The Director

Her life, Beloved,
Perfectly-directed film
Ready for Oscars—

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She sometimes forgets that life is a performed script in which she is casted to act out a given role the best she can. She should follow the director’s direction and directive.

What about spectators? She should ignore spectators. Spectators are stars whose job is to see and comment on the film. And they pay for what they see and comment. The payment goes to the stars!

So, dear Star. Fix your moves. Better your expression. Tag your ears with the melody. Live in harmony, with your own self like Javanese Bedhaya performers who are meditatively drowned in the sacred composition.

Oscars are waiting.…

…. Only if you play all out!

Heart and soul dancing through body 💞

Alhamdulillah 🌻

The Director from Pinterest
Bedhaya, the epitome of Javanese dance

Beauty

Wasted it’s never
If blooming or not. Pretty
In its full cycle.

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Blessed again with 5 beautiful flower stems, accompanied by other beautiful growing not blooming orchids.

Beauty is not only in the flower. It is in the root, leaves, keiki, pot and their presence everyday.

Salaam.

🐣

balcony #1
balcony #2
balcony #3
bathroom window sill #1
bathroom window sill #2

A She In Words

A she, Beloved,
Is far and near, clear and blur,
But not true or false.

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Some people describe something so beautifully that others feel found and blessed. Those people are called the wise.

Weekend is rich with memes and kitchen; a bit chaotic with laundry and rain. Like a she she is! 🤩

All memes: from Pinterest

Rose Garden

Garden, Beloved,
Fertilized with poisons? Dead!
Cinder rose goes off.

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A group call with my brother and sister in law is mostly either stupid or crazy. Once we talked about the old time passing and our addiction.

How someone gets addicted to something is mostly started from a physical or mental exit of pain— either clinically prescribed or personally decided— followed by excessive dependency on the substances or the activities.

I’ve seen how people addicted to medicine (I was to pain killer), drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc have changed from beautiful human beings into ugly persons either physically or mentally. It’s how awful co-dependency shapes someone’s life. Moreover, there is no addiction in any history that brings true happiness or freedom.

Three of us then discussed about someone who was addicted to something unusual: spiritual drills. Having all resources, the person went shopping on various classes and workshops about spirituality and self help such as meditation, mindfulness, tapping therapy, money magnet and how to optimise it spiritually, how to activate chakra, yoga and blahblahblah, gemstones and their spiritual power, mandala and spiritual awakening, how spiritual life pull financial abundance, spiritual traveling around many places, etc. One had been in one’s 60th class last time we met. One would be able to answer all questions in any possible ways. I called one ‘Mr/Ms Know All’, a euphemistic nick name that might be loved by those addicted to power and authority. Some friends called this person “Mr/Ms Spiritual Junky”.

What I remember about this person is that no one around was genuinely appreciated, everyone was just a “who-are-you-you-think-you’re-better-than-me”. One called most of one’s friends “cantrik”, a Javanese word that literally means follower/helper and would never be up to one’s level (one called one’s self healer and universe map reader).

How ironic! From someone who were full of compassion to someone who were full of envy and insecurity—

I think many if not all people to some extent were once addict who learned the lessons and changed the patterns to be free from co-dependency. My brother was a heavy smoker, been stopping for around 3 years. My sister in law was a Korean drama freak and quit. I myself was addicted to those I fell for and heavily overthinking.

“I almost got addicted to someone again.”

“Let go! Let go! Let go!” said they to me like cheerleaders.

Definitely! It’s a waste to wait for emotionally unavailable people to care that I care about them. I’m ok to get soaked in love and compassion but not in addiction to people. 💝

Addiction, oh addiction.

