graphs of my Universe
Lucky, Beloved-
A path cleared to be walked on
With warm heart and smile.
i received a bunch of luck today: in the same flight with a colleague (sorry, i didn’t check iCal, buddy), given a room whose number is ended with 88 which is lucky number in Vietnamese culture, finding this song again after some time
hopefully i am lucky enough with all my preps to complete the work well
luck is simply small things to be humbly acknowledged
hello, Hanoi; you’ve been kind to me, i’ll be kinder to you
Everything, dear self
Has its own time, no delay.
There is never doubt.
when my doubt is unbearable, i will open the Quran and ask to be given one answer to my doubt — after some short meditative moment; i will randomly open a page and the first part that i see or point with my forefinger, i will simply take it as the answer
and this is the most recent one when i asked about doubt “…. and He has appointed a term in which there is no doubt.”
it might be a coincidence that the “no doubt” appeared to me when i asked about doubt
it is not a scientific process to make a decision, but i choose to believe it because i don’t want to lose the ability to rely on intuition in time when logic cannot help
it takes practices and acceptance to embrace this simple (speculative) way of making decision, and it takes humility (for a logical person like me) to humbly believe
thank you, Gusti 💕
Ripples call you, Love
To go back home and sit still
Through questions and doubts.
ripples
i started learning spirituality from my father
that he made mistakes, yes but i still respect him as a human being who regretted his wrong doings then taught us how to dive in to the depth of our own selves
he was one of those teaching me that what we do is like an object falling on to surface of water; the heavier the gravity, the bigger and farther the ripples will occur
the volume and distance of the ripples will be affected by the weight of the falling object and also the stillness of the water….
…. analogically a still heart will be able to better catch subtle ripples than a moving heart can do
i hope i am gifted with good senses in a still heart so i don’t have to wait until something “bad” happens to stop my wrong/inappropriate actions/doings — in Javanese we can call it “janma limpad seprapat tamat”
Trace of a sweet heart
Resonates across the earth
With its clear fragrance.
ripples will not stop until edge of the lake and will reflect back to the source
Ripples of her love
Widely travel to the edge
Of the universe.
ripples
Zero's, Beloved
Count erased, leaving nothing.
Peaceful in motion--
shunya: zero, nothingness, void, emptiness, a state of awareness in which the mind is brought to complete stillness, perfect harmony, neutrality, peaceful calm
enso = shunya
many think zero is meaningless, which is wrong
it is a number that brings a lot of meanings
zero is an important number that enable mathematic to progress exponentially, it is a number between negative and positive, it enables formation of whole numbers and decimal numbers, it represents a place with no amount or value
good discussion today at lunch break with some jokes and wittiness
Living light, dear love
Gives her a flowing river
And peaceful meadow.
live a true life responsibly and lightly day by day is a great wisdom i found in this late 40’s — damn, i’ll be 50 by end of next year, yeah yeah! 💕
Three that cheer, dear self
Gather in a space to laugh
And plan other dates.
you can share our pic, just blur it, ok? 😎
done, ladies
gathering in SW’s apartment
my favourite ladies: they drink without getting drunk, i get drunk without drinking
all ranting and nagging about our getting older together; i love you, ladies❣️
past midnight (2am) kept us more awake
thank you, ladies; i need to catch the ferry this morning at 7:40 to be back to my work in Batam so i need to sleep soon — gather again next year either in Jogja or Taipei
one slice for three
sourdough from JC’s new bakery in Taipei 💕
No doubt is playing.
She finds this journey blessing.
No more pretending--
‘ve never stayed in this hotel before, rather unusual but there is a blessing in disguise; the hotel room i’m staying has dandelions at one of its corner — i take it as a confirmation to all my prayer, i’ve got no doubt anymore about this journey 💕 the outcome though is not in my control
Look at nature's work.
Coloured, shaped, structured and timed.
I shout the delight.
walking through a site is fulfilling, i not only see how the environment is maintained but also capture how nature expresses her beauty freely and beautifully —
this mimosa is beautiful, said i
when i said beautiful, it is not precisely about the subject of discussion (mimosa), it is about how my mind labels the state of emotional response (to the mimosa) happening within me — the same emotion can be interpreted differently by other people based on their schemata, belief system, cultural and physical environment and other possible factors; when i am in bad mood, i might think that same mimosa as just weeds; when i don’t assign emotion to see my surrounding, i might not even regard the same mimosa
so i might never be as objective as expected by many, but definition of emotional labels is discussable and/or debatable and that is where communication will be lively if done with smiles (or laughter)
you’re beautiful 😘
These dreams are brewing,
Longing to see a meadow
Where flowers blossom.
heart is where the dreams brew before traveling to another heart that accepts them fully
only Wind can make it happen
thank you for giving me a lot of sleep recently so i can claim back my battery 💕
Just across the strait
Lies a land bringing old hopes
Swarmed by new dreamers.
this is my 1st Batam trip since 2020, i used to travel there every quarter for biz; when biz is off, ….. — Batam, be nice to me these next 3 days
Comfort zone's, dear self
A clear bubble waits to burst.
