One

One by one one makes dream come true one way or another. Best wishes.

me & friends in one trip

A Choice (ranting)

Which glass, Beloved?
The one that brings me to you
Enjoying the home—

In a call with a best friend just now I complained about the madness Twitter has brought to me. She didn’t say sweet words because she knew I didn’t need them. She preached me instead. 🙃

BF: Hey! You quit Twitter earlier with a good reason. You are back for a good reason. I know you support freedom of speech but for dumbass Twitter is to express hatred and stupidity— to throw up and to shit. Twitter is where the smart brave excel because of their endurance, the smart timid like us should only observe or have fun to survive and the stupid idiot wander around like hungry hyenas collaborating behind the screen destroying humanity. If you can’t take it, quit for the second time. Blah blah blah

BF: Or, go back to Facebook where some friends scrutinise whatever we do and give us sugar-coated words while laughing behind us or even stabbing in the back. Or, be busier in Instagram where people show their lavish life that might be fake; and where people especially you happily stalked your crush ha ha ha. Blah blah blah….

I have to agree with her though. WordPress is a home, serene and comfortable to stay warm and sane. Twitter is a market, busy and crowded but is worth visiting regularly. Instagram is a photo studio that should be visited only once in a while.

Me: Ya, ya…. Blog sites are still a home for me. I need Twitter to read some news, it’s like going shopping.

BF: Let’s go shopping again. We don’t need to look smart to go shopping. Just a bit of curiosity and bargaining position. I saw Fau follows you.

Me: Ya. I found her in one G20 tweet. Escaping from Facebook. She really suits Twitter the most.

Time for lunch!

Twitter
WordPress

Feel Good No Matter What

The room becomes bright
With two smiles under dim light.
Feel good with good sight.

—-

I met a good friend and he could not stop talking about how hard it has been for him to feel good behind his (nice) smile. He said that he is constantly in stress of silent competition at work or in loneliness far away from family. He said that people around him seem unhappy to see others happy.

Me: Normal! It happened to me when I was young. Getting older, it is easier to accept what is.

GF: You did compete? Unbelievable! You seem to have neither ambition to excel nor spirit to live. Low profile, high product yuck! Your motto sucks!

Me: I did lightly. You’re still young so just enjoy your competitiveness and being away from family. Make more friends and only one girlfriend. Some day you will be where I am now when nothing is worth chasing except cockroach to kill.

GF: So you feel good all the time?

Me: Most of the time only, not all the time lah… I am not a Barbie doll.

GF: Meaning you never have problem?

Me: Do I look like not having problem?

GF: I know you have problems and are sometimes upset about people.

Me: Ya, I do have problems. People confront me. I confront people. But I minimise blaming others. Most thing if not everything is about me making incorrect decisions. I am sometimes very very unhappy about others, too. I act boldly occasionally to show boundary.

GF: And you still can feel good when you are not happy?

feel good is contagious

Me: Yes, I have a lot of distractions ready: work, books, orchids, painting, people although mostly not them, biking, cooking. End the unhappy time fast.

GF: How?

Me: Distract yourself. Flip the coin to the other side. And remember feel good is contagious. At least you don’t look gloomy when you feel good.

GF: So how do you think I should feel good when my colleague stabs me in the back?

Me: Feel good that it is not you stabbing people in their back. Thank God for showing the real friends to you.

GF: Argh! I want to punch his face!

Me: Ouch! Will it make you feel good?

GF: Maybe, but makes me look not good, then makes me feel not good.

Me: Wow! You master it already!

GF: But don’t you realise some people will get offended even when we feel good and do things as we are? They think we are insensitive. They think we are ridiculing them.

Me: Why care? You only need your approval to do something that makes you feel good, with one condition: that you do it without intension of offending or hurting others.

GF: If they get offended?

Me: I…. Don’t…. Care….

GF: Okaaaaaay! Hey! How is the food?

Me: Not so good 😩 The worst tom yum on earth!

GF: Agree. So is it because you are not able to appreciate the food? And how do you minimise blaming others in this case?

