graphs of my Universe
At times it's hard to deal with what's factual
Yet I talk to the face in the mirror:
Aren't all these present by your previous decisions?
Or do you regret of taking what considered best by then?
Nothing is in vain.
There's always a trail I can trace back: choices and decisions I made.
What lesson?
Now don't regret. Tomorrow don't repeat the same mistakes. Yesterday is always valuable lesson. Never (again) blame others.
Is that what's truly it? Maybe just for me, not for everyone.
I admire
You
Beyond words.
When you demand more,
I use thick dictionaries and thesaurus across the universe to praise
You.
The silence is more eloquently accurate than any word can say.
Dear Home,
Welcome me
With your warm heart
That beats with love,
And trust.
Do you know how I miss
You?
Your walls with my paintings,
Your ceiling with the down light,
Your floor with shine after vacuum,
Your roof after washed by rain,
Your fragrance that is me.
How are you?
Are you as spacious as before installed with furniture?
I won't add more.
Are you serene after some music played?
I won't play more.
Are you bright after curtain hung?
I won't put those too thick.
I hope you're still a home
Even after I come.
Even I hope you become more homey
After that.
Please know
I only wanted those loving to be here
But then that's not fair.
So you'll see bad people around,
I promise that won't be long and make sure one will only visit once,
And only very few.
Vibe clear!
So only those with clarity want to stay long.
Please know
I want fireflies to be around at night
So you'll be pretty with the tiny bright dots blinking cheerfully.
Please know, dear
Home
That you are built now
By this wandering self
With a loving hope
To meet
You
Very soon.
Dear,
Home.
listening to this song this whole day; yes I can do it to any song that builds a good mood
Sal Priadi’s songs sound like romantic mantra to me especially this one
The strength is his lyrics: simple yet poetic
Lyrics
Kita usahakan rumah itu
Dari depan akan tampak sederhana
Tapi kebunnya luas
Tanamannya mewah, megah
Kita usahakan rumah itu
Dari depan akan tampak sederhana
Tapi dibuat kuat
Dirancang muat, lega
Urusan perabotan dan wangi-wangian
Kuserahkan pada s’leramu yang lebih maju
Tapi tata ruang, aku ikut pertimbangkan
Kar’na kalau nanti kita punya kesibukan
Malam tetap kumpul di meja panjang
Ruang makan kita
Berbincang tentang hari yang panjang
Kita usahakan rumah itu
Dari depan akan tampak sederhana
Tapi penerangannya
Diracik begitu romantis
Urusan perabotan dan wangi-wangian
Kuserahkan pada s’leramu yang lebih maju
Tapi tata ruang, aku ikut pertimbangkan
Kar’na kalau nanti kita punya kesibukan
Malam tetap kumpul di meja panjang
Ruang makan kita
Berbincang tentang hari yang panjang
Boleh kamu keliling dunia
Dan temukan banyak tempat-tempat ‘tuk singgah
Sementara
Kamu boleh namai itu rumah
Selama ada m’reka yang kamu cinta
Di dalamnya
Kita usahakan rumah itu
Dear, Child.
Look at the stars
Blinking their signs;
The shooting star
Burning their directions;
The glowing sky
Telling their histories.
Dear, Child.
Listen to the old songs.
See the old galaxies.
Touch the swirling dusts.
Taste the sweetness of comets.
Smell the expanding universe.
All no limit
But your definition.
Hug me
As we travel.
Trust me
As we wander.
Like I hug
You,
Like I trust
You.
