Journey

Journey to the self
Takes a long and winding road,
Worth doing. Half done—

Human beings’ journey to understand one’s self is often unpredictable. I never wanted to visit Mecca and Medina yet because of my devotion to a mother, I agreed to go to ensure that she was safe and healthy. And the result was tremendous evolution of self. 💝

To Ibu: I miss you much today 😘

Alfatihah

Masjid Nabawi (Mosque of Prophet) in Medina — where I started strongly realising that there is a journey —a silent one— that I must commit 💝 someday I’ll be back with a clearer mind and a calmer heart yet the same level of “disobedience” and stubbornness 😁
where I witnessed how a human being’s karma is overtly paid off and showing the quality of a person visiting this place – my mother is a humble, kind and very very generous person and in this place she was greeted by sooo many female pilgrims from other countries, requested to take picture together, given a looooooooooot of food every day, given space once arriving in the mosque (her friends in her group were not that much) – me? oh of course she introduced me as her daughter cum translator and then was included in all her blessings 😝
the only person who could move my heart to finally go – thank you, Ibu; might not be a happy ending for me but was a best start of a journey 💝

where my heart was knocked from inside that the journey is within and silent, a precious gift — the physical is a gift wrap to respect whomever we wish 💝 (Masjidil Haram, Mecca)
a life long pilgrimage of mine 💝 a private, silent, almost secretive so only I and whom I most love know the milestones 💗 others are guessing and interpreting 🙏🏼

Mother’s Story

Tragic is comic
After fermentation time.
Dark jokes bring bright joy.

We always remember how our father loved our mother. He liked giving gifts to her and doing household chores like cleaning the floor and doing heavy laundry. Yet he also enjoyed teasing my mother around; his goal was to make her angry just to show that he was good at calming her down. 😂 Yet his strong affection to our mother did one extreme discomfort to her and some of us.

This morning my older siblings asked mother to re-tell a story that we the younger don’t record well as we were too young to save the moment. While they laughed before she started telling the story, we three waited curiously.

Mother: Once I went with my friend to a beauty parlour. She wanted to have her hair cut.

Younger children: With whom?

Mother: (mentioning a name that we are familiar with)

All children: (commenting about mother’s friend who happened to be a very fashionable woman at that time)

Mother: She said that I should have my hair made curly or at least wavy so I could look different. I said no because I should get permission from your father. But you know her, she was able to convince me to do it.

All children: (laughing and commenting about the lady who spent money like she would die today. Mother said that woman got much money from ex husbands so she deserved to do it.) So, curled or waved?

Mother: Medium curled

Older children: (laughing and commenting how she looked fresh but weird as we had never had anyone with curly hair in the family before)

Mother: When I reached home, your father seeing me with curly hair looked surprised. I thought it would be a terrific moment but then it changed to one terrible day. He was so angry, never before he became that angry.

Older children: Ya, I was shocked. Never saw him like that before—

Mother: I was not shocked with his reaction but the next action of his was a biggest discomfort in my life. He said he wanted to make the hair look better which I thought minor trimming and he took a pair of scissors.

Older children: I didn’t expect that to happen. He cut most of the curly hair and only left the one with very vague curls near the headskin. You were almost bald! (laughing) You became so not you.

Me: (upset) Why did’t you run to hide and protect your hair?

Older children: Hey! Don’t be too serious. He didn’t hurt her.

Me: But he hurt her pride! I won’t let my hair be screwed up by anyone.

Older children: I remember mother sobbed and I screamed to father to stop. He didn’t do it harshly, but I felt worried about her sobbing.

Me: Damn wrong thing! I never knew he would have this in the checklist.

Mother: No worry. He regretted and apologized on the same day. And trust me it was the only one bad thing he did to me. He said he didn’t want me to draw attention of other men.

Older children: Jeeeaaaalousy! We know some other things about his jealousy! You should tell more stories.

Mother: I think it was the best lesson for him about how he should not be too possessive.

All children: Yaaa!!! Agree!

Older children: Do you remember that you turned to be a better fashionista than her. I remember you wore turban and sometimes wigs.

Mother: Yes. And I guess he regretted it even more as I asked for different wigs and turbans until my hair was good enough to show.

What a comedy! Oops! What a tragedy turning to comedy after some time!

Lesson learnt: choose the best expression of love to avoid bad impression, don’t have your hair curled 😁, find a husband who doesn’t hate curly hair 😁, forgive your husband’s wrong expression while educating him, and see a comedy in a tragedy

My Mother Said

My mother said
You were a cute baby
Even when crying.

My mother said
You were a beautiful toddler
Running around,
Bubbling all words.

My mother said
You were a cheerful girl
Cycling around
Climbing up trees
Playing drowning in the river.

My mother said
You were a beautiful woman
Arguing every ideas from me
Showing me your strong desires
Moving to where life brought us.

My mother said
You are an adult woman
Enjoying life differently from me
Giving me what you’ve promised to be
Loving what you love with no doubt
Living life with smiles and warm heart.

My mother said
I love you
I bless you
Wherever you are.
You’re loved
You’re blessed
However you are.

My mother called, we laughed a lot today. She said I laughed as I did when I was a baby. How happy I have been to be her daughter. Lots of hugs and kisses, Ibu.

