Self Portrait

How do you look, Love?
Are you as fierce as tigers?
Or as cute as cats?

—-

picture from Pinterest

selfie is a modern version of self portrait — we can be the best artist we’ve ever wanted and shown the world the best version of our interpretation of our appearance

I love selfie — it is a freedom to see myself, not always good yet that’s me 💕

i tried to paint a self portrait yet the result is sooo artistic that I can’t recognise my own self 😃 i have a friend who is painting not really nicely but able to capture the character of the subjects — i should practice more ♥️

I think one year is good enough to at least knowing how to capture the character, painting nicely is never my goal

goal: capture the tigerness in my catness and the vice versa ❣️😊

Decisions

This path is smooth,
Many have traveled on it.
A lot of hearts were here
Singing hopes through time.

When sun goes down,
This path is glowing.
Many souls were here
Whispering love through space.

Sun will rise again,
Another day will come.
This heart is here
Promising to grow with the flow.

This heart is deciding
Every step is counted
And dedicated to grow prettier,
Making the path smoother.

——

what’s broken can be amended and still beautiful

seeing how life is generous, I can fall in love with the same face again and again; yet when health is getting from bad to worse, I feel this heart is broken now and then

yet life is still generous, so I decide to fall in love everyday 💕

I Bow to The Divine in You

The bow that launches
Is the arrow that is shot:
An exhibit by the
One
That honour is inevitably
Gorgeous
For that
Respecting
From that
Witnessing.

Salute to the bowstring.

——

I have learnt how to genuinely respect my teachers and other human beings even more after learning meditation in Bali Usada — I humbly thank you, Pak Merta Ada. I bow to the divine in you and all my fellow Tapa Brata participants 🙏🏼

it was a sunny day so Pak Merta Ada invited us all to end the Tapa Brata with 1-hour meditation under the blessed bodhi tree — hope health and calmness be granted to all of us ♥️

Pak Ishak giving his testimony about the noble silence, Ibu Lady his wife video shooting him — the oldest participants in this Tapa Brata 2 we all cordially respect

canang under a tree as a daily respect to it for being part of the environment protection

torch ginger is the most grown herb in Bali Usada meditation center — yummy and fragrant when cooked

💚


Three of us stayed in bungalow #4 for 12 days of which in 1st-11th we didn’t talk to each other. We just took turn of using bathroom, switching on/off light at 3:30am and 10:00pm, making sure towel racks were sunbathed, replenishing toilet tissue, cleaning bathroom. All were done in silence in between meditation sessions, physical exercises, meals and lectures. Only at the last night after Tapa Brata was officially summed up, we could not stop sharing about our life journey until 2:00am.

Tami is 32, Fitri is 33 and I am 48: I am the oldest but I am the baby in meditation — they meditated 1.5 hours without changing position, I did but could not stop “ngereog” in the last 5 to 10 minutes.

My age doesn’t mean anything with these 2 ladies of harmonious mind.

See you again, my little sisters! Anicca!
💕

ngereog literally means performing reog dance; Tami used the word to describe someone’s intense movement during meditation due to muscle stress 😂

Ibu Lady, Srimurni and I showered by the morning light right after morning meditation and no shower (yet)Srimurni was one of those could not stop talking to me after the Tapa Brata 😄

pure friendship is such a magical bond 💕

Pilgrimage

This life’s pilgrimage
Spiralling in to the core
Of old house within.

——

a mosque in Tokyo — Tokyo Jamii (Camii)

entrance — assalamualaikum, Tokyo Camii

mosque area – 2nd floor

i still know how to do sholat tahiyatul masjid (praying to respect mosque), recite QS Arrahman that is full of gratitudes and praises so i did it

the feel was exactly like when i pray in the temples and shrines

a feeling of home 💕

then a beautiful sister helped me with photo taking — she made me much taller, slimmer yet less me 😁 thank you 💕

time to fly home — thank you, Tokyo 💕

you make me love myself more and more, with all the wounds and scars

Cuts and Bruises

All cuts and bruises
Paint a life of a blossom
Before it decays.

