Dreamseeds, Beloved,
Land only on a warm heart
That does what it says.
if i were a fairy, i would fly with the dandelion to plant seeds of dream so all good heart can sing only guileless love songs
Dreamseeds
Tag: blessings
Thank You, My Morning
Thank you, my morning
For giving my passion back
After short suicide.
the lagoon pool this morning, its splashing sound competing with the traffic picking up was the background when i called my mother after my morning walk
my mother is sometimes too worried about me then she says “you’re too active”; she’s not exactly right — yes i swim every 2 days, walk 5km every 2 days and bike now and then but i see others run, hike the mountains, box (some of my Filipino colleagues do), etc
so i told my mother just now that i will keep being active if this is what she calls active as this is what makes me greet my morning with positive vibes everyday
i don’t want to waste my time by doing what those in despair do
and she always tells me “don’t forget the routine fasting but eat more” — what?! mother…. a woman that annoys you but you can’t stop loving her
terima kasih, my morning & ibuku sayang
Reasons to Love?
I've learnt reasoning since
Forever.
I gain what and what
Through stingy allowance
To let things happen in life
Except
One,
You.
I generously gain
You.
Beloved,
Can you please sometimes tell me why I should not love?
Should I love king only? Or should I not for he is too high?
Or should I love beggar? Or should I not as he is too low?
Or should I learn now that
There must be reasons to
Love?
Life is sometimes showing me
Love
Then taking it back cruelly
With little to no chance.
i beg your guidance, always
💕
Trie Utami (only in Bahasa Indonesia)
Teachers can be those telling me something new to me to understand, those reminding me what I forgot and/or those confirming what I’ve comprehended.
Life is beautiful.
thank you, Abu for always sharing your learning process; thank you, dear Mbak Iie for sharing your journey — you both are blessed
Everyday Life
In everyday life
Leaves are on trees, trees on roots;
Blooms and fruits on hopes--
my everyday life is prosaic, i recompose it to be poetic so i can enjoy it with my loved ones
💕
Lyrics (softly spoken, deep and on point)
What in the world are we going to do?
Look at what everybody's going through
What kind of world do you want it to be?
Am I the future or the history?
'Cause everyone hurts
Everyone cries
Everyone tells each other all kinds of lies
Everyone falls
Everybody dreams and doubts
Got to keep dancing when the lights go out
How in the world I am going to see?
You as my brother
Not my enemy?
'Cause everyone hurts
Everyone cries
Everyone sees the color in each other's eyes
Everyone loves
Everybody gets their hearts ripped out
Got to keep dancing when the lights go out
Gonna keep dancing when the lights go out
Hold tight for everyday life
Hold tight for everyday life
At first light
Throw my arms out open wide
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelu-halle-hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelu-halle-hallelujah
Yes
You
When I found you,
It was a spellbound day.
The feel of being bewitched,
Charmed, tormented and blessed at the time brought me a big question.
What is this?
A dream?
A mirage?
An illusion?
Another test?
There will be a day
To judge if
You materialise or
You fade away.
You
If there is a mystery, it is
You.
You appear in the door of my heart
As a surprise.
Is that really you?
Or a ghost assigned to test?
If it is truly you, be you.
If it is a ghost, be gone.
You
Although everyday
I want to say to
You anything I want to say
But say not as I bet
You know how I feel,
You know what I wish,
You know whom I miss,
You know and
You know.
One day heaven knows which day
I will say to
You anything I want to say
Everyday although
You know how I feel,
You know what I wish,
You know whom I miss,
You know and
You know.
You
That I miss
You is out of question.
Yet does it matter if
You have one closest place within me
Where I can whisper to
You about stories of my daily hope,
About plans beyond my here now?
Only to
You--
I don't have to shout to the world about how much I wish to be with
You because
They don't need to know.
I don't have to show to the audience about how much I wish to hear from
You because
This softest prayer is one of the most clangorous wishes.
