This heart is leaking.
Droplets of love are dripping,
Fertilising life.
——
About wedang uwuh
wedang uwuh, a favourite beverage in breezy night of Jogja
inside wedang uwuh
Dripping
Category: Learning
Lovely Friendship
The spell of friendship
Is not F R I E N D S H I P.
To spell friendship
Is to put some magical words
To a bond
So it lasts forever
In love.
My friends put a spell on me.
I put a spell on them.
We put a spell on each other
To stay together
Gleaming like stars
In a cluster
Or in different ones blinking to each other.
How beautiful friendship is
When bonded with genuine drops
Of souls
And
Adorned with true colours
Of hearts.
How real friendship is
When soul and heart
Are sprinkled on to
A life that hopes
And loves.
——
this book of friendship — no where to find in souvenir shop but found in the heart of friends
fun and true and real and genuine 💕 friendship with my beloved nephews
Thank You
What can you say to that
That you love so much
That that love can never have enough to express?
It’s
Thank you
Very much
For you
The way
You are.
——
My nephew’s recent death has taught me one biggest letting go.
When my father died, I cried little knowing that with his illness he would not survive for long. I was kind of prepared for his passing away. Yet when my nephew got an accident and got unconscious on Jul 29, I was shocked; and when hearing that he passed away the next morning, the feeling was mixed between sadness and regret.
The shock that he left us in young age with many dreams to reach and the regret that many things were not yet expressed to him were two immediate realities to face.
He was 22, very handsome, very kind hearted, talented artist, great entertainer in family and around friends, had a lot of dreams, had a lot of fixed plans with me and his cousins (yes, they are my best young friends to explore life). What’s more from a young man can have than those?
What regrets do I have?
I should have told him that I loved loved loved him soooo much although he was just a nephew and not a son. I should have told him that I had much much much more money to give him everything he needed although it was not my responsibility to give him anything. I should have brought him to Jazz Gunung Bromo with Arya although he and Ocka hadn’t got booster shot. I should have told him that all trips were purchased and he just had to pack. I should have done this. I should have done that.
I won’t forget how he checked now and then whether my illnesses were gradually cured, reminded me to take medication religiously, sent me my mother’s candid pictures, sent his picture eating or just dancing foolishly, reminded me to buy his favourite perfume once a year (he loved Hugo Boss), and so on and so forth all those simple gestures that I love the most about people.
Many especially his parents regret his death yet I believe that his passing away in one prime time is an achievement. He had made many people happy. He had entertained people the best he could. He hadn’t made too many mistakes. He hadn’t regretted a lot of things. He hadn’t misled too many people with wrong life messages. The timing was just the best!
After several days our tears are getting less and less, the torture of holding on has changed to the bitter sweet reality of releasing a beloved that departs to a better place. Our family has learnt good lessons from what he had brought as a self in life. We thank him. We bless him. We so much love him.
Good things about and by him are disclosed after his death. Hundreds of friends and acquaintances attending every day of his funeral reception (1st to 7th day after the funeral day in Javanese tradition) told short and long stories about his fun, kind hearted, witty, hilarious, generous, somewhat crazily fun nature. How could he be that selfless with his limited resources? That itself has put us in a better feeling, accepting that his life was never wasted.
His videos and pictures are scattered everywhere in social media uploaded and shared by family and hundreds of friends and acquaintances so when we miss him, we just click a link and good memory is beautifully played.
2023 has brought me a lot of lessons of letting go yet this one is the biggest and the hardest.
I thank this boy for being part of my life for the past 22 years. I have no regret of being his best friend at the same time his selfish aunt.
I thank him for loving me in his way with all his wit, laughter, surprises, and sweetness.
I thank him for teaching me how to forgive the unforgivable and forget the unforgettable.
I love you so much and let you go.
Thank You, God for giving me the life in which I learn about loving and letting go, accepting and giving and contributing, all with joy and in joy.
Salaam.
he loves Bali so much and wanted to live there — this was our trip to Bali in Dec 2022 that should be repeated next Sep to celebrate my birthday 💕 cancelled ♥️
he was to fly to Bali on Aug 1, two days after he passed away — in his last trip to Bali with me and his cousin Ocka he said “let’s get back next year” so I will get back to Bali to tell his beloved island that he is passing away, back home where he is residing in paradise — thank you, boy for being you in the life of this self, you’re so much loved and remembered 💕
we are not mourning anymore — we are celebrating his life truly 💕
On A Rope
A rope might help
To travel to the other side,
Yet it might be not.
