In between if there is a gap,
It's to bridge,
Not to separate.
if you are between two, quit; said I to myself always 😊
In Between
Tag: free verse
Dreams Talk
Dream asked me
"Do you trust me?"
Why, said I.
"Please do, I need wings to fly."
I stared at her,
Wondering who her wings were.
She didn't say a word. She moved her chin
Toward me.
I am? Asked I, surprised and delighted.
It started drizzling,
Breeze caressed my face.
I soared.
I heard soft voice swirling up
To the sky,
Flying with her smile.
How painful it was for both of us!
One was waiting, the other was not realizing.
How lucky we were to wake up in one morning together.
And we are still having fun,
Sitting in a swing hanging on a giant tree,
Thanking to each other.
dreams are those balancing her constant walks
North Star
Walking in the forest deep, she was stopped by questions in her dancing mind.
Who am I?
I'm a living being
Walking her path.
What is the path? There seems none.
The path is becoming with her steps taken. An imaginary line drawn by hopes and fear, faith and science, clarity and mystery; two poles balancing distance and time--
Where is the path heading to?
The path is heading to where the North Star is.
Where is the North Star?
The North Star is a constant bright: that sits still to help find direction, that can be found in a clear unlit night above Mother Earth's magical belt, that loves wordless hymns.
It is lurking dark, but
You are bright
Showering my night.
Don't set.
Don't rise.
Be there
In the north
So I can always call
You
My North Star.
Polaris,
Wrap me with luck.
Amen.
Many Days She Does (revised)
Many days emit many emotions.
They show off how well
Life is capable of
Playing human beings with different stories.
She laughs.
She cries.
She reads.
She writes.
She sings.
She hums.
She does, even when she doesn't.
All with all her loving heart; or when doing things, she fills her heart with love.
sometimes I cry, not always because of sadness, sometimes I do because I feel so much loved….
A Small Gift of I Love You
a small gift of i love you
my love to you is as much as the space among drizzles washing off my sadness
my love to you is as much as the pouring rain among the space giving me pure breeze
this weekend has welcomed me with sprinkling blessings like the rain in a desert
each day is a new day when sky opens wider horizon and shows me what i didn't see
do you feel the same?
the space among the rain
the pouring rain
the desert that celebrates
a horizon that keeps widening--
i love you.
thank you for making me smile a lot
💙
in life i learn to accept that love is sometimes not enough; it takes strategy to make things happen and i don’t want to strategize in love
i don’t want to force because i believe life has given me so much so if i don’t get what i want, it doesn’t mean a loss
that i have the ability to love as sincerely as possible is a huge blessing; that i don’t show it openly, it is to ensure everyone’s safety, dignity and comfort
flow, flow, flow
i love you, i love you, i love you
You Are
You are butterflies
Flying around my heart
Tickling me to whisper
I love you.
But where are
You?
Hiding behind signs
That I've misunderstood,
Disguised between symbols
That I've wrongly guessed,
None is solely for me.
Love
My heart jumped
Still jumps
But will she jump after
A gesture that was told
Hopefully not right
About a love that is discriminated?
Is my love still true?
Or will there be a light
Telling me otherwise?
is it as gossipped and gestured? or not? – i never know as i don’t see consistency and directness in the messages sent
Teachers
I have teachers in life.
Some make me cry.
Some make me speak.
Some make me walk.
Some make me hold.
Some make me laugh.
Some make me smile.
All make me sense.
All make me think.
One makes me love.
only you, love
making me a human being, not a plant, not an animal, not a geenie, not an angel
How I Love You
How I love you?
Much
How much?
I can't tell you how much but I can tell you how.
My love is not commodity
That you transact about.
My love is not a content
That you measure up.
My love is a river
Flowing as long as you be the channel.
My love is a breeze
Blowing as long as you be the air.
My love is colours
Showing as long as you be the light.
Yet I know the love you wish
Is different.
You want me to be wood to burn,
Water to drink,
Bread to eat,
Game to play.
I feel delighted that you have such fun.
I am waiting for the wisdom to grow.
If the fun outgrows wisdom by the time we travel together, this love will wither before it blooms.
So that's how I love you and how much you need.
RC Gorman’s work of art
Sunflowers To Sun
Their yellow petals
Look out to a Sunday rain
And whisper
"Dear, Sun. Our beauty decorates a home showered by rain, waiting for your ray. Don't hide too long."
sunflowers looking out to a rainy Sunday whispering to the hiding Sun
An Empty Jar
I will love you
As an empty jar
Waiting for streams of words
Telling me stories,
Containing drops of secrets
Petrifying in our soul,
Concocting ingredients of ideas
Writing beautiful love stories,
Catching breeze of affection
Weaving sheet of loyalty.
loving you like i am an empty jar
Smells Like Spring
My day smells like spring
Not because others give me hope
Not because others praise me high
Not because others lay red carpet for me--
No.
