Small Steps

Small steps tiptoeing
On stones in a clean river
Bring a clean island

years and counting! thanks for tonight! 💝

Smile

Smile, Beloved, smile.
It’s a luxurious gift
For you and for me.

I was checking my educational docs and was in awe to see my photos in each of different docs. How I am touched by physical transformation and what experiences attached to it, that makes me stay loyal with my own self whatsoever.

Tell yourself that your life is a journey that if you need buddy, you should pick those willing to share wonder. Otherwise, travel alone. 💝

Thank you!

💝

sleepy, angry, yet stop telling me to take a nap! 😂😂😂
classroom, my party time; playground, my party time, my childhood was everyday party! 👯‍♀️
no smile, no mercy 😃
length of hair defines how I treat the world; i love my pretty silly me! 😃

Number

Number’s readable,
Intension’s not. Heart can read
Yet eyes can deny.

My Japan trip gave me a lot of insight. That an intension can be hidden yet sooner or later it will be naturally disclosed. That I should not entertain any underestimating and/or disrespecting expression —hidden or shown— as life is moving forward not backward. That if symbols or signs are not delivered to me as good will, all of them are false; ignoring them is the best way. That it is the right way to let them happily underestimate and/or disrespect and/or show superiority as their life style.

Human being should communicate verbally as part of real interaction. Without clear and genuine verbal communication at all and just sending signs and symbols, they fail respecting others. Wishing happiness is the best way as that’s what they need the most. Stopping interacting in whatsoever way is the best decision as they don’t contribute anything except confusion.

Happy weekend! 😍

13 can be 13 or “1 and 3” or 4 or 3 or 2 or nothing — whichever you choose to be, don’t choose to be “corrosion on an iron bar, permanently damaging the quality of the bar”

Praying

Swinging steps to gates.
Washing hands and mouth. Flying.
Whispering. Amen.

🙏🏼 thank you
🙏🏼 thank you
🙏🏼 thank you
🙏🏼 thank you
🙏🏼 thank you
a shrine on a small hill, a true luxury to visit for a short while 💕 thank you

Drag Me

Drag me to your heart
Even if it hurts my head,
Said I.

I know you’re teasing
Even when I mean it,
Said I.

I smile in silence
Letting you laugh in joy.
Sad I’m.

Enjoy it.
Enjoy your days,
Said I.

I walk away
Leaving the last piece of my heart.
Dragging my luggage
Alone.
Smiling.
Winning
Against my own sigh.

To you, who secretly teasing again and again and again and again. Thank you. Life is full of fun. 💗

no lift! let’s go, baby!
….and yes! became the last one even behind the gorgeous senior Japanese ladies! thanks God not the aluminium suitcase that can’t be dragged without hurting both its body and my heart 😂

Love & Luck

My love is mostly dumb, stubborn, too thin to see, and makes you hate me.

My luck is often loud, sudden, too huge to miss, and makes me love you.

I’m not a gambler, yet think you’re a dice rolling numbers for a prize.

my love and luck grows for and bows to you

Journey

Journey to the self
Takes a long and winding road,
Worth doing. Half done—

Human beings’ journey to understand one’s self is often unpredictable. I never wanted to visit Mecca and Medina yet because of my devotion to a mother, I agreed to go to ensure that she was safe and healthy. And the result was tremendous evolution of self. 💝

To Ibu: I miss you much today 😘

Alfatihah

Masjid Nabawi (Mosque of Prophet) in Medina — where I started strongly realising that there is a journey —a silent one— that I must commit 💝 someday I’ll be back with a clearer mind and a calmer heart yet the same level of “disobedience” and stubbornness 😁
where I witnessed how a human being’s karma is overtly paid off and showing the quality of a person visiting this place – my mother is a humble, kind and very very generous person and in this place she was greeted by sooo many female pilgrims from other countries, requested to take picture together, given a looooooooooot of food every day, given space once arriving in the mosque (her friends in her group were not that much) – me? oh of course she introduced me as her daughter cum translator and then was included in all her blessings 😝
the only person who could move my heart to finally go – thank you, Ibu; might not be a happy ending for me but was a best start of a journey 💝

where my heart was knocked from inside that the journey is within and silent, a precious gift — the physical is a gift wrap to respect whomever we wish 💝 (Masjidil Haram, Mecca)
a life long pilgrimage of mine 💝 a private, silent, almost secretive so only I and whom I most love know the milestones 💗 others are guessing and interpreting 🙏🏼

The Journey (Big Panda and Tiny Dragon)

Two enter a gate
So they can end a journey
In a brand new start.

