Tag: heart

No Regret

Learning, Poetic
One by one they fall,
Petals decompose to soil,
Fertilising life—

—

when i see more fine lines under my eyes, i feel blessed that i am alive up to this age; i wish to live longer with the same amount of love or even more 💝 there is no regret for all are signs and turns to the home 💝

Mirror in Us

Learning, love, Poetic
It might not be clear
As the mirror is not clean.
Reflection of
You on me
Is as clear as the song sung by the breeze,
Whistling softly
On to these eardrums.

Swoosh!
You whisper,
I could hear,
We both share unvoiced laughter.
Is that our smiles
Or grins
That we both share from miles away?

You
Are playing so well,
I
Stay hugging this heart
That shrinks with 
Your coldness, 
That shines with
Your old shadow.

Dear, heart.
Stay flawless mirror.
With you I see 
Beloved.
Be it beast or beauty,
My love is worth reflecting clearly.

—

love reflects to a mirror called heart, the clarity depends on the clearness not the size 💕

A Loving Visit

Learning, life, love, Map It!, Poetic, This Person, Those People
A loving visit beyond time and space. Salaam. Universe answers.

—

about the museum
beloved
beloved
beloved
when you’re loved, people still visit you even when you’re nowhere 💝
when you’re loved, you’re taken care of even when you’re nowhere
beloved – visiting him with love, see you again
beloved – visiting him with love, see you again

Love Diaries in A Library

Learning, love, Poetic
This life is a library
Keeping all collections,
Reference to public,
Exclusive to a lover,
One lover.
The
Beloved—

Read,
Beloved
Any scrolls
In this library.

Read,
Lover
The diaries
In the secret dungeon.

Read,
Beloved
With naked eyes, or
With any glasses on the shelves.

Read,
Lover
Through letters and numbers,
Shapes and colours.

Read,
Beloved
This library is open
As long as you are awake.

Read,
Lover
Before you sleep
When I’ll be reading you through.

—

my earlier diaries are true stories through naked eyes; the later are colours, shapes, numbers, words in various styles and figures of speech needing some tricks and tips to sense layers of meanings and information — we are all writers, librarians and readers 💝

About the photo

Angels (sharing)

Learning, Poetic
The wings are flapping sprinkling blessings through the air. Breathe them. Be blissful.

—

In Arabic angel is called malaaikatun or malaaikah or simply malaaikat (الْمَلٰٓئِكَةِ) literally meaning “power that governs”. In Islamic tradition the “power that governs” are grouped based on what type of assigned power they govern that are many and one of them is “power to govern protection”.

I always believe I am fully protected through the existence of the angels surrounding me although I am not interested to discuss about their form; people say angels have wings, others say they are made from light, some say malaaikah are systemic laws to run the universe, and so on and so forth. It doesn’t matter to me. That they exist and follow the assigned “power to govern” is enough for me.

Only when we listen, we will hear. We will hear the songs of the angels, the songs of universe, the songs of the heart, the songs of the soul. I prefer my angels to sing jazzy songs in this end of long weekend. 😁

Listening to heart…. 💗

Salaam.

‘ve met feathers almost everywhere walking recently; i took it as a sign that protection is everywhere and decided to always wear this silver pendant this year as an appreciation of the protection — thank you for the protection

Be Light-Hearted, My Dear

Learning, Poetic

Heart should be as light as a swaying feather to enjoy life with only feel good no matter what.

In Javanese someone with heavy heart is called mbentoyong which literally means “bent and almost broken by the heavy loads”, it is associated with a tree whose branches are bent and almost broken because of heavy loads of ripened fruits”. This kind of person will not find happiness and joy in any point of one’s life; one will misunderstand alone with loneliness and so one will always find refuge among crowd; one is confused about one’s self; one will always refer to what others say about one as if their opinions are more important than one’s own. As long as one is not willing to unload the unnecessary burdens in heart, one will always be mbentoyong better and better and finally be a master of mbentoyong.

It is heavy. I know it is heavy. It is painful. I know it is painful. Be cured, dear heavy hearts whenever you feel heavy. Lightness of heart is a comfort even in discomfort. 🥰

I bless this heart which is light and swaying with the flow of clean river inside. Calm and witty and fun! Thank you for the feel good no matter what. Not easy but doable—

Salaam.

💗

“let’s go to Turkey, Rijk” my best friend texted me last week; “why not, Mbak” said i light-heartedly — it’s time for Konya 💗

Ouch Call! (ranting)

Learning, Poetic, Those People

A stroke of a brush is how universe started. A surprise that lasts—

—

Certain friend is good at the same time destroyer of mood. I have one who can leave me“ouch ouch ouch oooouuuuch” for at least one week. This person loves ouching friends as an ice breaker but to some of us he has made it to the next level. This time he ouched me romantically, the worst of all my ouch experience from him. Call one “ouch caller”.

