Sore tadi selepas kerja Seorang sahabat mengajak bernostalgia Meniti pergumulan diri
Dia mengunduh ilmu sejati sang mursyid Dibabarkannya sejujur perjalanan
Sedangkan aku menangguk pelajaran yang sama dari Jayabaya
Tentang siklus, momentum, portal, kesatuan manusia dan galihnya
Waktu adalah untaian momentum Yang jika terlewatkan, walau tak terputus, talinya melemah Dan redup di bagian-bagian tertentu.
Maka kenalilah perjalanan waktu Dari awal hingga akhir, Lalu Telusuri lagi dia dari akhir ke awal, Sehingga Niat jahat mendadak melembut, Rasa enggan menjadi kasih, Yang tak kenal menjadi karib.
Perjalanan hidup ialah tersambungnya ujung seutas tali.
There is so much about loving you. You’ve been my ghost for so long. Maybe too long….
There shall be a time the ghost to die and to be born to life.
Do you want to know, Beloved? He’s an Angel, Outcasted. Fallen Of jealousy, arrogance. So is your pride, Beloved?
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I was sitting on my bike checking the left side of AirPods that was not well connected and so lost the audio when someone stopped by and asked,”Are you lost? What way are you trying to find?”
“Oh no, no, no. I’m checking my audio.”
“Oh, I thought you’re lost ha… See map or what haha”
“No, no. Thank you, thank you, Uncle!”
His question “are you lost” reminded me to one who used to live in an exquisitely designed place called heaven and because of losing one’s clear thinking, one was outcasted. One became incompatible with one’s original position.
Who is that one? Those who read religious history of human creation might know, yet I’m not interested to think of the individual. One’s characters, actions and the implication become more relevant to ponder in my situation at that time.
And it calmed me down.
Sometimes losing pride is so significant to a human being. Sometimes failure to show one’s dignity or ability becomes the core of the day. Others’ perception has overridden the real importance of a success itself, or an action. In that situation someone can turn into a jealous, arrogant, irrational who thinks of two: fight or flight, while one should simply stay calm and collected.
Underestimation or humiliation if accepted positively might be simply inability to perceive what is or misunderstanding of self love. In short only those without knowledge and love will underestimate or humiliate others.
Why should I be upset? What a waste!
I don’t want to outcast my own self from the beauty of being a human being just because of forgetting who this person really is. Forget about jobs or credentials; both are not significant when alone meeting with one’s self.
I don’t want to ignore what’s happening inside just because of my own or others’ perceptions. Let them say I’m low; I’m not low although I’m never high. Let them say I’m nothing; I’m not nothing although I’m nobody. Let them say I’m meaningless; I’m not meaningless although I don’t mean to be the most meaningful of all.
Oh Lord, thanks for sending me an old wise man to show the other side of a coin.
Thanks for making me a human being so I won’t live forever outcasted in arrogance and jealousy.
Dear, Arrogance. Dear, Jealousy. Although not forever, you are still living here now comfortably. Be tamed for me.
Your life, Beloved, Isn’t about happiness. Find meanings in it.
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When seeing the definition of happiness in most of this life time, I found that many of the items in the bucket were material. Wanting to have this, to buy that, to get $, to add more travel destinations, and so on and so forth. I saw life was a storage of hoarded things.
When doing so, I mostly forgot the importance essence in what I did. Peaceful mind, wise decisions, appreciation to self for working hard, tapping shoulders for being able to control negative emotions, breathing slowly of the air in different places, and so on and so forth. I took it for granted until I found those have given me deeper serenity.
Last week there was time when I felt annoyed with something, giving me back the terrible headache I hadn’t had for so long. I drew the curtain and found that the sky was not collapsed yet then I whispered a thank-you. Gradually I felt calm again and new ideas popped up like bubbles from a fish mouth.
It takes just 3 seconds to bring back good mood.
May all beings be happy.
sometimes what you need to do is just drawing the curtain….…. to see life isn’t about the happiness you define; it’s broader than that, it’s about how your existence is not for nothing 🪶
Random, Beloved, Grouping logics silently— Sometimes the weird wins.
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Wondering about what random is? It is not purely random random. It is not random random. There is a process behind the scene in which the neural system works as fast as light or even faster making a choice of millions possible choices.
