Show me, Beloved That it's real and right and true. Says a shy lover.
The Quran is always a good advisor to me. It never lets me down.
When I’m so doubtful of self worth, it always sends me encouragement to be always faithful to what’s shown to me, without others’ validation or justification. Trust me an ordinary human being in whatever age period will still question herself when a strong blow of question “who do you think you are? know your worth” comes to her especially from those who are supposed to at least “shut the mouth”. πβ£οΈ
What a day!
This verse that randomly opened just now is QS Assajdah #24. For those reading this as outside world this verse is about leaders in a group; yet to me as the Quran can always be about what’s within, this is about leader within me which is the Heart.
The heart will only lives and be alive only when the whole body agrees to be patient and trust what’s shown through the existing senses. Be patient, dear self. Trust the process and the symbols and signs shown to you.
I will just walk to where love and compassion is leading me. Be it real. Be it true. Be it right.
Pages of a book Dog-eared, yellowed And wrinkle Of fingers stroking--
I’m not a religious person yet I love checking holy books, books about local faith around the world and writings about philosophy. To me wisdom scatters everywhere; it might not be the best sources of wisdom but reading them has opened my horizon of thinking and I’ve become an open-minded and free thinker to some extent.
There is one more thing about checking those books is getting personal advice that I can’t get from even the closest people around me– not because I don’t trust their love to me but I don’t trust their level of bias in analysing my situation. They are not open enough to accept me who is very open in thinking yet very morally guarding to my own self (two paradoxes my closest people still can’t understand up to now). That’s why I “consult” the Quran, the holy book aside from Bible that I’ve been familiar with since I was young (my father was a Christian).
Today I felt the need of consulting the Quran; I prayed, recited Alfatihah the opening suuraah of the Quran, greeted those I respect in life, took a short silence and randomly opened the book.
Here is the answer from the Quran.
QS Annuur #38
That Allah may reward them [according to] the best of what they did and increase them from His bounty. And Allah gives provision to whom He wills without account.
My heart stopped doubting. Is it because of the Quran? Is it because of to whom I prayed? Is it because of my trust? Maybe one of them. Maybe all of them. And I don’t want other possibilities because I won’t let myself doubt what’s been confirmed.
Thank you, dear Quran for being my closest friend, a book that opens all the doors of light. I might not be religious but you’re always the #1 consultant I’ve turned to for the past 33 years and probably will be for the rest of my life.
Forgiveness, my love Blooms among showers of love Coming out of love.
I became very upset yesterday after listening to some statements that in my perspective was sarcastic and on the contrary to what I personally saw. Most people laughed though.
Then what came across my mind was that person was trying to tell me secretly through a “townhall” that I was not the chosen one. It is normal to be excluded or canceled or rejected/ but should be with dignity not giving silent treatment; and with consistent treatment not “saying this here, giving hidden messages there”– personal or professional, that is not a right way to treat people.
My day was so ruined. What made it worse was a heavy rain came unpredictably that I had to travel longer from Johor to Singapore because of traffic growing jammed in both countries’ immigration gates.
But then I talked to myself last night. What is so special about me that I should be the chosen one? Why not accepting what was securely? Why was so upset to statements that might have been intended to tell me the truth? Hurting truth is better than late one, right? Or what about if that was just a way to tell jokes?
It took me long to re-digest the why: I was using the 5-Why method to trace back possible root causes with no result.
Out of the blue an iMessage with a beautiful song came from a Coldplay lover saying that it was sent to me because the song reminded that person of me. Wow! What a coincidence! Exactly when the iMessage came, I was playing exactly the same song sent to me.
And that the song reminded that person of me must have had a reason: maybe the quality of either the music or lyrics of the song is so me? π₯Ή
Why this song? Maybe the song vibe represents my “feeling good and like falling in love all the time”. Hmm…. This must be something.
I opened the Holy Book randomly and got another good vibe; a verse started with a sentence: “hold to forgiveness”.
