Tag: life

Happy in the rain,
She's throwing smiles to the cloud.
Rain sends smiles to her.

yellow symbolizes happiness

don’t wait for external causes to celebrate life — rain can be a trigger to flooding anger within or simply a trigger to remind us that there is freshness within ready to dance

Missing Home, Always

It's humble,
Warm,
Spacious,
Fragrant,
Sweet,
Loving,
Beautiful and
True
As this heart.

My home....
I miss
You.

this song depicts how i love my perfect home to be — i miss Jogja

November, please give me just one weekend to be there then i will be a prisoner again until next slot that you wholeheartedly give

❣️

Be True

Be true
Being true
True
Self

Thank you, dear life for being so true to me and teaching me how to be.

I felt so heavy this morning. After swimming, I continued preparing a line of chores that were not finished last night. Yet when doing the laundry and some kitchen things, I was “attacked” by a feeling of broken heart and anger that didn’t seem to be from my own experience– I’ve been so in love and blessed recently.

I remember that what we feel is not always who we are, there might be others’ negative energy around us that with heaven knows what reasons the energy attaches to us. So I stopped for a while: talking to myself, talking to my best friend, posting some funny videos to my instagram then meditating for a while. And tada! My mother called me giving me some news about this and that happening around her.

No wonder I’ve felt so heavy and broken hearted.

Now I know I am not broken hearted.

I am filled with so much love and flowing it to those knowing how to appreciate it.

I promise to be always true to this true self and to those true to it.

May all beings be happy.

💗

Today’s Done

Learning, Poetic

Today's done, my love,
With a bunch of reminders
To always believe.

i’m not a religious person but in my opinion holy book (whichever it is: the Quran, Bible, Torah, Vedha, etc) is one reference of layers of truth that at least can put some ease on mind when i feel like wanting to disbelieve

when traveling i usually bring a small paperbook Quran to flip and read after work before sleep; this time i don’t because in some countries like Indonesia and Malaysia hotels lend Quran by request from the guest

today i borrowed one from the hotel as i really wanted to touch Quran pages to find some solace

this shows me how fragile a human being can be to face daily life challenge at the same time how simple human being can be cured from the fragility

thank you

💝

A Gift

Learning, Poetic, This Person, Those People

A gift, Beloved,
Wrapped or unwrapped, it will be
Blessings to both sides.

today i met my Tapa Brata room mate, she is a sister in this spiritual and medical journey for me; while she is much younger than me, she is tremendously more advanced in what we both are doing — today she wrapped me a silver jewelry that i right away wore to go dinner with her in PS

thank you for this pretty gift, FO

Thank You, My Morning

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

Thank you, my morning
For giving my passion back
After short suicide.

the lagoon pool this morning, its splashing sound competing with the traffic picking up was the background when i called my mother after my morning walk

my mother is sometimes too worried about me then she says “you’re too active”; she’s not exactly right — yes i swim every 2 days, walk 5km every 2 days and bike now and then but i see others run, hike the mountains, box (some of my Filipino colleagues do), etc

so i told my mother just now that i will keep being active if this is what she calls active as this is what makes me greet my morning with positive vibes everyday

i don’t want to waste my time by doing what those in despair do

and she always tells me “don’t forget the routine fasting but eat more” — what?! mother…. a woman that annoys you but you can’t stop loving her

terima kasih, my morning & ibuku sayang

Be You

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person

Be playful, dear self
At the same time
Be kind.
Be free
To be who
You truly are
Although to do it
You've got to sneak out
For a while.

I won't lose you,
Hey little sweet girl in me.

Nice and Light

Trimmed up, Beloved,
A heavy bough of ripe fruits
With nice and light smiles.

heavy week completed with nice and light smiles — alhamdulillah….

happy weekend

💕

1,000’s

I'm a soul of thousands of years,
Traveling through space and time
To introduce a flow of notes
Performing a play
Full of poems.

Someday the story will be
Composed in prose.

Do you care to read,
Beloved?

Vulnerable

How can I be loved? Asked I.

She said:
There's no way out
But in;
To bravely expose
The beauty within
To the beast without,
To sincerely open
The beast within
To the beauty without.

Getting yourself observed,
Criticised,
Appreciated,
Evaluated,
Complimented,
Gossiped,
Praised,
Judged through
Word and look
As sharp as
Guillotine.

Being vulnerable
Is amazingly
Magical--
It gives victory
To an exhausted troop
Right before
They fall into an abyss
Of despair.

