Tag: weekend vibe

I’ve always wanted to have painting of animals especially birds and ducks. While bird is popular and loved by many; duck is considered unusual and funny and maybe lack of wisdom.

Some of my friends have teased me for wanting duck painting. There is one that did it up to a level of insulting my sense of art. Am I angry? Nope! I don’t care. I love duck paintings. I’ve seen many of them.

One painting is in progress. It’s not painting of Javanese ducks that I’ve seen before. It is a painting by a painter of Javanese and Balinese ducks; yet it is a painting of Mandarin ducks.

Mandarin ducks are full of colours! I love colours. And the fact that they are symbol of love has boosted my wish to have them on one of my paintings. And so it goes!

It is now 70%.

I wish to have it be perfected as the photo made as source.

Mandarin ducks on the way to my wall.

Oh oh! Why duck?

I believe that ducks show me what’s called crowded togetherness, one direction in fun, noisy in unison, a community that is led, fun walking…. 😝 and especially Mandarin ducks all the above qualities added with love! 😎

Whatever!

I just like painting of duck.

70% or Mandarin Duck

Faithful

Show me, Beloved
That it's real and right and true.
Says a shy lover.

The Quran is always a good advisor to me. It never lets me down.

When I’m so doubtful of self worth, it always sends me encouragement to be always faithful to what’s shown to me, without others’ validation or justification. Trust me an ordinary human being in whatever age period will still question herself when a strong blow of question “who do you think you are? know your worth” comes to her especially from those who are supposed to at least “shut the mouth”. 😁❣️

What a day!

This verse that randomly opened just now is QS Assajdah #24. For those reading this as outside world this verse is about leaders in a group; yet to me as the Quran can always be about what’s within, this is about leader within me which is the Heart.

The heart will only lives and be alive only when the whole body agrees to be patient and trust what’s shown through the existing senses. Be patient, dear self. Trust the process and the symbols and signs shown to you.

I will just walk to where love and compassion is leading me. Be it real. Be it true. Be it right.

Amen.

💙

Enlightened (ranting)

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person

Pages of a book
Dog-eared, yellowed
And wrinkle
Of fingers stroking--

I’m not a religious person yet I love checking holy books, books about local faith around the world and writings about philosophy. To me wisdom scatters everywhere; it might not be the best sources of wisdom but reading them has opened my horizon of thinking and I’ve become an open-minded and free thinker to some extent.

There is one more thing about checking those books is getting personal advice that I can’t get from even the closest people around me– not because I don’t trust their love to me but I don’t trust their level of bias in analysing my situation. They are not open enough to accept me who is very open in thinking yet very morally guarding to my own self (two paradoxes my closest people still can’t understand up to now). That’s why I “consult” the Quran, the holy book aside from Bible that I’ve been familiar with since I was young (my father was a Christian).

Today I felt the need of consulting the Quran; I prayed, recited Alfatihah the opening suuraah of the Quran, greeted those I respect in life, took a short silence and randomly opened the book.

Here is the answer from the Quran.

QS Annuur #38

That Allah may reward them [according to] the best of what they did and increase them from His bounty. And Allah gives provision to whom He wills without account.

My heart stopped doubting. Is it because of the Quran? Is it because of to whom I prayed? Is it because of my trust? Maybe one of them. Maybe all of them. And I don’t want other possibilities because I won’t let myself doubt what’s been confirmed.

Thank you, dear Quran for being my closest friend, a book that opens all the doors of light. I might not be religious but you’re always the #1 consultant I’ve turned to for the past 33 years and probably will be for the rest of my life.

Light, light, my heart becomes so light.

Thank you❣️

Mandarin Duck

Mandarin ducks perch
On a rocky river bank
Enjoying the sun.

a painting of a raft of Mandarin ducks would be a beautiful spot in a house

their colours are fascinating

Eyes to Mind

Learning, life, Map It!

What she needs, my love
A jar of coloured petals
That smile to her mind--

heliconia is always a nice welcome

or an orchid that’s bright

never a bottle of wine

just a cool towel and a cup of lemongrass tea next to a carnation

Love Daily

Learning, life, love, Poetic

Love daily, my love
Chosen, cleaned, soaked, cooked and packed
To serve forever--

chicken biryani for lunch is like falling in love after broken hearted

💙☺️❣️

sprinkled friend onion on the layer rice & chicken

💕

boiling rice

marinating chicken in herbs + yogurt

another key to a nice biryani

fying onion

the herbs to boil the rice

basmati rice after 30′ soaked in water

Humming Heart (ranting)

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

She's a hummingbird
Flying her colours and voice.
Garden of Eden--

If people ask what one thing I’d do at home when I’m doing other relaxing things?

