Generous Nature

Lily bulbs come back
Among red leaves in autumn.
Second chance from Her—

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What is second chance? Once again? Or again and again like lily bulbs that come back every autumn and bloom beautifully until forever ends?

spider lily near cemetery

Mother Nature has taught me that mistake doesn’t come with punishment; it comes with lesson to be a better human being, someone who has purer intention and clearer attention. She consistently brings messages about acceptance that no one will be perfect as imperfection is an included package to realise and/or materialise perfection. That welcoming the next good day is doing the best today. That if the next now called tomorrow is here, the second chance has welcome me to be a better me. A me that’s more me than before—

I remember my Kyoto trip in 2014, my first encounter with spider lily. Fascinated, I sat down on the grass for quite long time in front of a temple with my camera until a beautiful Japanese (old) lady stopped by me.

“Hana! Hana! Hana!” She said smiling, with her thumbs pointed to the lily then to my camera.

“Ya! Ya! Ya! Thank you! Beautiful flowers!”

It was a surprise for me. A moment with no preparation. A short act with no anticipation. She just went away with her wise old smile.

That lady was probably sent to me as a second chance to re-define what possibly a Japanese truly looks like as the previous week I didn’t have a good experience with another one in Nagano.

I won’t probably meet with her again, yet enough for me to know that when I’m that age, I’d like to be as friendly and warm as her. 💝

Thank you for everything that comes with second chance, even second chance after my second chance so that in the second second chance I realise that it is my second chance not to be missed.

Al-Fatihah for all those who miss the second chance and those who are waiting for a second chance.

Salaam….

spider lily at the rice field – I haven’t seen it in my country, worth trying

Both pictures are borrowed from https://www.japanvisitor.com/japanese-culture/seasons/higanbana

Self Worth

That you feel
Better,
Smarter,
Luckier,
Richer,
Prettier
Than others

Might
Not
Be
Self worth,
Beloved.

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Today’s discussion with some friends was about self worth. One head, one point of view—

My own understanding about self worth has evolved. Its turning point was in 2009 after a broken heart. World was ruined. Hope was (almost) zero. The worst was the way I was cut from the relationship; it made me feel of having no self worth. It was a time of emotionally shutting down like an un-charged computer; functional intellectually and physically but not emotionally— zombie in the making.

Dumbest young me!

I thought self worth was when I was do things better than others. Or, knowing more than others. Or, given a lot of things out of the blue as if winning lucky draws again and again. Gaining financial freedom and material things. Or feeling prettier than others (this one very seldom) at least prettier than Bob, my cat.

What is self worth in my system?

— self worth is about utilitarianism. Miriam Webster dictionary says utilitarianism is a doctrine that the useful is the good and that the determining consideration of right conductshould be the usefulness of its consequences; specifically a theory that the aim of action should be the largest possible balance of pleasure over pain or the greatest happiness of the greatest number.

If I’m good. So what? What have I done for my own self at the same time for others by being good, smart, lucky, financially independent?

If being good, smart, lucky, financially independent doesn’t bring benefits to others; where’s my worth? Is worth to self not enough, said someone. Not wrong; if the perspective of ‘self’ is about taking. In fact, life is always about giving and taking, or taking and giving.

“The best of people are those that bring most benefit to the rest of mankind,” said Islamic wisdom. It is equivalent with “urip iku urup” in Javanese wisdom.

Lo! No matter what people perceive about me as long as I do good to my own self and surrounding with good will, so be it.

May all beings be happy. 🪶

books to be shipped to Yogyakarta, for one of my best friends who opens a library in a small village 💝 I’m happy that what I read will be utilised for others’ good. 🐣

Wisdom of The Grass

Not a chamomile.
A coatbuttons swaying wild,
Through seasons and winds—
Thousands of its seeds travel
To spread wisdom of the grass.

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Is there anything called limit in earning wisdom? No. Even to realise that a coatbuttons grass is a bearer of wisdom.

That good life doesn’t have to always look great and glamorous. It’s about realising that a tiny dust makes a universe a whole.

