No Cure (Ibn ‘Arabi)

Without him I die
and with him’s no better
With or without him
longing’s the same

I found him, finding
what I hadn’t foreseen,
the cure and disease
as equal fevers

His silhouette flares
as we draw near
each other and
burns more proud

The deeper the harmony
the sharper the pain
Measure for measure
as decreed


The above is poem excerpted from below book — one that well explains how love consumes good soul. By simply loving life has shown what joy and pain can be perceived as either happiness or unhappiness depending on how deep or how true love is given meaning or taken for granted.

It has taken me quite long journey to finally connect the dots among the manifestation of love, pain, joy, harmony. It takes whole life to refine love and it takes big love to refine life — a vicious circle that keeps the fire burns, light flares and smoke billows bringing hope up to the sky.

“Life is light. Life is true.”

May all beings be happy.


Tarjuman Al-ashwaq (The Translator of Desires)

Love & Work

I’ll love
No matter what
I’ll be over anyways.
I’ll work
No matter what
I’ll be over anyways.
There is me
Or not,
It might be the same.
Yet as long as there is me,
I’ll do what I can
To add more
To my life.
I’ll love
No matter what
In life.
Life is good,
I won’t skip
A thank

listen to love; it is everywhere 💕

Happy Birthday, U2!

May 5 is today.

This is my second Tapa Brata and both of them are special. My first in 2018 was special because Pak Merta Ada’s teacher (Merta Ada is my health meditation teacher) a Buddhist high priest visited his retreat center and gave us blessings. This second one is because we found that May 5 is his birthday! He was born on May 5, 1957 — a long journey of a meditation teacher and healer.

Someone is also celebrating his birthday across the ocean. May 5 becomes more special today this time. A journey of a silent traveler.

Happy birthday Pak Merta and dear KU. Both of you have a special place in my heart.

For Pak Merta, we immediately prepared a green sarung rangrang. For KU I thoughtfully prepared a poem.


Alone the bird flies
From a nest on a tall tree
It knows where home is.


May 5 2023 is when the biggest moon rises this year; Waisak (Vesak) is already celebrated in some countries (on May 6 in other countries) — my meditation teacher is celebrating his birthday, another life teacher of mine is celebrating his

an “emergency” birthday present for Pak Merta Ada from our class, wrapped in a beautiful fancy paper from the nearest small shop nearby to wrap a sarung rangrang I originally bought for my additional spread and table cloth — what a beautiful togetherness in this meditation class 💝

Saturday Night in Central Ubud

Sky invites me
To swarm around a show
That is glistened with colours
In a Saturday night.

Rain almost falls
But is held until the show ends
Simply to tell me
You are welcome.

These steps walk me
To where blessings are.
These breaths inhale me
To where peace is.

Among the crowd I find a calmness
With my own self I find merriness
All is well
All is good

I enjoy Saturday night in Central Ubud.

i normally stay rather far from city center of Ubud but this one night i wanted to stay in the city where dance performances are located in many different spots — this is the side gate of Puri Saraswati Dijiwa Ubud opening to the lotus garden

tonight’s performance in lotus garden was Tari Janger (janger dance), maybe next time 🙏🏼

i wanted to watch Legong Dance performance so i walked to Pura Saren Ubud which was 200 meters away from where i stayed

was the first to enter to get a seat in the 1st row and later found it was not at all the 1st row 😂

seeing the preps is already exciting!

musicians were getting ready

Tari Pendet (welcoming dance) — i learnt this dance as a child, felt like wanted to laugh remembering how funny i was dancing with my sister 😂

Tari Topeng #1 — sorry i don’t know the name; watching with many types of spectators whose joy might be over the limit and blocks others’ view 😂

Tari Legong – the primary show 👏🏼

Tari Legong — i wanted to watch this simply because i have a sleeping gown with legong dancer on it 😀

Tari Oleg Tamulilingan

Tari Kupu-Kupu (butterfly dance) inserted as part of Oleg Tamulilingan

Tari Oleg Tamulilingan (dancing bees)

Tari Oleg Tamulilingan (dancing bee)

Tari Topeng #2 — sorry i don’t know the name

we didn’t know who was behind the mask but he did perform so well and we enjoyed it 💝

thanks for the show! 🙏🏼 happiness is an ambiance shareable with those we don’t know and we probably don’t care to know — God bless all 💝

Cuts and Bruises

All cuts and bruises
Paint a life of a blossom
Before it decays.

i was so young and innocent, a loved friend of many, a hated enemy of some — i was so much blessed 💝

life has brought me travel through labyrinth of life with traps and turns that cut and torture yet i am still a loved friend of many, a hated enemy of some — i am still so much blessed with cuts and bruises 💝 i’ve lost much but i find myself

no one shall erase this happy girl within — a blessed soul that travels through space and time 🙏🏼 thank you


Breathing the same air
Under the same sun and moon,
All pray for good days.

