Blueprint

Blueprint, Beloved,
Life in black and white. Colour!
With meanings and vibes—

Happy life is a sketch before coloured. The same sketch in the hands of different human beings can have different colour composition that bring different vibes and nuance. Neuroscientist’s perspective of happiness is different from artist’s. The haves’ perspective of happiness is different from the have nots’. A wanderer’s perspective of happiness is different from a homebody’s. Et cetera…

Yet it is still happiness in its original design.

It is a feel of happiness when I shed tears then realising that life is more than crying on failure or accidents; life is seeing failure or accidents as blessings. Imagine how happy a person was knowing that she was late for boarding losing mega business opportunity then after that learning that the plane she was supposed to board crashed in which all passengers were dead. A blessing in disguise! Life is more precious than any business!

Thank you for this subtle reminder about putting some bright colours where dreary feeling resides.

Baby step to grow wiser…. Very slow but I’m sure I’ll be a wise old lady. 😁 Hey, hey! Don’t forget to dye your hair!

this might be a blueprint, what’s next?

Coffee

Coffee, Beloved,
Brings back the fragrance of breeze
From the green high land.

—-

I drink coffee but am not a big fan of it. Fragrance of raw coffee beans, coffee cherries, coffee leaves, coffee flowers, coffee trees are much more lovable to these nostrils. Last 2019 visit to my uncle and aunt’s home in Menoreh Hill has always been a fresh fragrant memory; it is because the coffee fragrance would welcome us in the morning when wind blowing down the hill through the window sills.

Along the path up the hill going to our grandparents’ graveyards these hands would playfully pull some coffee leaves or coffee cherries, squeeze them and breathe the aroma in. My cousins and nieces would do the same. We would throw them to the dogs jumping around as playful as the owners.

Miss that green high land, where my ancestors started their humble legends—

Wind, fly me. 🛫

Salaam.

coffee shrubs decorate back yard of many houses in the hill; that fragrance is the witness of how the people love the land 💝
another fragrance loved – pepper
wait!
hey! get up, let’s run!

Love Stories

Stories, Beloved,
Chronological events
With no emotion
She puts meanings and settings
To characters in action.

I like poems loaded with love even when it is not love stories according to my friends. To me all stories are potential love stories.

I couldn’t find my left green sock and a poem about losing a beloved one was born. My kitchen lamp was blinking before switched off for good, a poem about a lover moving on after struggling reaching out to the beloved. Yet real broken heart helped me develop poems about how a heart shape blinks from white to blue to red to black before fading away.

Everything is love story between a lover and beloved. Of left and right socks. Of dark and light. Of hope and fear. Of head and heart. Of missing you and hating you. Of everything and nothing. Of me and my beloved that constantly changeable among me, you and them.

Mystery? Cheesy? It doesn’t matter. It helps me relax yet focus. ♥️

Life is all romance through these eyes. Wish that they remain with romantic lenses until life shows its true romanticism at the end of the journey—

😚

oh oh oh love you love you love you….. who are you? someone, something or some money? 😑

00:00

Whistling Winter

Winter, Beloved,
As white as wishes whistling
Through poems and prayers.

Damascus steel cuts silk. Drips of water punch the rocks. Wind caresses the sands. Breeze sways the twigs and ushers the leaves to land on the ground. Snowflake falls one by one wrapping the ground to doze off. With eloquent silence they make things happen.

How can I say about language ….except that it is as subtly powerful as nature, or even much more with its ability to transform or transmigrate whatever is in the hands, head and heart—

Whistle to me, Winter. These ears are frozen and distant but this soul is as warm and fragrant as jasmine tea.

Monday, thank you for being nice to me. Tuesday, I know you are too. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, be, too.

Salaam.

if only I learnt this language much earlier, I would have sung this song decently 😍

Singapore – Jun. 13, 2022 / 11:02pm

Playful Within

She is all children
Playing, pushing the limits
Before time for home.

—-

Adults at home often reprimanded young me for going home late missing timely afternoon bath or going home dirty playing in the river or paddy field. As a child I was confused why adults didn’t like playing; worse is they tried stopping me from having fun, while we children didn’t even do any harm when playing.

Reading a message from someone “Stay safe. Enjoy life.”, there is optimism that life is still playful even among those working crazily hard although level and perception about enjoyment differs from person to person based on whatever limit the prefer to use: culture, law, moral values, religion, contracted ethics conduct, etc. Mine is still the same: traveling along the river and going home late minus mud (sometimes at the bike wheels) and adults’ criticism.

