Love Makes

Love makes heart full.
Love makes heart empty.
Love makes heart laugh.
Love makes heart cry.
Love makes heart closer.
Love makes heart distant.
Love makes heart trust.
Love makes heart distrust.
Love makes heart bloom.
Love makes heart wither.
Love makes heart healed.
Love makes heart broken.
Love makes heart warm.
Love makes heart cold.
Love makes heart enlightened.
Love makes heart blinded.
Love makes heart beautiful.
Love makes heart wicked.
Love makes heart bright.
Love makes heart weary.
Love makes heart sing.
Love makes heart scold.
Love makes heart write love poem.
Love makes heart compose hate speech.
Love makes heart recite ballads.
Love makes heart scream hoax.
Love makes heart look foolish.
Love makes heart look angry.
Love makes heart love more.
Love makes heart hate more.

Love makes heart swing like a pendulum between two ends.

You say love is
You say love is not
You ask what is love

Love makes space
To those willing
To feel,
To taste,
To experience
Millions of what’s-nots
To know
The what-is.

We decide
Which space
To be filled
With what.

This is about love—
An unlimited edition
But still
Difficult to grab.

missing home where love is as simple as opening the door ajar to let the breeze in – please bless me oh Allah…. this poor soul 💝 thanks for everything

Where’s Mr Sun?

Mr Sun’s hiding
Behind curtains of colours.
This brain cheats the eyes.

Ah! What is before these eyes isn’t always what is. It doesn’t matter; although it is not what is, it is still what is when it is clear what is not.

Bumpy road of saying no before finally saying yes is a long battle, a long journey to win the best throne of this heart. Know it and accept it.

Salaam. 💝

is it the ability to capture the horizon or the limitation of man-made lens that makes the shot scenery not as stunning as when viewed with these eyes? Or these very eyes get cheated?

I Slowly Spell Your Name

Though not a true ID,
Your name ships all senses to
An existence.

A name that I spell slowly,
A name representing silence and unattendance,
Almost ignorance.

Is
Your name
A password
To where a gap between real and unreal resides?

Is
Your name
A padlock
With which a visitor busily matches the key?

Is
Your name
Sugar leaf
With which a cup of tea gets sweetened with its dissolving?

Is
Your name
Coffee powder
Which settles at the bottom of a cup after its releasing caffein and acidity?

Is
Your name
A myth
That resembles history?

Tell me
The story of
Your name.

Your name
That
I slowly spell
Every time
A face flickers
Around this nerve system.

Indeed a name isn’t a true ID. The ID is more than just the given name.

Namamu Kueja Pelan-Pelan by Pusakata

One by One

Wishing, Beloved,
Upon a star where dreams sit
Waiting to be picked
One by one to the bucket
Before the steps reach the home—

Many dreams look so much near. Places to go on earth displayed in Pinterest lengthen the list and be a good escape for mind every weekend before dosing off. Can only wish that the lengthened list lengthens the life, pushing the EOL later and later— 🤗

Some dreams can’t even be described…. You are as near as far away…. 🙃

Happy weekend. Oops long weekend.

next year, next year…. please 🥰 want to stand under those trees and greet the women who carry loads on their heads! beautiful! 💝

Mirror

Mirror, Beloved.
Look back while looking forward!
Sigh. Blank. Mute. Smile. Shine.

Acceptance has gathered laughter, smile, speechlessness, emptiness, anger into a frame with a figure looking into a mirror at the same time seeing what is situated behind.

Beloved, the past is the past but it is what has molded a present person. It should be forgiven, it should not be forgotten.

Thank you, yesterday! Hello, today! Welcome, future!

mirror — rear-view, too

lovely reservoir — under the clean night sky, with the bestest friend of mine, my own self 💝

Beads of Pray

Counting beads of pray,
An echoed name flows away
Through silence of heart.

Have you ever prayed so silently? No one can hear. Only beads of pray click. A remembrance of love that is unseen. Beyond the ocean and beyond existence—

Literature is a limited tool to disclose ideas and emotions; not accurate enough to shoot one heart. Math is sharp to operate a complex equation; not sweet enough though to state naked truth.

