Loss & Found – haiku

Loss and found. That’s life.
Like it or not. Come and go.
High and low. Enjoy.

May all beings be happy….

Hujan, Rindu, Cinta

Hujan banyak bercerita. Rintiknya, derasnya, harum tanah yang tertimpa rinainya, segar hawa yang terhirup ke dalam lubang hidung, tusukan jejarum halusnya di titik-titik syaraf, raupan basahnya ketika telapak tangan mengusap muka dan sensasi hujan yang bergesekan dengan indera. Mereka telah membentuk jejak-jejak sejarah hidup. Yang terlupakan dan yang terkenangkan selama usia.

Malam ini hujan turun, kembali membasuh lembaran kenangan. Lantunan lagu-lagu mengentalkan rasa rindu pada Kekasih.

Sudah bermalam-malam rasa cinta ini tumbuh sejak kusadari rindu tak tertahankan.

Dulu. Dulu sekali, aku pikir rindu itu datangnya dari cinta. Baru tersadari di usiaku yang sekian ini bahwa cinta itu buah rindu.

Cinta itu lubang rindu nan tak pernah berhenti menganga.

Kupikir setelah patah hati, aku tak akan mencinta lagi. Pendapat itu tinggal pendapat semu, nyatanya rasa itu datang lagi. Yang menyedihkan adalat jatuh cinta pada Dia yang sama, makin lama makin besar cintanya.

Kugali dan kugali lagi. Bukan cinta sebab semua ini.

Rindu lah yang bertanggung-jawab atas penderitaan cinta.

Rindu lah yang seharusnya kupersalahkan.

Titik-titik hujan di jendela telah berubah menjadi aliran-aliran air. Cinta yang mulanya berupa bercak-bercak di permukaan hati menjelma menjadi danau yang menjadi pengawet hati.

Hati keras menjadi melembut. Yang dulunya tegar mudah terharu. Hati yang penuh dengan nama-nama perlahan hanya mengandungi satu nama. Satu saja.

Pernahkah kau jatuh cinta?

Jika kau mengaku belum, kau harus segera mengalaminya.

Rasa ini menyiksa tapi membuat indah dunia.

Setiap mengingat Dia, manusia memulas warna baru pada senyum dan sorotan mata.

Ketika menyadari bahwa kau tak mungkin mendapatkan Dia, kau menyegarkan hati dengan pemakluman bahwa tak semua uluran tangan disambut dengan ramah.

Segeralah jatuh cinta, sebelum sang waktu menorehkan akhir cerita di kitabmu.

Jatuh cintalah dan warnai rindumu dengan kebaikan hati, penerimaan dan pemakluman. Atau jika cintamu masih muda; marahlah, kecewalah, berteriaklah, panggil namanya dengan penuh rasa niscaya hatimu akan dipenuhi dengan makna hidup yang sesungguhnya.

Rasa rinduku tak pernah hilang. Tak akan pernah sirna.

Wahai Kekasih, semakin hari rindu ini semakin menguar memekat di udara, dihirup olehku dan sesama manusia. Dan cinta ini tak akan berakhir; mungkinkah kita bersua? Doaku melagukan sebuah perjumpaan. Atau jika kita tidak ditentukan berjumpa, aku tak mau lagi berjumpa walau sekali, tak sudi kumau berjumpa.

Hujan tak kunjung berhenti. Alunan musik itu masih ada.

The sun is out, the sky is blue
There's not a cloud to spoil the view
But it's raining, raining in my heart
The weatherman says clear today
He doesn't know you've gone away
And it's raining, raining in my heart
Oh, misery, misery
What's gonna become of me?
I tell my blues they mustn't show
But soon these tears are bound to flow
'Cause it's raining, raining in my heart
But it's raining, raining in my heart
And it's raining, raining in my heart
Oh, misery, misery
What's gonna become of me?
I tell my blues they mustn't show
But soon these tears are bound to flow
'Cause it's raining, raining in my heart
Raining in my heart
Raining in my heart

Slowing Down – haiku

The steps have slowed down,
Taking a deep breath, exhaled.
She's feeling the now.

Is 24 hours enough? Everybody has the same length of time everyday but not everyone is able to appreciate how short it passes without being enjoyed and experienced….

Forgive me, dear Self for making you so dragged with all the fast-paced seconds unaware of what you are really doing. Now take a deep breath and feel the now…. There will be a day, a very long day of 24 hours but feel like it is a forever joy!