i was so young and innocent, a loved friend of many, a hated enemy of some — i was so much blessed 💝

life has brought me travel through labyrinth of life with traps and turns that cut and torture yet i am still a loved friend of many, a hated enemy of some — i am still so much blessed with cuts and bruises 💝 i’ve lost much but i find myself

no one shall erase this happy girl within — a blessed soul that travels through space and time 🙏🏼 thank you

No Regret

One by one they fall,
Petals decompose to soil,
Fertilising life—

when i see more fine lines under my eyes, i feel blessed that i am alive up to this age; i wish to live longer with the same amount of love or even more 💝 there is no regret for all are signs and turns to the home 💝

A Loving Visit

A loving visit beyond time and space. Salaam. Universe answers.

about the museum
beloved
beloved
beloved
when you’re loved, people still visit you even when you’re nowhere 💝
when you’re loved, you’re taken care of even when you’re nowhere
beloved – visiting him with love, see you again
beloved – visiting him with love, see you again

Angels (sharing)

The wings are flapping sprinkling blessings through the air. Breathe them. Be blissful.

In Arabic angel is called malaaikatun or malaaikah or simply malaaikat (الْمَلٰٓئِكَةِ) literally meaning “power that governs”. In Islamic tradition the “power that governs” are grouped based on what type of assigned power they govern that are many and one of them is “power to govern protection”.

I always believe I am fully protected through the existence of the angels surrounding me although I am not interested to discuss about their form; people say angels have wings, others say they are made from light, some say malaaikah are systemic laws to run the universe, and so on and so forth. It doesn’t matter to me. That they exist and follow the assigned “power to govern” is enough for me.

Only when we listen, we will hear. We will hear the songs of the angels, the songs of universe, the songs of the heart, the songs of the soul. I prefer my angels to sing jazzy songs in this end of long weekend. 😁

Listening to heart…. 💗

Salaam.

‘ve met feathers almost everywhere walking recently; i took it as a sign that protection is everywhere and decided to always wear this silver pendant this year as an appreciation of the protection — thank you for the protection

Smile

Smile, Beloved, smile.
It’s a luxurious gift
For you and for me.

I was checking my educational docs and was in awe to see my photos in each of different docs. How I am touched by physical transformation and what experiences attached to it, that makes me stay loyal with my own self whatsoever.

Tell yourself that your life is a journey that if you need buddy, you should pick those willing to share wonder. Otherwise, travel alone. 💝

Thank you!

💝

sleepy, angry, yet stop telling me to take a nap! 😂😂😂
classroom, my party time; playground, my party time, my childhood was everyday party! 👯‍♀️
no smile, no mercy 😃
length of hair defines how I treat the world; i love my pretty silly me! 😃

Speed

Deaccelerate,
Accelerate on the road.
Life is not a race.

Fasting is a very familiar way of life to Javanese. Called pasa or poso, fasting in Javanese culture is always related to the effort to self align. Many Javanese like doing fasting with or without meditation (tapa brata or topo broto) depending on their commitment.

While Javanese Muslim do at least one month of fasting per year in Ramadhan, fasting in Javanese culture itself came even much earlier before Islam was introduced. While in Islam fasting is between dawn to dusk and the same restriction is commonly applied to all kinds of fasting, Javanese fasting is more varied both in term of period and restriction.

Fasting helps Javanese slow down the pace in their mind, regulate the speed of their ambitious behaviour upon life goals, train themselves to be patient.

There are several kinds of fasting in Javanese culture that are still practiced by relatively many nowadays.

1. Regular fasting
This fasting is done only from dawn to dusk like the Islamic fasting. This is a common practice, many Javanese parents use this kind of fasting to train their children about how to manage their immediate excessive desires and concentration in under pressure situation. I remember when we were elementary and high schoolers, we were instructed by parents to do fasting on Monday and Thursday during yearly school testing weeks. Yes, I felt more focused on my study as I had to prioritise tasks to save energy. Brilliant!

