Marriage

Married, Beloved,
To your shadow that follows
Wherever I go.

Divorced, Beloved,
From your doubt that hunts and haunts
Wherever I hide.

β€”-

One very long chat decorated a night. A childhood friend did sharing about what she had experienced when we were away for about 10 years, busy with our own life. This is her promise to tell the full story after giving hints and looking puzzled when meeting me.

She married thrice. First husband died of illness. Second abused and cheated her and so they divorced. Third one, this one has brought a lot of stories and enlightenment.

How she finally decided the third after the traumatic second has strengthened about my own lesson in life – acceptance. How she lets a seemingly perfect person be with her imperfect figure does add amazement about one of my loyalist. How she ignores words and stares from people disapproving her behaviours has told me she is still girl going foraging in the wild with me in our lively early age.

She hit me with some bitter comments about my complicated points. She ridiculed me for being so guarding and distant from risking broken heart to happen. She also highlighted how her love transforms to friendship that I would have not believed can happen to her – she is not a β€œfriendship-friendly” type of person, she is a snapping turtle πŸ˜‘

There are things she has regretted about all 3 decisions but the regret has brought her to a final realisation that her life has shaped her into a composed, mature woman strong yet flexible enough to be beautifully bent by the hardship of life. The pain pays off, she said. What a beautiful creature my dear friend is! 😘😘😘

This weekend has given me another package of lessons from our childhood. A blast from the past!

Weekend is still long. I’d better have more fun!

May all beings be happy! πŸ™πŸΌ

the commitment on paper needs realisation in 3 dimension reality with soul and trust – red torii in progress

Time Is Uniquely Experienced

Breathing in
Breathing out
The air is flowing
Pumping freshness to the blood
Pushing the recyclable out.

Time units are agreed.
If passed, something is overdone.
If missed, something is given up.
If right on, moment is created.

Breath is my chosen time unit
That I prudently save
Between two points
That I travel in.

How many will I take?
I don’t even know
Or how many have I taken?
I’ve lost count.

It’s as accurate as your digital timepiece,
Or as elegant as your mechanical winding.
Our time is as precious,
Yet we count with different tools.

Alas!
Don’t ask me to walk faster
Just because you run.
Don’t tell me to stay put
Just because you sit.

Life is short
Yet expensive to lament
If we don’t cross the path,
It’s simply because of
Simple word:
Decision
Because
Fate sometimes doesn’t seem to fit.
Whose decision?
I don’t know.
I’ll just breathe
Until the sun moves in reverse.

β€”-

Back to work very soon 😎

breathing in beauty, breathing out peace

Do!

Balance, Beloved
Not about same measurementβ€”
It’s the harmony.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

Let’s be fair, dear Self. Are you 1 kg of feathers or 1 kg of gold?

Let’s be honest. Do you prefer 2-week laundry to wash or 2-week laundry to iron?

Challenging choices to be aligned with immediate happiness

πŸ€ΉπŸΌβ€β™€οΈ

Blβ€”dy he—❣️

this is a true disaster! the surface of my universe πŸ¦ΈπŸ»β€β™€οΈ

About Her

In love, Beloved,
With life witnessed by flowers
That bloom in my heart.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

I love but also don’t love myself.

flowing down
flowing in

I Trust You

Know not, Beloved
This path about to end when
And where. I trust you.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”-

Trust is what she’s been holding tight because without it she’s lost the grip against so much magnetic force around that will pull her into a gaping hole, where greediness can consume anyone till no end.

Thanks, Beloved, for giving me a life that’s imperfect but perfectly humbling me in many ways.

I trust You; voluntarily or forcefully.

πŸ’ž

a song that touches my heart like a tiny leaf falling on a placid lake πŸ’ thank you

The Director

Her life, Beloved,
Perfectly-directed film
Ready for Oscarsβ€”

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

She sometimes forgets that life is a performed script in which she is casted to act out a given role the best she can. She should follow the director’s direction and directive.

