Winning (ranting)

You’re winning my heart
When my goal’s the same as yours.
After days of loss—

FIFA 2022 has brought controversial practices and surprises from the beginning. I don’t have further comments on those political, yet I am so happy with Saudi Arabia and Japan winning against Argentina and Germany. What a victory!

I wish they win again and again and those big names lose more to balance the celebration. It is just a game yet sometimes a game should be won by those who have been underdog. I am not discriminative. 😁

Twitter too has been so much more crowded with the euphoric tweets about FIFA 2022. Exciting, hilarious, entertaining, some envious, abusive, violent though. Yet how much ever I want to click a like to soooo many “sweet” tweets, I remember my promise of not doing so for some time now. Playing in Twitter is a bit scary, buzzers and scammers are freely working, sending me irresponsible messages; better play safe and observe only. Or probably just my algorithm— 🙂

FIFA! It’s been annual celebration for football lovers, refresher for bored routine dwellers. We, —our father, siblings, cousins and I— would watch the games through national TV station together even over midnight to indirectly cheer our favourite teams. In Indonesia “nobar = nonton bareng” aka watching together (at home, community centers, cafes) is very common to enjoy sports games, badminton and football in particular — many people will do wide screen with noises and costumes of real supporters as if watching onsite. Our favourite teams were Netherlands, Brazil and England so we would be the noisiest when watching them. Not Indonesia? Of course, not! We love our national team but they are not yet ready to go beyond the country borders especially with the current funny management. Someday, someday! 😍

In Malaysia now, yet none of the people met was eager to talk about FIFA so we just talked about annual holiday at lunch break while enjoying Kapitan’s biryani and tandoori chicken. Unfortunately…. Or fortunately so I fully focus on work 🤓

‘ll be in Japan next week and love to see how euphoric Japanese are about this victory. Hopefully they will show more relaxed look and behaviour this time with the excitement. So excited! 🤩

Salaam.

so happy to see the winner happy esp after playing against a big name
so happy to see the winner happy esp after playing against a big name
wave your flag, human! it’s not only religious but also joyous! 😍 like those Arabs in FIFA time 😘
clean your waste, human! it’s not only joyous but also religious! 😍 like those Japanese in FIFA time 😘

Stories to Revisit (ranting)

Steps measure long roads
Where historians write stories
Tracking their own mind.

History isn’t about what’s written only but it is also about what’s tied to myths and folklores. Reading history books by ignoring what’s verbally circulated by people through myths and folklores is like describing a rose through picture: failing to experience the touch and the fragrance. People are always the actual sources of history— without them history doesn’t exist.

History versions are as many as heads on earth as all people have their own life history related to certain incidents in the world; not all of them though write. Many save their history in head and heart with different reasons— no time, no tools, no courage! My blog is my history book (that to some brilliant people looks like full of unnecessary complaints and cheap experiences). I love my history book how much ever people laugh at it. Hey! When people laugh at it, it means my comedy works. 😁

Salaam.

see you, Cordoba! this place is one of those I must revisit because of the history 💕💕
see you, Sagrada Familia — I stayed for one hour outside, not being able to enter the so much crowded gate, I will be back to see if the history goes on 😍
see you, Grand Mosque of Paris – I will be back to its historical garden 💝
London? I’ll be back! history is well preserved there
see you? umm maybe not….

Impressed (ranting)

Life is so rich that very very few of disappointments to those sitting on top of the political “food chains” are left un-healed. There are always rising young nationalist scholars in non political fields that give us the people hope at least to this nation to just stand up dignified not enslaved by foreign monsters anymore.

I wish to live long enough to see those young scholars successfully materialise their dreams at the same time continue their journey as Indonesians no matter how much others pull them out from this mother land. God bless you, dear young scholars! Know your root. Love your tree. Bloom flowers. Yield good fruits in your strong boughs! You’ve impressed us with your intelligence. Impress us with your loyalty to the nation.

Right or wrong my country? Hmmm…. There will be time for that! For now, pretty or ugly my country. 🙃

New week is gonna be more energized!

Salaam.

thank you, Driando! I will love tempe(h) more and more!
hey! tempe is good but burnt tempe is ummm 🙃

You Be Jack (ranting)

You be, Beloved,
Truly. You know not, I do.
One moment owns you.

A teacher said, “What’s the most important thing in your car?”

No one said anything but everyone had one’s answer popping around one’s head.

The teacher continued “How do you think about jack?”

Everyone laughed. One of them said, “Almost not functional.”

The teacher giggled and said, “Yes! Jack will work only in unexpected situation almost accidentally, might be never if there is no emergency. How do you feel if your existence in society is like a jack? And what will you do?”

No one said anything. Most of them felt denial, not wanting to be jack in a car.

