Friendship

Friendship, Beloved,
The sun rising so early,
Pushing stars away—

(Very early) morning conversation that left me sleepy but so energized after talking with someone whose genuineness could kept me listen to whatever this person said— My day is always good especially when started with a cheap talk with my best friends. Today is going to be super good one!

BF: Still writing?

Me: Everyday

BF: Poems and ranting?

Me: Ya, you don’t read mine?

BF: Not these two weeks. Busy! You still talk to yourself in your writing?

Me: Ya

BF: You think people like it?

Me: No

BF: Why do you do it then?

Me: I do what I love doing.

BF: Even if no one cares?

Me: Even if no one cares.

BF: Are you happy?

Me: Not always

BF: Are you happy writing?

Me: Mostly

BF: What happens when you are not happy writing?

Me: I have so much in head but I don’t want to make it so obvious or it is so hard to make it concise.

breakfast please…. 💝

BF: Do you know that people reading your cheap writings might think you are madly in love?

Me: I don’t care. But yes I’m madly in love.

BF: With whom?

Me: With many different things.

BF: Name some.

Me: Oh my…. Are interrogating me?

BF: 😂😂😂 Yaaa! You didn’t know?

Me: I just realised it.

BF: That’s how you don’t care about what people are doing to you? Don’t be silly. Put some suspicion and negative thinking to some people, even to someone that you love.

Me: I will.

BF: You’re 50 several years to come and still have mental of a £€$@$£€L!

Me: What?!

BF: Do you know who is among your friends genuine or not?

Me: Yes.

BF: But you look like not knowing.

Me: Because I don’t care. It’s my business to make sure I’m me but I can’t ask others to do the same thing to me the way I do to them.

BF: What about me?

Me: You are genuine especially when you have problem.

BF: You mean?!

Me: Yes, only I can listen to you for 5 hours non stop ranting about your problems! The same problems unsolved for years! That’s how genuine we are with each other.

BF: &$@!?890:;((@:!!!!

God bless all my best friends. See you all soon! 💕

About Us


Your face gleams in stars
I look up alone at night.

Your words shine with suns
I search in far galaxies.

Your heart sits so high,
It’s frozen. Should I leave now?
Said I to my heart.
A line of white clouds stop me.

These feet are stuck here
Standing on dewy grasses.

It’s almost morning.
Maybe you’ll wake up, I’ll see.

It’s a bird story
Finding a place called a home.
She thinks home is far.
It lies in her heart meadow.

💝

Penang – Oct 5, 2022 / 04:56am

Feel Good

Feel good, Beloved,
No matter what. Stars still shine.
Moon and earth still spin.

Why are you nervous, my dear? Romance is within reach, just between breathing in and breathing out. Stars, moon and earth give you so much attention while you are ignoring them. They have done their jobs; you should do yours if you think it feels good.

May all beings be happy.

Salaam. 💝

one of 10 recommended pho in Hanoi, good recommendation found through Google search
disclaimer
yes! worth strolling from the hotel in Ly Thai To street to the stall in Ly Quoc Su street 💝 just made the feel good so good!

Romance

Romance, Beloved,
Turns her into a dreamer
Of a slow dinner.

Today’s dinner is the longest ever I have alone: sitting in the restaurant for almost one hour not only to eat but also to enjoy a sight of two old-aged lovers enjoying dinner at a table across mine. There was no obsession of showy loving, no romantically staring each other, no hand holding, only picking food from the shared menu on a plate and a bowl s-l-o-w-l-y almost meditatively — Hmmm I mean I still dream of doing the young romance but at their age all lovers will have become “private life historians” wanting to recount memories alone in the crowd. 😄

They spoke Vietnamese so I (almost) whispered to a waitress serving both of our tables to translate a chunk of the chat we both eavesdropped. A couple of hackers of very ordinary topics! 😊

When I left the table (they were having a shared plate of dessert s-l-o-w-l-y), I smiled and waved my hand to the lady. She smiled and waved to me, too. Silently I sent my prayer gift for their health and happiness.

I think my dinner was more romantic than theirs. What a beautiful evening!

Wakey, wakey!

