(English version)

Mbak Zaitun, English ’93 Airlangga University, is one name I file among them making my life glared and precious. Perhaps it is late to understand her quotation but it really grows me mature. I don’t recall her complete speech but here is a cut of it: Sister, you should always be grateful for being a human being.

I am quite convinced that I exist NOT not in purpose. I am not a universal accident that comes out out of the blue due to a technical problem in a unruled galaxy. I am a body that has been planned for existence; every inch of which has a share to balance the Universe; every movement of which contains energy to balance the Universe; every beat of which owns a function to balance the Universe. I am created for a balance.

I might be the balance itself.

But, why should I have been created as a human being, while I often mumble of its responsibility to be? I feel like to think the whole life to comprehend the secret of being a human being. But let me let you know about what have been the clear reality of not being a not human being. It relieves me somehow though a little and it is sufficient to pay my debt to that Mbak Zaitun, one of informal teachers in my life. Isn’t it right that learners’ debt will be fully paid when they “successfully” digest and apply the knowledge tranferred by their teachers?

This is strange, but true, for truth is always strange. (Lord Byron, 1788 – 1828)


If I had been created as animal, I would have chosen to be a bird coz I have always wanted to fly. If I were a bird, I would fly around the world. Or, a dolphin. If I were a dolphin, I would save as many lost sailors as I could. An elephant, probably. If I were an elephant, I would remember every memory I have before human beings grab all the nature gift of mine. However, what animal can live, laugh and love at the same time in the balaced quality?

As a bird I might be able to fly but can I go around the world without becoming wet under the rain or hot under the sun or cold under the snow? Can I hug my beloved family while flying? Can I eat while flying? Can I sleep while flying?

As a dolphin I might be able to swim and dance in the water. I might save as many sailors as possible before I die but I can never protect myself from bigger danger from the other sea beasts.

As a giant mammal, I can always remember the sweet memory in my life but what can I do when human beings destroy the forests with even their weak limbs? My tears are cheaper than those falling logs. My trunk is cheaper than those clinking gold coins. My existence is cheaper than the human’s ego. Finally I can only play football among the cheering humans’ offsprings.

If I had been created as plants, I would have chosen to become jasmine or orchid or lotus or nephentes or sunflower or the beautiful wild grass for home decoration but then I will decay by the time water in the vase evaporates and water in my body flows out. Or I will be consumed by the herbivore animals.

If I had been created to be unseen creature, I would have chosen to be a witch. I would fly without wings in a pine twig. I would smell sweet. I would sing beautifully. I would live much longer than a human being. But… I would leave my lover old while I am young forever. I would hide timidly when the human beings confidently wander around. I would not live comfortably when I meet them – while meeting them would be a probability for a witch.

If I had been created to be celestial bodies, I would have chosen to be a comet that evolves distantly around the sun. I would not even
know when I would come to one same point after thousands of years. And, I would be lonely in every single inch of my evolution even though I witness a lot of places with a lot of legendary circumstances.

If I had been created to be an abstract thing, I would have chosen to be happiness. It would go around hearts. But happiness is never created as itself. Happiness is created with a twin sister, the sincerity. I have to make a double wish then: being happiness and being twin. Will they be granted? J

Those are all my wishes if I were not a human being like now. Fortunately, I realized soon that being a human being is everything I have been best given.

I don’t have to be a bird to fly. As a human being, I can fly inside a sophisticated bird with sophisticated facilities. I don’t have to be a dolphin to be able to swim in the sea and help sailors for I can swim in the swimming pool – or let’s say I swim in the sea of life and help “other sailors” having been lost in their voyages. I don’t have to be a giant elephant to be able to save an large amount of memories and I am strong enough to protect my own habitat with my small physical though. I don’t have to be any kinds of flower to look beautiful and sweet; as long as I know what I am doing, I look beautiful thoroughly. I don’t have to be a witch to live longer because human being’s good name can live even much longer than a witch’s life. I don’t have to be a comet to experience many great good things. I just have to undergo every single thing patiently and I will be a comet around this mistery life. And I don’t have to pray to be created as sincerity and having the happiness as my twin sister since my heart can bear both of them and I can be sincere and happy at the very moment.

Again and again being a human being is the greatest gift I have ever received from the Owner of the Universe.

Thanks to Mbak Zaitun for saying words enriching my soul.

June 11, 2008

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