Dear Child.
body and soul is like a female and a male in a marriage as discussed in classes of spirituality
in Javanese tradition body is symbolizing the female that is also the earth — accepting, submissive and intuitive; while soul is symbolizing the male that is also the heaven — giving, powerful and guiding
yet to me it’s not always that way; to me yes body and soul is like a mother and a child — the mother holding an infant (can be a girl or a boy) in a state that the mother is making sure the child is purely happy
I personally believe as long as the soul remains childlike, the body is not suffering — accepting what is is the key
about this life I sometimes don’t want to define as definition is a limit
and so I don’t force my understanding to anyone even to those I love the most because spiritual experience is very personal, cannot be forced, can only be synchronised through mutual journey
that’s why spiritual journey is called silent path; even when we’re in the same discussion room, the expansion of understanding might be different from one another
let’s accept our own silent path with no judgment
❣️
Notes: it’s my personal thought, doesn’t mean to influence anyone, a ranting of a life traveler
When many think you're more,
You shine too bright,
Exceeding a real star,
That I've admired,
Your true colors.
This heart can only bear
Natural brightness,
That will shine no matter how dark the life is,
Not the artificial brightness that will collapse when the dark goes dark.
So let you stay
Where admiration is loud.
Let this heart stay
Where love truly vibes.
love is never wrong, only the object is sometimes not rightly chosen
some love feels demanding even when it only requires simplicity and peace
it’s good to learn to love unconditionally including accepting the excessiveness of how human being perceives love itself
it’s ok to fail to love unconditionally this time — sometimes the best love is stopping admiration where admiring is making things less genuine and more misleading
💙
❣️
Dear
Heart
That
Softens,
Love me
Also
Let me go.
loving others is easier than loving one’s self; after that letting go others is easier than letting go one’s self
I’m letting go all.
💗
My perspective about you might change all the time.
It might be about in which angle I stand when looking at you, or
How far I distance my sight when observing you, or
How full circle I go around you to see all sides, or
How long I stay in one corner speechless enjoying the daisy, or
How critical I pull all the dots of you looking imperfect in these eyes until I find it's the lenses impaired that I can't see your beaut so see-through, or
Simply how I accept how you describe you....
I always want the last as I want you to tell me about you.
But you know, sometimes I don't trust you....
Let me trust you.
all is true in its own position – layers of truth apply to human beings’ journey; clarity is truly important to make the right decision, belief is important to stay in the chosen lane
They listen to the same songs,
They wear the same clothing,
They talk on the phone hours and hours,
They enjoy morning coffee together,
They sync-up....
They....
They....
Coincidently?
When two people fall in love.
Ahhh! This world belongs to them,
Others are just tenants.
I smile.
Valentine in Hanoi with the chocolate and cats
one of my nephews told me that it’s easy to spot someone falling in love from one’s social media postings; he said the two people will upload the same or almost the same composition of photo or topic; maybe not exactly the same time, there will be patterns emerging
it’s fun to talk to young people; they refresh my bad sights
and make me experiment whether it’s right — I don’t know but yes the patterns are gradually looking clearer
my nephew said “I can help you if you need to do things.”
“you just taught me; it was a great help, dear boy”
☺️
There is a dot
Where a circle is closed.
That is, Beloved
Where I accept
That
However I look won't be good,
Whatever I say won't be right,
To
You.
This heart is a collection of
Tiny circles closing every time
Lesson is learnt.
And so,
Let me close one
For a while
To fully accept
Its breakage.
Let me celebrate this tiny hope
At the edge of this grandiose world
Where only power seems matter.
no, I don’t want to lose hope to have a better world even if that whom I love the most thinks this idea is a nonsense
keep loving, dear heart, even if the sun is an inch over this head
💙
I love you, Beloved.
And, you don't have to love me.
It's never a transaction
That's tangible.
Loves, even not repaid,
Is energy
That nurtures life growth
Through silent rejection or
Respectful reciprocity.
How beautiful love is,
Never lost
Only found.
love is (always) in the air
Have
You
Ever
Loved someone
That
You
Dare not
See the photo?
I'm afraid of brokenheart
Again and again
Seeing you
Posing with her
And not with me.