Alfatihah to all of those who are addicted to anything in any situation. Be healed and blessed.

are they addicted to gadget or hugs? so clingy, damn…. 😂

Addiction to technology?

cinder rose, dusty pink 🥰 from Pinterest

Madly In Love

Was madly in love,
Still am…. Realm is the limit.
…. With you, Beloved—

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Where is the end of love journey? Either hopelessness or time 💝

Alfatihah 💕

love poem of Nizar Qabbani

Nizar Qabbani

Fish Of Murky Water

Murky, Beloved,
That pool’s full of mud and smell.
Enough to kill fish—

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There is a proverb in Indonesian “ada udang di balik batu” literally “there are shrimps behind the rocks” that means there is a hidden (fishy) agenda.

I’ve received some invites from “unclear” people in Instagram, most are men that I believe scammers trying to lure a victim whatever they are aiming at from me; maybe as simple as attention or most probably money. And how did I feel? Disturbed? Not at all. Scammers are equivalent with friends with hidden (fishy) agenda— they are sources of entertainment either directly connected or just ignored.

God bless you all scammers. You’ll find a way to get a big money with your work, plus the logical consequences but not from me.

May all beings be happy.

barbecued pomfret – finally the fish (not from murky water) was served after some situational vegetarian period 🥰
sambal dabu-dabu, a specialty from Manado, North Sulawesi, Indonesia – I can never finish the archipelago culinary experience 🥰

Time Takes Side

Time flows, Beloved,
To an estuary of hope.
Time flows, Beloved,
To the eternity sea.
Won’t be long before we meet—

Time flows, Beloved
To you through me. White beacon
Blinks red at low tide.
Wind says the woodlands miss me.
Time flows, Beloved. Thank you.

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Don’t take too long a time to fix an issue. Time wisely travels with those willing to appreciate a journey through action taking along with wisdom harvesting. Otherwise, it will bulldoze what’s not solved.

Dear January. I know you’ll transform with me who doesn’t want remedial lessons next year.

Thank you, 2021. Welcome, 2022.

Bismillaahirrahmaanirrahiem….

💝

nothing is forever, let go of all that are not serving for my highest good either interest or ambition
no one is perfect, accept the dark side of my own self and learn all lessons either pleasant or unpleasant
balance is feasible only when mental detachment and appropriate acceptance are achieved, I claim the balance
I’m ok, dude…. You’re not? 🤠

Cane And Root

No cane, root can be.
Woods’re a case where food’s stored
Use your axe and fire.

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My fridge had not much for me to cook. There was only green here and there. Alamak! What to do?

Limitation is where creativity waits to be picked. Let’s do the experiment. Just don’t burn the kitchen.

Ahhhh! My roasted potato and pumpkin soup turned to be exactly the same as those served in 5-star restaurant. Really? Might not be but…. Sorry, my tongue comments what my tongue tastes. 😁

Alhamdulillah. May all beings be happy.

situational vegetarian – no meat, cook what’s left! 😁
not much in the case, while I’m hungry! 😌

My Doors

A door, Beloved,
Reflects a host. Open, shut,
To which wind sources.
Or affects a host? Can be.
Decision and reflection—

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Know your door, Beloved. Some winds are good and calming, some strong and disturbing. Not all winds should be welcomed. Close your door if you’re not ready with cleaning and tidying in your home.

😎

These five senses are doors, too.

Welcome, Tuesday! I’m welcoming you with warm heart because you’re a nice wind to this home.

🍃

gebyok entrance – Javanese traditional teak wood art

Some Healthy Days

Fasting, Beloved,
A space where you’re meeting me
To interpret life.

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Fasting is a very common practice for a Javanese. I started at six but saw the real benefits of fasting only at 20’s. At 30’s for around 5 years I skipped recommended fasting due to congested biz trip schedule before finally I realised of losing good healthy days.

Intermittent fasting has helped me a lot with heart health management. There are more benefits though for those who are in either good or bad health. Hundreds of journals and articles about it are easy to browse in the Net.

