Diamond

Loyalty: old-aged,
Mined, Rubbed, faceted carbon—
4C through life time.

Many women love diamond with different reasons. Some do because of its beauty. Some do because of its prestige. Some do because of following the trend. Some do just because of spending money on anything seen and wanted. Some do because of what it symbolises…. In fact its value has a wide spectrum like why we love someone.

Diamond is just a type of carbon. Carbon is what’s burnt to cook steak. Carbon is what’s chosen for media to grow orchids. Carbon is activated to be a medication for food poisoning. Or simply think of other things containing carbon!

Diamond though is a certain level of carbon which has been buried between layers of earth for millions of years, tested by the pressure, temperature. It’s hardened, purified, strengthened, crystalised.

4C is a familiar acronym for diamond lovers. These 4 C’s show diamond’s quality.

  • Cut: Quality of the angles, proportions, facets, and finishing details ~ level of craftsmanship and precision play important role
  • Color: How colorless the diamond is ~ less colour is the best but colour is at times defined by preference
  • Clarity: How clean the diamond is of inclusions and blemishes ~ the more flawless, the more valuable; but who is flawless, Beloved? The Death is flawless….
  • Carat: The weight of the diamond ~ small carat of diamond can look big; also determined by how the craftsman cuts it

Imagine a human being is a carbon processing one’s self to be a diamond. Stay regardless the pressure and temperature exposed to you, Self. Once you find you, you’re diamond in the making.

May all beings be happy.

useful link: https://www.bluenile.com

Cheerful Gerbera

Showers of colours
Splash cheery hello to time.
I wish you warm heart.

Colours can bring certain vibes to a home. And so different colours of flowers create different atmosphere. Although not taking all for granted, I mostly check the meaning of flowers and wish that the supportive qualities symbolised by the flowers will be the energy filling the air.

May all beings be happy.

Cursing, Singing In The Rain

Gear change in the rain
Between slippery road and
Raincoat left behind—

With years of biking experience I’m supposed to have no problem speeding with bike in Singapore, that’s what my siblings think. But that’s totally misleading. I feel high alert when biking in the rain here. In slope pavement or road I will constantly put hands quite pressure on both brakes, put the easiest gear combination making me look like a beginner biker — slow, doubtful, awkward. While in home country I would go to alternative routes which are many to get to the destination with the same speed enough to bulldoze a wall.

In the rain with blurred goggles because of water and wet body because of no raincoat, it makes it even more awkward coz this mind is swinging between “wanna be careful and go slow” and “race to get home quickly”. What’s more, the big vehicles in the road would either splash water with no mercy when traffic is good or floor the gas pedal not to rev but to let the steam off from the driver’s head in heavy traffic.

Yet there is always good side: I can sing as loudly as I want or curse the drivers with no mercy too ‘coz no one will hear me….

Eh? Human beings are confusing – wanna go safely but taking high risks, wanna curse at people but don’t wanna get heard, wanna be dry but forget raincoat at home…. 🤪

Life is such a paradox, like biking in a heavy rain with no rain coat.

May all beings be happy.

Kaleidoscope “Receh”

Not easy to explain but even with smiles and optimism, 2020 is still a heavily dragging year. Thanks to this pandemic to be a scapegoat. Sorry, dear virus….

Yet I still want to remember 2020 with what’s thanked for. 👍🏽

  1. More flexible time to make appointments with doctors and dentist – IMPORTANT!
  2. More time to (re)read books
  3. Good time to cook my own food which is healthier and try recipes
  4. Good time to hand wash clothes
  5. Good time to bike at night
  6. Good time to take care of plants
  7. Good time to take online courses – FANTASTIC!
  8. Good time to paint
  9. Learn how to be more relaxed and ignore things – NEED MORE PRACTICES!
  10. Easier to reject invitations from people and stay home or just go out alone – I LOVE THIS!
  11. Collect colourful and cute face masks
  12. Wear sad face and no one knows, thanks to cute face mask
  13. Weekend biking and getting loss without calculating time to go to airport for business travel
  14. No frequent packing/unpacking
  15. Wear dress more often; used to mostly wear pants when working onsite due to nature or activities – PRETTY, PRETTY!
  16. Save more lipstick ‘coz I only wear it during video call
  17. Knowing online shopping better – LOSS! NO LIKEY!
  18. More time to go to the reservoirs and parks to see animals (squirrels, otters, chameleons, fish, cats, dogs, butterflies, dragonflies, birds, etc) and plants (especially orchids on the trees!!!)
  19. Write more (typing and handwriting)
  20. I’m still well employed – BIG BLESSINGS