The teacher smiled and said, “You know a jack is a jack because it is a jack. What a jack needs to do is being a good jack. A good jack is a jack that can function well. Function well when needed! Anytime needed! What if a jack feels desperate of being a jack just because the jack is never used? The jack will give up functioning. The jack may let itself corroded, lose its credibility and accountability. One day the car needs a new tire in the middle of nowhere, jack doesn’t function, it doesn’t do its job, it lets the car stranded nowhere until another car with a functional jack comes by….”

No voice….

The teacher said, “So whatever your function now in society, function well, perform your best, as that is some part of the true you. Everyone has one’s own moment. If you think you’ve been a jack in a car, don’t stop functioning because someday you might be needed and you alone are needed and that’s when you become a super hero. Or if you ever be a jack that is never used, at least someday the owner will say ‘I never use this jack but it is a super jack, I’m sure it functions well anytime I need it’. Ok, Jack?”

Everyone laughed, feeling relieved of having been a jack in different moment.

One student said, “What about if no one knows I’m a good jack because I never meet a moment?”

The teacher smiled and said, “So what? That no one knows we are good at something doesn’t mean we are not good. Why is jack mostly painted red?”

“To be easily found!”

“Yessssss!” Shouted the teacher. “Might not be the best answer but it can be one best answer to answer your friend’s question. Where is red? You still call it red without knowing why it is called red. You still call it red although you don’t realise the existence of red except painted on a jack in this context. You said jack is red so it can be easily found. No one knows what is actually red but all of you know that red is good in jack that functions only in emergency so when needed it is easily found….. That is red— a quality in you that is taken for granted because people think a jack is mostly painted red; only when people think deeply then the quality is a good quality! Don’t cover your red jack with other thing, it won’t be easily found anymore.”

“Like him!” A student pointed his finger to a friend in a red shirt sleeping in the classroom.

The teacher said, “Don’t wake him up. He is a jack in a good ride.”

Everyone laughed. The boy in the red shirt woke up and joined the cheer with his loudest laugher.

“He is a jack functioning well!“ said the teacher.

How beautiful the life of a jack is! 😁

(based on a conversation with a jack of all trades and other jacks who are waiting for the moment to appear)

Clear Sky (ranting)

Clear sky, Beloved,
Calm blue where clouds swim, birds fly
Under the warm sun—

Javanese live their life with meaning and that makes them “effortlessly” survive even in the hardest time. They pin meaning to everything they experience. I believe Javanese are naturally philosophers whose communal humble life is richly loaded with wisdom; unfortunately fading away by the time.

Meanings easily recognised by most Javanese are those pinned to batik method and patterns. Historically batik patterns were works of art composed by either scholars from padepokan (ashram in Sanskrit) or the royals (king, queen, prince, princess or royal artists). In fact, there were few batik patterns created by commoners such as batik nitik and batik kawungKawung is one of the oldest original patterns of Javanese batik which has existed since 12th century. Nitik was born younger, approximately in 19th century.

Fun fact about Javanese king: aside from courses of political knowledge, leadership, palace management etc, long time before his coronation a Javanese crown prince must completely compose 3 works of art and publicly present them to the board of senior royals then announced the art pieces to people in the kingdom. Those three are batik pattern whose batik is handmade by him, tembang/kidung (sacred Javanese song) sung by him; and bedhaya dance trained to the dancers by him (a solemn Javanese dance performed by a group of dancers).

While batik nitik was initially created as secret codes by commoners to circulate among them classified information kept hidden from unjust aristocrats at that time or from the enemies (some historians said though this pattern was composed by the royals); kawung was allegedly created by a mother to dress her son who was instructed by the king to join his exclusive team due to his outstanding skill of espionage and balanced state of mind (again the historians said this pattern was composed by the royals). The said mother made a sheet of kawung pattern for him before he left as a prayer that her son could keep his current quality even after he later lived among (socially, politically, professionally) higher rank people.

kawung aka kolang-kaling, two seeds, four half-chambers (from Pinterest)

Kawung is the Javanese word of sugar palm (kolang-kaling). The symmetrical four half chambers in a fruit are used to symbolise balanced state among physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual. The clear colour of the seed is borrowed to symbolise clarity: of conscious mind, of conscious decisions, of intension, of purpose and of actions.

People also relate the word kawung to suwung that can mean emptiness: in this matter suwung is more about self alignment, absence of sense-driven wanting. A person in this suwung state in positive interpretation means someone who is already free from his/her craving for worldly interests, s/he is able to calmly and consciously prioritise among physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual proportions with no doubt or confusion. S/he is in high level of awareness of a “perfect” human being.

In Java region that kind of person is not necessarily a saint or a priest or a bikhu(ni) or a nun; s/he might be a farmer, a batik maker, a herbal seller, a taxi driver, an employee, a housewife, a leader etc, just whoever is willing to self align through what they do everyday regardless their professions. Not a few of them were “bad” people hearing the inner calling, deciding to quit their wrong doings and living “new” life.

