Signs – ranting

When sign means nothing,

She’s maybe illiterate

Or dead desperate.



I had a conversation with a good friend, the topic was “sign”. This particular friend cannot read most of non verbal signs and hints from her spouse clearly. What her spouse shows non verbally won’t trigger any curiosity from her; except when he expresses it verbally then she will understand. Facial gestures, body language, more seriously mental vibration won’t do her any ring anymore.


I thought it was strange as a couple should be able “to read” each other’s feeling or idea with a blink of an eye! At least that’s my ideal couple goal.


Then after a while I can relate to what has happened to me.


I’ve been living away from family for more than 25 years; the 7 of which I’ve lived totally home alone (cats and other pets not counted). And that 7-year period is when I think I’ve lost the ability to read what my family is trying to communicate to me. We either don’t understand “the language” or we just can’t accept “the reasoning”. When it comes to language, I feel that our ability to read kinds of personal or cultural gestures have diminished either with my ignorance to their loving and caring behaviour or with their insensitivity to my practicality and logical thinking. We just don’t know how to match things in many occasions and usually we’ll just tolerate each other by saying “no worry, as long as you are happy and healthy”.


When I asked what happened to my friend and her spouse, she said “I just don’t know what language I should use to communicate with him”. Hmm exactly what I experience with my mother and siblings.


“Why don’t you try guessing whatever you see from him? Just to show that you care?”


“I’ve tried but it looks unnatural. He asked me why I did weird questioning and guessing.”


“It is ok, unnatural at the beginning but will be natural when you find the click”.


“We won’t find a click anymore. We are not happy and not meant to be.”


Eh?


At that point I couldn’t say anything. I think she is not illiterate, she’s seriously desperate.


Gosh! Life is a mystery! We, her close circle have always thought they’re the happiest and I’m the lonely. Now I think it is time to be thankful just for a minute to be happier even than the happiest.


May all beings be happy…..

What Makes Weekend Weekend

Waking up (very) late
Relaxed
Watching movies or YouTube videos
Trying some new recipes
Changing the bedsheet
Cleaning all rooms in the house
Eating out if feeling bored with my own food
Joining online classes
Or going to Kinokuniya
❤️
And…..
…. doing my laundry 💔
…. all in all my weekend is like my working days except for the laundry things.

A complete package is always with at least one unpleasant thing!

May all beings be happy

Against Gravity

As if I’m not there.
Floating— I’m a drone over
You, who never cares.

Singapore – July 14, 2020 / 20:24

—-

Expectation is like gravity to a plane that is taking off leaving the runway. Fly away to the destination! Expectation will only overkill your dream especially if the one that you want is not the one that can appreciate sincerity.

May all beings be happy.

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Buds Are Coming Out – haiku

Buds are coming out.
Orchids bloom when they’re loved. Ah!
Best fertiliser?

Singapore – April 13, 2020 / 18:40

Once more my orchids are producing bud stems.Yay!

I believe they are happy seeing me who greets and talks to them everyday now.  Once I thought talking or singing to plants was a madness but now I think it is a medicine for madness.

Try it and you’ll find those plants happier by showing you more vibes, flowers or fruits and yourself happier for knowing that you still have friends offline during this remote work.

I wish my orchids get happier and happier and so do I.

May all beings be happy. 🙏🏼

Incineration – haiku for 2020

Incineration
Is open, ready to burn
Rubbish. All is well.

Singapore – December 31, 2019 / 20:40

New year again? 😼

Although a year is just an agreed cycle, it has always directed a human being (me) to (nervously) plan things – end of year feels like a Management System practice for me: reviewing all the goal, action, gap, errors, plan adjustment, take away and self-scolding of why-this-why-not-that. Of course I’ve failed in many corners and turns every single year. Umm…. It doesn’t matter, lovely Self. 😘

And taps on my shoulders are enough to celebrate some success. 😘

Learning from my stupidity, I decided to make 2020 an incineration. A central waste plant to destroy each and every memory and/or situation that doesn’t serve my journey anymore. Decluttering!

I have a long virtual list of those needing to be burnt! One of them could be YOU! 😁

Thank you, 2019 for the ride and lessons. You are loved, you are remembered. Rest In Peace.

Happy New Year 2020! Welcome, this new Self!

Health, Love, Stock Price!

I wish you are all blessed through your own blessings.

….. One more: God bless all animal rescuers on earth! 💝

CD95AE4D-662B-4557-8F48-ECCDA8236E8D

Masquerade – ranting

Life is about masquerading.
How well she acts under a mask determines what the crowds will give her.
Whether she is crying under a smiling mask, it doesn’t matter. What matters is her body languages correspond with the smiles in the mask.

Her cry in the heart will not resonate whatever frequency is spread through the air ‘coz the crowds don’t read the heart. They see the mask and they are wearing masks, too.

