graphs of my Universe
Banana flower,
Delicacy with story—
Once living fully
tada!
well mixed
lemongrass, galangal, Javanese bay leaves, shallot, garlic
removed…. one by one? yes, one by one, slowly with all my heart
removing the pistil that won’t be soft even after cooked
banana flower
All that has been set
Is summed up with a closure:
One more: rendezvous.
the sun set today summing up today’s lessons
Among all the mess on a table
Sits silently a vase of
Five red roses
Talking to foliage
And nodding flowers,
Singing a prayer
For me
Reading the colours of the day.
messy table is a pretty background for a weekend bouquet
Conversing with you
Under the sun smiling shy--
We whisper out loud.
taming that’s within
I'm green, Beloved
Standing as young as a tree
After a shower.
being green is freshly thinking based on what’s my breathing brought me: peace & acceptance
Red round, Beloved
A dot where signal will blink
At a looking eye--
I bought a keychain of Daruma without one eye, wishing to draw the missing one soon when my wish comes true….
❤️
Bowing, Beloved
I to all telling me off
That I am lower.
I’m bowing to all, I’m in a lowest position to respect the whole universe–
Thank you.
Dear Life....
Even if you're as gloomy as dull days,
I'll brighten you up.
There is so much colour saved for
You.
let’s start with yellow
then more…..
yet I truly know my colours don’t always make others’ day so I decided to be as bright as I can be & won’t let others’ colour bother me
Signs are everywhere
Telling me what river says.
Hi Numbers, thank you.
26 is like poets telling me to keep writing poems outside work.
36 is telling me to be just human being.
79 is telling me to make decision strongly when needed.
can you see the bird? 💕 what sign is that?
thank you for the company!
be always loved!
How beautiful he is
Like a butterfly
Flying on a daisy
To another so lightly.
A daisy she is
Just one of the visited
Then forgotten
Like her own petals
Falling one by one.
Age, Beloved
Counts.
Yes life is a vast ocean of options including a Saturday night.
Find the smallest fun tonight yooow!
💙
Dress and umbrella
Get wet by the dancing rain.
Water festival--
It's all around you
The music that falls in love
With that that plays it.
let’s dance until all notes fall off
Not against the odd--
Beloved, you hear my songs
From a deepest cave.
for some people it’s odd to stay in a cave; to me it’s the most suitable option in this era — being low key, known by very few people; maintaining & upgrading physical, mental, spiritual stability
a quiet life is a blessing, second to none
longing for love and the brightest light to keep this journey steady only to the truest true
🍀
Where is the quiet cave
Where I can read books, sleeping?
It's where trust is lost.
if I’m to live in a cave, l’d like to be in a cave with a library & a kitchenette
What's more romantic than lips on a cup, Beloved?
Words that meet the acts--
leaving some lips on a cup is romantic
Time has passages
Walked by hearts with decisions.
Sloping and climbing--
Love welcomes what's been waited
Without payment and complaints.
The meadow grows green.
time gives me space to grow without asking me to pay how much ever I’ve learnt in the journey & without complaints how long I’ve had to reach a point of understanding
time allows me to grow from nothing to fly up above any layers of skies where nothing is empty or empty is nothing
time itself is so kind & patient, so much I’ve owed to time so the only thing I can do is keeping repaying to it by treating it gently & truly
dear, Time…
…. wherever you are,
thank you
🍀
have a good weekend, WordPress
Fresh eggs nicely boiled
Roll on a table for two.
One faster grabber--
boiled, hard, favourite 💕
never keep eggs in the fridge anymore; fresh from the basket tastes better 🍀🐣
First breeze each morning
Caresses her face. So cool.
Ensuring good days--
it’s a result of life-long learning to easily thank you
when someone’s young (or childish), life might feel full of many testing & struggling; yet with honest & robust life management, life becomes a box with lessons learnt about how to deal with discolouration of true personality, how to put good effort to deliver messages, how to accept unexpected results with “oh not that”, how to be clearer & clearer about what life is & about what life should be wisely treated
thank you, Beloved for the life — cool & bright like morning breeze coming in when I open the window
🌻🍀💕
In the deep
I meet with a dragon.
She tells me her stories
And I'm offended.
"That's my story, not yours.
Are you teasing me?"
The dragon smiles, jerks her tail and softly slaps my cheek with it.
"It's a mirror in the deep
Telling you it's yours. And it is. Yet it's also mine."
I push my body up, breathe my lungs out in the air.
The dragon is still in the deep
Smiling with her golden heart.
today a friend of mine asked me at dinner “why do you post stories that poke me?”
“what do you mean by ‘poke me’? I’m mostly just saying.”
“saying after knowing something? or saying just saying?” she complained again, disbelieving in my statement
“I’m just saying what is pushed by something within I can’t stop. I just have to say it at lunch break or after work!” there’s no intention to tease you or anyone in the Instagram who have access to my locked account”
she didn’t say anything, she must have trusted me
sometimes the vibe is too strong splashing on me and I simply have to say something to the air because that’s the only way to tell the truth even to those not reading my postings (unfortunately some vibe truly comes to me just like that)
some soul hears each other clearly, or vaguely but accidentally correctly 😁
sorry but not sorry, dear friend….
I don’t know you are touched, I hope you learn some lessons.
