graphs of my Universe
Kau tak akan mengerti bagaimana kesepianku
menghadapi kemerdekaan tanpa cinta
Kau tak akan mengerti segala lukaku
kerna cinta telah sembunyikan pisaunya.
Membayangkan wajahmu adalah siksa.
Kesepian adalah ketakutan dalam kelumpuhan.
Engkau telah menjadi racun bagi darahku.
Apabila aku dalam kangen dan sepi
Itulah berarti
aku tungku tanpa api.
——
it is good to feel loving you, it is less good to feel missing you
Sprinkles of petalS
Sway from the sky gracefully
Calling name of yours.
——
genji pie that shapes like heart or rose petal or whatever beautifully seen by eyes
genji pie, aside from the shape the taste is also good to me
genji pie has inspired me to love
About genji pie
Multiplied and blessed
Is numbers nature has sent
To a heart that smiles.
——
flying back from Narita
flying out from Changi
i believe that whatever shared is multiplied — at least those who enjoy it are multiplied
keep multiplying and blessing!
♥️
This life’s pilgrimage
Spiralling in to the core
Of old house within.
——
a mosque in Tokyo — Tokyo Jamii (Camii)
entrance — assalamualaikum, Tokyo Camii
mosque area – 2nd floor
i still know how to do sholat tahiyatul masjid (praying to respect mosque), recite QS Arrahman that is full of gratitudes and praises so i did it
the feel was exactly like when i pray in the temples and shrines
a feeling of home 💕
then a beautiful sister helped me with photo taking — she made me much taller, slimmer yet less me 😁 thank you 💕
time to fly home — thank you, Tokyo 💕
you make me love myself more and more, with all the wounds and scars
A bee is bathing
In magnolia stamens.
Not flying but high
——
from instagram
They have said
I am lost.
What I see…
I am in a forest away
From comfort of thought.
I am not in a castle
In which mind is blunted.
My heart finds home
In which 25 prophets
And 1000 saints
Have found the paths.
It is a way
That all Prophets and Saints bless.
I am home
With the flow
That brings petals
To where fragrance blends
With clarity of fluids,
Various fluids
Gliding to a vast ocean
Of love.
——
i don’t care anymore what i am called by them — Muslim? Alhamdulillah, Sufi? Subhanallah, Buddhist? Masya Allah
what i am sure of is that my sutra is sutra of love with which all prophets and saints have travelled, whatever religions they have been associated with
thank you
💕
Rain has no regret.
It’s sharp needles jabbed to earth—
Wildly seeped for life.
——
even wrong decision tasted nice! trust me the chili didn’t even have heat in it 😊 no regret at all
Waves of clouds, my love
Swim from morning to night shore
Telling me to dance
Sprinkling bright petals of life
To hearts who lost hope to move.
——
some food help wipe clouds from the mind
I normally participate flag raising ceremony on August 17 to celebrate Indonesia’s Independence Day in Indonesia Embassy in Singapore yet this year I don’t as I am in Japan for work.
Not losing hope to express my vibe of nationalism, I decided to celebrate it by eating cold soba standing and slurping (not so successful sound according to my friend though) then watching one-act Kabuki in Kabukiza Theater — all after work.
It is absolutely different way of celebration! So much liking it!
Thank you, Tokyo! I will be back.
Dirgahayu Republik Indonesia ke-78!
Merdeka!
i love you, Indonesia
sluurp!
Kabukiza Theater
8888 — hope to see full performance someday!
wishing to be back 💕
Rin-Chu, the main character in the Shin Suikoden
There are two gateways
To enter one gallery
Full of works of art.
——
my left side of face is sadder, bitter and negative with which i’ve been made more and more accepting to unwelcoming sides of life 💕
my right is happier, sweeter and optimistic that has persuaded me to be more and more letting go of what is not working after some good deed 💕
whatever unpleasant and pleasant things others say about me, i feel complete with some gap that might not need to be bridged simply to show that imperfection is a perfect gift in life 💕
Note: the picture at the bottom is batik scarf designed by Dudung Aliesyahbana, a batik maestro from Pekalongan, Central Java
When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour spent together
Lives within my heart
And when she was sad
I was there to dry her tears
And when was happy so was I
When she loved me
Through the summer and the fall
We had each other that was all
Just she and I together
Like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely
I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me
So the years went by
I stayed the same
But she began to drift away
I was left alone
Still I waited for the day
When she'd say I will always love you
Lonely and forgotten
Never thought she'd look my way
And she smiled at me and held me
Just like she use to do
Like she loved me
When she loved me
When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour spent together
Lives within my heart
When she loved me
I thank you, God for giving me courage to express my love and affection to those I love. I will not regret.
