graphs of my Universe
The load, Beloved
So much she can give to you--
Whatever she keeps
RC Gorman’s work of art
the woman is guarding what she keeps in the terracotta jar silently sitting next to her like a soul that she lives with, that she fills with richness of life full of love & hope, that someday she will share with that patient enough to sit down with her silently & fun enough to enjoy life as it is
life is beautiful
☘️💕
Red bird, Beloved
Flies home bringing her redness
Welcoming the light.
it takes some time to accept that the woman called mother has left me physically
it’s ok, it’s just taking time to accept that there’s a hole called “missing you, ibu” anytime unexpectedly
thank you, ibu
♥️
Riding the wind, Love
Across the route Love chooses
On behalf of love--
wind is pushing her pedaling a journey to the heart of life
Do you know, my love
Love has no definition
But that undefined--
this love is as old as the earth before she was born….
this love is as vast as the universe and non universe of which she was yet not born….
this love is as deep as the riverbed that has no end of the abyss that greets….
this love is as true as the love itself that has no definition as truth is layered and its finale is love itself
I just want to be loved by love that I love in which love loves love itself.
❣️
If I'm in a trip,
I'd be with the Lone Ranger,
Or with my Tonto.
I’m 50 years old next week. I still want to live next many years in good health although this body needs to compromise with speed and strength. And I want to have more trips– both professional and personal.
While professionally I go alone almost all of the time and not expect to change it; I’d like to have a travel buddy personally.
He should be….
😎
someone that knows how to pack nicely both in backpack & suitcase
someone that doesn’t have to stay in 5-star as long as it’s with me
someone that doesn’t bother to have ice cream because the restaurant is fully booked
someone who is not ashamed to have fun in simple way although it looks weirdly cheap
someone who likes to sing under the rain
someone who rides motorbike… yaaay!
who drives much better than I do
he’s my Lone Ranger or Tonto, whichever he needs to be when with me
who?
not sure, I won’t overthink as I can find all those within me except the driving one 😁
I’m gonna be 50 &
yes I’m just me that’s gonna be 50 wholeheartedly.
If you were a king,
What would you be like, my love?
Would you let me know?
😎
☘️
🤪
☕️
💙
💙
🤯
🤣😘
💕
🤣🤣🤣😘❣️
It never dies-- Love.
It sparks then sparkles; no end
But milestones to mark.
preparing batik for myself
will name this piece “life cycle of love”
What's beauty today?
Ants partying in some blooms
For sweetness of life--
no, I don’t want to focus on what I experience as bitterness too long
why should I age with heavy burdens if I can live in my second half of my life with light heart (that’s if I live 100 years)
I will see bitter day just as a bitter gourd for me to carve to be beautiful garnish or to cook in nice recipe; or better seeing it as bitter dark chocolate 😘
I just won’t let others play around as they love to tease others fr sport; no! My life is too precious to waste just for those who think life is fun when wasted with no clear design 🥰
Beauty today, Love
Is about about colours and shapes
Softly touch the heart.
as close as I could, I felt a tap on my broken heart telling me “life is just like that, beauty lies on the tiniest part of your own heart, not others'”
at closer glance the colours gave me some soft touch on my heart who is longing for honest heart to talk about love, life with sufficient laughter
today I worked under a tamarind tree across a construction site and found a tiny beauty, a grass flower inviting me with its enticing colours
Maybe it is you
That sits on every sea wave
Gently touching me--
A door, Beloved
Your way I take to enter
The way of loving--
some people said to me directly and some indirectly “my way or no way”
my life is like one-way highway with no U-turn with which the choice is chosen by itself, go ahead and that’s it! when I choose my way, the way becomes bumpy and muddy and not safe,
so I’ve never really thought about my way
letting it be instructed through my heart and follow Life’s way
so when some ask “my way or no way”, I’ll smile and think
maybe those people’s life has been so easy and smooth that all their way is running without any interruption or alteration or even 100% negotiation
maybe
but I again just smile and try to understand while waiting whose way is winning
Hiding in colours
Quiet, before partying again
With the same colours--
I realised that someone can show the world what’s the opposite to be able to do whatever they like behind the stage.
A man said to a woman that his parents didn’t approve the marriage with her so that he could marry another her.
A man marry a woman hiding his true sexual orientation. Once married people think he is a sexually straight, ignoring that he is giving hell to the woman who blindly loves him.
Skeleton in the cupboards — No!
camouflage to be exact
Honesty saves everyone’s time.