Random is waking up in the a Saturday brunch time, checking the iPhone and pressing YouTube apps without thinking what to watch, scrolling down with no intention to find what, seeing something that relates to a how to that used to be a wish and forgotten for some time and watching it.
Random!
a video found randomly – this driver must be someone who can solve random problems in his life! or at least he can feel how not to bump those around them 😁
Ahead or behind? Life isn’t racing, but game Chasing each other— Enjoy! There’s no finish line. You rest whenever you want.
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Isn’t it fun to enjoy life like enjoying a game which happy children do? We run. We laugh. We scream. We forget about sadness and anxiety. No one forces us to do it. We can slip in the circle whenever we want and take a break when getting tired.
Today’s chat was a bit serious, about how hard it is to be genuinely ourselves in the middle of many who try to find what’s not us. My good friend said that some people have experienced so much or so many lies that they can’t take honesty anymore. They can only accept lies. I agree with her in some way; I’ve met some of that type.
This type of people will always try to investigate who you are even after you disclose who you truly are. An auditor should do that because it is a profession, but a friend should not do that because friendship is based on trust.
I’m lucky to have trusted some of good friends in life and they have trusted me for the same reason. The reason is enjoying life as a game in true friendship, not in competition.
Value, Beloved, Not only talked; also walked— White cane of the blind
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One teacher said talking and walking the value consistently is one of the safest way of life. Challenging though especially where many are unknown or unfamiliar—
Yet it takes integrity to stay in a value.
“Hey! What about economical value? Political value?“ asked the students.
Teacher said,”When it is about taking advantage from others, we’d better not call it value.”
“What would you call it then?”
“Hmm…. I don’t know, whatever you call it as long as you don’t harm yourself and others.”
“Sometimes those who know don’t know….,” said one student whispering almost no voice.
“Some things just don’t have exact name. They are simply known and felt,”said the teacher in the heart smiling and walking ahead.
Aah! It takes a journey to be a student. It takes a journey to be a teacher. The same journey, different lessons 💝
Fungi, Beloved, Connects roots of trees on earth. How do you connect?
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I saw a cluster of mushrooms and wonder what they were discussing. Maybe they were weaving cables beneath the grass sending messages among trees around, like human beings sending iMessages and emails to each other. Or maybe like soul sending good energy in unison in silence—
Blessings, Beloved, Accepting with no review— See it differently.
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Today’s short message from a wise friend takes one of the longest thought. Lucky me for being alone so the time and space is serving just me.
Sometimes our emotion isn’t our emotion. It might be someone else’s that sits in us because some people entrust the emotions to us when sharing their burden to us. Believe it or not there is exchange of energy when beings are interacting with each other. We get sad when our family is sad. We are upset when our best friends are betrayed. We can be devastated when our pets pass away. The scale of the impact depends on how deeply they get hurt and/or how vulnerable we are to them. As simple as that.
When I asked this good friend why people or incidents are not avoidable although I’ve made best effort to stay away. Her message is “karma”. She is a Buddhist so that reply is her logical response. Besides I see the logic of karma thing.
Although I can’t tangibly prove that I live repeated lives, I live in karma system. If I do good, I get good. I do no good, I get no good. Simple and straightforward forward— whether the cause is the good one in the past affecting the current situation; or the present good deed affecting the future (not necessarily related to repeated life), that’s a certainty
But why the karma isn’t working as one to one? No, karma works like someone who plants mango seed – one mango seed will only give its fruits when it’s ready and the one seed will give the farmer hundreds of mango fruits. That karma. Alamak….!
So what should I do, Bude? I asked my friend.
Her message (translated into English word by word): that is your task of compassion.
So?
Accept it. Grow more good seeds that bad one. Pour clean water to your jug that is filled with dirty water until the jug is overflown with clean water and the dirty is flushed out.
So I can’t avoid them and don’t need to avoid them. The only thing I should do is to accept them without review. The only mandatory review is to my own emotions; understanding whether the emotion is my emotion or unnecessary impact that happens because of weak protection membrane around my own self.
This is not new thing for all of us. Yet 2020 and 2021 have been field of emotional battle in which I’ve learnt how to identify my own and others’. What a period! I wish all is getting better with the upcoming birthday. Amen.
So lucky to have good friends who are willing to accompany me in this journey.
