Witness

Witness, Beloved,
Umbrella in rainy days,
Locked door in dark nights—

Still celebrating my hair!

Not every woman likes growing long hair. I do love it. I did short hair in some period of time: senior high school when short hair gave privilege to be called “not too girl” and some recent years when busy days took away the hair time.

Now the long hair period has claimed its prime time back and ready to witness the joy shared by its owner.

May all beings be happy.

with two of those I’m grateful to for their company, witness of my determination and dedication – shortest hair ever
hair started showing off, witness of new habit: selfie at the home office corner before and after work 🤩
longer and longer giving me comfort, witness of pillow face and no-bath work from home 😎
50cm+! grow and grow, my dear hair witness of awakening 😘
now I can do many things with the hair, witness of new adventure 😘

Lost & Found (ranting)

I’m lost, Beloved.
This market keeps me busy.
What time is it now?

One friend said to me that I might be lost. What she meant by lost is I’m not as good as she is at interpreting ultimate truth and looking less than I was before.

If that’s the definition of lost then I’ve been lost since decades. I’ve never been truly right — or found? 😁

There are patches of time in life when my honesty is tested within. Am I loyal to myself? Am I caring about my own wellbeing? Am I aware of to where I’m heading? Am I aware of what I’m doing? Am I aware of the configuration of individuals around me? And am I aware of what’s beyond all these (divine entity, higher power, gods, God, universe, life, whatever you call it)?

(from Pinterest) 😄

Each of those questions should be answered at least “more than half yes” —let’s put 80%— because “full yes” is impossible except for those with high intelligence (not about IQ, intelligence is the naturally-attached awareness of being a well-developed human being). And when my yes is below 80% that is when confusion will lead to another confusion to another confusion until there is one question answered at least more than half.

If loyalty to my self is only 40%, I will have to shop for 40-60% outside in order to achieve 80-100%. I will crave for validation from others offline and online. Lack of self trust and honest self reflection is my personal indicator. Virtually number of likes, followers, subscribers, comments in popularity-based social media have become both blessings and curse with which external validation is quantified and a group of people are willing to do anything literally anything to be popular. FYI, there will be an alternative social media highlighting both merit and popularity, symbolic.id hopefully can balance popularity with utilitarianism.

If I care less about my well-being, others will have to take care of me. If no one takes care of me, I can feel sick, messy, frustrated, helpless, lonely. There was a period of 10 years of abundance that I didn’t take care of myself and that was enough!

If I am not aware of to where I’m heading, I will just follow wherever my peer head to. Good peer improves integrity. What about if I’m not aware of what kind of peer I’m associated to. With bad companions, I might excessively drink, abusively drug, irresponsibly sex around can be up to extreme of commit crimes.

If I’m not aware of what I’m doing, I might hurt myself or even at the same time hurt others. Hurting is undoubtedly. Hurting doesn’t always come through bad intension, it can come through priority. So when I’m aware of a priority and I unintentionally hurt others, it is almost forgivable. It is truly forgivable when I’m doing it right or possibly with a style.

If I’m aware of the configuration of individuals around me, it will be more convenient to map out how I do what I want to do to, for and with whom. Priority, target and impact become triangulation to be balanced of. Human interaction is important, yet I don’t want to give up my dignity just to get along with random people only for fame or temporary pleasure. I’m not that young anymore, I don’t mind being fun but responsibly and crazy but gracefully. 💃🏽

And if I’m aware of what’s beyond all these, I would not fall too low because of despair or fly too high because of pride. There is always a perceived limit as consequence of awareness about this ultimate power; playing water gets wet, playing fire get burnt, my freedom is limited by other individuals’ boundary that I have to respect. This is where many people think I’m totally lost when I’m lost; they think I lose control and/or give up humbleness. Nope! In fact I’m always aware that there is a limit that I can’t even accurately prescribe and perceive in life. I can only plan, not decide the outcome. In this section I have 100% yes, just sometimes feel jealous why this power never gives me full control.

So am I lost? Let people think the way they do. I just have to be alert when ALL or MOST of those questions have lower yes answer because that’s when I’m not sufficiently developed as a human being, I’m not enough self-well-defined.