At younger age, I met more of that type around us in my hometown. Now fewer and fewer people are interested to achieve that level because life pace is now becoming faster with the “tsunami of information” and life needs are “forcing” people to be constantly in alert mode with the high competition to “survive certain life style”. 

Not much I can do this time. I try to breath more slowly, pay attention on shift of emotions through body reaction (my body will never betray me) then acknowledge the emotion whatever it is. Time flies like a wind sometimes like a storm, I choose to ride it, not to get dragged by it. Not easy but doable.

How light this head is after ranting! 

batik kawung beton crafted by Mbak Arifah (25 yo), a mute-deaf female who never goes to school but is able to write and read – thank you, Mbak Arifah
primissima cotton, 250*106cm, two sided
Fun fact about the honourable batik makers:
- Once a batik maker pulls the “canting” filled with hot wax on a sheet of fabric, it will start developing lines or dots as the hot wax gets dry fast and block the fabric. That is why they work very carefully to avoid unplanned error. Correcting unplanned error is more tedious in batik making process compared to drawing the patterns with canting. Zero accident policy applies.
- Batik making is a highly contemplative activity (almost) like meditation. That is what makes many of batik makers especially those senior and/or with high quality artisanal works have good self alignment.
- Some batik makers don’t need to draw the planned pattern with pencil on the fabric. They are the highly skilled, the artist, the master of what they are doing.
- It takes approximately 5 months to complete a piece of two sided hand-made batik of 210-250cm long. Those batik makers also do household chores in between their batik making activities as they mostly don’t earn good money. If you buy hand made batik, please give extra dollars to share some comfort.
- Majority of batik makers are female. Very few of them are young.
at workshop (from Pinterest)
at home (from Pinterest)

Dream Home (ranting)

Dream home, Beloved,
A place where nature meets hearts;
Hearts warmly greet souls—

The conversation with a long lost friend came to a topic of “where we want to live if ending living alone?”

Living in Singapore was never part of my dream. A visit in 2010 gave me impression that I would die of hunger in a week with Indonesia salary. 😁

Now this city is a lovely second home; my impression has changed. I won’t die because of hunger but I will die because of loneliness if I stay single retiring here. I still can’t find enough friends like those in home country. There are three but all of them will retire in Bali and New Zealand sooner than me.

Residing in a landed property where gardening and backyard dining is affordable is a preference, yet I don’t have the luxury of living in such place here. And I don’t want to die alone in a locked condo found rotten after days or even weeks. Oh God, please protect me from such horrible thing. Amen….

F: I’ve always wanted to live in Ubud and it will happen very soon. I’ll open a spa with all traditional herbal from all over Indonesia. I’ll quit my job soon. I want to live my own life as me, no one can tell me to do this and that anymore! No bloody politics anymore! Visit me often! You’ll find my spa super special! I’ll give you discount! Be a regular customer! Hey! You once wanted to live in Thailand?

Me: Someone informed me about a good property in low price near my favourite hotel in Ayutthaya. Yet Thai have controversial life style I’m not comfortable with in a way. I’m too simple, sometimes too honest and can be against those status-oriented that I might not be able to adapt well. Not a true dream! Hey! Actually love to live in Kyoto!

F: You’ll die in three months after you complete second round of shrine, temple and ancient house hopping! 😂

Me: Dying of walking! 😂

What a refreshing conversation! And yes, I’ll visit her spa soon! 😍

Lesson learnt: Will only live with those I love and loving me where home is a real feel. No excuse.

Salaam…. 💝

gebyok – the Javanese teak wood door symbolizing the host’s living in welfare, peace and harmony with nature 💝
angkul-angkul – the Balinese gate symbolizing warmth welcome to guests and privacy of the host at the same time 💝

Lost & Found (ranting)

I’m lost, Beloved.
This market keeps me busy.
What time is it now?

One friend said to me that I might be lost. What she meant by lost is I’m not as good as she is at interpreting ultimate truth and looking less than I was before.

If that’s the definition of lost then I’ve been lost since decades. I’ve never been truly right — or found? 😁

There are patches of time in life when my honesty is tested within. Am I loyal to myself? Am I caring about my own wellbeing? Am I aware of to where I’m heading? Am I aware of what I’m doing? Am I aware of the configuration of individuals around me? And am I aware of what’s beyond all these (divine entity, higher power, gods, God, universe, life, whatever you call it)?

(from Pinterest) 😄

Each of those questions should be answered at least “more than half yes” —let’s put 80%— because “full yes” is impossible except for those with high intelligence (not about IQ, intelligence is the naturally-attached awareness of being a well-developed human being). And when my yes is below 80% that is when confusion will lead to another confusion to another confusion until there is one question answered at least more than half.

