graphs of my Universe
Across rainbow bridge,
Wings bring a tiny light up
High to where it glows.
————————————————————-
I’m surrounded by animal lovers and rescuers. Every now and then I see how they struggle with animals in pain or death. It’s not easy each time those friends have to say good bye but at the same time they learn again and again that the best end is by releasing sincerely and being released sincerely.
Happy journey, Dear. Thanks for all the lessons you have taught us.
Alfatihah 💝🙏🏼
Life pace, Beloved
Chosen wisdom, loved glory
Of everyday life—
————————————————
I wish to retire at 52 and will be a person with not too many layers of identity, being a human being living a slower-paced life, contributing to smaller society and community with my own hands with all my heart and soul, respected as I am I am not as I am who is associated to prominent organizations.
One of good friends reminded me to get prepared for that will definitely be a much different life. There won’t be luxurious facilities enjoyed, privilege given, smiles and hand shake or bow. She says it’s gonna be a true life though loved and respected by those with genuine love and respect. No transactional courtesy, all is about friendship and humanity.
When? Still long time to go but short enough because now I live in a fast-paced life.
Time to prepare.
Once retired, I won’t want to be in contact with those who have respected me because of business or money. They should be eliminated from friendship. They will deserve others who have the capacity.
May all beings be happy. 💝
Dia tak mau
Menipu, ditipu pun
Terselamurkan.
Singapura – 7 Januari 2018 – 00:30
40 days ago our dear cat lady, Greek went across the bridge and today we are remembering her being part of us.
She was such a beauty, dignity yet rebel and free soul. Oh yeah, free soul she was! She would hunt anytime she wanted and brought the hunted to us as gifts: grasshopper, flies, dragonflies, lizard, birds name it she would be proud of her hunting skill.
Once we had a guest with one teenager who was trying to protect the hunted bird – the bird was still alive, very weak and desperate – our guest freed the bird and Greek was in rage! She didn’t attack but she wouldn’t stop wandering around the house shouting until my Mother took the tiny cat to her hugs. She was calming in my mother’s hands.
Greek was such a love to all of us. Everybody poured her with abundant love and care. My Brother would always ask “Where is Greek?” everytime he visited my mom. My nephews and nieces would have the same question.
But Greek wouldn’t love children. She was scared of those rascals’ shouting and cheering and jumping and being too excited. Then she would stay away the whole day giving up the food. She would be back when all those kids were gone. My mom would be worried….
Greek was an alarm clock for my Mother. She would wake her up especially for night prayer. She would kiss my Mother to wake her up. Failed with kisses, she would scratch my mother’s body. Failed with the scratches, she would step on my mother’s head with her soft meows. My mother would prepare food and pray accompanied by the tiny alarm clock.
Greek was also great sleeper. She would sleep when the rest of us worked!
And a great eater…. Pick great eater! She didn’t take not fresh food. All of her food must be fresh from the storage. She would not eat her own leftover. All must be new! And new it was for our beloved princess Greek.
Greek, too many things we save in our memory about her.
You are loved. You are remembered.
We know you leave us as you wished. You made the decision and we just felt the broken heart to say goodbye.
Greek, your graveyard is just some steps from our backdoor. We can visit you whenever we want. We first got so sad but you always came once in while making sure that we are ok and we now realize that you were leaving clean and happy.
Please send our loving regards to Bob, Grace, Greece, Greg, and all other beloved animals you meet and greet there across the rainbow bridge.
Please cut your worry. We are praying for your good. Please pray for us, too.
Now your friends are sitting in our porch Everyday but they don’t want to stay home like you. They come to have meal and sleep somewhere we don’t know. Please make sure they are fine, our angel…..
Greek, this is your 40th days leaving us. You will be our guiding light, won’t you?
Till we meet again, my dear. Love you soooooooo much!!! Warm regards from me, Ibu, Mbak Andri, Mbak Yuda, Mas Yogi and all…. The rainbow slides are ready….! Woohooo!