Alfatihah.

💝

RC Gorman’s Mother and Baby

Good Words

Good words, Beloved,
Postcard sent in holiday
Showing what one’s seen.

My mother’s question after saying hello at lunch time is always “What did you cook today?” And she’ll say “Delicious!” when I send the food picture although she might say differently when tasting it. Both are happy, and that’s the most important thing.

May all beings be happy.

today’s work in rainy day

Good Morning from Mother Nature

Mother, Beloved
She’s giving more than taking
No end since morning.

—-

This morning I saw my mother cleaned our slim long patch of plants and Mother Nature showed the beauty along the patch. Many herbs and flowers are presenting their prime time. Some of them are preparing their exhibit and yields. Many of them are of no bloom after last month.

I didn’t help her. Let her enjoy the cleaning, let me take some pictures. 😝

Some neighbours passed by and greeted us, exchanging some light chat about the neighbourhood. One of them came to us bringing a bowl of nasi jagung (steamed corn grain) before she went teaching.

A short visit with long lost warmth of a real neighbourhood

May all beings be happy.

one of the aloe vera pots – we harvested it to make some drink 🤩
red lemongrass ❣️ oops my sister said it’s sugar cane 😃
cabe rawit hijau – green bird chili
cabe rawit merah – red bird chili
zinnia
layered zinnia
cream zinnia
kumis kucing 🐈🐈🐈
tapak dara
cepokak
rose obviously
jasmine sambac

and so on….

nasi jagung from Bu Yati, thank you!

Indonesia – May 10, 2022 / 07:28am

Matur Nuwun

The boughs touch the ground
Showing respect to nature,
Mother who loves all.
Fruits are ready to harvest
Everyday. Farmers’ blessings—

———————————————————-

One of those teaching me constant gratitude is my mother. When I share my problems, she will either tell me “We should be grateful that our problems are still solvable” or “We are still lucky that we are still given blessings when having problems” or “It is ok, someday they will understand”.

That lady is made of flexible rubber when hit by hard challenges. Nothing hurt her blessed heart. I’m lucky to be born by her. I guess God has sent her to teach me patience….

…. and at the same time to be patient. Hallow…. It takes patience to deal with patient people. I mean it!

Matur nuwun, Ibu. I love you. 💝

matur nuwun

Remember Her

Relationship pattern changes over time and so does the way children relate with their parents. Although we are far away from each other, always remember the precious role of our parents especially mother. Oh anyway, I was closer to father. As he passed away, I become close to mother.

Dear Self, at least say hi through online chat or video call. Sending her the picture of our lunch would be a good sign that we are ok. Never let her worry about us, no matter what.

To Write About Someone – ranting

It’s been a while that I could not write long stories. Haiku has been my choice. It enables me to put my ideas into concise version of long winding contemplation.

Suddenly I want to write a long story about someone. Maybe about someone I’ve thought I know very well but in fact I don’t really. I often misunderstand about that person. About my mother….

But again, I don’t know if I can do it well…. I’m just blank.

Green grass and an ant
Is a dot on a paper sheet.
A real confusion.

Still preparing for a better thought.

Jakarta – October 6, 2017 – 23:42

Ant-1-700x400

Picture borrowed from http://www.themost10.com/intelligent-animals-2/

Gaia Sophia

Dear Mother Earth,

For years this plane has lingered on your generosity,
Enjoying the life with almost no edge.
And, today — just today — the mind remembers again
That you’ve been not only generously nourishing
But also wisely enriching.

If ever this plane has to unite with you,
Please accept it with love.
Please embrace it with warmth.
Please absorb it with positive sensitivity.
Please grow with its pure zest.
And, please send it as best regards to the Heavenly Father above….

Dear Mother Earth,

That this plane is later meaningless for the Soul
Is a different story.
But please know that the Soul is of knowingly aware about what is happening to you.
You are being tortured,
You are being cracked,
You are being sucked,
You are being destroyed,
You are being malnourished,
You are being negatively treated….
By your children through the devilish thought
That has stealthily been occupying you for an evil sake.

Dear Mother Earth,

The center of my plane orbit….
Please stand still.
Please breathe calmly.
Please be tough
Yet be soft.
Please be knowing that you are still loved,
Still protected.
Still be synchronized.
Still be cared.
By some children of yours
Who nourish themselves with your wisdom.

Please be still Gaia Sophia.

Singapura – June 6, 2015 – 5:47pm

Playing With Mom

I took pictures of some orangutans in Semenggoh Wild Center, Kuching, Malaysia – adult and young and got causght by this particular pose. Not really a pose made but let’s call it a pose — one orangutan mother was having lunch with her toddler. So playful and fun – yet nobody of the spectators expressed their excitement with sounds. All were smiling and some children were making very soft giggles (normal to loud voice would alert orangutans to go away). Just enough to know that we all felt the joy of witnessing the loving bond between mom and kid some 50 meters away of us.

Lesson I learnt: how ugly and silly your mom is, she is still the most understanding human on earth so never give her up. And, how ugly and silly your child is, s/he is still the most adorable one so don’t let him/her down.

CIMG0643CIMG0670

Changi Airport – May 30, 2015 – 12:12pm