If loyalty to my self is only 40%, I will have to shop for 40-60% outside in order to achieve 80-100%. I will crave for validation from others offline and online. Lack of self trust and honest self reflection is my personal indicator. Virtually number of likes, followers, subscribers, comments in popularity-based social media have become both blessings and curse with which external validation is quantified and a group of people are willing to do anything literally anything to be popular. FYI, there will be an alternative social media highlighting both merit and popularity, symbolic.id hopefully can balance popularity with utilitarianism.

If I care less about my well-being, others will have to take care of me. If no one takes care of me, I can feel sick, messy, frustrated, helpless, lonely. There was a period of 10 years of abundance that I didn’t take care of myself and that was enough!

If I am not aware of to where I’m heading, I will just follow wherever my peer head to. Good peer improves integrity. What about if I’m not aware of what kind of peer I’m associated to. With bad companions, I might excessively drink, abusively drug, irresponsibly sex around can be up to extreme of commit crimes.

If I’m not aware of what I’m doing, I might hurt myself or even at the same time hurt others. Hurting is undoubtedly. Hurting doesn’t always come through bad intension, it can come through priority. So when I’m aware of a priority and I unintentionally hurt others, it is almost forgivable. It is truly forgivable when I’m doing it right or possibly with a style.

If I’m aware of the configuration of individuals around me, it will be more convenient to map out how I do what I want to do to, for and with whom. Priority, target and impact become triangulation to be balanced of. Human interaction is important, yet I don’t want to give up my dignity just to get along with random people only for fame or temporary pleasure. I’m not that young anymore, I don’t mind being fun but responsibly and crazy but gracefully. 💃🏽

And if I’m aware of what’s beyond all these, I would not fall too low because of despair or fly too high because of pride. There is always a perceived limit as consequence of awareness about this ultimate power; playing water gets wet, playing fire get burnt, my freedom is limited by other individuals’ boundary that I have to respect. This is where many people think I’m totally lost when I’m lost; they think I lose control and/or give up humbleness. Nope! In fact I’m always aware that there is a limit that I can’t even accurately prescribe and perceive in life. I can only plan, not decide the outcome. In this section I have 100% yes, just sometimes feel jealous why this power never gives me full control.

So am I lost? Let people think the way they do. I just have to be alert when ALL or MOST of those questions have lower yes answer because that’s when I’m not sufficiently developed as a human being, I’m not enough self-well-defined.

When “lost” or more suitably “wandering”, I’ll spend some time to sit down in the middle of crowded mind doing nothing saying nothing just observing what all those birds and monkeys are doing; while breathing counting the time….

I love being me with dreams and wishes that might not all come true because of limit that can suddenly emerge. Yeah! You higher power that always meddles in my affairs. ☺️ Please always side with me. 💝

Ahhhh what is this? A long ranting after getting teased of “lost to be found”.

The Death of Traditional Bookstore (ranting)

In my teenage years there was one favourite bookstore in town, Nusa Indah (literally means beautiful island). There was no good library back then — school library collection was mostly classical Indonesian literature that I finished reading (not all but most) and scientific journals that bored me easily. And so Agatha Christie, Enyd Blyton, Karl May, and more local and international writers’ books displayed in Nusa Indah lured me instantly. Indonesian Nina comic books and books with weird titles would also do me some intrigue.

Until uni years that bookstore was still a place to hang out every time I visited my parents. Yet I was slightly disappointed when finding Nusa Indah name didn’t even exist in my last visit this year. It was nowhere to find. A big electronic store is now situated where my favourite bookstore was in. When I asked my cousins about its whereabouts, they said it was gradually scaled down and closed several years ago.

There is no more representative bookstore in town. Maybe because the city libraries have better collection? Or, people prefer reading e-books? Heaven knows.

Is it possible that people don’t like reading as they did before? Nowadays information is coming like heavy rain and they don’t have to spend time to hunt readings anymore; people just need to search in the Net and boom! all needed info is abundantly provided. When I was young, information was expensive, luxurious, curated through written media and hard to find like water in a deep well — we had to read as much and keen as we could in order to be informative.

Maybe it is time for traditional bookstore to die. My friends said bookstores in their cities are vanishing too. One good bookstore in Jakarta called QB was closed in 2006. Kinokuniya Jakarta was closed in 2021. Gramedia sells more stationery and school bags than books.

Time flies. Oldies dies. Let’s fly with time without losing wisdom and sanity by reading life. Yet stay young in heart! 💝

a very good book to read, oops to listen to 👍🏽

Without Love? (ranting)

Love at the first sight
To what’s captured by senses
And stays in the heart—

One beloved person called me asking why I didn’t attend a nephew’s wedding party yesterday. I said I couldn’t as I’ve been physically “beaten up” because of an accident recently. After what happened, sorry and better be careful, don’t go biking at night, wear the right shoes; she started ranting….

“What are you looking for in life? Look at your nephews and nieces getting married one by one. They wish their best wishes for you but you don’t seem to care. You’d better find one man and get married and they will attend your wedding party with all love and gifts.”