Sharing is not only about self satisfaction and social support, it is also about gauging how much I dare to let go of what heavy and significant. Trust me giving will not make you poor.

This monthly food sharing is about Ramadhan odd night and night of revelation (lailatul qadar).



package for some elderly people and tricycle drivers who deserve food sharing back in my mother’s town 💝
what’s inside
while the monthly food sharing is without kue apem, this maleman food sharing is with kue apem 💝
5 big monthly package for nuclear family 💝
what’s in the big package 💝

Resting My Case

When a lady goes,
Two dogs race with her, saying
See you again, friend!


Completing the mosque night in Jakarta, I hopped to the next island. I have a holiday in lieu as I was working outside Singapore in its public holiday so why not meeting my friend in Bali to spend my Monday?

This good friend is a Buddhist, a devoted pupil of Dalai Lama. She has met him four times in person in Dharamshala. So it is a good thing to discuss about the news circulated about him; the sooner, the better for me to clear my hazy mind.

I explained to her my understanding about sexual harassment and abuse and the video that has made what might be called framing or true case depending on what brings to whom. She listened to me patiently. Then she explained to me quite long and clear about the Tibetan culture of “tongue eating” not “tongue sucking” and mostly about what kind of person Dalai Lama whom she has met and shaken hand with. She also asked me to watch the complete video, not only some part of it so I can build clearer context.

We had a long talk. Based on the chat l decided to delete my posting about Dalai Lama, not because I totally agree with my friend but simply because I don’t want to make things more unclear. Resting my case—

Waiting doe my flight with a light heart—


Pablo Picasso and Salvador Dali, my friend’s dogs

Ramadhan Odd Night

Sleeping under dome,
Reciting signs of wisdom,
Ramadhan odd night


Some friends of mine and I stayed overnight in Istiqlal Mosque on Apr 15 (25th night of Ramadhan) to focus on “sleep less, pray more”. We did much earlier as high schooler when we stayed overnight at school in 2 Ramadhan nights to sleep less and pray more to gain lailatur qadar that my friends and I believe is special night to reveal truth within our own selves.

This very time in Istiqlal 3 things were emphasised by some teachers to all of us.

  1. Birr walidayn (doing good deed to our parents) including but not limited to making them feel in ease and peace, show respect and gratitude, talk softly, pay regular visit, cook their favourite food, buy good clothes, and other good deeds
  2. Knowing one’s self = knowing the God — interaction with one’s self is as important as interaction with other human beings as tools to clearly see the core self within
  3. Loving fellow creatures is paramount in life — no choice as human beings without discrimination!

Thousands of muslims stayed in the mosque and we didn’t know each other, we just followed the scheduled activities mostly in silence or very casual salaam except talking in low voice to few friends going together as groups.

Thanks for giving me one night to sleep less and pray more.


with girl friends in senior high school class — me with 2 besties 💝💝💝 night for (crazy) youngsters

Ramadhan Odd Night in Istiqlal Mosque, me and 2 good friends slept under the 3rd pillar in the female chamber (left side of the hall), there is partition between male and female chambers — felt like staring hundreds of star clusters 💝

Simple Joy

Is there a space
For happiness in an angry man’s belly?

Simple joy can cure hunger.
It draws smiles.
It brews laughter.
It dampens dry heart.
It cheers up weary soul.

Is there a space
For unhappiness in an angry man’s belly?

If he knows joy is as simple as
A pattern on matcha latte,
He should say “Sorry for breaking your heart,
But loving myself is a priority”.

Simple joy is not that simple
For those knowing no simplicity.

we asked the barista in our office to draw flower on on the matcha latte but he said it was too difficult “this time this lah, flower needs more training haha…. sorry ya” 😁 thank you, that is pretty, too

Melodic Prayer

No billowing smoke
Of incense she’s whispering
Melodies that free.


i prayed that all that i love are happy and healthy wherever they are 🙏🏼

i prayed that their soul is reborn free and dedicated to humanity wherever they both are 🙏🏼

Reflection & Fragrance

Standing in front of you,
I see love.
It is clearly reflected—
A face of mine smiling at itself.

When you look at this mirror,
What do you see?

I wish you know
You are love reflected by a clear mirror.
I wish you see
This water clearly reflects you,
A love that exudes fragrance.


a pond behind Himeji Castle 🏯 i could breathe drizzles and pine freshness while seeing a school of fish swimming in clear water reflecting acceptance

Faded Away

The longing has gone
Too far left by trueness.
No plate is prepared,
No wish is grown,
No intelligence is to decipher message
As heart is numb by laughter
And ridicule.
No number symbolises,
No alphabet pronounces,
All are faded away.
There’s only mine on its way.
Bring it fly
To where it roots beauty,
Peace and eternity.

