Tag: love

When I feel helpless,
I will recite
Your loveliest verses
And send them as gifts
To those closest to my heart, whose life
Is a dedication to parents with
Love equivalent as what they received at childhood.

I am here, now
And lucky
So I shall share love
How subtle it has been.

Dear, Beloved.
Please accept my hollow heart for
You to fill with love,
And love only
How hard it has been.

i wish my ripples are of love and love only

Nature of A Destroyer

Learning

What will the sun do?
Bring fresh life
Then maybe
Erase the life dry.
Is it nature of a destroyer?

No, Beloved.
It is a nature of paradox:
Sun refreshes, sun dulls.
Love rekindles, love terminates.

i saw this water lily blooming happily under the sun then the following week was swept by the scorching sun that gulped all water in its environment; i thought the sun destroyed the flower but actually pushing the cycle to proceed — paradoxical life

what a relief

💕

Light At Night

Learning, Poetic

There's serenity
Under the dim light at night.
About I miss you--

dim light decorating night

Flow

Learning, Map It!, This Person

Flow, Beloved
To where love brings
You.
There was a steep rock,
You fell again.
This time it might take longer
To flow calm.
Believe there won't be time dilation
And journey will be just fine.

nothing, it’s just a flowing river enjoying her journey

🤍

A Big Wave

This pool is too calm
A dust can cause a big wave.
Chaotic minutes--

sometimes i behave too strongly at work and don’t want to bring the strength to my personal life

unlike in professional life, in personal life i don’t use complex strategies for my plan and goal, i just do things with kindness with a bit of control to protect myself from being cheated

life might be called chains of transaction but in personal life my trade is trade of kindness, i lend and give with kindness without expecting to be repaid — or else, i will not lend or give; i was cheated a lot but i learnt my lesson yet still the only strategy (if i am forced to admit that i am having strategy) is avoidance strategy — again in personal life

consequently i will feel scared or overwhelmed with someone (that i deal in personal life) showing or demonstrating emotion that i usually apply when negotiating at work: cold, no empathy, poker face, intimidating, arrogant, winning all games and the like

this early morning i experienced one and it affected my whole day — i felt like i wanted to curl; the only thing making me survive the day was that i was working and i needed to keep myself professionally composed

what a heavy day personally today, thanks God my colleagues and business counterparts didn’t pay much attention to my expression except one person asking “today you must be tired walking almost 4 hours, you look pale”

there must be a lesson i need to learn in my personal life

💗

Size of Life

What size of life do I want?
Any size as long as
It is ordinary:
Where big is not too big,
Small is not too small,
It is just right.

I want an ordinary life
Where my closest know well enough
My love and kindness guards
Me against betrayal.

I want an ordinary life
Where the farthest know well enough
Their hatred and ignorance keeps
Them away from me.

I thank you, my ordinary life
You make blessings extraordinary.

today’s breakfast: a big bowl of konjac noodle soup with chicken breast + carrot + bonito flake, a medium bowl of fruit and a small bowl of rendang — all in the right size….

…. and chocolate, the ordinary that turns my life extraordinary

My Best

My best, Beloved,
Is now here staying with me.
The self loved by me
Never leaves, never betrays.
Born, living, will die with me--

pho-bo for last night’s dinner with extra ngogai leaves is still the best

my host gave me pho-bo on hotpot — not the best, yet pho never fails me in Vietnam

chicken pho with extra ngogai leaves — good but pho is best with beef

The Star

Are you the star I point with my finger?
Or are you the one that disappears in a blink of my eye?
Are you the star that will reappear tomorrow night?
Or are you the one that smiles at me then ghosts away?

You are still a star.

which one are you?