💕
Long or short, my love
A weekend fulfilled with joy
Is a green meadow.
it is maybe one of clearest days in my life in which I can see what it means to be accepting
I’m never angry because of any type of rejection; I’m always upset when it’s about unclear behaviour in human being’s life
yet today with a long ride on the road to Masjid Sultan I found that there’s part of life in which a group of people use unclarity to protect themselves but claiming they are the most honest guys on earth
there is time, a cycle of it where everything starts then ends
let’s watch people cook, let’s watch people pretend….
and when my observation is correct, I’ll tell my best friends “I told you!”
happy weekend, WordPress
Holy, Beloved
The days through which I walk through
Life and her stories.
Life is poetry
Singing songs to a quiet heart
To be pretty noise.
me trying on the “Booty on mega mendung” batik
Pages of a book
Dog-eared, yellowed
And wrinkle
Of fingers stroking--
I’m not a religious person yet I love checking holy books, books about local faith around the world and writings about philosophy. To me wisdom scatters everywhere; it might not be the best sources of wisdom but reading them has opened my horizon of thinking and I’ve become an open-minded and free thinker to some extent.
There is one more thing about checking those books is getting personal advice that I can’t get from even the closest people around me– not because I don’t trust their love to me but I don’t trust their level of bias in analysing my situation. They are not open enough to accept me who is very open in thinking yet very morally guarding to my own self (two paradoxes my closest people still can’t understand up to now). That’s why I “consult” the Quran, the holy book aside from Bible that I’ve been familiar with since I was young (my father was a Christian).
Today I felt the need of consulting the Quran; I prayed, recited Alfatihah the opening suuraah of the Quran, greeted those I respect in life, took a short silence and randomly opened the book.
Here is the answer from the Quran.
QS Annuur #38
That Allah may reward them [according to] the best of what they did and increase them from His bounty. And Allah gives provision to whom He wills without account.
My heart stopped doubting. Is it because of the Quran? Is it because of to whom I prayed? Is it because of my trust? Maybe one of them. Maybe all of them. And I don’t want other possibilities because I won’t let myself doubt what’s been confirmed.
Thank you, dear Quran for being my closest friend, a book that opens all the doors of light. I might not be religious but you’re always the #1 consultant I’ve turned to for the past 33 years and probably will be for the rest of my life.
Light, light, my heart becomes so light.
Thank you❣️
Don’t crack under pressure. Maybe only “that watch” can do that; while most including human beings definitely crack under certain pressure like ceramics that can even break simply because of some delicate qualities that should crack to let some component of life lessons enter the inner realm of the pressurised persona.
I don’t mind cracking under certain pressure as long as life lessons can smoothly diffuse themselves into the liquid vortex within. Then as gold in kintsugi, they mend what’s cracked leaving golden map showing myself where to find a way of acceptance & letting go.
If I don’t crack, I will always look perfect with no guilt splashed, no criticism slashing, no confrontation exercising, no discussion & argument heated then calming, no accountability assessed. Looking perfect as a being accumulate some layers of avoidance to make mistakes, emotional exhaustion, failure of focused self reflection, forced compatibility even within self, self centernedness. Oh no! I prefer being an imperfect persona in front of many rather than being a looking perfect with so much burden within.
Being imperfect doesn’t mean I’m bad. It just shows me that I’m a human being and it’s fine to look ugly sometimes. As a human being I want to be vulnerable so I can be as playful as possible genuinely; so I can speak my truth with ease in a sweet way; so I can love other human being with no shame; so I can be as imperfect as nature wishes me to be outside my work (hallooow at work I need to be perfectly doing what I’m assigned for sure)!
If only I can directly tell some of human beings I know how perfect you’ve been looking and you need to stop being perfect, I’ll tell you wholeheartedly while assuring that you are free to be you the condition that you agree to heal together with no pretense and that you agree to be true to life.
Dear humans, you’re a ceramics not that watch that won’t crack under pressure. You deserve to be kintsugi decorated with golden map showing love where to flow.
Yes, I love to get answered as an answer is like lacquer reassembling cracked ceramics and yes I give myself answer because I deserve vulnerability, my own vulnerability; truth, my own truth; honesty, my own honesty– with love and respect.
Yes and I’ll let my heart crack again with better understanding and acceptance why it should crack then let life apply kintsugi on me.
Life is just like that…. 💙☺️🌻
this is me, imperfect & vulnerable as I’m kintsugi
☺️
kintsugi in a nutshell
Mandarin duck swims
Through calm water to the edge
Welcoming the breeze.
my small work of art to be, “the lone swimmer, love bird of the east”
Life is just like that. Like what?
Like whatever she perceives--
Be she fun,
Or gloomy--
Be she colourful,
Or dull--
Be she letting go,
Or attaching--
Be she alone,
Or together--
Life is just like
Her in whatever version
She wants her to be.
my life shall be as light as my heart can be
I’ll always unload things unnecessary to clutch on as those things will only make my steps drudge while I’d be glad prancing
only with love….
….and love only
whatever they say….
….how much ever they think
I’m light, moving light, to the light
☘️
There's a space
That will always be spacious
How much ever it is loaded.
It's heart,
In which I keep
You as you are.
What she needs, my love
A jar of coloured petals
That smile to her mind--
heliconia is always a nice welcome
or an orchid that’s bright
never a bottle of wine
just a cool towel and a cup of lemongrass tea next to a carnation
rike jokanan 
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