Tersandung Cahaya – pengingat (Indonesian)

Tak akan lepas dari ingatanku kutipan dari seorang guru: Sesama murid dilarang memberikan rapot. Artinya, tidak perlu menilai orang-lain dalam perjalanan ini. Masing-masing memanggul salipnya sendiri, setiap diri menangisi lukanya, beban dan segala derita yang didukungnya sendiri. Tak elok menganggap bebanmu lebih berat dan hebat daripada yang lain — menangis dalam diam menelan tapi tertawa saat ada yang mengajak melihat lebih tajam meminjam mata sesama.

Pun, ketika kau melihat diri sebagai pembawa cahaya.
Lalu kau menilai siapa yang membawa cahaya dan siapa yang membawa kegelapan, kau puja pembawa cahaya (versimu) dan kau sentil pembawa kegelapan (versimu). Aduhai, lalu kau menjadi pengamat gelap-terang. Seakan kau paling gape tentang gelap dan terang-Nya.

Kepahitanmu sendiri tak kau tilik, sedangkan rasa di sekitarmu harus menutup diri supaya tak mengendusnya.
Kebijaksanaanmu bagai puncak ilmu, sedangkan rasa di sekitarmu harus memicingkan mata memahami kebenarannya.
Kehalus-budianmu bagai elusan malaikat, sedangkan rasa di sekitarmu bagai tercucuk duri-duri tajam sakit linu ngilu hingga di dasar jiwa.
Kebahagiaanmu bagai warna pelangi, sedangkan rasa di sekitarmu ketakutan kehilangan warna karena tak mampu mengekspresikan diri secara merdeka.

Tapi kupaham, ini hanya spectrum cahaya.
Biar dipandang sebagai spectrum gelap-Nya. Tiada mengapa….
Aku tinggal di sini, di gelap-Nya supaya dapat menonton yang sedang dikucuri kemenangan akan kesadaran cahaya. Aku ada di kesadaran spectrum lainnya dan aku bahagia. Tiada mengapa….
Kubahagia untuk kalian….

Bagaimana jika nanti kau terkurung gelap?
Bagaimana jika tersandung cahaya?
…. Jika ternyata kau terserimpet cahayamu sendiri?

Mengapa tak pernah kau panggil aku ke rengkuhanmu sebelum kau caci?
…. tak kau sapa aku sebelum kau hakimi?
…. tak kau tanyai sebelum kau namai?
Cahayamu mulai nyerimpet dari awal perjalanan kita.
Terlalu silau lalu menyilapkan.
Terlalu dekat hingga menghanguskan.

Tidak ada sesal di rasaku.
Tidak ada maaf akan kukirimkan,
Sebelum kau dapatkan cerlang dari gelapku.

Biar kubahagiai cahayamu.
Sampai kau temukan spectrum yang bening untuk menengok dirimu sendiri, rasamu sendiri.

Runtuh satu pilarmu.
Kurengkuh diriku sendiri, kupersembahkan pada Kanjeng Nabi. Dalam sunyi.

Lagi, kuingat kata guruku “dilarang memberi rapot pada sesama murid” dan akan kulakukan selama aku dalam spectrum cahaya-Nya.

Duh Gusti, mugi paringo ing margi kaleresan
Kados margining menungso kang manggih kanikmatan
Sanes margining menungso kang paduko la’nati

Shollu ‘alaa Sayyidinaa Muhammad….

Temasek – 13 Mei 2018 – 02:07 pagi

Spectrum.2400.1800.S.G

Picture borrowed from Wikipedia.org/wiki/Datei:Spectrum.2400.1800.S.G.png

 

Bold Petals – haiku

Bold petals of red
Roses among thorns dry out
By the Wind of North.

GH Jakarta — May 8, 2018

Dry red rose in autumn garden top view. Flower in fall season sad autumn mood. Wilted rose flower closeup above view shot with copyspace.

https://www.123rf.com/photo_64952693_beautiful-dark-red-rose-in-the-garden-selective-focus-vintage-color-dying-plant-in-autumn-sad-fall-m.html?fromid=b2FvVE5zTW5DRTJwRm93ZFJsV0FOZz09

How – ranting

I’m almost 50?
Gosh! Am I that near to what is called half a century? it gives me goosebump!
What have I done?
To my beloved parents?
To my beloved sisters?
To my beloved brothers?
To my friends?
To my country?
To humanity?
To….

