Missing The Missed

Evolution of
From joyful
To happy
To drawn
To sad
To desperate
To given up
To letting go.

The you


Missing youβ€” 🐣

hmm good progress, one song 😁


Life’s misunderstood
As blurred when eyes are cloudy.
Beauty is constant
Not to the eyes. To the heart
It’s a bunch of what’s biutyful.


Observing the observerβ€”

Let them misunderstand whatever about your own self as a secret is a secret that will remain mystery to those sleeping or cloudy eyes. If bright eyes can be tricked with a sheet of A4, what will a block of wall do to those cloudy?

Life is biutyful.

my love isn’t romance – no description matches


Laughter is healing
And killing at the same time.
Lessons for two sidesβ€”


Many people love laughing at funny jokes and at themselves. Yet secretly perhaps they feel some jokes are crossing the line. I myself don’t always tell those friends who make either impolite or improper jokes about me or about someone/something in front of me especially when I know they don’t have sensitivity to listen to others’ feedback. Bitter smiles or sharp shrugging then making effort to change the topics are my bad strategy – yes, I’m a coward and (to some extent) stupid. So far most friends know but some new people don’t (want to) know and keep acting funny with their own limits making fun of others.

There is always a limit; however some limits are not easy to define and pertaining to private life and can only be understood by the individual. Moreover, where privacy is already β€œco-owned” by public (celebrity, politician, spiritual leaders, etc), the limit might be vague, misunderstood or disagreeable.

Harassment, publicly, privately, verbally, mentally, physically are all not acceptable. Verbal one sounds less painful but hey! No one wants one’s family members to be fooled around and laughed out loud if it’s related to disability or illness.

And hey! A slap on the face can be medically treated especially if not severe BUT the embarrassment and resentment can sustain. Oh hey! Sometimes it can be well capitalized…. Especially in that particular place where money is the foundation of almost everything.

In a nutshell both are violence!

Punchline got punched!

Ouch! Ouch! Ooouuuch!!!

oh my God! that must have been a combination of pain and embarrassment – for both sides

Memories, Scents and Elements

Calm breeze blows her hair,
Pulls memories out of head.
Filling the fresh airβ€”

Water soaks flowers,
Distills their fragrance slowly.
Diffusing the scentsβ€”


Weekend is studying, doing laundry, cleaning home, and listening to things. Cooking? Not today, I’ll skip the healthful food πŸ¦ΈπŸ»β€β™€οΈ

listen, don’t believe – then I listened to him and didn’t believe ❣️

Dreamy Days

Red leaves, Beloved
Gracefully fall on the lap
Of Mother Nature,
Garnishing coloured autumn
Welcoming benign winter.

Dream, dream, Beloved.
As vibrant as you wish to,
As sweet as you want.
You’re red leaves lightheartedly
Flying decorating life.


I wish all my good dreams come true. And all of yours, too πŸ™πŸΌ



The Choice To Bloom

Even though they’re weed,
They’re flower, ready to bloom.
Truly as they are.


Respect each other as all of us have become us with no choice but traveling the paths we’ve agreed to sign up. Early termination doesn’t apply; life is about starting and completing what’s written.

Respect each other. At least….




Go solo travel
Through blocked road, dead end
With fright, thirst and hope!
Trees will tell you where to go.
Sun will tell you when to halt.


I (almost) always travel alone and I love it. It is not only business trip but also travel for leisure.

My first impressive adventurous solo travel was at 12 with my red mini bike. I would bike from home to my uncle’s home in a hilly district. It was about one hour ride of 7 kilometers away excluding all the U turns of getting lost in quite rough terrain in the route. I was excited doing it though because of nieces and nephews waiting to play with and the agriculture experience to enjoy. The up-hill biking to uncle’s home was my private getaway until my little brother insisted joining.

Another impressive solo travel of mine was in Bandar Lampung where I visited elephant and rhino conservation centres. Unfortunately the sweet young me was still innocent that people thought I was welcoming them; and I got sexual-physically harassed. Lucky me to be saved by a bus driver β€” wherever you are (maybe you away already because you looked like 60 years old when I was 26), you are blessed, Pak Supir!

And the excitement of the first impressive solo travel and the most dangerous one have combined to be a sufficient foundation for me to be a 99% solo traveler until now.

Traveling solo, I learn and improve how to cope with life challenges: languages, culture, human behaviour, security, etc. Yet I can enjoy the trips as I wish without having to wait for others moving slower or having to be dragged by others moving faster. It is almost always about excitement, freedom and privacy!

The bravest trip of mine was to Bangladesh in 2011. Plane touched down at 12am. Taxi waited in a corner that will be considered dangerous spot by any normal women on earth. Hotel was totally different from what was described online. Food was a bit below my hygiene par but I had to show my respect by eating with (fake) happy look! Yet I was truly happy to meet 3 new friends who hosted me with genuine hospitality (no fakey smiley like in some countries on earth I won’t mention); they brought me to city parks, mosques, slum areas, high end areas, etc in Dhaka. That was one paradoxically the happiest-saddest trip where I met the most skinny dogs and poor people right in front of luxurious houses. The most teary nights ever!

My smoothest, most expensive was 20-day solo travel in Europe: expensive flights, flights between countries, 1st class trains between cities and countries, taxi rides, good hotels, accessible public facilities, drinkable water free of charge!, good choices of food…. very little warm smile though. My favourite cities are still Amsterdam with so many Indonesians that warmed my soul and Madrid with so many handsome men that freshened my eyes! πŸ˜‚

Do I still want to travel alone? YES! but not 99% anymore, maybe will be 75%. I have a small group of semi-backpacker ladies who will be best neighbours when I retire. So they might be my travel buddies when I want to share some itinerary with.

