Be Patient To Self

When colours are tied
To  canvas, the painter mourns,
“Dear, hard to move on.”
It says “One stroke at a time.
Sit down and relax your mind.”

Be patient, Self. Be patient. It hurts but nothing is permanent. Accept the pain but don’t let suffering take over this journey. Don’t break. Don’t break.

Thanks for everything. 💞

May all beings be happy.

I know this is going to be a favorite collection but every time I sit down to complete this painting, there is a big fear of failure. As if this squirrel perfection in mind takes over determination to materialise what I’ve dreamt. Oh, Squirrel!

Van Gogh, help meeeee!!! 😝

Peace Is Within


Dive, mine pearls deep down.
True book with golden pages:
Self you’ve forgotten.

Past year without traveling and literally working from home has brought a kind of peaceful mind. Workload is still there but the level of stress is much much lower and that has made me a happier person.

What’s more, a lot of discoveries about self: negative, positive, wound, trauma, anger, disappointment, broken heart, happiness, honesty, fun, comedies, sweetness of my heart; all are blessings in different manifestation. What a period 2020 and 2021 has been! Socially it is a worldwide trial! Personally for me it is a deep wound of ignorance!

Slowly I realise that it is the way Universe teaches me what’s best to be a human being called me. I don’t like people to do one thing to me so I will never do it to others. But I won’t expect others to do what’s best according to me— let the Universe teach them how to do it….

Thanks Universe, you are the best teacher and teaser at the same time! I praise you and scold at you as I wish at the same time! ⚡️

Life is so just. You lose, you gain. It is just about time…. While waiting, befriend with your own self….

Thanks for everything….. 💞

May all beings be happy.

yellow is honesty – honest to self 💫

A Brand New Day

A brand new day’s come
With the breeze through the windows;
With the morning sun; 
With your shadow, Beloved 
Who dances through my heart beats.

To those who have lost the trust of love…. There is always a brand new day, a brand new way.

May all beings be happy….

Laughter Is Medicine – video

Let’s laugh!

Some people laugh at their life stories: childhood, poverty, unrequited love, school….

Comedians professionally make it full of laughter and lessons learnt.

God bless you all comedians who have entertained others with smart or stupid self mockery! What a hard work and dedication for others this job is! わざわざ!

Only for those who know Bahasa Indonesia 😛

Four-Letter Words

Four-letter word, Love.
I take love to deal with you.
With full risk I know.

God talks about love. Religion talks about love. Many people refer to divinity and humanity.

Rumi talked about love. Ibn Arabi talked about love. People interpret their topic of love in wide spectrum: lustily physical, romantic, humanity, divinity — from the simple to the absurd. And it is always beautiful whatever the perspective is, as long as love becomes the foundation.

You can approach love from your own experience, the message is simply between Lover and Beloved. People may judge your message of love, but you are the truest judge to yourself….

From a seed of awe
Grew secret admiration.
Joy in painful hide
Summed up by a flash farewell—
I love you from where I am.

Love is actually personal experience that internally grows or flickers out based on the quality and responses. I find in my experience loving someone for many years without him knowing it until we took a farewell—he might only know he is special to me and not more; love grows but wisely stops expecting anything. Why expecting if you don’t even get the expected responses from the person and there is no entrance to learn more about the one that you love? Poor me? No, I’m lucky that love has tested me and I pass.

Yes, the most important thing is to test love, how true it is. What if your love isn’t intense anymore? How if the one you love doesn’t love you? How if you find your love evolves? All those rubbish absolutely happen. 😂

It is always good to talk about love. Love deserves a talk, in either low or high pitch, anger or soberness, silence or crowd, far or near, laze or excitement….

A bunch of roses
Present flowers, leaves, stems, thorns—
Where is the root, Love?
It’s left in the heart, where growth
Is truer and forever.

Yet for those who never contemplate or who don’t care, love is difficult to embrace and feel. The vibe can be so fake or vague without physical presence. They need definition of love, which can only degrade the quality of it. Just do….