My day smells like spring
Because my senses work through
Your grace
Because my steps walk through
Your bliss
Because my breaths respire through
Your joy--
Yes.
this is not a popular composition but it sounds heaven to my hearing
life is light and smooth when we love wholeheartedly and playfully
i love you…. 💕
Flow
I am flowing
I flow
I will flow
And won't stop flowing
until I'm united with
You, the sea.
I'm not afraid.
I'm not too brave, either.
I am just a flow flowing.
as long as i flow, i won’t worry; even if i’m alone as long as i keep flowing to
You
When
When I feel helpless,
I will recite
Your loveliest verses
And send them as gifts
To those closest to my heart, whose life
Is a dedication to parents with
Love equivalent as what they received at childhood.
I am here, now
And lucky
So I shall share love
How subtle it has been.
Dear, Beloved.
Please accept my hollow heart for
You to fill with love,
And love only
How hard it has been.
i wish my ripples are of love and love only
Nature of A Destroyer
What will the sun do?
Bring fresh life
Then maybe
Erase the life dry.
Is it nature of a destroyer?
No, Beloved.
It is a nature of paradox:
Sun refreshes, sun dulls.
Love rekindles, love terminates.
i saw this water lily blooming happily under the sun then the following week was swept by the scorching sun that gulped all water in its environment; i thought the sun destroyed the flower but actually pushing the cycle to proceed — paradoxical life
what a relief
💕
Ripples
My love is ripples,
Humble and calm.
Maybe you want waves,
Pushing and high.
Should I turn these ripples
To waves?
Give me an ocean, not a lake.
ripples on a standing water as waves on the ocean; i might be in a wrong realm
💗
Size of Life
What size of life do I want?
Any size as long as
It is ordinary:
Where big is not too big,
Small is not too small,
It is just right.
I want an ordinary life
Where my closest know well enough
My love and kindness guards
Me against betrayal.
I want an ordinary life
Where the farthest know well enough
Their hatred and ignorance keeps
Them away from me.
I thank you, my ordinary life
You make blessings extraordinary.
today’s breakfast: a big bowl of konjac noodle soup with chicken breast + carrot + bonito flake, a medium bowl of fruit and a small bowl of rendang — all in the right size….
…. and chocolate, the ordinary that turns my life extraordinary
The Star
Are you the star I point with my finger?
Or are you the one that disappears in a blink of my eye?
Are you the star that will reappear tomorrow night?
Or are you the one that smiles at me then ghosts away?
You are still a star.
which one are you?
Beauty and Majesty
Beauty, Majesty
Both in me--
I'm predictable,
I'm throwing surprises,
Both simply reflecting
One whole me.
If you don't want one side,
You won't either get the other.
yin-yang, duality in unity, union in separation, jamal and jalal of asmaul husna, beauty and majesty, masculine and feminine, etc; you name it — it is a perfection in an imperfect human being
what do you expect from a human being but two sides of a coin, beloved?
💗
Joy Is Contagious
Joy is contagious
Spreading through fungi,
Growing under the ground,
Connecting stations of interest on earth,
Glowing through memories, hopes and dreams.
if i happened to be in Jogja today, i would have loved to be there too to meet with these announcers whom i listen almost every morning to start my day; their joyful moment was contagious though so even not joining, i could feel the joy!
i wish you health and joy everyday so you can share good things longer and more
💗
Another Year
Happiest birthday
To my sacred woman,
Mother.
Please always give
Another year
Every year
For us to pay.
i used to have a difficult relationship with my mother, very difficult; whatever i did was just not acceptable — my choice was her rejection, always
one year to reconcile i asked her to go for major pilgrimage with me but she rejected saying that she was too weak to do (even i offerred the shortest period); but she agreed for a minor pilgrimage — it was to me a cauldron of patience test, and i think the same for her; but we both started to know what was the knot in the rope
i never knew how jealous a mother can be to a daughter who is close to her husband until that day when she said to me “your father loved you more than loved me” — i was very close to my father and now i knew why she wondered why; we both know and accept it now
starting that year our relationship was getting easier and easier until 2018 we were in the peak — i was in my third worst argument in my life with her (1st when i refused to marry a man chosen by her, 2nd when she disagreed with my romance that eventually ended)
since then we started to learn gradually that there was a big misconception about mother-daughter relationship
a mother who thinks that her daughter is a possession should let go; a daughter who wants total freedom should slow down — there shall be a middle way where balance is achieved
and it worked; our relationship is getting better and better — we get along very well, we are relaxed in treating each other
do i love it? yes, except that she will contact me every single day to ask me how i am 🤪
happy 80th birthday, Ibu; thank you for being my mother — hope we clean our karma in this life so when we meet again, everything is going smoothly 😘
i love you the way i do you
you know i will never let anyone hurt you
💗
Love, No Doubt
Love is a mountain.
