Tag: love

There is a dot
Where a circle is closed.
That is, Beloved
Where I accept
That
However I look won't be good,
Whatever I say won't be right,
To
You.

This heart is a collection of
Tiny circles closing every time
Lesson is learnt.

And so,
Let me close one
For a while
To fully accept
Its breakage.

Let me celebrate this tiny hope
At the edge of this grandiose world
Where only power seems matter.

no, I don’t want to lose hope to have a better world even if that whom I love the most thinks this idea is a nonsense

keep loving, dear heart, even if the sun is an inch over this head

💙

About A Magic

This love, Beloved,
Blooms to shine within and out.
Don't discriminate.

how deed is your love?

I love. Yes I do love….

…. but very rarely romantically up to this age (4 times).

Among the rare romantic love, what was the most magical?

It was when I fell in love with a (maybe) gay man.

Don’t judge me; I didn’t know he was a gay. Don’t judge him; it was his choice.

Love is love. It is still worth appreciating. I respect everyone’s choice of life including one’s sexual orientation & gender identity (some of my friends & colleagues are in that group) but I am not a person to be in a romantic relationship with LGBTQ no matter what.

Thank you, Love for the experience. I’m lucky to have a big heart. I believe my heart is even now deeper and more spacious with the magic that has happened to me.

Alhamdulillah.

😊

❣️

Peace, Joy

Peace and joy, my love,
Cheerfully dances with smiles
Or dives to the deep.

my dolphin earrings today reminded me that life should be experienced with some taste of peace and joy

Dwellers

Learning, Map It!, This Person

Dwellers, Beloved
We are in this space, searching
What's known yet unknown;
Or, what's unknown in fact known
By a searcher who's been searched.

love is in the center of my searching in which I’ve been dwelling in this space with the sun, the moon and the stars

I’ve been searching myself who’s sitting patiently, radiantly knowing that I am longed for by the lover

thank you for the love that you’ve given to me through all those around me: human beings, non humane things and those unseen but sensed, and those unseen and not sensed

About Believing (ranting)

Learning, love, This Person

Doubt and trust, my love,
Between which I wait for you
To sing a love song.

While knowing makes me clearly decide what to do, believing keeps me walking even when it’s pitch black or blinding bright.

Believing is not about taking something with evidences. Believing is taking things for granted as there is no choice while I should keep on. As long as evidence is not yet well presented, it’s believing, not knowing.

What do I believe most in life? That there is only one able to help me, the one I often call beloved, my love, dear love, you. Yet I’m shaken now & then by what’s called doubt. Doubt moves the graphic of trust up & down which is normal as said by a master “the faith is up & down”.

In uncertainty, do I still believe of salvation? Yes, I believe in salvation as I don’t know if it is happening or not. At the same time I make space for doubt so I’m humanely questioning myself whether I’m doing well in clarifying the ways. There’s something I miss when in doubt & the space in which I miss always gives me hope, a feel of falling in love with something that I believe will drop wisdom to the heart.

How beautiful the collaboration of belief & doubt is! It ignites love. Love is an eternal flame that sparkles dancing depending on how trust & doubt tango. Without the existence of both, love will look like a marble slab: cold, hard, mute; while a flame: warm, soft, dynamic.

I know in order to keep love & wisdom rekindling as long as I live, I’ve got to believe in the one I often call beloved, my love, dear love or you that sometimes resides so deep in Him or Me.