“Not my priority”, I said.

“What is your priority? Your work? Your dream? What?”

It is sometimes annoying to be a single woman in a society in which marriage is highly appreciated and considered as highway to happiness. I feel so lucky for living overseas away from those caring so much about me so I can enjoy my life the way I love to. Many of my single girl friends call me now and then telling me how tiring it is to answer the same questions again and again even when they don’t seem to have problems for not getting married. We are mentally and financially stable. 😁

“Ok, tell me I’ll find one. I know you won’t want one like your last. Tell me.”

“Sexually straight and not abusive in any way possible.”

“That’s easy! It is just you so difficult! Sometimes you just have to give up your priority or your love. I got married without love and it goes well. Many of us do and it goes well. Know that we worry about you.”

Alamak…. 

Weekend still goes well. And I’m happily looking forward to another week.

Life is a mystery, and so is love. I love my life and I don’t worry. 🥰

message for all whom I love

the right place possible – Jun. 19, 2022/17:12

Woman – ranting

Woman is human being
With exactly the same rights as man to be human being.
All her decisions should be respected like man’s decisions should be respected, too.
It is not a privilege to be a woman like it is not a privilege to be a man, too.
It is a privilege to be a woman like it is a privilege to be a man, too.

In some culture woman is discriminated based on different things, but overall the discrimination is simply because she is a woman.
Don’t worry, culture sustains when human being preserves it. So let’s change the discrimination culture by promoting a non-discriminative mindset.

In some culture though woman overdoes her fight of emancipation that makes herself suffer with no gain.

There should be no fighting between man and woman because the existence of both doesn’t generate competition. It is a complimentary and supplementary relationship for one another in different levels or fields of roles and responsibilities that are agreed without discrimination, harassment or abuse just because of being a woman or a man.

Ah! It is good for her to be a woman. And I know it is good for him to be a man.

Stop ranting! Go rest. 😀
thanks for saving me, Beloved❣️
we can adopt a cat, a dog or an underprivileged child! 😁
not less woman by being not a wife or a mother with a child
I never be in this type of changing room but yes, I get it
exotic and uniquely built
oh, I’m not either of them but yes it’s my body and I love it so I take care of it
commitment and integrity
to those underestimating me, thanks for staying away 🥰
not only happy, be joyful❣️

Happy International Women’s Day (ranting)

Honestly I prefer to name it by either feminine or masculine rather than women and men. It’s not about what’s attached between your crotch that matters by being a human, it’s about the quality attached to your spirit and contribution made to society.

So, even if someone is born a woman, she won’t be able to appreciate other women as long as she only sees the other women’s physical body measurement as the indicators. And by doing so, she does discriminate other women in the essence for having non-essential indicators to appreciate them.

Whereas, at the same time I see many men around me respect and appreciate women simply because they know those women have the same opportunity to contribute for a better life. Or else, they discriminate based on sex or even any other thing attached to the women.

Ok, let’s agree though to call today as International Women’s Day and make the spirit of anti-discrimination based on anything possible be rekindled.

Happy International Women’s Day to all women who represent the symbol of femininity and to all men who become part of appreciating agent.

from one of my good friends – I’m grateful male in my inner circle are those respecting women based on what we’re capable of doing at the same time having ability to laugh at what’s funny in reality e.g.: ladies parking 😂 oops! sorry, myself 😶‍🌫️

Harvesting Generation (ranting)

Harvest is to reap
What’s nurtured from the nature.
Good plans might not work.

————————————————————-

Last weekend was one of the merrier offs. Meet up with friends in different places + online conversation with best friends did draw interesting facts about how they apply parenting.

I’m against those who consider children as investment. This mindset is broadly believed where I was raised. This old concept has poorly discouraged many of us to grow as we are.

Many children from my time feel that their success should be to fulfil what their parents want as the investors who often time consider financial support is paramount, not to actually use their own ideal dreams to contribute to society as an individual with their unique ID and personality.

No, I don’t deny how important formal education is for modern human beings. And so financial support -normally from parents in my society- should be highly appreciated by those who enjoy the privilege. Yet the financial support should not make children become economically vulnerable against their parents.

In the other hand children must know parents -assumed as the major or primary support before living independently- get old and need support in their retirement and so those elderly should be well taken care of. This should be a form of respect and responsibility, not an abusively forced task.

Good parents should know it is a responsibility to prepare children to be responsible human beings; good children should know it is a responsibility to support parents in retirement time. 💝

It is not easy to deal with parents who don’t give room or give very thin chance to bridge gaps of many topics. One of the significant result is these children fail managing their own future plans: losing the chance to work in a dreamed place, missing the chance to live abroad, getting married with someone they don’t love or being single for not getting approval to get married with the loved ones, and so on and so forth. I’m one of those 😝

When one best friend said she wanted her son to be so and so but the son shown his rebel, I couldn’t resist myself to not say “Do you remember why you are now still there?”