That beautiful life isn’t without challenges. Through the patience of accepting what’s now and consistently inspiring through little humble thing I know what’s being human.

That being strong isn’t about beating others in competitions. The real competition is about becoming a better version of myself every day in where I’m sitting.

That inspiration isn’t always when people call me successful. Being a success is making small decisions for myself that helps others grow at the same time leaves good vibes to myself for more little steps to a place called homely future.

Chamomile tea sipped by aristocrats in afternoon tea tastes elegant and upper class. Yet coatbuttons dancing in a disturbed lawn bear thousands of wisdom to ponder. It’s about choice of journey though, not right or wrong.

May all beings be happy.

Al Fatihah to celebrating souls on earth. 🙏🏼

coatbuttons meme from Pinterest, a small sanctuary where tears and laughters rendezvous

Love Lives Life

This breeze blows gently
Sending a dowry of Life
From Love, sincerely.

—————————————————-

Breathe…. It’s what Life has shown that Love still wants to live.

Salaam. 🙏🏼

thanks for the breathing and the breath 💝

Forever

A strand of white pearls
Harvested in the deep sea
Bedazzles her neck.

————————————————————

There is time when I regret of what’s done and nervous about what will happen. Why did I do that? I should have done this. What if I fail again? I am not good enough.

I used to think money was everything with happiness but I prove that money is the biggest illusion in life that I misunderstood. Now I consider money should be merely a tool, never a purpose. Yet I still think of what if my company stock price decreases? 😁

I used to look for happiness and protection in a relationship. With experiences I become strongly convinced that only a healthy relationship with the self can help me cope with problems; moreover, without healthy relation with my self any relationship with others won’t work well. Yet I still don’t heal from broken heart easily and still think whether or not I will meet someone I can share some simple happiness and shelter with.

I was between life and death situations more than once for some illness before, and so helpless about future. And gradually I realise that death can come anytime even when people are healthy. Yet I still hope I die when I let go of any confusion and live in clarity.

However, there is time when I know that only in the now I can accept everything. In the now I can shed tears with mixture of gratefulness for what’s breaking my heart and blessings of what’s boosting the quality of life. In the now I can smile just by seeing piling laundry waiting for ironing. In the now I can see the canvas is the door of self healing. In the now I can imagine sending a cake full of love for my loved ones who live in many different places, whom I cannot visit with many reasons. In the now I can see shades of real and true happiness in each and every experience from wake up to sleep.

Thank you for the now and now and now that form a strand of pearls called forever.

I live forever until the last now meets with the first now.

Al Fatihah to all of my loved ones across the oceans. I bless you happiness.

Salaam….

back on track, contemplating with colours
do things with love, the definition of love? enjoying good things to the fullest or, in bad time enjoying the process with patience 💝
thank you, Emily for the message 🪶🙏🏽

Just Be

Jasmine is jasmine,
White, fragrant, tiny flower.
It sits in silence
Never bothered by roses
That stun eyes with the redness.

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borrowed from https://banjarmasin.tribunnews.com/2019/01/30/pesona-kambang-sarai-martapura-segini-keuntungan-perajinnya
jasmine and rose flower garlands – Little India’s gems

Healing Roots

Trace back history
Deeply buried in the dark.
Strong trees start from roots.

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History of life. History of family. History of country. History of a nation. History of a continent. History of the world. History of human beings. History of the universe.

Whose stories?

History is written by the victors, said Winston Churchill. Is that right? It might be, politically.

She’d love to understand histories from those who have experienced life journey with heart and soul.

No right or wrong

May all beings be happy.

roots are as delicious 🐣

Harvesting Generation (ranting)

Harvest is to reap
What’s nurtured from the nature.
Good plans might not work.

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Last weekend was one of the merrier offs. Meet up with friends in different places + online conversation with best friends did draw interesting facts about how they apply parenting.

I’m against those who consider children as investment. This mindset is broadly believed where I was raised. This old concept has poorly discouraged many of us to grow as we are.