Stands still?
It does but it moves too to balance the center of Mother Earth.
No doubt.
Gives much?
It does but it sweeps too to clean what does not belong to the era.
No doubt.
Saves water?
It does but it stops flowing water to respond to destroyed roots.
No doubt.
Does good?
It does but it harms too to protect the heart of life, love itself.
No doubt.
Embraces beauty?
It does but it embraces scars and wounds too to celebrate journey and age.
No doubt.
My love is a mountain.
No doubt.
Mount Merapi (also Candrageni), Yogyakarta – i so much miss home i cry
💗
All with Love
Life seems effortless
As it's flowing river
To the sea.
All with love--
all with love — today’s breakfast
I Love Who I Love
I love who I love
With the least of what I feel,
With the smallest of what I give,
With the smile I curve,
With the breath I take,
With the step I make,
With the words I whisper,
With the prayer I hide,
With the biggest I can sacrafice,
With the vastest I can explore,
With the laughter I throw,
With the sigh I disguise,
With the decision I make,
With all I dedicate
In silence
Or declared.
title of my poem above is inspired by none but part of Coldplay’s Jupiter
That planet never stops inspiring me. Thanks, Jupe.
laughter is ripples caused by a heart who wants to tell stories of how life offers so much
i called my mom and could not stop laughing hearing her stories about anything around her: the cat, the relatives, the weather, the broom, the iPhone, etc
she is someone able to make a simple thing nice to hear and laugh at
i never talk about my problem with her and i consider it my job 😁 because her fun can only happen when she knows her children are ok
just by talking with her about how she argued with my sister could make me laugh hard and when finally she asked me “what about you? you ok?”, i would confidently say “iya, Ibuuu….”
i love you, Ibu — you are one of those I so much love
💗
I Love You
I'm
You when
You're in love.
I'm
You when
You're brokenhearted.
I'm the ocean,
You're the sky--
We mirror each other until
End of time.
Be True
Be true
Being true
True
Self
Thank you, dear life for being so true to me and teaching me how to be.
I felt so heavy this morning. After swimming, I continued preparing a line of chores that were not finished last night. Yet when doing the laundry and some kitchen things, I was “attacked” by a feeling of broken heart and anger that didn’t seem to be from my own experience– I’ve been so in love and blessed recently.
I remember that what we feel is not always who we are, there might be others’ negative energy around us that with heaven knows what reasons the energy attaches to us. So I stopped for a while: talking to myself, talking to my best friend, posting some funny videos to my instagram then meditating for a while. And tada! My mother called me giving me some news about this and that happening around her.
No wonder I’ve felt so heavy and broken hearted.
Now I know I am not broken hearted.
I am filled with so much love and flowing it to those knowing how to appreciate it.
I promise to be always true to this true self and to those true to it.
May all beings be happy.
💗
A Door In A Home
She thought
The door was open ajar
And so she stepped forward
Then she found
It was never ajar,
It was unclearly welcoming,
Playing true heart,
Causing a burning pain.
It was a glass window
Protecting a door
That was never open--
Neither for her
Nor for anyone
Probably--
Some home is designed
To lure hope
Just to damage true trust.
She decided that
It's her fault
And mindfully she's to be careful
As her heart won't
Bear the cost of
What's not true
Anymore.
stand in front of a door that is finally found never open for me, time to go within
it is my first time, very first time to find that a heart can show me so overwhelmingly huge clear admiration and hope but then cause me to free fall ridiculously
maybe i did something really bad to that heart in my previous life
dear, love — i don’t want unclarity next time; i don’t want false alarm; i want only clear mind and genuine intension
lesson is learnt in many ways; i thank life for teaching me so much love — this time love that has no clarity about its own self
thank you, love for giving me clarity about myself and about you
💕
Reasons to Love?
I've learnt reasoning since
Forever.
I gain what and what
Through stingy allowance
To let things happen in life
Except
One,
You.
I generously gain
You.
Beloved,
Can you please sometimes tell me why I should not love?
Should I love king only? Or should I not for he is too high?
Or should I love beggar? Or should I not as he is too low?
Or should I learn now that
There must be reasons to
Love?
Life is sometimes showing me
Love
Then taking it back cruelly
With little to no chance.
i beg your guidance, always
💕
You
When I found you,
It was a spellbound day.
The feel of being bewitched,
Charmed, tormented and blessed at the time brought me a big question.
What is this?
A dream?
A mirage?
An illusion?
Another test?
There will be a day
To judge if
You materialise or
You fade away.
You
If there is a mystery, it is
You.
You appear in the door of my heart
As a surprise.
Is that really you?
Or a ghost assigned to test?
If it is truly you, be you.
If it is a ghost, be gone.
rike jokanan 
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