The answer: humming❣️

Humming is the power of someone who loves singing but not memorise the lyrics. It’s what makes the amateur singer feel so proud of herself of singing beautifully without words, voice and tones are right, words are hidden. 😁

Today my household chores are not as many as before yet still I want to be home longer; I have a book to read then share my reading to my family and friends. I also have a sheet of white fabric to experiment shibori stitching.

Saturday is never boring with humming.

my mom used to ask “what are you cooking for this Saturday?” then “that’s delicious! wanna try! cook it for us when you’re home” then I would call her sharing laughter & jokes

no I’m not sad but I miss her love, compassion, stories, jokes, intimacy between mother and daughter

I’m so blessed with her being my mother; and still so blessed to have siblings and in-laws that understand intimacy is the glue of our family

thank you❣️

time to let my physical, heart & soul hum softly as part of my gratitude for the love around me 💕

Face It

Learning, life, This Person, Those People

Sometimes something scary is something that we need to truly face. It’s a door that we must enter. It’s a book that we shall read. It’s a podcast that we’ve gotta listen to. It’s the very uncomfortable fact about what’s within that we need to unknot to fully see our own selves clearly and wholeheartedly.

I have friends, good friends, close friends and I know exactly what they like to talk about and what they don’t like to talk about. Some don’t like talking about money. Some don’t like talking about romance. Some don’t like talking about ancestor. Some don’t like talking at all, just making uh or oh in the conversation. And I like testing whiteout their knowing being tested.

I want to tap their mind that some things are disliked not because it’s not good, it’s simply because it’s not familiar.

Anyway after several times I will try anymore. What for? If they think it’s useless to talk about it with me, I might not be the right one to tap that part. If they think it’s useless to talk about it, it might not be the topic they need to learn or unlearn in this period of time.

Let the door open by itself. I feel enough to know the need; at the same time I come to a realisation that some people don’t need help to wake up, or some people don’t need to wake up that way.

😁

dear life, guide me to every door of mine, each of them is facing you — if all doors are open & what’s behind is shown to me, how beautiful the diamond of love you’ve given to me as I can see it from all facets of its cut

💕

He & I Might Be Wrong, But

Learning, life, love, Those People

As a Muslim I am grateful that someone prominent attested about Islam this way.

I’m not a religious one but I read the Qur’an and Sirah (history of Prophet Muhammad) with very little external guidance as I’ve lost some trust to the religion authority interpreting the teaching & causing distrust to the real teaching of the religion.

I might be wrong but I’m trying to seek what’s relevantly meaningful to my life from the content of the Qur’an and Sirah. And I pray that I’ve got the intelligence, integrity, ethics, humanity that’s wrapped as love.

Salam.

he might be wrong just like me but at least he is experiencing things from his own very hands to tell what it is

happy weekend, everyone

fyi, it said the videos are unavailable; not sure what WordPress is trying to do but both are about Joe Rogan attesting about Islam which (according to him) is totally against what have been described by the West

💕

Love Isn’t Faraway

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

I feel so languid,
Between losing and letting go.
Memories are swarming,
Reminding that life is short
And farewell is just an inch away.
What's grey has turned to lively colours that stay.
What's dark has rekindled what's dead and now alive.
Love is never faraway,
It is for a while hiding
To show up when hope is fading away.
There's nothing I hear
But heartbeats singing love song
From afar, moving closer and closer.
Love is never faraway,
It's just hiding to find a way
To disclose what's true in
Expression and will always stay.

my last wefie with her, physically faraway but her love always stays

Riding The Wind

Riding the wind, Love
Across the route Love chooses
On behalf of love--

wind is pushing her pedaling a journey to the heart of life

A Muse Who Herds Dragons

Beloved,
I don't have clear words
To decribe myself
Yet words insist to come out,
Sliding down from a lane connecting heaven and earth--

Dragon
A mythical being
Depicted in a lot of traditions all over the globe
That soars, roams, fights with a muse who lives in a realm
Called a self.

