Sweet

Sweet heart, Beloved,
Welcomes each day with sweetness
Flavouring what’s not.

Sweet heart can belong to a sweetheart or to anyone whose heart contains sweet things. Sugar daddy and sugar mommy not included— ☺️

welcomed by much sweet in Hanoi

Breathing

Breathing, Beloved,
Dive with it slowly, knowing
It can blaze and burn.

So much swarmed in mind today. This brain was so busy processing unclear things that it could not process what truly happened within. All dots of thoughts felt like molecules bumping with and crashing each other in Brownian motion. The internal Brownian motion expanded externally and bad mood caused physical discomfort.

For around 12 hours the bad mood and physical discomfort was densely lingering. Reading, cooking, eating, drawing, writing, washing, watching YouTube, listening music, checking suitcase for next trip, taking shower, even sleeping didn’t help stabilise the emotion. Alamak I didn’t understand what was going on.

At dusk time I took a seat in one bedroom corner, closed eyes and paid attention to breathing. Very fast— it was not my normal breathing speed. Then trapped emotions were found: unexplainable insecurity and anger. After around 30 minutes normalising my breathing speed, the bad mood was totally gone.

I’m sorry for ignoring you, breathing. It can’t be denied that my physical has given me signs of what happened inside. This physical has always reminded me about what emotions are dominating. The dominating emotion indicates what energy is attracted — positive or negative. Don’t ignore signs given by body; not even once!

Lesson learnt: Some dominating stuffs don’t deserve priority. Severe weather, bitter messages, false news —even if affecting me— deserve to be smacked down! Don’t try me, bitch(es)! 😄

New week is gonna be nice! 🤓

Alfatihah.

another daruma sent as birthday gift with a script “fall down seven times, stand up eight”

Mood

Bad mood is hunger
Draining mind and tainting heart.
Can food heal the pain?

Certain type of bad mood doesn’t go away easily. It can sit silently consuming emotion for almost 12 hours. Some can be cured with food, some can’t. We still need food anyway.

Unfortunately no one is responsible as the cause, it popped out just like that with the falling rain; yet the self is responsible to get through it patiently.

😌

from this – kepok banana –
both birds and humans love it
to this for late lunch – failed to quiet the mind
from this – Ipoh pomelo, the best one on earth
to this for early dinner – at least cooling the heat in heart gradually

Blessed Day Reclaimed

Cold morning switched off the air conditioner.
Whistling wind wildly knocked on the glass door.
Windy rain greeted Sunday morning.
What dry hanging got re-soaked — a basket of potentially re-wash.

May kindness be absent for a while?
May a pinch of disappointment be sprinkled?
May a drop of despair be shared today?

A promise was wished
To smile,
To laugh,
Or to just close eyes in unbearable
And sleep away,
Or to make noise among fire, water and oil,
Or simply splash some ink on paper or wall—

Claimed—
That this noisy weather
Is less noisy than the kitchen.
And it turns back to a blessed day.

Sometimes it only takes some kitchen noise to save a Sunday.

when you feel bad, boil vegetables and other stuff 🥺
and make them the best gado-gado on earth for this morning’s breakfast! Ok, Sunday, I will stay home the whole day while you get soaked by rain 🙃

Leaving The Thrones


I dive
Every night
To where you are
And see no one
As
You are diving
To where I’ve left my throne.

When I’m back,
You’re back
To where you”ve left yours.

If we know the hours of each others’ departures,
We’ll meet at the crossroads
Where what’s left behind
Is forgiven, not forgotten

Tonight.

daruma tea canister where I wrote my wish to happen, leaving an unnecessarily thrones behind; ego is the strongest block, leave it!

Gifts to You

These gifts, Beloved,
Peace and love hummed to loved ones
Living here and there

One of the Javanese and Islamic teachings that I will never leave for the rest of my life is sending gift of prayer containing peace and love to my loved ones wherever they are, whether they are physically wandering on earth or spiritually gathering around life.

I believe that my passing-away ancestors are living in different levels of consciousness (call it hell, heaven or somewhere in between up to your liking) and they are watching their offsprings without being able to directly communicating with us. They deserve my gift as they have been my line to get the chance to be here now. They deserve peace and love as they have done the best they could to draw a meaningful family tree. Yes, some might have made silly mistakes but hey that’s what Buddhism calls “karma”. Yes, some might have caused shameful stains on the family picture but hey that’s what Islam calls “alam syahadah”. Whoever and whatever they were, all of my ancestors deserve good wishes sung to them.

I also wish peace and love to those I love still breathing the air. Wishing all of them health and happiness. 💝

We Javanese Muslim will send gift by reciting some Javanese prayer closed with Alfatihah, a short chapter in the Quran containing peace, love, praise, forgiving, protection and guidance. A basket of beautiful wishes—

How light this heart is to be sure that all whom I love are well.