What a rant!

at that age (below 30) I believed that all were good with lil doubt and as a result I was cheated, lied to but at the same time I gained kindness, endurance and silence

now? kindness, carefree, clarity as these 3 are most needed to live a human being’s life lightly and genuinely

my formula, not applied to all

keep believing that love prevails

😊

If

Learning, This Person

If and if, dear love
The silence breaks, I will fly
With true adventure.

if I am to choose an animal to be my daemon, I’ll always choose a cat

I don’t know why; I used to live with a cat in my small home in Indonesia before moving to Singapore, as my job was 75% traveling, I could not bring Bob with me and so my mother took care of him — one year later, he died

I still want a cat some day 💕

if I am to choose what animal I’m to be, it would not be a cat though

maybe dolphin so I can live in the depth of water while playfully jump to the air

me with a plastic of water — when I was a girl, I loved playing with water so much; almost everyday I put water in a plastic bag and pinched the surface so the plastic became spiky

this lil girl is my home, my sanctuary

Eyes Closed

Eyes closed, Beloved
Blind her for love far away.
Tell her to go home.

today I’m called to go back home to my own heart full of love — love is blind taking me too far away from where I should be

I always think love is beautiful even when it’s so preoccupied with one object so alien for me, that way love lovingly and softly wakes me up after some time “Rike, time to go home, this might be someone else’s place, not yours”

with unsteady steps I had to accept that all the info is confirmed that I need to go home

to where I should be:

my dear heart full of love singing truly about who I am and who will be my home outside my own home

let me take care of this loving heart and calmly step on the love path, truly, genuinely, naturally….

keep singing love, dear self; there is nothing more beautiful than being natural, genuine, kind and true

keep loving

Things No One Taught Us About Love (book)

I read Vex King’s “No One Taught Us About Love”. With 302 pages it didn’t feel heavy, yet did give me a lot of space to contemplate.

There are five parts of this book.

Part 1: The Nature of Love

Part 2: First Connections

Part 3: Cultivating Healthy Bonds

Part 4: The Realities of Relationships

Part 5: Letting Go with Grace

I enjoyed reading this book because aside that the main topic is love, it felt like reviewing my own perspectives of love. For perspectives aligned, I feel the author’s vibe; those not aligned, so far I don’t plan to make alignment with his. I always sprinkle a pinch of criticality when reading or listening to others; like me, they’re not flawless. Or, at least his and my understanding of life and love depart from different backgrounds and interactions.

So much to share but here is some:

“Self-love isn’t selfish. When misused, self-love becomes an excuse to fulfil cravings and boost our self-image without considering how our actions might impact others and the world around us. For example…. like telling yourself ‘I’m worth it!’ As justification to buy the overpriced shoes you can’t actually afford when you really need new tyres for the car”. (aligned)

RICH: Respect, Intimacy, Communication, Honesty (aligned)

Be your partner’s cheerleaders (partially aligned, I will be loyal supporters but not cheerleaders who have to be acrobatic in public; it might be his diction is not my take; but I understand.)

Love isn’t transactional. (aligned but honestly I can feel drained if loving without reciprocity; transaction isn’t a taboo as long as it is wisely managed & not always about material things)

Enjoy the “hazy” voice of mine reading several paragaraphs for you. Not a native speaker: few words were mispronounced. 😁

Blown Away

Learning, love

Blown away, Beloved,
By how much love I receive
From points of compass.

blowing love to the air, breathing

I love you, Beloved.
And, you don't have to love me.
It's never a transaction
That's tangible.
Loves, even not repaid,
Is energy
That nurtures life growth
Through silent rejection or
Respectful reciprocity.

How beautiful love is,
Never lost
Only found.

love is (always) in the air

Carnation

Carnation, dear love
Blooms in February for you.
It vibes with this heart.

1 Kakak 7 Ponakan (movie)

Disclaimer: It is not a movie review. It is an impression told with a limited basis and personal preference.

This movie is about a man who is willingly taking the responsibility to raise 5 kids who are left by their parents (a couple passing away, the other couple divorced) and 2 other irresponsible adults.

Moko (the 1 Kakak that means one older brother), an architect, decides to delay his dream of becoming a successful architect and his love life in order to ensure all the five kids (in short two nephews and 3 nieces) are well taken care of. When two adults joined the folk, the five kids turns to seven that makes “7 Ponakan” literally meaning “7 nephews and nieces”.