Being in the other side
Is not always wise
As a wise is
That that means
Decision for the right.
Right time
Right place
Right person
That might be
Not right:
Not always right amount
Not always right distance
Not always right calculation.
This rope is right
Only when it is about
Knowing that pulling or releasing
Are both hurting
Right where and when it is decided to.
this?
this one is wiser for now 💕
might not be the right one, yet being relaxed and easy is sometimes the right one for now — i just don’t want to think too much; wisdom is not always hard 💕
Remote & Intimate
💕
work from remote in people’s thought
it is more than enough to have this in my work from remote to accompany my mother and….
…. to take off celebrating what good about life – one of them is he whose love to life is like cool water 😁 💕
Memory of Fun
Vito and Ocka in fun flash rehearsal in the costume storage room 😁😘
💕
his life was about fun and memory about him should be about fun, too
Never-ending Prayer
In a prayer
Millions of pearls
Are dangling
In a line of blessings
Letting go off
What is called
Attachment,
Co-dependency,
And ignorance.
When darkness traps
What is called hope,
It is love
That keeps it sparked
And sparkling
Before it is free,
Traveling light
On a beautiful orbit.
——
my boy, I commit to celebrate your life and dreams instead — be always in our heart; you are so much loved, you are always remembered 💕
alfatihaah 💕
Selfish To Selfless
Time flies
Space shrinks
Moment signifies
Does it even matter?
You farewelled
Sweetly to all,
Yet no one knew
Until you departed.
This selfish self
Has learnt selflessness
That it is about forgiving regrets
And escorting you to the grand gate.
We weeped heavy tears,
You’ve left long love trails.
We thought we loved you,
You’ve ignored our selfish wails.
You smiled at the long line
That witnessed your selfless joy.
We smiled to you, thanking life
For giving privilege of having that boy.
Thank you
For magically turning us
From egoistical arrogance
To considerate beings.
Thank you,
My dear boy.
——
Gathering after his funeral, most of us shared about our experiences with him in his life time. Most of stories were his witty strength, social awareness and artistic talents. Many were also about how much he ate — he was not a picky eater.
Yet some kept saying “I can’t stop crying”, “I was one of those giving him last sacred bath”, “I trembled one night before he passed away”, “Why did you leave me?”, “I am so lonely without him around”, blahblahblah of all expressions showing how people experience you. Great self you are!
Yet does it matter? We mostly are all regretting what we didn’t do what we should have done with and to you. We mostly have difficult time to forgive ourselves for not doing so with and to you.
It is about you — all the administration and ceremonies. Yet at the end it is about forgiving ourselves from what we have regretted and about accepting that you are not physically around anymore.
You? Vito, you pass this cycle and enjoy the happiness beyond our joy!
My tears will dry; yet my love will keep flowing to you.
💕
Salaam.
we’ll continue striving for what you’ve always dreamt of — loving family and wise fun personality!
people said it is the longest line of funeral procession for a young man of an ordinary family — everyone said it is because of your true and selfless self
Pink Rose
As pink
As rose
My heart
Chants you
Forever
As love
That throbs
Through blood
And tears
And breath
And words
In heart
And body
And mind
And spirit
And soul
you might not like pink rose but this is the most beautiful petals with which i can sprinkle with the least tears for your no-turn-back journey 💕
our last Bali tour with Ocka was our most testing trip — the rain and storm and damn how would you stop driving every three hours and said “Mbak, i am hungry i can die driving” 😁
our love is about laughter and wit ♥️
my broken heart in romance has turned to a minuscule particle compared to my broken heart of losing my beloved nephew
Run Free, My Boy!
My tears will dry
But my love will keep flowing
Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me.
💕
you were young yet always the one giving me wise words to keep being my own self — you were right “you are alone but never lonely, look at your poems, all struck me with fire to stay strong!”
you were poorer than me yet always the one telling me to keep positive yet humble
you were as fun as my soul won’t be yet you are a soul as wise as my wisdom can’t be
what about our next trips that must be cancelled? you just walk and leave me a beautiful gaping hole in my heart
we love you with or without words, we lose you with or without tears
I LOVE YOU AND WE’LL MEET AGAIN IN A BETTER PLACE AND TIME
Books To Breathe
Have a seat, dear friends.
