I went out for dinner at the last night stay in Hanoi with some old friends (all auditors I met before I joined this company) and our conversation like always went astray, this time to Q&A about why some of us are singles after 40.
Among 11 of us going, 4 are singles and only I am open to marriage, the other 3 just want to have temporary partnership or commitment without marriage. And so I became the center of discussion; curiosity at its highest season. 😁
Friend (F): At your age, you still want marriage?!!!
Me (M): Yes. That’s the only committed romance I want when a man approaches me. I don’t need a long dating before marriage either.
F: But you’re a romantic type who will need sparks to bloom first before marriage.
M: I will not let a man approach me if I don’t have a spark. Or, if I sense he is just playing around, I will buy strong eraser to erase my sparks immediately. I don’t want to be broken hearted again. The rule is no sh*t, no one between us.
F: So rigid! Put some fun!
M: Marriage is a commitment so I need to make it true and real from the start with some fun. The full fun can wait and it is forever. Am I right, hey married friends? (Most of them agreed; a few of them complained about the boredom of being with only one partner.)
a heavily-romantic song from Sal Priadi that might depict a definition of romance to me 😁
F: I wonder what kind of man you are attracted to.
M: No particular.
F: Must be Muslim?
M: No. I stopped talking about religion since forever. A man with religion is not a guarantee, based on my long observation.
F: Handsome?
M: As long as someone is a man, I can call him handsome.
F: Rich?
M: Not necessarily but I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t have enough resource to take care of his family. I don’t want someone from a family that has tendency to overestimate its own and underestimate others. Socioeconomic charisma in society is never my criteria. My criteria is simply stable protection; I don’t look for high profile family.
F: So, what type do you want? Seems humble but you are actually picky!
M: Why are you irritated by my preference?
F: I mean you are 49, don’t you think you need to simplify your criteria?
M: I have done it and I only have 5 main criteria.
F: Name them, lady.
It was funny that I felt life became so roomy when I was able to tell who I am to other human beings without forcing.
M: 1. Sexually straight — I respect LGBTQ++ but I don’t want to be in a romance with them. 2. Not abusive verbally, paychologically and especially physically — abuse is never good, 3. Loyal to me then his and my families — 4. Independent including in making decision for himself and later him and me, 4. Responsibly hardworking.
F: Why hardworking? Smart working no?
M: I don’t know what smart working is, maybe it is just another tyoe of hard working. I saw my father, a hardworking man who took care of his family to the best he could. He might not have been able to make us super rich family but he never gave up. He was a responsible man by being hardworking. We are respected because my father had dignity in his life. No lazy man is welcomed.
F: I am lazy at the weekends, Rike.
M: And you are seriously married. A good combination to a no.
There were other questions but not shareable here. Too private and personal 😎
F: Do you feel lonely?
M: I am not except in a long biz trip like this. Hotel room never feels home after one week for me. When I am home, I never ever feel lonely; I love staying home with or without company.
F: I pray for you.
M: For what?
F: To marry your true love.
M: Thank you! (Funny to accept the prayer from the atheists; so officially that day I started believing that all human beings believe in a power beyond life, some just don’t find the right concept they can accept.)
We enjoyed the chicken claws that tasted much more delicious that evening because of our conversation. Laughter and beer (for me no beer) made the short rendezvous worth goldbars. Then we travelers walked back to our hotels and residents drove back home.
I love my friends! They don’t judge my choice how much ever different it could be.
Be happy, dear friends. See you in our next rendezvous!
to my true love, i am saying hi to you before you arrive,
but if you don’t, do believe that i’m ok with or without you
💕
rike jokanan 
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