It is with happy ending although it seems that the family should work hard for bright future. The happy end is Moko reunites with the family with a clearer reconciliation of what to do to be a family and find the love (who is always her from the start).

A sandwich generation is what’s portrayed in the movie in which someone has to bear the family “burden” that is not supposed to be his. A younger brother takes care of his sister’s children plus another sister and her husband.

It is normal in Asian culture especially to middle to lower class society. Siblings finance other siblings for education. Aunts or uncle do like Moko. And so on.

The movie leaves me in awe on how a family is redefined, how the movie is produced (I don’t know though about cinematography so let’s skip it) and how the original story is composed with high complexity of sadness over sadness (this movie was a TV series back in 90’s, adapted from a story written by an Indonesian prominent author, Arswendo Atmowiloto).

As part of sandwich generation I consider this movie acts as a strong reminder that sandwich generation is an important part of a society.

If proportioned to the productive age population in Indonesia of 206 million, an estimated 56 million people fall into the sandwich generation category. In terms of age, the Indonesian sandwich generation is spread across all generations, from generation Z, Y, X, to baby boomers. (Kompas.id)

I like processing data to some extent but about this movie I am more interested in how to perceive sandwich generation from personal point of view rather than from socioeconomic that might complicate my opinions.

Back then I was angry knowing I was part of those needing to take the “burden” but then I learnt that life has chosen me to take the burden as a responsibility with many good reasons. Although I’m born into an economically decent family, life is so dynamic twisting the plot and tada! I’m a sandwich generation.

Although I feel bad about some people who has to be sandwich generation when they themselves in unfortunate situation like Moko; I still think those economically decent should have some sort heart to willingly help those needing genuine assistance.

Sandwich generation is not only tested with the responsibility itself (many stories tell about how they struggle with debts and uncertain future) but also with the way the support is responded. Some are thankful to supporter (sandwich generation) but others feel more need to enjoy success leaving the past untouched. I found that their being thankless is not a bad thing spiritually for the supporter, it is a good thing for the sandwich generation to train how to value their own self regardless. Is it easy? No! Yet life is to purify human beings’ intention to be decently kind. Please excuse me if I’m called “so pathetic and irresponsible” for saying so; however, when that’s the only choice, are you going to run away?

How did I watch the movie? I cried and laughed in almost 130 minutes of the show, while my friend slept (she was not interested in the movie, just wanted to hang out with me that very day).

There are some quotes I love the most from this movie.

There is nothing called debt in our own home. There is nothing called “fighting alone”.
As human beings who love, let’s fight for one another.

No matter how kind you are, you won’t be able to help everyone.

The soundtrack songs also all my favourite from Sal Priadi.

Kita Usahakan Rumah Itu

Besok Kita Pergi Makan

Mesra-mesraannya kecil-kecilan dulu

Just like Maurin (Moko’s love), I don’t continue being melancholic though as I am fully aware Moko (the sandwich generation in the family) also needs to ensure his own happiness. Moko just needs to know balance.He knows he can lead the family but he also needs to distribute responsibilities based on capability and accountability in the family.

To me the movie shows a learning journey on how to love, to trust each other, to share, to fight with integrity, and balance perspectives and emotion in different situations.

It is one best Indonesian movie that I recommend to all age groups and all socioeconomic status.

How I wish this movie and those involved be appreciated with many awards and prizes in high profile festivals.

1 Kakak 7 Ponakan: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Highly Recommended!

Have You Ever?

Have
You
Ever
Loved someone
That
You
Dare not
See the photo?
I'm afraid of brokenheart
Again and again
Seeing you
Posing with her
And not with me.

Sometimes

Sometimes, Beloved
This heart screams so hard, your name.
Echoed in silence.

sometimes I want to share what I feel but even to the closest friend a secret is a secret….