Alfatihah to all whom I love. You’re loved. You’re blessed. Don’t shop too much. 😁

Happy weekend!

born as part of a nation doesn’t make someone higher or lower – being born a Javanese, Aborigine, African, Arab, Chinese, English, Indian, Japanese, Korean, Sundanese, Vietnamese or whatever is a gifted tool to contribute the best quality of culture in sustaining and respecting humanity – respect yourself, respect other human beings 💕
if not respected (by you), your origin will be a boomerang (spun around hitting you) – be grateful for being born as you are, never wasted, fully loved, surrounded by beloved only if you accept who you are 💕

Pleasure

Pleasure, Beloved,
Sweet moment under the rain—
Sunshine is peeping.

Today’s biking started at 6:30am and ended at 7:15am as the rain began earlier – weather forecast reported rain would fall at around 8am. We decided to fold the bikes in my home then drive to “Kueh & Mee” for breakfast.

Conversation is never boring with this good friend. Any topics about her children are my favourite as those children give me inspiration to be always young in heart how old ever I am and optimistic about life how much low my mental is. Topic about her wanting to go back to work is never nice because that’s when she questions if she is capable of doing this or that; while she is one of intelligent friends I have —- she is an excellent chemist who lets her expertise hibernate and allows her husband to lead a brilliant professional success.

After today’s chatty laughing breakfast, she went home then picked up her husband in Changi Airport, arriving from a biz trip. A long list of tasks were still waiting for her, making me lose reasons to complain about life.

She is one of my favourite people inspiring me with their being ordinary the way they are.

Thank you, Mbak Eva! God bless you. 🥰

one of Indonesian guilty pleasure, lupis 🤓
kopi tarik kosong (Indonesian/Malay pulled coffee with no sugar) + an empty paper cup of (eaten) hard boiled eggs

Heart

Warm heart, Beloved,
Where flowers bloom in hot day,
Roots enjoy diving—

I cooked cow heart for lunch. The taste of the heart was more special than before. Perhaps it was because I hadn’t eaten cow heart for more than 2 years. Or the heart was owned by a kind cow. 😂

The dish reminded me of a joke among my circle.

A: Why don’t you eat beef?
B: How would you eat that whose eyes are so beautiful. They must have good heart!
A: But why do you pork?
B: &@$@?! Why don’t you eat pork?
A: How would you eat that whose look is so cute like Ms Piggy. Their heart must be romantic!

Weekend is almost here! Let’s enjoy it with warm heart!

💕

don’t “eat your own heart”, eat cow’s 😎 home cooking isn’t always healthful but it’s always clean 😍

Guessing

Guessing, Beloved,
The least inaccurate points
Of mangosteen seeds—

lovely sweet manggis (mangosteen in English) – no child at my time disliked this fruit, to eat and to play guessing game – we children liked to go to Nasikah’s house to enjoy free mangosteens in harvest time 😍
how many seeds are inside? 5? 6? 6 of 1 big, 4 medium and 1 small!
inaccurate! it’s 5 of 1 big, 3 medium, 1 small! 😆

That’s what we call “tebak buah manggis”, guessing game to decide whether the number of sections at the bottom of the fruit accurately matches the number of seeds inside. Mostly matching, yet this time it is not! 😆 Life is sometimes unpredictable even with good database; anomaly is a rule whose patterns are not yet formulatable oops formulated by human beings — please excuse my English, I’m not a native. 🙃

Like someone we love. We thought they are 6, in fact they are 5.

Fair enough to say: seldom expect accuracy in estimation; better be sufficiently into the least inaccuracy so it won’t drop one down to abyss when finding inaccurate things. I’m trying to be wise as myself for myself about myself. 🥰

Oh dear, mangosteens!

Not About Others

It is about me
Myself, not about others.
Jump. Spread these wings. Fly.

one of the girls was (like) me in my high school choir 😝 it’s hilarious to remember how our teacher shouted “articulate well! articulate clearly! mouth wide open! breathe correctly! don’t laugh! sing!”😂😘😂

Moses and The Shepherd

In you, Beloved,
There’s Moses and The Shepherd.
Transfiguration—

Like it or not, both are within.

Salaam.

are you Moses or The Shepherd?

🤔

where are you Moses? where The Shepherd?

🤩

もしもし、this’s Moses and The Shepherd shape-shifting….

😁

Payday

Payday, Beloved,
Crossroads to 4 directions—
6 o’clock, good bye!

Ah yes! I’ve been paid with how a group of people feel proud of achieving what they thought would never happen for my persistence and never-ending-annoying questions and reminders. I’ve been paid with sweet smiles for greeting the cleaning ladies and security guards and colleagues and neighbours. I’ve been paid with my family and friends’ laughter for the jokes that were not even funny. I’ve been paid with my colleagues’ flooding emoji for my “drunken” fingers sending auto-correct silliness. I’ve been paid by many many of those I’ve never thought of making me so light hearted more than dollars and cents.

Hey! Don’t get me wrong! I’ve also been paid with bitter rejections and secret smirks for what I did wrongLY and/or I did inappropriateLY.