What have I ranted about?

Too much for the last day of new year’s holiday but too good to be unsaid to start very good years ahead!

I send my best regards to you across the ocean. Happy and Healthy New Year! I love you from where I am.

May all beings be happy.

Singapore – January 4, 2021 – last day of holiday / 14:10

Is And Is Not

Rains talk about it:
What is and is not; unique,
Comprehensive Self.
Woven with thousands of threads,
Dyed in thousands of colours—

It’s about you, Beloved…. You that is understood and at the same time misunderstood….

May all beings be happy.

Sometimes

Sometimes it’s the place,
Always the people. Stay put.
None beats inner peace.

…. and the eternal flame of Soul once again ignites the understanding that gratitude on what’s given is much bigger than what’s promised.

…. and you can never get rid of me

Forever….

God is love?

Dog is love!

May all beings be happy.

Lovin’ Ma Bike

Lil knoz ‘bout a gal
Bikin’ crashin’ co’nut tree
Laughed and helped at once

Remembering what you did in childhood is like watching cartoon movies, entertaining and energizing. How painfully the bad time was brought to you, when recalled, it brings a good smile back to your face.


When I was a girl, I loved riding bike. Often time racing with no one just with my beloved red one, enjoying the wind as if I was the queen of the road. Old people knew I was one of the careless.

One day I took off hands from the handlebars to clap hands singing along. Stupidly… No… Excitedly! Thought I was good enough as a bike rider. So, the wind took control of the bike in high speed as we were sliding from a sloping edge. We crashed into a coconut tree in front of neighbour’s house. It was my first bloody accident in life and not the last for sure 😊 I was lucky to live in a community who believed that children of the neighbourhood were the responsibility of all…

By then bike and I always met our rescuers. Now I won’t, so I ride bike wisely…. 😁 So far only one mudguard wheel was gone because of one silly accident —an irresponsible electric scooter didn’t want to slow down and forced me to get stuck to the side of the bike way pushed us to a tree. Hope no accident anymore 👍🏽

Nothing happens for no reason. Always be happy how much ever life sprinkles bitter to your plate. Hope all become good memories when we see it from later time.

May all beings be happy.

Classes In Pandemic

What a given time!
Fluency and artistic test,
All measured and timed—

—-

This working from home has given me less travel time and automatically much shorter time for its preparation and unpacking etcetera. This should be well used, too as without it my sleeping disorder has caused a lot more trouble than before so I decided to take some online courses that have sprung like mushroom in rainy days.

I took some online courses in Udemy and some other course centres that offer more rigorous online courses during this pandemic. In Udemy I took massage class for baby, root cause analysis, project management, and so on and so forth — those are done independently, just read and listen to some lectures and do some test with or without certificates. The other two are language classes: Japanese and Arabic.

Why do I chose those courses? All that I took are all that I need.

Ayurvedic massage for baby? Don’t laugh! I am inspired by Yu Yat, my late baby sitter and “second mother”. She was the one taking care of me since I was a red baby until I reached 12 years old before I could take care of myself, while my parents were extremely busy as civil servants. In her late life my baby sitter continued her mother’s professional legacy as a baby masseuse – Javanese baby massage. I visited her everyday whenever I spent holiday in mother’s home. Seeing her handle the babies was my favourite and I told her that I wanted to be a baby masseuse like her and she said “You can but why do you have to? You have a very good job and you might not have time to do it.” She was right and it was forgotten for so many years but inspiration never dies – and so I took an online class. I plan to practice it when visiting my mother’s town after pandemic, Yu Yat’s sister in law continues the profession so I can “borrow one client baby”. Hope it is a success. Who knows I can be a baby masseuse in my retirement time. Yay!

The other classes are all things related to my jobs, I am “sharpening my claws”. Wicked lady! Haha!