💕
I love you
And I respect you
Fragrantly.
I’ve missed you
More and more
Since I didn’t open windows
Anymore.
This heart though is open
Like pores of petals
Evaporating fragrance
In a warm September.
Be happy, Beloved
As you deserve to.
Whereas this scent
Will keep leaping stone to stone.
Your face pops out
In this head every second
Like brilliant dew drops
In a shy May.
I respect you
And I love you
Sweetly.
——
enough sweet and fragrant for snacking for 5 days in Tokyo
I am not a breakfast person yet I arrived in this city very early and needed a big start for my eyes and head. There is no bread with kaya or nasi lemak or fish soup or kwetiau here so….
Coffee, quite acidic to my spoiled stomach
Salad, much cabbage to contribute enough gas for the whole day
Potato wedge, much to keep me full until very late lunch later today
Tokyo, thanks for being kind to me although your railway system is never friendly to me. Taxi! 😊
Salaam.
——
kopinya juara, so acidic that my stomach sang loudly 💕
milk with red bean and water — rubber stomach 😞
Old dreams are dangling
Ready to sprout but doubtful
Seeing grasshoppers.
——
three dangling charms with a daruma flying north tonight
Alhamdulillah 💕
rawon-based fried rice
trust me good palate will not easily move on from rawon! 💕
supposed to be microwaved, yet fried — yum yum! 💕
Regulated noise
Tidies up moods and work pace.
Music is curing.
——
no worry, beloved — what’s messy can be tidied up with the right tempo and pitch in music 💕
loving this sweetheart! 💕
Hatred, Beloved
Never a choice; it is love—
Once got hurt then lost.
(haiku at lunch break)
——
osho, the king in shogi (Japanese chess)
About shogi the Japanese chess
Eyes remember to
Blink to the moon downloading
Forgotten stories.
——
Japanese kanji for eyes
Dark sky reveals stars
That gleam sending signs of life
That glows silently.
——
rawon aka dark soup that has become the most delivious soup on earth
i left it in the fridge to fly back to Indonesia on Jul 30 and today arriving home my first after unpacking was heating it up for my lunch and dinner 💕
amazingly yummy!
A pair of strong wings
Bring me to a land of thoughts
Where hope shines the light.
——
landed home after burying hope to grow with flowers and spreading love with billowing incense smoke
You’re lovely
Like the songs in my heart.
Unluckily
You belong to another heart.
Verily
You’d thrown me to a new start.
Luckily
You didn’t break my hope apart.
Hopefully
My life again to bloom.
Undoubtedly
You feel ease in the room.
Life is rich and enriches,
Full of sad and happy surprises.
——
one of my good friends is a handicrafter; this bag was just completed 2 days ago and delivered yesterday
my mother said “lovely”
“do you want it?”, said i
“is that ok if i take it?” she said
“why not, Ina can make a new one for me” said i.
i am happy to make my mother happy with a happy (unintentional) surprise 💕
When I am reborn in the next life, I want to be like Jisun traveling with my mother and aunt to enjoy life.
💕
11 in 23
Can’t say clearly more
About 2 numbers
That are in sequence: one, two, three;
That are prime: singly operated by one and itself.
Happy anniversary!
——
I started writing diary when I was a six grader of elementary school. My golden years of diary writing was around 6 years in junior and senior high school — honest stories, mostly quoting people’s word verbatim, hand written beautifully, locked and un-shared.
WordPress is my diary, not as naked and straightforward as my younger diaries, yet all writings are genuine expressions about daily life wrapped in love language. Whatever the stories are, love is always the core and the cover.
Thanks, WordPress for being a place for me to sing my days with my own lyrics, rhymes and rhythms. I don’t like to be misunderstood yet I don’t mind being differently interpreted by different people — their misunderstanding is not a result of my creative process, it is the result of their own lack of clarity about their own inner journey.
In my life, in this WordPress, anywhere I am an open humble book but I am kept among reference collection.
11 years of being a reference collection in the library of everything. Yay!
More years to count!
took off from Multiply in 2007, landed in WordPress in 2012 — this journey is on
Thanks for becoming my second home. You’re the best protection to this humble self.
I bless you. 💕
Mosquito’s buzzing,
Scarier than it’s biting
Ears though can’t complain.
——
when i said to my friends that i wanted this, they chorused high toned answer “no, it is not Japan, with this type of water garden, you’ll be mosquitos’ daily party here!” 😁
The light that is in,
The angle that frames, both play
To find the best view.