Weekend is always refreshing. Welcome, Monday! I’ve been nice to you, please be nice to me! (transaction starts at the end of a weekend)

Salaam.

seen more black and white recently and hope to see more colour-negotiable days 💝

Marriage

Married, Beloved,
To your shadow that follows
Wherever I go.

Divorced, Beloved,
From your doubt that hunts and haunts
Wherever I hide.

—-

One very long chat decorated a night. A childhood friend did sharing about what she had experienced when we were away for about 10 years, busy with our own life. This is her promise to tell the full story after giving hints and looking puzzled when meeting me.

She married thrice. First husband died of illness. Second abused and cheated her and so they divorced. Third one, this one has brought a lot of stories and enlightenment.

How she finally decided the third after the traumatic second has strengthened about my own lesson in life – acceptance. How she lets a seemingly perfect person be with her imperfect figure does add amazement about one of my loyalist. How she ignores words and stares from people disapproving her behaviours has told me she is still girl going foraging in the wild with me in our lively early age.

She hit me with some bitter comments about my complicated points. She ridiculed me for being so guarding and distant from risking broken heart to happen. She also highlighted how her love transforms to friendship that I would have not believed can happen to her – she is not a “friendship-friendly” type of person, she is a snapping turtle 😑

There are things she has regretted about all 3 decisions but the regret has brought her to a final realisation that her life has shaped her into a composed, mature woman strong yet flexible enough to be beautifully bent by the hardship of life. The pain pays off, she said. What a beautiful creature my dear friend is! 😘😘😘

This weekend has given me another package of lessons from our childhood. A blast from the past!

Weekend is still long. I’d better have more fun!

May all beings be happy! 🙏🏼

the commitment on paper needs realisation in 3 dimension reality with soul and trust – red torii in progress

Sunset

Sunset, Beloved,
Serene pretty end of day
To be in your lap—

—-

I’ve limited contact with human beings for the past 2 years either due to the blessed pandemic or my own will. It feels good to seclude myself: doing what’s sweet and enriching, talking only to those encouraging and infusing positive vibes, working with all heart and soul.

Only calls from colleagues and family are those I’ve picked. Very very limited number of friends have been the preferred channels. The rest is next layers, not priority.

Only 6 people have been my favourite for the past one year — they are the easiest to laugh things with; at the same time the most serious to discuss crazy things with. We can talk about how stupid we are especially when in love 🤮 up to how we are afraid of dying ugly and in debt 😑

My mom and 2 older friends are kind of those I would respectfully listen with a twist – hey sometimes my ears are itchy too… My youngest brother and 2 same age friends are whom I impatiently argue with and patiently listen to each other. They are the definition of best friends of mine.

Thanks for becoming my sunrise, sunstroke and sunset. Beautiful friendship is about acceptance and trust! 💝

Alfatihah for you all my best people

sunset is beautiful reminding me of those sweet sour best friends 🥳

Tonight Is A Good Night

Good night, Beloved,
They slow down even the trains.
But times, it moves right.

—-

One friend said “Some people show their sweet side when they need me, I just knew they laughed at me behind my back and said how stupid I’ve been for (she mentioned one big social contribution she made). Do you think I should stop being kind to people?”

Another friend said “No. why stop? There is karma so you’d better do good deed. Your good actions will be repaid with good reactions. Believe it.” This one is also very kind.

Another one said “This life doesn’t owe you anything. So how much ever you spend, it will not be paid back. You will not be repaid 10 points just because you donate 1 point. Look! How much have you lost, just like that? No one gives you 10 times the amount, right? What karma? Whose karma? You’d better do what’s the best for your benefits and without harming others.” She is the most critical.

The other friend said “it should be balanced. You do good things and don’t forget doing bad things.” 🤔 Gosh she is always the most confusing.

I said “I’m hungry. Let’s go dinner. Our brain needs to slow down.” Those three stopped arguing.

Night is always good for a chat with some friends whose heads contain different things whose heart is of one intension — to respect friendship.

Salaam. ♥️

two trains to/from opposite directions of the same line, Red Line

Dandelion

Achene’s a message
Sent to wish more joy and bliss.
Sad no more, dear earth.

Each day new day. It is equivalent with Javanese wisdom “mati sajroning urip” which literally means “dead within life”. It is a very deep wisdom teaching Javanese human beings to let the old self to transform to the new one. It is simply acknowledging that some problems are let go and self is moving on with better understanding about what life is truly is.

If life challenge is considered a seed, it will free the human being, fly away to fall on Mother Earth’s lap somewhere and be part of green woven blanket beautifying and cooling.

Life is just like that.