Me: Of course I blame the chef! You think I am his mother? Let’s not be back to this restaurant again.

GF: 😂😂😂

Lessons learnt: stay away from chatty friends when hungry, be relaxed when talking to young men as they explode easily, find a good restaurant or cook your own tom yum, get older without grudge, avoid those disrespecting you, laugh joyfully

see you again, Bangkok! thank you for bringing me this funny friend and the APEC meeting 2022 😩 both make me feel like a good human being: acting wise to one and waking up early because of the other 😊

What Is Money

Not answered questions:
Those to be pinned with meanings
By them questioning—

Surabaya did sum up my medium-length end-of-year holiday of mine. Hosted by one best friend, this 32-hour visit meant much to me: a lot of chat and enough food.

With this best friend open discussion is a routine. Last night’s discussion while driving around the city was everything about money. We both treat money differently. She is a better financial planner, I am a learner.

We used to be curious about what money truly was. Money discussion had always been a hot topic before and last night we both finally agreed that money can be defined as anything according to the one managing it.

We know different types of friends and their behaviour towards money. There are friends who meticulously count money (stingy), friends who think money is a symbol of welfare (social status), friends who consider money is everything (arrogant), friends who consider money is treasure (stupid), friends who consider money is nothing (careless), friends who don’t believe that money is a thing (maybe almost dead), friends who have little money (poor), friends who constantly borrow money (lazy). Complete experience. 🙂

What is money to us? We both don’t have special place for money at the same time we have special space for money. It is a tool. It is the replaceable at times, the irreplaceable at others. It is what it is with given context. We both agree that a question of “what is money” doesn’t need an accurate answer; it just needs honest response. Answer is too rigid and feels like a reaction; response is more flexible and almost a wisdom. Example? If having money makes us think we are more respectable than others, that is an accurate answer. If having no money makes us think we are less than others, that is an accurate answer. If having money makes us more functional as human beings in some situation, that is an honest response. If having no money makes us less complaining and harder working, that is an honest response.

We both don’t expect to be in forever comfort by having so much money yet don’t want to live uncomfortably because of having not enough money. We simply want to have sufficient amount as what is needed in life.

This visit puts me back on track that “life is just like that” at the same time “life is worth fighting for and beautifully living” with good will and a small touch of power from money.

Before driving me to the airport, she commented on my eyes.

BF: Have you put eyeliner?

Me: No

BF: Told you to always put eyeliner. You have one?

Me: Ya

BF: What colour?

Me: Brown

BF: No, no. Try blue.

Me: (frown on my forehead). I don’t have blue one.

BF: Try this. (handing a blue eyeliner to me)

Me: (reluctantly putting blue eyeliner on both eyes)

BF: Look at that! Brighter eyes! Ok, take it. Wear blue eyeliner more.

Me: Ok, as long as not green that turns me to a green-eyed. How much is it?

BF: I am not selling it to you. A tiny token of friendship. Not everything should be paid with money. Thanks for the birthday gift, too.

Thank you. Happy birthday, Madam Scorpio.

See you again.

Salaam.

see you, Surabaya 💝

Friendship

Friendship, Beloved,
The sun rising so early,
Pushing stars away—

(Very early) morning conversation that left me sleepy but so energized after talking with someone whose genuineness could kept me listening to whatever this person said— My day is always good especially when started with a cheap talk with my best friends. Today is going to be super good one!

BF: Still writing?

Me: Everyday

BF: Poems and ranting?

Me: Ya, you don’t read mine?

BF: Not these two weeks. Busy! You still talk to yourself in your writing?

Me: Ya

BF: You think people like it?

Me: No

BF: Why do you do it then?

Me: I do what I love doing.

BF: Even if no one cares?

Me: Even if no one cares.

BF: Are you happy?

Me: Not always

BF: Are you happy writing?

Me: Mostly

BF: What happens when you are not happy writing?

Me: I have so much in head but I don’t want to make it so obvious or it is so hard to make it concise.

breakfast please…. 💝

BF: Do you know that people reading your cheap writings might think you are madly in love?

Me: I don’t care. But yes I’m madly in love.