Be
Vulnerable,
That's the way to be
Loved.

whatever they say, i prance lightheartedly — my dreams are beyond what they think 💕

Refreshed

Learning, Poetic

The sound of splashes
Echoing around a pond
Shows a frog refreshed.

home dinner gets me truly refreshed — not so much time to cook, so let’s eat raw then enjoy the music and books

❣️

You’re A Book

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

You're a book she's read,
Much to digest and absorb.
A witty preface--

i breathe books in everyone i meet; their life stories are all worth telling; some in secret, some in public — no one is unworthy

sometimes i can sense a dazzling story just by reading its preface; sometimes the preface doesn’t represent the helter-skelter conflicts within the book; sometimes a book simply puts me to sleep soundly

😎

Good Morning

Learning, love, This Person

Good morning, dear self.
Fly my love across the sea
Where heaven's sitting.

RC Gorman’s work of art – i feel strongly Gorman knew exactly how it feels to be a not-married woman: dressing herself nicely, wearing herself comfortably, greeting environment sweetly, loving her own self dearly like loving her beloved

Birthday & Zodiac(s) (ranting)

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person

Happy birthday, myself.
Continue doing what you love.
If not, love what you are doing with commitment, discipline and some gentleness called love.
Know that every single deed be recorded in a ribbon coiling around you, reviewed and rewarded.
Know that however sincere and true you are,
You sometimes will be misunderstood
Even by those closest to you,
And sometimes explanation won't clear the way.
Just be true,
Be kind.
Or, walk out of the room for a while.
Enjoy your double-life: being one in the crowded road and the other in the silent pathway, always
With some sprinkle of love.
You are blessed.

A moment of happiness, you and I sitting on the verandah, apparently two, but one in soul, you and I. (Rumi)

I am 49 today….

….feeling blessed with what I’ve been given. #andnotgiven

….feeling good with by whom I’ve been surrounded. #andnotsurrounding

….feeling lucky that still looking younger than my age (said one selling me a life insurance and said ones selling me bright coloured dresses). #paradoxicallyblessed

When people say “age is just a number”, I’ve always disagreed. Age is counted with number to highlight various processes and stories along a linear line although to me life is never linear, it’s always inward spiral. Originally the phrase “just a number” is to comfort those afraid to age, those who think getting old is scary and less favourable. In fact, getting old is fun and blessed. I’ve never thought that I still can have fun at this age, responsibly do what I love to, go to places in bucket list (no backpacking), dress the way I love to, fall in love every single day with myself and those making me love myself more, look forward to dreams coming true, and a lot more. I am talking about getting old, not being dead– the latter is mysterious and I’m still not committed to be 🤓

What is the essence of getting old to me? Getting old is a journey ahead of total maturation of how a human being chooses to responsibly respond & tactfully react to given situations; and a journey back home to childlike sincerity within of how a human being playfully celebrates failures and successes of life. I refresh maturity each day, at the same time playfulness and candour.

When birthday comes, people like to remind me of me being Virgo, but am I truly a Virgo just because of being born in Sep? I am not sure, in fact Virgo is in both my sun and moon, my rising/ascendant is Aquarius and several other zodiac signs sit in the other houses in the chart. Actually yes I see at times I am a pendulum swinging from being “Virgo’s pragmatic approaches, worrisome nature and rigid ideas” to being “Aquarian’s free-spirit, living life one day at a time, enjoying here-now moment” and in between I am transiting in different zodiac signs in experiencing this precious life. By Chinese astrology I am a Rabbit. By Javanese astrology, oh sooo complicated!

Particular family members, friends & colleagues quote astrology to assure me that they know my personality when commenting about my behaviours.

“It’s because you’re Virgo so you are like this,” said they. “It’s because you’re a Rabbit so you are like that”. “It’s because you’re blahblahblah….”

Well, I respect their willingness to at least understand about me through the pseudoscience called astrology. They don’t judge with bare hands, they present something to my hands. Science or pseudoscience to me though must follow my conscience; their opinion might slip from between the pores of my existence, from between fingers of these hands.

Anyways, to my understanding about this self: I simply accept that this person called Rike is a combination of inherited & evolving DNA, family upbringing & social interaction, life experience & trauma, decided responses & reactions, hopes & dreams; which might happen in awareness or not, well organized or random. If astrology does matter, it is only part of all. Once a human being understands one’s self through one’s own self (in Javanese wisdom it includes but not be limited to “mawas diri” or self examination), astrology knowledge is just frills in a gown.

Please don’t get offended by my personal opinion, take it as a stupid if not humble one.

Whatever strong opinions about or labels given to me –how ugly or how grand– by other human beings won’t change the true me that I experience intimately. I won’t let those labels rob this intimacy. Even all identities I embrace dearly shouldn’t shake this intimacy. Those human beings labelling me and I are raw stones massively tumbled in a giant tumbling machine called life; we each other all hit, break, scratch, polish to finally shine and show the true colours of each of us. How painfully beautiful at the same time beautifully painful life is!