What’s not working in 2020? None! Lying! None. Lying! None…. Lying! Ok, people don’t wanna hear what puts dark goggles on my eyes when seeing whom I used to love dearly. Below calendar gives idea how intricate the situation is. 😁

Welcome, 2021. Send chocolate and/or flowers, not villain not virus.

May all beings be happy.

Dark, Fragrant Beauty

A bunch of roses,
Send this prayer as a gift
To those remembered
Through air, land, water, fire in
Dark, fragrant beauty. Amen.

I pray with flowers in a glass vase every week: reciting beautiful verses to those I’ve loved and remembered especially the ancestors, whispering unsaid love to those faraway, wishing they be happy everyday. Some people consider it ancient practice and not applicable or acceptable as modern but I feel more connected to my own self by doing it. So making it a habit

I love the dark mood of today’s flowers combined with my “sogan handmade batik”. It painted a shade of dark beauty with special fragrance and colour.

May all beings be happy.

Still You, Just

You’re in the dark. Who?
What? Matter? Not! It’s still you.
Just some shade and light.

I’m never perfect, will never be as long as I live with and in this matter. There won’t be any absence of uncertainty. There is always a gap to bridge, a space in between, an emptiness after fulfilment…. Always between 0 and 1 – a binary system of wholeness I call it. Swinging like a pendulum from one point to another up to one extreme point before at the end of momentum thrown back to the next direction…..

Why would you stay in the day for 24 hours if you can stay cool in the dark for 12 hours after a long working day? Or the other way around with some reason?

Why would you mind missing someone for at least an hour a day if it can make this life more vibrant? Just don’t hate….

Why would you regret your broken heart as long as you don’t hurt anyone’s pride? Just don’t forget to love yourself….

No matter what and who you are some time of and in your life, you’re still you. Be you! Be more whole you every time…. A true you

May all beings be happy.

Mrs Fondue

Good Swisss fondue is
Not about cheese, bread or wine.
It’s all chat and friends.

I missed one of my friends, Mrs Fondue whose face suddenly “flew around” for the past 2 months. Her number wasn’t active anymore. Called Mrs Fondue because she was the one introducing me to cheese fondue. Trying to contact people who worked around her with no result, I finally planned making cheese fondue and praying for her good.

Fondue was well served, not with the expected consistency but the taste is almost the same with my very first fondue in Cafe du Soleil.

Yet I could not enjoy this second fondue, even with air conditioner set to low temperature to bring autumn to this small living room. Still failed…. There was melancholic ambience striking me suddenly. No goosebump though 😁

The first fondue tasted greater than this. Maybe because I enjoyed it with Mrs Fondue who invited me to that “traditional” fondue cafe whose air was filled with warm laughter and greetings to the visitors.

This Mrs Fondue was an amazing yet unpopular lady, had done so much to help refugees from dangerous situation. We were amazed with what she and team did. Such a brave lady yet motherly and sweet she was!

She was a wise yet fun lady. She’s probably 15 years older than me but we could still chat like we were of the same age. Lucky to have met people like her in my life!

I’m praying for you, Mrs Fondue and family. If you are still here, I hope we still can see each other again. But if you’ve crossed the bridge, hope you’re smiling receiving my beautiful messages. Enjoy your fondue!

May all beings be happy.

You Can Read But Umm…

I can read but I
Don’t know what I read and I 
Don’t stop ‘coz I like
What I read. Sounds strange but I
Like to read hidden meaning.

Reading is fun even if you don’t know the meaning of what is read. When learning a new language with totally different structure and alphabets from what you are fluently using everyday, the excitement is there. I was so excited when first time learning writing Javanese alphabets in my childhood and I mostly knew the meaning because Javanese has been my mother tongue; while Indonesian has been second (primary) language. Then Arabic gave me the second excitement when I was around 17. And now, Japanese gives me another excitement and a taste of frustration.