Time to prepare tomorrow’s work! ☺️

Salaam.

romantically enjoying an experience of how a couple of senior lovers enjoying romance the way they are! fabulous! 💕

Gifts to You

These gifts, Beloved,
Peace and love hummed to loved ones
Living here and there

One of the Javanese and Islamic teachings that I will never leave for the rest of my life is sending gift of prayer containing peace and love to my loved ones wherever they are, whether they are physically wandering on earth or spiritually gathering around life.

I believe that my passing-away ancestors are living in different levels of consciousness (call it hell, heaven or somewhere in between up to your liking) and they are watching their offsprings without being able to directly communicating with us. They deserve my gift as they have been my line to get the chance to be here now. They deserve peace and love as they have done the best they could to draw a meaningful family tree. Yes, some might have made silly mistakes but hey that’s what Buddhism calls “karma”. Yes, some might have caused shameful stains on the family picture but hey that’s what Islam calls “alam syahadah”. Whoever and whatever they were, all of my ancestors deserve good wishes sung to them.

I also wish peace and love to those I love still breathing the air. Wishing all of them health and happiness. 💝

We Javanese Muslim will send gift by reciting some Javanese prayer closed with Alfatihah, a short chapter in the Quran containing peace, love, praise, forgiving, protection and guidance. A basket of beautiful wishes—

How light this heart is to be sure that all whom I love are well.

Alfatihah to all whom I love. You’re loved. You’re blessed. Don’t shop too much. 😁

Happy weekend!

born as part of a nation doesn’t make someone higher or lower – being born a Javanese, Aborigine, African, Arab, Chinese, English, Indian, Japanese, Korean, Sundanese, Vietnamese or whatever is a gifted tool to contribute the best quality of culture in sustaining and respecting humanity – respect yourself, respect other human beings 💕
if not respected (by you), your origin will be a boomerang (spun around hitting you) – be grateful for being born as you are, never wasted, fully loved, surrounded by beloved only if you accept who you are 💕

Idyll

Idyll, Beloved,
Found in rural area;
Hidden heritage—

Saw a package in front of my door today. It had been there for several days as instructed to the courier while I was away for a biz trip. Three pieces of jarik batik (long fabric with traditional batik patterns) from Yogyakarta were delivered safe and sound.

Idyllic gift for myself for the hard work in the past one year. Thank you, dear self! 💕

💕 thank you
this handmade batik was crafted by Mbah Suhir, a 93 year old batik maker – truntum background with sido asih (combination of 2 classic patterns) – I’m blessed!

Truntum (depiction of thousands of jasmine flowers) symbolises life under divine guidance and peaceful life fragrant like jasmine. Sido asih symbolises living in love and compassion.

210*120 cm – shorter jarik is for male as he won’t put any pleats when wearing it
the one-sided black “sido asih” handmade by another senior batik maker (still trying to find her name) – I’ll keep this beauty with love 🥰
250*105 cm, classic batik – longer jarik is for female as she will make some pleats at one end of the cloth to beautify the lower apparel

While sido asih pattern bears common symbols everywhere in Java island, the color and the strokes show its place of origin. Black and thin lining is originated from Solo, white and bold lining is originated from Yogyakarta.

“nitik cakar ayam” two-sided classic batik handmade by Ibu Suminah (80 years old batik maker) 🥰

Nitik (literally means making dots/points) is an original batik pattern in Bantul district, Yogyakarta. Nitik “cakar ayam” (literally means chicken claw) symbolises someone who is good at providing good life for his/her family (hard working, prosper and wise).

Two-sided batik is such a luxury to have in modern day. It doesn’t always show the price; but it is more about the maker has to block both sides of the fabric and it doubles the time of craftsmanship. Most batik is one-sided nowadays.

Can’t wait to directly thank the batik makers for their love to Javanese culture.

Matur sembah nuwun, Mbah. Mugi penjenengan dipunbarokahi dyaning Gusti Allah Kang Maha Agung. 🙏🏼💕

Alfatihah

Poem, Beloved and I

Time is paper
With which poems are unrolled.

My beloved said
You need pens, I give you trees.
You need ink, I give you oceans.
Write love poems with love
Until you run out of paper.

I said
I need much paper
I want as much as I want
My love poems are trillions and more.

My beloved said
I won’t let you write forever
The last paper is not for you
It is for me to invite poets for a party
Where a special spread is ready.

I asked
How much paper will I get
Will you give me as much as I want
Will you let me write trillions of love poems?