Yogyakarta – June 19, 2016 -10:30am
Our dear cat, Greek just went across the rainbow yesterday May 10 15:15 Tulungagung time. She’d been sick for the past two weeks — one bump inside her stomoch above hind legs had become bigger and bigger, made her weak and her body coul not hold it anymore….
…. We said goodbye today…. Greek, thank you for having shared your happiness, joy and purity with our family. It is not as long as we expect but it’s been a beautiful connection.
I was not there so much with you as I’m in Singapore and you’re in Indonesia with mom and my sisters…. But truly I love you with all my heart! I just planned to see you next week. To hug you….
Such a beautiful soul you are.
We won’t forget you.
Your playfulness, cuteness, chubbyness, all quality in yours is just bondng us stronger with you.
Now you must be above, looking at us…. Oh looking at me especially…. 🙂
You are saying that you are fine, you are happier and more united with everything. Salaam for you, my dear Greek.
You’re just like air…. I’m breathing you.
You’re just like sunray…. Shining on me….
You’re just like water…. I’m fresh by you.
Now, you are more real.
Ever real. Forever real.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Forgive us for not making you alive for so long, but we’re sure it is also your choice.
I’m sorry….
Thank you, Greek.
Say our warm love and sweet regards to Bob, Greece, Greg and all our family members across the bridge.
See you in a better place and time.
We love you so much.
Soul is soul. We cry over the plane that we can’t touch with our body but the soul is always there, lingering gracefully and we still can feel it with our “other” body.
We lose our beloved parents, children, brothers, sisters or pets that we think leave us forever but truly they are here and still close to us if we realise.
Salaam…. to all Souls who rest for the next cycles, rest in peace…. 🙏🙏🙏💞💞💞🎈🎈🎈
Singapore – May 12, 2016 – 4:19pm
Guilty feeling is:
When it took too long to decide whether to leave my MacBook on a table outside to get cat food or to stay while seeing a stray skinny hungry cat is around — and, when finally I decided to buy two pieces of fried fish, the cat was nowhere to find.
Please forgive me, Mother Gaia….
Kantor Telkom Tulungagung – March 11, 2016 – 9:58am
Nephew, niece, cats and dogs – things that can make me rindu….
12, Jalan Pinang, Kuala Lumpur – March 3, 2016 – 1:31am
I never deny that I was afraid of death. I don’t know what will happen after death. Will there by heaven and hell? Am I going to hell and how long will I stay there? Oh gosh! It really makes me crazy.
Religion says there will be judgement to put me to fire or garden of Eden. And, this doctrine is still haunting me; less often now though. Some others say that there will be another a recycled karma, I’ve gotta go back to life to repay what’s not done in current portion. Some others say nothing will happen after death, just nothing — I don’t even know what they mean by nothing. Some others say they don’t care…. There might be the others that say things we never know.
Death….
Many of my friends passed away, in many different modes: sick, old age, killed, accident….
If I may choose what my bed of death, I will say at home with someone I know and they know what’s death trully is, not people who pretend knowing what it is…. A real bed of death.
Why am I talking about death?
I remember some sweet animals in their beds of death, they know they are weakening but they are struggling. Bima the cat, Moppy the dog and many more cats and dogs…. They struggle and fight to survive from the violence od human beings and from their old age and sickness under human’s good treatment.
For the cats and dogs and other animals struggling to survive from human beings’ violence, please be strong and be patient…. I pray that you are in the right path and you know it. Please, please, please radiate good energy. Please don’t be afraid of death like I was. Death is a gate, a true gate to meet the beloved before transitting to a better space.
I know bed of death is not always a bed surrounded by beloved ones but please please please know that you are all surrounded by angels flapping their wings like a group of colibri…. Happily singing songs of love and peace welcoming their soul leaving the earthy life.
Bima the cat, you can choose what you want. Leaving or staying won’t give you pain at all…. It is a path of learning, learning to let go of loved ones. Like you, I’m learning to do and still fail while you succeed….
Moppy the dog, hello there…. I miss you who struggle to survive there in Jakarta with your beloved family. I hope we can meet again before you leave…. Just let go, boy. We just love you wherever you are.