Many children from my time feel that their success should be to fulfil what their parents want as the investors who often time consider financial support is paramount, not to actually use their own ideal dreams to contribute to society as an individual with their unique ID and personality.

No, I don’t deny how important formal education is for modern human beings. And so financial support -normally from parents in my society- should be highly appreciated by those who enjoy the privilege. Yet the financial support should not make children become economically vulnerable against their parents.

In the other hand children must know parents -assumed as the major or primary support before living independently- get old and need support in their retirement and so those elderly should be well taken care of. This should be a form of respect and responsibility, not an abusively forced task.

Good parents should know it is a responsibility to prepare children to be responsible human beings; good children should know it is a responsibility to support parents in retirement time. 💝

It is not easy to deal with parents who don’t give room or give very thin chance to bridge gaps of many topics. One of the significant result is these children fail managing their own future plans: losing the chance to work in a dreamed place, missing the chance to live abroad, getting married with someone they don’t love or being single for not getting approval to get married with the loved ones, and so on and so forth. I’m one of those 😝

When one best friend said she wanted her son to be so and so but the son shown his rebel, I couldn’t resist myself to not say “Do you remember why you are now still there?”

She laughed and said,”Ok, ok thanks for reminding me. But you are not married. haven’t been a parent, haven’t had children that’s why you can say that easily…..! You would be disappointed if your children grow not up to your expectation. You would never want them to live below your standards. They should be the one materialising parents’ dreams that are missed. What would you say, my dear?”

Damn! She might be right!

However, how would parents expect children to be what the parents failed to be? Don’t they think children will fail to do so as well with the same style of parenting parents copy from grandparents (who failed in the first hand)? 😫

Please forgive me, best friend. Can’t always agree with but respect your stance. If I have children, I won’t lazily apply the dictatorship or transactional relationship. 👍🏽😘

I thank God to be single in this situation although I have smaller hope to “harvest my own next generation”. I’m quite happy that my brothers (and some crazy good friends) allow me to love their children as an open-minded aunt cum good friend when they need to have fun smart discussions. 🥰

May all beings be happy.

the cause of crop failure might be flood, 😫
or draught, or any other reason like…
this and the gang, or….
THIS 😖

The Estuary

Rivers change their flows,
Meet salt, join tides, become sea
In an estuary.

—————————————————————

Eyes are a lagoon where tears are gliding through to the ocean of realities before evaporating then giving up what’s not serving anymore and turning grief into spirit to achieve the next milestones.

Soul is what’s peeping out through two windows, zooming in and out of what life presents to the self, finding the best view with accuracy and precision to gain clarity.

There won’t be anything wasted. All is flowing, without stopping. Like rivers that keep moving from soft to fast flows before finally joining a vast ever-moving force named the sea.

May all beings be happy. 💝

an estuary in Sempu Island, East Java – a hidden gem, hope it stays (relatively) hidden 💝

Beautifully Wounded

She’s dancing freely
Between needles of the rain.
Wounds in a bright soul—

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She loves rain as much as she adores rainy days. It reminds her of millions of water needles sharply in high speed falling on earth, different parts of earth.

Heart rain washing a rainforest is a blessing, flood in Jakarta tortures many stray animals and the underprivileged.

It’s not the pain, Beloved. It’s what’s left after suffering.

Are you still beautiful?

May all beings be happy.

snowdrops after heavy rain

Picture is borrowed from https://wallpaperaccess.com

Friendly Green

This life, Beloved,
Needs greenery and friendship
To stay beautiful.

————————————————————

Someone can’t truly live without dreams. Dreams make days clear with focus and full of energy, nights calm with focus and full of serenity.

Simple dreams will do; as simple as doing daily gardening on a small courtyard garden and veggies garden around a house that is hosting simple rendezvous of family and good friends, cooking, teaching free language classes and life skill or tips of management or leadership to those who need, traveling light to places friendly to weaker body, sharing how life is so broad and deep with those who care.