A self who is one of nine
Whichever one inspiring any her
To rule her own world
With love and compassion,
Nothing more
Nothing less.

She bears the emblem of dragons,
Plays fun with them,
Talks and plans,
Dreams and fantasizes,
Works the hardship,
Keeps secret & evaporate it,
Learns and teaches,
Fights and flies,
Stays and calms,
Grows old and stays young--
All with dragons.

Perhaps no one knows
But she knows
That the dragons might not be
someone else,
Just a being she thinks something else,
Yet in fact none in her life
Is separated--

Dear, Dragons
Be
Beloved or
Lover for her
Whichever is tasked to
You.

born with a dragon waking up at the same time

fun time with dragon most of the time

sending good messages to the universe with the dragon

sharing most secrets to dragon

welcoming sunset with dragon

struggling in battles with dragon

learning precious lessons with dragon

receiving deciphered enigmas from dragon

never growing old before dragon

physically growing old with dragon

taming dragon is her soul

a muse who rekindles dragon in her soul over and over again

A Hope of Elden Soldiers

A hope that vanishes
With the forgotten true stories
Of the unsung heroes,
Those not buried with engraved tombstone

Dear, Elden Heroes
Who are taking a break from battles.
Wish us a basket of flower
Full of prayer summoning
The only thing left with Mother Earth:
Love that glows in the heart.
Wish us her love
That fades all selfishness away
Swiftly
Like the colours dissolve from a white fabric.
No trace of arrogance.
No trace of greed.
Only love.
Only care.
By everyone,
For everyone
Including 
The Elden Soldiers--

A poem for a piece of Mother Earth’s true love called Indonesia on her 80th birthday–

Thank you. You’re staying in this very heart that weeps for getting hurt over and over again yet keeping the trust in a journey called life.

💕

your promise to liberate your offspring’s life from all that occupy them was well done

would you say that what your offspring is doing to celebrate the victory is truly what you wished to be

dear, Elden Soldiers who have been either well-known or unsung….

You

I've read thousands of poems
In which all lines are started with
You.

I've recited hundreds of them
With which all rhymes are ended with
A you.

I've waited for a sonnet full of love
Through which my questions are answered by you. Yes,
You.

Have You?

Learning, life, love, Poetic

I've asked myself all my life:
Have you ever thought what this life is for?
You're born. You die.
You struggle. You cry.
You suffer. You rant.
You're full. You sleep.
You're fulfilled. You forget.
You're numb. You're silent.

If it's really
You that this life is about,
Am I really needed?
Am I really wanted?

Yet the echoes of the quest go on.
Your answers feel like algae converting light to feed my days with
Hope that you embrace me, with
Fear that it will end when I still owe you  promises.

I can't answer it clearly until today.

It becomes like a love story
In which falling in love is either inserted with broken-hearted acceptance or ended with broken hearted let-go.

That I live for
You, because of
You, in
You, through
You is a journey between a lover longing for the beloved who might care but care; who might love but hate, who might exist but not exist.

Have you ever thought what this life is for? I said yes and yes and yes to
You, and for
You.

Guidance

Amouge, Guidance – it’s about you guiding me to you

bought it when in Sydney

slided the box out of the outer cover

one of my best gift to myself – a scent that guides

A Door

Learning, life, Poetic

A door, Beloved
Your way I take to enter
The way of loving--

some people said to me directly and some indirectly “my way or no way”

my life is like one-way highway with no U-turn with which the choice is chosen by itself, go ahead and that’s it! when I choose my way, the way becomes bumpy and muddy and not safe,

so I’ve never really thought about my way

letting it be instructed through my heart and follow Life’s way

so when some ask “my way or no way”, I’ll smile and think

maybe those people’s life has been so easy and smooth that all their way is running without any interruption or alteration or even 100% negotiation

maybe

but I again just smile and try to understand while waiting whose way is winning

Camouflage

Hiding in colours
Quiet, before partying again
With the same colours--

I realised that someone can show the world what’s the opposite to be able to do whatever they like behind the stage.

A man said to a woman that his parents didn’t approve the marriage with her so that he could marry another her.

A man marry a woman hiding his true sexual orientation. Once married people think he is a sexually straight, ignoring that he is giving hell to the woman who blindly loves him.

