Old dreams are dangling
Ready to sprout but doubtful
Seeing grasshoppers.
——
three dangling charms with a daruma flying north tonight
Dangling
Author: rike jokanan
Me, now here
Today’s Lunch
Alhamdulillah 💕
rawon-based fried rice
trust me good palate will not easily move on from rawon! 💕
supposed to be microwaved, yet fried — yum yum! 💕
Music Is Curing
Regulated noise
Tidies up moods and work pace.
Music is curing.
——
no worry, beloved — what’s messy can be tidied up with the right tempo and pitch in music 💕
loving this sweetheart! 💕
Hatred Was Love
Hatred, Beloved
Never a choice; it is love—
Once got hurt then lost.
(haiku at lunch break)
——
osho, the king in shogi (Japanese chess)
About shogi the Japanese chess
Eyes to Moon
Eyes remember to
Blink to the moon downloading
Forgotten stories.
——
Japanese kanji for eyes
Dark Sky
Dark sky reveals stars
That gleam sending signs of life
That glows silently.
——
rawon aka dark soup that has become the most delivious soup on earth
i left it in the fridge to fly back to Indonesia on Jul 30 and today arriving home my first after unpacking was heating it up for my lunch and dinner 💕
amazingly yummy!
Land
A pair of strong wings
Bring me to a land of thoughts
Where hope shines the light.
——
landed home after burying hope to grow with flowers and spreading love with billowing incense smoke
Lovely
You’re lovely
Like the songs in my heart.
Unluckily
You belong to another heart.
Verily
You’d thrown me to a new start.
Luckily
You didn’t break my hope apart.
Hopefully
My life again to bloom.
Undoubtedly
You feel ease in the room.
Life is rich and enriches,
Full of sad and happy surprises.
——
one of my good friends is a handicrafter; this bag was just completed 2 days ago and delivered yesterday
my mother said “lovely”
“do you want it?”, said i
“is that ok if i take it?” she said
“why not, Ina can make a new one for me” said i.
i am happy to make my mother happy with a happy (unintentional) surprise 💕
Reborn
When I am reborn in the next life, I want to be like Jisun traveling with my mother and aunt to enjoy life.
💕
11 in 23
11 in 23
Can’t say clearly more
About 2 numbers
That are in sequence: one, two, three;
That are prime: singly operated by one and itself.
Happy anniversary!
——
I started writing diary when I was a six grader of elementary school. My golden years of diary writing was around 6 years in junior and senior high school — honest stories, mostly quoting people’s word verbatim, hand written beautifully, locked and un-shared.
WordPress is my diary, not as naked and straightforward as my younger diaries, yet all writings are genuine expressions about daily life wrapped in love language. Whatever the stories are, love is always the core and the cover.
Thanks, WordPress for being a place for me to sing my days with my own lyrics, rhymes and rhythms. I don’t like to be misunderstood yet I don’t mind being differently interpreted by different people — their misunderstanding is not a result of my creative process, it is the result of their own lack of clarity about their own inner journey.
In my life, in this WordPress, anywhere I am an open humble book but I am kept among reference collection.
11 years of being a reference collection in the library of everything. Yay!
More years to count!
took off from Multiply in 2007, landed in WordPress in 2012 — this journey is on
Singapore National Day
Thanks for becoming my second home. You’re the best protection to this humble self.
I bless you. 💕
Mosquito
Mosquito’s buzzing,
Scarier than it’s biting
Ears though can’t complain.
——
when i said to my friends that i wanted this, they chorused high toned answer “no, it is not Japan, with this type of water garden, you’ll be mosquitos’ daily party here!” 😁
View Finder
The light that is in,
The angle that frames, both play
To find the best view.
——
About Tugu Yogyakarta
photo taken while my friend was driving fast to avoid some motorbikes; i’ve missed the opportunity of taking its picture many times, this time no although not from a nice point of view
Dripping
This heart is leaking.
Droplets of love are dripping,
Fertilising life.
——
About wedang uwuh
wedang uwuh, a favourite beverage in breezy night of Jogja
inside wedang uwuh
Lovely Friendship
The spell of friendship
Is not F R I E N D S H I P.
To spell friendship
Is to put some magical words
To a bond
So it lasts forever
In love.
