graphs of my Universe
How heavy is jar?
As heavy as what is forced,
Light as what is poured--
RC Gorman’s work of art
today i learnt that one typical problem can be heavy or light for the same person in different situations; or for different people at the same situation — it is always about how we carry the life
dear self, do you force it or do you let it flow?
If heaven is waiting,
Let it be this land,
A home in
A beautiful house between
Mountains and beaches at
The south edge.
If rebirth is scheduled,
Let me be reborn here,
A place where
Sun paints skin tones,
Rain showers naked hair,
Earth hugs stories.
If hell is a transit,
I wholeheartedly let
You call me everyday
Telling me to work hard
And cry gratitudes
For meeting
You again.
when you finally accept who you are, nothing is between you and yourself
thank you for making me me
my dzikr will be alhamdulillah
Who's a knight who shoots?
Archer who knows the bull's eye
And bow and arrow--
Satria manah (satrio manah) is a Javanese phrase formed by two words:
1. Satria or satrio that means a knight,
2. Manah that is derived from the word panah (archery in Javanese). Panah (Noun) is changed to manah (Verb)
As name of batik pattern should be incorporated with wisdom, the interpretation can be built with some exaggeration or maybe slightly drammatical structure. And so, satria manah is not simply a knight who shoots anything but it is intrepreted as a knight who shoots accurately at the heart of a lady.
Life of a wise can be as light as shooting a heart; yet as hard as shooting at the right spot so that it won’t hurt the heart; it even will make the lady fall in love harder with the knight.
Is that even possible?
I don’t know. Not a knight, am not a wise knight. A lady, am the lady whose heart should be shot by a wise knight. π
Another fun fact this batik is usually worn by the groom-to-be’s parents when they are officially proposing the bride-to-be in front of her family. The groom-to-be may also wear this batik when he is with his parents during the marriage proposal. Unofficially? the man can propose the woman personally before introducing to each other’s family.
What batik should be worn by the bride-to-be in the marriage proposal? It is batik semen rante. What is that? I will talk about it next year when the semen rante is ready to ship to me by Mbak Izzah. βΊοΈ
This batik has given me a light heart and a good laugh after a long day.
Have a good weekend!
the batik that is ready for delivery
close up of batik Satria Manah
This life is written
Along a ribbon coiling
Around a live book.
weekend is to read what’s written as weekdays is to write what’s read
i’m a book with cover, title, table of content, chapters, and an end; and i’m craving to know about its precious author among all readers
These wings bring me everywhere
And also home.
These wings bring me adventure
And also joy.
What have your wings brought you?
finally home
it’s amazing to fly home
the peak of a mountain under my wings
the sky full of cotton under my wings
turning right with spreading wings
the sun under left wing
Uud, our friendship is all yellow β thank you
innalillaahi wa innaa ilaihi rajiun
good byeβ¦.. no discussion will be as lively as ours from now on
Is there anyone
Before
&
After
Me
Leaving
Without permission?
None--
It is a consent that forms
Life,
A period where
You
&
I
Meet at a dot on a ring.
salam, dear shrine where heart and soul escort body to whisper all secrets
Kameyama Shrine
before cleaning – looked like birds loved to bathe and leave some feathers as token of gratitude
after cleaning – no one asked me to clean this, i just felt that i needed to give Japan a small token of gratitude and Kameyama Shrine be the one to receive it
always praying someday I can come back to that shrine. I will tell her that she did give me amazing vibe in my whole visit in Kameyama. Shrines, mosques, temples, churches and other places where human beings whisper their heart and soul out have always been a charm to me.
enso – there’s a dot where two extremes meet and form balance to ensure life flows
Your face that I keep
Won't grow old. This heart preserves
Everything that's loved.
my face has been all over my iPhone’s face for the past 4 years – can’t get over my COVID era face β£οΈ
And at the vast water
Full of memories
I ask
What life does mean.
what life is without water?
what life is without stories?
You are beautiful
Because this heart has the eyes
Of a butterfly.
There is birth and death
And love in between those two.
Continuous lifeβ
RC Gormanβs work of art
Jazz didn’t simply come to me. My beloved sister contaminated me with jazz through time. When I was 14, she was a 17 yo girl crazy about music through cassettes (ahhh…. do 17 yo nowadays know what cassettes are).
The weird jazz up to acceptable jazz were played by her daily….
Now I am enjoying it when life sounds so messy and dry.
Thanks, Mbak Yuda. You are loved!
Happy International Jazz Day!
Bengawan Solo aka Solo River where my placenta was “floated away”
I wish you a fresh air
That brings coolness in a hot day,
And lullabies me in a cold night.
I wish you a unique vibe
That loves me romantically,
And beautifies yourself naively.