Dear, Mask.
How are you?
Are you happy there?
Or, do you need some touch-up of colors?
Let me do it.
I can put mascara, blush-on, eye-shadow, eyelashes or more colors on your lips.
Your smiles shall not fade away.
Otherwise, the crowds will be disappointed and go away.

Dear, Mask.
Do you know how I am?
I am crying for how long you are suffering to look good all the time.
Sobbing when you have to laugh out loud celebrating how grand the victory is.
Weeping to see the mask running low with sweat, tired of grinning at how splendid love looks.
You seem so young but I know you are weathered.
Don’t you want to take a break?

……

But hold on, Mask.
Hold on a second.
Let me think it over.
Let me reckon what I just said to you.
No, no, no.
Do you need to listen to what I said?
Yes, you should.
But should you change?
No!
It is a big no-no.

I am happy that I am here for you.
I am what I am as you are what you are.
I am your shadow, where you can hide for a while.
I am your sanctuary, where you can take shelter.
I am your bin, where you want to dump all your hazardous wastes of make-up.
I am your Lover.
I can be your Beloved, too.

Dear, Mask.
Be a good mask.
Play the best acting as you can.
If life is a joke, let yourself be the greatest Joker.
When life orders pretension, be the greatest Pretender.
You take the best Role in this Life,
With me beyond your Play.

evening-of-hope-feature

Dear, Mask.
Just don’t forget that….
There is the Playwright.
Never ever take action without His bloody instruction.

Dear, Mask….
“Camera! Action!”

Singapore – August 11, 2019 / 10:45pm

Picture borrowed from https://myvancity.ca/2016/01/14/evening-of-hope-gala/

Masquerade is Done – haiku

Heard a sheering cry–
May all beings be happy.
Masquerade is done.

Mount Agung from afar, what can we see in location? Un-rescued pets, cattle, etc…. But the cry of the voiceless is not only upthere, many dogs cry for being killed violently. For food, take the necessary and treat them well including don’t torture them to die. May all be beings be happy….!

Lodtunduh, January 21, 2018 – 01:40

Passed Away

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Our dear Moppy passed away on March 26, 2017 at around 12:14pm Jakarta time. Not a good news for us but we have to face it. He’s lived comfortably in his past years.

I couldn’t write a romantic letter for him earlier as I was too sad to say things about him.

Now that I can write things about him, very little though and not representing my big emotion.

He is happy and comfortable now – happier and more comfortable than when he was in his sick body on earth. And, he is still watching us especially watching Karin Franken who had been taking care of him for his last time before he died. Thank you, Karin – that is what Moppy has said every single day even now.

Moppy, you’ve been our dear dog. Special in your own way, like each of your human buddies are special in our own ways.

Moppy, you’ve changed my perception about dogs. You’ve changed my actions on the animal welfare. You’ve changed my thinking constelation – making me more aware about why we are here….

Moppy, again thank you…. Unlimited thank you.

Moppy, please forgive me for not visiting you for so long…. I know you know why I didn’t come. For you to know that you’ve always been in my diary and in my HEART.

Moppy, be good. Run free! So long, my buddy!

Salaaam….

Temasek – April 2, 2017 – 16:36

Green valley – haiku

Two dogs and a cat
Stroll in joy, breathing sweet air
In a green valley.

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How big is my dream of having a green valley? So big…. Why? Because I want as many animals as possible to live happily in the valley, as many farmers as possible to earn good living in the valley,  and as long as the earth can sustain the valley stays green…. And, so be it with faith….

Singapore – May 14, 2016 – 5:01pam

A Green Pioneer

On a bed of giant stones,
Green pioneer is settling its foundation….
A root-like thread that’s prone
To deform hard surface to cushion.

Expanding considerably fair,
While breathing the air,
Unfolding a bed of soft mat,
Comfort to sleep for a cat.

Some fairies are lingering around,
Seeing if the fresh bed is ready,
And, landing abruptly — laughing outloud,
Hugging their own torso, a giggling spree.

moss-mountain

Picture borrowed from https://narble.wordpress.com/2015/03/20/haiku-moss/comment-page-1/#comment-699

On the bed more and more greeneries grow ahead,
On the sofness deformed under the root-like thread.
The green pioneer is chewing the stones,
Without giving pain to those soil bones.

Behold!
While sitting on the green mat —
Soft, wet and fragrant.
Thank you, Universe….
For teaching me about the happy pioneer.

Moss….

Temasek – October 14, 2015 – 1:00am

Baby Lennon – Happy Baby

Lennon, the baby I met in Singapore Botanical Garden seemed to be a happy boy. He didn’t look afraid when I approached him. He just curiously stared at me without any voice produced. His eyes were moving along with my waving hands and facial gestures.

CIMG0054

All he did without smiling.

CIMG0068

But when I touched his hands, he started feeling my warmth and trusting me. Then he smiled constantly until I said goodbye….

What a bright day!

CIMG0067

Temasek – March 15, 2015 – 12:43am

Loss

Certain loss should make you happy

Seriously.