My friends put a spell on me.
I put a spell on them.
We put a spell on each other
To stay together
Gleaming like stars
In a cluster
Or in different ones blinking to each other.
How beautiful friendship is
When bonded with genuine drops
Of souls
And
Adorned with true colours
Of hearts.
How real friendship is
When soul and heart
Are sprinkled on to
A life that hopes
And loves.
——
this book of friendship — no where to find in souvenir shop but found in the heart of friends
fun and true and real and genuine 💕 friendship with my beloved nephews
Thank You
What can you say to that
That you love so much
That that love can never have enough to express?
It’s
Thank you
Very much
For you
The way
You are.
——
My nephew’s recent death has taught me one biggest letting go.
When my father died, I cried little knowing that with his illness he would not survive for long. I was kind of prepared for his passing away. Yet when my nephew got an accident and got unconscious on Jul 29, I was shocked; and when hearing that he passed away the next morning, the feeling was mixed between sadness and regret.
The shock that he left us in young age with many dreams to reach and the regret that many things were not yet expressed to him were two immediate realities to face.
He was 22, very handsome, very kind hearted, talented artist, great entertainer in family and around friends, had a lot of dreams, had a lot of fixed plans with me and his cousins (yes, they are my best young friends to explore life). What’s more from a young man can have than those?
What regrets do I have?
I should have told him that I loved loved loved him soooo much although he was just a nephew and not a son. I should have told him that I had much much much more money to give him everything he needed although it was not my responsibility to give him anything. I should have brought him to Jazz Gunung Bromo with Arya although he and Ocka hadn’t got booster shot. I should have told him that all trips were purchased and he just had to pack. I should have done this. I should have done that.
I won’t forget how he checked now and then whether my illnesses were gradually cured, reminded me to take medication religiously, sent me my mother’s candid pictures, sent his picture eating or just dancing foolishly, reminded me to buy his favourite perfume once a year (he loved Hugo Boss), and so on and so forth all those simple gestures that I love the most about people.
Many especially his parents regret his death yet I believe that his passing away in one prime time is an achievement. He had made many people happy. He had entertained people the best he could. He hadn’t made too many mistakes. He hadn’t regretted a lot of things. He hadn’t misled too many people with wrong life messages. The timing was just the best!
After several days our tears are getting less and less, the torture of holding on has changed to the bitter sweet reality of releasing a beloved that departs to a better place. Our family has learnt good lessons from what he had brought as a self in life. We thank him. We bless him. We so much love him.
Good things about and by him are disclosed after his death. Hundreds of friends and acquaintances attending every day of his funeral reception (1st to 7th day after the funeral day in Javanese tradition) told short and long stories about his fun, kind hearted, witty, hilarious, generous, somewhat crazily fun nature. How could he be that selfless with his limited resources? That itself has put us in a better feeling, accepting that his life was never wasted.
His videos and pictures are scattered everywhere in social media uploaded and shared by family and hundreds of friends and acquaintances so when we miss him, we just click a link and good memory is beautifully played.
2023 has brought me a lot of lessons of letting go yet this one is the biggest and the hardest.
I thank this boy for being part of my life for the past 22 years. I have no regret of being his best friend at the same time his selfish aunt.
I thank him for loving me in his way with all his wit, laughter, surprises, and sweetness.
I thank him for teaching me how to forgive the unforgivable and forget the unforgettable.
I love you so much and let you go.
Thank You, God for giving me the life in which I learn about loving and letting go, accepting and giving and contributing, all with joy and in joy.
Salaam.
he loves Bali so much and wanted to live there — this was our trip to Bali in Dec 2022 that should be repeated next Sep to celebrate my birthday 💕 cancelled ♥️
he was to fly to Bali on Aug 1, two days after he passed away — in his last trip to Bali with me and his cousin Ocka he said “let’s get back next year” so I will get back to Bali to tell his beloved island that he is passing away, back home where he is residing in paradise — thank you, boy for being you in the life of this self, you’re so much loved and remembered 💕
we are not mourning anymore — we are celebrating his life truly 💕
On A Rope
A rope might help
To travel to the other side,
Yet it might be not.
Being in the other side
Is not always wise
As a wise is
That that means
Decision for the right.