OC: Ready for a forced holiday? Have fun! Don’t work every night, just every two nights.

Me: (1st ouch) Hmmm ok, Sir.

…. Blah blah blah

OC: How is your romance? Get rid of him. He doesn’t even care about you. Don’t be stupid. You are not a door mat.

Me: (2nd ouch)

OC: What type of man do you want? Am I not good enough?

Me: (3rd ouch, but I have to say something) Hey, hey! Not a good time to talk about romance. Painting here and don’t want to lose vibe in the head.

OC: Tell me then. Handsome? Healthy? Rich? Hard working? I… Am… Everything!

Me: (Laughing like crazy as this person was very right about himself) Are you a sales person of your own product?

OC: Yes! And I’ve been selling my quality to you for the past how long with no buy in. You’re getting older and older.

Me: (OUCH OUCH OUCH) Ok, ok. I have to explain. I want someone whom I can be comfortable being with even when both of us don’t like the same things. Can you, Mr Cruel Oucher?

OC: What! Of course not! When I go to party, you have to go to party with me. When I go to the gym, you have to go with me. When I cook, you have to cook all what I want. Blah blah blah…. You have to do what I like to do! If necessary you should give up what you like to like what I like.

Me: (Still couldn’t stop laughing) You are not. You are not that right person. You are just my ouch person.

OC: Is he still that person?

Me: Yes.

The next is the most ouched one but probably the most accurate to describe a fact.

OC: Then you have thin hope, thin chance. Not compatible. You don’t even know how to party. You don’t even know how to drink except that weak wine. You don’t even know how to flirt. He might not like reading. He might not like art and literature and walking. He might not like biking. He might hate you singing. He might hate you writing. He might hate you touching your hair again and again. You are not his physical type of beauty. He might hate you with your job. He might hate you being honest and independent. He just doesn’t like you as you. Oh! So relief I could say all these finally.

Me: (OUCH OUCH OUCH OOOOUUUUCH and this will last long) You’re right. Very right. Time to stop your ouches, Sir.

OC: Then you still say no to me?

Me: (Mild ouch but I got impatient) You? I can’t tolerate a die hard nerd like you. You cook better than women. You manage money too well; you are stingy! You love your nephews and nieces more than anyone else, you won’t care about me. You work too hard. You eat too much healthy food, I love deep fried. You ouch people too much. Listen. Don’t call me just to ouch me.

OC: Ok, ok. How are you?

Me: Fine.

OC: Broken heart still?

Me: (ouch) Not really, just a bruise and scratch. Will get over it soon.

OC: It will be gone. For you not too soon though because you are not intelligent in romance. Be patient with yourself. (He was calming and that is when everyone likes him, a calm nice guy — unfortunately came too late after too many ouches happened.) Describe how you think about that person and let’s start the real conversation of today.

Me: My universe

OC: I want to throw up! You imagine him as a Chris Martin? Hahaha!

Me: Never heard of him singing hahaha!

Then we started to chat without ouches for almost two hours — a very nice two hours. A good friend to me is that who ouches me but still makes me comfortable with her/his genuineness.

Thank you! 🤝

Chris Martin is My Universe 😁

Disclaimer: blogged with this ouch caller’s consent with one condition “no exaggeration” which is not accepted like he never said “I want to throw up” and never said that he is handsome and rich although he is rich but not handsome 😊

Friends & Love Stories (ranting)

Learning, Poetic, Those People
See this pendulum
Swinging between two far poles
Knowing each other—

—

Someone called me and asked if we could have a dinner. We hadn’t met for many years. Knowing this person was in Singapore, I excitedly agreed to meet. Meeting this person, I was given a shock. This person looked weary and older than one’s age. The excellent appearance and posture was totally gone. That time I felt so blessed for for being me.

Me: I am not a marriage advisor, dear. Not even ever married yet! (That’s after a very long ranting from the friend stopped).

SO: But I know you are the most suitable one I can talk to.

Me: Oh…. (damn wrong, whispered to myself)

SO: …. A broken marriage… !@#$%^&*()_+=-::’<>,./?~~~~~~~~~~ What should I do?

Me: Oh…. (proven wrong talking to me, whispered to myself)

SO: …. Divorce is painful…. !@#$%^&*()_+=-::’<>,./?~~~~~~~~~~ What should I do?

Me: Oh…. Ummm (starting to show sympathy) I understand how you feel in this situation. Must be painful. Your own stress, the other one’s stress, your children, other people’s impression and words about you, your work….. Everything seems not at your side. I can understand you feel unwanted, useless, bad, irresponsible. Yet decision was made. You just should face it. How? Not sure if my word is reasonable and responsible but I think you just need to keep being you: working as before, doing activities that are still accessible, talking to your children like before, talking to your ex about the children….

