Self Love Or Selfish?

Self love or selfish?
A striking question to me
From me about me.
The answer hangs up the call
Coming from behind my head.


—


Singapore, October 26, 2020 - 9:45pm

Arid Land, His Heart

I never want to hurt myself, I just didn’t know who you are.
I got hurt by a cactus in a desert
Who pricks little fingers,
Who just want to touch this life softly,
Not hurting, not taking anything away.


Wounded, I decided to blame stupidity:
Why did I have to have to have to have to have to just touch cacti? I should have left that arid land long before I touched a prickly spirit.


A delayed regret is less important than a lesson learned but it always gives a story the most significant pivot.


Now
I’ll just admire from here
From where I stand
With millions of prayers
For a secret journey.
Yet I know you are a ghost days and nights.


Someday when I pour down the rain,
You’ll know.
Love is as sweet as water in drought—
Maybe—
If it is not late....

May all beings be happy.

Stiff Neck No More?

Buckwheat hull pillow
Reduces stiff neck. If not,
A true marketer!

I couldn’t stand stiff neck anymore and decided to change my pillow into buckwheat hull. Once I tried one prominent brand but it felt too high (don’t like thick pillow) and it ended up stored on the rack.

Sobakawa pillow seems to be a very promising cure. Let’s wait if it really works, or the marketing just works.

May all beings be happy.

Who Is Your Best Friend?

Who is your best friend?
MacBook, iPad or iPhone?
Internet it is!

I can’t deny my % of interaction with outside of my body recently is through machines activated by Internet. Hope 2021 will bring the “real life” back to normal: when I do the job normally meeting people kindly at the same time evaluating honestly, when I can travel to home country to meet good friends and to favourite countries to absorb good energy, when I can smile to others without waving hand because of wearing face mask, when eating out is not limited except by the operation hours not by physical distancing, when things are natural.

‘m still happy though as Life has given so big a gift every now and then. I have family who love me and friends who accompany me in high and low. I work in a company that takes care of me very very well. All with the Beloved’s bless and love

So, I am still ok to be MacBooks, iPad and iPhone’s best friend for the next some months.

May all beings be happy.

Looking In To Self – haiku

Your self perception
Doesn’t represent true you.
So is self portrait.

10% of self portrait hasn’t even captured the spirit of the person being painted. It is either a failure of technique or absence of realism talent. Or both?

May all beings be happy.

Take A Break – haiku

What does Friday bring?
Laundry, canvas, wok and pan
Wrapped in a good mood.

My stubborn headache and stiff neck suddenly vanished this evening….


I naturally love my job and love it even more every day with the space between two weeks!

May all beings be happy.

Hungry Caterpillar

Caterpillar feet
March on a twig. Oops! They flip.
Scary acrobat!
It looks up to the blue skies,
Prepares to cocoon itself.

Butterfly is never really born. It is a natural breakthrough after the hungry caterpillar is willing to go fasting and liquidize itself in seclusion. When it is time, a butterfly comes into being.

You might be not a colourful pretty butterfly but cocooning should have taught you that your present being is the output of a long resting period after such a long euphoric period of being a hungry caterpillar. The euphoric being is gone, replaced by a winged soft being flying and dancing celebrating the moving air around its body.

Your wings might be just pitch black but they are the result of how sincere you are in a transformative sleep hanging in a weak twig, without knowing if you’ll be slapped down when the twig is broken, without knowing that you’ll be aborted because of the wet, without knowing that the end is the end or a transition point. You just don’t know but you accept your not knowing.

You might not be as pretty as the most beautiful butterfly out there but…. You’ve gone through the same quality of cycle – not less not more. Thanks to fair Mother Nature.

To be “born” winged, fly, help the flowers pollinate before fruition and magically create graceful move with super powerful effect….

Don’t be upset for being a flipping hungry caterpillar’ coz when you’re transformed, your flapping wings can blow a typhoon!

May all caterpillars be happy…..

Rike Jo

Signs – ranting

When sign means nothing,

She’s maybe illiterate

Or dead desperate.



I had a conversation with a good friend, the topic was “sign”. This particular friend cannot read most of non verbal signs and hints from her spouse clearly. What her spouse shows non verbally won’t trigger any curiosity from her; except when he expresses it verbally then she will understand. Facial gestures, body language, more seriously mental vibration won’t do her any ring anymore.


