Budding

The orchid’s budding,
Silently showing the day
About ever hope.

just this afternoon I found the orchid hung behind the shower door is budding! thanks much! sorry for missing your beauty! be in your prime time when I am back home 🥰

Journey

Journey to the self
Takes a long and winding road,
Worth doing. Half done—

Human beings’ journey to understand one’s self is often unpredictable. I never wanted to visit Mecca and Medina yet because of my devotion to a mother, I agreed to go to ensure that she was safe and healthy. And the result was tremendous evolution of self. 💝

To Ibu: I miss you much today 😘

Alfatihah

Masjid Nabawi (Mosque of Prophet) in Medina — where I started strongly realising that there is a journey —a silent one— that I must commit 💝 someday I’ll be back with a clearer mind and a calmer heart yet the same level of “disobedience” and stubbornness 😁
where I witnessed how a human being’s karma is overtly paid off and showing the quality of a person visiting this place – my mother is a humble, kind and very very generous person and in this place she was greeted by sooo many female pilgrims from other countries, requested to take picture together, given a looooooooooot of food every day, given space once arriving in the mosque (her friends in her group were not that much) – me? oh of course she introduced me as her daughter cum translator and then was included in all her blessings 😝
the only person who could move my heart to finally go – thank you, Ibu; might not be a happy ending for me but was a best start of a journey 💝

where my heart was knocked from inside that the journey is within and silent, a precious gift — the physical is a gift wrap to respect whomever we wish 💝 (Masjidil Haram, Mecca)
a life long pilgrimage of mine 💝 a private, silent, almost secretive so only I and whom I most love know the milestones 💗 others are guessing and interpreting 🙏🏼

Dinner

The night’s getting old.
The light’s getting bright. Road’s, too.
Breeze’s humming hymns.

After a long day, I invited the two friends working with me to have dinner together. Not a treat, just a shared dinner as each of us are bound to integrity pledge— Go Dutch! Respected and appreciated! 🙏🏼

A Lebanese restaurant was recommended by one of them whose girlfriend loves eating Lebanese and Turkish food. The other agreed with any. And so we drove to Halab Penang, a Lebanese restaurant located in Lebuh Chulia (Chulia Street).

Being a Christian, one prayed religiously before eating, the other one also Christian yet didn’t seem to whisper any. Me? I know my Beloved hears me even when I speak with no voice. 😊

Thanks for today! Remember, dear friends the power of “only positive vibes are entertained”. 😊

See you next time.

Alfatihah for you both. 💕

Halab Penang from one angle, I should have taken the pic from the other angle whose pillar was decorated with beautiful calligraphy of Allah and Muhammad
a good colour in a good corner
we thank for what’s been blessed 💝

Winning (ranting)

You’re winning my heart
When my goal’s the same as yours.
After days of loss—

FIFA 2022 has brought controversial practices and surprises from the beginning. I don’t have further comments on those political, yet I am so happy with Saudi Arabia and Japan winning against Argentina and Germany. What a victory!

I wish they win again and again and those big names lose more to balance the celebration. It is just a game yet sometimes a game should be won by those who have been underdog. I am not discriminative. 😁

Twitter too has been so much more crowded with the euphoric tweets about FIFA 2022. Exciting, hilarious, entertaining, some envious, abusive, violent though. Yet how much ever I want to click a like to soooo many “sweet” tweets, I remember my promise of not doing so for some time now. Playing in Twitter is a bit scary, buzzers and scammers are freely working, sending me irresponsible messages; better play safe and observe only. Or probably just my algorithm— 🙂

FIFA! It’s been annual celebration for football lovers, refresher for bored routine dwellers. We, —our father, siblings, cousins and I— would watch the games through national TV station together even over midnight to indirectly cheer our favourite teams. In Indonesia “nobar = nonton bareng” aka watching together (at home, community centers, cafes) is very common to enjoy sports games, badminton and football in particular — many people will do wide screen with noises and costumes of real supporters as if watching onsite. Our favourite teams were Netherlands, Brazil and England so we would be the noisiest when watching them. Not Indonesia? Of course, not! We love our national team but they are not yet ready to go beyond the country borders especially with the current funny management. Someday, someday! 😍

In Malaysia now, yet none of the people met was eager to talk about FIFA so we just talked about annual holiday at lunch break while enjoying Kapitan’s biryani and tandoori chicken. Unfortunately…. Or fortunately so I fully focus on work 🤓

‘ll be in Japan next week and love to see how euphoric Japanese are about this victory. Hopefully they will show more relaxed look and behaviour this time with the excitement. So excited! 🤩

Salaam.

so happy to see the winner happy esp after playing against a big name
so happy to see the winner happy esp after playing against a big name
wave your flag, human! it’s not only religious but also joyous! 😍 like those Arabs in FIFA time 😘
clean your waste, human! it’s not only joyous but also religious! 😍 like those Japanese in FIFA time 😘

Good Day Always

If taste is ruling,
Let it rule with full belly.
That makes better day.