When “lost” or more suitably “wandering”, I’ll spend some time to sit down in the middle of crowded mind doing nothing saying nothing just observing what all those birds and monkeys are doing; while breathing counting the time….

I love being me with dreams and wishes that might not all come true because of limit that can suddenly emerge. Yeah! You higher power that always meddles in my affairs. ☺️ Please always side with me. 💝

Ahhhh what is this? A long ranting after getting teased of “lost to be found”.

Sky Is The Limit?

The sky, Beloved,
Layers of defined arches
Limiting a range—

—-

Have you ever thought about limit?

What is limit? Who/what has limit? Who/what has no limit? Which is the limit? How to set a limit? Questions that have haunted me for almost all my life! I tried to formulate the answers for almost 20 years and yesterday —just yesterday— a convincing answer reached me like a tap on my shoulders. One of the answer is that with this limitation I can do something that the one with no limit can’t. 💝

This hopefully be a breakthrough in my life.

Thank you!

I’ll rant about the mind blowing answers from a young scholar. Not today; someday when I find the most suitable dictions.

Welcome, new week!

they said this type of cloud is a sign to fishermen that there are a lot of fish around this limited sea area under this type of cloud 👍🏽
cotton-like sky, limit….
good to go! 17:38

Where’s Mr Sun?

Mr Sun’s hiding
Behind curtains of colours.
This brain cheats the eyes.

Ah! What is before these eyes isn’t always what is. It doesn’t matter; although it is not what is, it is still what is when it is clear what is not.

Bumpy road of saying no before finally saying yes is a long battle, a long journey to win the best throne of this heart. Know it and accept it.

Salaam. 💝

is it the ability to capture the horizon or the limitation of man-made lens that makes the shot scenery not as stunning as when viewed with these eyes? Or these very eyes get cheated?

A Fool’s A Fool

Disclaimer: Please don’t take it seriously. Putting funny tone when reading it will do some favour to enjoy it.


AF (a fool, or whatever you want): Hello!
G (God, not ghost): Hello! What now, funny bit?
AF: Look at me. I’m capable of cooking. I know how to do laundry. I can clean toilet. I can make the room. I take care of plants. I can put smiles at the most bitter person…. I’m an excellent one! Am I not?
G: And?
AF: What about making me an owner of a good hotel? Or at least a small nice clean affordable Airbnb? I will manage it myself.
G: Briliant!
AF: So it’s a deal?
G: Oh, wait, dear sneaky bit.
AF: What’s that?
G: Do you remember when you had food poisoning? What did the hotel do?
AF: They arranged a doctor and ended up paying for the bill as their food was the cause.
G: Do you remember a friend complained about the bed sheet with some weird thing? What did the hotel do?
AF: They upgraded to higher class with original booking price.
G: Do you remember when your peach pants accidentally got some unexpected colour stain?
AF: They compensated unnecessarily extra.
G: Do you remember….
AF: Stop. You are trying to tell me I’m not capable of doing all those?
G: I’m not saying it. It was more questioning you whether or not you are willing to do all those to strangers. Sometimes the bitterest snobbish strangers.
AF: No.
G: Then? What now?
AF: Alamak…. Why is it always difficult talking to you? Amen.

It is sometimes not fun doing the talk but it is always leaving a funny feeling of being thankful and content. Human being!

Thanks for making me a human being though. Hey, God! Are you still there? Sorry, sorry, sorry…. 😘

Alhamdulillah.

Done! I’m a champion of the home! 😛
and a stupidity! 😭 by a champion 🤮

One by One

Wishing, Beloved,
Upon a star where dreams sit
Waiting to be picked
One by one to the bucket
Before the steps reach the home—

Many dreams look so much near. Places to go on earth displayed in Pinterest lengthen the list and be a good escape for mind every weekend before dosing off. Can only wish that the lengthened list lengthens the life, pushing the EOL later and later— 🤗

Some dreams can’t even be described…. You are as near as far away…. 🙃

Happy weekend. Oops long weekend.

next year, next year…. please 🥰 want to stand under those trees and greet the women who carry loads on their heads! beautiful! 💝

Sketches

Sketches, Beloved
Turning imagination
To the sensible
That won’t last longer than life;
Let go from the very start—

Sometimes I asked myself “what will happen to all these sketches when I die?” 🫥 Not easy to answer until I realised what I have done to most of my mistakes: let go.