Life is just like that.
need warm soup for weekend comfort: veggies n sukiyaki beef in dashi stock, tempe + torch ginger — imperfect combination but i love both 😍
need a second helping of soup and fruit before back curling up in bed reading then hopefully falling to sleep
Wrap me, Beloved
With a blanket that calms down
And colours my heart.
today was a painful day, my emotion was so drained and i need a long battery charge before starting a new week — a thick blanket would be good
some days pull me too deep then suddenly kick me high abruptly or the other way round; i am now back to my grip ‘coz life is just like that
alhamdulillah
💕
Relax, Beloved,
There's a place for victory
Other than fighting.
finding that Sunday evening i will be away, i changed my Japanese food craving to today, tomorrow will be my packing day for next two trips, reading and chasing wind
Friday’s message: just relaxxx and eat crabbb!
She won't let go, Love
The softness and clarity
She's gained through tough years.
found it this morning and sent it to Ina and Novi, my bestfriends — humble human beings whose heart talks to me with blissful joy, i to them and would be on and on
thank you❣️
Facing my face, Love
Is facing hell in heaven
Or heaven in hell.
All human beings must face “when things don’t go your way”. Everyone of us! And I believe sooner or later each of us will get enlightened to realise that all of us are monks in the making. Indeed❣️
Here is one of many of mine.
How I deal with my health….
My 1-week retreat (Tapa Brata) experience in Bali Usada has given me a key to facing my own face within. My first Tapa Brata was in 2018 then two more after that.
This retreat really dismantles participants’ reading/writing/listening tools and speaking activity and all electronic gadgets (all are safe kept by Bali Usada during retreat) which will need professional deal for professional participants to be totally off– no one outside the retreat center can contact you directly, your killer boss will probably scold at you if you don’t take the call.
We meditate 9 hours per day, listening to 3-4 hours of lectures, physical workout and personal daily activities (cleaning, eating, sleeping, etc). No others–
We don’t speak with others except facilitators and only whispering when truly needed. We don’t listen except to instructions from facilitors, lectures from Bapak Merta Ada, natural sounds (silence of quiet night, falling rain, rustling wind, cracking woods, splashing water, chirping insects, crying night birds, whispering ghosts maybe….). We don’t read anything except the announcement and material posted on the wall bulletin. We don’t write except when allowed and on the paper and pencil given by facilitator.
Imagine one week only interacting with your own self. Before joining in 2018 I thought it would be relatively easy because I’ve learnt meditation since 2010. But in reality I vomitted several days after meditation finding how hard and disgusting seeing my own shadows within without distraction and no sharing plus with hidden health issues.
My 2nd and 3rd were with different challenges but I will not share it here.
It was not easy to face guilt, abandonment, feeling of unwanted, shame, anger, ignorance, arrogance, stupidity, etc within myself plus physical heaviness. I cried almost everyday, I could not sleep, I felt desperate being me, I regretted joining the retreat, I screamed in my silent meditation begging Pak Merta Ada or the facilitators to just pause the meditation– those all happened until day 4. It went smoothly from day 5 to the last. I so much loved my own self; felt so liberated, forgave myself more, committed to love my own self more responsibly.
Vomitting and headache in my 1st retreat was my biggest physical challenge as I stopped taking my daily pain killer which was not doctor’s prescription. Pain killer except the one prescribed by doctor is not allowed during retreat as it will reduce the sensitivity to body and senses during meditations.
In the final session with Bapak Merta Ada he advised me to thoroughly have my health condition checked as he observed something serious (I won’t say it here). Terima kasih, Bapak❣️
Going back to Singapore I did my yearly medical check and was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor and no surgery was mandatory– thanks to the retreat that intensified my headache and vomitting. Anyway I finally found of being wrongly diagnosed by 2 doctors in my own country earlier. I was shocked by the new diagnose (which was the right one) but at the same time so relieved that the diagnose from 2 early doctors was totally drunk! I was so happy that I would not die restless like I thought before.
