Light

Life is just like that. Like what?
Like whatever she perceives--
Be she fun,
Or gloomy--
Be she colourful,
Or dull--
Be she letting go,
Or attaching--
Be she alone,
Or together--

Life is just like
Her in whatever version
She wants her to be.

my life shall be as light as my heart can be

I’ll always unload things unnecessary to clutch on as those things will only make my steps drudge while I’d be glad prancing

only with love….

….and love only

whatever they say….

….how much ever they think

I’m light, moving light, to the light

☘️

Clarity

Clarity, my love
Is silence that loudly says
About who you are.

some people talk about honesty as if honesty is falling hair of theirs – nothing but waste….

…. not because honesty doesn’t mean anything; yet because they claim being honest but actually lying.

once I thought you were this, and your signs said you were this until all birds then messengers coming saying that you are that….

honesty saves everyone’s time….

1) when honesty is about dishonesty

2) when it is the talking of the walk

3) when it is the walking of the talk

🙃

so clear to me, after meeting a friend yesterday

☺️

Clear Glasses

Clear glasses, my love
With which colours and shapes seen
Are cleaned everyday.

it’s both the glass container and the glass spectacles should be clean to see clearly

exactly like one person’s action and the other’s perspective

❣️

4 Elements In Me

I'm water, my love
Living with the soil and air
Burnt by this blue fire.

To me clarity is more important than belief. With belief I might grab in the dark, to some level of darkness I might be frantically euphoric or falling into abyss of confusion. With clarity I can appropriately choose what I need to do & when further blessed, to do it appropriately.

Clarity is gained through many ways, as many as the heart in life. I myself like to think I clarify myself about myself based on how 4 nature elements (water, air, soil & fire) purify themselves.

There are few ways to gain clarity/purity in each but I’d like to talk about one for each.

Water naturally flows to clean itself; flowing to filter what’s in through its movement against all odds (stones, holes, debris, etc). By filtering for clarity it means I need to pass by at the same time to let go a lot of things in life to be clear (& clean). Like river, I receive materials from various sources that possibly contain unnecessary or unfavourable matters & I need to choose which to stay & which to get rid of. Flowing is leaving some behind & taking necessary some ahead. I’ve let go a lot of memories & people.

Air circulates what’s in. By circulating for clarity it means I should not stop sharing. The more I share (material, knowledge, vibes, etc), the more I find clarity in life. Like air, this person needs to vent, too. I tell stories, write, rant, talk, argue, discuss to verify information accuracy.

Soil decomposes what’s in. It breaks things into minuscule or even atomic pieces & blend all in one environment. Like soil, I don’t mind dealing with rotten and/or damaged things (ideas, gossips, accusation, prejudice, etc). Sometimes I swallow the worst leftover. Rubbish can turn to gold! Is it possible artist here? (Not the artist in Bahasa Indonesia’s artis, it is the seniman)

Fire heats to purify itself. Like blue fire I sometimes feel of having the most life energy (oxygen) & the motivation (high temperature). I clarify by motivating myself & others. I often don’t need external voice to motivate myself. I can be rather stubborn against change: sometimes only my will can change my ways. Learning from own mistakes is good: getting burnt 😁

Clarification leaves waste (emotions) so I need to deal with it by treating them well.

Note: 

  • I’m more water than fire. I’m more soil than than air. I’m more air than fire. I’m more water than soil. 😊
  • This idea is original but murky; might not work for you. Find your own way to be clear about yourself.

A Door In A Home

She thought
The door was open ajar
And so she stepped forward
Then she found
It was never ajar,
It was unclearly welcoming,
Playing true heart,
Causing a burning pain.

It was a glass window
Protecting a door
That was never open--
Neither for her
Nor for anyone
Probably--
Some home is designed
To lure hope
Just to damage true trust.

She decided that
It's her fault
And mindfully she's to be careful
As her heart won't
Bear the cost of
What's not true
Anymore.

stand in front of a door that is finally found never open for me, time to go within

it is my first time, very first time to find that a heart can show me so overwhelmingly huge clear admiration and hope but then cause me to free fall ridiculously

maybe i did something really bad to that heart in my previous life

dear, love — i don’t want unclarity next time; i don’t want false alarm; i want only clear mind and genuine intension

lesson is learnt in many ways; i thank life for teaching me so much love — this time love that has no clarity about its own self

thank you, love for giving me clarity about myself and about you

💕

Softness

She won't let go, Love
The softness and clarity
She's gained through tough years.

found it this morning and sent it to Ina and Novi, my bestfriends — humble human beings whose heart talks to me with blissful joy, i to them and would be on and on

thank you❣️

Goes Down On Her Knees, Prays

Her heart aches,
She needs some medicine
And so she goes down on her knees and prays
For clarity.