🤡

orchid – in progress; let go from the very start

Mirror

Mirror, Beloved.
Look back while looking forward!
Sigh. Blank. Mute. Smile. Shine.

Acceptance has gathered laughter, smile, speechlessness, emptiness, anger into a frame with a figure looking into a mirror at the same time seeing what is situated behind.

Beloved, the past is the past but it is what has molded a present person. It should be forgiven, it should not be forgotten.

Thank you, yesterday! Hello, today! Welcome, future!

mirror — rear-view, too

lovely reservoir — under the clean night sky, with the bestest friend of mine, my own self 💝

Beads of Pray

Counting beads of pray,
An echoed name flows away
Through silence of heart.

Have you ever prayed so silently? No one can hear. Only beads of pray click. A remembrance of love that is unseen. Beyond the ocean and beyond existence—

Literature is a limited tool to disclose ideas and emotions; not accurate enough to shoot one heart. Math is sharp to operate a complex equation; not sweet enough though to state naked truth.

With what then should I count this reality between two lovers? Beauty or precision?

Only beads of pray is whispered silently. Who knows the river will sail this soft voice along its flow introducing it to the estuary that escorts it to the ocean where winds push the current following the North Star to meet with you.

Salaam.

Sincerely,

from a tiny heart wrapped in a peaceful morning

Bright Red

Scarlet, Beloved,
Traveling in a canal
Brings blossom to life.

Flamboyan tree is magnificently stunning, all part of it— trunk, branches, twigs, leaves, scarlet flowers and seed pods, no exception.

Seeing pictures of flamboyan trees with blossoming scarlet flowers feels like my blood gets healthier and flows more smoothly. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence that I’m being healthy now and seeing the pictures. So, it is the blood not the scarlet flowers causing me feel alive! ☺️

Alhamdulillah. Monday is well done. A satisfying healthy day!

Note: Blood colour isn’t always bright red. It won’t be blue though.

Salaam.

(from Pinterest)

Flowers Bouquet

Bouquet, Beloved,
A bunch of symbols arranged
Through fragrance and hues.

Amaryllis: strength and determination

Daffodil: honesty, truth and forgiveness

Eucalyptus: division of the underworld, earth and heaven (Aboriginal wisdom); inner and outer strength, leadership

Gladiolus: faithfulness and integrity

Lily of the valley: sincerity and joy

Sunflower: loyalty and unconditional love

Tendril: growth, softness, flexibility (Javanese wisdom)

Flowers Bouquet in water colour; 60%, waiting for the liquid frisket to block some colours before completion

Mother of Pearl

Deep dive, Beloved,
To where soft bodies guard light
Wisdom of the dark

Nowhere is better than within, where price tag is no longer a concern, where silence and acceptance is currency, where no one looks evil or harmless, where only gratitude and peace reside, where no colour distracts, where pain and joy are blended to ecstatic reality….

….where I finally get sleepy 😁

Salaam.

the no-longer-cost-fortune-yet-still-cost-a-wisdom gemstone called pearl is produced through 100’s of layers of mineral secreted by mollusk to cover around irritants that enter its shells – if a soft body of mollusk can do it, how can’t we human beings?

Reading

Reading, Beloved
Deciphering messages
Sent by soul that shines—

Sending my warm regards to all readers in the world. Hope we’re all blessed with wisdom and fun from reading and what is read.

Salaam…. 🙏🏼

‘ve always wanted to read this book but never happens; maybe my 5 people are not those in his book 😎 skipped (maybe forever)
this writer has fascinated me with his crazy ideas about children’s life; wish I could write that way 😍 paid!
sorry, Keanu; many not even in my kindness list 😘 you’re not my guide, just a man that has charmed me with your kindness & bearded face 😂 finished reading in the bookstore

Kinokuniya SG – calm Saturday afternoon after Japanese class with Honda Sensei

Hungry

Hungry, Beloved,
For love yet the bucket’s full.
The love though won’t stop.