She laughed and said,”Ok, ok thanks for reminding me. But you are not married. haven’t been a parent, haven’t had children that’s why you can say that easily…..! You would be disappointed if your children grow not up to your expectation. You would never want them to live below your standards. They should be the one materialising parents’ dreams that are missed. What would you say, my dear?”

Damn! She might be right!

However, how would parents expect children to be what the parents failed to be? Don’t they think children will fail to do so as well with the same style of parenting parents copy from grandparents (who failed in the first hand)? 😫

Please forgive me, best friend. Can’t always agree with but respect your stance. If I have children, I won’t lazily apply the dictatorship or transactional relationship. 👍🏽😘

I thank God to be single in this situation although I have smaller hope to “harvest my own next generation”. I’m quite happy that my brothers (and some crazy good friends) allow me to love their children as an open-minded aunt cum good friend when they need to have fun smart discussions. 🥰

May all beings be happy.

the cause of crop failure might be flood, 😫
or draught, or any other reason like…
this and the gang, or….
THIS 😖

Messy Like Heaven – ranting

Messy like heaven.
After cooking I feel tired
Of all the dirty
Pots, plates, spoons, knives and rubbish.
Full without eating—


I am naturally a picky eater, but trying my best to eat every thing served as long as healthy and non poisonous. I even let myself eat those I’m allergic to – just to prove to this weak Self that this body can bear the poison though has failed now and then.

Today I cooked one traditional food from Java island of beautiful archipelago, my dear Indonesia – buntil.

It is stuffed cassava leaves wraps, you can also use papaya leaves. The content can be as cheap as grated young coconut only or added with anchovy or meat or any protein that you wish to have in the meal. This time I make a fusion – buntil stuffed with Korean stir fried anchovies with pumpkin seed and walnuts. The fusion is just because I could not find the seed that originally cooked in the Java island, we call it “petai Cina” (please use your freedom to find what it is in Google). I bought the Korean side dish coz I don’t know how to make it.

This is cheap and humble dish that is traditionally eaten as side dish with rice. But it has become a rare food where I live now – even people from Indonesia might not find it interesting anymore. Not sure why but alas! Everybody has one’s own liking. I’m so grateful that the cleaning lady knocked my door and brought some earth products that I’ve missed dearly – bamboo shoot, banana flower, cabai rawit and cassava leaves! So why not making food that I’ve missed so dearly, too.

I’m happy with the result, knowing that there are details of ingredients and still a good success. But the after cooking was not so happy seeing piles of dirty containers and cooking utensils that I had to wash by myself…. Heaven!

Anyway! Let’s see the happy scenes! Unhappy scenes of cleaning and tidying up the shelves and cabinets are off the records!

Welcome next good week!

May all beings be happy….

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Raw cassava leaves, just in case you never know what it is….

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Boil the cassava leaves with salt until they are soft enough to chew but not too soft to break themselves in your hands.

 

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Korean stir fried anchovies with pumpkin seeds and walnuts – it is sweet originally but I still seasoned it with the buntil seasoning….

 

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This is to tie up the wrap. If not tied, the wrap won’t be strong enough to hold the anchovies in and the leak of the anchovies with different seasoning from the one in the coconut milk will affect the final blend of the taste.

 

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Wrap it up!

 

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Put all the wraps into the pot…. They are happily waiting for some shower.

 

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Pour the seasoned coconut milk on to the wraps in the pot. And ready to boil….

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Cook until the coconut milk is reduced, absorbed by the wraps. Trust me, the taste is Heaven!

Slowing Down Footsteps – ranting

Slowing down footsteps
Pace along an ancient route.
Trace back your soul path.

Now here

Thought sometimes gets puzzled why thing happens to the Self, while logically she has made best possible efforts to control it not to emerge into events. At times emotions pour like heavy rain or they numb all nerves.

Then the Self realises that all is about tracing back the soul path: paying one’s karma, optimising one’s dharma.

Dear, Self.
You’d better pass major lessons in the current life. You shouldn’t want to fail the same lessons: acting lame or repeatedly meeting lame spirits wrapped in different physical planes, or both at the same time.

Dear, Beloved.
If it is not done,
Don’t let me slip from Your hands.

May all beings be happy….

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Experience Sharing – ranting

I’ve lived in this tiny country for more than six years and experience is the one making me the richest. I’m sharing you one most frequent.

I’m physically very ordinary, almost ugly, dark, chubby, short, not fashion conscious. And all in all I am poor or look poor – my source of income is only my monthly salary and some bonus from the company, other than that nothing. So, people can expect unexpected from an “I am” and will think that they can’t use me in a way but suddenly they would get crazily lured to use me up to the driest point when they know who I am — who am I? Nobody.