Never liking in-flight meal has made it important for me to eat before or (mostly) after flight. And I think eating before or after flight makes me healthier during flight (either sleeping or reading well 🙂) except when I found some passengers sitting next to me complaining about how awful the flight is, how not nice the food is, how blahblahblah….

Halloooow! Do you have other things than complaints? I don’t even know who you are. I don’t even think your modern countries suffer more than others. Or, is it true when people are raised with fewer problems, they will complain more?

Maybe they should bring their own food or even fly their own jet. 😝 I mean if they are accustomed to in-flight meal, they should take it or leave it. Don’t complain! If you can fly, it means you most probably have enough money to buy just a plate of rice. For first flyer, they should be excused. 🙂

That empty stomach sometimes make people cranky is probably true. Yet to me being hungry or empty stomach is good (even better than too full) but starving is not. Be patient, human. 4-8 hours of hunger won’t kill!

Salaam.

sate kambing 🥰 delivered to hotel room by a friend through Go-Food in Jakarta – a true surprise and delight; thank you!
sate ayam Madura 🥰 – another surprise and delight
lontong is our “compressed rice cake“, good to go with sate! 🥰 a surprise and delight
breakfast is sometimes mixed feelings of curiosity
mixed tastes of fried chicken, better than Jamie Oliver’s breakfast 😊 before another flight 🤩

Angel Number

Number gives signal.
Don’t miss it, superstition
That encourages.

unlocked, the combination was “coincidentally” turned to 444; no idea what has happened for the past one week a lot of angel numbers truly hit my curiosity – 4 is symbolising harmony and stability, in another numerology branch it indicates perfect family 💕 damn superstition! 😝

Disguised

Swaying then rocking,
You disguise either message
Bad or good. Still blessed—

it’s been 13 years after an experience of earthquake in Jakarta, today another earthquake shook and forced us to evacuate out of the building; quite a strong magnitude started like a mild swaying up to relatively medium rocking – thanks God for saving us, thanks God for showing me that the company’s evacuation protocol is well implemented 🙏🏼

The Journey (Big Panda and Tiny Dragon)

Two enter a gate
So they can end a journey
In a brand new start.

Found another book of “Big Panda and Tiny Dragon” by James Norbury in Changi Airport T3 today.

colour that is always stunning
an ever gate
feeling like an ever-incomplete being, the expansiveness is incredibly significant – there’s a need to see a vastness to finally realise that it’s all about accepting a limit
looking at the mirror
be scared as it is to experience 💗
heaven feels like flowing river – does it?
been lost physically and spiritually, and found too in both 💕
✌🏼
☕️
what’s next? 😍

9 (ranting)

Why 9? It’s just 9.
When counting 9, it brings 9.
9 is 9. Be 9.

Why 9?

Back to uni days I was very keen of learning numerology, slightly superstitious to certain level but it was very entertaining and encouraging. It doesn’t give me a lot of benefits in career but a little knowledge about numerology sometimes gives me unique perspective of problem solving; or hmmm at least good distraction. Based on numerology each number has meaning and energy. Different number, different meaning, different vibe, different luck.

Among all numbers my favourite is 1, 7, 9. Very personal. Yet I like to make it look reasonable and logical. 😊

bus 179 😎

What about those numbers?

1 – One is loyalty, dedication, unity, singularity. We are loyal when we “worship” one – the God, the love. Dedication is focusing on one – one company, one citizenship, one goal. Unity is multiple agreeing on one – unity in diversity. Singularity is uniqueness of one, no comparison – feel it when we’re alone, that’s who you are. My definition as individual being rules the game.

7 – Seven is pitu in Javanese, an abbreviation of pitulungan that means help, support. No one can live alone as social beings so helping and supporting each other is the only way to survive in society. Cultural definition rules the game.

9 – September the 9th month is my birth month. I was categorised to have a character of group 9 in one numerology class. Almost dead at 9. 9 is the only number that I adore because of its logical and scientific function. 9 is my lucky number! Both empirical and logical experiences rule the game.