What about spectators? She should ignore spectators. Spectators are stars whose job is to see and comment on the film. And they pay for what they see and comment. The payment goes to the stars!

So, dear Star. Fix your moves. Better your expression. Tag your ears with the melody. Live in harmony, with your own self like Javanese Bedhaya performers who are meditatively drowned in the sacred composition.

Oscars are waiting.…

…. Only if you play all out!

Heart and soul dancing through body πŸ’ž

Alhamdulillah 🌻

The Director from Pinterest
Bedhaya, the epitome of Javanese dance

Beauty

Wasted it’s never
If blooming or not. Pretty
In its full cycle.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

Blessed again with 5 beautiful flower stems, accompanied by other beautiful growing not blooming orchids.

Beauty is not only in the flower. It is in the root, leaves, keiki, pot and their presence everyday.

Salaam.

🐣

balcony #1
balcony #2
balcony #3
bathroom window sill #1
bathroom window sill #2

A She In Words

A she, Beloved,
Is far and near, clear and blur,
But not true or false.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

Some people describe something so beautifully that others feel found and blessed. Those people are called the wise.

Weekend is rich with memes and kitchen; a bit chaotic with laundry and rain. Like a she she is! 🀩

All memes: from Pinterest

Rose Garden

Garden, Beloved,
Fertilized with poisons? Dead!
Cinder rose goes off.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

A group call with my brother and sister in law is mostly either stupid or crazy. Once we talked about the old time passing and our addiction.

How someone gets addicted to something is mostly started from a physical or mental exit of painβ€” either clinically prescribed or personally decidedβ€” followed by excessive dependency on the substances or the activities.

I’ve seen how people addicted to medicine (I was to pain killer), drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc have changed from beautiful human beings into ugly persons either physically or mentally. It’s how awful co-dependency shapes someone’s life. Moreover, there is no addiction in any history that brings true happiness or freedom.

Three of us then discussed about someone who was addicted to something unusual: spiritual drills. Having all resources, the person went shopping on various classes and workshops about spirituality and self help such as meditation, mindfulness, tapping therapy, money magnet and how to optimise it spiritually, how to activate chakra, yoga and blahblahblah, gemstones and their spiritual power, mandala and spiritual awakening, how spiritual life pull financial abundance, spiritual traveling around many places, etc. One had been in one’s 60th class last time we met. One would be able to answer all questions in any possible ways. I called one β€˜Mr/Ms Know All’, a euphemistic nick name that might be loved by those addicted to power and authority. Some friends called this person β€œMr/Ms Spiritual Junky”.

What I remember about this person is that no one around was genuinely appreciated, everyone was just a β€œwho-are-you-you-think-you’re-better-than-me”. One called most of one’s friends β€œcantrik”, a Javanese word that literally means follower/helper and would never be up to one’s level (one called one’s self healer and universe map reader).

How ironic! From someone who were full of compassion to someone who were full of envy and insecurityβ€”

I think many if not all people to some extent were once addict who learned the lessons and changed the patterns to be free from co-dependency. My brother was a heavy smoker, been stopping for around 3 years. My sister in law was a Korean drama freak and quit. I myself was addicted to those I fell for and heavily overthinking.

β€œI almost got addicted to someone again.”

β€œLet go! Let go! Let go!” said they to me like cheerleaders.

Definitely! It’s a waste to wait for emotionally unavailable people to care that I care about them. I’m ok to get soaked in love and compassion but not in addiction to people. πŸ’

Addiction, oh addiction.

Alfatihah to all of those who are addicted to anything in any situation. Be healed and blessed.

are they addicted to gadget or hugs? so clingy, damn…. πŸ˜‚

Addiction to technology?

cinder rose, dusty pink πŸ₯° from Pinterest

Madly In Love

Was madly in love,
Still am…. Realm is the limit.
…. With you, Belovedβ€”

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

Where is the end of love journey? Either hopelessness or time πŸ’

Alfatihah πŸ’•

love poem of Nizar Qabbani

Nizar Qabbani

Fish Of Murky Water

Murky, Beloved,
That pool’s full of mud and smell.
Enough to kill fishβ€”

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

There is a proverb in Indonesian β€œada udang di balik batu” literally β€œthere are shrimps behind the rocks” that means there is a hidden (fishy) agenda.