Bed of death…. Now it is below those beloved rescued animals.
Next time, it will be below me….
Bed of Death, you may come. But please give me time to pay all my debts.
Salaam, Bed of Death.
Remembrance of Bed of Death, Temasek – October 15, 2015 – 12:32am
I support animal lovers and rescuers by praying for them or when I’m able I’d like to donate or accompany them to take care of those animals. But honestly I mostly support them from a distance…. The lowest level of caring but the best I can.
About two weeks ago a friend of mine texted me to pray for Blacky, a little cutie pie that was suffering from vomitting after every meal of his. Blacky, a black-with-white-spots kitten was waiting for exchanging blessings with me.
This is Blacky, when he was up and around.
Blacky was transported by his mommy named Amie by bus for about 3 hours. What a lovely journey for Blacky and Amie the mommy….! To get him cured. Vet said that Blacky suffered from kidney disfunction. Or, at least that was the result after some examination by the vet plus X-Ray.
Blacky and mommy Amie
Mommy had to go home to Tangerang, Banten because she had to work. But Blacky ought to stay — he was exhausted and needed some rest because of Tangerang – Jakarta trip and his sickness. Then it was decided to put Blacky in an animal clinic in Kemang.
Blacky with siblings — all those sweet creatures
Blacky was not getting better. He kept vomitting and decided to leave, he was departing to the land across beautiful ocean. On his last day he ate a little and got positive energy support from another friend of mine. But Blacky really wanted to leave. He was happy and still is now.
Blacky felt the love of mommy Amie and thanked the Universe for sending her to take care of him in his very short life span. He was serving himself as a cat and it was his best serviceat that time. He would love to serve a better role in his next span of life and the Universe already grants his wish.
He will be borne as a boy or a girl who gets so much love…. Namaste….
He will be borne as a boy or a girl who is raised by loving and caring parents…. Namaste.
He is blessed and giving blessings.
Breastfed together to mommy cat
Thank you Blacky for being present in my life although we never met face to face…. I feel the love of yours and mommy Amie’s love.
Please be safe in your trip to your better future. Til we meet again….
Jalan Putri Hijau, Medan – October 2, 2015 – 12:23am
Greg, I heard from mother that it’s your 12th day not going home… Where are you? We hope you are ok. If only you have sent yourself to the other side, please be safe. Enjoy your new life in heaven. We’re sure you’re happy….
But if you are still out there, please go home. Your plate is always full with your favorite fish. The bowl is full with clean water. And, your favorite corner is not occupied by anyone else. Yours is still yours.
Greg, we miss you…. I hope you are there for me to hug when I’m home this Idul Fithri. And, Greek is missing you, too. Mom said that Greek was waiting for you everyday near your plate… Come back, boy! 
Wherever you are. see you, my dear brother….
Seremban – July 5, 2015 – 6:15pm
I’m in Penang. Again.
It’s gonna be a fun day tomorrow – going for a durian party with my team to Balik Pulau. But it’s not the most impressive of my current trip. The tiptop of my gratitude is meeting with two animal rescuers: Pauline and Alexis, both are from Meowy Cat Shelter.
I saw one kitten cry desperately in front of hotel when I got back from a meeting but I could not rescue it because I was not allowed to go into the room with any pet so I browsed the Net to find any cat lover community in the island but failed. I called a friend – who is afraid of cat – to ask if she could recommend me to a cat lover, expectedly failed. Another friend, failed as well. Then I sent one short message to a random contact I got from the Net saying that I saw a cat bla bla bla…. – no reply. I decided to go up to my room, while the cat was frightened and hid under a white car parked exclusively next to the wheelchair ramp. It was a sad moment – not being able to help a helpless creature.
One of my friends unexpectedly iMessage-d me that she was parking her car in front of hotel lobby to get the kitten to her house before being delivered to SPCA in Jelutong. So, I flew downstairs meeting her hoping that the kitten was still there. I brought a bag for a rescue preparation.