What a stroke of good colours has been thrown to me!
Ok, my day!
I will do all my laundry and house cleaning chores today, cook my breakfast and eat it happily, then go to sleep like a log tonight then tomorrow I will walk 5 kilometers in the morning or go biking 11 kilometers in the afternoon.
Yoshβ£οΈ
Thank you, Gusti Allah….
I forgive myself. I forgive others. I forgive myself for letting my mind be filled with negativity about myself and others. I forgive others who have been so out of context or being ignorant.
What song sent by that Coldplay heavy lover? Here it is.
thank you, KM-san! i think you’re right that i deserve to be a heart full of love and a person spreading good feelings
i don’t want to give up; i’ve worked hard to shape a loving heart up to this level — will never let go of my true self
I love who I love Through the existence of yours. I am to comply. There's only one rule applied: Wholeheartedly or forced, done.
title of my tanka is inspired by none but part of Coldplay’s Jupiter
That planet never stops inspiring me. Thanks, Jupe.
there is one verse in the Quran that i could finally accepted when i reached 40:
arra’d #15 “and to God prostrates whoever is within the heavens and the earth, willingly or by compulsion, and their shadows in the mornings and the afternoons”
even when at the beginning i felt forced to accept what was, i finally found that i was saved through being forced while i was struggling declining what was
it’s like swimming in a river flowing sometimes so calm making journey so enjoyable, sometimes forcing and surging making it hard to believe;
Today's done, my love, With a bunch of reminders To always believe.
i’m not a religious person but in my opinion holy book (whichever it is: the Quran, Bible, Torah, Vedha, etc) is one reference of layers of truth that at least can put some ease on mind when i feel like wanting to disbelieve
when traveling i usually bring a small paperbook Quran to flip and read after work before sleep; this time i don’t because in some countries like Indonesia and Malaysia hotels lend Quran by request from the guest
today i borrowed one from the hotel as i really wanted to touch Quran pages to find some solace
this shows me how fragile a human being can be to face daily life challenge at the same time how simple human being can be cured from the fragility
Everything, dear self Has its own time, no delay. There is never doubt.
when my doubt is unbearable, i will open the Quran and ask to be given one answer to my doubt — after some short meditative moment; i will randomly open a page and the first part that i see or point with my forefinger, i willsimply take it as the answer
and this is the most recent one when i asked about doubt “…. and He has appointed a term in which there is no doubt.”
it might be a coincidence that the “no doubt” appeared to me when i asked about doubt
it is not a scientific process to make a decision, but i choose to believe it because i don’t want to lose the ability to rely on intuition in time when logic cannot help
it takes practices and acceptance to embrace this simple (speculative) way of making decision, and it takes humility (for a logical person like me) to humbly believe
I learn about fasting gradually, starting from childβs fasting to earn presents then knowing it as shoum then as shiyam. All refer to the same activity but have different level of loaded meanings. In Arabic when word is added with one letter, the type of word changes, the voice changes and the depth or load of meaning also changes. The word Ψ΅ΩΩ (shoum) has three letters, while Ψ΅ΩΨ§Ω (shiyam) consists of four letters. Therefore, the word shiyam has a deeper meaning than the word shoum. There are even some circles that distinguish the meaning of the two words.
The word shiyam means to refrain from things that cancel (eating, drinking, sexual intercourse) performed with good intention, while the word shoum means leaving things that cancel fasting or not talking. In the Quran the word shoum can be found when Maryam the mother of Prophet Isa (Jesus) intended to stop eating and talking after the birth of him. While shiyam can be found as an instruction to do fasting in Ramadhan month.
I wish my fasting flies to the place where even Angel Gabriel (Jibril) canβt go in then my fasting goes back bringing me better understanding of how a human being should serve the living.
May all beings be happy.
β£οΈ
my big breakfast of today, oops greedy stomach π
rike jokanan 
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