I think I am mad…. Talking to myself as if I am two or three or many…. Like Trahald in The Lord of The Rings. No worry, everybody has Trahald, Bilbo Baggin, Frodo, Samwise, Legolas, Gandalf, Arwen, Elrond, Eowyn, Gimli, urukhai, …. Take time to feel each of their presence, but don’t be one of them all the time. Just be yourself with some dose of all of them at the right time by slowing down….

May all beings be happy.

Gandalf

Hey, You Beauty – laughing (bitterly)

I received a package from a good friend.

Face mask!

No, no! Not that face mask that protects us from the germs. It is face mask that can make your skin as white as snow. Beauty face mask! Wow! This is an expensive brand and this good friend gave it to me for free? What might be the cause?

There was a note.

Hey, You Beauty! I see you changed a lot. Slimmer, fresher, more glowing and happier! But I think you’ll be perfect with this product. It will make you as white as snow. You’re just one step behind the real Snow White, a beautiful inside and outside. You like Chinese or Japanese, right? They probably will look at you when you are as light as them. Lovey, lovey — dearly friend

What?!

I didn’t know if it was the compliment or the humiliation I should have taken first. Yes, I changed a lot because of taking care of self much much much better now but won’t make the skin whiter just to be loved by those guys who are fair-skinned. Bloody hell!

This is my reply to that friend.

Hellow, You Pretty! Thanks so much! It was such a nice gift, and thank you for the compliment – I am slimmer, fresher, more glowing and happier than myself before. I am taking care of myself much much much better ‘coz I know I will only live as current me once and I want to appreciate what Life has given me. I haven’t tried the face mask yet but I shared one box with the cleaning lady. She was very happy and yes she said she looks lighter and more beautiful, his husband is also very happy with that; his husband is a Chinese guy so he probably likes her like that. Don’t worry about me, I won’t make any Chinese or Japanese guys look at me because of light skin but I will make only one guy look at me because I am what I am and not necessarily Chinese or Japanese because being a Chinese or a Japanese will not automatically make him cool except for that bloody Tom Cruise in “The Last Samurai”! Next time please send me Korean guy not Korean skin care! Lovey, lovey….

When I re-read that reply, it emitted some shade of anger and I felt guilty. So I called this particular friend and said sorry. One said it was ok and admitted and regretted, one should have thought before writing the message.

“You know I should have said it more nicely, I should not have mentioned about Chinese or Japanese guy because it hurt you much. I should have said guy will look at you if you have light skin without mentioning Chinese or Japanese….”

What the….?!

Ok, some people are born BBB – Boldly Brainless Beauty and it is beyond other people’s control.

It was a funny moment and I am not angry anymore because that friend is right that I don’t have lighter hues. Yet one is wrong that I have to bleach my tan to catch my fish. 😊

May all beings be happy…..

This is the one, many friends said it works wonder. It might be right and hope this product makes more women pretty and happy and…. br**ny!

Wither – music and lyric

When the dream has fallen down
Let it go.
Move on.

Though not wither, hope can dry out and burn itself down like forest in heat fire….

May all beings be happy.

Who Are You? – ranting

My dear Self,
You are not what you have.
You are what you do.

Oh dear Love,
Why do you keep reminding me to be one that is difficult to materialise?
Do I have another option?

My dear Self,
You have all possible options.
Be what you wanna be
But what you have should not define you.

Bloody hell, you Love….
But ok…. I will do.

May all beings be happy.

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Hujan Bulan Juni – Sapardi Djoko Damono

Hujan Bulan Juni

tak ada yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan Juni
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu

tak ada yang lebih bijak
dari hujan bulan Juni
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

tak ada yang lebih arif
dari hujan bulan Juni
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu

—-

Most of his poems are romantic, in all walks of life. His words are not flowery but so touching with its simplicity, flowing like a story.

My maturity has grown and some shade of it has been by this poet’s lyrical poems.

Rest In Peace.

 

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Aku Ingin – Sapardi Djoko Damono

Aku Ingin

Aku ingin mencintaimu
Dengan sederhana
Dengan kata yang tak sempat
Diucapkan kayu kepada api
Yang menjadikannya abu..

Aku ingin mencintaimu
Dengan sederhana
Dengan isyarat yang tak sempat
Disampaikan awan kepada hujan
Yang menjadikannya tiada

—-

Rest In Peace, Maestro 🙏🏼
You are a successful human being for your lyrical poems have humbly touched this person’s heart and taught her how to preserve love…

Sapardi Djoko Damono

I’m Less Than A Dust – haiku

I’m less than a dust
But bigger than galaxy.
Would you please accept?