Mastering language is about internalising logical thinking of a culture, the logic of a nation. Why in one particular language structure a predicate is located at the end of a sentence while in the other it is somewhere else. This frozen brain has to work hard to know how Japanese digest facts and blend them into grammar. And all the sweet apology and courtesy all over the language now make me question if they are truly kind in heart or it’s just a muscle of articulation. Forget it. Just learn and know how to use it.

The excitement is here coz I read like a kindergarten student -loud, confident but dreadfully un-melodic”. Yet I love it! Even when I had to finish the super short story Ikkyu-San in 45 minutes. I keep mixing up among ne-re-wa, i and ri, nu and me… Good heaven! (Did I mean bloody hell?) Courtesy please 😂

I also have Yotsuba! for my next. But hey, that can only be started after reading Ikkyu-San smoothly with melody. When the melody and pace are right, read more books! Then get dictionary….

My colleagues in Japan already offered their free time to chat with me in Japanese when I’m ready. When? I don’t know…. 😂

May all beings be happy.

Sharing Or Not?

At times you can share,
Others you shouldn’t. It may hurt.
Different point of view—


I haven’t shared food pics very often in Instagram since some good friends contacted and told me how hard it’s been for them to make ends meet in this pandemic.

One of them said he once had to lower down his pride by agreeing to receive a donation from Australia to feed his wife and children. Sad….

Another said to me “Oh, how nice to have time and cook whatever you wanna eat. Hope we can have that privilege.” I was shocked when she said that as what I had known she had a very good tourism business, and now I knew that she got tremendously affected by this pandemic. Tourism has been hard hit in this period of time.

Not one or two but many came to me to borrow money to survive their business. Double sad! I had to apologise and politely refused to help. Just last year I started limiting lending cash to others. Not that not trusting people but yeah I have been cheated financially by those called friends. Ya, I was stupidly generous and irresponsibly stupid 😂 It should come to an end.

So, with all those reducing showing food pictures in Instagram is the best I can do to help. It is to clear up the jealousy and also to look ordinary. People think you have much money when you eat well. They never know how hard you work for the food on the plate.

May all beings be happy.

Lovin’ Ma Bike

Lil knoz ‘bout a gal
Bikin’ crashin’ co’nut tree
Laughed and helped at once

Remembering what you did in childhood is like watching cartoon movies, entertaining and energizing. How painfully the bad time was brought to you, when recalled, it brings a good smile back to your face.


When I was a girl, I loved riding bike. Often time racing with no one just with my beloved red one, enjoying the wind as if I was the queen of the road. Old people knew I was one of the careless.

One day I took off hands from the handlebars to clap hands singing along. Stupidly… No… Excitedly! Thought I was good enough as a bike rider. So, the wind took control of the bike in high speed as we were sliding from a sloping edge. We crashed into a coconut tree in front of neighbour’s house. It was my first bloody accident in life and not the last for sure 😊 I was lucky to live in a community who believed that children of the neighbourhood were the responsibility of all…

By then bike and I always met our rescuers. Now I won’t, so I ride bike wisely…. 😁 So far only one mudguard wheel was gone because of one silly accident —an irresponsible electric scooter didn’t want to slow down and forced me to get stuck to the side of the bike way pushed us to a tree. Hope no accident anymore 👍🏽

Nothing happens for no reason. Always be happy how much ever life sprinkles bitter to your plate. Hope all become good memories when we see it from later time.

May all beings be happy.

Red Betel Vine

By red betel vine
She paints a poem through canvas
Message in a frame.

I’m romantically cheap as I can change all things into love message (to myself and the one that I care so much although secretly) to earn my own satisfaction and to calm inner storm. Gradation of emotions: heavy to light, colourful to dull, abrupt to flowing, all to serve equilibrium to what and who are dealing with me.

A betel vine in a small pot and my remembrance of red betel vines at my best friend’s backyard has drawn me to a flowing river of loving emotion that I realise existing constantly in heart.

All the leaves in my imagination turn to love that has lived generation to generation like leaves lining along the betel vine.

20% of the completion is here, already makes me overwhelmed with the deep love that I always have inside.

May all beings be happy.

Red Carnations

Through red carnations
She says goodnight, sleeps away
In his bright morning.