2. Mutih
Mutih is derived from the word putih (white in Javanese, Indonesian, Malay). During this fasting, a person is restricted to eat other than white rice and fresh water for 24 hours started either at dawn or dusk. Ordinary Javanese can do it for one day, three or seven. Yet more advanced (usually senior) Javanese would extend the period as per commitment.

3. Ngasrep or nganyep
Ngasrep is derived from the word asrep that means cool or cold; while nganyep from the word anyep means tasteless. In this kind of fasting the food and drink should be all cool and tasteless. The person is suggested to eat only boiled vegetable without adding taste (salt, sugar, oil, sauces, etc) and drink fresh water. It is mostly done in three days.

3. Ngrowot
Ngrowot is a word derived from the word krowot that means Javanese common carbo source except rice. The person who does this fasting will only eat carbo non rice like sweet potato, suwek (konjac), gembili, gembolo (English please….), taro, cassava and other tubers.

4. Ngebleng
Ngebleng means staying in; so doing this, a person will do regular fasting but very limited food intake allowed without leaving room or house, not meeting anyone, just doing meditation or doing household chores without distraction from anyone. Someone can do it three and seven days and forty days. Not many are doing this as this is a challenging one: not easy to find a place. This fasting is quite heavy because it does not allow sufficient food intake for a long time.

5. Pati geni (pati: turned off, geni: fire)
It literally means “fire turned off”. This is the highest level of Javanese fasting as the restriction applied really tests the person’s very high commitment: s/he is not allowed to eat, drink, sleep including fall asleep and see any light both artificial and natural. How long? The shortest is 24 hours, maximum unlimited. Note: if s/he sleeps or falls asleep, s/he has to restart the fasting.

There are other kinds of fasting in Javanese culture which were done by very limited people and have been left by many due to the impracticality such as pasa ngidang (from the word kidang or deer) in which a person is only allowed to eat raw foliage like a deer, pasa ngalong (from the word kalong or bat) only eating ripe fruit from the tree, pasa kungkum (bathing up to chin level either in the pool, river or shallow sea) without eating or drinking, etc. There are probably other kinds of fasting as Javanese used to be very creative in “fasting engineering” hahaha….

Javanese believe that with fasting they will connect better to themselves and inevitably with the ultimate power of the universe. They will usually become confident people without showing off. Those fasting committed people —if doing it right and without evil intension— will be a highly spiritual people and voluntarily dedicated to environment and people.

Javanese believe that this type of people bring blessings to the surroundings although blessings are not always tangibly seen. The blessings can be as simple as peaceful daily life with little conflict,

Do we still have many of them? In very silent villages around Java island we might still find a few. They are traditional farmers who feel the need to connect with the ultimate power as only that can help them manage their humble farming that is now severely industrialised and exploited.

Hope we still have them in silence. Amen.

Alfatihah.

“too much” in all kinds: portion, protein, sugar, carb – never mind, it’s good! 🥰 my yesterday’s break fasting

Love Makes

Love makes heart full.
Love makes heart empty.
Love makes heart laugh.
Love makes heart cry.
Love makes heart closer.
Love makes heart distant.
Love makes heart trust.
Love makes heart distrust.
Love makes heart bloom.
Love makes heart wither.
Love makes heart healed.
Love makes heart broken.
Love makes heart warm.
Love makes heart cold.
Love makes heart enlightened.
Love makes heart blinded.
Love makes heart beautiful.
Love makes heart wicked.
Love makes heart bright.
Love makes heart weary.
Love makes heart sing.
Love makes heart scold.
Love makes heart write love poem.
Love makes heart compose hate speech.
Love makes heart recite ballads.
Love makes heart scream hoax.
Love makes heart look foolish.
Love makes heart look angry.
Love makes heart love more.
Love makes heart hate more.

Love makes heart swing like a pendulum between two ends.

You say love is
You say love is not
You ask what is love

Love makes space
To those willing
To feel,
To taste,
To experience
Millions of what’s-nots
To know
The what-is.