Dear, my favourite numbers. When will my company stock price go up back to 179 again? That is the point of my favourite numbers ranting today!

Happy weekend!

one of special Math operations of 9
all the opposite sides of a dice add up to 7 – hey! I am not a gambler
1

Now Here

Now here is a point
Where start and finish collide.
A shadow of yours—

sometimes I just want to stay put where I am now with myself as with me I am complete 💕

Love Is

Two love birds singing
In a cage full of good food.
A choice to a love—

Love is…. ?

Love is…. ?

Love is…. ?

Damn! I can’t define it except that it is sometimes misunderstood with lust.

That it is often symbolised with a heart shape. Maybe most human beings believe love comes from the heart. Hey! Is that really the shape of a heart? Or just how we agree that it is a shape of the heart?

That it is discussed everywhere but also wasted everywhere.

What I believe love is a verb not a noun so without action, it is muted sooner or later. At the same time love is an energy that cannot be created or destroyed so it is there and will be there, yet it can transform and/or transfer between subjects. Compatibility (chemistry), heat (intensity), motion (intension), what else can change the form of love? (oops forgetting all the physics learnt when younger)…. Anyway, it transforms and transfers (circulates can be another word) between (or among if circulated) human beings. So, accept it.

I believe love is about interest that human being cannot select voluntarily. It is a blessing at the same time a curse. it can be love between two love birds inseparable, or Tom and Jerry entertainingly cruel for either of two, or as cold as Antarctica.

I believe love is the core power generator of life that if removed, life will disappear. Never give up love. Broken heart is just a milestone that brings a human being to deeper and deeper understanding about him/herself. Broken because of a crush? Broken because of family? Broken because of friendship? Broken because of work? Broken because of world reality? A human being can always fix it gradually with anger, disappointment then acceptance. Just don’t be broken because of yourself – you are the most precious for yourself.

I believe that the way someone loves evolves through time, and it will suit the person’s intention never not. There should not be regret of what has happened because of love. Yet it is a regret that some people still choose to constantly send covert or overt humiliation and torture to hurt intentionally and/or to disrespect further to those they don’t love, while the best way should be forgiving or clearly declaring clear disagreement. War is one of them. Yet liked or not, that is the evolution of loving.

This weekend comes with a basket full of lessons learnt, a heap of ideas to pour as blessings in writings that I can re-read someday in the future.

Thank you, Love. You are never wasted.

Alfatihah to all whom I love.

a love locket with a pair of love birds seen in Bangkok airport – I could not resist its charm! now it is a daily friend to my T key love pendant

Life Is

Life is a mystery. Human to solve it. Not always successful, yet it is worth doing.

Life is a gift. Human to thank for it. Not always easy, yet it is worth doing.

Life is a journey. Human to travel it. Not always smooth, yet it is worth doing.

Life is love. Human is to accept it. Not always sweet, yet it is worth doing.

Life is of this or that to be experienced. Human is to keep living within the given time, a line between two points. There is so much to take and give and I thank for everything — that I know when I know, that I know when I don’t know.

Will not ignore how precious this life is. Will always be patient with this self in experiencing it.

🙏🏼

clovers

Luck Vibes

Yellow lucky leaves
Pop up unexpectedly.
Answers to wishes.

Dream come true is not always with work only. It might be with some enchanted wishes, self encouragement, ranting when upset, sleeping when tired and beloved ones’ prayer — all acting as the x factor. In a package those can be summed up as human being determination.

Ignore those demotivating and/or disrespecting. They try to distract, but let them be out of the equation for a while. Just blow them a kiss. 😘

Weekend is a bridge between two islands. Walk on it slowly with a smile. Don’t forget to hum love songs. 💕

🍀

never found in my attempt to get a clover pendant to bring my birthday annual staycation wish come true; a pair of clover studs greeted me in Bangkok yesterday – won’t let a chance be a waste 🍀 i feel lucky most of the time – thank you!

Feel Good No Matter What

The room becomes bright
With two smiles under dim light.
Feel good with good sight.

—-

I met a good friend and he could not stop talking about how hard it has been for him to feel good behind his (nice) smile. He said that he is constantly in stress of silent competition at work or in loneliness far away from family. He said that people around him seem unhappy to see others happy.

Me: Normal! It happened to me when I was young. Getting older, it is easier to accept what is.

