Just yesterday I told myself to stop ranting, today I am using the same word “ranting” for my posting title.
Please just consider it a sign that I’ll write longer than haiku, my favorite type of poem.
I stand in front of mirror everyday, at least twice a day.
And I see the same person, me–
But with different expressions. Sometimes I look ok, sometimes not. Sometimes I look fresher, sometimes dull and duller. Sometimes I look beautiful, sometimes ugly and uglier. But most of all I feel that I can look better than current condition.
Is that normal? Let’s say yes.
The only thing that is not normal is…. How can I say to myself again and again that I can look better than this but then the next day I can feel that I look worse?
Is it because I don’t commit to look better?
Or is it my mind hijacking me?
Let’s do this again: stand in front of the mirror, say to myself “Hey, You. You are you yourself. If you realize that it is yourself, don’t compare yourself to others cause whomever they are you compare yourself with won’t ever reach your level and nor will you to theirs. You have your own pedestal to be you. And they have theirs to be them. Stop feeling more or less. It is you, the best you however you are.”
And, now I’m standing in front of my real reflection.
Does it guarantee I’m a good person?
No…. It is just a ranting old lady. 🙂
Kaohsiung – April 12, 2018 – 19:12
Below is a picture of mine with a giant durian — you’ve gotta see if I am more interesting than the durian hahaha….
Sitting in my tiny bedroom, I felt ache in my chest and said to myself, “Damn! How can I have so many things in my little nest? What am I going to build of those rubbish?”
Books, bottles, containers, clothes and other things were scatterred everywhere, on the floor, on the table, at the shelf, on my bed. Once again, what would I make with all of these? Nothing but an old lady hoarding bric-a-brac.
Please stop myself. Please….
“When I’m going to read my book, I’m confused which book I should read first as all the titles show me all the urgencies in life. When I’m going to write on my diary, I forgot which one is the most recent one as there are at least six different books and sketchbooks that I’ve used so far. When I’m going to iron my clothes, I’m confused which one should I work on first as the piling rags are covering my rooms. Oh my gosh!”
I stopped for a while and looked at my hands.
Only two hands….
What have they done in my life? My two hands have done so much but not so much, — too much unnecessary stuff.
Take a deep breath.
I have been clutterring and need decluttering.
Start with one simple thing. My mind.
…. Declutter my mind.
…. Throw away unnecessary things.
…. Just take what is needed, ignore what is not.
…. Stop talking, start doing.
Temasek – April 11, 2018 – 00:40
Berkelana dari hati ke hati
Menilik mana hati yang sepi
Hati sepi bertahta kilau dunia
Maka bergeraklah dia
Satu per satu
Dan menendang semua sahabat
Demi duduk sendiri
Sungguh hati kosong itu
Dijajah seorang ratu kejam
Yang bertahta di hati yang bukan miliknya dan
Untuk seorang teman yang agak aneh cara bertemannya
Cititel Midvalley – 24 September 2012