graphs of my Universe
I see
You
In the clarity of evening lake.
I hear
You
Through the whispering midnight wind.
I touch
You
In the warm water I splash at the dawn.
I taste
You
In the green tea I sip in the morning bright.
I smell
You
In the best lunch of the day.
I feel
You
In this throbbing heart in the sweet twilight.
To
You
Across the ocean:
Your
Name is so real,
Why not
Your
Presence?
—
Blessed life, Beloved,
Chains of weeks with good content
Closed with happy ends—
—
Weekend!
Again?
I’ve been curious how many weekends I’ve lived.
Way more than 2000!
Are there more good weekends than not so good ones? After some contemplation the answer is yes! There have been way more good weekends in my life! Thanks to laughter and clumsiness naturally blessed to me.
Hope to live thousands of more healthy weeks and commit to spend them gloriously!
If not given that long? Still enjoy! Or if given too short, negotiate! Don’t disappoint this human being, God. 😶
Rock this weekend!!!
This heart, Beloved,
Vast and deep where I hide you
As bright as daylight—
—-
– Learning to use the word love has never been easy.
– It was not a word what I uttered to people cared so much although loving vibe was there.
– Where I was born love was never a word to tell, only expression and action naturally sensed everyday.
– Day by day, place to place walked and camped away from the nest has introduced me particular words in many different languages with the same vibe and function.
– It was battle after battle, more losing than winning that finally pulled me to a realisation that that word can never be wasted.
– A word that sums up the scattered things among what is felt, what is thought and what is expressed.
– The word that I learnt with heavy head as it was awkward to say, clumsy to hear, and risky to offer.
– Yet the word knocked on my heart more intensely.
– It didn’t give up until at one turn it was taken for granted that every baby is born to recognise it to label the depth of intension for the rest of its life.
– Love is a magical word indeed uttered either to thinly sugar coat or to sincerely deep dive.
– Love though acts like a sieve welcoming fine dust that can enter a micro hole, leaving coarse material too grand to strain.
– Love gives me bright days with smiles from the understanding.
– Love discloses grins and groans from the disbelieving.
– Love makes life lighter with its innocent bouncing.
– Love makes heavy life heavier if not let go.
– This word is just a word….
Yet
– This word has made me more acceptant to the present.
– This word has transformed the way I see the past.
– The load and content and context around this word have beautifully shaped my perception about future.
– I don’t listen anymore when people tell me love is for the weak and the spoiled.
– Love is for the vulnerable yet ready to face the reality.
– Love is for the fragile yet tough in losing battle but winning the war.
– True Javanese think that love is as vast as this life itself. It is not stagnant. It expands. It doesn’t only connote branta or wuyung. Love is also built as tresna, asih, sih and welas asih.
– I will use this word more to and for those closer to my heart and soul.
These bullet points are sponsored by a terrible headache. 😁
Note:
- branta, wuyung: love directly related to infatuation, young love, puppy love, pure romance
- tresna, asih: love as universally used, can be any love
- sih: deep love, mature love, love related to soul to soul or heart to heart connection
- welas asih: love based on humanity
Singapore – Jun. 21, 2022/20:22
Love is
Unseen rope
Invisibly tying
Sparkling souls.
Love is
Interconnected network
Constantly connecting
All computers.
Love is
Moving air
Secretly exchanged
Through breathing.
Love is
An attached context
Building meaning
In a statement.
Love is
A medium
Conveying messages
To a ready recipient.
And what is not
Is not.
—
Years of experience has brought me to an understanding that subtle sensitivity is one of the keys to understanding, genuineness, boundary and security.
Welcome to genuine hearts. Good bye to tricky engagements.
Today I’m in love again with those around me who never give up on my clumsiness and insensitivity and with myself who becomes more patient and acceptant.
Salaam. 💝
Love at the first sight
To what’s captured by senses
And stays in the heart—
—
One beloved person called me asking why I didn’t attend a nephew’s wedding party yesterday. I said I couldn’t as I’ve been physically “beaten up” because of an accident recently. After what happened, sorry and better be careful, don’t go biking at night, wear the right shoes; she started ranting….
“What are you looking for in life? Look at your nephews and nieces getting married one by one. They wish their best wishes for you but you don’t seem to care. You’d better find one man and get married and they will attend your wedding party with all love and gifts.”
“Not my priority”, I said.
“What is your priority? Your work? Your dream? What?”