But it wasn’t there, the car was also gone. The security guard who also saw the kitten told me that he’d tried his best to seek but in vain…. I patrolled around the hotel and apartment complex for the baby – no appearance. So, I asked her to leave because it was already 10:00pm, while she should have taken care of her family after work.
Surprisingly, my SMS to the random contact was replied saying “Please contact Alexis, I’m not in Penang right now. She’ll take the kitten. Meanwhile, if possible please smuggle the cat into the room until Alexis arrives. Thanks, Pauline.”
I told her that the kitten was nowhere to find. But she said “Find or not, please contact Alexis. We are from Meowy Cat Shelter…. You can find us in Facebook.”
A long conversation through Whatsapp happened afterwards, ended in an appointment to meet up in my next trip to Penang.
I also called Alexis twice telling her what was happening, I promised her to contact her if I see the kitten and even bring to her as long as I find it before I leave to Singapore on Friday.
This trip I might get a bit of despair because of not being able to 100% solve one particular case but I can feel a bit of joy of meeting beautiful souls like Pauline and Alexis above….
Life is offering a balance between yin and yang, even in a very simple way so no need to feel so dearly scared of not being able to smoothly move on (= on single piece of thin hair).
Thank you dear Lil’ Kitten for connecting me with Pauline and Alexis during this limbo.
I hope I can meet you oye kitten, Pauline and Alexis. God bless you!
Penang – June 15, 2015 – 11:59pm
Second biztrip to Kuching, to see kucing*….
I also visited Semenggoh Wild Centre (for orangutan), Gua Angin (Wind cave), Serikin (a market in the border of Sarawak with Indonesia where a market is served by Indonesian traders only – Indonesia banget boooow), boating in Sarawak River. Hope to see you again next time – next year eh?
Cats in the city centre
Cat family
The boat heading to parliament building – enggang bird
Shy sunset
*kucing = cat
hhonors – May 24, 2015 – 12:31am
In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “Wall.”
Walls are massive construction that will keep you separated from the other side of them. Once you can penetrate the walls, you can discover what’s the secret….. But, why so curious? You are in the inside: whichever side you are in, that’s where the other siders want to know. Be there, the walls don’t mean anything. 🙂
Of my collections, I have some wall pictures: inn ancient buildings that have shown sustainability. Artistic, precise and long-lasting….. in new buildings that shown simplicity. Simple, short-timed but still beautiful…..
A cement wall with oblong portholes, decorated with cat’s butt
A wooden wall with glasses, as background of grooming cat – small praying house
A stone wall with relief, Borobudur
Granite walls of Nagoya castle – Japanese precision
A stone wall – precision composed in roughness front gate of nagoya Castle
Temasek – March 14, 2015 – 6:21am
It is not Greek from the Europe.
She is our beautiful Greek and our handsome Greg – two cats our ours raised by my family.
The most beautiful girl and handsomest guy in our humble abode….
One female and one male felines that share their happiness and joy with us in life.
Greek, thanks for your cheerful hello when we get up, for your quick snatch when we throw the rope, for innocent look when we don’t give you enough, for your touch with the fur when you want even more rubs, for everything making us smile and (pretend to be) upset….
Mew…. Your soft voice, Greek….
Saw her and her caretaker last holiday
Meow! Wow, stronger voice: that is Greg, the one replacing Bob
enjoying day after lunch
Greg, now one-eyed has been a tough guy in our family – his right eye was attacked by virus and late treated. He’s been with us since Bob was still here.
Greg behaves calmer than Greek. He won’t hop or jump or run in front of me. He is just sitting, licking his whole body over, mewing strongly and more loudly. And, he eats more easily even finishes Greek’s leftover. They have different plates for sure but the same bowl of water.
Greg doesn’t sleep at home. He is a tom and strays around at night for female feline; he stays home when it rains very heavily — dining chair is his favourite. Greek is staying home almost 60% of her day — sometimes at the porch, beds, chairs, corner of mom’s study.
Both are loved as loved as the human around…. And be thanked as thanked as the whole Universe….
