About Her

In love, Beloved,
With life witnessed by flowers
That bloom in my heart.

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I love but also don’t love myself.

flowing down
flowing in

Process Based

Blooming, Beloved
Not the most important phase.
Root is foundation
Where seed is a buried secret
With dancing roots, and the crop—

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Mind the strong foundation resiliently planting you to where you stand and contribution generously assisting yourself and those around.

💝

I Trust You

Know not, Beloved
This path about to end when
And where. I trust you.

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Trust is what she’s been holding tight because without it she’s lost the grip against so much magnetic force around that will pull her into a gaping hole, where greediness can consume anyone till no end.

Thanks, Beloved, for giving me a life that’s imperfect but perfectly humbling me in many ways.

I trust You; voluntarily or forcefully.

💞

a song that touches my heart like a tiny leaf falling on a placid lake 💝 thank you

The Director

Her life, Beloved,
Perfectly-directed film
Ready for Oscars—

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She sometimes forgets that life is a performed script in which she is casted to act out a given role the best she can. She should follow the director’s direction and directive.

What about spectators? She should ignore spectators. Spectators are stars whose job is to see and comment on the film. And they pay for what they see and comment. The payment goes to the stars!

So, dear Star. Fix your moves. Better your expression. Tag your ears with the melody. Live in harmony, with your own self like Javanese Bedhaya performers who are meditatively drowned in the sacred composition.

Oscars are waiting.…

…. Only if you play all out!

Heart and soul dancing through body 💞

Alhamdulillah 🌻

The Director from Pinterest
Bedhaya, the epitome of Javanese dance

River

River, Beloved,
Flows. Let things go with the flow
From, in, through, to you.

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Feel the flow: calm, swift, pushing, breaking, splashing, swirling, stuck, moving. No matter what, flow.

enzo on a plate
golden enzo

Disclosure

Seed deeply buried,
Grown finding the sun slowly—
It is about time.

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Good life was once tiny little secret longing for forgiveness and blessings.

I accept my history, present and future.

May all beings be happy. 💝

secret unveiled, happy life

Cycled

After the moon? No.
The sun is where this heart walks
With rain that visits.

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Chasing what’s not clear and uncertain was an exciting thing for the hot-blooded. Dark, shadowy picture of what she once imagined has started fading away. The moon’s shift is over.

Walking in this forest, the leaves has rekindled her faith that rain is paying a short visit. When the rain stops, she will again realise that her heart is always enveloped in the warmth of clarity.

Sunbeam always opens a new chapter in which sunshine will take over what’s mysterious and frightening. Light will help her eyes see things the way they are, no assumption, no prejudice. It is what it is.

When she reaches the edge of the forest, she will step on a meadow where the moon is again sending shadow but this time there is no mystery anymore.

All is clear. All is well. What it takes is just counting the milestones and blessing all that are sensed.

May all beings be happy.

take the bent road or go ahead? your choice, the sun will guide you 🧭

Kebun Raya Purwodadi

A She In Words

A she, Beloved,
Is far and near, clear and blur,
But not true or false.

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Some people describe something so beautifully that others feel found and blessed. Those people are called the wise.

Weekend is rich with memes and kitchen; a bit chaotic with laundry and rain. Like a she she is! 🤩

All memes: from Pinterest

Walk On Not Away

Walk life on colours.
Down’s green. Up’s blue. Inside’s clear.
Here’s some red for fun.

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It depends on what she mixes on the pallets. Any hues will appear as she wishes.

She keeps working on a canvas because it is hers. Her parts of body work in harmony to draw a picture of her complete cycle of life.

She’s covered at least half of her journey so she won’t turn back. Besides, the sign doesn’t allow her to.

Weekend, weekend. 🍃

life is about moving forward, Singapore’s Treetop Walk reminded me that

Prudent Clown

Comic, Beloved,
Life through senses. Through head, storms—
Through soul, a great gift—

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‘m wishing the borders re-open soon so I can travel to meet my family and friends then have some chat with them while throwing sour jokes without emoticon or disturbed internet connection.

‘m wishing the borders re-open soon so I can travel to see my base home starting her life.