My beloved said
Write as much as you want
I’ll give you as much as you write
You’ll get your paper for your trillions
As long as they’re yours.

My beloved said
Be dignified, write your own poems,
As the spread will be only for those
Not claiming from others’ names.

big lunch, mini spread for my hard work today – my parents’ message about how to enjoy luxury of life: be dignified to
“eat” what you’ve worked and share with love 🙏🏼

Little Bird

Little bird, dear love,
Telling her to soar then go home
To where her heart is—

Home. Is it a what, a who, a whom, a whose, a which, a when, a where or a how? She knows hers and it doesn’t always the same as others’. 💝

shared rice with a little bird in Cointrin Airport before boarding for Amsterdam then home – a trip worth doing she should repeat 🥰 …

Nuance

Nuance, Beloved,
Painting one heart in two hues;
Comparing two times—

Some songs like poem will stay in my heart and won’t die. One of them is Dewa’s Kangen.

Never getting bored of listening to it— Weekend is the best music box! 💝

Once’s version sounds sexier 💝
Ari’s earlier version sounds sharper in heart. So young! 🥰
Ari and Andra make it raw and pure!
live show – Ari’s version is still the best! 🥰

With Love

With love, Beloved,
All is done and completed.
How would she not thank?

one of the doors of my humble abode should be adorned with climbing rose like this 💝
and one of the windows, so when the window is opened I breathe love from the pink roses 💗

Love & Trust

What is love and trust?
Wind and water pushing boat
Sailing to a land—

Yes, love can come mysteriously like Capt Nemo’s Nautilus suddenly emerged from sea surface. She might love one that she doesn’t logically expect to love at all. Love is an active emotion. If she loves, she does. If she doesn’t love, she doesn’t. Accept and embrace it with its pain and foolishness.

Yet, trust can promote or demote one to or from a position like how Capt Nemo finally trusted Aronnax, Ned and Conseil as his main crew in the submarine. Trust is a living action. Test and investigate it with loyalty and integrity. If she trusts, she’ll promote the one to an inner circle. If she distrusts, she demotes one to outer layer.

Aaah! Love is always sweet in word— just that some people don’t have sufficient vocabulary to express and to understand. Trust is always inevitable in number — just that some people are accustomed to data manipulating to look good and so hiding the fact.

Still loving you though 💕 💕

May all beings be happy.

(from Pinterest)

Dream Home (lunch break)

Dream home, Beloved,
Sitting with all senses on,
Capturing moments—

Lunch break + very very heavy rain = early wish of birthday getaway to come true!

sitting here while writing a bunch of love letters to whomever I want – 2023
long chat in Ubud – 2024
tranquil nights in Angkor – 2025
ocean air breathing in Ninh Thuan – 2026
walking in the depth of souk – 2027

To be continued with more destinations in 2028, 2029, 2030, 2031, 2032, 2033, 2034, 2035, 2036, 2037, 2038, 2039, 2040, 2041, 2042, 2043, 2044, 2045, 2046, 2047, 2048, 2049, 2050, 2051, 2052, 2053, 2054, 2055, 2056, 2057, 2058, 2059, 2060, 2061, 2062, 2063, 2064, 2065…. As if I knew how long I will wander around here? I hope to live as long as time is mentally and physically enjoyable with family and friends without bothering them.

Long life, fresh and sane!

Then came the calculation part…. A lot of coins to spend to comfortably celebrate that way in those particular places. Easy! Just need a clover pendant to make it happen. 😝

4-leaf good luck charm immediately wanted!!! to make dreams come true 🍀

Thanks for the rain and daydream. I know there is more than meets the eye! Life is so rich and I accept all the gifts.

Crossroads

Crossroads, Beloved,
A while gauging where to go—
Follow the North Star.

Today’s conversation with one best friend was a bit nostalgic. She talked about how she went to spiritual class (very common in my country to do so for religion or non-religion based teachings) until finally she quit at 45. Her reason was disappointment to teachers. She asked about me and I said quit at 30’s and my disappointment was to myself.

A stubborn student, I wouldn’t listen to what teachers told me to believe or to do. I would ask questions then believed only when choosing to believe; even with good explanation, I wouldn’t believe if not interested to believe.