Dear God, love me and love all my good friends. Thank you for giving the blessings of friendship, true one with true one. Please let me stay in the true one.
Salaam.
wherever the directions, the end is love and compassion, nothing else – if we accept it
You are, Beloved, A complete self who finds new Self one at a time.
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A philosopher once said that change is the only constant and others agreed with the statement. When we see change as tangibility yes, I totally agree.
Yet about growth of self I have my own comprehension. Do I change? Yes, I get thinner or fatter, older with wrinkles and lines not younger, slower, weaker physically, less sharp sight, and so on and so forth. So I change? No, I’m still the same person with the same DNA, family, date of birth, place of birth, or other possible constants.
Not only that….
I believe I’m always this full yet I discover this self more and more everyday. With deeper and deeper understanding, wider and wider disclosure I have lived and accepted life.
Personally everyone is granted with talents, DNA, family, date of birth, place of birth. No one can deny those. No one can escape even one hates those and wishes to have been born someone else. Sorry, you can’t! Embrace the personality.
Yet everyone is given opportunity to build identity.
What did I want myself to be?
What did I not want to be associated with?
How did I want others to perceive me?
How did I not want others to treat me?
What?
How?
Whom do I want to enter my life?
Who will be part of my inner circle I want?
Whom?
Who?
Why have I done this and that? This is a very important question to even know the unbroken chains that has brought me to this state.
Am I still I am? Yes, definitely a constant! But am I me? No, you’re a different you since you’ve embraced constant self discovery.
😏
Me: Saturday night, keep me safe and warm.
Saturday night: You’ll be safe and warm if you finish your laundry and mop the floor. No one will do it!
Me: (losing all suddenly-pretending-to-be-wise act and thought)
Saturday night: 🤪 capek deh….!
May all beings be happy.
pretty sword lilies and asiatic lilies – sorry, not today, no budget!!!
Time flies, Beloved Wraps a flying plane. Bless me At my travel end.
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Finally met my Sensei again after some time! In June I took a break because of some sickness and work. In July and early August she did because she had to take care of her family who were infected with the virus.
We didn’t open the book at all last night. Only a happy reunion checking what had happened for the past 2.5 months without meeting just some hello via messaging. Conversation flew about language, culture and personal experience dealing with both.
At one point she interestingly described about pleasure and purpose that compose happiness.
She decided to retire from her position as a VIP in one of the biggest business empire in the world before she was 40. She knew that she could not work forever and she wanted her own self not her age to decide when she had to quit. She thought she was ready and here she is now, an independent woman with a lot of personal projects and teaching Japanese with a style!
When she worked, she did with all her heart. She didn’t involve herself in office politics that made her not a social darling but definitely made her a genuine and independent loyal. She made decision with wisdom and integrity that made her a leader-maker but at the same time a strong gate of ethics. And she shined in her own way!
A sun is a sun when it knows when it rises and sets. And my Sensei is one.
She said it was a pleasure to work in her position with much luxury but she left because she didn’t see the real purpose she was serving. She was rich but true happiness was missed. She moved out from her luxurious apartment in the heart of Jakarta and rent it out, and moved to her mother’s home – a home full with flowers and good neighbours in East Jakarta. She restarted balancing pleasure and purpose.
Pleasure makes someone’s life sustain but without purpose there is no true sustainability. When one outgrows the other, happiness tank isn’t optimised. Pleasure and purpose is also a blend of colours that creates a perfect hue.
When I said whether she was afraid of losing the grip for having no routine, she said yes for the first two months of her early retirement; she felt somewhat regret of giving up the corporate vibe. She felt like cutting herself off from the world. In those two months she just went out eating, driving, cleaning the house. And after that her life started to bloom in different ways.
She found many more opportunities that she didn’t even know existing. And she is still rich with more leisure time and true friends. She said life is miracle.
Before pandemic she often traveled to smaller islands in the archipelago as a volunteer and annually visited Japan as her old habit. She said she wants to continue that after the pandemic is over, when Heaven knows.
When I said I wish I could do it, she said no. She said what I’m doing is what she dreamt of in corporate life before: having the pleasure of working with purpose. Conversation went more even livelier, we skipped the Japanese lesson and shared about our dreams. A more interesting class!
Last night was one of the great time in life when the feeling of balance surrounds me.
