Faces – haiku

Facets and faces
On diamonds and humans are
Overt covert beauty —

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Can you see the real things behind the things? You might be able or not but the thing is there you know it or not. Existence is not about the humans’ ability to see through, existence is about that it is there and that’s it. You’ve gotta to reach the fact that you believe what’s true is true, what exists exists without judging what’s true and what exists. My homework for myself.

Temasek – April 28, 2018 – 14:04

Journey – ranting

It is 2018, March! Third month of the 12 months, year is rolling so fast, not long after this it’s gonna be next year. I’m happy that I was given a chance to start 2018 – my fortysomethingth year of life.

In my movie mind I’m a global trotter, walking or running or hitchhiking, taking vehicles. There are a backpack, oh no just a satchel and a small rucksack, a pair of strong yet comfy boots, a hat and wow wow comfy apparel. I have some cash and some plastic money that I can use when needing to spend for food and things. I use Apple Pay anyway.

I’m so far quite a distance from home and still don’t wanna come back. I have some sites to visit. I am in a journey, yes I am. I know where I am going, yet I won’t share with anyone where I’ve been until I reach Finish line. Blogs, vlogs and notes are saved everywhere as I have left fingerprints and footprints there. “Global Trotter was here” is the stamp, seen or unseen. This journey has engraved prayers and wishes on milestones along the path. In rain and shine, I’m not alone yet I’m alone. What a beautiful journey! Thank You.

Where am I going? I know where it is, I just will not tell – it’s a Secret. They told me to be careful of wild boar and snake or tiger and bear or crocodile and quicksand and everything poisonous, dangerous or scary. But I am alive. They reminded me of getting lost or being cheated or getting robbed or kidnapped. But I am safe and sound.

I am on the right path. How do I know? I just know.

I remembered my Mother then made a call clarifying that I was ok and I would proceed. She cried and asked if I would go home soon. I said I am sorry but I have to go. I love you, Goddess of My Life….

I promise to only myself that I will not stop until this journey completes itself. I won’t tell either where I’m heading to. Just don’t worry, I’ll be safe and reach straight home without getting lost because….

…. I have my North Star.

Temasek – March 2, 2018 – 03:05

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Picture borrowed from https://www.reference.com/geography/latitude-north-star-5-degrees-above-horizon-8d32bb0c6f9cb1e2

Direction – haiku

Much a do ’bout it
Ripples in a pool have brought
A Star. Guide me please.

I might not involve emotions in my devotion but I mean it. Never ask me to love you coz I don’t. Never force me to long for you coz I don’t. My realm is so much different from yours. Mine is far under the bottomless abyss, yours might be in heaven. Leave me coz I don’t have a promise.

I love myself and that’s just it.

Temasek – March 1, 2018 – 19:57

Golden Triangle- haiku

Her head cracked of sun.
Water boiled, blown by cool breeze —
Golden Triangle

Temasek – September 19, 2016 – 11:30pm

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Picture borrowed from http://www.fnetravel.com/english/chiangraihotels/anantara-resort-and-spa-golden-triangle.html

 

Focused – haiku

She’s bulging her eyes.
A brown dot in a ground street.
Good God! It’s a dog!

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A story of me and my fellow creature, a beautiful dog

And I don’t know to whom I am asking these questions…. And, I find myself in the middle of a market…. Everyone is shouting, everyone is selling, everyone is focusing on what words they’re saying.

Eveyone is speaking, but no one is listening, everyone is living alone….

When I saw a dog in a steet, a dusty ground street. I asked him where I ought to go…. And, he just looked at me without a word passing by me away….

Every one is living, every one is breathing, every one is busy with oneself….

Every one is walking, but no one was stopping, just to care what life is in the other’s end….

Then I chased the dog passing by me. I said, “Hello, Dog. Where are you going? Can I go with you until the next cross roads”. He nodded his head and smiled….

Then we went ahead together. No cross road ahead we found and we decided to go ahead together until we really had to quit….

Life is about sharing even with a dog. Thank you, God for sending me a dog that has been so focused on walking down the path of life.

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Singapore, May 2, 2016 – 9:58pm

Collecting

I’ve been collecting things in my life — not so much thinking about their functionalities, just as hobbies. It’s like never ending craving for new types of the collected items. Fun, fun, fun!