I joined Tapa Brata again after pandemic when my brain tumor shrank to 40%. Easier physically! So content and humbled by many things! Now I’m waiting for the next MRI to see how much the growth shrinks further and taking an annual leave to do the next Tapa Brata in 2025.
Don’t ask me how perfect I am. I will tell you how imperfect I’ve been.
😊
….continuing reading Haemin Sunim
now what do you think about me?
Life's, Beloved
Adorned with perfect senses
To find your beauty.
She's simply composed,
Not even shaken by storm.
Rooted to the earth--
My intuition works wonder when it comes to family esp mother, as if knowing when something wrong happens even no one informs me.
Yesterday I contacted my sister saying that mother might not be good. She said mother was ok and sleeping.
My gut said different. I contacted my cousin saying the same thing and she said “Yes, she fell and injured a bit on her chin and left hands.”
I happened to know later that my mother didn’t allow my sister to tell me about the incident.
I tried to digest the “lie” although the feeling inside was a mix of anger, disappointment, sadness, left behind at the same time relief that she was now ok.
This morning after a long meeting I called my mother. I really wanted to give her some “lecture” that she should be careful, should not do this or that and should let me know whatsoever happens to her. But I detered myself from doing so.
I know what I would say is something true but don’t want to hurt her motherly affectionate decision. I chose to accept her reason of not informing me: so my child can work with light heart.
My mother is one of the mentally strongest women I’ve known in life. None of people knowing her will say otherwise.
Once I joked around with her “Ibu, please pray that I don’t have to be as strong as you in life as when I’m as strong as you, it means I will have one most challenging of human life.”
She said “You can be stronger than me but don’t need to experience what I have in life. Trust your life.”
Yes, I do trust life will protect me from the harms.
I love you, Ibu. Thank you.
💕
Eden, Beloved
Exists next to the kitchen
Where she has some fun.
A tropical garden is a kind of lush garden I want to see when washing the dishes. I am looking forward to it with the help from our tropical gardener– we can find them easily in Indonesia.
But it will be done after the Japanese garden. Right now the spot is still packed with construction material and debris. There shall be deep cleaning to ensure no left over of material in the soil and fertile soil to be added.
While the Japanese garden is restricted to inner circle, this tropical garden is where all guests can take some fresh air as long as they don’t make any harm to anyone around.
Please be patient, dear self. One at a time–
💕
had to cut out the coloured part as there is some spoiled part around it
yosh! now time to complete my laundry 😍
the sketch that kept delayed
Private's, Beloved
This ordinary one's life.
Not much to expose--
I lock my Instagram account always and it forever will be locked, only those having directly met with me can become my contacts. Does it sound arrogant? No, it is a protection — to protect myself from unfair judgement from those contacts knowing me from my words or my pictures in my curated frames; and to protect my contacts from misjudging me simply based on my curated frames– they will be able to judge me more fairly by talking to me or meeting with me first before becoming my contacts in Instagram.
My contacts are those family members and friends; not even colleagues as we believe our professional judgement might be clouded with some personal bias that is not even related to work.
I am so so sorry for being so picky (a bit irritating I know I am) but I am still willing to reply anyone’s messages.
💕
What about WordPress?
It is where I am ranting and there are only 20-40 people visiting me daily and my postings are all extracted ideas in poetry that by nature can be interpreted by anyone. So anyone is welcome to visit my WordPress even without leaving a trace.
💕
Release, Beloved
What's wished. Let it fly to find
Its way to go home.
this fragile dandelion is my favourite plant, it reminds me to release wishes to their way home, where they materialise their best potentials
💕
(picture from Pinterest)
Laughter's, Beloved
You radiate cheerfulness,
We all count blessings.
when you laugh, the dried grass comes alive
Long life's, Beloved
Feel the breathing one by one,
No matter how long.
eat noodle to live long? today’s dinner is shirataki noodle soup with shredded chicken breast and carrot
Clarity's in you,
In the mirror in your hand.
Clean it everyday.
how can i deny how ugly i am with the mirror patched with oil and dust?
morning message from my mirror
thank you
What she's pondering's
A jar of water, sugar
And how lemonade's made.
life’s good as lemon for health and lemonade for drink
A home's, Beloved
Where door's silently guarding,
Hot tea's comforting.
it is very easy for me to feel home anywhere i am as long as i see an immediate chance to be calm — i can stay in different hotels in different cities/countries with no effort as long as they are safe and clean
it answers why i don’t enjoy wandering around too long in a market place like shopping mall; i feel like the market place is moving in to me
it also answers why i feel so home in WordPress rather than in other platforms
home is where my heart can tolerate excitement
This battle's, dear heart
Will win you with condition:
You have the courage.