Do you know that….

…. sometimes I think of a great loss of my hair that is not balanced with my weight loss. And, I think I am happier if the loss is the other way around.   🙂

balance

Singapore – February 19, 2015 – 7:00pm

Picture borrowed from http://themoderndayspartan.com/the-secret-to-balance/

I Do What I Believe Is Right

When I was a teacher years ago, I didn’t stop telling my students that all deeds are based on our intention and our intention is based on our belief. “Never stop asking yourself whether or not what you believe is right,” said I at that time. And, I’ve got tested every now and then — I guess the Universe wants to show us that I walk the talk.

And, yes. I walk the talk. I do believe what I believe is right, with reserve. Challenging our own belief is kinda routine task scheduled in life. With that, I don’t bother anymore what people are saying about what I’m doing or even what or who I am. This is a good life to travel and this path is already set, planned in the space somewhere by the Core of the Universe…. Why bother by fellow traveler?

I’m not a teacher anymore and recently I’ve been tested by a fact that some people are just sucking energy like vampire sucks the blood. Don’t worry, they are not that powerful. They suck, but weakly — not as strong as they think they are. They think they suck your “blood”, your “real life spirit” to dry but actually they only suck the “sweat”, the daily emotion that act as rubbish of our day. So, the best treatment for those suckers is only one: just smile and play seriously….

Play seriously? Yups, don’t entertain them. Just treat them as friends who have nobody to share and cry for bucket to puke all their stress of life. Not seldom they would try to make you jealous (to them or to others) or angry by sending you stories or news…. But, that is the worst scenario. They just need your attention so give it to them. And, I believe it is right — paying attention is right!   🙂

It is weekend and ‘ve got laundry to clean up so nothing much I can do to entertain those kinds of things. Ignore.

Again, I do what I believe is right and ‘m gonna keep doing it till I think I don’t believe what I am doing is right. Nothing to explain to the outer world.

IMG_3803

Dinner with a bunch of workaholic and global trekkers 

Singapore – January 17, 2015 – 12:35am

Into The Nature

Happiness and joy are represented by those two children playing in the rice field. Running and laughing, chasing each other in the sloping road…. Framed by terraced land of paddy, roofed with blue sky, and founded on the strong brown soil they enjoy their early journey of life.

IMG_0164

Oka and Asti

IMG_0168

Catch me if you can, Mbak Asti….

IMG_0169

Grinning Oka

IMG_0187

Smiling Asti

IMG_0222

Pretty ladybird

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Nephew and aunt

Temasek – January 9, 2015 – 1:02am

When You Get Older

When I was young, I thought to be old is kind of frightening yet “entertaining”. Frightening because I saw my mom got wrinkles at the eyes and lips area – when she smiled tiny lines were formed, hair gets thiner and whiter, she sometimes complained about getting tired after walking a not-so-long distance and gave more reminders than before to the youngsters. Getting old is physically deteriorating. But “entertaining” for the some people surrounding, I teased her for the wrinkles, tiresome and constant chatter; she didn’t get upset – just smiled and said “Wait until you get there, dear daughter”.

And, yes I am now old and found the tiny linings around my eyes and lips, more gray hairs than before – oh, I’ve been gray-haired since teenager,  get tired more easily after facility tour (but still can make it in 200,000 sqm area on a two-day tour), complain more about my nephews and nieces who look lazier and more relaxed compared to myself in their age. But yes, I am at the same time more patient, accept things the way they are, become more observant and reserved towards problems, and…. simplify my goals.

Those might not be really valid facts of being old, maybe only relevant to “me being old”. Others might experience different occurrences and effects; however, all those happenings in my growing up have made my mind. Getting old is not always frightening and “entertaining” anymore for me, it can even be the real entertainment for yourself if you take it in a fun way.

You might still have more time to do more things useful for your own self, family, close friends and to wider environment – for me wider environment includes social responsibility and animal welfare.

When getting old has haunted you, there is a key to overcome it: Do things, never stop. Taking meaningful actions is of course a good choice but meaningful doesn’t mean big stuff. Cooking in the morning, grooming your children or pets, chit-chatting with friends about silly things, growing plants, blogging about small stuff, laughing at funny little jokes, etc, and so on…. Just enjoy the second of this life. Many people grow old happy….

I remember how Oprah Winfrey gets older happy. Dalai Lama gets older happy and calm even in the middle of chaos suffered by his people that he can’t reach out. Emha Ainun Najib gets old happy with his family & good friends even with the facts that his ideas have been betrayed by many people. Comedian Leilasari gets older happy even she is not a rich artist at the dawn of her career. Many people are happy aging…. My mom is one of them, guess I’ll be joining them.

I believe many of you won’t mind growing old without sorry.

Old-Woman-200x300

Picture borrowed from http://www.drycreekherbfarm.com/blog/?p=32

Penang – November 2, 2014 – 6:25

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