GF: You did compete? Unbelievable! You seem to have neither ambition to excel nor spirit to live. Low profile, high product yuck! Your motto sucks!

Me: I did lightly. You’re still young so just enjoy your competitiveness and being away from family. Make more friends and only one girlfriend. Some day you will be where I am now when nothing is worth chasing except cockroach to kill.

GF: So you feel good all the time?

Me: Most of the time only, not all the time lah… I am not a Barbie doll.

GF: Meaning you never have problem?

Me: Do I look like not having problem?

GF: I know you have problems and are sometimes upset about people.

Me: Ya, I do have problems. People confront me. I confront people. But I minimise blaming others. Most thing if not everything is about me making incorrect decisions. I am sometimes very very unhappy about others, too. I act boldly occasionally to show boundary.

GF: And you still can feel good when you are not happy?

feel good is contagious

Me: Yes, I have a lot of distractions ready: work, books, orchids, painting, people although mostly not them, biking, cooking. End the unhappy time fast.

GF: How?

Me: Distract yourself. Flip the coin to the other side. And remember feel good is contagious. At least you don’t look gloomy when you feel good.

GF: So how do you think I should feel good when my colleague stabs me in the back?

Me: Feel good that it is not you stabbing people in their back. Thank God for showing the real friends to you.

GF: Argh! I want to punch his face!

Me: Ouch! Will it make you feel good?

GF: Maybe, but makes me look not good, then makes me feel not good.

Me: Wow! You master it already!

GF: But don’t you realise some people will get offended even when we feel good and do things as we are? They think we are insensitive. They think we are ridiculing them.

Me: Why care? You only need your approval to do something that makes you feel good, with one condition: that you do it without intension of offending or hurting others.

GF: If they get offended?

Me: I…. Don’t…. Care….

GF: Okaaaaaay! Hey! How is the food?

Me: Not so good 😩 The worst tom yum on earth!

GF: Agree. So is it because you are not able to appreciate the food? And how do you minimise blaming others in this case?

Me: Of course I blame the chef! You think I am his mother? Let’s not be back to this restaurant again.

GF: 😂😂😂

Lessons learnt: stay away from chatty friends when hungry, be relaxed when talking to young men as they explode easily, find a good restaurant or cook your own tom yum, get older without grudge, avoid those disrespecting you, laugh joyfully

see you again, Bangkok! thank you for bringing me this funny friend and the APEC meeting 2022 😩 both make me feel like a good human being: acting wise to one and waking up early because of the other 😊

Desperate Lovers

Midnight is calling
With blaring sound in the aisle.
Desperate lovers—

Suddenly very loud voice of (maybe) two lovers walking down the aisle outside the hotel room laughing interrupted my sleep, and so interrupted my nightmare. Thank you and at the same time damn you!

Beloved, please send me back to slumberland again. 👀

❤️‍🩹

people say love is the answer but to me it is of too many unknown factors and elevations; too many assumptions and prejudices; why don’t people just say NO much earlier instead of vaguely communicating through codes and misleading messages – be free, desperate lovers, I am irrelevant to you
I just need a simple equation where only one unknown factor needs solution; this is my compatibility definition: simplicity, sincerity and trust; you are too good to be true; if you agree, set me free

Prancing in A Tunnel

A line of this heart remembers
What’s not even in memories.
Flowing clean river hidden in the sky—
The other line of this heart remembers
Only what’s imprinted through relations.
Murky pool standing around the earth—

Don’t have the right to be missed
With these limited memories.
This sky is hidden by the cloud—
Don’t have the right to be remembered
With absence of relations.
This earth is full of locked doors.

Can only miss what’s not imprinted.
Can only remember what’s hidden.
Still beautiful
Still amazing
Yet hidden
Yet secretive
Circled around between hearts
That read what’s not inky written.

There’s an end
To a dream.
It’s when coming true
Or coming dead.
And that’s the light at the end of a tunnel
Of light
Of wide spectrum
In which we’re prancing.

Choose your colour.

you don’t remember me, I do; you don’t see me, I do; you don’t hear me, I do; you don’t smell me, I do; you don’t taste me, I do; you don’t touch me, I do — when you close the door, I stay yet I’m blocked from you 💗

Too Good To Be True

Too good to be true,
Yet too long to be untrue;
A dangling long dream—

this song is an ever green for a love that is beyond reach 🥰
my sister introduced Frank Sinatra to me through this song; I love you Mbak Yuda, you’re a best sister
strong message from Banksy; thank you, Banksy!