It is sometimes annoying to be a single woman in a society in which marriage is highly appreciated and considered as highway to happiness. I feel so lucky for living overseas away from those caring so much about me so I can enjoy my life the way I love to. Many of my single girl friends call me now and then telling me how tiring it is to answer the same questions again and again even when they don’t seem to have problems for not getting married. We are mentally and financially stable. 😁
“Ok, tell me I’ll find one. I know you won’t want one like your last. Tell me.”
“Sexually straight and not abusive in any way possible.”
“That’s easy! It is just you so difficult! Sometimes you just have to give up your priority or your love. I got married without love and it goes well. Many of us do and it goes well. Know that we worry about you.”
Alamak….
Weekend still goes well. And I’m happily looking forward to another week.
Life is a mystery, and so is love. I love my life and I don’t worry. 🥰
the right place possible – Jun. 19, 2022/17:12
Story, Beloved
Told through colours, dots and lines
About nature love.
—
So much miss “playgrounds” where plants are greeting freely with their stories and advices. Hallo Jogja and Bali, wait for me. 🍀
Happiness in progress
Might be a mess.
It will turn to solid prime
Only if she meets finish line.
In no time—
—
Happy Sunday!
Be fair, Beloved,
Neither east nor west to face.
Be centered in self.
—
Power should be balanced. No one should overpower. Only respect and love can rule the world appropriately.
Find love, Beloved,
Through the air breathed in and out.
No end of blessings-
—
Weekend is about breathing with zero sighing.
Can’t imagine life with no space to just stop for a while. 💝
Gemstones, Beloved,
Beautiful, shiny, precious—
Mind! You’re still a stone.
—
When you integrate, you at the same time disintegrate. Imagine what happens before a gemstone sits on a ring: a tumble stone, cut, polished, separated from dirt and rock. Often time most part of the tumble is “wasted” for the sake of presenting a small carat of a bright semi precious or precious stone!
What gemstone are you? You might be a diamond in progress. Don’t tell, let the true eyes see the true you. Sheer beauty! Don’t take so long except you are willing to be a hidden treasure of the universe. Whatever your choice is – be true to yourself.
I want to be a diamond but I am not and so I will never be.
I am though grateful to have been created a less pricy one – it is precious to be given time to be what I am. Not more, not less, just right. I know and I accept it. 💝
Thank you, Beloved.
Blueprint, Beloved,
Life in black and white. Colour!
With meanings and vibes—
—
Happy life is a sketch before coloured. The same sketch in the hands of different human beings can have different colour composition that bring different vibes and nuance. Neuroscientist’s perspective of happiness is different from artist’s. The haves’ perspective of happiness is different from the have nots’. A wanderer’s perspective of happiness is different from a homebody’s. Et cetera…
Yet it is still happiness in its original design.
It is a feel of happiness when I shed tears then realising that life is more than crying on failure or accidents; life is seeing failure or accidents as blessings. Imagine how happy a person was knowing that she was late for boarding losing mega business opportunity then after that learning that the plane she was supposed to board crashed in which all passengers were dead. A blessing in disguise! Life is more precious than any business!
Thank you for this subtle reminder about putting some bright colours where dreary feeling resides.
Baby step to grow wiser…. Very slow but I’m sure I’ll be a wise old lady. 😁 Hey, hey! Don’t forget to dye your hair!
Which one, Beloved?
To love? To be loved? Any—
As long as it’s true.
—
There are times when you have no choice but giving or taking; no reciprocity whatsoever. And that is when you think it is not fair although that is not necessary to think of anything as long as it is true.
When it is time to give, just give like when you enjoy good unhealthy food. When it is time to take, just take like when you enjoy the healthful bland food. Easy but I have found it challenging in some way. I want balanced give and take, good and healthful.
Life is bitterly fair. To enjoy it, be true. Be true to yourself, my dear.
💝
Fine lines, Beloved,
Show how much and deep her love is
To life and its vibes.
—
I am seriously getting and looking older. It doesn’t matter. I love being me changing physically and growing mentally. 💝
Coffee, Beloved,
Brings back the fragrance of breeze
From the green high land.
—-
I drink coffee but am not a big fan of it. Fragrance of raw coffee beans, coffee cherries, coffee leaves, coffee flowers, coffee trees are much more lovable to these nostrils. Last 2019 visit to my uncle and aunt’s home in Menoreh Hill has always been a fresh fragrant memory; it is because the coffee fragrance would welcome us in the morning when wind blowing down the hill through the window sills.