Humble Beauty

Humble beauty, love
Is found anywhere with eyes
Naked, no glasses.

i saw this

and this

and this

and this

i feel love is just everywhere incl in the wild grass and ordinary tree around me

thank you

Another Year

Learning, love, Those People

Happiest birthday
To my sacred woman,
Mother.
Please always give
Another year
Every year
For us to pay.

i used to have a difficult relationship with my mother, very difficult; whatever i did was just not acceptable — my choice was her rejection, always

one year to reconcile i asked her to go for major pilgrimage with me but she rejected saying that she was too weak to do (even i offerred the shortest period); but she agreed for a minor pilgrimage — it was to me a cauldron of patience test, and i think the same for her; but we both started to know what was the knot in the rope

i never knew how jealous a mother can be to a daughter who is close to her husband until that day when she said to me “your father loved you more than loved me” — i was very close to my father and now i knew why she wondered why; we both know and accept it now

starting that year our relationship was getting easier and easier until 2018 we were in the peak — i was in my third worst argument in my life with her (1st when i refused to marry a man chosen by her, 2nd when she disagreed with my romance that eventually ended)

since then we started to learn gradually that there was a big misconception about mother-daughter relationship

a mother who thinks that her daughter is a possession should let go; a daughter who wants total freedom should slow down — there shall be a middle way where balance is achieved

and it worked; our relationship is getting better and better — we get along very well, we are relaxed in treating each other

do i love it? yes, except that she will contact me every single day to ask me how i am 🤪

happy 80th birthday, Ibu; thank you for being my mother — hope we clean our karma in this life so when we meet again, everything is going smoothly 😘

i love you the way i do you

you know i will never let anyone hurt you

💗

Your Names

Can you hear my voice
Calling many names in pain?
They are all your names.
Take a sweet glance to this heart,
Can you see face that's not you?

Love, No Doubt

Love is a mountain.

Stands still?
It does but it moves too to balance the center of Mother Earth.
No doubt.

Gives much?
It does but it sweeps too to clean what does not belong to the era.
No doubt.

Saves water?
It does but it stops flowing water to respond to destroyed roots.
No doubt.

Does good?
It does but it harms too to protect the heart of life, love itself.
No doubt.

Embraces beauty?
It does but it embraces scars and wounds too to celebrate journey and age.
No doubt.

My love is a mountain.
No doubt.

Mount Merapi (also Candrageni), Yogyakarta – i so much miss home i cry

💗

All with Love

Life seems effortless
As it's flowing river
To the sea.
All with love--

all with love — today’s breakfast

Flying Dreams

I love my sweet dreams
Who have cheered me every nights
And then forgotten.
Dear dreams, travel find your home.
I'm here to see you smiling.

fly happily, let me enjoy my day, waiting for you to call me saying “i’m home”

This Heart

What twig, Beloved,
Gives this heart strength to hang in?
A twig full of love--

(from Pinterest)

I’m Yours

Your heart, Beloved,
Is yours. We though share one soul
Bonding us for good.
I send love to your heart while
The soul hugs us forever.

everything looks beautiful when seen with love

this is one of 6 stems of orchids celebrating life before they dry out some time later, reminding me to keep sharing love and compassion until my existence changes dimension

thank you, dear orchids

Forgiveness (ranting)

Forgiveness, my love
Blooms among showers of love
Coming out of love.

I became very upset yesterday after listening to some statements that in my perspective was sarcastic and on the contrary to what I personally saw. Most people laughed though.

Then what came across my mind was that person was trying to tell me secretly through a “townhall” that I was not the chosen one. It is normal to be excluded or canceled or rejected/ but should be with dignity not giving silent treatment; and with consistent treatment not “saying this here, giving hidden messages there”– personal or professional, that is not a right way to treat people.

My day was so ruined. What made it worse was a heavy rain came unpredictably that I had to travel longer from Johor to Singapore because of traffic growing jammed in both countries’ immigration gates.

But then I talked to myself last night. What is so special about me that I should be the chosen one? Why not accepting what was securely? Why was so upset to statements that might have been intended to tell me the truth? Hurting truth is better than late one, right? Or what about if that was just a way to tell jokes?

It took me long to re-digest the why: I was using the 5-Why method to trace back possible root causes with no result.