Ok. Time to rant —

One experience today,

I went to Funan Mall in City Hall area to buy rear light for my bike missing after my minor accident to the office and a tote back to be installed in my dear bike. As normal as a customer ever I greeted the shopkeeper and asked politely if I can get a spare of rear light.

Shopkeeper: What type is your bike?

Although confused with his question I answered “the one with M handle bar”.

Shopkeeper: This is a rear light. You know it or not?

I nodded and said yes.

Shopkeeper: Hey, you know the price or not?

I got a bit heated up because of his constantly high tone since I greeted him, so I politely challenged him: Why are you asking me about the price? I thought it is $45. Is it still the same?

Shopkeeper: So why did you tell me about the handle bar?! And you know the price is $45!

Hmm…. Rude guy! I was guessing he was testing me if I really intended to buy or just walked around the new store.

“Sir, you asked me about what type of bike I have then asked me about how much is the rear light of my bike. Now you are shouting at me as if I hurt your pride?” said I politely.

Shopkeeper: Sure you can buy or not?

I went away with poker face without looking at him then approached the other guy who was younger and nicer.

…. Another experience some months ago

I met a specialist in one of the best hospitals in the city and spent quite a lot to treat my disease. I shared with someone – let’s call her a friend.

Friend: Why didn’t you go to government hospital, it gives you cheaper package with the same quality of service. In this country medical services are quite standardised, only thing if you go to private ones you spend much more. Poor people deserves poor service!

I couldn’t say anything but smiled. I didn’t explain to her that I’m not a citizen or permanent resident that will get such privilege including the medical services. As a human being – knowing whether I am poor or rich – she shouldn’t have said the last sentence to anyone. Anyone, even if really poor

This Friend is still around me. I’m still good to her. And just FYI, it was not her first sharp words that were thrown to my face. I always tell myself that she is just being her, not more not less.

…. Another experience some years ago

I entered the office lobby. Today I would meet my interviewers for the final job interview. I was nervous, happy, worried and excited at the same time. Holding my Blackberry with both hands, I headed to the receptionist.

“Good morning, Ma’am.”

“You want meet who?” Oh my…. The Singlish was a striking welcome to me. 😃

“I’d like to meet with Ms X and Mr Y for job interview.”

“You Rike Jo ha?”

“Yes, I’m Rike Jo, Ma’am.”

“Sit first la. I’ll call them. You can’t use Blackberry, only iPhone here ya. Can not connect internet for browsing la.”

Oh my goodness. What a joke! I’m here to get a job, not to connect to internet.

“Hey, you from where? Indon?”

“Indonesia, Ma’am.”

“Ok Indon ya.”

“Indonesia, Ma’am.”

“Ok ok ok. Sit there, wait for 10 minutes they’ll come.”

Oh my god. And later I found that that receptionist was in-house subcontractor – the worst ever of liking to boss around and boast around talking about the company employees whom she didn’t really like so much. And more importantly, we are not prohibited to use any brands of gadgets in the office – but why bother using other brands if your own brand is the best on earth?! 😊

I still have my other stupendous and enriching experiences but it is too much for me to tell random samples of people from various factors who have judged people by their sole blurry eyes. Let it be, let it be.

Those people have judged me with their shallow mind, unfair position, misleading intention, partial data, insufficient information and the most of it with their pompous arrogance of being superior than someone coming from their backyard.

I am normally just feeling upset then immediately back to normal but today I was so fed up with those people. I pray that they know their points of view are not enough to evaluate others. They need distance, method and clarity to view then evaluate others. They should think before they say. They should listen to understand and not to reply. They should see before they leap…. Or else someday they will fall down and break down.

I will stay here for at least the next 5 years before I’m back to a human being without formal profession. By then I will have been a mature lady who knows that the world is spinning because some good guy accept others’ stupidity as learning curve, weigh others’ unfairness as a self reminder to be always stable, embrace one’s own anguish as the warmth among the cold ignorance of the modern people, and arrange all those into a beautiful arrangement of balancing points.

I still have many good friends here that make my life so beautiful and peaceful. And I will just be their good one, too.

Life is so colourful. I’ll enjoy it, with some ranting on at times….

Salam….

Khatib, July 26, 2019 – 21:03

The Shoes Are Waiting – ranting

Putting your feet in someone’s shoes isn’t as simple as putting a book at a shelf after reading it. Putting your feet in others’ shoes involve complication of thoughts and risks.

What if the size isn’t yours?

What if the smell isn’t into your tolerance?

What if the design doesn’t fit your feet type?

Is it safe? What if there are creepy crawly in the old shoes?

Is it healthy? What if the owner has skin problem?

And what if the owner doesn’t even let you put your feet there?

Stop!

What if you just have to be willing or not to put your feet in someone else’s shoes?

Period.

On GA822 before flying to my second home — Singapore

July 16, 2019 – 20:30

New Year…. Again? – ranting

December 31, 2018
Last day of 2018
It is another new year tomorrow.
I haven’t even made my resolution.
What resolution? Still need it?
I thought most of my resolution was failure and bursting bubbles,
So better leave 2019 without specific wishes.