Come true. Come true. Come true. 🐣

Wake up! All is still on paper. Go back to work! 😃

May all beings be happy. 💝

No Distance Ever Be

Distance, Beloved,
Isn’t how far you’re from me.
It’s how soft the voice
Can reach your heart. These whispers
Slide through the space of the rain.

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Have a good weekend! 🌱

Hey, Gardeners

Plants greet gardeners,
Life shows generosity.
Optimism springs.

————————————————

Sometimes what she needs is optimising the sight in enjoying spectrums of light reflected through colours around her and rests. Then only a meadow of no feeling…. All can be called whatever it is, she prefers calling it beauty.

She realises rain has brought a lot of happiness to the orchids. It probably contains fertiliser triggering blooms and blossoms. Strong roots, healthy leaves, appearing flower stems, keiki. Thank you.

Nature greets those who’d like to take care of others who also want to survive, even the least of care is repaid.

Salaam….

these what make an amateur gardener stay longer in the shower room – enjoying the beauty of colours and looking down a crowded crossroad
pretty!
pretty!
pretty!
pretty!
pretty!

Soft Heart, Possible?

Fire melts metal,
Taming its hard side of life.
A shout to soft heart—

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Hardship in life train two muscles: physical body and mental body.

The harder the exercises, the harder and tougher the physical body is. Punches will only hit hard strong muscle and a hit back can even beat the attacker.

In fact the harder life tests a human being with challenges, the softer one’s heart could be. Soft heart isn’t a sign of weakness, it is kindness or even wisdom. And wisdom is the purest strength.

A Javanese wisdom reflects how a soft heart can build someone’s attitude and behaviour: sugih tanpa bandha, digdaya tanpa aji, ngluruk tanpa bala, menang tanpa ngasorake.

Sugih tanpa bandha: Someone can feel rich without money or property. She can own treasure, wealth, fortune more precious than what money can buy. The true richness is a soft heart that can contain a lot of opportunity to learn lessons and preserve the heritage of life wisdom of being a human. Only soft heart can do that.

Digdaya tanpa aji: Someone can be powerful without physical strength. Only clear mind and soft heart can shape her to a powerful individual through whom solutions and ways out are channeled. Don’t ever worry, Beloved that having a good heart is in vain. At the end it is soft heart who drives good mind and it is also soft heart who invites true appreciation and respect.

Ngluruk tanpa bala: fighting without ally sometimes happens in life. Or always? Yes, when she fights against her own imbalanced judgement or inharmonious thinking, that’s when she doesn’t have ally. She is alone. No one can help her. She needs her own self and her alone. It is soft heart her sole ally to win every battle inside.

Menang tanpa ngasorake: winning without defeating or humiliating others. What do we need but victory? Yet victory isn’t always about winning against others in arguments or race. Victory is at the end about learning what weakness lies beneath a failure to appreciate and respect a relationship of any form: blood ties, friendship, romance, etc. And only soft heart can calm her down from intensity of defeating or humiliating others. The softer her heart, the better others feel about themselves. As a result those who are not feeling belittled will make space; and only soft heart will be given space without second thought.

Unfortunately it is applicable only in relationships without money as the basis. Sad? No. I can apply it happily outside business arena, a space which is broader and deeper than it looks. Step by step…. 💝

Salaam…

a soft heart, as soft as moist marble cake 🥰

7

Numbers, Beloved,
Tell you what life has brought in.
Blissful happiness—

————————————————————

7 or pitu in Javanese is an abbreviation of pitulungan that means help, aid, assistance, support in any form in a situation when a Javanese feels helpless and hopeless.

In life I believe whatever enjoyed whether it’s a tiny achievement or accessibility have always been in 3 forms of pitulungan: from my ally, my enemy or from the invisible.

It’s my ally for sure. They will never let me down because when I lose, they will lose as much as or even worse than I do. We’ll work together to achieve our common goals. My family, my friends, my colleagues.