Thank you, Gusti Allah for this beautiful journey called human life.

I know you’ve had boundless repertoire of sweet surprises. Please give me wonderful time like always.

💕

The Lights

Learning, Map It!, Poetic

The lights, Beloved
Bring what dark has long hidden,
Disclose where to walk.

the structure in the picture is called The “Monument to Man” located on the hill above Chisholme House standing as an invitation to all of humanity to return to the origin of all love and to express it in the world

it is a tombstone of Bulent Rauf, a sufi master who founded the Beshara School where life is discussed and experienced through discourses and daily experience

i never thought that my inner journey would achieve its major disclosure in that remote place, far away from my home, poles apart from my culture

one friend sent this picture to the whatsapp group: the aurora borealis light on the “Monument to Man” — this brings my memory back to my stay there, a serene at the same time busy days

for 10 days i did a full day of work among the scheduled English morning & afternoon tea, breakfast, lunch and dinner — i celebrated my birthday silently, i kept it secret, and i felt so close to my own self, until now i believe all of us felt the same with what i felt and i wanted everyone to celebrate their serene days without distraction

since then i’ve committed to keep myself true to myself so i can be true to all; but what i do is just a little of it as i am not a saint, i am not either pious or religious, i am a sinner, i am a walking dirt but i want to keep my tiny spark shine within me and so it goes…. a human being in the making

💕

thank you

Planned

If I'm asked to plan,
I'll plan colourful events
Where bravery rules.

plunge into ocean of possibilities – be brave, Beloved; you’ve failed and fallen, another plunge won’t kill

execute the plan to once again plunge into it and then…. done

💕

Guided

Guide me, Beloved
Traveling in this dark maze.
Keep my trust intact.

our work group is moved from building 1 to building 3 before later finally to building 2

how much ever we love building 1 (we all don’t like working in high floor), we must move as building 1 will only be used for new process bloody heaven knows what

what makes me rather ok with building 3 6th floor is that it has a “garden” that is very helpful for me who don’t enjoy low temperature for too long — today i stayed in the garden for 30′ to warm my body

it has some natural plant, but plastic grass 🙃

today was my 1st day in building 3 6th floor — i was lost going to toilet then guided by janitor, lost to pantry guided by unknown colleague, lost to find the lift guided by another unknown colleague

thank you!

Aging Wine (ranting)

When this wine is aged,
Will it be smooth and pleasant?
Or acidic and weak?

If you ask me what I love the most about this body, without doubt I will say hair and eyes. I am given naturally pitch-black straight hair and deep sharp eyes. And now both really give me patience test.

My hair needs to be treated with more vitamin and tonic to stay strong and dyed (once in 4 months in certain part, not all) when insecurity comes for discoloured hair at the front left and right side of the head. My eyes demand glasses more often than before especially when reading.

Hell! In fact I can’t deny that there is a shade of insecurity of getting old. I understand aging is inevitable but when it changes some features loved the most, I am obviously offended….

My best friend and I often talk about aging and both of us accept and make fun of it. She is not interested in indulging her body, while I am once in a while so I will be the one telling her to keep the body relaxed and fit, while she reminds me to visit my physician and take the meds regularly. No, I never think beauty is the goal of physical treatment, it is always the health and comfort, while beauty sometimes comes as either a bonus or a consequence. And yes, I am against alteration of part of body for beauty; yet I respect those doing it.

Today I posted a photo in instagram and captioned it with two sentences about my fringe and insecurity, my best friend commented “camouflage is a key!” 😂

Hitting the core yet it is true! I will extend the coverage of fringe and probably have my hair coloured (maybe dark brown instead of black to remind me it is not natural) more frequently because I look tired with grey hair, while I want to look fresh both alone or with people. Someday though I will accept the grey hair sitting on my crown, maybe 10 years from now 😛

Getting ooooold. Congratulations! Wait until the time hits the age soon, Aging Wine! 😎

Rike, your grey hair (said they)…. i just smiled but then secretly extended the fringe 😎

my hair really tested me today: messy of wind and refused to be back to normal, stubbornly showing the world that they were against me!

The Best

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

What's best, Beloved?
The one assigned to you now.
It's one and for all.

she is not the best mother compared to others, might not even better, but i think she is the best assigned to me

it’s great to talk to my mother now and then; please live healthy and longer, Ibu 😘

A Path to Destination

Beloved,
It is about whether or not
The path is walked.
Not about prediction,
Not about opinion,
Not about hurting or getting hurt,
Not about giving up,
Not about result.

This journey is
Mine.
The destination is
You.
The end is
Heaven knows.