Out of the blue an iMessage with a beautiful song came from a Coldplay lover saying that it was sent to me because the song reminded that person of me. Wow! What a coincidence! Exactly when the iMessage came, I was playing exactly the same song sent to me.

And that the song reminded that person of me must have had a reason: maybe the quality of either the music or lyrics of the song is so me? 🥹

Why this song? Maybe the song vibe represents my “feeling good and like falling in love all the time”. Hmm…. This must be something.

I opened the Holy Book randomly and got another good vibe; a verse started with a sentence: “hold to forgiveness”.

What a stroke of good colours has been thrown to me!

Ok, my day!

I will do all my laundry and house cleaning chores today, cook my breakfast and eat it happily, then go to sleep like a log tonight then tomorrow I will walk 5 kilometers in the morning or go biking 11 kilometers in the afternoon.

Yosh❣️

Thank you, Gusti Allah….

I forgive myself. I forgive others. I forgive myself for letting my mind be filled with negativity about myself and others. I forgive others who have been so out of context or being ignorant.

What song sent by that Coldplay heavy lover? Here it is.

thank you, KM-san! i think you’re right that i deserve to be a heart full of love and a person spreading good feelings

i don’t want to give up; i’ve worked hard to shape a loving heart up to this level — will never let go of my true self

❣️

I Love Who I Love

Learning, love, This Person

I love who I love
With the least of what I feel,
With the smallest of what I give,
With the smile I curve,
With the breath I take,
With the step I make,
With the words I whisper,
With the prayer I hide,
With the biggest I can sacrafice,
With the vastest I can explore,
With the laughter I throw,
With the sigh I disguise,
With the decision I make,
With all I dedicate
In silence
Or declared.

title of my poem above is inspired by none but part of Coldplay’s Jupiter

That planet never stops inspiring me. Thanks, Jupe.

laughter is ripples caused by a heart who wants to tell stories of how life offers so much

i called my mom and could not stop laughing hearing her stories about anything around her: the cat, the relatives, the weather, the broom, the iPhone, etc

she is someone able to make a simple thing nice to hear and laugh at

i never talk about my problem with her and i consider it my job 😁 because her fun can only happen when she knows her children are ok

just by talking with her about how she argued with my sister could make me laugh hard and when finally she asked me “what about you? you ok?”, i would confidently say “iya, Ibuuu….”

i love you, Ibu — you are one of those I so much love

💗

I Love Who I Love

I love who I love
Through the existence of yours.
I am to comply.
There's only one rule applied:
Wholeheartedly or forced, done.

title of my tanka is inspired by none but part of Coldplay’s Jupiter

That planet never stops inspiring me. Thanks, Jupe.

there is one verse in the Quran that i could finally accepted when i reached 40:

arra’d #15 “and to God prostrates whoever is within the heavens and the earth, willingly or by compulsion, and their shadows in the mornings and the afternoons”

even when at the beginning i felt forced to accept what was, i finally found that i was saved through being forced while i was struggling declining what was

it’s like swimming in a river flowing sometimes so calm making journey so enjoyable, sometimes forcing and surging making it hard to believe;

just flow, my dear self

all is in the name of love

💗

Rebuilt to Break?

You know, Beloved
A new heart being rebuilt
Is about to break.

the biggest tear is when hope is betrayed before even it gets to know what to expect

Home Sweet Home

Learning, love, Map It!, Poetic, This Person

Dear, dear Beloved.
There's a space all dearly miss.
It's a home sweet home.

I’ve tried inserting Jogja between my schedules since forever and now it is a dream-come-true.

There is a long to-do list for Jogja this time: checking if the orchids have rooted to the tamarind tree, eating gudheg, drinking ginasthel (legi, panas, kenthel = sweet, hot, thick in Javanese) tea prepared by my 90-year-old aunt, talking about my garden-to-be with my cousins, going watch Papermoon Puppet show and meeting up with batik artisans.

Yet to make it simple let me call it a not-so-short-but-not-long-at-all getaway to take care of my home project and to breathe the sweetness of village air.