Only love remains
For the journey
That appreciates
Not a point
That fades away.


i’ve met dandelions in many different spots; all of them are blooming new dreams, totally new, leaving the blur ones — prayer heard and soon coming true 💝

Perfect Imperfection

Is life abundant?
She asked.
They said,
When you have everything.
She walked away,
There was never everything
In imperfection.

She says.
Life is generous.
They say,
Because you have everything.
She walks away,
There is never perfection
In everything.

Life is abundant,
She agrees.
They ask,
Do you have everything? You are not perfect.
She walks away,
There is always perfection
In anything imperfect.


anger has long gone but sadness is still lingering like a hungry fox hunting a chicken 🙃 yet life is so generous to me offering sweet imperfection and simplest perfection that might be just a dream for those perfect perfection — so thank you as always! 💝

giving myself time and space to live again 💝


Where is sun when sets?
Where is moon in the day light?
They share love through time.

Interaction is about reciprocity; even when we are alone, we are interacting with some tool of life or with the deep self within.

When it is not reciprocated, interaction is not genuinely true.


a grandma with her grandson

a mother with her son

family gathering

feeding two grandsons

let’s climb!

hi, dove! said the little boy

what’s in the water? said he


what is that over there? ahh hope! ☺️

am i your headache? no, you are my universe 😂

don’t move, just smile! someone is taking our picture ☺️

she is asking her cam to see what she sees 🙏🏼

our daughter is playing, i am sitting near her

hey! clear up! i am gonna land!

electrocution my a**! 😁

Weekend Full of Heart

Every weekend
This heart multiplies.
They wander
Through music, pictures, poems and prayers
Sending peace
And love
That might not be
What a sweet weekend!


although you’ve targeted me with uncertainty, (pic: Banksy’s)

although you prefer war (pic: Banksy’s)

although you ignorantly hijack the love, (pic: Banksy’s)

sweet heart is still what you deserve,

no missile but beautiful heart should be sent to you (pic: Banksy’s)

freshened and showered with warm heart is your right

at the end a bunch of flowers will be thrown to you (pic: Banksy’s)

hahahaha…. i am always laughed by my best friends for constantly being “love sick” (pic: Banksy’s)


The sun rises, sets
At two ends to tell the time
To the open eyes.

I always become guilty when my nieces say they want to be like me after breaking up romantically. They might think being single is the best choice in that situation, which is true yet nothing is permanent. Don’t be too sure about what you think, that’s what I always tell those young ladies.

The wedding of my niece recently was truly one miracle to witness after so long she thought she would not trust marriage institution. She finally trusts a man, a lucky one as much as my niece is lucky to be married by that funny guy! 💝

Behind the wedding scene one of my nieces approached me and asked me questions and here is the interestingly funny abridged conversation.

N: Auntie, you still hope to get married?

Me: You?

N: You know what happened. I believe mother told you. She said to me you disagreed with my decision.

Me: Of course. You are young. No reason to not getting married.

N: You? Tell me.

Me: I am slightly different.

N: Old?

Me: Yes.

N: Are you abnormal?

Me: Like what?

N: Homosexual.

Me: No.

N: You hate men?

Me: No

N: You are afraid of being poor?

Me: I am not. But I won’t want to be poor.

N: So what makes you single for so long?

Me: The same as you.

N: Trust?

Me: Yes.

N: Do you think I can get my trust back faster than you?

Me: Yes. Look at Dan. It took her only some years to finally getting married.

N: I hope I can.

Me: When you still talk about hope, it means you will get it.

N: But I hope you get married first before I do. Please…

Me: I hope….

N: (she smiled and went to fetch some snack)

Sometimes you’ve gotta show your beloved how much hope you have to make them keep hoping for the best. To me although I have to pretend…. 😝

N: (she got back with some snack on a plate) Do you really hope? It’s been 16 years!

Me: 😂

never give up, dear kids — everyone has love to share
there’s always love in hope

Dream Catchers

Catch my dreams, my love
The ones I could not.
Share the joy, my love
The one I would enjoy.
Let’s smile together
At the road we’ve taken.

You might have missed some dreams
Caught by your beloved around.
We’re dream catchers
Catching the ones
Delivered by the brightest fireflies.

Happy for good
Joyful forever.

i’d always wanted to be a journalist, i can’t for some reason — but she’s the one reaching my dream even much better 💝 god bless you, Dan! 😘