SO: You don’t know! It is not that easy!

Me: Oh…. I am so sorry. I might not fully understand it is not that easy. I am so sorry for my ignorance. (told ya I am not the right person, whispered to myself)

SO: How would you survive alone all this time? You seem so happy with your life. Sometimes I regret for getting married too young. Look at you and X and Y and Z. All the singles are happy.

Me: (Oh! A sudden death! I know this would come but too soon, too soon. Let me find the right words. Whispered again to myself ) Ummm…. I think it is not that easy too…. Ummm…. I am happy, yes. Not always, but most of the time I am. Yet I also probably started hard.

SO: You don’t seem ever in hard time.

Me: That’s what you see. !@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@&%%%%%%%%%%%%%.

this is there, whoever the person is

SO: So do you think I can survive?

Me: Of course. Although our problem is not the same, I am sure you can. Don’t underestimate your ability to cope with the hardship of life. You are stronger than you think. You just don’t know it yet.

forgive yourself, don’t be too harsh to self (talk to the hand, Ma’am) 😝

SO: You really don’t want to get married?

Me: (This question I never like, never like, never like; whispered to myself, but need to find the best words that won’t cause any further question.) This is out of context; you should not ask me this question. Not that I don’t want. It’s just about time.

SO: Do you fall in love?

Me: Ok, now you are asking me question about me.

SO: I feel good when knowing I am not alone.

Me: (Make sense, but why me oh my God!) Ok. Ok. I can make you feel better. Yes I fall in love and break my heart. And I don’t want to break my heart again.

SO: So you don’t want to fall in love again?

Me: Of course not like that. I fall in love again and again.

SO: With whom?

Me: With my eyes. With my lips. With my hair. With my morning. With my job. With my…. (I saw the person got annoyed but I continued with more things) Hahaha….

fall in love, be in love, don’t be ashamed of your feeling; it is a blessing although the beloved doesn’t care —not good enough one— or doesn’t know —tell or leave as simple as that 🙃

SO: Is it that easy?

Me: Nothing is easy automatically. It takes practice and time.

SO: What if I don’t get married again in the future?

Me: That’s too far away. Think about what you can do today.

SO: Do you think I still have a chance to get married?

Me: Of course if you want! Just find the right person.

SO: How can I find it? How?

Me: (Oh my God, help me before I can help others. Whispered to myself while finding the best words for this troubled person; even an intelligent person can be as dumb as this in one’s bad time) Hey, hey! If I know how to get the right person, I would have been married much earlier. This question is irrelevant.

SO: Hahaha……! Sorry, sorry! Hahaha……..!

Me: (Ok, at least I made you happy, whispered to myself. Mostly smiling among listening to the ranting, I enjoyed a perfect night — no rain, enough breeze…. Hours can feel like minutes…. On and on and on and on until midnight. Whispered to myself.) Cinderella has to go home, my friend. Or else, she will be back to be Cendrillon.

been there done that and not anymore

SO: I feel so much better. It feels like I find myself again. Maybe I was too preoccupied with not important things that I thought I lost the person I had known so long, myself.

Me: I might be like that in the same situation, maybe worse.

SO: Thank you very much.

Me: (I didn’t do anything. Just sat down and listened and responded to you. Whispered to myself for how many times heaven knows) The least I can do. It is good to meet long lost friend. Welcome back.

there is always reason to be happy; make it! it takes time but your happiness is the ultimate goal of your life; self align!

Dear friend, I know you’ll read this with a smile. Get better. See you some day. When meeting me again, make sure you look nicer.

Lesson learnt: Be patient with those facing fresh-from-the-oven problem. Don’t judge. Be a good listener. Don’t try to be a perfect advisor because you are not. Be yourself. Don’t get offended, someone in trouble may unintentionally disturb you.

Love Songs

Learning, love, Poetic
She hums rhythms that no one can enjoy
But those hearing the thin breeze
In the falling dusk.

She recites rhymes that no one can feel
But those touching beads of dew
In the brightening dawn.

Not sending wishes anymore
As whispering is louder in her own ears.
Intention might be misunderstood.

Not delivering messages anymore to you
As journaling is clearer to her own mind.
Linguistic might be multi-interpreted.

She sings love songs sweetly
To re-orchestrate in many genres with the paradise green birds
She keeps safe gently in heart.

She rewinds her heart slowly
To become millions of forever notes turning into eternal air 
She meditates sacredly in silence.

How beautiful love is with love songs
Unheard!

—

this heart is loaded with notes of love songs that can be played only by those in love with each and every second ticking on the clock ⏳

Smile

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person
Smile, Beloved, smile.
It’s a luxurious gift
For you and for me.