May you be happy in your bright morning.

Classes In Pandemic

What a given time!
Fluency and artistic test,
All measured and timed—

—-

This working from home has given me less travel time and automatically much shorter time for its preparation and unpacking etcetera. This should be well used, too as without it my sleeping disorder has caused a lot more trouble than before so I decided to take some online courses that have sprung like mushroom in rainy days.

I took some online courses in Udemy and some other course centres that offer more rigorous online courses during this pandemic. In Udemy I took massage class for baby, root cause analysis, project management, and so on and so forth — those are done independently, just read and listen to some lectures and do some test with or without certificates. The other two are language classes: Japanese and Arabic.

Why do I chose those courses? All that I took are all that I need.

Ayurvedic massage for baby? Don’t laugh! I am inspired by Yu Yat, my late baby sitter and “second mother”. She was the one taking care of me since I was a red baby until I reached 12 years old before I could take care of myself, while my parents were extremely busy as civil servants. In her late life my baby sitter continued her mother’s professional legacy as a baby masseuse – Javanese baby massage. I visited her everyday whenever I spent holiday in mother’s home. Seeing her handle the babies was my favourite and I told her that I wanted to be a baby masseuse like her and she said “You can but why do you have to? You have a very good job and you might not have time to do it.” She was right and it was forgotten for so many years but inspiration never dies – and so I took an online class. I plan to practice it when visiting my mother’s town after pandemic, Yu Yat’s sister in law continues the profession so I can “borrow one client baby”. Hope it is a success. Who knows I can be a baby masseuse in my retirement time. Yay!

The other classes are all things related to my jobs, I am “sharpening my claws”. Wicked lady! Haha!

And the language classes? I need them to better the quality of life. Japanese? I do communicate with Japanese whose English is mostly not up to my par — not all but most. The way they express their idea in English has either confused or annoyed me. And when I interacted with those guys I found at times they were laughing at me – bloody hell I don’t like to be laughed, men! I checked with the people working for me yes those men were laughing at me not to underestimate me but just because they don’t feel easy with a woman being so authoritative and open. Oh my! What is a female employee supposed to do at work differently from the male? Washing their coffee mugs or polishing their shoes? So I promised that I will at least understand Japanese and know when they laugh at me so that I can scold at them. 😁 No, no, I just want to make my conversation with them at ease. Japanese men are the most insecure male creature I’ve ever met on earth so I understand why they behave like s***** people sometimes. And, who knows I can write my first haiku in its original language someday? Yay!

Arabic language? I did learn for two years when I was young and I think I still need it so I am not cheated with wrong conception of religious thought. I have to know what the book is exactly saying as the translated version of Quran (into other languages) is never pure translation, they are all interpretation that have driven the reader to a certain opinion that will lead people to irresponsible actions at times. So with one of my best friends I took an online course. We both always want to be free thinkers with basis! Not much target – intermediate level is ok.

One more to go…. I want to join Jewelry making course and Asian herb course. Maybe I can make Jewelry and herbal drinks when I retire later.

I am so thankful that I’ve got time to develop myself in such a way. I’m not happy with this pandemic though, please don’t get me wrong….

But yeah, sometimes I juggle with the homework of the language classes. The teachers are killers! 😁

May all beings be happy….

Bengawan Solo – favourite

This song is one of those in my top rack! Nothing can beat Bengawan Solo. God bless you, Pak Gesang.

When a baby is born, s/he is “accompanied” by placenta. In Javanese culture the placenta should be either buried in the home where the baby will stay in his/her first 40 days or floated to the sacred river, both with sacred small ceremony. Mine was floated (larung in local language) in Bengawan Solo, the longest river in beloved Java island. If you Google “Bengawan Solo”, you’ll find a Singaporean bakery – hell yeah! Not making me much happy as that phrase has lost its authenticity. I’m not so upset though as at least I have a favourite place to buy “traditional Javanese cakes” (some claimed as Peranakan though – never mind anyone can claim anything with power) at the same time relating it to my favourite song and where “my brother placenta” was floated.

I miss the land where I can smile to anyone without being called weird…. My dear Java island.

I found some versions hitting the mood so damn gracefully! Enjoy.

May you all be happy.