Along the path up the hill going to our grandparents’ graveyards these hands would playfully pull some coffee leaves or coffee cherries, squeeze them and breathe the aroma in. My cousins and nieces would do the same. We would throw them to the dogs jumping around as playful as the owners.
Miss that green high land, where my ancestors started their humble legends—
Wind, fly me. 🛫
Salaam.
Stories, Beloved,
Chronological events
With no emotion
She puts meanings and settings
To characters in action.
—
I like poems loaded with love even when it is not love stories according to my friends. To me all stories are potential love stories.
I couldn’t find my left green sock and a poem about losing a beloved one was born. My kitchen lamp was blinking before switched off for good, a poem about a lover moving on after struggling reaching out to the beloved. Yet real broken heart helped me develop poems about how a heart shape blinks from white to blue to red to black before fading away.
Everything is love story between a lover and beloved. Of left and right socks. Of dark and light. Of hope and fear. Of head and heart. Of missing you and hating you. Of everything and nothing. Of me and my beloved that constantly changeable among me, you and them.
Mystery? Cheesy? It doesn’t matter. It helps me relax yet focus. ♥️
Life is all romance through these eyes. Wish that they remain with romantic lenses until life shows its true romanticism at the end of the journey—
😚
00:00
Good time, Beloved,
Finding answer at no time
To stop wasting time.
—
It’s good to be on time. For what? For everything. Even for being late. ☺️
Winter, Beloved,
As white as wishes whistling
Through poems and prayers.
—
Damascus steel cuts silk. Drips of water punch the rocks. Wind caresses the sands. Breeze sways the twigs and ushers the leaves to land on the ground. Snowflake falls one by one wrapping the ground to doze off. With eloquent silence they make things happen.
How can I say about language ….except that it is as subtly powerful as nature, or even much more with its ability to transform or transmigrate whatever is in the hands, head and heart—
Whistle to me, Winter. These ears are frozen and distant but this soul is as warm and fragrant as jasmine tea.
Monday, thank you for being nice to me. Tuesday, I know you are too. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, be, too.
Salaam.
Singapore – Jun. 13, 2022 / 11:02pm
She is all children
Playing, pushing the limits
Before time for home.
—-
Adults at home often reprimanded young me for going home late missing timely afternoon bath or going home dirty playing in the river or paddy field. As a child I was confused why adults didn’t like playing; worse is they tried stopping me from having fun, while we children didn’t even do any harm when playing.
Reading a message from someone “Stay safe. Enjoy life.”, there is optimism that life is still playful even among those working crazily hard although level and perception about enjoyment differs from person to person based on whatever limit the prefer to use: culture, law, moral values, religion, contracted ethics conduct, etc. Mine is still the same: traveling along the river and going home late minus mud (sometimes at the bike wheels) and adults’ criticism.
Weekend is always refreshing. Welcome, Monday! I’ve been nice to you, please be nice to me! (transaction starts at the end of a weekend)
Salaam.
Married, Beloved,
To your shadow that follows
Wherever I go.
Divorced, Beloved,
From your doubt that hunts and haunts
Wherever I hide.
—-
One very long chat decorated a night. A childhood friend did sharing about what she had experienced when we were away for about 10 years, busy with our own life. This is her promise to tell the full story after giving hints and looking puzzled when meeting me.
She married thrice. First husband died of illness. Second abused and cheated her and so they divorced. Third one, this one has brought a lot of stories and enlightenment.
How she finally decided the third after the traumatic second has strengthened about my own lesson in life – acceptance. How she lets a seemingly perfect person be with her imperfect figure does add amazement about one of my loyalist. How she ignores words and stares from people disapproving her behaviours has told me she is still girl going foraging in the wild with me in our lively early age.
She hit me with some bitter comments about my complicated points. She ridiculed me for being so guarding and distant from risking broken heart to happen. She also highlighted how her love transforms to friendship that I would have not believed can happen to her – she is not a “friendship-friendly” type of person, she is a snapping turtle 😑
There are things she has regretted about all 3 decisions but the regret has brought her to a final realisation that her life has shaped her into a composed, mature woman strong yet flexible enough to be beautifully bent by the hardship of life. The pain pays off, she said. What a beautiful creature my dear friend is! 😘😘😘
This weekend has given me another package of lessons from our childhood. A blast from the past!
Weekend is still long. I’d better have more fun!
May all beings be happy! 🙏🏼
rike jokanan 
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