She hopes soon her tips of fingers can touch clearly
Whether it is pulsating
Of better future
Or potentially repeated puncture.

Show me his way.

fastbreaking today — bismillah

i booked a table in my favourite Japanese resto as i wanted to enjoy their crab but no table was available at my preferred time

so i bought kanikama as the frozen crab was not available either in dondondonki

….randomly mixed it with whatever i had

i needed rice but not much time to cook it

…. ok

not bad at all to start this evening

japanese restaurant, see you on sunday

Woodpecker’s Messages

She has heard bird news,
Sending messages
Through Morse Code.
Dots, dashes, spaces—

She has heard numbers, words, punctuations,
Telling stories
About no hope.
Acceptance, letting go, moving on—

She has heard songs, poems, winds,
Springing in heart
Warmly and gently.
Future is brighter only with clarity.

She has heard a woodpecker
Reminding her of signals and signs
In every dance of nature
To be enjoyed and understood.

She has heard of you
Giving blocks and traps
To redirect her to her own path
To happiness.

She has heard of heaven
Approving whatever she’d do
As long as she’s happy and safe
Without disturbing life.

She has heard
Dews imbuing morning to refresh,
Twilight whispering night to rest.
Life is truly a woodpecker’s Morse Code.

She has heard
And she closes her eyes,
But not ears
As long as she’s happy and safe.

Thank you, Michael Lai for again allowing me to use your poetic pictures to illustrate a poem of mine that has been poking me since forever. 🙏🏼

Bay Woodpecker Pecking a Hole in the Tree (4 Photos)

Travelers


We are all
Full time travelers
Visiting space of everywhere
Staying in faraway nowhere

Oh, Beloved.
Listen to the whooshing comets
Telling you flash news
About your singing heart.

Oh, Beloved.
Look at the satellites
Showing you hopes and vibes
About your cheering head.

We are all
Full time travelers
Finding space called a home
Among houses that were loomed.

Found!
After lost—

Thank you, Love.

💗

Clear Sky (ranting)

Clear sky, Beloved,
Calm blue where clouds swim, birds fly
Under the warm sun—

Javanese live their life with meaning and that makes them “effortlessly” survive even in the hardest time. They pin meaning to everything they experience. I believe Javanese are naturally philosophers whose communal humble life is richly loaded with wisdom; unfortunately fading away by the time.

Meanings easily recognised by most Javanese are those pinned to batik method and patterns. Historically batik patterns were works of art composed by either scholars from padepokan (ashram in Sanskrit) or the royals (king, queen, prince, princess or royal artists). In fact, there were few batik patterns created by commoners such as batik nitik and batik kawungKawung is one of the oldest original patterns of Javanese batik which has existed since 12th century. Nitik was born younger, approximately in 19th century.

Fun fact about Javanese king: aside from courses of political knowledge, leadership, palace management etc, long time before his coronation a Javanese crown prince must completely compose 3 works of art and publicly present them to the board of senior royals then announced the art pieces to people in the kingdom. Those three are batik pattern whose batik is handmade by him, tembang/kidung (sacred Javanese song) sung by him; and bedhaya dance trained to the dancers by him (a solemn Javanese dance performed by a group of dancers).

While batik nitik was initially created as secret codes by commoners to circulate among them classified information kept hidden from unjust aristocrats at that time or from the enemies (some historians said though this pattern was composed by the royals); kawung was allegedly created by a mother to dress her son who was instructed by the king to join his exclusive team due to his outstanding skill of espionage and balanced state of mind (again the historians said this pattern was composed by the royals). The said mother made a sheet of kawung pattern for him before he left as a prayer that her son could keep his current quality even after he later lived among (socially, politically, professionally) higher rank people.

kawung aka kolang-kaling, two seeds, four half-chambers (from Pinterest)

Kawung is the Javanese word of sugar palm (kolang-kaling). The symmetrical four half chambers in a fruit are used to symbolise balanced state among physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual. The clear colour of the seed is borrowed to symbolise clarity: of conscious mind, of conscious decisions, of intension, of purpose and of actions.