Breathe this home before our chat.
Leave the heat outside.
Pages of shapes and colours,
Tell them to bring their best selves.
——
Coffee table books are good to make guests relaxed before longer chat with me and at the same time to lay foundation of the chat. Not all guests visit me to chill out; some do to ask for help that might make it difficult for them to start a convo, so some flash reading can help them break the ice and sometimes for the host to loop back to the ice breakers when strategising to refuse unreasonable requests. 😉
Just fyi, some people don’t easily give up “selling misery to get a buy-in”, so be softly tough; one exquisite coffee table book might not even work.
About coffee table books
coffee table books taking turn monthly to welcome my friends
this book contains reproduced masterpieces of world’s well-known painters; the characters in the original paintings are all replaced by cats
all reproductions are by Susan Herbert
thank you, Ma’am for your art! 🙏🏼
here is very few from a total of 140 illustrations
The Beguiling of Merlin — Edward Burne-Jones, 1872-7
A Couple — Pierre Auguste-Renoir c. 1868
The Milkmaid — Johannes Vermeer c. 1660
The Child’s Bath — Mary Bassat, 1893
this is originally not a coffee table book but i will make it one — currently reading it 👏🏼
always suitable anytime so it will be forever on the table accompanied by the monthly one — only women have this power 😊
Be Happy, Beloved
I won’t, Beloved
Take you from what completes you.
Your here now is that, not this.
This garden with lemongrass
Is my here and now I love.
——
Ibu sent me this picture that she took by herself after forever saying “I can’t take good pictures like you, don’t ask me any” — 3 slices of some cake I bought online (sold through Twitter) and delivered directly to her ♥️
she said “thank you for the ‘spikoek’, it is amazingly yummy”
my mother’s love is so huge that i don’t realise like seeing a sheet of paper from 1 millimeter away 💕
i am enough with a few humble friends that truly understand me so i won’t anymore beg friendship from that not even wanting to know who i am 😁
Flush Me Once!
Or once again!
And again!
And again!
Oh I am still in your head?
Once again!
What? Still there?
Once again!
In your heart?
Alamak…. Just let her go? 😂
Some people don’t know that flushing is about letting go.
😂
one toilet cubicle in Changi Airport Singapore 😂
Bloom
This heart blooms and blooms
Leaving quiet budding season,
Emerging from mud.
——
One of my friends complained why all my poems are about love, like I am either falling in love or broken hearted day by day.
After some time of chat and juice against wine glasses that friend answered one’s own question.
“Ya! Life is about loving: smoothly or broken-heartedly. Now I know what you mean. I thought all were about romance! Ahhh!”
I tried a sip of wine from that friend’s glass.
“You’ll get drunk more at home and write more love poems!” Said that friend laughing.
“Yes, I won’t give up this love whatever interpretation is thrown about me to me. I am thankful enough to have very few true friends who understand.”
Salaam.
true love is too tasteless for those weighing it with money; yet too complex for those weighing it with faith — for those not knowing the true secrets behind words, love is just a marriage between distrust and fear hidden in sparkling plastic 🙃 i know love is still beautiful whether it is well understood or misunderstood 💕
Good Day
Good day is good hope
Lining waiting for handling
By heart that sees light.
Dance, Beloved. Welcome the day.
The gate opens wide with smiles.
——
the view from in front of my door; seeing the reservoir has always energised me 💕
even 2024 looks good from here 🙏🏼
Friends
We fight
We peace
We laugh
We cry
We tease
We toast
We friend
We dance!
We grow
We flow
We age
We page!
What goes around
Comes around,
And friends
Are best to count.
——
Some of my colleagues are very good friends of mine. We genuinely talk as friends outside of work term. They invite me for drinking without making me drink what they drink. We celebrate birthdays together and deeply share some ideas of how life is.
This and next weeks we meet for work and have good chances to meet almost every day after all back to back meetings. Lunch and dinner can be the best time to insert some teasing and sharing and blessing.
We are growing old but still excited of what we are doing at work.
Thanks for pur wonderful life celebration.
Salaam.
growing old and mature is a luxury; let’s enjoy it with true friends 💕
Cuty Orchid
surprise that keeps coming might not be surprising anymore 😊💕
Little Life
Little life can’t survive, you said? Wrong! Look at this little friend!