—
banana flower salad — fresh and beautiful
young rice ice cream only in autumn βΊοΈ — unique and cool
CαΊ£m Ζ‘n, Hanoi ππΌ
How full are you, Love?
Leave a space where air can move
And water can flow.
—
It is Ramadhan 1, I started my 30-day fasting.
Fasting is not a new or foreign to my family. My parents consider it a sacred practice in their life. My oldest sister does fast every two days. Intermitten fasting is never a new thing for us. We are Javanese, we fast both as a spiritual sanctuary and mental exercise.
When we talk about fasting in Javanese tradition, it is not always like the Islamic fasting (not eating, not drinking, not smoking, not having sex on the daylight). Fasting or pasa or poso in Javanese is managing what is in and out through all doors of senses in our body. It can be simply by choosing what to eat, when to eat, how to eat.
In old days Javanese did many different types of fasting and so they name those types of fasting differently.
Mutih (derived from the word putih or white in Javanese) is when they only eat rice and drink water. They won’t be consuming anything with tastes: sweet, salty, sour, bitter, gurih, etc.
Ngidang (derived from the word kidang or deer in Javanese) is when they only consume leafy vegetables and water, and no other things.
Ngrowot (derived from the word krowot that means “no rice” in Javanese) in when they will not consume rice and any product of any kind of rice).
Etc….
For this Ramadhan I decided to do ngrowot. It means I will not consume any rice and any product of rice crom dawn to dusk, from day 1 until end of Ramadhan. I want to know how good I am pushing myself through “hunger”.
Bismillah!
Yes, I can.
π
my first day of “Ramadhan Ngrowot” breakfast
π
Living is breathing.
A quest of in and out air
To define meaning
—
breathing day for some of my beautiful batik, the Javanese exhibition of wisdom
One of treatments to handmade batik is letting them breath or in Javanese language we call it “angin-angin” that is literally “wind-wind” — hanging batik clothes in fresh air, not directly under the sun to let them be in contact with air to decrease the humidity.
Enjoy your breathing.
β£οΈ
This is a powerful song that always hits me at the core when I am complaining about what is not up to my expectation in life.
matur nuwun, Mbah Tejo for this powerful reminder about life
The poetic composition with “urip” (life in Javanese) and the “utang rasa” (owing the feel) reminds me that life is about crediting the feels we debit from others.
Life is about experiencing the feels whether it is giving, borrowing, owing or paying. What feels do we want to give? What feels do we want to borrow? What feels are we willing to owe? What feels do we need to pay for balance? Up to us.
When someone passes away, s/he will be remembered of what feels s/he has left in life whether what’s credited or debited.
Sometimes I talk to myself: what feel do you want to pay that you are so bitter to life?
Dear, Self. I am sorry. I’ve owed you so much negativity that I have nothing to pay but positivity.
One thing: I don’t want to have zero as zero will put flat tone in my humanity. I want to have more saved than deducted. Yet…. I cannot 100% be sure.
Salaam….
π
There's a time, my dear
You cherish with sweet breathing.
Winning against self--
—
i used to be very harsh to myself until 2019 when two doctors made me realise that taking care of my body is as important as taking care of my spirit and mental
i started expressing myself more freely and genuinely, less drama, no excuse to stop me from being calm and confident, accepting me the way me is, unlearning old knowledge, learning new knowledge, opening my heart to all possible layers of truth and beauty
now i believe i am one of this world champions seeing how well i coped with my own self until i can feel so comfortable again back to my me
…. now i won’t let those playing around with me for their own fun in to my life as my life is not only a span of fun free time yet it is a span of fun dedicating time
thank you all for being you even with just a brief existence here now in this short journey
π
When the road meets its end,
I wish
That this heart is letting go,
These steps are finished
So this soul flies in joy
To
You.
I want a pillow
That is white,
Soft,
Strong,
Wise
From
You.
My time will adjust to
Yours
That is as fast as light,
As fluid as water,
As peaceful as a night
With
You.
—
β₯οΈ
How do you feel loved?
Not so much effort,
It's just a smile,
Or a cuddle from a dog.
I'm loved,
I'm loved
Just because
Life loves,
Love lives
Here
Now.
—
before going back to Singapore, i visited my friend in Lod Tunduh – she has 2 dogs and both love me so much, wherever i sit, both will sneak around like this!
About love
That throbs like screaming wound,
Craving for nothing but
Its own
Genuineness,
Clarity,
Loyality.
No reciprocity
No repayment
It hurts.
It hurts.
Yet it is noble
And true.
It is endless overflow
Of spring water
To the river
Flowing
To the
Sea.
