Rebirth, Beloved, Rose budding after winter, Welcoming her spring
A long lost friend texted me yesterday and asked if I could accompany her to buy sari and some Indian accessories for Deepavali Day celebration in the school where she is now working. Of course I made myself available. And we agreed to meet in Little India at 6pm which I missed. We both met at 6:30pm.
This friend was gone as if evaporating in 2017. Contacted, no reply, not even delivered. My last message to her in 2019 was “Are you still alive?”
Out of the blue she texted me using a new number in 2020 “How are you, friend? I miss you. Let’s meet up.” We were supposed to meet in October 2020 but never happened.
It was a cool rendezvous! We browsed the market to find the most beautiful yet the cheapest sets of costumes for the will-be-merry celebration.
At 9pm we decided to enjoy our dinner in one Indian restaurant before going home. And there she told me why she didn’t meet anyone of us. Now I become more and more convinced that the brightest person can have the darkest time in life. Luckily there’s a light at the end of the darkest tunnel if one is willing to move forward, not quitting.
We’ve been born as a human baby; and we can be reborn as anything good if we want to. One of the best is to be reborn as a new hope with good friends around!
Birthday, Beloved, One step closer to the gate To a rendezvous
It’s my mother’s 77th birthday and she looked so happy when I called through my little brother’s phone. A happy day for all of us finding that she’s still happy and healthy in this age.
She’s a lady of the house. She’s respected by family and neighbours because of her kindness. She’s cheated though by the greed. She’s loved by her children at the same time official enemy of all of them at certain time. I personally have a shade of rivalry against her, she did envy me how I would be closed with and always got constant support from my father. 😂
My friends want to be like her but I don’t. I don’t want to be like her because her life was too tough. She was born in a period of war, raised mostly without a father and be given a lot of ups and downs in her personal journey. Lucky that she was married to a humble, kind, hard working man and they became one of the best couples in our humble world.
Happy birthday, Ibu. I wish you happiness. 💝 Long happy life! See you at our dining table on your 78th birthday. 😘😘😘😘😘😘
Deny all what’s not Is a start where to find me. Seed to be seedling, Tree decayed, the decayed soil Eaten by air. Who am I?
Identity is a consequence of marriage. You marry the country, you’ll be a nationality but what if your passport expires? You marry a company, you become an employee but what if you retire? You marry a career, you are higher and higher but what if you are not promoted? You marry a clique, you become a friend but what if they kick you out?
You marry a person, you become a spouse then a mother then a grandmother, etc. You are a wife only to your husband. You are a mother only to your children. And so on.
What you have married brings you an identity. Layered identity is wrapping you.
You can marry as many as those to earn identity. You can’t be any of them forever and you can’t be with those you marry forever. None of them is permanent; there’s a time for each of them.
Are all those identities you? After living this long, I can confidently say NO.
I thought I was this body, but the body deteriorate. I thought I was the mind, but the mind is so inconsistent. I’m not even this name.
There must be a question inside that you can’t deny, dear Self. Who…. Are…. You?
The answer lies at one point of your cruise. Grab your apparatus and dive in your own deep ocean, Self.
Be alone some time either when alone or among the crowd, and naked in front of your own self. Deny all what’s not and find the truly you.
Dream is more than true. It’s alive in different world. Sail, Dream. Sail to me.
If you’ve got dreams, never kill them no matter how impossible they look, with one condition: they should be good dreams that don’t harm other creatures. Live with the dreams. Ship them to reality with all whispers and prays.
Dreams are standing in queue, waiting for the door to open up to them.
Cool breeze sweeps dry leaves, Branches stretch to where Wind blows. Where do you go, Wind?
How can I ignore my own silence? How can I listen to the noise more? It is tiring to leave my own self behind, I’m doing it though. I haven’t trusted my self. 🙃
This mind acts like dry leaves, scrambling frantically just because of cool breeze. Sometimes it moves lazily in panic pulled by strong wind, changing directions every now and then. Lightly and heavily moving because of doubt and fear of failure—
Trust is what can help. Trust that there is a net catching me when I free fall. Trust that there is light at the end of the tunnel although I haven’t seen it yet. Trust that I’m in process, not lost.
Trust is a light word, weighing as heavy as an unmovable mountain.
Only, Beloved, Unnecessary limit. Roam. Do celebrate.
Weekend always opens my eyes to see that life isn’t only about balancing or fulfilling. Life is sometimes about emptying what’s full and making regular things odd, because celebrating is about putting one more milestone where a journey restarts.
September, thank you for giving me many signs which I can and cannot read. The unread is queueing to be deciphered. Wish you give me the answers so I can have more celebrations in life.