People also relate the word kawung to suwung that can mean emptiness: in this matter suwung is more about self alignment, absence of sense-driven wanting. A person in this suwung state in positive interpretation means someone who is already free from his/her craving for worldly interests, s/he is able to calmly and consciously prioritise among physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual proportions with no doubt or confusion. S/he is in high level of awareness of a “perfect” human being.

In Java region that kind of person is not necessarily a saint or a priest or a bikhu(ni) or a nun; s/he might be a farmer, a batik maker, a herbal seller, a taxi driver, an employee, a housewife, a leader etc, just whoever is willing to self align through what they do everyday regardless their professions. Not a few of them were “bad” people hearing the inner calling, deciding to quit their wrong doings and living “new” life.

At younger age, I met more of that type around us in my hometown. Now fewer and fewer people are interested to achieve that level because life pace is now becoming faster with the “tsunami of information” and life needs are “forcing” people to be constantly in alert mode with the high competition to “survive certain life style”. 

Not much I can do this time. I try to breath more slowly, pay attention on shift of emotions through body reaction (my body will never betray me) then acknowledge the emotion whatever it is. Time flies like a wind sometimes like a storm, I choose to ride it, not to get dragged by it. Not easy but doable.

How light this head is after ranting! 

batik kawung beton crafted by Mbak Arifah (25 yo), a mute-deaf female who never goes to school but is able to write and read – thank you, Mbak Arifah
primissima cotton, 250*106cm, two sided
Fun fact about the honourable batik makers:
- Once a batik maker pulls the “canting” filled with hot wax on a sheet of fabric, it will start developing lines or dots as the hot wax gets dry fast and block the fabric. That is why they work very carefully to avoid unplanned error. Correcting unplanned error is more tedious in batik making process compared to drawing the patterns with canting. Zero accident policy applies.
- Batik making is a highly contemplative activity (almost) like meditation. That is what makes many of batik makers especially those senior and/or with high quality artisanal works have good self alignment.
- Some batik makers don’t need to draw the planned pattern with pencil on the fabric. They are the highly skilled, the artist, the master of what they are doing.
- It takes approximately 5 months to complete a piece of two sided hand-made batik of 210-250cm long. Those batik makers also do household chores in between their batik making activities as they mostly don’t earn good money. If you buy hand made batik, please give extra dollars to share some comfort.
- Majority of batik makers are female. Very few of them are young.
at workshop (from Pinterest)
at home (from Pinterest)

Finding the Coherence

There is no natural conflict on earth.
When there is conflict, it must have been because of wrong thinking model installed in the nerve system.

Why?

Because everything is coherent in the universe.

How scientific but disappointing!
Her life craves for drama
Like her brain craving for sugar.

Fix the point of view
Or the distance of view
Or the angle of view
Or whatever to see things clearly
To save my own life
For comfort?
For sanity?
For (false) equilibrium?
For clarity!

The journey restarts.
No regret.

—-

Harmonize!

find it to fix the big picture!

Jun. 7, 2022 / 5:20am

The Hair That’s Breathing – haiku

The hair that’s breathing
Is given a farewell cut
By a nice lady.

Temasek – October 5, 2019 / 23:00


I decided to have my hair cut short for the second time, but this time is brutally short.

I used to have very long pitch black hair (with some grey since high school). As having shorter and shorter time in the morning to wash and dry my hair before going to work, I decided to have farewell party to my beloved hair – not really, I put the cut hair in a big envelop and keep it in the cupboard until now.

The nice lady in the beauty parlor asked me why hair cut, I said “so that I can think clearly”. She giggled and did her job dutifully. This time the cut hair wasn’t treasured; it was swept and dumped to the bin by another nice lady.

Goodbye, my dear hair. No worry, your root is still here and will grow even better. Thank you for being my crown. I love you much.

IMG_5315

Angle of Angels – tanka

Looking through clear glass,
Sweeping fog away of eyes —
Angle of Angels.
Whether or not she’s sleeping
Or awake is Angels’ click.

Baloi – August 6, 2019 / 06:36 (Western Indonesia Time)

Below is a painting by Wilhem von Kaulbach, “The Guardian Angel”.