Whatsapp gave me a surprise that my batik Gringsing Bharatayudha is ready to ship; by plan it should be by November this year.
This time I don’t want it to be shipped, I’d like to collect it by myself so I can say thank you directly to the makers.
Gringsing is my favourite aside from batik nitik, kawung and parang. Gringsing reminds me how I was taken care of when I was a girl and sick — my mother would wrap me in a sheet of batik gringsing, my father would chant his mantra (I can remember what it was and will disclose it at the right time some day.) and my siblings would sleep with me in my bedroom until I was recuperated. Gringsing bears a sweet memory about my family in early period.
Bharatayudha is something familiar in our family. Our parents wanted us to be “true Javanese” who knew “the root” as a middle way because our parents held different religions; so Javanese tradition would not make them play tug of war of who would follow whom and it would not harm any of us to learn local wisdom. They bought R. A. Kosasih’s wayang comic books and other funny wayang stories of Punakawan (please allow me talk about it later). Another series that also built some of us was series of S. H. Mintarja’s “Api Di Bukit Menoreh”. We enjoyed it and shared it to other friends — we lost some books as some friends did not responsibly return the books after reading.
Long story short I grew up with Javanese and wayang wisdom before finally I decided to hold one religion as a legal requirement in our country — Indonesian must display their religion in the ID card. 🙃 I am thankful to be raised by parents of different faiths — they have taught us to respect others regardless….
Last year Ibu Tien showed me a white sheet with Gringsing Bharatayudha pattern then several months later the half done. I could not resist its charm.
There are two scenes in the batik Gringsing Bharatayudha:
1. Bhatara Kresna the King of Dwaraka on the chariot: He is the coachman of Arjuna who is fighting against Adhipati Karna whose coachman is Prabu Salya the King of Madra. Arjuna and Karna are actually brothers from one mother (Dewi Kunthi) of different fathers whose each upbringing has brought them to different partiality. Arjuna for sure is in the side of Pandhawa, Karna decides to side with Kurawa who has provided life care and social status.
Bhatara Kresna, the King of Dwaraka (the most intelligent character in wayang, the master mind of all wars in his time) used to be my idol when I was a kid before I changed my mind to idolize Semar Badranaya (one humble deity who is assigned to accompany and guide Pandhawa)
2. Bima and Dursasana: Bima is the 2nd of 5 knights of Pandhawa the antagonist of wayang world; Dursasana is the 2nd of 100 Kurawa children the protagonist. In this scene Bima is executing Dursasana to death. This symbolises ending a preserved anger through revenge. Years back Bima swears to kill Dursasana and lets his sister in law Drupadi wash her hair using Dursasana blood — by then Dursasana sexually harasses Drupadi in public when Drupadi’s husband (Yudhistira) loses on a gamble table.
Not a few consider that the Bharatayudha (the civil war between Pandhawa and Kurawa) is not really a politically-triggered war; it is allegedly the result of the wounded pride of Pandhawa and the allies after Kurawa (Dursasana as the main perpetrator under the instruction of Duryudana the King and other Kurawa brothers’ cheering support) harasses Drupadi in the gamble court.
See. Woman can be the cause of war if not treated well— treated well can mean educated well, respected, nurtured, protected, etc. Drupadi is so broken hearted due to the fact that the Pandhawa knights donot do anything to stop the shameful act of harassment and she shouts pledging to wash her hair with Dursasana’s blood — that is when Pandhawa knights get so embarassed and promises to make Kurawa pays some day.
How could a group of knights be so retardedly ignorant? From one side it is integrity, following what’s agreed (the agreement is if Yudhistira loses in the last round of gamble, he has to give up Drupadi), in the other it is cowardice.
Sometimes being good is not an option when there is underpriviledge being abused or harassed. But it is predestined: there shall be evil to bring out good and good to bring out evil — cycle of life.
Fun fact about Bharatayudha: many don’t know that after death Pandhawa representing good side are still sent to hell for punishment, Kurawa considered representing evil are given chance to stay in heaven for some time. Indeed it is not our chosen side that brings us to heaven; it is our good deed does.
What a wisdom on one sheet of batik!
looks like a violence yet it is simply a depiction of a scene in Bharatayudha so please excuse the “looking like” violence
By the way honestly I prefer circle gringsing than square ones. Yet I know Ibu Tien’s team consists of those simbah-simbah and budhe-budhe (senior citizens) whose physical strength is not anymore at prime time so making square gringsing is easier than circle one. I will usually lend them my generous excuse: some of my batik sheets are not evenly dipped and even some are not fully drawn yet I still paid them full price. However, on some batik patterns like kawung and parang I will not let Mbak Izzah miss her grip in managing the work.