I thought it was strange as a couple should be able “to read” each other’s feeling or idea with a blink of an eye! At least that’s my ideal couple goal.


Then after a while I can relate to what has happened to me.


I’ve been living away from family for more than 25 years; the 7 of which I’ve lived totally home alone (cats and other pets not counted). And that 7-year period is when I think I’ve lost the ability to read what my family is trying to communicate to me. We either don’t understand “the language” or we just can’t accept “the reasoning”. When it comes to language, I feel that our ability to read kinds of personal or cultural gestures have diminished either with my ignorance to their loving and caring behaviour or with their insensitivity to my practicality and logical thinking. We just don’t know how to match things in many occasions and usually we’ll just tolerate each other by saying “no worry, as long as you are happy and healthy”.


When I asked what happened to my friend and her spouse, she said “I just don’t know what language I should use to communicate with him”. Hmm exactly what I experience with my mother and siblings.


“Why don’t you try guessing whatever you see from him? Just to show that you care?”


“I’ve tried but it looks unnatural. He asked me why I did weird questioning and guessing.”


“It is ok, unnatural at the beginning but will be natural when you find the click”.


“We won’t find a click anymore. We are not happy and not meant to be.”


Eh?


At that point I couldn’t say anything. I think she is not illiterate, she’s seriously desperate.


Gosh! Life is a mystery! We, her close circle have always thought they’re the happiest and I’m the lonely. Now I think it is time to be thankful just for a minute to be happier even than the happiest.


May all beings be happy…..

Sunset – haiku

She loves each sunset.
It throws her things to ponder,
About life knots.

Temasek – Aug. 30, 2020 / 23:54

Many people choose to live in houses facing the east where the Sun greets them in their mornings. The iconic sunrise is not only the representation of natural beauty but also the indication of value in dollars of the residence.

All my windows face west though, with no special consideration except that I pay cheaper rent for this small apartment. My friends said I should have chosen the other one with some dollars more to see the sunrise. I thought I made wrong choice but soon found that sunset isn’t less beautiful than the sunrise.

Sunset gives me warmth of the day. It waves me a hope to see the next day. It’s red, orange, yellow behind the spectrum of light to dark blue and oftentimes grey to pitch black has become my dear friend when I’m home.

I’ve been not only living but also working from home since March and seeing many sunsets with different combinations of colours and weathers.

In fine days sky gives me clearer definition of what sunset is like. Round burning circle slowly and quietly drowns into darkness, leaving the land a peaceful place and letting electricity take the turn.

In cloudy days I’ll ask the sky where he hides the giant fire ball. He says the ball is still burning behind him, moving to the same direction in the same orbit with relatively the same speed, just that it is knowing that certain days don’t need its presence for some reasons. Sun still sets but my eyes don’t witness it.

Sunset has taught me that life goes on whether we see it or not, hear it or not, discuss it or not, taste it or not, smell it or not: sense it or not. Sunset has taught me that the attention is human beings’ button of “what exists”. With or without that button, everything exists yet human beings think some don’t exists just because their button is off.

Sunset is truly a gift for me from the Universe. It is a present when I miss my beloved people, a lesson when I’m aware of who I am or I am not, a teaching when I’m enlightened, a button when I’m observant or ignorant and many other subjects depending on what state of emotions I’m in.

Sunset is a call to realise that nothing lasts forever and at the same time thing can be an eternal memory of yours as long as you wish it is.

Alamak…. I become so sentimental because of sunset….

Thanks much, Sunset for accompanying me for some minutes in my long-hour day. I know you travel to the west, please carry my hope to my love and send it back to me the next day through the sunrise in front of my east front door.

May all beings be happy….

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Mirror – haiku

If she’s not ready
To see herself. Stop giving
A mirror. Give gin!

—-

Sometimes you lose your confidence to tell your friend what you truly know about what happens to one; not because you are afraid of losing a friendship, but just because you know that one will lose one’s confidence by seeing one’s own true face.

Ya, sometimes you will sacrifice your position – before someone you keep doing yourself a stupid idiot (please excuse my language to myself) who will only act as a yes-friend to make someone get more and more drunk with fake realities.

A good friend, are you?

May all beings be happy….

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Milk and Honey – smiling

Ants under a book
Crawl about into a nook,
Escape from a look.

I’d been struggling with happy ants on my desk. A group of ants were nesting under a book and even after some effort they were stubbornly staying under that particular book.

I didn’t get it but now I do.