To myself?

Last month I visited a good friend and found more things about her. She has done so much in her life.
She helped me and her colleagues gro professionally.
She did many things to help people in her industry.
She did so much to her mother especially when her mother was in the deathbed.
She travels to see many places.
She plays piano.
She plays violin.
She plays golf.
She hangs out with friends.
She reads spiritual books.
She always comes up with solutions of problems around her.
She dedicates her life to humanity.
She does many many things that I can even only imagine I can do with my mini courage.

Once I told her “My Friend, I think you will not regret your life when you die.”

And she said “You’re right, Rike. I won’t regret my life when I die. I will die happy because I’ve lived happily.”

She said to me, “Be happy. Do something that you have wanted to do but you haven’t. Hey, what about taking music classes?”

Going out from her apartment, I could not stop thinking of what I should do to make my life meaningful for myself and for those I love that I leave when I die.

Life is short and I’ve gotta do something.

Thanks, my Friend for being and inspiration to me.

I will die happy because I’ve lived happily.

Singapore – April 29, 2018 – 02:39

The picture below is of Fifi (the black and white) and Chocho (the ginger), kittens in my Mom’s home. Chocho died of suffering for his back on April 23, 2018 at around 11:15am Jakarta time. Thank you, Chocho for telling me over and over again that you lived happily and died happy. Thank you, my dear kitten. See you across the rainbow bridge….

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Faces – haiku

Facets and faces
On diamonds and humans are
Overt covert beauty —

===

Can you see the real things behind the things? You might be able or not but the thing is there you know it or not. Existence is not about the humans’ ability to see through, existence is about that it is there and that’s it. You’ve gotta to reach the fact that you believe what’s true is true, what exists exists without judging what’s true and what exists. My homework for myself.

Temasek – April 28, 2018 – 14:04

Train – haiku

Connected and long,
It moves on a rail towards
A destined station.

===

Like a train, a training is an un-broken chain of programs a trainee should undergo. Trainee shall follow instructions in the assigned modules as guided by the trainer. Alas! Long. Connected. Tested. Goal.

Yet we shall get certified by a licensed party eh?

Singapore – April 27, 2018 – 18:31

Forget – ranting

I’m a frequent flyer, constantly the whole year. I’ve got good frequent flyer points of course but that’s not what I want to share about my flight.

It is how I deal with it is more interesting…. Or annoying?

I used to be an early riser, now I wake up just on time without having spare time to step my feet on the floor gracefully. I just jump up from the bed and rush to the restroom then prepare my next schedule.

With such a hurry, I forget something sometimes. Sometimes is not a good expression — so, let’s say seldom. No, just take sometimes ‘coz seldom means slightly better quality — it’s not though.

Ok, I forget what?

I have some experience when I forget to wear shoes to fly out of Singapore. For vacation, no shoes is ok except for the cold weather but for business trip…. You don’t have a choice but wearing shoes and if you forget your shoes, you’ve gotta buy them or borrow them from heaven knows who and heaven knows it is shoe shop.

Once I forgot bringing shoes and I decided to buy a pair of sneakers that I now have to wear. It was a good chance for me to know that pig skin can be made for shoes. Pigskin is much softer for suede shoes. With the various colours offered, I had no doubt to buy one pair until the shopkeeper said to me “Ma’am, they are made of pig skin. I suggest you not buy them, just to be safe ‘coz we are Muslim”. What?! Then I bought a pair of polyester-base sneakers. Now I think I should have bought the pigskin thing!

Then another time I forgot to bring shoes again. No choice (again), I had to buy a new pair. This time I went to a shoe shop where many leather base shoes are displayed. No pigskin, no sneakers, only boots and nicely-cut female shoes and sandals. I decided to buy loafers that look very elegant.

I wore them for a two-day meeting and an occasion. I was so happy…. Until I realised that I traveled for a business over the weekend with two different agenda: one for in-house meeting and the other one after the weekend for a field tour. A field tour! Then I couldn’t wear my new shoes. Should I buy another pair again?