—

I was checking my educational docs and was in awe to see my photos in each of different docs. How I am touched by physical transformation and what experiences attached to it, that makes me stay loyal with my own self whatsoever.

Tell yourself that your life is a journey that if you need buddy, you should pick those willing to share wonder. Otherwise, travel alone. 💝

Thank you!

💝

sleepy, angry, yet stop telling me to take a nap! 😂😂😂
classroom, my party time; playground, my party time, my childhood was everyday party! 👯‍♀️
no smile, no mercy 😃
length of hair defines how I treat the world; i love my pretty silly me! 😃

Love & Luck

Learning, love, Poetic
My love is mostly dumb, stubborn, too thin to see, and makes you hate me.

My luck is often loud, sudden, too huge to miss, and makes me love you.

I’m not a gambler, yet think you’re a dice rolling numbers for a prize.

—

my love and luck grows for and bows to you

Love Is

Learning, love, Poetic
Two love birds singing
In a cage full of good food.
A choice to a love—

—

Love is…. ?

Love is…. ?

Love is…. ?

Damn! I can’t define it except that it is sometimes misunderstood with lust.

That it is often symbolised with a heart shape. Maybe most human beings believe love comes from the heart. Hey! Is that really the shape of a heart? Or just how we agree that it is a shape of the heart?

That it is discussed everywhere but also wasted everywhere.

What I believe love is a verb not a noun so without action, it is muted sooner or later. At the same time love is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed so it is there and will be there, yet it can transform and/or transfer between subjects. Compatibility (chemistry), heat (intensity), motion (intension), what else can change the form of love? (oops forgetting all the physics learnt when younger)…. Anyway, it transforms and transfers (circulates can be another word) between (or among if circulated) human beings. So, accept it.

I believe love is about interest that human being cannot select voluntarily. It is a blessing at the same time a curse. it can be love between two love birds inseparable, or Tom and Jerry entertainingly cruel for either of two, or as cold as Antarctica.

I believe love is the core power generator of life that if removed, life will disappear. Never give up love. Broken heart is just a milestone that brings a human being to deeper and deeper understanding about him/herself. Broken because of a crush? Broken because of family? Broken because of friendship? Broken because of work? Broken because of world reality? A human being can always fix it gradually with anger, disappointment then acceptance. Just don’t be broken because of yourself – you are the most precious for yourself.

I believe that the way someone loves evolves through time, and it will suit the person’s intention never not. There should not be regret of what has happened because of love. Yet it is a regret that some people still choose to constantly send covert or overt humiliation and torture to hurt intentionally and/or to disrespect further to those they don’t love, while the best way should be forgiving or clearly declaring clear disagreement. War is one of them. Yet liked or not, that is the evolution of loving.

This weekend comes with a basket full of lessons learnt, a heap of ideas to pour as blessings in writings that I can re-read someday in the future.

Thank you, Love. You are never wasted.

Alfatihah to all whom I love.

a love locket with a pair of love birds seen in Bangkok airport – I could not resist its charm! now it is a daily friend to my T key love pendant

Manusia

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person
Manusia mengembarai langit
Manusia menyusuri cakrawala
Tidak untuk menguasainya
Melainkan untuk menguji dirinya
Apakah dia bertahan menjadi manusia,
Tidak untuk hebat kuasa atau perkasa
Melainkan untuk setia sebagai manusia.

(Emha Ainun Nadjib)

—

Good morning, Surabaya. You did a lot of moulding to this human being. Thank you!!! 💝

thank you 💝 for making me a human being; I won’t give up moulding this self to be loyal to being humane

A Path

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person, Those People
A path to a place
Is walked through trees and uphills.
A meadow is waiting
Opening another path
To a warm home filled with love.

—

My friend sent me three photos of our beloved “simbah” (those senior people who are considered wise or those who have grandchildren) – Javanese). Most people call these simbah “batik maker” because they make batik to earn a living. We both call them “batik artist”. More than that through what we’ve seen and heard about them, we’ve considered they are artists of their life. How they embrace their humble life gracefully and consciously has always amazed both of us. They live like calm river flowing to the sea. They don’t struggle against what others think about or do to them. They live as if there is no hindrance and disturbance in life.

When my friend told me some things about those three honourable ladies, I secretly harvested some lessons. It is very critical reminder for me who is still very much attached to a feeling of (accidentally) underestimated and (slightly) humiliated because of one petty case. These three artists of life have silently told me to let go.

What a loud shot in a quiet weekend!

No apology is needed. All is gradually let go through my own wish and willingness. This is my life and I only want to be the artist of my own life. 💝

Thank you, artists of life. You’re blessed. 💝

Salaam.

Mbah Suhir, 93 years old 💝 matur sembah nuwun
Mbah Erah, 87 years old 💝 matur sembah nuwun
Mbah Isah, 82 years old 💝 matur sembah nuwun