Found another book of “Big Panda and Tiny Dragon” by James Norbury in Changi Airport T3 today.

colour that is always stunning
an ever gate
feeling like an ever-incomplete being, the expansiveness is incredibly significant – there’s a need to see a vastness to finally realise that it’s all about accepting a limit
looking at the mirror
be scared as it is to experience 💗
heaven feels like flowing river – does it?
been lost physically and spiritually, and found too in both 💕
✌🏼
☕️
what’s next? 😍

9 (ranting)

Why 9? It’s just 9.
When counting 9, it brings 9.
9 is 9. Be 9.

Why 9?

Back to uni days I was very keen of learning numerology, slightly superstitious to certain level but it was very entertaining and encouraging. It doesn’t give me a lot of benefits in career but a little knowledge about numerology sometimes gives me unique perspective of problem solving; or hmmm at least good distraction. Based on numerology each number has meaning and energy. Different number, different meaning, different vibe, different luck.

Among all numbers my favourite is 1, 7, 9. Very personal. Yet I like to make it look reasonable and logical. 😊

bus 179 😎

What about those numbers?

1 – One is loyalty, dedication, unity, singularity. We are loyal when we “worship” one – the God, the love. Dedication is focusing on one – one company, one citizenship, one goal. Unity is multiple agreeing on one – unity in diversity. Singularity is uniqueness of one, no comparison – feel it when we’re alone, that’s who you are. My definition as individual being rules the game.

7 – Seven is pitu in Javanese, an abbreviation of pitulungan that means help, support. No one can live alone as social beings so helping and supporting each other is the only way to survive in society. Cultural definition rules the game.

9 – September the 9th month is my birth month. I was categorised to have a character of group 9 in one numerology class. Almost dead at 9. 9 is the only number that I adore because of its logical and scientific function. 9 is my lucky number! Both empirical and logical experiences rule the game.

Dear, my favourite numbers. When will my company stock price go up back to 179 again? That is the point of my favourite numbers ranting today!

Happy weekend!

one of special Math operations of 9
all the opposite sides of a dice add up to 7 – hey! I am not a gambler
1

Now Here

Now here is a point
Where start and finish collide.
A shadow of yours—

sometimes I just want to stay put where I am now with myself as with me I am complete 💕

Love Is

Two love birds singing
In a cage full of good food.
A choice to a love—

Love is…. ?

Love is…. ?

Love is…. ?

Damn! I can’t define it except that it is sometimes misunderstood with lust.

That it is often symbolised with a heart shape. Maybe most human beings believe love comes from the heart. Hey! Is that really the shape of a heart? Or just how we agree that it is a shape of the heart?

That it is discussed everywhere but also wasted everywhere.

What I believe love is a verb not a noun so without action, it is muted sooner or later. At the same time love is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed so it is there and will be there, yet it can transform and/or transfer between subjects. Compatibility (chemistry), heat (intensity), motion (intension), what else can change the form of love? (oops forgetting all the physics learnt when younger)…. Anyway, it transforms and transfers (circulates can be another word) between (or among if circulated) human beings. So, accept it.

I believe love is about interest that human being cannot select voluntarily. It is a blessing at the same time a curse. it can be love between two love birds inseparable, or Tom and Jerry entertainingly cruel for either of two, or as cold as Antarctica.

I believe love is the core power generator of life that if removed, life will disappear. Never give up love. Broken heart is just a milestone that brings a human being to deeper and deeper understanding about him/herself. Broken because of a crush? Broken because of family? Broken because of friendship? Broken because of work? Broken because of world reality? A human being can always fix it gradually with anger, disappointment then acceptance. Just don’t be broken because of yourself – you are the most precious for yourself.

I believe that the way someone loves evolves through time, and it will suit the person’s intention never not. There should not be regret of what has happened because of love. Yet it is a regret that some people still choose to constantly send covert or overt humiliation and torture to hurt intentionally and/or to disrespect further to those they don’t love, while the best way should be forgiving or clearly declaring clear disagreement. War is one of them. Yet liked or not, that is the evolution of loving.

This weekend comes with a basket full of lessons learnt, a heap of ideas to pour as blessings in writings that I can re-read someday in the future.

Thank you, Love. You are never wasted.

Alfatihah to all whom I love.

a love locket with a pair of love birds seen in Bangkok airport – I could not resist its charm! now it is a daily friend to my T key love pendant

Life Is

Life is a mystery. Human to solve it. Not always successful, yet it is worth doing.

Life is a gift. Human to thank for it. Not always easy, yet it is worth doing.

Life is a journey. Human to travel it. Not always smooth, yet it is worth doing.

Life is love. Human is to accept it. Not always sweet, yet it is worth doing.

Life is of this or that to be experienced. Human is to keep living within the given time, a line between two points. There is so much to take and give and I thank for everything — that I know when I know, that I know when I don’t know.

Will not ignore how precious this life is. Will always be patient with this self in experiencing it.

🙏🏼

clovers

Luck Vibes

Yellow lucky leaves
Pop up unexpectedly.
Answers to wishes.