BF: With whom?

Me: With many different things.

BF: Name some.

Me: Oh my…. Are you interrogating me?

BF: 😂😂😂 Yaaa! You didn’t know?

Me: I just realised it.

BF: That’s how you don’t care about what people are doing to you? Don’t be silly. Put some suspicion and negative thinking to some people, even to someone that you love.

Me: I will.

BF: You’re 50 several years to come and still have mental of a £€$@$£€L!

Me: What?!

BF: Do you know who is among your friends genuine or not?

Me: Yes.

BF: But you look like not knowing.

Me: Because I don’t care. It’s my business to make sure I’m me but I can’t ask others to do the same thing to me the way I do to them.

BF: What about me?

Me: You are genuine especially when you have problem.

BF: You mean?!

Me: Yes, only I can listen to you for 5 hours non stop ranting about your problems! The same problems unsolved for years! That’s how genuine we are with each other.

BF: &$@!?890:;((@:!!!!

God bless all my best friends. See you all soon! 💕

Trust & Accept

Laughter, Beloved
Takes trust before exploding.
Accepting what is—

—-

I had a conversation with one friend about acceptance and trust.

This friend is one of my favorite as she is the struggling among us but the one with the biggest acceptance and trust to the life process. She’s been in all tests of life that might have made her a tough lady. Or probably she was just born that way and so she can pass all tests.

She said that trust is very important, only trust to the processes of life can make her accept whatever is presented by life. It has turned her into this current posture and gesture – tough yet kind.

Talking to an honest yet witty friend is a privilege, listening to her funny stories is like unwrapping hidden wisdom. How would a human being be that tough yet kind? She reminds me of my mother and some people around me.

friends laugh at each other, but touch each other’s heart the most

Yet I never want to be like them as being like them means dealing with roughest surface of life. I’m sufficiently thankful being me.

Thank you so much for giving me good friends as present. I will love them without being them. ♥️

Hey! But sometimes my ears feel like exploding with the length of the call. For full jokes, call at weekends only please….. 😚

Lunch Chat

Today I had a lunch chat with a colleague. We discussed about this and that and of course how we both grow more grey hair, more fat and of course more wisdom.

happy to work with those having courage to tell when it’s right or wrong, with objectivity

I remember when I was 30’s I said to him I was so afraid of growing old alone. Now I’m growing old alone and I’m not afraid. Today I said to him that I’m afraid of dying alone and he lightly said “No one wants to die with you or with anyone else, girl! No one!”

I laughed and said “Damn! you’re right!”

And I made a good decision right during the convo that I won’t be afraid of being alone! Everything is gonna be alright!

But he said something before saying goodbye “And you’d better be a bit stingy to those not helping!”

“Damn! You’re right again!”

Life is fair but life is also not fair so we’d better know how to surf! Unfortunately, I don’t like surfing, I’m just gonna be biking!

slow down to both directions, live and die is like drawing an ♾

Moment To Simply Live

Life pace, Beloved
Chosen wisdom, loved glory
Of everyday life—

————————————————

I wish to retire at 52 and will be a person with not too many layers of identity, being a human being living a slower-paced life, contributing to smaller society and community with my own hands with all my heart and soul, respected as I am I am not as I am who is associated to prominent organizations.

One of good friends reminded me to get prepared for that will definitely be a much different life. There won’t be luxurious facilities enjoyed, privilege given, smiles and hand shake or bow. She says it’s gonna be a true life though loved and respected by those with genuine love and respect. No transactional courtesy, all is about friendship and humanity.

When? Still long time to go but short enough because now I live in a fast-paced life.

Time to prepare.

Once retired, I won’t want to be in contact with those who have respected me because of business or money. They should be eliminated from friendship. They will deserve others who have the capacity.

May all beings be happy. 💝

next one week flower arrangement
enjoy the moment
extended appreciation to those in my heart
someday flowers will be daily life for me, not weekly anymore

Stop As You Wish

Ahead or behind?
Life isn’t racing, but game
Chasing each other—
Enjoy! There’s no finish line.
You rest whenever you want.