Today’s dinner

please don’t judge hungry stomach — today was another reading, cooking and eating plus a bit of napping, laundry was missed and will be done tomorrow night after office 😎

this plate is a work of 3-hour labor of an amateur: potato perkedel (potato hash mixed with minced beef), fried rice with corn in Balinese sambal matah & teri kacang (my 1st attempt soooo challenging, too sweet, almost giving up, next time better with different recipe) – yay❣️

i made chicken soup for my own soul and my friend sent me sourdough from her bakery — alhamdulillah….

RAMBUTAN!!! 😍 exotic tropical fruit

Tell Me

It's confusing.
Tell me how
I should love
You.

Is it to shine
As a sun does?

Is it to glow
As a star does?

Is it to reflect
As a moon does?

Is it to pass by
As a comet does?

I'm none of those.
I am now loving
You as the space does,
It is to contain
Your existence,
Embracing what's all
In and about
You.

Tell me how
I should love
You.

RC Gorman’s work of art

My Life Is

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person

My life
Is a drop of dew
That glistens and freshens
The life of a sleepy leaf,
Woken up in a beautiful morning
To greet the sun.

I fall to the tip of a grass leaf
And break
Becoming
Spurt of water, so tiny
Enough to shower less than an inch of dry land
Then come through the soil gently 
Finding a way to the earth veins,
Traveling back to the sea.

thank you, life for always making me nod to the simplicity of accepting what is

A Book Is A Garden

Learning, life, love, Poetic

A book, Beloved
Soaks a soul in clean water.
Washed off and refreshed--

I read a book by Haemin Sunim, Love for Imperfect Things. It is second book from him I’ve read, the first was When Things Don’t Go Your Way. While the latter felt like diving into my own understanding of life– a set of confirmation of what I’ve done and/or understood in life; the currently read is like a playful garden to me, giving me more space to reinterpret my life based on Haemin Sunim’s point of view.

I’ve stopped reading “heavy books”, those that make me more intelligent with bunches of upgraded sciences and knowledge, more critical towards others’ (different from me), more analytical around my folks (outside work), more rigid in forgiving those “making mistakes”. I am now trying to dull the knife in my mind, I’d love to have curvy corners that will just give slight sensation without wound when bumping or bumped by my fellow human beings.

💕

Yes, I am now a weak book reader, but I am an avid reader of my own heart and life.

This book reminds me that I should be bonding myself to an anchor called compassion in life so whatever happens to or around me, it is always love and kindness that become my basis of judgement and decision.

thank you, Haemin Sunim — how grateful i am to have read this book

Most books I am now attracted to are fiction, short books, those illustrated, colourful, with picture collection. I read some biography but only of my favourite people (now reading Alan Rickman’s).

Not a fan of “self help” books either as I don’t need to be helped, just need to sit together with a company to listen and to be listened to.

every chapter is as powerful as decades of dripping water that forms a smooth hole on a rock 💕

thanks to my favourite person for recommending this book; i wish to see you soon 💕

Continuing reading Haemin Sunim’s next book–

Do You Mind Me To?

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

If I'm to follow,
It's only to follow you.
Do you mind me to?

the sun, sunflower and a weekend

Roses You Are

Roses,
You are bright
As bright as her eyes
When finding the way
And she's relieved.

Roses,
You are shiny
As shiny as her hair
When reflecting the sunray
And she's radiant.

Roses,
You are prickly
As prickly as her mood
When getting hurt
And she's fiery.

Roses,
You are wild
As wild as her rage
When becoming uncontroled
And she's sorry.

Roses,
You are quiet
As quiet as her composure
When realising the truth
And she's calm.

Roses,
You are muted
As muted as her body
When taking a rest
And she's refreshed.

Roses,
You can be everything
As complete as her existence
When getting enlightened
And she's humbled.

everytime in-room dining is served, a stem of rose in a vase will accompany the food

once done, the tray will be taken back and i ask for permission to put the rose in the vase in the room

and at the end of my stay there will be roses as many as how many times i choose to dine in the room than to go out (recently being evening lazed mode on)

Tongue Tied

Tongue tied, Beloved
Seeing you're celebrating.
Wishing you from here!

a north star is where you find an answer

Calmed

She's calmed, Beloved,
By evening breeze and shade.
Simple as breathing--

i’m back to my preferred hotel, not the hotel on the lake; this is Hoan Kiem lake where i love to just sit on a bench by the lake for a while before going back to hotel for dinner or having coffee or dessert

should i or should i not?

You

I wish I know
You better
So there won't be useless tears falling to long for
You.

I wish to meet
You now
So there won't be useless words
Uttered in secret for
You.

I wish to be with
You, too
So there won't be useless thought dancing restlessly for
You.

But I won't force to be with
You soon
As the timing is predestined by and arranged for 
You.

counting my falling hair before finally meeting you

💕

Everything