You
They say loving intensely is a waste.
No.
Loving you intensely is simply
Throwing you a sweet smile,
Holding your hand,
Walking with you,
Sitting in silence next to you,
Staring the same scenery,
Breathing the same air,
Humming a tune that some day heaven knows which day
Only love does matter.
About Books
What are you reading today?
Said I to myself.
I did read pages of books
Seen in my favourite bookstore,
Met in MRT, the mall, the restaurant and on my way.
They all were read by me that life is either difficult or light, easy or heavy,
Yet none wanted to leave among the disarray.
Do they love their life?
Maybe yes, maybe no
But they were willing to stay,
Living in their own way
To finish writing their stories
With a
Happy ending.
How should I write my book?
I plan a
Happy ending
When only love matters.
In the writing
I use my own letters.
the 3 on top must be completed by end of Oct then i will read other thinner books; otherwise i can’t achieve 2024’s reading target — i am competing with myself to achieve better than myself last year
this year 4 of the books i read are based on recommendation; thanks for recommending the good books — i skip some recommended though with some reason
among all books i’ve read some have changed the way i perceive life: Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and The Sea, Jack London’s The Call of The Wild, Quraish Shihab’s Jilbab, Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist, Bhagavad Gita, and several others — all those writers are collaborating to teach me how i should dismantle my rigid thought about life and so i’ve been gradually set free as a human being
when i like a book, i will read it again and again; fyi, i seldom scribble on my books, so i put post-it or book-markers or just a piece of paper between interesting pages — many of my books are dog-eared but mostly clean
every reader has one’s own habit to love one’s points of reading
😊
Rain, Don’t Go Away
Rain, don't go away.
There's a clay land to spray, then
I'll welcome what may.
i love rainy season as much as i love autumn as they feel like falling in love everyday; i love other seasons as they feel like dreaming of an upcoming love everyday
💕
Be You
Be playful, dear self
At the same time
Be kind.
Be free
To be who
You truly are
Although to do it
You've got to sneak out
For a while.
I won't lose you,
Hey little sweet girl in me.
Nice and Light
Trimmed up, Beloved,
A heavy bough of ripe fruits
With nice and light smiles.
heavy week completed with nice and light smiles — alhamdulillah….
happy weekend
💕
1,000’s
I'm a soul of thousands of years,
Traveling through space and time
To introduce a flow of notes
Performing a play
Full of poems.
Someday the story will be
Composed in prose.
Do you care to read,
Beloved?
Weather
Weather, Beloved
Changes with the wind and sun.
Different from my heart:
Stubbornly dances for you
Even when the rain falls hard.
rain stopped when i reached home (with my keys) but the cold was wrapping my wet body — after some light shower, i decided to cook my favourite oxtail soup (lucky i boiled the oxtail this morning – i am blessed with every luck)
who said blessings don’t come when someone is under the weather? the weather waves white towel to this person just because of a bowl of oxtail soup, a bowl of pomelo and plums and a bowl of yoghurt
trust the gut and even bad weather will turn to a sweet evening
The Keys
There are flying keys,
One right to open a door
To a heart that loves.
i left this AirTag attached to a group of keys (key card to apartment and block gates, unit door, bedroom door, locker, a drawer and another secret key) in my office desk and so i had to go back to office through the most accessible U-turn which is located right in front of my home compound….
….and it was raining cats and dogs!
how did i feel? one second of down then lucky the whole journey: what if my iPhone didn’t flash my left AirTag? i might have reached the gate and got nervous not finding the keys to open all doors
a tragic comedy of the keys attached to an AirTag
even a sad story can be a laughable
thank you, iPhone and AirTag
😁
Vulnerable
How can I be loved? Asked I.
She said:
There's no way out
But in;
To bravely expose
The beauty within
To the beast without,
To sincerely open
The beast within
To the beauty without.