I’ve received some invites from β€œunclear” people in Instagram, most are men that I believe scammers trying to lure a victim whatever they are aiming at from me; maybe as simple as attention or most probably money. And how did I feel? Disturbed? Not at all. Scammers are equivalent with friends with hidden (fishy) agendaβ€” they are sources of entertainment either directly connected or just ignored.

God bless you all scammers. You’ll find a way to get a big money with your work, plus the logical consequences but not from me.

May all beings be happy.

barbecued pomfret – finally the fish (not from murky water) was served after some situational vegetarian period πŸ₯°
sambal dabu-dabu, a specialty from Manado, North Sulawesi, Indonesia – I can never finish the archipelago culinary experience πŸ₯°

Time Takes Side

Time flows, Beloved,
To an estuary of hope.
Time flows, Beloved,
To the eternity sea.
Won’t be long before we meetβ€”

Time flows, Beloved
To you through me. White beacon
Blinks red at low tide.
Wind says the woodlands miss me.
Time flows, Beloved. Thank you.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

Don’t take too long a time to fix an issue. Time wisely travels with those willing to appreciate a journey through action taking along with wisdom harvesting. Otherwise, it will bulldoze what’s not solved.

Dear January. I know you’ll transform with me who doesn’t want remedial lessons next year.

Thank you, 2021. Welcome, 2022.

Bismillaahirrahmaanirrahiem….

πŸ’

nothing is forever, let go of all that are not serving for my highest good either interest or ambition
no one is perfect, accept the dark side of my own self and learn all lessons either pleasant or unpleasant
balance is feasible only when mental detachment and appropriate acceptance are achieved, I claim the balance
I’m ok, dude…. You’re not? 🀠

Cane And Root

No cane, root can be.
Woods’re a case where food’s stored
Use your axe and fire.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

My fridge had not much for me to cook. There was only green here and there. Alamak! What to do?

Limitation is where creativity waits to be picked. Let’s do the experiment. Just don’t burn the kitchen.

Ahhhh! My roasted potato and pumpkin soup turned to be exactly the same as those served in 5-star restaurant. Really? Might not be but…. Sorry, my tongue comments what my tongue tastes. 😁

Alhamdulillah. May all beings be happy.

situational vegetarian – no meat, cook what’s left! 😁
not much in the case, while I’m hungry! 😌

My Doors

A door, Beloved,
Reflects a host. Open, shut,
To which wind sources.
Or affects a host? Can be.
Decision and reflectionβ€”

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

Know your door, Beloved. Some winds are good and calming, some strong and disturbing. Not all winds should be welcomed. Close your door if you’re not ready with cleaning and tidying in your home.

😎

These five senses are doors, too.

Welcome, Tuesday! I’m welcoming you with warm heart because you’re a nice wind to this home.

πŸƒ

gebyok entrance – Javanese traditional teak wood art

Some Healthy Days

Fasting, Beloved,
A space where you’re meeting me
To interpret life.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

Fasting is a very common practice for a Javanese. I started at six but saw the real benefits of fasting only at 20’s. At 30’s for around 5 years I skipped recommended fasting due to congested biz trip schedule before finally I realised of losing good healthy days.

Intermittent fasting has helped me a lot with heart health management. There are more benefits though for those who are in either good or bad health. Hundreds of journals and articles about it are easy to browse in the Net.