————————————————————

Isn’t it fun to enjoy life like enjoying a game which happy children do? We run. We laugh. We scream. We forget about sadness and anxiety. No one forces us to do it. We can slip in the circle whenever we want and take a break when getting tired.

Today’s chat was a bit serious, about how hard it is to be genuinely ourselves in the middle of many who try to find what’s not us. My good friend said that some people have experienced so much or so many lies that they can’t take honesty anymore. They can only accept lies. I agree with her in some way; I’ve met some of that type.

This type of people will always try to investigate who you are even after you disclose who you truly are. An auditor should do that because it is a profession, but a friend should not do that because friendship is based on trust.

I’m lucky to have trusted some of good friends in life and they have trusted me for the same reason. The reason is enjoying life as a game in true friendship, not in competition.

May all beings be happy.

Quests

Dogma, Beloved,
The least she can hold in life.
She is full of quests.

————————————————————

What human beings should think of being sick is it is a tool materialised by Life to make them stop or at least slow down especially from analysing every single thing. Yet human beings often forget that blessing should not be always gift-wrapped in fancy paper with ribbons; it might be sometimes humbly bundled in a sack.

Blimey! Why do I have so many sacks? And poorly unable to untie them successfully 😎

May all beings be happy.

a pile of ugly sacks; filled with all the richness of nature

A Cleansing Talk

Friendship, Beloved
A vast ocean and its waves
Sweeping all debris—

———————————————————

A friend visited me at my lunch break. A short talk made the day.

About her retirement plan to hop from one city to another from one country to another with her husband, future visit to my home base, future visit to Ubud, her sons and the menace, my future plans, health and healthcare, vaccination, and everything….

Our longest talk after 2 years of not going someplace together! She brought our favourite kue from Bengawan Solo! 💝

Couldn’t believe it could happen only in one hour. We must have talked as fast as flash!

⚡️

Bengawan Solo jajanan pasar delivered by a friend today

A Tree, A Friend

Dear tree, wait for her.
She’s caught up but will come back
To give you big hug.
Not that you miss her hugging.
It’s she missing your stillness.

————————————————————

Some friends are so loyal that they still touch your heart even without talking to you.

Thanks to a friend from a distance for her humble wisdom every now and then, for inspiring me silently….

a friend happily inspires one’s friends silently 🙏🏼

How Happy Are We

So you need to move
To be happy? Yes. Move to
Your kind heart. Stay. Smile.

———————————————

I had a group call with some good friends and we asked one favourite friend how she could be always light and calm even when she didn’t have enough materially.

Just as a description about her (with her consent): This kind, humble, strong, cheerful, a bit crazy lady is a widow with two children (both finished their education and are now working to support themselves). Her husband left her without anything for another woman. She works a lot of temporary jobs to survive. She lives in a very small rented house until now. She earns less than USD500 per month. She supports her brother who is physically impaired. Yet she is the one that we run to for advices, wisdom, consolation and she never complains to us, her friends.

She said “Maybe I was born to be happy, happier than all of you hahaha…. Let me put it this way. I’m light because my life is simple. I know I don’t have that much others have and that’s why my happiness measure isn’t the same with theirs. I don’t even think of what you think of to spend a holiday. I know you get upset when your food isn’t good; I think good food is about something edible, clean and filling, not about palate.

And I’m calm because I believe people appreciate me the way I am. Some people think too much about how they look and start behaving pretentiously. I’m not. This is me, carefree, open, comfortable with myself. And I don’t want to hurt others. People might not like it; I just need to be nice and stay away.”

“Are we your friends, Mbak?” We teased her.

“Stupid question! Yes! Because you appreciate me not with money but simply with friendship although you girls can look very ugly when very busy; annoying when very stressed! You just need to go back to this!” She put her right palm on her left upper chest where heart is.

This type of friend makes us real. One who appreciates others not through what is materially defined and knows that one one’s self is appreciated genuinely.