Good heart, Beloved, What blossoms her life. Always. Bright light in the dark—
Human being with good heart looks weak. Yes. Not always though
Human being with good heart looks stupid. Yes. Not always though
Human being with good heart looks naive. Yes. Not always though
Human being with good heart looks vulnerable. Yes. Not always though
With all those, she’s still seeking all ways to shape a good heart. Failure. Pain. Sadness. Vulnerability. Anger. Disappointment. All those are nothing but chisels sculpting the best figure in the right place at the right time.
Thanks for sending me all those human beings with good heart along this journey.
Canna, you’re a maze. An intricate bright beauty— May I have jasmine?
Some people behave like a maze alive. While impressing others with beautiful look, fascinating sweetness, deathly charms; they often hide the truest true.
Perhaps they are not ready with vulnerability as a result of experiences of untrue relationships. Or, the worst scenario is they have hidden agenda.
While it works wonder in literary or art (some authors or artists want anonymity or pseudonymity, and their works are better sold), it won’t work in friendship. It will be a total failure to some extent.
What are people trying to hide from those called closest friends…. if at the end the untruthfulness stops the friendship from functioning well? Why should ones be pretending?
To someone who is being forced by life for a seclusion: Please be strong and learn to be vulnerably honest about yourself to your own self. Wish you the best of the best. You’re a butterfly in the making. 💝
The play-smart mind told me “Find what’s the cause.”
The relaxed mind of me replied “Alamak… It’s just a metal.”
The play-pretty mind said “But it is now less pretty!”
The play-wise mind said “Small one. I’m just being careless. Ok!”
The greedy mind said “That’s a good reason to buy new ones!”
From behind the door, the naive one said “Why so noisy? It doesn’t kill.”
And the core is just smiling, not even opening its eyes.
When talking to one’s own self, one should be ready to feel like crazy inside because one will suddenly realise even within one there are this one and that one, each of whom is craving for attention and needing entertainment.
Get entertained instead and they’ll be the most attractive acrobatics!
You are, Beloved, A complete self who finds new Self one at a time.
A philosopher once said that change is the only constant and others agreed with the statement. When we see change as tangibility yes, I totally agree.
Yet about growth of self I have my own comprehension. Do I change? Yes, I get thinner or fatter, older with wrinkles and lines not younger, slower, weaker physically, less sharp sight, and so on and so forth. So I change? No, I’m still the same person with the same DNA, family, date of birth, place of birth, or other possible constants.
Not only that….
I believe I’m always this full yet I discover this self more and more everyday. With deeper and deeper understanding, wider and wider disclosure I have lived and accepted life.
Personally everyone is granted with talents, DNA, family, date of birth, place of birth. No one can deny those. No one can escape even one hates those and wishes to have been born someone else. Sorry, you can’t! Embrace the personality.
Yet everyone is given opportunity to build identity.
What did I want myself to be?
What did I not want to be associated with?
How did I want others to perceive me?
How did I not want others to treat me?
Whom do I want to enter my life?
Who will be part of my inner circle I want?
Why have I done this and that? This is a very important question to even know the unbroken chains that has brought me to this state.
Am I still I am? Yes, definitely a constant! But am I me? No, you’re a different you since you’ve embraced constant self discovery.
Me: Saturday night, keep me safe and warm.
Saturday night: You’ll be safe and warm if you finish your laundry and mop the floor. No one will do it!
Me: (losing all suddenly-pretending-to-be-wise act and thought)
Time flies, Beloved Wraps a flying plane. Bless me At my travel end.
Finally met my Sensei again after some time! In June I took a break because of some sickness and work. In July and early August she did because she had to take care of her family who were infected with the virus.
We didn’t open the book at all last night. Only a happy reunion checking what had happened for the past 2.5 months without meeting just some hello via messaging. Conversation flew about language, culture and personal experience dealing with both.
At one point she interestingly described about pleasure and purpose that compose happiness.
She decided to retire from her position as a VIP in one of the biggest business empire in the world before she was 40. She knew that she could not work forever and she wanted her own self not her age to decide when she had to quit. She thought she was ready and here she is now, an independent woman with a lot of personal projects and teaching Japanese with a style!
When she worked, she did with all her heart. She didn’t involve herself in office politics that made her not a social darling but definitely made her a genuine and independent loyal. She made decision with wisdom and integrity that made her a leader-maker but at the same time a strong gate of ethics. And she shined in her own way!
A sun is a sun when it knows when it rises and sets. And my Sensei is one.