Side effects? For those not familiar with fasting, they will get lethargic or headaches in the first some days (for me not at all), dried lips (come on, you can put lip balm) or the worst probably people will get cranky when hungry 😁

To a rather romantic person intermittent fasting is a space where one can contemplate about life, love, problem before finally laughing or at least smiling with or without tears finding that everything is not coincidentally met. Everything is systematically designed, reasonably put, no coincident, no accident. And space is where one can see the broken pieces come into a big picture.

Just need a space. I respect your space. 😎

May all beings be happy.

today’s breakfast in the intermittent fasting – lekker!

Intermittent Fasting Benefits

Play Wise

How time flies!
How age discolours hair,
Folds skin,
Accumulates fat,
Shortens eyesight,
Softens muscles,
Weakens body.
Damn!

How life dives!
How age develops mind,
Broadens horizon,
Wises up perception,
Deepens empathy,
Harden willingness,
Strengthens compassion.
Hell yeah!

Don’t play wise, Fool. Your hair needs dyeing soon!

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”-

I was an old soul. Now I am just old. 😌

sweating through brisk walking and jogging, the grey refused to hide – stubborn old hair! 😎

Aromatic Evening

Coffee and cacao
Who won’t love their aroma?
Combined, it’s greater!

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”-

After a full day, I decided to try a recipe that has invited me since forever. Steamed cake – coffee, cacao with a bit of cheese!

I’m not a fans of cheese and coffee but chocolate has been the love of my life since I didn’t even know chocolate was concocted from cacao seeds whose trees were grown in the front yard of Bu Har, the Art teacher in junior high school.

It’s always exciting to find sweet memories in bits of your work.

Tada!

I’m proud of making steamed cake with (almost) tiramisu flavour! πŸ₯°
yum yum!
fresh from the steamer, evening after a long day 😍
the start is relatively tidy and clean
the end needs some sweet touch 😩

Forever

A strand of white pearls
Harvested in the deep sea
Bedazzles her neck.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

There is time when I regret of what’s done and nervous about what will happen. Why did I do that? I should have done this. What if I fail again? I am not good enough.

I used to think money was everything with happiness but I prove that money is the biggest illusion in life that I misunderstood. Now I consider money should be merely a tool, never a purpose. Yet I still think of what if my company stock price decreases? 😁

I used to look for happiness and protection in a relationship. With experiences I become strongly convinced that only a healthy relationship with the self can help me cope with problems; moreover, without healthy relation with my self any relationship with others won’t work well. Yet I still don’t heal from broken heart easily and still think whether or not I will meet someone I can share some simple happiness and shelter with.

I was between life and death situations more than once for some illness before, and so helpless about future. And gradually I realise that death can come anytime even when people are healthy. Yet I still hope I die when I let go of any confusion and live in clarity.

However, there is time when I know that only in the now I can accept everything. In the now I can shed tears with mixture of gratefulness for what’s breaking my heart and blessings of what’s boosting the quality of life. In the now I can smile just by seeing piling laundry waiting for ironing. In the now I can see the canvas is the door of self healing. In the now I can imagine sending a cake full of love for my loved ones who live in many different places, whom I cannot visit with many reasons. In the now I can see shades of real and true happiness in each and every experience from wake up to sleep.

Thank you for the now and now and now that form a strand of pearls called forever.

I live forever until the last now meets with the first now.

Al Fatihah to all of my loved ones across the oceans. I bless you happiness.

Salaam….

back on track, contemplating with colours
do things with love, the definition of love? enjoying good things to the fullest or, in bad time enjoying the process with patience πŸ’
thank you, Emily for the message πŸͺΆπŸ™πŸ½

It’s All About Becoming

Magic, Beloved,
Not just spells. It’s click and twist
Within time and space.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

I thought magic was a split second materialisation of what were wished. Years ago I believed that The Most Powerful would make things in just a blink of an eye. With millions of disclosure and exposure, magical things have become something natural. Everything can be interpreted as miracle as much as it can be considered ordinary.

Magic is a mechanisation in the universe in which processes and timelines cannot be denied. Sooner or later….

May all beings be happy.

Setting