And the language classes? I need them to better the quality of life. Japanese? I do communicate with Japanese whose English is mostly not up to my par — not all but most. The way they express their idea in English has either confused or annoyed me. And when I interacted with those guys I found at times they were laughing at me – bloody hell I don’t like to be laughed, men! I checked with the people working for me yes those men were laughing at me not to underestimate me but just because they don’t feel easy with a woman being so authoritative and open. Oh my! What is a female employee supposed to do at work differently from the male? Washing their coffee mugs or polishing their shoes? So I promised that I will at least understand Japanese and know when they laugh at me so that I can scold at them. 😁 No, no, I just want to make my conversation with them at ease. Japanese men are the most insecure male creature I’ve ever met on earth so I understand why they behave like s***** people sometimes. And, who knows I can write my first haiku in its original language someday? Yay!

Arabic language? I did learn for two years when I was young and I think I still need it so I am not cheated with wrong conception of religious thought. I have to know what the book is exactly saying as the translated version of Quran (into other languages) is never pure translation, they are all interpretation that have driven the reader to a certain opinion that will lead people to irresponsible actions at times. So with one of my best friends I took an online course. We both always want to be free thinkers with basis! Not much target – intermediate level is ok.

One more to go…. I want to join Jewelry making course and Asian herb course. Maybe I can make Jewelry and herbal drinks when I retire later.

I am so thankful that I’ve got time to develop myself in such a way. I’m not happy with this pandemic though, please don’t get me wrong….

But yeah, sometimes I juggle with the homework of the language classes. The teachers are killers! 😁

May all beings be happy….

Remember Her

Relationship pattern changes over time and so does the way children relate with their parents. Although we are far away from each other, always remember the precious role of our parents especially mother. Oh anyway, I was closer to father. As he passed away, I become close to mother.

Dear Self, at least say hi through online chat or video call. Sending her the picture of our lunch would be a good sign that we are ok. Never let her worry about us, no matter what.

There’s Always A Light – ranting

There’s always a light
In the dark. Open your eyes
While you’ve got your time.

Singapore – throwback flood in my apartment last week

My apartment was flooded because of a bursting pipe joint in the kitchen. I was so panicky with the joint pipe bang sounding like an explosion, when I ran to the kitchen the pipe strongly sprayed water – hot water! Bloody hell! It was the hottest shower I’ve ever had in my life.

I could not find the valve to stop the water flow. Water had reached the living room and kitchen balcony. I threw all pillow from the sofa and all big towels in the drawer to the kitchen door to hold the water. I didn’t know what to do! I said to myself: My neighbour!

I felt desperate as I didn’t know anyone in the 15th floor. They never open their doors. But I was so lucky that #2 door was open and I saw a man, a woman and a small girl.

Long story short the husband ran in to my home, while I ran downstairs to the facility office to get help to close the external valve for my apartment water supply. It took 20 minutes to stop the hot water flood. Hot water!!!

When the facility lady reached my apartment (with me) my neighbour was wet like hell in my kitchen holding the piping joint. He looked so desperate but tried to behave fine and calm.

I felt so guilty especially when he helped me put a complaint on the valve thing. The wife kindly told me that they will help me follow up if anything the same happens again. What a kind couple! Thank you!

The apartment management took the blame and sent a handy man on the same day. And the next week my regular handyman came to check the whole piping to find and fix the error.

It was one bad day in my July but also the best – in the hot water flood I finally got to know my neighbour, a Malaysian young couple with one baby daughter. They said they love traveling to Indonesia and I said I go to Malaysia every month in normal situation. We agreed to check each other once in a while as good neighbours; I now knew that they also have missed to “have neighbours” like their original culture in Malaysia. Ya, it is slightly difficult to know our neighbours in this type structure of living spaces. The next door neighbour of mine only opened their door and stared at us with empty eyes seeing me panicky running to the lift to go to facility office; he didn’t even ask “What happened? What can I help?” Oh my goodness! How I miss a friendly neighbourhood. I’m sure I’ll have it, I’ll have it!

May all beings be happy.

No picture, no video was taken due to panic Attack. 😶

AirPods – tanka

I hope you’re AirPods,
Listening to my love songs
From far far away….
But you’re not AirPods. Your heart
Is frozen by arrogance.