With what then should I count this reality between two lovers? Beauty or precision?

Only beads of pray is whispered silently. Who knows the river will sail this soft voice along its flow introducing it to the estuary that escorts it to the ocean where winds push the current following the North Star to meet with you.

Salaam.

Sincerely,

from a tiny heart wrapped in a peaceful morning

Flowers Bouquet

Bouquet, Beloved,
A bunch of symbols arranged
Through fragrance and hues.

Amaryllis: strength and determination

Daffodil: honesty, truth and forgiveness

Eucalyptus: division of the underworld, earth and heaven (Aboriginal wisdom); inner and outer strength, leadership

Gladiolus: faithfulness and integrity

Lily of the valley: sincerity and joy

Sunflower: loyalty and unconditional love

Tendril: growth, softness, flexibility (Javanese wisdom)

Flowers Bouquet in water colour; 60%, waiting for the liquid frisket to block some colours before completion

Mother of Pearl

Deep dive, Beloved,
To where soft bodies guard light
Wisdom of the dark

Nowhere is better than within, where price tag is no longer a concern, where silence and acceptance is currency, where no one looks evil or harmless, where only gratitude and peace reside, where no colour distracts, where pain and joy are blended to ecstatic reality….

….where I finally get sleepy 😁

Salaam.

the no-longer-cost-fortune-yet-still-cost-a-wisdom gemstone called pearl is produced through 100’s of layers of mineral secreted by mollusk to cover around irritants that enter its shells – if a soft body of mollusk can do it, how can’t we human beings?

Reading

Reading, Beloved
Deciphering messages
Sent by soul that shines—

Sending my warm regards to all readers in the world. Hope we’re all blessed with wisdom and fun from reading and what is read.

Salaam…. 🙏🏼

‘ve always wanted to read this book but never happens; maybe my 5 people are not those in his book 😎 skipped (maybe forever)
this writer has fascinated me with his crazy ideas about children’s life; wish I could write that way 😍 paid!
sorry, Keanu; many not even in my kindness list 😘 you’re not my guide, just a man that has charmed me with your kindness & bearded face 😂 finished reading in the bookstore

Kinokuniya SG – calm Saturday afternoon after Japanese class with Honda Sensei

Welcome

Welcome, Beloved,
To where you belong. The home
That keeps missing you.

They are welcoming me home with love ♥️

the I-thought-you-would-have-died-when-I’m-home one 😘
hallo! 😘
the toughest of all! 😍
budding 🥰
😘😘😘
I thought it was a keiki! a bud! 😍

Love Is

Love is
Unseen rope
Invisibly tying
Sparkling souls.

Love is
Interconnected network
Constantly connecting
All computers.

Love is
Moving air
Secretly exchanged
Through breathing.

Love is
An attached context
Building meaning
In a statement.

Love is
A medium
Conveying messages
To a ready recipient.

And what is not
Is not.

Years of experience has brought me to an understanding that subtle sensitivity is one of the keys to understanding, genuineness, boundary and security.

Welcome to genuine hearts. Good bye to tricky engagements.

Today I’m in love again with those around me who never give up on my clumsiness and insensitivity and with myself who becomes more patient and acceptant.

Salaam. 💝

“3 sisters with love in heart” in progress – thanks for being older than me, you both are beautifully blessed ♥️♥️♥️

Without Love? (ranting)

Love at the first sight
To what’s captured by senses
And stays in the heart—

One beloved person called me asking why I didn’t attend a nephew’s wedding party yesterday. I said I couldn’t as I’ve been physically “beaten up” because of an accident recently. After what happened, sorry and better be careful, don’t go biking at night, wear the right shoes; she started ranting….

“What are you looking for in life? Look at your nephews and nieces getting married one by one. They wish their best wishes for you but you don’t seem to care. You’d better find one man and get married and they will attend your wedding party with all love and gifts.”

“Not my priority”, I said.