Salaam.

dandelion (Randa Tapak in Javanese)

Tickling My Ego

Sometimes I’m somebody
At a conference room
Where win-win
Isn’t always a solution.
Powerful—
Decisive—

Sometimes I’m anybody
When long lost friends
Suddenly say hi and cry
“Would you please help? Would you help?”
Unconditional—
Used—

Sometimes I’m everybody
When I blindly devote myself,
When I wholeheartedly do everything needed,
When I run around everywhere to find you.
Preoccupied—
Stand-alone—

Sometimes I’m nobody
When I feel my heart beats,
My breath slows down with calmness,
When I know nobody is with me.
Blissful—
Submissive—

Thanks, my body.
You’re a complete gift to me.

I dedicate the above free verse to Emily Dickinson who has touched my life with many of her poems especially “I’m Nobody! Who are you?”

🐣

Salaam.

this poem was introduced by Ibu Siti Parwati Soemarto, our lecturer who always challenged her students to bravely see who we truly are – 28 years ago! damn I’m an old nobody! how bitterly fair life is! Terima kasih, Ibu Soemarto. 💝

Amazing Day

No day but today
The remembrance about you
Lives through melody.

—-

Amazing day is when my teacher said that my guitar playing is getting better. 💃🏽

There will be one day perfectly amazing when Coldplay’s Amazing Day is smoothly played along by me. Soon, soon!

Thank you, Sunday. Welcome, Monday.

goal guitar cover of Amazing Day – a must happen!!!
or this! 👏🏼
😱

good time

Good time, Beloved,
Sitting silently, centred.
Grazing on the time—

—-

Life is never bored of reciting how grand a name when zoomed in and how tiny its reality when zoomed out. Oh! It is the other way around, tiny when zoomed in and grand when zoomed out.

don’t disturb, she’s enjoying her good time as if she’s real – is she?

What is your name, dear? Deer!

what is an animal as sturdy and cold as metal? this! is it real?

Are you a buck or a stag? You don’t look like one. Or, you look like both?

Sheltered

The dark shelters you
From the dark behind the light.
Blinking starry eyes—

—-

Vision sits silently through blinking light, on and off showing clarity of direction.

Thanks for everything.

Salaam. 🙏🏼

you see through the right eye – no, no, not always right

Go Jazz

Go jazz, Beloved
Improvise on your own path
Where hidden seeds grow.

—-

Jazz is like secret love, confusing and almost unknown at the first catch but wrapped in harmony through time… and space? Seems space never takes my side. 😎

Jazz each day up!

⭐️

Java Jazz is on – wish I were it 🎷🎺

to a secret love across the ocean ⭐️

Yellow

How are you, Yellow?
Happiness, warmth, sunshine, or
Other perfect fits.

—-

Nature never fails to convince me that all are beautiful given appropriate angles. Not all love winter but with the yellow crocus growing in the middle of white snow, who will say no?

Yellow isn’t my favourite colour but the yellow crocus is one of those I’m wanting to see with naked eyes to witness Mother Earth’s generosity even in its coldest period.

May time lets me explore more places on earth.

🐣

yellow crocus, brightness coming out of the icy blanket
imperfect drawing but making my day relaxed and bright

SIN – May 25, 2022 / 21:57

Taken for Granted

For granted I take
The green, the blue and the red
Until they turn grey.

—-

Sometimes I’m thankful that I’m not given opportunity to have children. I can’t imagine what playfulness and nature exploration they will have in their future with very minimum real nature around. I’m thankful. 🥰

Sometimes I’m broken-hearted that I’m not given opportunity to have children. I can’t agree on how some people raise their children. I egotistically imagine how well I would raise them to be human-respecting and nature-loving generation in the family tree. I’m selfish. 😐

Meanwhile I’m always feeling lucky to be me, born when and where nature was willing to introduce her excessive bounties, grew up when and where human interaction was real and warm, working when and where human right and environment protection is a paramount topic. I’m blessed. 🥰

♥️

just realised there is a fully shaven greenery farther across the road 🙃
zoomed in – oh…. maybe not long after this the greenery around me will turn to patches of garden and playground among grey concrete 🙃

Spread of The Day

A wise teacher said:
If you have a space for shelter,
A plate of rice for meal,
A job for a living;
That’s when you’re blessed.

I couldn’t say a word
To deny.

It’s true
And
Only true.

—-

Enjoy!

today’s spread 🥰 – less than last year, not much time to cook 🐣
specialty for Lebaran – opor 🥰 minus fried shallot that makes it less special to me 😎
😎 not the biggest fan of beef, but this one is super good
want more❣️
💓
🥳