Right time
Right place
Right person
That might be
Not right:
Not always right amount
Not always right distance
Not always right calculation.
This rope is right
Only when it is about
Knowing that pulling or releasing
Are both hurting
Right where and when it is decided to.
this?
this one is wiser for now 💕
might not be the right one, yet being relaxed and easy is sometimes the right one for now — i just don’t want to think too much; wisdom is not always hard 💕
Remote & Intimate
💕
work from remote in people’s thought
it is more than enough to have this in my work from remote to accompany my mother and….
…. to take off celebrating what good about life – one of them is he whose love to life is like cool water 😁 💕
Memory of Fun
Vito and Ocka in fun flash rehearsal in the costume storage room 😁😘
💕
his life was about fun and memory about him should be about fun, too
Never-ending Prayer
In a prayer
Millions of pearls
Are dangling
In a line of blessings
Letting go off
What is called
Attachment,
Co-dependency,
And ignorance.
When darkness traps
What is called hope,
It is love
That keeps it sparked
And sparkling
Before it is free,
Traveling light
On a beautiful orbit.
——
my boy, I commit to celebrate your life and dreams instead — be always in our heart; you are so much loved, you are always remembered 💕
alfatihaah 💕
Selfish To Selfless
Time flies
Space shrinks
Moment signifies
Does it even matter?
You farewelled
Sweetly to all,
Yet no one knew
Until you departed.
This selfish self
Has learnt selflessness
That it is about forgiving regrets
And escorting you to the grand gate.
We weeped heavy tears,
You’ve left long love trails.
We thought we loved you,
You’ve ignored our selfish wails.
You smiled at the long line
That witnessed your selfless joy.
We smiled to you, thanking life
For giving privilege of having that boy.
Thank you
For magically turning us
From egoistical arrogance
To considerate beings.
Thank you,
My dear boy.
——
Gathering after his funeral, most of us shared about our experiences with him in his life time. Most of stories were his witty strength, social awareness and artistic talents. Many were also about how much he ate — he was not a picky eater.
Yet some kept saying “I can’t stop crying”, “I was one of those giving him last sacred bath”, “I trembled one night before he passed away”, “Why did you leave me?”, “I am so lonely without him around”, blahblahblah of all expressions showing how people experience you. Great self you are!
Yet does it matter? We mostly are all regretting what we didn’t do what we should have done with and to you. We mostly have difficult time to forgive ourselves for not doing so with and to you.
It is about you — all the administration and ceremonies. Yet at the end it is about forgiving ourselves from what we have regretted and about accepting that you are not physically around anymore.
You? Vito, you pass this cycle and enjoy the happiness beyond our joy!
My tears will dry; yet my love will keep flowing to you.
💕
Salaam.
we’ll continue striving for what you’ve always dreamt of — loving family and wise fun personality!
people said it is the longest line of funeral procession for a young man of an ordinary family — everyone said it is because of your true and selfless self
Pink Rose
As pink
As rose
My heart
Chants you
Forever
As love
That throbs
Through blood
And tears
And breath
And words
In heart
And body
And mind
And spirit
And soul
you might not like pink rose but this is the most beautiful petals with which i can sprinkle with the least tears for your no-turn-back journey 💕
our last Bali tour with Ocka was our most testing trip — the rain and storm and damn how would you stop driving every three hours and said “Mbak, i am hungry i can die driving” 😁
our love is about laughter and wit ♥️
my broken heart in romance has turned to a minuscule particle compared to my broken heart of losing my beloved nephew
Run Free, My Boy!
My tears will dry
But my love will keep flowing
Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me.
💕
you were young yet always the one giving me wise words to keep being my own self — you were right “you are alone but never lonely, look at your poems, all struck me with fire to stay strong!”
you were poorer than me yet always the one telling me to keep positive yet humble
you were as fun as my soul won’t be yet you are a soul as wise as my wisdom can’t be
what about our next trips that must be cancelled? you just walk and leave me a beautiful gaping hole in my heart
we love you with or without words, we lose you with or without tears
I LOVE YOU AND WE’LL MEET AGAIN IN A BETTER PLACE AND TIME
Books To Breathe
Have a seat, dear friends.
Breathe this home before our chat.
