Tag: lonely

Signs – ranting

Learning, Poetic

When sign means nothing,

She’s maybe illiterate

Or dead desperate.


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I had a conversation with a good friend, the topic was “sign”. This particular friend cannot read most of non verbal signs and hints from her spouse clearly. What her spouse shows non verbally won’t trigger any curiosity from her; except when he expresses it verbally then she will understand. Facial gestures, body language, more seriously mental vibration won’t do her any ring anymore.


I thought it was strange as a couple should be able “to read” each other’s feeling or idea with a blink of an eye! At least that’s my ideal couple goal.


Then after a while I can relate to what has happened to me.


I’ve been living away from family for more than 25 years; the 7 of which I’ve lived totally home alone (cats and other pets not counted). And that 7-year period is when I think I’ve lost the ability to read what my family is trying to communicate to me. We either don’t understand “the language” or we just can’t accept “the reasoning”. When it comes to language, I feel that our ability to read kinds of personal or cultural gestures have diminished either with my ignorance to their loving and caring behaviour or with their insensitivity to my practicality and logical thinking. We just don’t know how to match things in many occasions and usually we’ll just tolerate each other by saying “no worry, as long as you are happy and healthy”.


When I asked what happened to my friend and her spouse, she said “I just don’t know what language I should use to communicate with him”. Hmm exactly what I experience with my mother and siblings.


“Why don’t you try guessing whatever you see from him? Just to show that you care?”


“I’ve tried but it looks unnatural. He asked me why I did weird questioning and guessing.”


“It is ok, unnatural at the beginning but will be natural when you find the click”.


“We won’t find a click anymore. We are not happy and not meant to be.”


Eh?


At that point I couldn’t say anything. I think she is not illiterate, she’s seriously desperate.


Gosh! Life is a mystery! We, her close circle have always thought they’re the happiest and I’m the lonely. Now I think it is time to be thankful just for a minute to be happier even than the happiest.


May all beings be happy…..

Why English?

Learning

I posted more writings in English recently compared with when I was in my dear old Multiply. Why? Am I Americanized or “Englished”? No, I am not – this heart is still so much Nusantara and Indonesian.

Moving to WordPress was a very no-choice-than-dead decision because Multiply was frozen by the owner so unfairly – well, it was their right and I respected them. And, the easiest way to move all my “belongings” is WordPress, in a way that most of fellow Multipliers gave comprehensive suggestion on how to transfer all writings to this blog site. Then so be it! I didn’t want to lose any single thing although I did — Some writings were just gone or simply disconnected from the links.

Another sad thing was I lost many of my contacts — some moved to other blog sites, others to Facebook, others to twitter and the others frustratingly stopped blogging. The ones moving to wordpress also haven’t shown active appearance. I have felt so lonely – alamak* too much an expression 🙂

The ones appearing in my Readers are all English speaking bloggers, very very rare Indonesian writings are there; and that’s why I decided to write and comment more in English to feel like really communicating. At the same time I have sought more Indonesian speaking bloggers to feel more homey – alamak* another too much an expression. But it’s real…. 🙂

I’ve met some recently and I think it’s time to express more in bi-lingual or Indonesian. Not an official decision though ha ha….

  • (alamak): exclamation word like gosh, darn

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Akhir-akhir ini saya posting lebih banyak tulisan berbahasa Inggris dibanding dulu saat masih di Multiply. Kenapa sih? Sok Amrik atau sok Inggris? Nggak juga – hati ini masih Nusantara dan Indonesia banget.

Pindah ke WordPress adalah keputusan yang “nggak ada pilihan kecuali mati” karena Multiply dibekukan secara sepihak oleh pemiliknya – ya, hak mereka sih dan saya hormati keputusan itu. Dan, cara yang paling gampang adalah mindahin semua hak milik saya ke WordPress, secara kebanyakan teman-teman Multiplier kasih saran yang lengkap banget tentang cara memindahkan blog ke WordPress, yang lain susah deh dan banyak yang gak bisa kebawa. Ya udah deh! Saya juga nggak mau kehilangan satu tulisan pun walaupun udah banyak juga yang hilang atau terputus dari tautannya.

Yang sedih lagi adalah hilangnya kontak — beberapa pindah ke blogs lain, beberapa jadi Facebookers atau tweeps sejati, ada juga yang ngambek dan nggak mau nge-blog lagi. Yang pada pindah ke WordPress juga nggak aktif-aktif amat. Kesepian euy! Alamak lebay!

Jadi kebanyakan yang muncul di Readers ya yang nulisnya bahasa Inggris, jarang banget yang berbahasa Indonesia atau Jawa; so, saya saat itu memutuskan nulis pakai bahasa Inggris ajeh biar berasa komunikasi beneran gitu. Pada saat yang sama gue nggak putus asa, hunting bloggers yang berbahasa Indonesia biar tambah kerasan di WordPress. Lebay lagi! Tapi bener lho.… 🙂

Udah ketemu beberapa. Yay!

Ya udah deh basal komunikasi pakai dwi-bahasa atau Bahasa Indonesia aja. Nggak janji juga sih ha ha….

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Picture borrowed from https://voxy.com/blog/index.php/2012/08/the-bilingual-mind/

Malaysia – November 5, 2014 – 1:52am