“What is your priority? Your work? Your dream? What?”

It is sometimes annoying to be a single woman in a society in which marriage is highly appreciated and considered as highway to happiness. I feel so lucky for living overseas away from those caring so much about me so I can enjoy my life the way I love to. Many of my single girl friends call me now and then telling me how tiring it is to answer the same questions again and again even when they don’t seem to have problems for not getting married. We are mentally and financially stable. 😁

“Ok, tell me I’ll find one. I know you won’t want one like your last. Tell me.”

“Sexually straight and not abusive in any way possible.”

“That’s easy! It is just you so difficult! Sometimes you just have to give up your priority or your love. I got married without love and it goes well. Many of us do and it goes well. Know that we worry about you.”

Alamak…. 

Weekend still goes well. And I’m happily looking forward to another week.

Life is a mystery, and so is love. I love my life and I don’t worry. 🥰

message for all whom I love

the right place possible – Jun. 19, 2022/17:12

Coffee

Coffee, Beloved,
Brings back the fragrance of breeze
From the green high land.

—-

I drink coffee but am not a big fan of it. Fragrance of raw coffee beans, coffee cherries, coffee leaves, coffee flowers, coffee trees are much more lovable to these nostrils. Last 2019 visit to my uncle and aunt’s home in Menoreh Hill has always been a fresh fragrant memory; it is because the coffee fragrance would welcome us in the morning when wind blowing down the hill through the window sills.

Along the path up the hill going to our grandparents’ graveyards these hands would playfully pull some coffee leaves or coffee cherries, squeeze them and breathe the aroma in. My cousins and nieces would do the same. We would throw them to the dogs jumping around as playful as the owners.

Miss that green high land, where my ancestors started their humble legends—

Wind, fly me. 🛫

Salaam.

coffee shrubs decorate back yard of many houses in the hill; that fragrance is the witness of how the people love the land 💝
another fragrance loved – pepper
wait!
hey! get up, let’s run!

Love Stories

Stories, Beloved,
Chronological events
With no emotion
She puts meanings and settings
To characters in action.

I like poems loaded with love even when it is not love stories according to my friends. To me all stories are potential love stories.

I couldn’t find my left green sock and a poem about losing a beloved one was born. My kitchen lamp was blinking before switched off for good, a poem about a lover moving on after struggling reaching out to the beloved. Yet real broken heart helped me develop poems about how a heart shape blinks from white to blue to red to black before fading away.

Everything is love story between a lover and beloved. Of left and right socks. Of dark and light. Of hope and fear. Of head and heart. Of missing you and hating you. Of everything and nothing. Of me and my beloved that constantly changeable among me, you and them.

Mystery? Cheesy? It doesn’t matter. It helps me relax yet focus. ♥️

Life is all romance through these eyes. Wish that they remain with romantic lenses until life shows its true romanticism at the end of the journey—

😚

oh oh oh love you love you love you….. who are you? someone, something or some money? 😑

00:00

Marriage

Married, Beloved,
To your shadow that follows
Wherever I go.

Divorced, Beloved,
From your doubt that hunts and haunts
Wherever I hide.

—-

One very long chat decorated a night. A childhood friend did sharing about what she had experienced when we were away for about 10 years, busy with our own life. This is her promise to tell the full story after giving hints and looking puzzled when meeting me.

She married thrice. First husband died of illness. Second abused and cheated her and so they divorced. Third one, this one has brought a lot of stories and enlightenment.

How she finally decided the third after the traumatic second has strengthened about my own lesson in life – acceptance. How she lets a seemingly perfect person be with her imperfect figure does add amazement about one of my loyalist. How she ignores words and stares from people disapproving her behaviours has told me she is still girl going foraging in the wild with me in our lively early age.

