Close your eyes tight
If you hate to see me.
You will fall asleep

Unlucky you,

You cannot block your ears
If you hate my music.
Your earbuds will amplify it

You will get used to it
And die while joyfully humming it.

My music,
My breathing
Will become your music,
Your breathing.


inspired by QS 15:29

not everyone though


Breathing, Beloved,
Dive with it slowly, knowing
It can blaze and burn.

So much swarmed in mind today. This brain was so busy processing unclear things that it could not process what truly happened within. All dots of thoughts felt like molecules bumping with and crashing each other in Brownian motion. The internal Brownian motion expanded externally and bad mood caused physical discomfort.

For around 12 hours the bad mood and physical discomfort was densely lingering. Reading, cooking, eating, drawing, writing, washing, watching YouTube, listening music, checking suitcase for next trip, taking shower, even sleeping didn’t help stabilise the emotion. Alamak I didn’t understand what was going on.

At dusk time I took a seat in one bedroom corner, closed eyes and paid attention to breathing. Very fast— it was not my normal breathing speed. Then trapped emotions were found: unexplainable insecurity and anger. After around 30 minutes normalising my breathing speed, the bad mood was totally gone.

I’m sorry for ignoring you, breathing. It can’t be denied that my physical has given me signs of what happened inside. This physical has always reminded me about what emotions are dominating. The dominating emotion indicates what energy is attracted — positive or negative. Don’t ignore signs given by body; not even once!

Lesson learnt: Some dominating stuffs don’t deserve priority. Severe weather, bitter messages, false news —even if affecting me— deserve to be smacked down! Don’t try me, bitch(es)! 😄

New week is gonna be nice! 🤓


another daruma sent as birthday gift with a script “fall down seven times, stand up eight”

Negation Is (Now) Good

Negative, Beloved,
New paradigm that builds life;
Breathing is blessings.

I thought that virus was reluctant to approach me until that funny doctor said bitterly to me last week “The Gov will SMS directly to you but these sudden symptoms give me a hint. Take care.”

After some inconsistent (+) and (-), being a lethargic patient (the virus pulled all muscles down) and a slow thinker (MZ sent me a confusing email of mine) of home quarantine, I’m back to my own self!

Thanks for toning this pride down. I was not that healthy.

Thanks for curing me. I’m dependent on You.


hey, Mr Sun! I wanna go out everyday just like you if the next is (-) once more!

Tickling My Ego

Sometimes I’m somebody
At a conference room
Where win-win
Isn’t always a solution.

Sometimes I’m anybody
When long lost friends
Suddenly say hi and cry
“Would you please help? Would you help?”

Sometimes I’m everybody
When I blindly devote myself,
When I wholeheartedly do everything needed,
When I run around everywhere to find you.

Sometimes I’m nobody
When I feel my heart beats,
My breath slows down with calmness,
When I know nobody is with me.

Thanks, my body.
You’re a complete gift to me.

I dedicate the above free verse to Emily Dickinson who has touched my life with many of her poems especially “I’m Nobody! Who are you?”



this poem was introduced by Ibu Siti Parwati Soemarto, our lecturer who always challenged her students to bravely see who we truly are – 28 years ago! damn I’m an old nobody! how bitterly fair life is! Terima kasih, Ibu Soemarto. 💝

You’re The Scent

Where are you, perfume?
Cask’s empty, you linger here
Yet nowhere to meet.
How long will you last? These breaths
Trace you through the moving air.


What you can’t see doesn’t always not exist. What you can sense can’t always be understood.

Life is as simple as breathing in and out.

Salaam… 💞

breathing in and out of you, the scent of life


Rasanya kangen menjadi anak-anak ketika apapun tak membuatku dinilai – betas sebebas kucing mau tidur, meang-meong, berantem, berteman dengan siapapun tanpa ragu berbagi cerita.

Asyik sekali jadi kanak-kanak. Memandang sesuatu tidak dengan penghakiman dan tidak takut dihakimi karena yang kutahu adalah suka dan ketulusan. Nggak takut orang nggak suka….

Mau bagaimana, sekarang sudah dewasa mau bertingkah mesti mikir umur, lingkungan mengawasi dengan berbagai macam mata: mulai mata buta hingga mata mikroskop.

Oh, ternyata masih ada rasa takut di hatiku – mau tak mau kualami saja. Nggak ada salahnya jadi dewasa di depan orang dewasa dan menjadi kanak dalam kesendirianku dan di hadapan para pengembara. Mereka para pengembara itu tak sempat menghakimi karena bicaranya adalah hakim bagi dirinya sendiri, pandangan matanya adalah pantulan bayangannya sendiri, semua tentang dirinya sendiri maka mereka tak akan murka. Kanak-kanak adalah bagian dari kejujuran.


Gambar dipinjam dari

Marah, marahlah secara kanak-kanak – secara jujur, bukan kepura-puraan, kemarahan yang menyentuh, karena sepatu satu-satunya dicolong bukan karena sepasang dari sepuluh pasang sepatumu hilang. Sedih karena kucingnya mati bukan karena patung kucing keramikmu jatuh dan pecah. Malu karena masuk kelas terlambat, bukan karena tidak juara….

Tak mudah menjadi kanak-kanak karena kemurnian yang dijalankan. Ah, ini bukan kanak-kanak lagi; hanya teori ha ha ha….

Yah, sudahlah…. Biar kuhadirkan diriku dalam kesendirian saja. Khalayak hanya suka dipuja…. Nafas mereka adalah keramaian, aku mati di dalamnya. Nafasku harus keheningan, saat nafaspun tak sadar siapa dirinya…..

Yio Chu Kang Rd – 5 September 2014, 12:05 dini hari