Singapore – July 23, 2020 / 23:22

—-

When human technology is lame and degrading, they don’t believe anymore with the unseen signs that they can only feel through taste granted to Self…. Many human only believe in the limited five senses that won’t work just because of a wall standing tall. You know now, dear Love…. that you’re not better than my AirPods. I’m crying because of that fact but I don’t care anymore as long as my AirPods can help me listen to my own Love songs from my machine that stands tall in my living room while I’m cooking in the kitchen….

Thanks my AirPods and those who have worked together to deliver them to my silent heart….

May all beings be happy.

 

4F1FAE2E-9034-4B08-9153-25C652FC47B2

Hujan Bulan Juni – Sapardi Djoko Damono

Hujan Bulan Juni

tak ada yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan Juni
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu

tak ada yang lebih bijak
dari hujan bulan Juni
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

tak ada yang lebih arif
dari hujan bulan Juni
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu

—-

Most of his poems are romantic, in all walks of life. His words are not flowery but so touching with its simplicity, flowing like a story.

My maturity has grown and some shade of it has been by this poet’s lyrical poems.

Rest In Peace.

 

thumb_IMG_7403_1024

Aku Ingin – Sapardi Djoko Damono

Aku Ingin

Aku ingin mencintaimu
Dengan sederhana
Dengan kata yang tak sempat
Diucapkan kayu kepada api
Yang menjadikannya abu..

Aku ingin mencintaimu
Dengan sederhana
Dengan isyarat yang tak sempat
Disampaikan awan kepada hujan
Yang menjadikannya tiada

—-

Rest In Peace, Maestro 🙏🏼
You are a successful human being for your lyrical poems have humbly touched this person’s heart and taught her how to preserve love…

Sapardi Djoko Damono

Aku Lala Padamu – lyric with music

This lala in the “Aku Lala Padamu” was created earlier than the lala in Lalaland.

Lala in this song (2005) is a word that you can’t find in modern dictionary or thesaurus. The singer -Sujiwo Tejo- uses this new word to express his deep, unspeakable, unspoken, painful feeling because of missing the Beloved.

Well, this old puppeteer -Sujiwo Tejo- has composed a lot of unique art work that behaves like magic either to and in the heart. His music and lyric, paintings, poems, books and stage performances are loaded with love to a hidden Lover and longing for a meeting with the Beloved.

Many young people in Indonesia swarm around his Twitter and Instagram accounts to read through his tweets and posts, to assess his clear thinking and logic (he is a Mathematician), to intelligently ridicule him, to respond with naughty statements or just to cynically laugh at him.

He is well known as the Presiden Negeri Jancukers (President of the Jancukers Land). Jancukers are nick names given to his fans characterised as those who own the expression of honesty and/or frankness and/or wit and/or paradox. What a tribe of artist they are!

Life becomes more mysterious, at the same time more meaningful and beautiful in the hands of artists around you.

May all beings be happy.

Slowing Down Footsteps – ranting

Slowing down footsteps
Pace along an ancient route.
Trace back your soul path.

Now here

Thought sometimes gets puzzled why thing happens to the Self, while logically she has made best possible efforts to control it not to emerge into events. At times emotions pour like heavy rain or they numb all nerves.

Then the Self realises that all is about tracing back the soul path: paying one’s karma, optimising one’s dharma.

Dear, Self.
You’d better pass major lessons in the current life. You shouldn’t want to fail the same lessons: acting lame or repeatedly meeting lame spirits wrapped in different physical planes, or both at the same time.

Dear, Beloved.
If it is not done,
Don’t let me slip from Your hands.

May all beings be happy….

img_3633

You’re Different, My Love – haiku

You’re different, my Love.
Don’t turn your full life to none.
Keep your head. Alone….

Singapore – Jun. 26, 2020 / 22:31

I won’t let you change your life just to be with me. Fly, dear Self.
As you wish
‘Coz you’re the master of your own Life.

May all beings be happy.