Love

This love, Beloved,
Is a pack of hope and fear
Sailing in the heart.

loving you is like playing swing: fun of my hope and fear, nervous of your anger and confidence

I’ve felt gaslighted but then you said you’re gaslighted; maybe I don’t know my value…. But I think it’s because you don’t care about anything

🙏🏼

4 Elements In Me

I'm water, my love
Living with the soil and air
Burnt by this blue fire.

To me clarity is more important than belief. With belief I might grab in the dark, to some level of darkness I might be frantically euphoric or falling into abyss of confusion. With clarity I can appropriately choose what I need to do & when further blessed, to do it appropriately.

Clarity is gained through many ways, as many as the heart in life. I myself like to think I clarify myself about myself based on how 4 nature elements (water, air, soil & fire) purify themselves.

There are few ways to gain clarity/purity in each but I’d like to talk about one for each.

Water naturally flows to clean itself; flowing to filter what’s in through its movement against all odds (stones, holes, debris, etc). By filtering for clarity it means I need to pass by at the same time to let go a lot of things in life to be clear (& clean). Like river, I receive materials from various sources that possibly contain unnecessary or unfavourable matters & I need to choose which to stay & which to get rid of. Flowing is leaving some behind & taking necessary some ahead. I’ve let go a lot of memories & people.

Air circulates what’s in. By circulating for clarity it means I should not stop sharing. The more I share (material, knowledge, vibes, etc), the more I find clarity in life. Like air, this person needs to vent, too. I tell stories, write, rant, talk, argue, discuss to verify information accuracy.

Soil decomposes what’s in. It breaks things into minuscule or even atomic pieces & blend all in one environment. Like soil, I don’t mind dealing with rotten and/or damaged things (ideas, gossips, accusation, prejudice, etc). Sometimes I swallow the worst leftover. Rubbish can turn to gold! Is it possible artist here? (Not the artist in Bahasa Indonesia’s artis, it is the seniman)

Fire heats to purify itself. Like blue fire I sometimes feel of having the most life energy (oxygen) & the motivation (high temperature). I clarify by motivating myself & others. I often don’t need external voice to motivate myself. I can be rather stubborn against change: sometimes only my will can change my ways. Learning from own mistakes is good: getting burnt 😁

Clarification leaves waste (emotions) so I need to deal with it by treating them well.

Note:

I’m more water than fire. I’m more soil than than air. I’m more air than fire. I’m more water than soil. 😊
This idea is original but murky; might not work for you. Find your own way to be clear about yourself.

Music

I have a flute and a guitar; play a bit and need to be back to practice again.

Sometimes life has to drag me in by sending people who kick me out so I can realise that I am the best lover of my own self.

May 2022, lousy but fun 💗

Garden In My Heart

I've grown flowers and big trees
In my heart.
There's a pond with small fish playful and harmless;
Water lilies and lotuses dancing and entertaining.
You send breeze, she sings happily.
You send rain, she drinks sufficiently.
You send storm, she cries sadly.
You send snow, she freezes deadly.
Whatever you send, she feels blessed abundantly, so much loved.

This morning she said to me that
If you send yourself, she'll live forever.

pond near the dining room in D’Omah Jogja — breakfast feels slow with the waiters’ giving us more time to choose the ala carte menu, and meaningful with the long waiting time that diners can have more time to calmly chat in the morning

In Between

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

In between if there is a gap,
It's to bridge,
Not to separate.

if you are between two, quit; said I to myself always 😊

Loved Love (ranting)

Love loves, Beloved
Love loved by a loved lover
To be beloved.

Some of my friends have very strong concern about my love life and so they “take care of it” very seriously. They often check if I go dating, sign up the online dating apps, met anyone in the biz trips, if this, or that.

Normally all answers make them annoyed or laugh as I usually respond to them in light ways. Anything not giving me positive impacts or real things should not be part of a weighed consideration to deeply converse. Let go….