When I was elementary schooler, I collected stamps – at least five albums & some un-albumed packs of foreign stamps before finally I gave up. Where are those albums now? No idea where they are, probably my cousins took care of them. I was fond of nail polish, bead necklaces and hair bands…. Yeah, so glad remembering that — I was feminine, yes I was….

Another I remember is pencil collection, it was when I was 15. Any types of pencil were nested in a big fancied cartons and cans – 200+++ until finally I gave up…. Where did they end their “life”? Cant remember, I thought I gave them away to anybody wanted to take them.

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Longer list…. Turtle & tortoises figurines, batik sheets, overseas coins, natural stones, gemstones, crystals, orchids, refrigerator magnetics, socks, silver and other metals…. And, many more collecting thingy.

What are those all things for? Just to feed desire of having this and that, wanting this and that, the word need was forgotten and/or ignored. Did I need the used stamps? Economic value was never a concern; I’ve never considered myself a sales-person type. Did my two hands operated hundreds of pencils? Who takes care of those collections — I leave them in my house in Indonesia…. So sad. Just these very recent months I decided to stop collecting. My attention and action shall be more meaningful to more people rather than just making me contented or proud of having bunch of things.

Supporting animal rescuers (cats and dogs), and communities helping underprivileged people (health and education) are the best choices now. Not because of having so much money to donate, but it is more about how to allocate the capitals wisely. No rates of return expected except that I want to be less guilty of enjoying this blessing selfishly.

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Thanks Universe, for waking me up, for opening my very eyes wide, for presenting the needy before me…. Now, the challenge is to work constantly hard and smart to be able to share more without feeling “being more”. My time to breeze…..!

 

Sweet disclaimer: probably the consistent collection is books ‘coz reading is like eating, without it I’ll die… Hope reading will be everlasting hobby of mine. Reading with eyes, reading with mind, reading with soul.

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Picture borrowed from http://liquid-state.com/2014/04/25/people-buy-books-love-books-isnt-obvious/

Singapore – October 19, 2014 – 9:36pm

Out Of The Silo

Coming out from the silo is like going out of a dark cave – dark yet comfortable place to take care of my dwarf inside of me. Time flies and staying in this small room is not enough to breathe freely anymore.

I am coming out of the dark. After so many years secluding my own self it is time for me to break free, free from the real enemy — my own self.

It is time to come out of my hidden shell. The pearl is ready to shine. Shine!!!

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Picture borrowed from http://www.bitrebels.com/design/photography-a-woman-breaks-out-of-her-shell-literally/

Bayan Lepas, Penang – September 17, 2014 – 6:07pm

One Year Older

Birthday has never been so important for me except (maybe) when I was 17 years old…. Sweet seventeen, not really sweet but sweet enough to celebrate it with my all classmates in my third grade of senior high; additionally, tandem with a boyfriend (a friend who was a boy) born on the same day but one year older than me.

Tomorrow (some minutes ahead) I’ll be one year older…. And, I don’t feel it special except (maybe) that I will fly to Yogyakarta then ride to Borobudur to trace back my soul journey.

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Picture borrowed from http://www.dpreview.com/galleries/2249911620/photos/1723070/

My father was born near Borobudur temple and I think it is just serene to feel the breeze of that site in my early 39.

I feel so thankful, I feel so blessed for having been granted this life of mine. Being single – not as happy as the married women out there but I am still happy with so much time to take care of my self and to dedicate to my family and friends and many more. Idealistic, huh? Indeed, that is the only thing I can work on to live my life: crystalizing the concept from my scattered moments and spreading my concepts to all the monumental seconds of my breath.

I am not sorry to be current me. I’ve been going through ups and downs; the highest alps and the lowest abyss — my own scale.

Do you know that all my mother, father in heaven, sisters, brother, nieces, nephews and my beloved cats and all friends have been my biggest supporters. They supply me with their cabling energy that connect to me through my dreams and fantasy — their love has magically turn my imagination into reality.

So, I won’t leave them like those who never leave me….

Happy birthday to me. I love me. Long live me.