I lifted the book and moved it to another place and magically no ants came back. I put another book to where the “problematic spot” is in. No ant came back! Until now….

When I checked the book that attracted the happy ants, I found the title is “Milk and Honey”.

May all beings be happy 😜

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Busy vs Lazy – haiku

Not so much differs
Too much work or too much time.
Busy or lazy?

Singapore – July 31, 2020 / 08:45

—-

A pile of work can show whether you have a lot of work waiting or you have wasted time that so much work is left not done.

May all beings be happy.

 

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There’s Always A Light – ranting

There’s always a light
In the dark. Open your eyes
While you’ve got your time.

Singapore – throwback flood in my apartment last week

My apartment was flooded because of a bursting pipe joint in the kitchen. I was so panicky with the joint pipe bang sounding like an explosion, when I ran to the kitchen the pipe strongly sprayed water – hot water! Bloody hell! It was the hottest shower I’ve ever had in my life.

I could not find the valve to stop the water flow. Water had reached the living room and kitchen balcony. I threw all pillow from the sofa and all big towels in the drawer to the kitchen door to hold the water. I didn’t know what to do! I said to myself: My neighbour!

I felt desperate as I didn’t know anyone in the 15th floor. They never open their doors. But I was so lucky that #2 door was open and I saw a man, a woman and a small girl.

Long story short the husband ran in to my home, while I ran downstairs to the facility office to get help to close the external valve for my apartment water supply. It took 20 minutes to stop the hot water flood. Hot water!!!

When the facility lady reached my apartment (with me) my neighbour was wet like hell in my kitchen holding the piping joint. He looked so desperate but tried to behave fine and calm.

I felt so guilty especially when he helped me put a complaint on the valve thing. The wife kindly told me that they will help me follow up if anything the same happens again. What a kind couple! Thank you!

The apartment management took the blame and sent a handy man on the same day. And the next week my regular handyman came to check the whole piping to find and fix the error.

It was one bad day in my July but also the best – in the hot water flood I finally got to know my neighbour, a Malaysian young couple with one baby daughter. They said they love traveling to Indonesia and I said I go to Malaysia every month in normal situation. We agreed to check each other once in a while as good neighbours; I now knew that they also have missed to “have neighbours” like their original culture in Malaysia. Ya, it is slightly difficult to know our neighbours in this type structure of living spaces. The next door neighbour of mine only opened their door and stared at us with empty eyes seeing me panicky running to the lift to go to facility office; he didn’t even ask “What happened? What can I help?” Oh my goodness! How I miss a friendly neighbourhood. I’m sure I’ll have it, I’ll have it!

May all beings be happy.

No picture, no video was taken due to panic Attack. 😶

AirPods – tanka

I hope you’re AirPods,
Listening to my love songs
From far far away….
But you’re not AirPods. Your heart
Is frozen by arrogance.

Singapore – July 23, 2020 / 23:22

—-

When human technology is lame and degrading, they don’t believe anymore with the unseen signs that they can only feel through taste granted to Self…. Many human only believe in the limited five senses that won’t work just because of a wall standing tall. You know now, dear Love…. that you’re not better than my AirPods. I’m crying because of that fact but I don’t care anymore as long as my AirPods can help me listen to my own Love songs from my machine that stands tall in my living room while I’m cooking in the kitchen….

Thanks my AirPods and those who have worked together to deliver them to my silent heart….

May all beings be happy.

 

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I’m Less Than A Dust – haiku

I’m less than a dust
But bigger than galaxy.
Would you please accept?

Some people just wanna stay at one point, forever good, forever winning. Two chances: impossible and improbable combined in a giant jar of lottery

Can you just accept that some people can’t accept your being a dust? Others can’t accept your being galaxy and the other small portion can accept you swinging between these two realities. Take the last group to be your true friends coz they will know when to speak bitter truth to see who you are and when to just throw you sugar-coated appraisals to cajole you in challenging situation.

Be dust and be galaxy
Never forget that you are dust in the galaxy at times,
And galaxy full of dust at others….

May all beings be happy.

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Against Gravity

As if I’m not there.
Floating— I’m a drone over
You, who never cares.

Singapore – July 14, 2020 / 20:24

—-

Expectation is like gravity to a plane that is taking off leaving the runway. Fly away to the destination! Expectation will only overkill your dream especially if the one that you want is not the one that can appreciate sincerity.

May all beings be happy.

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