Recently life has given me various brain teasers in past weeks: so much forgetting daily personal things (collecting skincare, collecting my Dyson after repaired, lunch bag, ID badge, etc) and…. (drum rolls) friends checking my love life so often by tagging me in instastory that I mostly ignored, WhatsApping me with love-love questions, direct messaging me in Instagram about love-love things, and so on.

“Are you dating? You seem so radiant. I know your romantic words are for someone not for your Beloved. Tell me.” Said one of them.

Woohoo! Will never tell…. 🤪 None of anyone in the world should know whom I love until it is certain whom I will share life with. They can know I am in love and that’s it. If nothing happens, then it is a secret for the rest of this life. Age has taught me how to deal with safety, security, confidentiality and integrity.

One more friend tagged me in an instastory as if telling me to open my heart and blahblahblah….

Friends make my life fun! I love them with all my heart because I know they just want me to be happy.

Ahhh! I just want to sleep well welcoming Chinese New Year holiday.

Many Days She Does (revised)

Many days emit many emotions.
They show off how well
Life is capable of
Playing human beings with different stories.
She laughs.
She cries.
She reads.
She writes.
She sings.
She hums.
She does, even when she doesn't.
All with all her loving heart; or when doing things, she fills her heart with love.

sometimes I cry, not always because of sadness, sometimes I do because I feel so much loved….

With Love

With love, Beloved
The breeze blows the flying leaves
To where sweetness waits.

bamboo shoots & corn in love

About Aging

Learning, love, This Person

The world keeps spinning.
The body ages with time.
Trip in alignment--

Don’t be afraid of becoming old. Aging is truly a blessing.

With the gray hair I feel wisdom befriends with me. Still I have freedom to dye it to look radiant.

With the wrinkle on the skin I find kindness and understanding unfolds. Yet it is not wrong to put skincare to look healthy and fresh.

With weaker eyes I find my mind is sharper evaluating my self and environment. I can still wear reading spectacles to keep reading to refresh brain.

With less hydrated joints and less dense bones I move more slowly cum gracefully. There is no harm though to do sports regularly.

With fewer friends I still get good updates accurately about how the world spins and enjoy true relationship with little to no condition.

Eventually aging is about knowing that soul will release the physical body when they body is ultimately deteriorated, when time is up. I just need to ensure that this body knows she is never alone or lonely in the separation process.

Celebrate life!

see you next month, Hanoi

Doubted

Learning, love

This heart's umbrella.
Doubted, she's up to protect
And to let all go.

once i was doubted and so i let all go — it is humiliated to be distrusted while the heart is true

About A Year

Learning, life, love, This Person

About a year, Love
Where you're present and again
Giving me all joy-

2024 was such a year! Thanks much for the one year teaching me again to warmly love sincerely with little to no condition: unclear hints that broke my heart. Life is not always about glory; it’s also losing to win lessons.

2024 was about sudden trips & data as professional breakfast & lunch. I see how fast I process biased opinions & immediately detour to the right path! Such a training by & for brain muscles!

2025 is about continuing my spiritual journey with the same foundation: singularity, uniqueness & humanity;

also about doing my life work with dedication & expertise;

sweet friendship with those that respect and love each other as best friend;

about enjoying long weekends in Korine Jati soon & enjoying longer holiday somewhere else;

about keeping sharing the blessings with those around me verbally, materially, intelectually & spiritually in moderation;

& knowing & loving myself again, again, again….

…. all genuinely & with light heart.

Welcome, 2025. I already feel your sweetness.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2025

dear, monkey mind

i don’t regret but it was the most painful moment in 2024 and thankfully i was helped by my life work

i love my messy hair that gets happy with breeze caressing it and my eyes that tell even when my mouth shuts

2024, thank you for bringing Banksy’s works of art to Scotts Road

Visit

Learning, love

A visit
That lengthens a hope
About a prayer that blooms
And lasts longer
Than a human life--
Love.

Miaw, the cat regularly visiting my mother’s house; she is ready to give birth and now she always wants us to stroke her belly

💕

Love by Meta AI