The room becomes bright
With two smiles under dim light.
Feel good with good sight.
I met a good friend and he could not stop talking about how hard it has been for him to feel good behind his (nice) smile. He said that he is constantly in stress of silent competition at work or in loneliness far away from family. He said that people around him seem unhappy to see others happy.
Me: Normal! It happened to me when I was young. Getting older, it is easier to accept what is.
GF: You did compete? Unbelievable! You seem to have neither ambition to excel nor spirit to live. Low profile, high product yuck! Your motto sucks!
Me: I did lightly. You’re still young so just enjoy your competitiveness and being away from family. Make more friends and only one girlfriend. Some day you will be where I am now when nothing is worth chasing except cockroach to kill.
GF: So you feel good all the time?
Me: Most of the time only, not all the time lah… I am not a Barbie doll.
GF: Meaning you never have problem?
Me: Do I look like not having problem?
GF: I know you have problems and are sometimes upset about people.
Me: Ya, I do have problems. People confront me. I confront people. But I minimise blaming others. Most thing if not everything is about me making incorrect decisions. I am sometimes very very unhappy about others, too. I act boldly occasionally to show boundary.
GF: And you still can feel good when you are not happy?
Me: Yes, I have a lot of distractions ready: work, books, orchids, painting, people although mostly not them, biking, cooking. End the unhappy time fast.
Me: Distract yourself. Flip the coin to the other side. And remember feel good is contagious. At least you don’t look gloomy when you feel good.
GF: So how do you think I should feel good when my colleague stabs me in the back?
Me: Feel good that it is not you stabbing people in their back. Thank God for showing the real friends to you.
GF: Argh! I want to punch his face!
Me: Ouch! Will it make you feel good?
GF: Maybe, but makes me look not good, then makes me feel not good.
Me: Wow! You master it already!
GF: But don’t you realise some people will get offended even when we feel good and do things as we are? They think we are insensitive. They think we are ridiculing them.
Me: Why care? You only need your approval to do something that makes you feel good, with one condition: that you do it without intension of offending or hurting others.
GF: If they get offended?
Me: I…. Don’t…. Care….
GF: Okaaaaaay! Hey! How is the food?
Me: Not so good 😩 The worst tom yum on earth!
GF: Agree. So is it because you are not able to appreciate the food? And how do you minimise blaming others in this case?
Me: Of course I blame the chef! You think I am his mother? Let’s not be back to this restaurant again.
Lessons learnt: stay away from chatty friends when hungry, be relaxed when talking to young men as they explode easily, find a good restaurant or cook your own tom yum, get older without grudge, avoid those disrespecting you, laugh joyfully