And hey! I’ve also been actually paid with wages and benefits for working in a company.

Everything is worth paying and everyday is a payday.

Never look back to what was wrongly spent, that’s my payday commitment!

Ah how I love my payday!

Of course! Who’s not?

May all beings be happy.

the best day is always today when life is at its best — believe me I’m not always right 😂

Good Words

Good words, Beloved,
Postcard sent in holiday
Showing what one’s seen.

My mother’s question after saying hello at lunch time is always “What did you cook today?” And she’ll say “Delicious!” when I send the food picture although she might say differently when tasting it. Both are happy, and that’s the most important thing.

May all beings be happy.

today’s work in rainy day

What Are You

Behind what’s seen,
What are you, Beloved?

Root of a tree
Who grows in in the dark,
Breathes with the creepy crawly,
Sleeps in none of seasons.
Silently grateful for
What’s not understood.

Cartilage of a human body
Who is not hard enough to be bone,
Not soft enough to be muscle,
Comfortably sits in between,
Catches messages delivered
By whisper, breeze and wind.

Jasmine sambac of the garden
Who is humbly tiny, clustering;
Blooms the whole year,
Leaves much fragrance to the day,
Deep meaning to celebration
Before she dries brown.

Helium of the sun
Light, low, odourless, tasteless, insipid—
It’s peaceful to be low profile,
It’s more joyful and freer,
It’s easier to be me,
Closer to Gaia.

Yet no secret bandit among
The rascals in the block!

What?!

What what?!
Don’t ask. I can be anything
But
You.

Rainy weekend is good especially when just have to shortly reply “Ok!” to a message saying “Heavy rain. Impossible to bike. Rain check ya.”

💝

🥰 can watch this forever! lovable rascals!

Weekend

Weekend? Relaxing, cooking, laundry, house-cleaning. Rain makes it cool! Sweet!

buy the Nutella, grill the banana
buy the bread, cook the chicken
drizzle some honey to the sour mango
ready to iron
surviving aglaonema 🥰 the leaves are getting smaller, needs more soil
some just love to leaf – patiently waiting for her flowering
surviving kencur! 😘
surviving Javanese coriander 😘
dollar leaves (zamia) 😁

Lazed Days

Lazed two, Beloved,
Wrapping up five passing by;
Seven in a pack—

Always ready to work, always ready to rest 💝

hello, my babies…. 😘

these duo are in slow mode for almost 3 years, yet they give me the extraordinary rooting! 🥰

third flower after the second departed early – thanks for welcoming me 😘

Idyll

Idyll, Beloved,
Found in rural area;
Hidden heritage—

Saw a package in front of my door today. It had been there for several days as instructed to the courier while I was away for a biz trip. Three pieces of jarik batik (long fabric with traditional batik patterns) from Yogyakarta were delivered safe and sound.

Idyllic gift for myself for the hard work in the past one year. Thank you, dear self! 💕

💕 thank you
this handmade batik was crafted by Mbah Suhir, a 93 year old batik maker – truntum background with sido asih (combination of 2 classic patterns) – I’m blessed!

Truntum (depiction of thousands of jasmine flowers) symbolises life under divine guidance and peaceful life fragrant like jasmine. Sido asih symbolises living in love and compassion.

210*120 cm – shorter jarik is for male as he won’t put any pleats when wearing it
the one-sided black “sido asih” handmade by another senior batik maker (still trying to find her name) – I’ll keep this beauty with love 🥰
250*105 cm, classic batik – longer jarik is for female as she will make some pleats at one end of the cloth to beautify the lower apparel

While sido asih pattern bears common symbols everywhere in Java island, the color and the strokes show its place of origin. Black and thin lining is originated from Solo, white and bold lining is originated from Yogyakarta.

“nitik cakar ayam” two-sided classic batik handmade by Ibu Suminah (80 years old batik maker) 🥰

Nitik (literally means making dots/points) is an original batik pattern in Bantul district, Yogyakarta. Nitik “cakar ayam” (literally means chicken claw) symbolises someone who is good at providing good life for his/her family (hard working, prosper and wise).

Two-sided batik is such a luxury to have in modern day. It doesn’t always show the price; but it is more about the maker has to block both sides of the fabric and it doubles the time of craftsmanship. Most batik is one-sided nowadays.

Can’t wait to directly thank the batik makers for their love to Javanese culture.

Matur sembah nuwun, Mbah. Mugi penjenengan dipunbarokahi dyaning Gusti Allah Kang Maha Agung. 🙏🏼💕

Alfatihah

A Bridge

A bridge, Beloved,
Transitioning melody
Between two islands—

It takes logical thinking to bridge the gaps — where she is, where she wants to be. And, honesty is the right logic to know how to get from one state to another.

?

Can anyone be dishonest to one’s self? Yes? How long? Long enough to sink before reaching the destination.

May all beings be happy.

Penang’s second bridge (Sultan Abdul Halim Muadzam Shah Bridge) – shortest way from Pulau Pinang to Batu Kawan