Was so hungry! Hungry or greedy me? Maybe greedy but just couldn’t tell people “I’m greedy I could eat a horse”. 🤤

1st pizza after ages
done! I could only eat a foal!

Morning

Morning is breathing
With sun light from the window
And red carnation.

There is always good thing to associate to morning….

…. if we accept it.

💝

said “good morning, good morning” to this good morning this good morning
always red carnation in this hotel room

Blessings

Blessings, Beloved,
Smiles counted as a welcome
Paid with a thank you.

I’ve always loved South East Asia countries; its friendliness, warmth and good food is beyond compare. Tonight was a nice local experiences with a colleague at Hanoi night for cha ca la vang, desserts on the road and egg coffee in Cafe Dinh. Most importantly on motor bike!

🏍

cha ca la vang – gone in 15 minutes! 🥰
couldn’t finish it
👍🏽
egg coffee – umm… creamy, soft and sweet
there is always cuteness making big smile
Mr Dinh
thought I could do it myself; yes, but not in Hanoi 😂 then I just let my colleague take me around 👏🏼

Life Oh Life!

Blessed life, Beloved,
Chains of weeks with good content
Closed with happy ends—

Weekend!

Again?

I’ve been curious how many weekends I’ve lived.

Way more than 2000!

Are there more good weekends than not so good ones? After some contemplation the answer is yes! There have been way more good weekends in my life! Thanks to laughter and clumsiness naturally blessed to me.

Hope to live thousands of more healthy weeks and commit to spend them gloriously!

If not given that long? Still enjoy! Or if given too short, negotiate! Don’t disappoint this human being, God. 😶

Rock this weekend!!!

weekend, let’s joke around!!!
Nasi Padang for weekend! 🤤

Love Is

Love is
Unseen rope
Invisibly tying
Sparkling souls.

Love is
Interconnected network
Constantly connecting
All computers.

Love is
Moving air
Secretly exchanged
Through breathing.

Love is
An attached context
Building meaning
In a statement.

Love is
A medium
Conveying messages
To a ready recipient.

And what is not
Is not.

Years of experience has brought me to an understanding that subtle sensitivity is one of the keys to understanding, genuineness, boundary and security.

Welcome to genuine hearts. Good bye to tricky engagements.

Today I’m in love again with those around me who never give up on my clumsiness and insensitivity and with myself who becomes more patient and acceptant.

Salaam. 💝

“3 sisters with love in heart” in progress – thanks for being older than me, you both are beautifully blessed ♥️♥️♥️

Without Love? (ranting)

Love at the first sight
To what’s captured by senses
And stays in the heart—

One beloved person called me asking why I didn’t attend a nephew’s wedding party yesterday. I said I couldn’t as I’ve been physically “beaten up” because of an accident recently. After what happened, sorry and better be careful, don’t go biking at night, wear the right shoes; she started ranting….

“What are you looking for in life? Look at your nephews and nieces getting married one by one. They wish their best wishes for you but you don’t seem to care. You’d better find one man and get married and they will attend your wedding party with all love and gifts.”

“Not my priority”, I said.

“What is your priority? Your work? Your dream? What?”

It is sometimes annoying to be a single woman in a society in which marriage is highly appreciated and considered as highway to happiness. I feel so lucky for living overseas away from those caring so much about me so I can enjoy my life the way I love to. Many of my single girl friends call me now and then telling me how tiring it is to answer the same questions again and again even when they don’t seem to have problems for not getting married. We are mentally and financially stable. 😁

“Ok, tell me I’ll find one. I know you won’t want one like your last. Tell me.”

“Sexually straight and not abusive in any way possible.”

“That’s easy! It is just you so difficult! Sometimes you just have to give up your priority or your love. I got married without love and it goes well. Many of us do and it goes well. Know that we worry about you.”

Alamak…. 

Weekend still goes well. And I’m happily looking forward to another week.

Life is a mystery, and so is love. I love my life and I don’t worry. 🥰

message for all whom I love

the right place possible – Jun. 19, 2022/17:12