Yio Chu Kang Rd – September 6, 2014 – 12:03 / just after midnight

A Goose, A Kitten and A Bear

I saw a gracefully-moving goose, swimming…. Not swimming, she was paddling her feet below the water to show me that life is beautiful but with circulating movement of inner power. How do human being look so calm but struggling to reach the other end of their journey which is at the same point is the start of another trip….

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Picture borrowed from http://ibc.lynxeds.com/photo/swan-goose-anser-cygnoides/swan-goose

 

I saw then played with a bear. The eyes are soft so intriguingly contradictory with his sharp claws and teeth. Oye, Mr. Bear…. Please hug me in your huge warm body to feel that your heart is distributing love to your real existence through your eyes…. Your claws are the only tools to survive from others’ attack. Your strength is ultimately powerful to pump your core of love to my life, your strong boundary shares my selfishness of being a spiritual being – I will never want others to dictate my spiritual journey. You take the honey from my hands softly because you know that I only have heart full of love for you. I have nothing but love…..

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Picture borrowed from https://addons.opera.com/en/themes/details/sweet-bear/

 

For me this life is a group of circling boundaries set by Mr. Bear; boundaries full with claws that have been defeated by his loving eyes…. Take the claws and del the love.

And, I saw a kitten…. Kitten, my baby….. Thank you for staying with me for quite sometime. You accompanied me when I was sobbing and curling near the lake. You sat next to me doing nothing except staring at me with full of questions:

“Why are you crying?

Don’t you know I am your angel?

Don’t you realize that you are my guardian angel?

What do you know about us?

How do you produce your tears? Are they from the bottom of your soul? Would you please teach me how to cry sincerely?

Soul, don’t you know you are beautiful and deserve to enjoy this blessed life? Soul, do you know that I will always be with you?

How would you stop crying of missing the real one, while I am here with you? Would you please hug me and whisper to my ears that I am your loved one?”

….

The kitten, he is now a sacred soul with me in this very world…. Thanks for being with me when I was weeping by the lake. Thanks for whispering to my spirit that you love me truly. My dear kitten, you are opening your Life and my Eyes…. Live love, Love…..

They sat with me by the lake where I saw the reflection of my spirit….

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My dear Bob, now he is living in a real heaven with full of love all his life….

 

Singapore – July 7, 2014 – 10:57pm

Friendly Taiwan

Finally I got the visa for Taiwan just one half day before I flew to the country. It was a business trip and at the same time to meet the warm people in which I am working.

Taiwan in my first visit last year has given me a very good impression. I was invited to a dinner with a friend. They welcomed me so nicely, respected me like an long lost friend. In the small restaurant almost all guests were looking at me because of my different apparel (I’m a muslim woman and wear headdress.) and they smiled at me after my friend explained “muslim, muslim…”.

And, since then Taiwan has been one of my favorite countries among them visited.

In my recent visit my friend invited all of me and other colleagues to a local restaurant to enjoy Taiwan local cuisine. A lot of food, big smiles, sincerity gliding in the air…. Thank you, Joanne….

Let’s note that when we come to a place, it is not the luxury that impresses you first. It is always how the human beings are treating us. Let’s be warm heart and welcome fellow creatures on earth. Once we share a good space for others, they would love to take us to their heart….

If I have time, I’d like to visit this country not for work, to take my dear family here to enjoy the warmth of the people’s heart in the small country.

taipei101

YCK Road – June 16, 2014 – 12:06am

 

Picture borrowed from http://elderbrucewhite.blogspot.sg/2011_05_01_archive.html

You, Me, Shadow?

opening the door,

will I see you?

or, is it only your shadow? pretending to be you….

did I live with you? or with your shadow?

is it now that you are real or shadow?

 

tears flow, flowing along the path pushing through the door at the end.

what end? is there an end?

or a start? what should be started?

 

are you there?

welcoming me or welcoming my shadow?

am I real me or just my shadow?

 

just the two of us….

staring at each other – shadow to shadow?

 

I just hope you are the one behind the door….

 

Hilton KL – April 30, 2014 – 12:49am

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Forgiveness

Everybody makes mistakes…..

Can I deny that I do? The only thing I can do is to be able to forgive myself for all mistakes I have done in my life so far.

This is not easy to forgive others and even much more difficult to forgive my own self who have committed mistakes – many – of which part are planned. I don’t want to talk about the planned mistakes. Let’s just talk about mistake that is just mistake…..