We decide
Which space
To be filled
With what.

This is about love—
An unlimited edition
But still
Difficult to grab.

missing home where love is as simple as opening the door ajar to let the breeze in – please bless me oh Allah…. this poor soul 💝 thanks for everything

Life of A Flower

It’s about flower in its life cycle.

A flower blooms, dries to fall off or falls to dry at time in place for a given moment. It lives then dies. It blossoms or prematurely drops.

Some flowers are admired, some are not even noticed. Some are vibrantly coloured, some are dead dull. Some are meticulous, some are straightly simple. Some produce edible fruits, some the poisonous.

It’s about flower, the beauty in itself, although most view points perceive the look differently. Absolute beauty sits where it is, lingering forever as values and concepts. Relative beauty fades away through aging, some even without being remembered as memory or history.

It’s about flower, the one in a palace and that in a lawn.

Salam. Alfatihah.

prominent, admired, blessed
unnoticed, hidden beauty, blessed
fall to dry, blessed
dried and ready to decompose, blessed

The Director

Her life, Beloved,
Perfectly-directed film
Ready for Oscars—

————————————————

She sometimes forgets that life is a performed script in which she is casted to act out a given role the best she can. She should follow the director’s direction and directive.

What about spectators? She should ignore spectators. Spectators are stars whose job is to see and comment on the film. And they pay for what they see and comment. The payment goes to the stars!

So, dear Star. Fix your moves. Better your expression. Tag your ears with the melody. Live in harmony, with your own self like Javanese Bedhaya performers who are meditatively drowned in the sacred composition.

Oscars are waiting.…

…. Only if you play all out!

Heart and soul dancing through body 💞

Alhamdulillah 🌻

The Director from Pinterest
Bedhaya, the epitome of Javanese dance

River

River, Beloved,
Flows. Let things go with the flow
From, in, through, to you.

—————————————————————

Feel the flow: calm, swift, pushing, breaking, splashing, swirling, stuck, moving. No matter what, flow.

enzo on a plate
golden enzo

Healing Roots

Trace back history
Deeply buried in the dark.
Strong trees start from roots.

————————————————————-

History of life. History of family. History of country. History of a nation. History of a continent. History of the world. History of human beings. History of the universe.

Whose stories?

History is written by the victors, said Winston Churchill. Is that right? It might be, politically.

She’d love to understand histories from those who have experienced life journey with heart and soul.

No right or wrong

May all beings be happy.

roots are as delicious 🐣

Shape A Good Heart

Good heart, Beloved,
What blossoms her life. Always.
Bright light in the dark—

————————————————————

Human being with good heart looks weak. Yes. Not always though

Human being with good heart looks stupid. Yes. Not always though

Human being with good heart looks naive. Yes. Not always though

Human being with good heart looks vulnerable. Yes. Not always though

With all those, she’s still seeking all ways to shape a good heart. Failure. Pain. Sadness. Vulnerability. Anger. Disappointment. All those are nothing but chisels sculpting the best figure in the right place at the right time.

Thanks for sending me all those human beings with good heart along this journey.

May all beings be happy.

Salaam….

where I am now after my Japanese class – this heart is filled with joy! 💝

Walking The Dark

Value, Beloved,
Not only talked; also walked—
White cane of the blind

———————————————————

One teacher said talking and walking the value consistently is one of the safest way of life. Challenging though especially where many are unknown or unfamiliar—

Yet it takes integrity to stay in a value.

“Hey! What about economical value? Political value?“ asked the students.

Teacher said,”When it is about taking advantage from others, we’d better not call it value.”

“What would you call it then?”

“Hmm…. I don’t know, whatever you call it as long as you don’t harm yourself and others.”

“Sometimes those who know don’t know….,” said one student whispering almost no voice.

“Some things just don’t have exact name. They are simply known and felt,”said the teacher in the heart smiling and walking ahead.

Aah! It takes a journey to be a student. It takes a journey to be a teacher. The same journey, different lessons 💝

Salaam…

keeping value as an ethical beacon in life