‘m wishing I’m as fine as now if the borders don’t re-open soon. 😎

Borders re-opening means no quarantine applied 😁 10-day in a closed room -how much ever it is comfy- is truly a must-not-happen-experience-in-life thing!

wisdom, humour and friendship at one table 😂

Life Should Be

Blissful, Beloved,
Joyful, gleeful— life should be.
Save the right window.

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‘m praying that I’ll be saved from any danger and threats from any creature. Amen…

Nagasari or Nogosari is rice cake filled with ripe banana, one “snack” included in Javanese praying ceremony. This food symbolises prayer to God for safety and security from any danger and threats from any creature; and so a Javanese’s life can be blissful, joyful and gleeful.

Always sit next to the right window, dear Self. 💝

prayer of safety and security in a piece of ramekin 🥰
modern Nagasari, should be wrapped in banana leaf but today it was steamed in a 💝 instead

Rose Garden

Garden, Beloved,
Fertilized with poisons? Dead!
Cinder rose goes off.

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A group call with my brother and sister in law is mostly either stupid or crazy. Once we talked about the old time passing and our addiction.

How someone gets addicted to something is mostly started from a physical or mental exit of pain— either clinically prescribed or personally decided— followed by excessive dependency on the substances or the activities.

I’ve seen how people addicted to medicine (I was to pain killer), drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc have changed from beautiful human beings into ugly persons either physically or mentally. It’s how awful co-dependency shapes someone’s life. Moreover, there is no addiction in any history that brings true happiness or freedom.

Three of us then discussed about someone who was addicted to something unusual: spiritual drills. Having all resources, the person went shopping on various classes and workshops about spirituality and self help such as meditation, mindfulness, tapping therapy, money magnet and how to optimise it spiritually, how to activate chakra, yoga and blahblahblah, gemstones and their spiritual power, mandala and spiritual awakening, how spiritual life pull financial abundance, spiritual traveling around many places, etc. One had been in one’s 60th class last time we met. One would be able to answer all questions in any possible ways. I called one ‘Mr/Ms Know All’, a euphemistic nick name that might be loved by those addicted to power and authority. Some friends called this person “Mr/Ms Spiritual Junky”.

What I remember about this person is that no one around was genuinely appreciated, everyone was just a “who-are-you-you-think-you’re-better-than-me”. One called most of one’s friends “cantrik”, a Javanese word that literally means follower/helper and would never be up to one’s level (one called one’s self healer and universe map reader).

How ironic! From someone who were full of compassion to someone who were full of envy and insecurity—

I think many if not all people to some extent were once addict who learned the lessons and changed the patterns to be free from co-dependency. My brother was a heavy smoker, been stopping for around 3 years. My sister in law was a Korean drama freak and quit. I myself was addicted to those I fell for and heavily overthinking.

“I almost got addicted to someone again.”

“Let go! Let go! Let go!” said they to me like cheerleaders.

Definitely! It’s a waste to wait for emotionally unavailable people to care that I care about them. I’m ok to get soaked in love and compassion but not in addiction to people. 💝

Addiction, oh addiction.

Alfatihah to all of those who are addicted to anything in any situation. Be healed and blessed.

are they addicted to gadget or hugs? so clingy, damn…. 😂

Addiction to technology?

cinder rose, dusty pink 🥰 from Pinterest

Madly In Love

Was madly in love,
Still am…. Realm is the limit.
…. With you, Beloved—

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Where is the end of love journey? Either hopelessness or time 💝

Alfatihah 💕

love poem of Nizar Qabbani

Nizar Qabbani

Fish Of Murky Water

Murky, Beloved,
That pool’s full of mud and smell.
Enough to kill fish—

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There is a proverb in Indonesian “ada udang di balik batu” literally “there are shrimps behind the rocks” that means there is a hidden (fishy) agenda.

I’ve received some invites from “unclear” people in Instagram, most are men that I believe scammers trying to lure a victim whatever they are aiming at from me; maybe as simple as attention or most probably money. And how did I feel? Disturbed? Not at all. Scammers are equivalent with friends with hidden (fishy) agenda— they are sources of entertainment either directly connected or just ignored.

God bless you all scammers. You’ll find a way to get a big money with your work, plus the logical consequences but not from me.