Side effects? For those not familiar with fasting, they will get lethargic or headaches in the first some days (for me not at all), dried lips (come on, you can put lip balm) or the worst probably people will get cranky when hungry 😁

To a rather romantic person intermittent fasting is a space where one can contemplate about life, love, problem before finally laughing or at least smiling with or without tears finding that everything is not coincidentally met. Everything is systematically designed, reasonably put, no coincident, no accident. And space is where one can see the broken pieces come into a big picture.

Just need a space. I respect your space. 😎

May all beings be happy.

today’s breakfast in the intermittent fasting – lekker!

Intermittent Fasting Benefits

Play Wise

How time flies!
How age discolours hair,
Folds skin,
Accumulates fat,
Shortens eyesight,
Softens muscles,
Weakens body.
Damn!

How life dives!
How age develops mind,
Broadens horizon,
Wises up perception,
Deepens empathy,
Harden willingness,
Strengthens compassion.
Hell yeah!

Don’t play wise, Fool. Your hair needs dyeing soon!

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I was an old soul. Now I am just old. 😌

sweating through brisk walking and jogging, the grey refused to hide – stubborn old hair! 😎

Aromatic Evening

Coffee and cacao
Who won’t love their aroma?
Combined, it’s greater!

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After a full day, I decided to try a recipe that has invited me since forever. Steamed cake – coffee, cacao with a bit of cheese!

I’m not a fans of cheese and coffee but chocolate has been the love of my life since I didn’t even know chocolate was concocted from cacao seeds whose trees were grown in the front yard of Bu Har, the Art teacher in junior high school.

It’s always exciting to find sweet memories in bits of your work.

Tada!

I’m proud of making steamed cake with (almost) tiramisu flavour! 🥰
yum yum!
fresh from the steamer, evening after a long day 😍
the start is relatively tidy and clean
the end needs some sweet touch 😩

Forever

A strand of white pearls
Harvested in the deep sea
Bedazzles her neck.

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There is time when I regret of what’s done and nervous about what will happen. Why did I do that? I should have done this. What if I fail again? I am not good enough.

I used to think money was everything with happiness but I prove that money is the biggest illusion in life that I misunderstood. Now I consider money should be merely a tool, never a purpose. Yet I still think of what if my company stock price decreases? 😁

I used to look for happiness and protection in a relationship. With experiences I become strongly convinced that only a healthy relationship with the self can help me cope with problems; moreover, without healthy relation with my self any relationship with others won’t work well. Yet I still don’t heal from broken heart easily and still think whether or not I will meet someone I can share some simple happiness and shelter with.

I was between life and death situations more than once for some illness before, and so helpless about future. And gradually I realise that death can come anytime even when people are healthy. Yet I still hope I die when I let go of any confusion and live in clarity.

However, there is time when I know that only in the now I can accept everything. In the now I can shed tears with mixture of gratefulness for what’s breaking my heart and blessings of what’s boosting the quality of life. In the now I can smile just by seeing piling laundry waiting for ironing. In the now I can see the canvas is the door of self healing. In the now I can imagine sending a cake full of love for my loved ones who live in many different places, whom I cannot visit with many reasons. In the now I can see shades of real and true happiness in each and every experience from wake up to sleep.

Thank you for the now and now and now that form a strand of pearls called forever.

I live forever until the last now meets with the first now.

Al Fatihah to all of my loved ones across the oceans. I bless you happiness.

Salaam….

back on track, contemplating with colours
do things with love, the definition of love? enjoying good things to the fullest or, in bad time enjoying the process with patience 💝
thank you, Emily for the message 🪶🙏🏽

It’s All About Becoming

Magic, Beloved,
Not just spells. It’s click and twist
Within time and space.

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I thought magic was a split second materialisation of what were wished. Years ago I believed that The Most Powerful would make things in just a blink of an eye. With millions of disclosure and exposure, magical things have become something natural. Everything can be interpreted as miracle as much as it can be considered ordinary.

Magic is a mechanisation in the universe in which processes and timelines cannot be denied. Sooner or later….

May all beings be happy.