Just wanna be a better version of me.
That’s it.

Oh, Life.
You’ve run so fast, dragging me to nowhere but here now.

Happy New Year, everyone.
Live your life to the fullest!

  • expecting longer rant tonight 🙂

Temasek – December 31, 2018 – 7:38pm

 

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Secret – ranting

And from now on I will have to keep it secret.

Sometimes you don’t have to tell anyone what you think.
And I decided not to tell people what I think about a person if not about important things.

Sometimes you don’t have to share how you feel to anyone.
And I decided to not share anything if not important things.

But what is not important about your life?
Everything is important.
So, wanna expose everything?
Hmm….
Ok, yet priority makes it simple.

Yeah, I decided to filter what to be told and shared.
Gosh!
What an unimportant ranting mine is!

Happy holidays!

Singapore – December 23, 2018 – 12:19am

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Forget – ranting

I’m a frequent flyer, constantly the whole year. I’ve got good frequent flyer points of course but that’s not what I want to share about my flight.

It is how I deal with it is more interesting…. Or annoying?

I used to be an early riser, now I wake up just on time without having spare time to step my feet on the floor gracefully. I just jump up from the bed and rush to the restroom then prepare my next schedule.

With such a hurry, I forget something sometimes. Sometimes is not a good expression — so, let’s say seldom. No, just take sometimes ‘coz seldom means slightly better quality — it’s not though.

Ok, I forget what?

I have some experience when I forget to wear shoes to fly out of Singapore. For vacation, no shoes is ok except for the cold weather but for business trip…. You don’t have a choice but wearing shoes and if you forget your shoes, you’ve gotta buy them or borrow them from heaven knows who and heaven knows it is shoe shop.

Once I forgot bringing shoes and I decided to buy a pair of sneakers that I now have to wear. It was a good chance for me to know that pig skin can be made for shoes. Pigskin is much softer for suede shoes. With the various colours offered, I had no doubt to buy one pair until the shopkeeper said to me “Ma’am, they are made of pig skin. I suggest you not buy them, just to be safe ‘coz we are Muslim”. What?! Then I bought a pair of polyester-base sneakers. Now I think I should have bought the pigskin thing!

Then another time I forgot to bring shoes again. No choice (again), I had to buy a new pair. This time I went to a shoe shop where many leather base shoes are displayed. No pigskin, no sneakers, only boots and nicely-cut female shoes and sandals. I decided to buy loafers that look very elegant.

I wore them for a two-day meeting and an occasion. I was so happy…. Until I realised that I traveled for a business over the weekend with two different agenda: one for in-house meeting and the other one after the weekend for a field tour. A field tour! Then I couldn’t wear my new shoes. Should I buy another pair again?

Lesson learned: never forget. Never forget your shoes. Never forget your trip purpose. One important thing: never forget that you are forgetful now.

Thanks, God for my being forgetful. I’m happy that I’m forgetful so I can just say “I’m sorry I forgot.” Gosh! Now I know why people forgetting is given allowance to skip some duties.

Whoa! I left my toiletries in the hotel room. I forgot again!

Thanks again, God!

Jakarta – April 22, 2018 – 07:00

Picture borrowed from https://m.ebay.com/itm/Mens-Florsheim-Black-Leather-Tassel-Slip-on-Loafer-Shoes-Sz-7-1-2-D-fw226-/152823959836?_mwBanner=1

Reflection – ranting

Just yesterday I told myself to stop ranting, today I am using the same word “ranting” for my posting title.

Please just consider it a sign that I’ll write longer than haiku, my favorite type of poem.

Ok, so….
I stand in front of mirror everyday, at least twice a day.
And I see the same person, me–
But with different expressions. Sometimes I look ok, sometimes not. Sometimes I look fresher, sometimes dull and duller. Sometimes I look beautiful, sometimes ugly and uglier. But most of all I feel that I can look better than current condition.

Is that normal? Let’s say yes.

The only thing that is not normal is…. How can I say to myself again and again that I can look better than this but then the next day I can feel that I look worse?
Is it because I don’t commit to look better?
Or is it my mind hijacking me?

Whatever.

Let’s do this again: stand in front of the mirror, say to myself “Hey, You. You are you yourself. If you realize that it is yourself, don’t compare yourself to others cause whomever they are you compare yourself with won’t ever reach your level and nor will you to theirs. You have your own pedestal to be you. And they have theirs to be them. Stop feeling more or less. It is you, the best you however you are.”

And, now I’m standing in front of my real reflection.

Does it guarantee I’m a good person?

No…. It is just a ranting old lady. 🙂

Kaohsiung – April 12, 2018 – 19:12

Below is a picture of mine with a giant durian — you’ve gotta see if I am more interesting than the durian hahaha….

patung duren di malaysia