🙃
A gift, Beloved
Wrapped with a curled pink ribbon
For all that she loves--
my life is a gift that I share with those close around me
my gift might not be expensive but it’s the best I can present
when time is up, I hope all that I love will have received the blessing I silently promise to share with them
♥️
A home, Beloved
Where heart hums to see beauty
In just greenery--
this is where my long weekend resides (Jogja, where Mount Merapi & Prambanan Temple are pinned)
where I bike & walk in my free time, Singapore greenery
Changi Terminal 2, the airport that I mostly take off to fly out before always coming back to my second home, Singapore
Headache, Beloved
Tiara with her gemstones
Glowing dignity--
I’d had headache for these past 3 days and no better even with the super meds called Paramex 🙂 I took one-day medical leave to meet the doc then on Friday I worked from home to gain more comfort while working.
I kept complaining until just now realizing that this was that I felt before; it was when I had a growth inside my brain untreated. The headache was significantly reduced (up to 99% by my gross calculation: from everyday to once in several months like this time).
How I thank God that this headache has tried reminding me that this time I feel so much better than before, the years of constant headache every single day.
Ah! Thank you!
Thank you for the realization that life shall have sickness to know that health is a true blessing. Then both sickness & health are blessings indeed.
Thank you!
if my headaches in those years to be exchanged with a head piece, I want a tiara with diamond & emerald – elegantly pressing the head for beauty & dignity
New year, Beloved
An open door with a smile
Keeping soul leaping--
welcome the new year of Javanese lunar year cum Islamic new year
Coffee flowers, Love
It breathes what I long for much,
Poisons me with love.
coffee flowers – I used to see many at the backyard of my uncle’s house in Jogja
I loved breathing its fragrance every morning and afternoon when I had the time to stroll along the path
yet not as many now
I love breathing coffee fragrance but not drinking it as much
Clarity, my love
Is silence that loudly says
About who you are.
some people talk about honesty as if honesty is falling hair of theirs – nothing but waste….
…. not because honesty doesn’t mean anything; yet because they claim being honest but actually lying.
once I thought you were this, and your signs said you were this until all birds then messengers coming saying that you are that….
honesty saves everyone’s time….
1) when honesty is about dishonesty
2) when it is the talking of the walk
3) when it is the walking of the talk
🙃
so clear to me, after meeting a friend yesterday
☺️
Gravity, my love
Pulls me to Mother Earth's lap
To be just like her.
Start the day, my love
With bright eyes and dancing tongue.
A day to excite--
a bowl of “pempek from Palembang & “sambal ijo” from Padang with a piece of boiled duck leg starting my day
time to clean the house & packing for tomorrow’s exciting trip 😍
A gift, Beloved
Breeze bringing a good fragrance
Keeping me with you.
I bought a box of gift for myself – perfume 💗
patchouli is one of my favourite fragrances, it is mostly harvested in Indonesia — there’s a documentary about how patchouli farmers are ‘exploited” for perfume industry
I’m cruelly aware that my liking to scent is making me part of the exploitation. What should I do?
….thinking in awareness & with compassion
It's locked, Beloved.
Hiding from those not wanted,
Enjoying close doors.
I put my Instagram account back to private from being public. I am not a public figure and not selling anything so why should it be in public mode?
Actually when being public, the account started getting random people following me (although I removed them right away). Not those I wish to follow me 😁
WordPress is still the best platform where I can rant about the public policy and service in my country without being questioned “why are you talking about thing you don’t know?” and whisper about my silent journey within.
Needing some time to stay submerged–
wanting my back garden door in this colour 😍 the one between Japanese garden and the back yard
it's where two sweet hearts
meeting in a quiet meadow
to sing together
(haiku about an ideal marriage of mine)
When I was a high schooler I wanted to get married at 25. At 35 broken-hearted decided to be single forever; at 45 re-opened myself to any possibility–
While in my culture talking about romance or wishing to get married at my age is considered a shame, I proceed. I’m a human being— if they do, why not me? I’m so comfortable to say this even thinking it out loud in front of family and friends; and they were the one sometimes would feel less comfortable and tell me to be calm.
I’m calm and not in a hurry chasing anyone. I”m just so relaxed. I’m accepting the fact that wanting something will not affect my state of being thankful-to-be-me if what’s wanted doesn’t happen. At this point my thought is if I’m getting married, I’m happy getting married. If I’m not, I am happy not getting married.
Last Monday I watched a podcast in which Raline Shah was interviewed by Dave Hendrik & Iwet Ramadhan (my favourite duo the DVET) in YouTube. She highlighted what I’ve thought about for so long in life (maybe also what’s been thought about by many female single around me).