Care to see my plan?

Here it is. Boring? That’s so me! 😊

Oct 25 (Friday)

9:45am arriving in Yogyakarta International Airport
noon to afternoon: visiting humble batik artisans: Ibu Tien and Mbak Izzah (any kind of sogan batik) in Imogiri then Mbak Fitri in Kasihan (batik nitik)
evening: eating gudheg
night: checking in and talking with Mbak Roh (permanent partner in crime in Jogja) on random topics until we fall asleep

Oct 26 (Saturday)

whole day with architect (Mbak Novi) in her gallery, my home then finally to Papermoon Puppet Theatre
evening: eating gudheg (again?) and whatever
night: talking with Mbak Roh, Mbak Endang and Agnes on random topics until we fall asleep

Oct 27 (Sunday)

whole day enjoying my aunt’s tea and home cooking in my father’s childhood home in Menoreh Hills
evening: eating gudheg (again??) and whatever
night: talking with Mbak Roh on random topics until we fall asleep

Oct 28 (Monday)

9:45am flying back to Singapore

I usually either give free class or tell stories to children in a small library in Bambanglipuro, but time doesn’t allow though. Skipped! Sorry, kids…. We love you, but I need to manage adult things this time. Next time ya….

Can’t wait to be home…. Jogja, please warmly welcome me like always.

loving the blue sky! view from the backyard-garden-to-be (June’s doc)

From Johor with love….

I’d like to watch you sleeping (Sal Priadi)

Learning, love

sometimes you just need to sleep for one whole day when becoming not well

I Love You

Learning, love

I'm
You when 
You're in love.
I'm
You when
You're brokenhearted.
I'm the ocean,
You're the sky--
We mirror each other until
End of time.

Happy In The Rain

Happy in the rain,
She's throwing smiles to the cloud.
Rain sends smiles to her.

yellow symbolizes happiness

don’t wait for external causes to celebrate life — rain can be a trigger to flooding anger within or simply a trigger to remind us that there is freshness within ready to dance

Generosity

Love teaches me to be generous
Of admiration and hopes and dreams.
However, fear drives me to be stingy
Of admiration and hopes and dreams.

You're a pendulum I'm hugging, Beloved
Swinging me from
Love to
Fear.

I know my wish won't change anything.
You constantly move to balance
Your own generosity,
And my imbalance is just a side effect, 
Not your fault--

I'm almost drowning,
Your stream is so strong.
I'm more and more deeply pulled
To where I belong:
A smile of generosity,
Where love is abundant,
Fear dormant.

letting go is making sure love is abundant and fear dormant

Missing Home, Always

It's humble,
Warm,
Spacious,
Fragrant,
Sweet,
Loving,
Beautiful and
True
As this heart.

My home....
I miss
You.

this song depicts how i love my perfect home to be — i miss Jogja

November, please give me just one weekend to be there then i will be a prisoner again until next slot that you wholeheartedly give

❣️

Be True

Be true
Being true
True
Self

Thank you, dear life for being so true to me and teaching me how to be.

I felt so heavy this morning. After swimming, I continued preparing a line of chores that were not finished last night. Yet when doing the laundry and some kitchen things, I was “attacked” by a feeling of broken heart and anger that didn’t seem to be from my own experience– I’ve been so in love and blessed recently.

I remember that what we feel is not always who we are, there might be others’ negative energy around us that with heaven knows what reasons the energy attaches to us. So I stopped for a while: talking to myself, talking to my best friend, posting some funny videos to my instagram then meditating for a while. And tada! My mother called me giving me some news about this and that happening around her.

No wonder I’ve felt so heavy and broken hearted.

Now I know I am not broken hearted.

I am filled with so much love and flowing it to those knowing how to appreciate it.

I promise to be always true to this true self and to those true to it.

May all beings be happy.

💗

Liberated

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

Liberating love
Makes her fly high to the sky
Seeing a blessed heart.

the ultimate love is that that liberates

listening to this song feels like liberated in love

💗

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