Lesson learned: never forget. Never forget your shoes. Never forget your trip purpose. One important thing: never forget that you are forgetful now.

Thanks, God for my being forgetful. I’m happy that I’m forgetful so I can just say “I’m sorry I forgot.” Gosh! Now I know why people forgetting is given allowance to skip some duties.

Whoa! I left my toiletries in the hotel room. I forgot again!

Thanks again, God!

Jakarta – April 22, 2018 – 07:00

Picture borrowed from https://m.ebay.com/itm/Mens-Florsheim-Black-Leather-Tassel-Slip-on-Loafer-Shoes-Sz-7-1-2-D-fw226-/152823959836?_mwBanner=1

Chocho – haiku

He’s a yellow cat,
With a hurt back and couldn’t walk.
Much love is showered.

Chocho is one of two kittens that survive of 4 of Mother Prengil. He got an unknown accident that made him not able to walk and just drag his body. I wish I’d be with him to give him medication.

I’m so sorry, Chocho. 💝

GH Jakarta, April 19 2018 – 23:10

Reflection – ranting

Just yesterday I told myself to stop ranting, today I am using the same word “ranting” for my posting title.

Please just consider it a sign that I’ll write longer than haiku, my favorite type of poem.

Ok, so….
I stand in front of mirror everyday, at least twice a day.
And I see the same person, me–
But with different expressions. Sometimes I look ok, sometimes not. Sometimes I look fresher, sometimes dull and duller. Sometimes I look beautiful, sometimes ugly and uglier. But most of all I feel that I can look better than current condition.

Is that normal? Let’s say yes.

The only thing that is not normal is…. How can I say to myself again and again that I can look better than this but then the next day I can feel that I look worse?
Is it because I don’t commit to look better?
Or is it my mind hijacking me?

Whatever.

Let’s do this again: stand in front of the mirror, say to myself “Hey, You. You are you yourself. If you realize that it is yourself, don’t compare yourself to others cause whomever they are you compare yourself with won’t ever reach your level and nor will you to theirs. You have your own pedestal to be you. And they have theirs to be them. Stop feeling more or less. It is you, the best you however you are.”

And, now I’m standing in front of my real reflection.

Does it guarantee I’m a good person?

No…. It is just a ranting old lady. 🙂

Kaohsiung – April 12, 2018 – 19:12

Below is a picture of mine with a giant durian — you’ve gotta see if I am more interesting than the durian hahaha….

patung duren di malaysia

Just cluttering – ranting

Sitting in my tiny bedroom, I felt ache in my chest and said to myself, “Damn! How can I have so many things in my little nest? What am I going to build of those rubbish?”

Books, bottles, containers, clothes and other things were scatterred everywhere, on the floor, on the table, at the shelf, on my bed. Once again, what would I make with all of these? Nothing but an old lady hoarding bric-a-brac.

Please stop myself. Please….

“When I’m going to read my book, I’m confused which book I should read first as all the titles show me all the urgencies in life. When I’m going to write on my diary, I forgot which one is the most recent one as there are at least six different books and sketchbooks that I’ve used so far. When I’m going to iron my clothes, I’m confused which one should I work on first as the piling rags are covering my rooms. Oh my gosh!”

I stopped for a while and looked at my hands.
Only two hands….
What have they done in my life? My two hands have done so much but not so much, — too much unnecessary stuff.

….

Take a deep breath.

….

I have been clutterring and need decluttering.

….

Start with one simple thing. My mind.

…. Declutter my mind.
…. Throw away unnecessary things.
…. Just take what is needed, ignore what is not.
…. Stop talking, start doing.

Stop ranting!

Salam.

RA

Temasek – April 11, 2018 – 00:40

 

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Sugar-coated – haiku

Sweet and red and smooth –
Soft, heartwarming cushions: when
Word’s sugarcoated.

Temasek – March 9, 2018 – 11:41am

When people say good words? It is not always that they mean it to the heart. It can be formal communication that can’t be trusted to the core. Yet good word can also be real, sweet, sincere communication when it is true.

Be true. Be true until you become true blue.