can turn to.
Somebody I can kiss.
I want something just like this.”

Oh, I want something just like this
Oh, I want something just like this
Oh, I want something just like this

Layers of Lights (ranting)

Lapisan lambang, makna, ilmu –

Cahaya di atas Cahaya

What you can capture with the eyes are those reflecting the light. The intensity of the Light affect the clarity of the object reflected to the lenses inside of your head.

But what is that object? That depends on what you have been informed through your experience from time to time. The longer the time, the more extensive the description of the object will be. The more frequent the object is scrutinised, the more comprehensive the description will be.

And if you are exchanging with more directions of sources, the object has become not only a description of what the Light has reflected to the lenses inside of our head but you will find that the object becomes a plane to define something else. It has turned into a symbol defining a meaning. The more expressive the symbol is defined, the deeper you search into yourself. And deeper deeper deeper to the abyssal ocean of inner knowledge. From your eyes to your head to your mind to your heart to your bottomless self….

Bottomless self?

It is where you’ll find the meaning of the meaning of the meaning of the meaning of the meaning of the meaning of the meaning……..of what reflected to the lenses inside of your head.

Layers of meaning is layers of Lights.

Light on light on light on light on light on light….

Light upon Light!

Muar – January 11, 2018 – 00:50

Hero – song

This song by Mariah Carey, Hero has been a good earplug for me. Been feeling so tired of my own self – being not confident with all what I called weaknesses. Until I found that points of weakness are where our strenghts stand out. Enjoy…. ❤

There’s a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don’t have to be afraid
Of what you are
There’s an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It’s a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don’t let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You’ll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you

 

 

Singapore – May 22, 2017 – 00:45

Noble Silence

New adventure will start soon: next trip, my walking meditation – noble silence…. It might not be a full noble silence but it will be two weeks without communication with people of my circles. ‘ll cut off my bond with them for just a while.

Starting from April 13 at 00:00 only smiles and genuine good gestures I’ll perform. Hope I don’t have to speak with someone except when in need of direction because in those two weeks the wind is flying me to West Europe.

‘m sure this noble silence will succeed as entrance passess are purchased – there is not so much need to talk to enter venues. Only need to hop in and out where the path is leading this plane.

All senses will rest yet at the same time they are most active in this mobile meditation – my kind of noble silence. Walking, sitting, lying down, standing, eating, drinking — all done with consciousness…. Hope this is a noble start to live a noble life ahead.

Yes, ‘m starting soon…. Noble silence….

Counting down…
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
.

Screen Shot 2017-04-10 at 22.54.14

Info:
http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/book-reviews/excerpts/view/15042
– picture borrowed from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/396316835936024571/

Chocolate Cake – Ready Ingredients

January 1, 2017

Isn’t it so exciting to welcome a new cycle? Hmmm…. It is an agreed cycle, don’t complain. It is what we believe the first day of another new year. Let’s just take it for granted to make my writing short…. 🙂

Yes, it is my first day of the processes of the making of my chocolate cake of success.

ingredients-chocolate-cake

Picture is borrowed from http://www.livinthepielife.com/2010/12/chocolate-sheet-cake-with-toasted-pecans/

All are checked and ready! All are good ingredients. In my real life, they are my ideas, thoughts, projects, inteligence, optimism, determination, and faith to God.

Day #1 is well done.

What’s next?

Tools! Ok, let’s find them. Remember, those should be the cleanest and every one of them should be ready.

Ok…. See you later when I have those tools with me, Friends!

Singapore – January 1, 2017 – 5:00am

Angkor Wat – old city

I visited Angkor Wat, Siem Reap of Cambodia last week with three of my friends – Mbak Roh, Mbak Endang and Agnes. We did quasi backpacking – why quasi? Well, we decided to travel light – they flew AirAsia which tickets were purchased one year ago – but pack things in pretty luggage.

We stayed in a cheap inn of USD35.5 per night instead of fancy Park Hyatt or Le Meridien and took tuk-tuk everyday instead of rented car. It was a cool journey!

Some pictures captured show the joy! Enjoy!

Singapore – August 28, 2016 – morning….

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