I don’t have to move to Finland or Denmark to be happy. Of course not with nothing. A good laugh and some chocolate (good chocolate I mean) should be the least. Honestly I still want to at least travel there! 🤪

May all beings be happy.

this is the video reminding me to our beloved friend – God bless the video maker/uploader! 💞

Rejection vs Ignorance – chatting

A cute conversation in a weekend happened when two besties missed each other. The convo went well until a topic came up.

Friend 1: What is worse than being rejected?

Friend 2: What is worse than being rejected?

Friend 1: Being ignored.

Friend 2: Are you teasing me? I’ve known it from the beginning.

Friend 1: Why did you let yourself be ignored then? You’re doomed. What a stupid move.

Friend 2: I didn’t prepare ignorance, I prepared rejection. But I learnt my lesson.

Friend 1: Lesson? What subject? (might be saying while smirking)

Friend 2: Distance-speed-time formula (whatever one wanted to say)

Friend 1: Hmm…. Seems that you already master it now.

Friend 2: Pretty much.

Friend 1: So?

Friend 2: So what?!

Friend 1: Oops. Sorry. You learnt your lesson, I know. Don’t trust that type of subject. Don’t be naive ever again !@#$%^&*()_+!

Friend 2: !@#$%^&*()_+!

Then both laughed together. That’s what friends are for – tasting each other’s bitterness, ridiculing each other’s foolishness and throwing worst wisdom to each other’s nose.

Through the FaceTime audio

FaceTime_Audio_Call.jpg

Thank you for the picture to: https://www.macworld.co.uk/how-to/iphone/how-facetime-iphone-3583186/ 

Hero – song

This song by Mariah Carey, Hero has been a good earplug for me. Been feeling so tired of my own self – being not confident with all what I called weaknesses. Until I found that points of weakness are where our strenghts stand out. Enjoy…. ❤

There’s a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don’t have to be afraid
Of what you are
There’s an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It’s a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don’t let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You’ll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you

 

 

Singapore – May 22, 2017 – 00:45

Angkor Wat – old city

I visited Angkor Wat, Siem Reap of Cambodia last week with three of my friends – Mbak Roh, Mbak Endang and Agnes. We did quasi backpacking – why quasi? Well, we decided to travel light – they flew AirAsia which tickets were purchased one year ago – but pack things in pretty luggage.

We stayed in a cheap inn of USD35.5 per night instead of fancy Park Hyatt or Le Meridien and took tuk-tuk everyday instead of rented car. It was a cool journey!

Some pictures captured show the joy! Enjoy!

Singapore – August 28, 2016 – morning….

Manusia – poem (bilingual)

Pilihlah jalan
Yang termudah
Untuk jadi manusia:
Rasakan….
Indahnya tarikan nafas dan hirupan udara.

Rasakan….
Kicauan burung lewat kupingmu.
Rasakan….
Pijakan pada bumi di setiap langkah
Perlahan.

Jika mata masih berguna,
Rasakan warna dengan matamu —
Yang muda cerlang
Atau yang tua merabun.
Rasakan saja.

Dan, kala rasa nyeri masih melingkar di hati
Demi melihat makhluk-makhluk terlunta-lunta
Tersiksa oleh yang berkuasa;
Rasakan dan lepaskan derita itu,
Bungkus dengan cinta dan pengampunan.
Dan, engkau manusia….

Mudah jadi manusia,
Kan?
Mencintai.
Welas asih.

===========================================

Human

Choose a path:
The easiest way
To become a human.
Feel it….
The beauty of breath with every inhaled air.

Feel it….
The chirps of birds through your ears.
Feel it….
The steps you hit on earth
Slowly.

If the eyes are still open,
Feel the colours with your eyes
Either young bright eyes
Or far/near-sighted ones;
Just feel.

And, if the pain is still there in the heart
To see the underprivileged creatures
Tortured by the privileged rankers;
Feel the pain and release it,
Wrapped in love and forgiveness.
And, you are human….

Easy ways
To be human, huh?
Love.
Compassion.

IMG_2584

My human kind friends…. (Karel, Riduan, Sapto, Eko, Dinah) – Bravo, buddies!

Temasek – March 5, 2015 – 10:58pm