Setting

Free Day

Rest day, Beloved,
Free— Stay away from workplace.
Let it be messy.

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Just wanna be free, don’t care about dirty house and all the mess. Just wanna take time to do nothing—

Welcome Saturday night! Let’s browse recipe for Sunday! 😎

leaving weekend as weekend, without touching anything at that corner

Attributing You

How perfect you are,
99.
I’m the 1 completing the reality.
And so we are completed,
100!

Life is blessed when the heart is loaded and bedazzled with three gemstones of the beautiful names and attributes of God: the amethyst of Ar-Rahman (the beneficent), the emerald of Ar-Rahiem (the merciful) and the rose quartz of Al-Latif (the subtle one, the most gentle).

It’s a personal interpretation; don’t quote me.

People say that the quality of God can’t be bounded with the beauty of any but at the same time it can in order to attribute God with something sensuously beautiful at the same time symbolising some characters. I chose gemstone. Why not flowers, why gemstones? Let it be

The three qualities are those projected to be. Someday —not sure when— I’ll acceptably be. Not sure when….

Enchanting those three attributes without thinking what religions I’m holding has been helpful to cope with many challenges especially facing those contesting and/or underestimating. Forgive them, love them and keep gentle in the heart— how much ever tough the argument is, be gentle in the heart; how much ever confrontation to be tackled, be gentle in the heart; how much ever firm intonation to be uttered, be gentle in the heart. At the end it is not winning an argument that’s important; it is accepting the learning process the bounties. Gorgeous and precious as gemstones—

So thankful to be a human being, being able to wildly interpret what might be rigidly believed by others, being able to move meaning from where beauty is rigidly defined to wherever a defined beauty can be criticised. That’s a privilege only for those who have enough space for being humane — take learning step, one by one….

In this crowded world, the safest sanctuary is being one’s self where those that I know don’t really care and those that I care don’t really know.

May I have another gemstone? 🤨

May all beings be happy….

counting the blessings – thanks for everything.

Nuts!

Nuts ‘bout you she is,
Doesn’t mind if you know not.
Beautifully wrapped
By the hard shell from nature;
Sweetly tasted in silence—

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Life is uniquely designed to be experienced differently to taste the same reality. This sweet is that sweet and it is called sweet….

….with spectrum of sweetness spread from zero to infinity

Is that?

a ramekin of nuts – crunchy, sweet, hard-shelled, softly-textured

A Tree, A Friend

Dear tree, wait for her.
She’s caught up but will come back
To give you big hug.
Not that you miss her hugging.
It’s she missing your stillness.

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Some friends are so loyal that they still touch your heart even without talking to you.

Thanks to a friend from a distance for her humble wisdom every now and then, for inspiring me silently….

a friend happily inspires one’s friends silently 🙏🏼

Scenery, A Beauty That Prisons

Where are you, oh dear?
Mountains and oceans are passed
By with beauty glued
As memory. Beloved,
Where’s the next stop? Peek a boo!

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When I was young; I joined spiritual workshop, class, training; read spiritual books, journal, articles; listened to spiritual preaching, cassettes, radio programs; name more —mostly informal, some non-formal, one formal not finished oh I’m blessed that It wasn’t. Whenever I was asked why I did, I would say “I wanna know God.”

Hopeless popus!*

Has anyone experienced this looking-sophisticated-but-actually-comical thing? Thanks God (s/he’d like to be censored actually) I’m not alone in this zero to zigzagging journey— from being very excitedly curious to being a drunken master. 🤪

What a blessed journey it was!
If I’m supposed to tell that young me when starting through the reading of those looking-sophisticated-yet-actually-comical random materials, I would say “Hey, Lady Haha! You should have a map but a destination is paramount!”

And I still feel so blessed!

May all haha moments be deciphered. 😊

* refer to the video of “How To Dad” in “How To Teach A Kid Curse Words”.

a pinch of salt to my life, no pepper though