It was 1:07am when we finally said good bye. See you next week, Sensei! Thanks for the lessons.
Life is full of Teachers. Learn from them. But don’t forget the Master in you, live with one with love.
I want to want I want to not want I don’t want to want I don’t want to not want
Which one am I now?
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As long as I’m human being, I won’t be able to deny the want and not want. It’s not the verb, it’s the subject. A complication of thinking!
I don’t want to love you but I want to free myself to love one staying in the heart. That’s perfection!
In fact the struggle seems like a perfect circle when two ends collides: things don’t always happen as expected. Then what appears is that the simplicity of acceptance is above perception.
Simplicity is the crown of perfection. 💝
Alhamdulillah….
just do things right – when you’re angry, be angry but just do it right
Good vibes, Beloved, Contagious and precious Keep it the longest.
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Years ago….. One teacher said “You do whatever you want to, but make sure what you do doesn’t harm….” Impatiently student asked,”Harmful to whom?” Teacher didn’t say anything, just pointed to one’s chest then head, and said “Go play and don’t harm yourself or your friends. Have fun, you’re good. You’re good, my child,”
Another teacher would just sang some traditional songs then explained the meaning that were full of wisdom when asked questions. Those silly children would ask so many questions about why religions were many and different, how many gods were there, why the teacher didn’t have religion, why, why, why…..
Another teacher just asked us to eat what one was cooking when we asked questions. We just did and enjoyed the food. It happened when our questions were about what Mr A or Mrs B did this and that for.
More teachers, more experiences…. And we all grew up becoming human beings who approach different things differently or sometimes uniquely although sometimes confusedly. How challenging life is sometimes!
All those learnings happened in the Wonderland! I hope the young get honourable and good teachers as we did before and even better so they build our land into real wonder! Not the most developed in infrastructure, yet with the most developed clear thinking. Not the most modern, yet the most dignified. Not the richest, yet the most caring and loving to the people. What a dream!
Laughing, Beloved, Throwing up positive vibes, Burning some sadness, Growing positivity— We can do it everyday.
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What can I do constantly in life but laughing? How funny this life is! How ironic life is! How entertaining life is! How fun life is! How miserable life is! How mysterious life is! How enjoyable life is! Laughing takes all, just try to improvise the laughing style to suit each situation.
A friend called and the topic of most of my chats are stupid things. This time we laughed at how funny emotional rollercoaster is. Sometimes she feels that she is at the peak of consciousness and that’s why she feels so calm and peaceful until someone sends her a picture or tags her in a social media posting then she realises that calmness explodes to buried anger.
I can’t even remember what made us burst into laughter from one story to another. We just thought sadness is sometimes funnier than happiness. Or maybe we simply think happiness is able to materialise itself into any form.
I always love to laugh. Maybe I was a kookaburra bird in one of my past life if I had one. Oooh how I miss Australia! 🦘
Freedom, Beloved, Inner beauty blooms in time. True celebration—
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Celebration is a blessings enjoyed everyday. Celebrating health. Celebrating welfare. Celebrating family. Celebrating friendship. Celebrating breath. Celebrating greenery…… Celebrating anything I want to celebrate.
Celebrating stupid chats with some good friends. 😁
I love celebration in which commemoration is the core but never ever enjoy party in which entertainment is the core.
August is major celebration after September. In August two home countries celebrate their independence: Indonesia on 17, Singapura on 9. Both have unique ways to celebrate the days. For the past nine years on Singapura’s I’ve personally loved seeing all the flags hanging in apartments and along streets, in Indonesia’s except last and this years I’ve gone to the Embassy for flag ceremony combined with meeting with other Indonesians enjoying the precious moment together.
Happy National Day, Singapura! Thanks for taking care of me.
Dirgahayu Indonesiaku! How much ever the distance between us, you’re always in this heart. Thanks for gushing me some blood of great archipelago.
Dogma, Beloved, The least she can hold in life. She is full of quests.
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What human beings should think of being sick is it is a tool materialised by Life to make them stop or at least slow down especially from analysing every single thing. Yet human beings often forget that blessing should not be always gift-wrapped in fancy paper with ribbons; it might be sometimes humbly bundled in a sack.
Blimey! Why do I have so many sacks? And poorly unable to untie them successfully 😎
May all beings be happy.
a pile of ugly sacks; filled with all the richness of nature
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