She hit me with some bitter comments about my complicated points. She ridiculed me for being so guarding and distant from risking broken heart to happen. She also highlighted how her love transforms to friendship that I would have not believed can happen to her – she is not a “friendship-friendly” type of person, she is a snapping turtle 😑

There are things she has regretted about all 3 decisions but the regret has brought her to a final realisation that her life has shaped her into a composed, mature woman strong yet flexible enough to be beautifully bent by the hardship of life. The pain pays off, she said. What a beautiful creature my dear friend is! 😘😘😘

This weekend has given me another package of lessons from our childhood. A blast from the past!

Weekend is still long. I’d better have more fun!

May all beings be happy! 🙏🏼

the commitment on paper needs realisation in 3 dimension reality with soul and trust – red torii in progress

Tonight Is A Good Night

Good night, Beloved,
They slow down even the trains.
But times, it moves right.

—-

One friend said “Some people show their sweet side when they need me, I just knew they laughed at me behind my back and said how stupid I’ve been for (she mentioned one big social contribution she made). Do you think I should stop being kind to people?”

Another friend said “No. why stop? There is karma so you’d better do good deed. Your good actions will be repaid with good reactions. Believe it.” This one is also very kind.

Another one said “This life doesn’t owe you anything. So how much ever you spend, it will not be paid back. You will not be repaid 10 points just because you donate 1 point. Look! How much have you lost, just like that? No one gives you 10 times the amount, right? What karma? Whose karma? You’d better do what’s the best for your benefits and without harming others.” She is the most critical.

The other friend said “it should be balanced. You do good things and don’t forget doing bad things.” 🤔 Gosh she is always the most confusing.

I said “I’m hungry. Let’s go dinner. Our brain needs to slow down.” Those three stopped arguing.

Night is always good for a chat with some friends whose heads contain different things whose heart is of one intension — to respect friendship.

Salaam. ♥️

two trains to/from opposite directions of the same line, Red Line

Tickling My Ego

Sometimes I’m somebody
At a conference room
Where win-win
Isn’t always a solution.
Powerful—
Decisive—

Sometimes I’m anybody
When long lost friends
Suddenly say hi and cry
“Would you please help? Would you help?”
Unconditional—
Used—

Sometimes I’m everybody
When I blindly devote myself,
When I wholeheartedly do everything needed,
When I run around everywhere to find you.
Preoccupied—
Stand-alone—

Sometimes I’m nobody
When I feel my heart beats,
My breath slows down with calmness,
When I know nobody is with me.
Blissful—
Submissive—

Thanks, my body.
You’re a complete gift to me.

I dedicate the above free verse to Emily Dickinson who has touched my life with many of her poems especially “I’m Nobody! Who are you?”

🐣

Salaam.

this poem was introduced by Ibu Siti Parwati Soemarto, our lecturer who always challenged her students to bravely see who we truly are – 28 years ago! damn I’m an old nobody! how bitterly fair life is! Terima kasih, Ibu Soemarto. 💝

What’s Behind Beauty

They live in the mud.
Flowers wanted. Story not,
Real beauty that’s missed—

Dark and bright, two limits that often corrupt my perception of facts and so affect many plans. In fact both bring different strengths supplementally support my life.

What is it about? Oh, it is just about that night ride is cool and serene, morning ride is colourful and fresh.

In the dark I hear more; when it’s bright., I see more.

Hey! Riding morning makes skin darker! Damn right! 😿

Salaam.

the blooming happiness along my normal route of fun this morning
they’re all resting buds last evening
mostly living in cluster, colourful
same colour cluster
two of them
living at the edge
solo
isolated duo
supporting system
hidden
some can see their reflection on the water, some not 💝

Sheltered

The dark shelters you
From the dark behind the light.
Blinking starry eyes—

—-

Vision sits silently through blinking light, on and off showing clarity of direction.

Thanks for everything.

Salaam. 🙏🏼

you see through the right eye – no, no, not always right

Go Jazz

Go jazz, Beloved
Improvise on your own path
Where hidden seeds grow.

—-

Jazz is like secret love, confusing and almost unknown at the first catch but wrapped in harmony through time… and space? Seems space never takes my side. 😎

Jazz each day up!

⭐️

Java Jazz is on – wish I were it 🎷🎺

to a secret love across the ocean ⭐️