—
the driver drove me these 2 days has 3 kids; 1 is pursuising police education, 1 is studying to be a technician, 1 is 10 years old
he and his wife work super hard to make their children’s dreams come true — they have double jobs and spend most of their time working
that old man and his loyal wife truly have reflected what love is, reminding me to my parents and what they did for their children
thank you for the love lesson that makes me believe how love changes things
β£οΈ
Perfect, Beloved?
Universe dancing pattern
With risks and blessings--
—
there is no need to be perfect to be beautiful — it is just about expressing one’s self genuinely
picture from Pinterest
Now here, Beloved
Is the best nowhere to go.
Breathing, close your eyes.
—
gethuk sukun with grated palm sugar π for today’s breakfast! long weekend will be full of home cooking and some fun now and here
happy long weekend fully home…. no no fully home, maybe biking or walking too
waking up hungry, i went to kitchen this morning; re-steam the sukun then put one big slice in the mortar
yesterday aunty cleaning service knocked my door and showed me a big sukun (breasfruit) saying “Ma’am, would you mind cutting this into 2, one for me and and for you” — she promised me to give some sukun harvested from a tree at the green swimming pool; of course i did it happily! thank you very much, Aunty! π
i loved to eat it steamed or fried back home — can i grow it in my backyard? π
About sukun
Iβm amazed
Of the days
Passing by like trees on a street marching fast when I ride a car,theyβre forgotten.
But you came like a red tree bending down
Telling me βStop! I remember you.β
Iβm amazed
Of the days
Passing by like white clouds in the sky swimming when I look up, theyβre adored.
But you came like silver cloud sprinkling light
Telling me βYessβ¦. We will meet again.β
Iβm amazed
Of the days
Passing by like regrets deep
down in this heart when seeing a name, itβs untouched.
But you came like a saint forgiving me
Telling me βTake care and be safe.β
ββ
I remember that day when I took care of 2 dogs in a construction site near my office β now they both are relocated to other construction sites π
a very good friend said he remembered that I used to visit dorms whose residents took care of some dogs β Iβm glad that someone remembers me that way ππΌ thank you so much
I am not taking care of dogs anymore, but only donate to no-killing dog shelters where stray dogs have their days free as dogs without abuse and starvation β may all dogs be happy π and may the one reminding me of a good memory with the two dogs near my office be happy
sincerely β₯οΈ
When someone says cheese,
It doesnβt always mean cheese.
It is just cheese said,
Not cheese tasted.
ββ
they thought I took picture of theirs after a long walk, actually they were wrong π€ they wasted some cheese π
This path is smooth,
Many have traveled on it.
A lot of hearts were here
Singing hopes through time.
When sun goes down,
This path is glowing.
Many souls were here
Whispering love through space.
Sun will rise again,
Another day will come.
This heart is here
Promising to grow with the flow.
This heart is deciding
Every step is counted
And dedicated to grow prettier,
Making the path smoother.
ββ
whatβs broken can be amended and still beautiful
seeing how life is generous, I can fall in love with the same face again and again; yet when health is getting from bad to worse, I feel this heart is broken now and then
yet life is still generous, so I decide to fall in love everyday π
It hurts when released.
In heart.
It hurts when kept.
In all.
And so I released.
All.
ββ-
I sent blessings and prayers to those passing away not known by their family β whoever and wherever you are all, I am one of those remember you as a family member π May all beings be happy
I believe they are released from any unhappiness
ππΌ
It is not out there
What is searched is here waiting.
A centred sparkβ
ββ
keep centred β thanks, Beloved for all the blessings
π
no one can shake an ancient rock
Luxury, my love
What makes one feel fortunate,
Feel responsible.
Luxury, my love
Not brand, not price tag. Itβs mind
Bursting new spirits.
Luxury, my love
You can bluff but you canβt trade
With a true spirit.
Luxury, my love
What youβve failed, what youβve too learnt
About the deep wounds.
ββ
not the Aman Jiwo Hotel making it luxurious, it is Borobudur temple, Menoreh Hill and all the Javanese villages and tradition conserved as surrounding is the real luxury
You are not a star.
Never.
A star brightly rises.
A star magnificently sets.
You might be upset
As a star is what is adored
By many.
Donβt be a star,
It is born,
It dies.
A seen star is thousands years of its historyβ
Illusion.
You are the earth.
Always.
Who lets the sun rise
And lets the sun set
Sincerely.
The earth is loved
By many.
When I see the earth
I see a present moment
Of everything about it.
I am grounded to earth.
It is where I live, love and laugh
Sincerely.
You are
A star not.
ββ
a star is a dream; the earth is where I live, love and laugh sincerely
Note: picture is from Pinterest; I wanted a Java island on the earth with stars above yet could not find any π
Itβs salt and pepper
Seasoning life with some taste.
Spicing up the dreamsβ
ββ
salt and pepper
rike jokanan 
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