The enemy? Believe it or not, I’ve won a lot of battles with the help from enemy. Unfortunately they never realise that the harm they caused have been the best fuel for me to boost myself to achieve what they’ve never thought would happen with their bad influence and/or actions. My enemy think their strikes against me will ruin me. Oh never, my dear. You throw me bricks, I build a castle!

And the invisible is a never-ending support I’ve received since I was a baby. I was born difficult my mother said. I got sick when I was a girl. I grew in an environment where popularity was the most appreciated; if you were ordinary (although with high quality of quotients), you would not be appreciated. I grew up humble and naive and knew nothing about (dirty) competition. If I’m not protected by the invisible, I would have lost every battle against opportunists and deceivers.

I’m so lucky to be surrounded by 7, pitu-pitulungan, a number the Javanese sacredly celebrate. And the three layers of 7? Definitely mine!

Thanks, 7. You’re not the 7 sins or evil other people consider. You’re not the 7 of bad luck on crap tables.

You’re a 3-layer 7 sent by the Life to protect me forever.

May all beings be happy.

7 feathers

Moment

Moment, Beloved
The breeze before falling rain
Greets the earth. A joy—

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Moment is when an experience gets clicked with all senses, falls on to the right-chosen meanings, stays for a longer time.

Yet each moment should vanish, fade away, blend into pixels of maturity in someone’s life. It will be forgiven, might be forgotten, must be learnt as life lessons. How delicious this life is for those who are willing to appreciate both shade and light. How beautiful life is as it is composed by millions of pixels of different experiences whose essence is memorable.

The more experience, the better? Yes, only when its essence is memorable. Its essence is memorable only when all senses are capturing the experience and reflecting it through lesson learnt. Or else, it is just motion gone with the tick-tock of a clock— not forgiven, not forgotten, no learnt-lesson.

Walking through the lanes around Masjid Sultan, sitting at the verandah of an old shop lot, reading new old-book from Wardah Books, drinking Turkish coffee, sucking the sweetness of kunefe, breathing the air right before the rain, hearing the warm chats from other tables are all motions which are waiting for the moment to disclose beauty before things end. The taste of life!

Weekend is always much appreciated through slow pace, to balance the fast-paced demanding targets that are relevant for a preparation before the next beneficial life journey.

May all beings be happy.

books before coffee, coffee before sugar, sugar before smiles
taken it many many times, still favourite Turkish food of mine
dear Lamp, is anyone living inside of you?

Alaturka Mediterranean and Turkish Restaurant, gonna be back again (and again) 🥇

a pretty corner
eyes everywhere, omnipresent omniscient

Sunflower

It’s Helianthus
Following Helium core,
Breathing in the life.

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Sufficient for me is you, and you’re where I give myself over to.

May all beings be happy. 💝

Blue Is The Night

Good morning, moon. How
Was your night? Mine is so blue,
Missing someone that
Is loved. He flies with his dreams.
I dive with mine. Happiness—

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💐

no wonder most of my nights are blue, the blue light glows wrapping the rise

Happy Journey

Birthday, Beloved,
One step closer to the gate
To a rendezvous

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It’s my mother’s 77th birthday and she looked so happy when I called through my little brother’s phone. A happy day for all of us finding that she’s still happy and healthy in this age.

She’s a lady of the house. She’s respected by family and neighbours because of her kindness. She’s cheated though by the greed. She’s loved by her children at the same time official enemy of all of them at certain time. I personally have a shade of rivalry against her, she did envy me how I would be closed with and always got constant support from my father. 😂

My friends want to be like her but I don’t. I don’t want to be like her because her life was too tough. She was born in a period of war, raised mostly without a father and be given a lot of ups and downs in her personal journey. Lucky that she was married to a humble, kind, hard working man and they became one of the best couples in our humble world.

Happy birthday, Ibu. I wish you happiness. 💝 Long happy life! See you at our dining table on your 78th birthday. 😘😘😘😘😘😘

Lots of love as always,

Your daughter (stubborn yet sweet) 😊

this is yours, Ibu
this is mine!!!