Pernahkah kau diam
Dari hari-harimu yang bising,
Yang terus ambil kendali,
Yang terus mau terdahulu,
Yang melucuti pejalan sunyi,
Yang membuat hati lain tenggelam,
Yang mencabuti akar harapan,
Yang mengeringkan daun semi,
Yang perlahan dijauhi kelembutan diri?
Diamlah
Sampai hening.
Diamlah
Sampai ramai pun jadi hening.
Sehari tiada cukup.
Seminggu terlalu pendek.
Sebulan belum berarti.
Setahun baru kau buka pintu terluar.
Semuda usiamu,
Setua leluhur terdahulumu.
Diam
Hening
apa artinya waktumu tanpa hening? hanya bunyi tik-tik atau tik-tok — hanya suara dalam konteks tanpa makna yang benar-benar membangunkan dirimu sendiri
❣️
In between if there is a gap,
It's to bridge,
Not to separate.
if you are between two, quit; said I to myself always 😊
Dream asked me
"Do you trust me?"
Why, said I.
"Please do, I need wings to fly."
I stared at her,
Wondering who her wings were.
She didn't say a word. She moved her chin
Toward me.
I am? Asked I, surprised and delighted.
It started drizzling,
Breeze caressed my face.
I soared.
I heard soft voice swirling up
To the sky,
Flying with her smile.
How painful it was for both of us!
One was waiting, the other was not realizing.
How lucky we were to wake up in one morning together.
And we are still having fun,
Sitting in a swing hanging on a giant tree,
Thanking to each other.
dreams are those balancing her constant walks
Walking in the forest deep, she was stopped by questions in her dancing mind.
Who am I?
I'm a living being
Walking her path.
What is the path? There seems none.
The path is becoming with her steps taken. An imaginary line drawn by hopes and fear, faith and science, clarity and mystery; two poles balancing distance and time--
Where is the path heading to?
The path is heading to where the North Star is.
Where is the North Star?
The North Star is a constant bright: that sits still to help find direction, that can be found in a clear unlit night above Mother Earth's magical belt, that loves wordless hymns.
It is lurking dark, but
You are bright
Showering my night.
Don't set.
Don't rise.
Be there
In the north
So I can always call
You
My North Star.
Polaris,
Wrap me with luck.
Amen.
Many days emit many emotions.
They show off how well
Life is capable of
Playing human beings with different stories.
She laughs.
She cries.
She reads.
She writes.
She sings.
She hums.
She does, even when she doesn't.
All with all her loving heart; or when doing things, she fills her heart with love.
sometimes I cry, not always because of sadness, sometimes I do because I feel so much loved….
a small gift of i love you
my love to you is as much as the space among drizzles washing off my sadness
my love to you is as much as the pouring rain among the space giving me pure breeze
this weekend has welcomed me with sprinkling blessings like the rain in a desert
each day is a new day when sky opens wider horizon and shows me what i didn't see
do you feel the same?
the space among the rain
the pouring rain
the desert that celebrates
a horizon that keeps widening--
i love you.
thank you for making me smile a lot
💙
in life i learn to accept that love is sometimes not enough; it takes strategy to make things happen and i don’t want to strategize in love
i don’t want to force because i believe life has given me so much so if i don’t get what i want, it doesn’t mean a loss
that i have the ability to love as sincerely as possible is a huge blessing; that i don’t show it openly, it is to ensure everyone’s safety, dignity and comfort
flow, flow, flow
i love you, i love you, i love you
You are butterflies
Flying around my heart
Tickling me to whisper
I love you.
But where are
You?
Hiding behind signs
That I've misunderstood,
Disguised between symbols
That I've wrongly guessed,
None is solely for me.
My heart jumped
Still jumps
But will she jump after
A gesture that was told
Hopefully not right
About a love that is discriminated?
Is my love still true?
Or will there be a light
Telling me otherwise?
is it as gossipped and gestured? or not? – i never know as i don’t see consistency and directness in the messages sent
I have teachers in life.
Some make me cry.
Some make me speak.
Some make me walk.
