graphs of my Universe
Rains talk about it: What is and is not; unique, Comprehensive Self. Woven with thousands of threads, Dyed in thousands of colours—
It’s about you, Beloved…. You that is understood and at the same time misunderstood….
May all beings be happy.
I never want to hurt myself, I just didn’t know who you are.
I got hurt by a cactus in a desert
Who pricks little fingers,
Who just want to touch this life softly,
Not hurting, not taking anything away.
Wounded, I decided to blame stupidity:
Why did I have to have to have to have to have to just touch cacti? I should have left that arid land long before I touched a prickly spirit.
A delayed regret is less important than a lesson learned but it always gives a story the most significant pivot.
Now
I’ll just admire from here
From where I stand
With millions of prayers
For a secret journey.
Yet I know you are a ghost days and nights.
Someday when I pour down the rain,
You’ll know.
Love is as sweet as water in drought—
Maybe—
If it is not late....
May all beings be happy.
Life is a complete journey. You’re the driver, passenger, the road, the vehicle, the destination and the source!
That’s not complete, that’s complicated or even complex.
Dear Self, it doesn’t matter though that the understanding of the complexity isn’t coming yet.
You may think you’re just a driver, dear Self. But why thinking you’re a driver if you don’t even think of direction?
You may think you’re merely a passenger. Why thinking you’re that if you are so busy directing your life to certain direction. Only driver minds about direction.
You’re the road ‘coz you’re always saying you’re tracing back your DNA. You claim that you try to understand yourself, to follow your line…. You’re the road and route itself.
The vehicle?
Without your body, you won’t be able to move around! You. Are. Your. Own. Vehicle.
Note that!
The direction?
You always say everything is for your own good, for your own benefit…
You’re your own purpose. Direction.
Re-orient yourself!
The source?
Don’t worry, dear Self there is blown spirit given to you, from the Source.
So if you don’t think you’re the source, you at least contain some particle sparked or blown or splashed or however the way from the Source.
Hmm…. Love
So easy to fool around this humble Self to believe that life is a complete oops complex journey….
Take it easy….. Time to enjoy your corn with cheese, dear Self.
May all beings be happy
There are times when you feel people pass by you igniting some fire inside of you. Oops! Not you, it is me. There are times when I feel people pass by me igniting some fire inside of me. And that day is ruined, work isn’t fun, chores aren’t fun, good movies become boring, good books become rubbish, many things become lousy.
This evening I looked at the face in the mirror, scrutinised the body line, touched the thinning hair and felt the throbbing core in the chest. Closing my eyes, those faces of people igniting my fire jumped and jolted out of my head…. And some inner songs are sung to the Self.
Dear Self,
All coming to you as Teachers with different what and how.
Some people come teaching with words.
Some others come teaching with actions.
Some others come teaching with emotions.
The others come teaching you with the combination of those.
You’ve gotta accept those people lightly ‘coz they are just Teachers.
Oh, Love
I don’t feel like having Teachers anymore.
Dear Self,
Then take them as Messengers.
All the words, actions and emotions are lines of messages, prophecies, justification, validation, rectification…. Or even judgement for you, on you, to you.
Just take them as Messengers and let them go freely and lightly. Don’t hold on to who they are. The messages and the way the messages are brought to you is more meaningful than the Messengers.
Let the Messengers go. They need to send messages to other human beings.
Oh, Love.
I know now.
My hair becomes grey and thinning because of the ugly voices.
My skin and flesh becomes flabby because of the cruel hands and feet.
My eyes and smiles become dull and gloomy because of the laughter and anger.
Those are all the reflections of my own deficiencies, not those Messengers’.
I care too much on who and whom and that has made me so tired like Heaven.
Dear Self.
Now that you know….
Oh, Love.
I don’t know
Dear Self.
But you said you know….
Oh, Love.
Let me revise. Now I know that I just need to see thing as it is, not adding assumption, perception and loading emotions….
That way I liberate myself.
That way I unlearn what have blinded me from the reality.
That way I accept things as they are.
That way I judge things neutral.
And that way I can live lightly.
Dear Self
Good!
Oh, Love.
Nothing is good or bad.
Dear Self.
You start to talk wise like me.
Oh, Love.
Aren’t I you?
Dear Self,
Stop.
Time to eat your fried tofu then sleep….
Oh, Love.
You are wise and know what I need….
—-
Note to Self: sometimes you don’t have to take life so heavily; otherwise, your head will explode before its due date. Eat then sleep! 😁
My dear Self,
You are not what you have.
You are what you do.
Oh dear Love,
Why do you keep reminding me to be one that is difficult to materialise?
Do I have another option?
My dear Self,
You have all possible options.
Be what you wanna be
But what you have should not define you.
Bloody hell, you Love….
But ok…. I will do.
May all beings be happy.
Slowing down footsteps
Pace along an ancient route.
Trace back your soul path.
Now here
—
Thought sometimes gets puzzled why thing happens to the Self, while logically she has made best possible efforts to control it not to emerge into events. At times emotions pour like heavy rain or they numb all nerves.
Then the Self realises that all is about tracing back the soul path: paying one’s karma, optimising one’s dharma.