Getting yourself observed,
Criticised,
Appreciated,
Evaluated,
Complimented,
Gossiped,
Praised,
Judged through
Word and look
As sharp as
Guillotine.
Being vulnerable
Is amazingly
Magical--
It gives victory
To an exhausted troop
Right before
They fall into an abyss
Of despair.
Be
Vulnerable,
That's the way to be
Loved.
whatever they say, i prance lightheartedly — my dreams are beyond what they think 💕
Refreshed
The sound of splashes
Echoing around a pond
Shows a frog refreshed.
home dinner gets me truly refreshed — not so much time to cook, so let’s eat raw then enjoy the music and books
❣️
You’re A Book
You're a book she's read,
Much to digest and absorb.
A witty preface--
i breathe books in everyone i meet; their life stories are all worth telling; some in secret, some in public — no one is unworthy
sometimes i can sense a dazzling story just by reading its preface; sometimes the preface doesn’t represent the helter-skelter conflicts within the book; sometimes a book simply puts me to sleep soundly
😎
Ripples
Your breath, Beloved,
Reaches me between my breath
And whispers your love.
You touch this heart through ripples
That moves dust from its surface.
clear and true 💕
Ripples
A tiny feather
Leaves a trace on still water.
Message to the calm--
be true
True
When love is set free,
It rushes out to fly true
To its home called heart.
be true
Silence
She can hear silence
Whispering rhythms through the wind.
She then writes the rhymes.
Rest
Get rest, Beloved.
You've raced with a packed schedule
That's tamed by weekends.
the drink is “Teh Botol Sosro” the most legendary bottled tea in Indonesia 😘
mini tumpeng for today’s birthday dinner (most components by me) – need to rest my hands after cooking; this weekend is gonna be biking to east coast
Good Morning
Good morning, dear self.
Fly my love across the sea
Where heaven's sitting.
RC Gorman’s work of art – i feel strongly Gorman knew exactly how it feels to be a not-married woman: dressing herself nicely, wearing herself comfortably, greeting environment sweetly, loving her own self dearly like loving her beloved
Birthday & Zodiac(s) (ranting)
Happy birthday, myself.
Continue doing what you love.
If not, love what you are doing with commitment, discipline and some gentleness called love.
Know that every single deed be recorded in a ribbon coiling around you, reviewed and rewarded.
Know that however sincere and true you are,
You sometimes will be misunderstood
Even by those closest to you,
And sometimes explanation won't clear the way.
Just be true,
Be kind.
Or, walk out of the room for a while.
Enjoy your double-life: being one in the crowded road and the other in the silent pathway, always
With some sprinkle of love.
You are blessed.
A moment of happiness, you and I sitting on the verandah, apparently two, but one in soul, you and I. (Rumi)
I am 49 today….
….feeling blessed with what I’ve been given. #andnotgiven
….feeling good with by whom I’ve been surrounded. #andnotsurrounding
….feeling lucky that still looking younger than my age (said one selling me a life insurance and said ones selling me bright coloured dresses). #paradoxicallyblessed
When people say “age is just a number”, I’ve always disagreed. Age is counted with number to highlight various processes and stories along a linear line although to me life is never linear, it’s always inward spiral. Originally the phrase “just a number” is to comfort those afraid to age, those who think getting old is scary and less favourable. In fact, getting old is fun and blessed. I’ve never thought that I still can have fun at this age, responsibly do what I love to, go to places in bucket list (no backpacking), dress the way I love to, fall in love every single day with myself and those making me love myself more, look forward to dreams coming true, and a lot more. I am talking about getting old, not being dead– the latter is mysterious and I’m still not committed to be 🤓
What is the essence of getting old to me? Getting old is a journey ahead of total maturation of how a human being chooses to responsibly respond & tactfully react to given situations; and a journey back home to childlike sincerity within of how a human being playfully celebrates failures and successes of life. I refresh maturity each day, at the same time playfulness and candour.