May all beings be happy.

barbecued pomfret – finally the fish (not from murky water) was served after some situational vegetarian period 🥰
sambal dabu-dabu, a specialty from Manado, North Sulawesi, Indonesia – I can never finish the archipelago culinary experience 🥰

Time Takes Side

Time flows, Beloved,
To an estuary of hope.
Time flows, Beloved,
To the eternity sea.
Won’t be long before we meet—

Time flows, Beloved
To you through me. White beacon
Blinks red at low tide.
Wind says the woodlands miss me.
Time flows, Beloved. Thank you.

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Don’t take too long a time to fix an issue. Time wisely travels with those willing to appreciate a journey through action taking along with wisdom harvesting. Otherwise, it will bulldoze what’s not solved.

Dear January. I know you’ll transform with me who doesn’t want remedial lessons next year.

Thank you, 2021. Welcome, 2022.

Bismillaahirrahmaanirrahiem….

💝

nothing is forever, let go of all that are not serving for my highest good either interest or ambition
no one is perfect, accept the dark side of my own self and learn all lessons either pleasant or unpleasant
balance is feasible only when mental detachment and appropriate acceptance are achieved, I claim the balance
I’m ok, dude…. You’re not? 🤠

Cane And Root

No cane, root can be.
Woods’re a case where food’s stored
Use your axe and fire.

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My fridge had not much for me to cook. There was only green here and there. Alamak! What to do?

Limitation is where creativity waits to be picked. Let’s do the experiment. Just don’t burn the kitchen.

Ahhhh! My roasted potato and pumpkin soup turned to be exactly the same as those served in 5-star restaurant. Really? Might not be but…. Sorry, my tongue comments what my tongue tastes. 😁

Alhamdulillah. May all beings be happy.

situational vegetarian – no meat, cook what’s left! 😁
not much in the case, while I’m hungry! 😌

Red Leaves

Red leaves, Beloved,
Are red yet the eyes might catch
Different reds. Normal—

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My red is a red no matter how red is mine compared to others’ reds. I respect others’ reds by not questioning their ability to perceive a red. In fact I only care about the reds of those in my inner circle in order to live harmoniously; and, those working together in order to ensure that the red is articulated precisely with no misunderstanding by all work partners.

Alhamdulillah.

May all beings be happy in this Christmas Eve. 💝

I love all reds in my frame. I joyfully let those out of the frame go.

Pulau Ubin

Sail by a bumboat
To linger where nature’s mixed
With preserved good life.

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Finally I visited Pulau Ubin, the only place in Singapore where there are no apartment buildings, malls or highways. It just a kampung (village in Malay language). Cool and green!

Wikipedia: On 3 June 2005, the Singapore Government ordered that all the farmers rearing poultry on the island were to ship them to mainland Singapore and rear them in government-approved farms by 17 June 2005, in the wake of the avian influenza. In exchange, the local inhabitants were offered HDB government housing packages, although they could choose to live on the island. As of 2012, there are only 38 people living on the island.[8]

Wikipedia: Pulau Ubin’s wooden house villages and wooden jetties, relaxed inhabitants, rich and preserved wildlife, abandoned quarries and plantations, and untouched nature make it the last witness of the old kampung Singapore that existed before modern industrial times and large-scale urban development.

Thanks, Singapore for teaching me a lot of paradoxical loads of experiences.

Holiday is real! 🤩

trace together, vaccinated
monkey is free to roam as a neighbour 😎
the most dismounting time in my biking history ☺️
lock it up!
walk only
boardwalk in Chek Jawa Wetland – check why it is called Chek Jawa 😎
Chek Jawa beacons
mangrove forest
pray before going home, aaaahhh forgot when departing 😃
see you again!

Why named Chek Jawa?

Merry Christmas, Long Weekend

Wish you, Beloved,
Sent with white heart through the air
And short holiday

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Christmas falls on Sunday so it’s replaced with a day off on the following Monday. I take 2 days of special shut-down on 23 and 24 so…. It is a long weekend for 2021’s Christmas. Whoohoo!

As much as missing my family, I don’t have enough gut to go back to Indonesia which still applies 10-day quarantine in Jakarta while I still have to fly to Surabaya before meeting my mother.

“It’s fine, you stay safe there. Take good care of yourself,” said they. That’s enough as blessings to me.

So? Where to go?

Pulau Ubin by bike!

Al Fatihah to all celebrating Christmas and those enjoying holiday! 💕

soft soothing wish of Christmas 🤍