She said it was a pleasure to work in her position with much luxury but she left because she didn’t see the real purpose she was serving. She was rich but true happiness was missed. She moved out from her luxurious apartment in the heart of Jakarta and rent it out, and moved to her mother’s home – a home full with flowers and good neighbours in East Jakarta. She restarted balancing pleasure and purpose.
Pleasure makes someone’s life sustain but without purpose there is no true sustainability. When one outgrows the other, happiness tank isn’t optimised. Pleasure and purpose is also a blend of colours that creates a perfect hue.
When I said whether she was afraid of losing the grip for having no routine, she said yes for the first two months of her early retirement; she felt somewhat regret of giving up the corporate vibe. She felt like cutting herself off from the world. In those two months she just went out eating, driving, cleaning the house. And after that her life started to bloom in different ways.
She found many more opportunities that she didn’t even know existing. And she is still rich with more leisure time and true friends. She said life is miracle.
Before pandemic she often traveled to smaller islands in the archipelago as a volunteer and annually visited Japan as her old habit. She said she wants to continue that after the pandemic is over, when Heaven knows.
When I said I wish I could do it, she said no. She said what I’m doing is what she dreamt of in corporate life before: having the pleasure of working with purpose. Conversation went more even livelier, we skipped the Japanese lesson and shared about our dreams. A more interesting class!
Last night was one of the great time in life when the feeling of balance surrounds me.
It was 1:07am when we finally said good bye. See you next week, Sensei! Thanks for the lessons.
Life is full of Teachers. Learn from them. But don’t forget the Master in you, live with one with love.
Freedom, Beloved, Inner beauty blooms in time. True celebration—
Celebration is a blessings enjoyed everyday. Celebrating health. Celebrating welfare. Celebrating family. Celebrating friendship. Celebrating breath. Celebrating greenery…… Celebrating anything I want to celebrate.
Celebrating stupid chats with some good friends. 😁
I love celebration in which commemoration is the core but never ever enjoy party in which entertainment is the core.
August is major celebration after September. In August two home countries celebrate their independence: Indonesia on 17, Singapura on 9. Both have unique ways to celebrate the days. For the past nine years on Singapura’s I’ve personally loved seeing all the flags hanging in apartments and along streets, in Indonesia’s except last and this years I’ve gone to the Embassy for flag ceremony combined with meeting with other Indonesians enjoying the precious moment together.
Happy National Day, Singapura! Thanks for taking care of me.
Dirgahayu Indonesiaku! How much ever the distance between us, you’re always in this heart. Thanks for gushing me some blood of great archipelago.
Dogma, Beloved, The least she can hold in life. She is full of quests.
What human beings should think of being sick is it is a tool materialised by Life to make them stop or at least slow down especially from analysing every single thing. Yet human beings often forget that blessing should not be always gift-wrapped in fancy paper with ribbons; it might be sometimes humbly bundled in a sack.
Blimey! Why do I have so many sacks? And poorly unable to untie them successfully 😎
Secret, Beloved Ice cube waiting for warm touch— Melts and flows: a stream Of messages from the heart. Read or heard of. Clean and clear—
No secret, it’s exposure or disclosure in the right place at the right time. I believe life is somewhat designed WYSIWYG for those willing to see life as it is. What you see (should be) is what you get.
Private is about level of security one is living. One day things will be exposed and forgiven or glorified.
Confidential is about secret recipe. One day things will get disclosed and comprehended and copied.
As simple as that. I’ve got no secret hidden. It is just about time for you to know. Either you’ll hate me or hate yourself; OR love me or love yourself for knowing “the secrets”.
Clear sight, Beloved, Right, clean lens at the right time— Can you see her through?
The older I am getting, the worse this eyesight is growing. Just last week I decided to buy reading spectacles because of so many errors in identifying tenten (double apostrophe) and maru (circle), two grammatical markers added to hiragana and katakana characters especially that affect minimal pair of voices /p/ and /b/.
It’s fine, at least I can see myself clearer. Liking it or not, it’s me. 😘
This love, Beloved, Can’t buy your life. It’s too small, A library card To borrow books full of clues With which the path is open.
This path, Beloved, Stands arched, meeting at both ends, Leaving colour dusts.
Many words can’t explain the emotions experienced by human beings and what come out are symbolical beauty and serenity. For those who don’t like language will mostly get bored and or get misled with the real message.
That simply shows language is a great tool to communicate the idea and emotions yet what should always be remembered is that there are intrinsic and extrinsic factor to comprehend messages. Life isn’t WYSIWYG-based program to some extent.
At the end of the day it is about how I activate the radar through all senses to read messages around me.
Sometimes it is ok to misunderstand, but try best not to misunderstand 1 plus 1 equals 2 in basic Algebra.