Some make me hold.
Some make me laugh.
Some make me smile.
All make me sense.
All make me think.
One makes me love.
only you, love
making me a human being, not a plant, not an animal, not a geenie, not an angel
How I love you?
Much
How much?
I can't tell you how much but I can tell you how.
My love is not commodity
That you transact about.
My love is not a content
That you measure up.
My love is a river
Flowing as long as you be the channel.
My love is a breeze
Blowing as long as you be the air.
My love is colours
Showing as long as you be the light.
Yet I know the love you wish
Is different.
You want me to be wood to burn,
Water to drink,
Bread to eat,
Game to play.
I feel delighted that you have such fun.
I am waiting for the wisdom to grow.
If the fun outgrows wisdom by the time we travel together, this love will wither before it blooms.
So that's how I love you and how much you need.
RC Gorman’s work of art
Their yellow petals
Look out to a Sunday rain
And whisper
"Dear, Sun. Our beauty decorates a home showered by rain, waiting for your ray. Don't hide too long."
sunflowers looking out to a rainy Sunday whispering to the hiding Sun
I will love you
As an empty jar
Waiting for streams of words
Telling me stories,
Containing drops of secrets
Petrifying in our soul,
Concocting ingredients of ideas
Writing beautiful love stories,
Catching breeze of affection
Weaving sheet of loyalty.
loving you like i am an empty jar
My day smells like spring
Not because others give me hope
Not because others praise me high
Not because others lay red carpet for me--
No.
My day smells like spring
Because my senses work through
Your grace
Because my steps walk through
Your bliss
Because my breaths respire through
Your joy--
Yes.
this is not a popular composition but it sounds heaven to my hearing
life is light and smooth when we love wholeheartedly and playfully
i love you…. 💕
I am flowing
I flow
I will flow
And won't stop flowing
until I'm united with
You, the sea.
I'm not afraid.
I'm not too brave, either.
I am just a flow flowing.
as long as i flow, i won’t worry; even if i’m alone as long as i keep flowing to
You
When I feel helpless,
I will recite
Your loveliest verses
And send them as gifts
To those closest to my heart, whose life
Is a dedication to parents with
Love equivalent as what they received at childhood.
I am here, now
And lucky
So I shall share love
How subtle it has been.
Dear, Beloved.
Please accept my hollow heart for
You to fill with love,
And love only
How hard it has been.
i wish my ripples are of love and love only
What will the sun do?
Bring fresh life
Then maybe
Erase the life dry.
Is it nature of a destroyer?
No, Beloved.
It is a nature of paradox:
Sun refreshes, sun dulls.
Love rekindles, love terminates.
i saw this water lily blooming happily under the sun then the following week was swept by the scorching sun that gulped all water in its environment; i thought the sun destroyed the flower but actually pushing the cycle to proceed — paradoxical life
what a relief
💕
My love is ripples,
Humble and calm.
Maybe you want waves,
Pushing and high.
Should I turn these ripples
To waves?
Give me an ocean, not a lake.
ripples on a standing water as waves on the ocean; i might be in a wrong realm
💗
What size of life do I want?
Any size as long as
It is ordinary:
Where big is not too big,
Small is not too small,
It is just right.
I want an ordinary life
Where my closest know well enough
My love and kindness guards
Me against betrayal.
I want an ordinary life
Where the farthest know well enough
Their hatred and ignorance keeps
Them away from me.
I thank you, my ordinary life
You make blessings extraordinary.
today’s breakfast: a big bowl of konjac noodle soup with chicken breast + carrot + bonito flake, a medium bowl of fruit and a small bowl of rendang — all in the right size….
…. and chocolate, the ordinary that turns my life extraordinary
Are you the star I point with my finger?
Or are you the one that disappears in a blink of my eye?
Are you the star that will reappear tomorrow night?
Or are you the one that smiles at me then ghosts away?
You are still a star.
which one are you?
rike jokanan 
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