Weekend cannot be sweeter with this surprise.
I miss Jogja…. 💕
Fruit of heaven, love
No effort to pick-- It hangs
To reach you so low.
Another batik waiting in the pipeline to be disclosed is Batik Delima or Batik Delimo. I chose it because of the colour– white is always giving soothing effect to my ageing eyes.
Delima aka delimo means pomegranate in Bahasa Indonesia, Bahasa Melayu and Javanese.
When Ibu Tien and Mbak Izzah mentioned its name (Batik Delimo), my curiosity rose as Batik Delima that I knew didn’t look like that. The delimo I knew was a “sido” cluster (ceplok) batik with delima in the center of the cluster. But they insisted that this was known as Batik Delima in Jogja.
No argument with the batik makers please, Rike.
The next was a clarification of meaning which is always the interesting part. Mbak Izzah said “I give you what I know, you improve what I know based on your repertoire of meaning. As you wish.”
To me although that statement was uttered in a very soft speech, it was a blow on my face. Jogjakartan speak their truth through subtly cynical style. They will not tell you are wrong but they will tell that “you have your way which is not mine”. Almost like Japanese– Bloody hell! I’d better prepare as my retirement plan belongs to that city. ☺️
Mbak Izzah said Batik Delimo aka Delimo is about fertility.
I read some articles about pomegranate in different places and culture but I won’t include it here to avoid complication.
Pomegranate is used in one of Javanese traditional function named “tingkeban” which is a ceremony held on the 7th month of pregnancy when the fetus is considered mature enough to be called a human being. Pomegranate is one of the ingredients needed to make “rujak tingkeban” which consist of 7 kinds of fruit. Yes, Javanese is obsessed with number 7 (seven, pitu in Javanese, the short version of pitulungan that means help).
Pomegranate is added as a message that the fetus will grow strong until it is ready to be a newly born.
Those 7 kinds of fruit shall represent all taste of food: salty, sweet, sour, hot. These are to symbolise that the baby has started learning about the taste of life before her/his delivery to the world.
It is said that if the rujak tastes good, the baby will be a girl; if it tastes “not that good”, the baby will be a boy. Interesting fun (not verifiable) fact. Do I believe it? No, I believe in ultrasonography from the obgyn. 😁 I love though believing that this tradition is loaded with conprehensive stories of what happen around human being’s life. Fabulous!
it is very refreshing, i make this rujak every now and then — one big bowl for one week
Back to Batik Delimo….
There are three elements in this batik that deserve attention: the pomegranate, the pomegranate flowers and the birds (pigeons).
The pomegranate is about fertility itself.
The pomegranate flower is about potential of fertilify that are surrounding the fruit as if waiting to continue the cycle.
Birds (pigeons) is those dwellers of pomegranate tree. They are the ones guarding the fertility.
Does it make sense? I will ask Mbak Izzah when I meet her in Jogja. I know she will just smile sweetly, saying nothing. 😂
This time I don’t include number in my intrepretating the batik as I am afraid Mbak Izzah will condemn me too creative. 😁
I know though someone intreprets delima from its linguistic aspect. Delima is transcribed as DALIMA. Dal is the 8th Arabic script (د). Lima is 5 in Javanese and Bahasa Indonesia. 5 “د” (five dals) is connected to a suurah in the Quran that has 5 “د” in its composition which is Al-Ikhlash.
Suurah Al-Ikhlash is about singularity in which human being is surenderring to the single authority in life.
So if people are interested to connect this batik to suurah Al-Ikhlash, it is possible. Yet, the story will not be about the 7th month celebration of a fetus. It might be about a fetus that is ready to worship the One.
😁
I prefer Batik Delima is about fertility. More simple, more straightforward–
Thank you, Mbak Izzah! 💕
Batik Delimo aka Delima
pomegranate fruit, symbol of fertility
flowers of pomegranate, symbol of potential of fertility
pigeons of love, symbol of protectors of fertility
a pair of batik delima from Ibu Tien and her group – matur sembah nuwun, Ibu Tien, Simbah-Simbah and Budhe-Budhe
batik sogan never fails me, even its fragrance is a stress reliever to me
Good morning, morning.
Would you please lend her fresh air
To forgive the world?
please make forgiveness air that i breathe
today i learnt that i am not that forgiving
rike jokanan 
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