Leave the heat outside.
Pages of shapes and colours,
Tell them to bring their best selves.
——
Coffee table books are good to make guests relaxed before longer chat with me and at the same time to lay foundation of the chat. Not all guests visit me to chill out; some do to ask for help that might make it difficult for them to start a convo, so some flash reading can help them break the ice and sometimes for the host to loop back to the ice breakers when strategising to refuse unreasonable requests. 😉
Just fyi, some people don’t easily give up “selling misery to get a buy-in”, so be softly tough; one exquisite coffee table book might not even work.
About coffee table books
coffee table books taking turn monthly to welcome my friends
this book contains reproduced masterpieces of world’s well-known painters; the characters in the original paintings are all replaced by cats
all reproductions are by Susan Herbert
thank you, Ma’am for your art! 🙏🏼
here is very few from a total of 140 illustrations
The Beguiling of Merlin — Edward Burne-Jones, 1872-7
A Couple — Pierre Auguste-Renoir c. 1868
The Milkmaid — Johannes Vermeer c. 1660
The Child’s Bath — Mary Bassat, 1893
this is originally not a coffee table book but i will make it one — currently reading it 👏🏼
always suitable anytime so it will be forever on the table accompanied by the monthly one — only women have this power 😊
Be Happy, Beloved
I won’t, Beloved
Take you from what completes you.
Your here now is that, not this.
This garden with lemongrass
Is my here and now I love.
——
Ibu sent me this picture that she took by herself after forever saying “I can’t take good pictures like you, don’t ask me any” — 3 slices of some cake I bought online (sold through Twitter) and delivered directly to her ♥️
she said “thank you for the ‘spikoek’, it is amazingly yummy”
my mother’s love is so huge that i don’t realise like seeing a sheet of paper from 1 millimeter away 💕
i am enough with a few humble friends that truly understand me so i won’t anymore beg friendship from that not even wanting to know who i am 😁
Flush Me Once!
Or once again!
And again!
And again!
Oh I am still in your head?
Once again!
What? Still there?
Once again!
In your heart?
Alamak…. Just let her go? 😂
Some people don’t know that flushing is about letting go.
😂
one toilet cubicle in Changi Airport Singapore 😂
Bloom
This heart blooms and blooms
Leaving quiet budding season,
Emerging from mud.
——
One of my friends complained why all my poems are about love, like I am either falling in love or broken hearted day by day.
After some time of chat and juice against wine glasses that friend answered one’s own question.
“Ya! Life is about loving: smoothly or broken-heartedly. Now I know what you mean. I thought all were about romance! Ahhh!”
I tried a sip of wine from that friend’s glass.
“You’ll get drunk more at home and write more love poems!” Said that friend laughing.
“Yes, I won’t give up this love whatever interpretation is thrown about me to me. I am thankful enough to have very few true friends who understand.”
Salaam.
true love is too tasteless for those weighing it with money; yet too complex for those weighing it with faith — for those not knowing the true secrets behind words, love is just a marriage between distrust and fear hidden in sparkling plastic 🙃 i know love is still beautiful whether it is well understood or misunderstood 💕
Good Day
Good day is good hope
Lining waiting for handling
By heart that sees light.
Dance, Beloved. Welcome the day.
The gate opens wide with smiles.
——
the view from in front of my door; seeing the reservoir has always energised me 💕
even 2024 looks good from here 🙏🏼
Friends
We fight
We peace
We laugh
We cry
We tease
We toast
We friend
We dance!
We grow
We flow
We age
We page!
What goes around
Comes around,
And friends
Are best to count.
——
Some of my colleagues are very good friends of mine. We genuinely talk as friends outside of work term. They invite me for drinking without making me drink what they drink. We celebrate birthdays together and deeply share some ideas of how life is.
This and next weeks we meet for work and have good chances to meet almost every day after all back to back meetings. Lunch and dinner can be the best time to insert some teasing and sharing and blessing.
We are growing old but still excited of what we are doing at work.
Thanks for pur wonderful life celebration.
Salaam.
growing old and mature is a luxury; let’s enjoy it with true friends 💕
Cuty Orchid
surprise that keeps coming might not be surprising anymore 😊💕
rike jokanan 
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