One example of the fool was when a particular teacher gave “daily task” to recite “Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem”, I didn’t do it even he only asked me to recite it 10x a day, while the other two were 100x a day. “No, Teacher. Why do I have to do it? I already read it as part of Alfatihah recitation in my daily prayer, that’s more than 10x a day,” said I. It was when praying was five times a day for me, oftentimes 7 times! 

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem is a sacred word uttered by Muslim or most traditional non-Muslim Javanese when starting an activity. It means “In the name of Allah The Gracious The Merciful”, some interpret it as “On behalf of Allah The Gracious The Merciful”. By reading it the reader is expected to only do good thing with good intension with love. The teacher also said that reading it we were doing self alignment: align the self with the true self, to be true to ourselves, to easily make decision and to cut short confusion and to always be blessed, to blend action with good intension.

Amazingly all teachers understood the fool and just gave a lot of smiles and books to read which annoyed her more and more. I became frustrated seeing the two good friends gained fast track understanding of life. I decided to quit then did whatever was fun fun fun ignoring the essence of being human being.

Only years later I found that self alignment is very important and I was sorry for realising it late. I finally got it why those two good friends were so peaceful while I was still struggling with almost everything. It was also the year when we found that that dear teacher passed away of old age.

I know where to go because I am fool…. where? to you…. 💗

Now? Learning to care more about inner journey and well being. Whatever happens to me is a consequence of my decision. If the decision is aligned with my true self, it leads to success. If the decision is false and against my true self, it leads to lesson learnt. Lesson learnt leads to better decision. Better decision leads to success. Success to me is not merely material gain, it can be simply being able to smile in tough time. This simple lesson is a result of years of battle for a stupid person like me.

My best friend asked me how now to deal with self alignment esp when in confusion.

Me: I recite Bismillahirrahmanirrahiem cumulatively 300x before night sleep.

BF: Why? Did that teacher come virtually and ask you to?  

Me: No. I found that this word is my best to strengthen self-alignment between good intention and action.

BF: Why 300x? He said 10x.

Me: He discounted the price. I’m 30x more valuable than his appraisal. 

BF: Arrogant fool!

Me: I’m just a fool.

BF: There are two of us. 

Lesson learnt: Always find a way to see my fool not others’. Always find a way to laugh at my own self not at others’.

Alfatihah.

So I Can Meet You

I don’t want to race.
Only safety that I wish
So I can meet you.

started late today and found the undercharged front lamp, decided to go back to the brighter track, safety first 🧷
brighter area near home is always the safest

Dear Lover

Lover, Beloved,
With whom air and joy is shared,
By whom tears soon dried—

Being excited about solo travel wished in near future has made me remember places visited alone years ago. One of them is Madrid. Exciting one! Also ridiculous one! This trip was where I had: Korean food for lunch (my hunger came earlier, while people in Madrid have lunch at around 2pm so the most recommended Madrid restaurant was not open yet), Chinese silk bought (order from my beautiful best friend who was craving for it), lapis lazuli earring studs purchased for €80 (found them only S$40 in Lucky Plaza, might be only IDR300,000 in Jakarta), walking around the same street 4 times to find one place that was shown very clearly in Google Map…. I was lost in mind because of too many handsome faces on the road 😂

Madrid though won’t be a city I will go alone anymore. This place is too romantic to go without a lover.

One more thing, be careful of pickpockets! Too many, too many!

Salaam. 💝

I still believe I saw Cristiano Ronaldo in Starbucks there but none of my friends believe me 😆

Dream of You

A beautiful view
Conjured by moon, sunk by sun.
It feels faraway,
A dissipating shadow.
At least I dream about you.

Sunday, did you conspire with the sun to snap my dream? Never mind. I’ll call the moon again to get it back. 😄

Happy Sunday!

Freydoon Rassouli’s Alchemy of Love

Your Name

Your name, Beloved:
Air blanketing fragrant space,
Soil firming the stance—

Shakespeare said “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.”

He isn’t wrong. Yet he isn’t always right.

I call a name when rain is sweetly pouring down, call another name when day is scorching too bright and hot….

Why is it easier to call your name than my own? Is your name so strongly rooted that only it I can remember when it rains? Is it your name or is it you that stays with me?

Oh you….

Oh your name….

Salaam.

is the flying butterfly not anymore the caterpillar greedily eating before sleeping? am I still the un-named baby born by my mother? 💗