Skeleton in the cupboards — No!

camouflage to be exact

Honesty saves everyone’s time.

🙃

The Way

The way, Beloved
A way that is not one way
Made for everyone--

In the last discussion I said something unplanned. I just felt that it was the right way to say, to liberate the self that had refused to be molded or shaped with no consent.

“I feel that my journey has no pattern, I just flow, I’m always a human being in the making, I’m probably ever unfinished, always in progress”.

Today while doing the household chores, I’d been thinking if I really had no pattern. Brownian Movement, my favourite physical phenomenon that has always made me contemplate how random someone can be, is even seemingly random, yet it is statistically patterned; it’s just unpredictable. The zigzag movement will distribute particles evenly in the medium. Fabulous!

So of course I know I’m not that random.

Maybe I just need to sleep more to be more random. 🙃

the graph shows pattern

maybe I look like this to people not knowing me well & im ok with that ☺️

Home

A home, Beloved
Where heart hums to see beauty
In just greenery--

this is where my long weekend resides (Jogja, where Mount Merapi & Prambanan Temple are pinned)

where I bike & walk in my free time, Singapore greenery

Changi Terminal 2, the airport that I mostly take off to fly out before always coming back to my second home, Singapore

Headache

Poetic

Headache, Beloved
Tiara with her gemstones
Glowing dignity--

I’d had headache for these past 3 days and no better even with the super meds called Paramex 🙂 I took one-day medical leave to meet the doc then on Friday I worked from home to gain more comfort while working.

I kept complaining until just now realizing that this was that I felt before; it was when I had a growth inside my brain untreated. The headache was significantly reduced (up to 99% by my gross calculation: from everyday to once in several months like this time).

How I thank God that this headache has tried reminding me that this time I feel so much better than before, the years of constant headache every single day.

Ah! Thank you!

Thank you for the realization that life shall have sickness to know that health is a true blessing. Then both sickness & health are blessings indeed.

Thank you!

if my headaches in those years to be exchanged with a head piece, I want a tiara with diamond & emerald – elegantly pressing the head for beauty & dignity

New Year

New year, Beloved
An open door with a smile
Keeping soul leaping--

welcome the new year of Javanese lunar year cum Islamic new year

Fallen

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

Gravity, my love
Pulls me to Mother Earth's lap
To be just like her.

Start The Day

Start the day, my love
With bright eyes and dancing tongue.
A day to excite--

a bowl of “pempek from Palembang & “sambal ijo” from Padang with a piece of boiled duck leg starting my day

time to clean the house & packing for tomorrow’s exciting trip 😍

A Gift

Learning, Poetic, This Person

A gift, Beloved
Breeze bringing a good fragrance
Keeping me with you.

I bought a box of gift for myself – perfume 💗

patchouli is one of my favourite fragrances, it is mostly harvested in Indonesia — there’s a documentary about how patchouli farmers are ‘exploited” for perfume industry

I’m cruelly aware that my liking to scent is making me part of the exploitation. What should I do?

….thinking in awareness & with compassion

The Psychology of Stupidity

Learning, This Person

She's stupid, my Love
Following honest heart, then
She needs huge to cure.

Lucky to find this book in Periplus of Soetta Airport T3 – time to get cured from wound of falling by my own stupidity

Thanks for obviously showing my stupidity this weekend. I’ll write the word stupid (tolol in Bahasa Indonesia) 1000 times to ensure I remember I am.

💕

Heart Journey

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person

Your plodding footsteps
Call me to keep this journey
To where sunrise is.

Wherever I go as long as I’m following my honesty, I’m meeting with you.

I’ve tried denying that life is just a matter of birth to death & struggling between those two, but no life is not that indeed — pain is inevitable but suffering is optional so I prefer put always lightheartedness and useful meaning to steps of life.

One day which is today I plant my believe more deeply as I also believe that this tree of life is not only one growing for a while; this tree of life needs strong & stubborn roots to support itself to the end of universe life.

Thank you for this beautiful life, Beloved. Whatever I’ve gone through is beauty that leads me to the reality of life:

You

Scent of This Hair

Learning, Poetic, This Person

The scent that is spread
Is that that I've missed so long.
It's in my own hair.

I was in Sydney and finally found this that I’d wanted so long. Once I thought I would love the Jasmine but this attracted me more strongly.

Siapa Guru? (in Bahasa Indonesia)