And these are some loved statements of hers shareable to you all:
“I want us to still get married but I want to have faith that even if I have this job also be with you. So sometimes this independence creates insecurity in the man I date…”
It was about her stance on her own dream and the man she dated who wanted her to be just a wife instead of a woman with career.
“I would love to compromise my life. I would love to compromise my dreams because getting married is also another dream but I just don’t feel that in your natural state, does that person love you? …. They don’t really like you, they’re just in love with you.”
It was when she was asked if she would compromise her dream for marriage. This is truly a beautiful statement.
“Just be yourself para jomblo. Do what you like, …. And see who likes you for that version of you.”
Yes, being one’s self is a must. Oscar Wilde said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken“.
I hope all single people especially ladies in my culture (or other culture resembling mine) decide to get married or not because of their own choice, not because of no choice. It sounds utopic but it is what it is.
Cheerio, dear me!
Note: jomblo: single (not married) person
Iwet Ramadhan, Raline Shah, Dave Hendrik
The isle, Beloved
Sails inch by inch through calm breeze
Telling me to breathe.
Dewdrops, Beloved
Reflect her face glistening
Welcoming morning.
reflection, mirroring, reciprocity – without it, nothing should proceed as only with two the tango will go, the dance of universe
One, two, Beloved,
Numbers to start a journey
To the zero point.
With ageing I am able to feel the surge of high energy I experienced before. With broken heart I’m so thankful that I’ve got love in this heart. With thirst I appreciate how freshness of water cures me. With the stuck in the head I become more and more familiar that flowing is the only way to love. With scarcity I can grow sense of gratitude with even just a little hope in life.
It’s you. Yes, it’s you. None other but you that makes me. None other but you that puts meaning on the word me. None other but you that moves all this life within me.
How can I be feeling so detached….
If you are the one attaching in all my senses?
If you are the one behaving with this corpse?
If you are the one drawing a circle for me to circumambulate until the two dots meet?
If you are the one?
I surrender. I retreat.
To
You.
Lessons, Beloved
Learnt! She feels tired and dumb
And just wants to sleep.
I experienced an intense fun last Friday evening. I was about to check in and the machine said it could not find my name and so redirect me to the check-in counter.
Airline staff (AS): Ma’am, you are not at this flight.
Me: But I booked it.
AS: You booked it for another date?
Me: What date?
AS: October 23, 2025
Me: Oh Lord…. How would it be?
AS: (smiling, shrugging)
Me: Are there still seats for the flight?
AS: Please go to that counter and get further info, Ma’am.
Me: (heading to the ticketing counter)
Long story short, I had to buy a new ticket because I had 2 gifts to deliver to 2 people in Jakarta. I had promise to keep.
I bought a new ticket for a much more expensive price than the original one wrongly booked. Lesson learnt? Check, recheck, check, recheck….. Maybe I shouldn’t have had to book a new one. I should have decided to deliver the gifts through my friend; in fact finally I had to deliver the gifts through that friend.
It’s not easy to meet with famous people; it’s either I’m too cheap to meet them, or they are playing hard to get.
Stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid………..stupid enough to call myself a stupid!
Lesson learnt again? I’ve got one round ticket for October to Jakarta. Still stupid!
She's stupid, my Love
Following honest heart, then
She needs huge to cure.
Lucky to find this book in Periplus of Soetta Airport T3 – time to get cured from wound of falling by my own stupidity
Thanks for obviously showing my stupidity this weekend. I’ll write the word stupid (tolol in Bahasa Indonesia) 1000 times to ensure I remember I am.
💕
Your plodding footsteps
Call me to keep this journey
To where sunrise is.
Wherever I go as long as I’m following my honesty, I’m meeting with you.
I’ve tried denying that life is just a matter of birth to death & struggling between those two, but no life is not that indeed — pain is inevitable but suffering is optional so I prefer put always lightheartedness and useful meaning to steps of life.
One day which is today I plant my believe more deeply as I also believe that this tree of life is not only one growing for a while; this tree of life needs strong & stubborn roots to support itself to the end of universe life.
Thank you for this beautiful life, Beloved. Whatever I’ve gone through is beauty that leads me to the reality of life:
You
The scent that is spread
Is that that I've missed so long.
It's in my own hair.
I was in Sydney and finally found this that I’d wanted so long. Once I thought I would love the Jasmine but this attracted me more strongly.
rike jokanan 
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