Dear, Self.
You’d better pass major lessons in the current life. You shouldn’t want to fail the same lessons: acting lame or repeatedly meeting lame spirits wrapped in different physical planes, or both at the same time.
Dear, Beloved.
If it is not done,
Don’t let me slip from Your hands.
May all beings be happy….
Thank you for those who wrote the lyrics and composed the music. It reflects the conversation between my soul and my physical reality. I want something just like this!
For them, I dedicate this plain haiku:
Longing for a song.
I am something just like this.
I accept my this.
===
“Something Just Like This”
(with Coldplay)
I’ve been reading books of old
The legends and the myths
Achilles and his gold
Hercules and his gifts
Spiderman’s control
And Batman with his fists
And clearly I don’t see myself upon that list
But she said, “Where d’you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts.
Some superhero,
Some fairytale bliss.
Just something I can turn to.
Somebody I can kiss.
I want something just like this.”
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Oh, I want something just like this
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Oh, I want something just like this
I want something just like this
I’ve been reading books of old
The legends and the myths
The testaments they told
The moon and its eclipse
And Superman unrolls
A suit before he lifts
But I’m not the kind of person that it fits
She said, “Where d’you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts.
Some superhero,
Some fairytale bliss.
Just something I can turn to.
Somebody I can miss.
I want something just like this.
I want something just like this.”
Oh, I want something just like this
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Oh, I want something just like this
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
“Where d’you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts.
Some superhero,
Some fairytale bliss.
Just something I can turn to.
Somebody I can kiss.
I want something just like this.”
Oh, I want something just like this
Oh, I want something just like this
Oh, I want something just like this
How do you thank Life–
For what you are? Find a way.
And stick to its plan.
Temasek – October 27, 2017 – 00:40 (sakdurunge adus)
This song by Mariah Carey, Hero has been a good earplug for me. Been feeling so tired of my own self – being not confident with all what I called weaknesses. Until I found that points of weakness are where our strenghts stand out. Enjoy…. ❤
There’s a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don’t have to be afraid
Of what you are
There’s an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
It’s a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don’t let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You’ll find the way
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you
Singapore – May 22, 2017 – 00:45
I am so busy with myself.
My friends — some — think I’ve been so ignorant to them.
Then they left me behind.
Not sure what they want form me. They want my attention maybe…. But they at the same time forget that I need to share my self with my own self. I’ve been giving them my whole attention and it is time to hold! Hold.
I am sorry, my dear friends….
Please move on. With your hatred to me. Or, with your ignorance to me. Or, with your disappointment to me. Or, with whatever you have or not have for me…. Place and time are yours, and mine is now and here. Let’s move on to our direction we’ve chosen with all our heart.
Let’s love our selves; because before loving the air, we should be able to love our breath…. Let me love my self now; that way I can show you truly how I do love you.
No matter how goddamn upset with me, please forgive me. Please go on leaving me. Please love your self. Please let me love my self…. Let’s breathe freely.
The light is at the end of the tunnel. You reach it at the end of yours and I do mine. That fair.
Thank you, dear friends…..
Shangri-La Kuala Lumpur – June 20, 2014 – 11:22pm
Picture borrowed form http://fit.webmd.com/teen/mood/rmq/rm-quiz-toxic-friends
Found that all those things don’t cater my needs. Found that all those don’t introduce my face. Found that all those are covering layers. Found that all those are just in my very blurred sight….
That is not what I want or what I need.
Ooooooohhhhhh haaaahhhh!
Tired of googling to find where is the one.
Just waiting, in this couch while enjoying my very self.
Singapore – June 2, 2014 – 1:11am
Picture borrowed from 
I have got along with some special people who are willing to help boost my inner strength. They have done it in many different ways: discussion, interactive writing, sharing of work of art, auto-drawing, auto-writing, card reading, numerology, etc.
Auto-drawing is one of attractive way in doing so. A friend of mine has the capability and helps his other friends in drawing the spirit condition based on the result of his reading the frequency of the person’s spirit drawn.
You might want to be drawn regularly through chosen interval. I’ve been drawn once a year – three times. If we are willing to evaluate ourselves to overcome the potential imbalance reflected in the drawing, we’ll get to know that we improve spiritually.
My first drawing was a young girl walking down the street without any focus, just walk and smile, walk and smile…. Not focused, not mature.
Second year of drawing was someone with wings, a mature woman that feel lonely in the crown of big city. t was truly me drawn that way. I was enjoying the beauty of being a spiritual person but at the same time I felt so alone, no friend to talk about my spiritual development. Anyway, it was still a blessing.
This year, I am still with wings, smiling, with a pair of big ears, two hands unite in front of chest, standing on the top building of the city surrounded by the clouds. I am mature, thankful, surrender, listen to all around represented by big ears, seclude my own self from human beings and just be busy with the voice of heaven. You might want to see the picture; it is at the bottom of this post.
This really helps. Let’s love ourselves by knowing who we are…. Whatever methods are fine, just do the follow up seriously.
Intercontinental Hotel Phnom Penh – May 17, 2014 – 7:17am
rike jokanan 
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