Some people just wanna stay at one point, forever good, forever winning. Two chances: impossible and improbable combined in a giant jar of lottery

Can you just accept that some people can’t accept your being a dust? Others can’t accept your being galaxy and the other small portion can accept you swinging between these two realities. Take the last group to be your true friends coz they will know when to speak bitter truth to see who you are and when to just throw you sugar-coated appraisals to cajole you in challenging situation.

Be dust and be galaxy
Never forget that you are dust in the galaxy at times,
And galaxy full of dust at others….

May all beings be happy.

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Against Gravity

As if I’m not there.
Floating— I’m a drone over
You, who never cares.

Singapore – July 14, 2020 / 20:24

—-

Expectation is like gravity to a plane that is taking off leaving the runway. Fly away to the destination! Expectation will only overkill your dream especially if the one that you want is not the one that can appreciate sincerity.

May all beings be happy.

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Messy Like Heaven – ranting

Messy like heaven.
After cooking I feel tired
Of all the dirty
Pots, plates, spoons, knives and rubbish.
Full without eating—


I am naturally a picky eater, but trying my best to eat every thing served as long as healthy and non poisonous. I even let myself eat those I’m allergic to – just to prove to this weak Self that this body can bear the poison though has failed now and then.

Today I cooked one traditional food from Java island of beautiful archipelago, my dear Indonesia – buntil.

It is stuffed cassava leaves wraps, you can also use papaya leaves. The content can be as cheap as grated young coconut only or added with anchovy or meat or any protein that you wish to have in the meal. This time I make a fusion – buntil stuffed with Korean stir fried anchovies with pumpkin seed and walnuts. The fusion is just because I could not find the seed that originally cooked in the Java island, we call it “petai Cina” (please use your freedom to find what it is in Google). I bought the Korean side dish coz I don’t know how to make it.

This is cheap and humble dish that is traditionally eaten as side dish with rice. But it has become a rare food where I live now – even people from Indonesia might not find it interesting anymore. Not sure why but alas! Everybody has one’s own liking. I’m so grateful that the cleaning lady knocked my door and brought some earth products that I’ve missed dearly – bamboo shoot, banana flower, cabai rawit and cassava leaves! So why not making food that I’ve missed so dearly, too.

I’m happy with the result, knowing that there are details of ingredients and still a good success. But the after cooking was not so happy seeing piles of dirty containers and cooking utensils that I had to wash by myself…. Heaven!

Anyway! Let’s see the happy scenes! Unhappy scenes of cleaning and tidying up the shelves and cabinets are off the records!

Welcome next good week!

May all beings be happy….

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Raw cassava leaves, just in case you never know what it is….

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Boil the cassava leaves with salt until they are soft enough to chew but not too soft to break themselves in your hands.

 

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Korean stir fried anchovies with pumpkin seeds and walnuts – it is sweet originally but I still seasoned it with the buntil seasoning….

 

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This is to tie up the wrap. If not tied, the wrap won’t be strong enough to hold the anchovies in and the leak of the anchovies with different seasoning from the one in the coconut milk will affect the final blend of the taste.

 

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Wrap it up!

 

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Put all the wraps into the pot…. They are happily waiting for some shower.

 

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Pour the seasoned coconut milk on to the wraps in the pot. And ready to boil….

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Cook until the coconut milk is reduced, absorbed by the wraps. Trust me, the taste is Heaven!

Beauty Is Nature – tanka

Beauty is Nature
Married to Culture. Others?
All failed engagement—
Yet you’ll find culture too shy
And wrapped in modernity.

Singapore – Jul. 3, 2020 / 0:48

I miss going someplace, any place where land is covered with nature mixed with friendly people….

May all beings be happy.

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Slowing Down Footsteps – ranting

Slowing down footsteps
Pace along an ancient route.
Trace back your soul path.

Now here

Thought sometimes gets puzzled why thing happens to the Self, while logically she has made best possible efforts to control it not to emerge into events. At times emotions pour like heavy rain or they numb all nerves.

Then the Self realises that all is about tracing back the soul path: paying one’s karma, optimising one’s dharma.

Dear, Self.
You’d better pass major lessons in the current life. You shouldn’t want to fail the same lessons: acting lame or repeatedly meeting lame spirits wrapped in different physical planes, or both at the same time.

Dear, Beloved.
If it is not done,
Don’t let me slip from Your hands.

May all beings be happy….

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You’re Different, My Love – haiku

You’re different, my Love.
Don’t turn your full life to none.
Keep your head. Alone….

Singapore – Jun. 26, 2020 / 22:31

I won’t let you change your life just to be with me. Fly, dear Self.
As you wish
‘Coz you’re the master of your own Life.

May all beings be happy.

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