——
About Tugu Yogyakarta
photo taken while my friend was driving fast to avoid some motorbikes; i’ve missed the opportunity of taking its picture many times, this time no although not from a nice point of view
This heart is leaking.
Droplets of love are dripping,
Fertilising life.
——
About wedang uwuh
wedang uwuh, a favourite beverage in breezy night of Jogja
inside wedang uwuh
The spell of friendship
Is not F R I E N D S H I P.
To spell friendship
Is to put some magical words
To a bond
So it lasts forever
In love.
My friends put a spell on me.
I put a spell on them.
We put a spell on each other
To stay together
Gleaming like stars
In a cluster
Or in different ones blinking to each other.
How beautiful friendship is
When bonded with genuine drops
Of souls
And
Adorned with true colours
Of hearts.
How real friendship is
When soul and heart
Are sprinkled on to
A life that hopes
And loves.
——
this book of friendship — no where to find in souvenir shop but found in the heart of friends
fun and true and real and genuine 💕 friendship with my beloved nephews
What can you say to that
That you love so much
That that love can never have enough to express?
It’s
Thank you
Very much
For you
The way
You are.
——
My nephew’s recent death has taught me one biggest letting go.
When my father died, I cried little knowing that with his illness he would not survive for long. I was kind of prepared for his passing away. Yet when my nephew got an accident and got unconscious on Jul 29, I was shocked; and when hearing that he passed away the next morning, the feeling was mixed between sadness and regret.
The shock that he left us in young age with many dreams to reach and the regret that many things were not yet expressed to him were two immediate realities to face.
He was 22, very handsome, very kind hearted, talented artist, great entertainer in family and around friends, had a lot of dreams, had a lot of fixed plans with me and his cousins (yes, they are my best young friends to explore life). What’s more from a young man can have than those?
What regrets do I have?
I should have told him that I loved loved loved him soooo much although he was just a nephew and not a son. I should have told him that I had much much much more money to give him everything he needed although it was not my responsibility to give him anything. I should have brought him to Jazz Gunung Bromo with Arya although he and Ocka hadn’t got booster shot. I should have told him that all trips were purchased and he just had to pack. I should have done this. I should have done that.
I won’t forget how he checked now and then whether my illnesses were gradually cured, reminded me to take medication religiously, sent me my mother’s candid pictures, sent his picture eating or just dancing foolishly, reminded me to buy his favourite perfume once a year (he loved Hugo Boss), and so on and so forth all those simple gestures that I love the most about people.
Many especially his parents regret his death yet I believe that his passing away in one prime time is an achievement. He had made many people happy. He had entertained people the best he could. He hadn’t made too many mistakes. He hadn’t regretted a lot of things. He hadn’t misled too many people with wrong life messages. The timing was just the best!
After several days our tears are getting less and less, the torture of holding on has changed to the bitter sweet reality of releasing a beloved that departs to a better place. Our family has learnt good lessons from what he had brought as a self in life. We thank him. We bless him. We so much love him.
Good things about and by him are disclosed after his death. Hundreds of friends and acquaintances attending every day of his funeral reception (1st to 7th day after the funeral day in Javanese tradition) told short and long stories about his fun, kind hearted, witty, hilarious, generous, somewhat crazily fun nature. How could he be that selfless with his limited resources? That itself has put us in a better feeling, accepting that his life was never wasted.
His videos and pictures are scattered everywhere in social media uploaded and shared by family and hundreds of friends and acquaintances so when we miss him, we just click a link and good memory is beautifully played.
2023 has brought me a lot of lessons of letting go yet this one is the biggest and the hardest.
I thank this boy for being part of my life for the past 22 years. I have no regret of being his best friend at the same time his selfish aunt.
I thank him for loving me in his way with all his wit, laughter, surprises, and sweetness.
I thank him for teaching me how to forgive the unforgivable and forget the unforgettable.
I love you so much and let you go.
Thank You, God for giving me the life in which I learn about loving and letting go, accepting and giving and contributing, all with joy and in joy.
Salaam.
he loves Bali so much and wanted to live there — this was our trip to Bali in Dec 2022 that should be repeated next Sep to celebrate my birthday 💕 cancelled ♥️
he was to fly to Bali on Aug 1, two days after he passed away — in his last trip to Bali with me and his cousin Ocka he said “let’s get back next year” so I will get back to Bali to tell his beloved island that he is passing away, back home where he is residing in paradise — thank you, boy for being you in the life of this self, you’re so much loved and remembered 💕
we are not mourning anymore — we are celebrating his life truly 💕
rike jokanan 
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