My father passed away just one day before I got home. I planned to see him after so long I left my house for work in Jakarta. I was in a hard time adapting the cruel capital city that was blessing me with my first job after graduating from university. I was a secretary in a small company by then. My boss was a very pious person that treated all employees very well but then his company was not big enough to make me enough-paid to buy ticket to pay homage to my parents. So…. I had to save money for almost one year and of course to take a “decent” leave. I call it “decent” because I was needed badly to support other departments so that I did not dare to file for a leave at any chosen time.

That is my biggest mistake, it was almost unforgivable. I cease blaming on my self after so many years….. I cried when I remembered how painful it was to be poor and not able to pay a visit to beloved father who was sick and dying….. And, probably he was missing me so much. Please forgive me, oh my own self….

Then it happened again just this year.

Bob, my cat son was sick. I should have been able to pay him a visit. The ticket was affordable for me. It was just because the time did not allow. It took a long hour from Singapore to my mom’s house. From Changi airport I have to fly to Surabaya which is no problem at all, but from Surabaya to my mom’s house it would take 5 hours and so I have to spare at least 24 hours for the travel. I did not have that much time at that time…..

So, I let him die without me around…. This is almost unforgivable, too. I was sinking below all roots, could not see the beautiful flowers of my life in which those beloved ones nurtured before…..

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Then….

I reconcile with my self.

What should I do? All is over.

My beloved father and son passed away when I was away. That might be what they wanted. They did not want me to see them die. They wanted me to just see how happy their life was when I was around.

They have always wanted me to commemorate their good days. They have always wanted me to celebrate our togetherness in a positive way. Like they have been saying to me “Be happy, Rike. We are always happy with you…. Celebrate our life with your good memories. Don’t cry for us. Smile for us. We will meet again in the next life.”

So then I tell myself softly that I should forgive my own self because my father and my son have forgiven me. They will never hate me just because I never touched their bodies before they were buried. Their souls have been surrounding me from then on, so they are never away because of being separated by the container called physical body.

Oye, Self….. Please cherish the love. Never forget that the soul can be communicated with even when the bodies are cremated or buried or decayed in unknown places….. Ask the souls to talk to you, listen to your explanation and apology, sincere apology.

It is never too late to realise.

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Soul is always here. In the same matrix and ready to mediate.

So, please use the time while you are awake. Tell them how much you love them, how strong we are all connected and how big the sorrow will be if the forgiveness is not shared…..

Quezon City – March 4, 2014 – 9:37pm

My Love Is Forever Growing

I am almost 40 years old. So happy, without reason — age is not a reason to be happy. I just accept the way I am growing old, physically and mentally.

I was born in a family of seven. My late father, a wise simple man. My mother, the beautiful Javanese woman who is nurtured by this grand nature to be a super patient lady. Two brothers and two sisters. We are seven in a package, with ups and downs and some knots in our journey of life. And, now I have one son called Bob (Robert de Niro is his full name), my dear cat I’ve adopted as a son several years ago.

One more grey cat – we named him Mr. Gray – sleeps every single day in our verandah; so, let’s call him another additional family member.

I can’t give something extraordinary to them except one. Love…

I have nothing that grows forever, everlasting and without limit except love. I send it to my family members every single second with or without realising it.

All my family is in Indonesia. I am in a small country, Singapore. Not really far but less accessible sometimes.

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When missing my family, I just open their pictures and send them my positive vibration. Or, I close my eyes, imagine their faces and send my energy to them.

It is a cloudy day, my love is still growing…. I am sending positive energy from Singapore to Indonesia, to cover my family or even all people there so that they feel the love that grows forever.

I also send my love to my dear Bob that has been so much lovely in his presence and absence to my physical. I love you, cat…

Mr. Gray, my love is for you. Be still, there coiling your fattening body until a plate of meal is served to you… Of course you should be patient until Bob is doing and you will have to have your meal together with him.

My love is also for all my neighbours, friends and all animals there… Be happy. I hope things go right… All violence is eradicated. You are living in happiness and peace…

To the world, earth and all the creatures in it… My love is growing forever for me and you… for us…

This love is precious. Never go away….

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Singapore, February 8, 2014 – 5:11pm