When birthday comes, people like to remind me of me being Virgo, but am I truly a Virgo just because of being born in Sep? I am not sure, in fact Virgo is in both my sun and moon, my rising/ascendant is Aquarius and several other zodiac signs sit in the other houses in the chart. Actually yes I see at times I am a pendulum swinging from being “Virgo’s pragmatic approaches, worrisome nature and rigid ideas” to being “Aquarian’s free-spirit, living life one day at a time, enjoying here-now moment” and in between I am transiting in different zodiac signs in experiencing this precious life. By Chinese astrology I am a Rabbit. By Javanese astrology, oh sooo complicated!
Particular family members, friends & colleagues quote astrology to assure me that they know my personality when commenting about my behaviours.
“It’s because you’re Virgo so you are like this,” said they. “It’s because you’re a Rabbit so you are like that”. “It’s because you’re blahblahblah….”
Well, I respect their willingness to at least understand about me through the pseudoscience called astrology. They don’t judge with bare hands, they present something to my hands. Science or pseudoscience to me though must follow my conscience; their opinion might slip from between the pores of my existence, from between fingers of these hands.
Anyways, to my understanding about this self: I simply accept that this person called Rike is a combination of inherited & evolving DNA, family upbringing & social interaction, life experience & trauma, decided responses & reactions, hopes & dreams; which might happen in awareness or not, well organized or random. If astrology does matter, it is only part of all. Once a human being understands one’s self through one’s own self (in Javanese wisdom it includes but not be limited to “mawas diri” or self examination), astrology knowledge is just frills in a gown.
Please don’t get offended by my personal opinion, take it as a stupid if not humble one.
Whatever strong opinions about or labels given to me –how ugly or how grand– by other human beings won’t change the true me that I experience intimately. I won’t let those labels rob this intimacy. Even all identities I embrace dearly shouldn’t shake this intimacy. Those human beings labelling me and I are raw stones massively tumbled in a giant tumbling machine called life; we each other all hit, break, scratch, polish to finally shine and show the true colours of each of us. How painfully beautiful at the same time beautifully painful life is!
Thank you, Gusti Allah for this beautiful journey called human life.
I know you’ve had boundless repertoire of sweet surprises. Please give me wonderful time like always.
💕
The Lights
The lights, Beloved
Bring what dark has long hidden,
Disclose where to walk.
the structure in the picture is called The “Monument to Man” located on the hill above Chisholme House standing as an invitation to all of humanity to return to the origin of all love and to express it in the world
it is a tombstone of Bulent Rauf, a sufi master who founded the Beshara School where life is discussed and experienced through discourses and daily experience
i never thought that my inner journey would achieve its major disclosure in that remote place, far away from my home, poles apart from my culture
one friend sent this picture to the whatsapp group: the aurora borealis light on the “Monument to Man” — this brings my memory back to my stay there, a serene at the same time busy days
for 10 days i did a full day of work among the scheduled English morning & afternoon tea, breakfast, lunch and dinner — i celebrated my birthday silently, i kept it secret, and i felt so close to my own self, until now i believe all of us felt the same with what i felt and i wanted everyone to celebrate their serene days without distraction
since then i’ve committed to keep myself true to myself so i can be true to all; but what i do is just a little of it as i am not a saint, i am not either pious or religious, i am a sinner, i am a walking dirt but i want to keep my tiny spark shine within me and so it goes…. a human being in the making
💕
thank you
Planned
If I'm asked to plan,
I'll plan colourful events
Where bravery rules.
plunge into ocean of possibilities – be brave, Beloved; you’ve failed and fallen, another plunge won’t kill
execute the plan to once again plunge into it and then…. done
💕
Rain
It is now raining,
Water combs dust down the roof.
She's trapped in the cold.
rain, i have no chance to warm up in the roof garden so i just sit in a sofa wrapped in my warm knit poncho
rain, i love it but at the same time have to struggle with the cold in the air conditioned building
rain, stay as you wish
rike jokanan 
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