I miss traveling!!!

Next destination? I don’t know…. The virus has evolved from physical barrier to physio-socio-psycho-political block for me to move around! God bless you, dear Corona.

Happy Sunday home! Salaam. πŸ’

traveling isn’t the only way to find your true self, you can travel within instead; yet when having time and resources, do travel out of your familiar towns and cities – you’ll feel different blessings! stay safe!

Don’t Kill Your Dreams

A dream, Beloved,
Is roots absorbing nutrient
In any seasons.


Teak wood tree will shake all her leaves to fall off in dry season and look like standing death log in order to save her energy in managing her metabolism. It happens until the first rain pours down again. Young leaves will come out. The forest will come alive again. Annually!

That’s what I learn from my childhood living in a district where teak wood forest was rich and well protected.

If I were a tree, I would dance and sing in its root in the spring, summer and autumn before dozing off in the winter.

That’s what I learn about having dreams in life.

Thank you! for everything


my dream is much simpler than his (I don’t even dream of visiting NY/USA, the only place I’m willing to visit is my office) but he is one of those inspiring me! he is mediocre (he said) just like me (I said) but given so much by life❣️


Is there sacrifice?
Earth lovingly hugs our waste,
Giving all her love.
Committed, sacrifice notβ€”
Yet Mars looks better? Damn you!


I salute those who are ready to migrate to Mars yet curse them for destroying dear Mother Earth through mining and exploiting her to build spacecraft to join the god of war.

Allegedly-visionary people dream of living forever while destroying where they live. Allegedly-ordinary people take care of where they live and be considered underdeveloped.

To Mother Earth, so much love to and for you. Please forgive your children.


he is singing it well ⚑️ thank you

I Trust You

Know not, Beloved
This path about to end when
And where. I trust you.


Trust is what she’s been holding tight because without it she’s lost the grip against so much magnetic force around that will pull her into a gaping hole, where greediness can consume anyone till no end.

Thanks, Beloved, for giving me a life that’s imperfect but perfectly humbling me in many ways.

I trust You; voluntarily or forcefully.


a song that touches my heart like a tiny leaf falling on a placid lake πŸ’ thank you

How To See The Self

Mirror on the wall,
I’m the prettiest of all?
It cracks up. Masks goneβ€”


Ah, weekends of mid December! Work is slowing down on several days. Weekends feel like starting on Friday morning. I have some longer time to talk to the mirror and find that I’m still there! A hidden innocent rascal nicely sitting behind layers of curtains

Masquerade on break!



May all beings be happy! πŸ’

watching Maru, feeling like looking at the mirror πŸ€ͺ

Matur Nuwun

The boughs touch the ground
Showing respect to nature,
Mother who loves all.
Fruits are ready to harvest
Everyday. Farmers’ blessingsβ€”


One of those teaching me constant gratitude is my mother. When I share my problems, she will either tell me β€œWe should be grateful that our problems are still solvable” or β€œWe are still lucky that we are still given blessings when having problems” or β€œIt is ok, someday they will understand”.

That lady is made of flexible rubber when hit by hard challenges. Nothing hurt her blessed heart. I’m lucky to be born by her. I guess God has sent her to teach me patience….

…. and at the same time to be patient. Hallow…. It takes patience to deal with patient people. I mean it!

Matur nuwun, Ibu. I love you. πŸ’

matur nuwun


You here,
You there.
You are everywhere.

I’m awake, remembering
Asleep, dreaming of
I’m alone, imagining about
Among the crowd, getting attacked by

These five senses recognise the very


No reason why, it is just

But where are
So distant
So much close.




beautiful voice πŸ’

No Distance Ever Be

Distance, Beloved,
Isn’t how far you’re from me.
It’s how soft the voice
Can reach your heart. These whispers
Slide through the space of the rain.


Have a good weekend! 🌱


It’s Helianthus
Following Helium core,
Breathing in the life.


Sufficient for me is you, and you’re where I give myself over to.

May all beings be happy. πŸ’

Light Weekend

This heart is a pot
With seed buried in its dark,
Growing to the light.


Always believe in the beauty of human’s heart. The darkest of it there is still a dot of light that will brighten one’s life! There must be at least one tiny dot of light.

Believe it. Run free like Bambi playing in peaceful woods.

Enjoy this blessed weekend! Take all light, as light as feather




Breathing, Beloved,
Circulating to balanceβ€”
Inhale the laughter,
Exhale the wisdom. Or else,
Wise in, laugh out. Life is full.


This weekend is laundry session accompanied by a marathon of Indonesian comedy films closed with a documentary, Semesta from Tanakhir Film.

She won’t survive without laughing and will rot faster without contemplating; or the other way around.

How would she not be grateful with both accessible?

Welcome, a new week.

Tomorrow May Never Come

I love you today
With heart and soul. Tomorrow?
It’s done and will go.


Live as if there is no tomorrow. People die. People forget. Do good while now is here.

Blessed those who live today.



The eyes, Beloved,
Bury what was once alive,
Mark eternity.


Maybe it’s your eyes when I look in to them. And mine when I look through the heart.

Welcome the weekend.

Three Words

Three words wait for you
To say to those around you:
Beloved darlingβ€”


Words in poem

Colours in painting

Voice in songs

Air in breath

Prayer in silence

Steps in walk

Choose one way to say I love you…