Dream come true is not always with work only. It might be with some enchanted wishes, self encouragement, ranting when upset, sleeping when tired and beloved ones’ prayer — all acting as the x factor. In a package those can be summed up as human being determination.

Ignore those demotivating and/or disrespecting. They try to distract, but let them be out of the equation for a while. Just blow them a kiss. 😘

Weekend is a bridge between two islands. Walk on it slowly with a smile. Don’t forget to hum love songs. 💕

🍀

never found in my attempt to get a clover pendant to bring my birthday annual staycation wish come true; a pair of clover studs greeted me in Bangkok yesterday – won’t let a chance be a waste 🍀 i feel lucky most of the time – thank you!

Feel Good No Matter What

The room becomes bright
With two smiles under dim light.
Feel good with good sight.

—-

I met a good friend and he could not stop talking about how hard it has been for him to feel good behind his (nice) smile. He said that he is constantly in stress of silent competition at work or in loneliness far away from family. He said that people around him seem unhappy to see others happy.

Me: Normal! It happened to me when I was young. Getting older, it is easier to accept what is.

GF: You did compete? Unbelievable! You seem to have neither ambition to excel nor spirit to live. Low profile, high product yuck! Your motto sucks!

Me: I did lightly. You’re still young so just enjoy your competitiveness and being away from family. Make more friends and only one girlfriend. Some day you will be where I am now when nothing is worth chasing except cockroach to kill.

GF: So you feel good all the time?

Me: Most of the time only, not all the time lah… I am not a Barbie doll.

GF: Meaning you never have problem?

Me: Do I look like not having problem?

GF: I know you have problems and are sometimes upset about people.

Me: Ya, I do have problems. People confront me. I confront people. But I minimise blaming others. Most thing if not everything is about me making incorrect decisions. I am sometimes very very unhappy about others, too. I act boldly occasionally to show boundary.

GF: And you still can feel good when you are not happy?

feel good is contagious

Me: Yes, I have a lot of distractions ready: work, books, orchids, painting, people although mostly not them, biking, cooking. End the unhappy time fast.

GF: How?

Me: Distract yourself. Flip the coin to the other side. And remember feel good is contagious. At least you don’t look gloomy when you feel good.

GF: So how do you think I should feel good when my colleague stabs me in the back?

Me: Feel good that it is not you stabbing people in their back. Thank God for showing the real friends to you.

GF: Argh! I want to punch his face!

Me: Ouch! Will it make you feel good?

GF: Maybe, but makes me look not good, then makes me feel not good.

Me: Wow! You master it already!

GF: But don’t you realise some people will get offended even when we feel good and do things as we are? They think we are insensitive. They think we are ridiculing them.

Me: Why care? You only need your approval to do something that makes you feel good, with one condition: that you do it without intension of offending or hurting others.

GF: If they get offended?

Me: I…. Don’t…. Care….

GF: Okaaaaaay! Hey! How is the food?

Me: Not so good 😩 The worst tom yum on earth!

GF: Agree. So is it because you are not able to appreciate the food? And how do you minimise blaming others in this case?

Me: Of course I blame the chef! You think I am his mother? Let’s not be back to this restaurant again.

GF: 😂😂😂

Lessons learnt: stay away from chatty friends when hungry, be relaxed when talking to young men as they explode easily, find a good restaurant or cook your own tom yum, get older without grudge, avoid those disrespecting you, laugh joyfully

see you again, Bangkok! thank you for bringing me this funny friend and the APEC meeting 2022 😩 both make me feel like a good human being: acting wise to one and waking up early because of the other 😊

Ocean Welcomes

Ocean welcomes all,
River flown and rain fallen.
Friends in a friendship—

A meet up with my first mentor training me in my current profession almost 20 years ago. He and his wife are in Singapore to celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary and spend this whole day to meet up with me: shopping in Orchard Road Apple Store, browsing around looking for my favourite Japanese restaurant that was found closed down since 2021, having lunch (Indonesian food in Singapore….? Oh my) walking around Orchard Road, taking MRT for fun, enjoying evening coffee in Starbucks Bugis Junction before our farewell.

This wise couple gave me a bunch of advices to be this and to be that…. How lovely this life is to have friends who are willing to share their (personal) experiences for precious lesson learning.

Thank you, Pak Donny and Mbak Maya. See you in Jakarta! 💗🙏🏽

Alfatihah to my dear friends.

three mugs, different content, enjoyed from the same table

Manusia

Manusia mengembarai langit
Manusia menyusuri cakrawala
Tidak untuk menguasainya
Melainkan untuk menguji dirinya
Apakah dia bertahan menjadi manusia,
Tidak untuk hebat kuasa atau perkasa
Melainkan untuk setia sebagai manusia.

(Emha Ainun Nadjib)

Good morning, Surabaya. You did a lot of moulding to this human being. Thank you!!! 💝

thank you 💝 for making me a human being; I won’t give up moulding this self to be loyal to being humane