⬇
️
never underestimate others; how much ever big you are, you will be belittled by your own regret 💕
Light Steps
There are steps prancing
On a line between two worlds
Within and without.
Lotus shows celebration,
Mud purification.
——
Twitter is getting louder and louder before election in Indonesia. Instagram is getting more and more showy with the holidays and parties coming.
I am happier not too much engaged with those two; Twitter is for me to keep abreast with political issues that help me make decision whom to vote in 2024 (I quit abstention this time after for the rest of my life) and Instagram is to tag and be tagged by family and friends. I am now even happier to have stopped stalking unnecessary accounts that made me scrolling and searching to gain nothing but sighs and shivers.
Only WordPress can hug me consistently warmly. Only WordPress can make me realise I have words to travel light, imagination to travel far, values and wisdom to travel with caution and good will to keep moving.
I am safe here.
💕
how warm and jazzy that place was; see you again, Jazz Gunung Bromo next year! I am happy to be part of your warmth and jazz! 🙏🏼
Restart
Ants wake up each day.
I do,too. The sun sees us
To bless a restart.
——
one busy ant in one bright morning
Heaven on Earth
Only by being true,
I find heaven.
They said it is after life,
Yet it is here now
Every time I see
Those who are true to me.
Good morning,
Real Heaven.
——
good bye, dunia tipu-tipu forever 💕
Surprise
Surprisingly
Life throws one surprise
After another
Of all types
To me who is cushioned
Only by submission
And genuineness.
How generous
Life is!
How intriguing it is
At the same time!
Dear, Life.
I don’t want any other way to love
You.
——
Life is full of astonishments to me. The most recent one was when I met the architect of my Jogja base home in Jazz Gunung Bromo without planning. I happened to know that she has been the bamboo stage designer of the annual jazz festival for the past 15 years! Yes, she is an architect cum bamboo artist.
We decided to ride a jeep together to see the sunrise the next morning before she returned to Jogja and I enjoyed my jazzy night.
A short fun meet up with a friend it became.
Thank you!
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
feeling so blessed to have met so many humble human beings in my life and it has made my life even more wonderful
Flowers Everywhere I Go
That Dance
That we have to dance
With beautiful souls that dance
Is sheer dance of life.
Dance, you who hope for the light;
These notes are jazzing for you.
——
the best from Jazz Gunung Bromo 💕
Night
Night is jazzy
With sparkling stars
Among the mountains
Wipe the fog down the slope
To send melodies
Of a warm heart.
——
started at 4pm — many were not yet seated yet look at the tribune 😍
Ermy Kulit, our 80’s jazz queen
Margie Segers
red for Primavera
blue
2 hilarious MC
The Second Brain
so vibrant
Yura Yunita in white 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Morning
Morning
My only time
That can be broken
But not damaged
Day and night
My only time
That can be merry
Without celebration
Life
My only time
That can kindle hope
Sweeping hatred away
——
the red in the tip of east side 💕
old jeeps to climb up to 3 spots to see the daily sunrise, this one is the lowest spot
Mount Bromo and her neighbourhood in one bright morning
the other side of the sea of sand
vertically
Mountains
Walking
Like mountains
Guarding the earth
Poking stars day and night
——
Mount Bromo, you’re magnificent — please bring up my love to my beloved 💕
Wonderful
Life’s full of wonders,
Giving awe at the right time
With blooming lotus.
——
sometimes snack from home tastes wonderful during traveling 😊 thank you!
Flowing
The water
Flowing
With singing ripples
The air
Flowing
With whistling whispers
The wrong
Flowing
With whirling apologies
The right
Flowing
With blessing forgiveness
The heart
Flowing
With reciting verses
The soul
Flowing
With chanting gratitudes
The music
Flowing
With dancing life
——
they bought it from amazon for me and keep it for my next visit— my prayer is flowing with never-ending ありがとう！
Relax
What is said
Can be misunderstood.
What is shown
Can be misinterpreted.
What is written
Can be misled.
Only those who clarifies
Will be clear.
Relax.
——
sometimes you just want to relax whatever whoever thinks of you 😊 ‘coz only those who really clarify will understand — those who guess too much will lose so much 😎
the seats
the door
the aisle
rike jokanan 
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