Thanks for the humans around who take care of them 🙂
under the shade of drying frame
Bob, the grand predecessor 🙂
Singapore – January 11, 2015 – 2:10pm
Just logged in to youtube and found that mugumogu uploaded another video of Maru and Hana just three hours ago. This pet owner has uploaded many of Maru the cat and Hana, Maru came earlier and Hana joined the gang just recently. Seems that mugumogu treats those cats like her own kids.
Those two cats have brought joy to this life, showed humans how fellow creatures should live together in harmony, enjoyed now&here to the fullest. Not easy (for me for sure) but it’s doable.
Here is the latest post meant…
Makati SRL, November 23, 2014 – 5:56pm
I saw a gracefully-moving goose, swimming…. Not swimming, she was paddling her feet below the water to show me that life is beautiful but with circulating movement of inner power. How do human being look so calm but struggling to reach the other end of their journey which is at the same point is the start of another trip….
Picture borrowed from http://ibc.lynxeds.com/photo/swan-goose-anser-cygnoides/swan-goose
I saw then played with a bear. The eyes are soft so intriguingly contradictory with his sharp claws and teeth. Oye, Mr. Bear…. Please hug me in your huge warm body to feel that your heart is distributing love to your real existence through your eyes…. Your claws are the only tools to survive from others’ attack. Your strength is ultimately powerful to pump your core of love to my life, your strong boundary shares my selfishness of being a spiritual being – I will never want others to dictate my spiritual journey. You take the honey from my hands softly because you know that I only have heart full of love for you. I have nothing but love…..
Picture borrowed from https://addons.opera.com/en/themes/details/sweet-bear/
For me this life is a group of circling boundaries set by Mr. Bear; boundaries full with claws that have been defeated by his loving eyes…. Take the claws and del the love.
And, I saw a kitten…. Kitten, my baby….. Thank you for staying with me for quite sometime. You accompanied me when I was sobbing and curling near the lake. You sat next to me doing nothing except staring at me with full of questions:
“Why are you crying?
Don’t you know I am your angel?
Don’t you realize that you are my guardian angel?
What do you know about us?
How do you produce your tears? Are they from the bottom of your soul? Would you please teach me how to cry sincerely?
Soul, don’t you know you are beautiful and deserve to enjoy this blessed life? Soul, do you know that I will always be with you?
How would you stop crying of missing the real one, while I am here with you? Would you please hug me and whisper to my ears that I am your loved one?”
….
The kitten, he is now a sacred soul with me in this very world…. Thanks for being with me when I was weeping by the lake. Thanks for whispering to my spirit that you love me truly. My dear kitten, you are opening your Life and my Eyes…. Live love, Love…..
They sat with me by the lake where I saw the reflection of my spirit….
My dear Bob, now he is living in a real heaven with full of love all his life….
Singapore – July 7, 2014 – 10:57pm
I lost another cat of mine – Greece…. He is the cat coming to mom’s house in my latest visit to her. He came in early morning following our early cat, Greg who goes home every morning for breakfast. I sat on the front bench and Greece was shy, sitting under the bench – could not eat, too weak to do anything. He was skinny, with eyes closed and sticky with eye gunk all over….
Even after cleaning his eyes were still full of eye gunk
My mom as usual is not so keen with cat but then I decided to adopt him. So, I cleaned his eyes, fed him with fish + soft rice, brought him to vet for general checking on his body, his eyes and for vermicide drops. The vet said Greece’s fur motive is pretty – like Bengal cat. And, we took care of him well from then on. My mom showed better welcome. She loves cats actually – just her old age makes her weaker to get another one to nurse….
Ready for vet
I went back to Singapore – hoping to see Greece again in the near future – July maybe.
Better condition, he looked happier – he slept with me during my stay in mom’s home – about 4 nights
But he passed away…. He passed away yesterday – May 23 at 12:45pm.
My mom was also sad – did not want to tell me because I know she would not want to see me cry as I did for Bob’s death last February. The last message from her was that Greece puked and did not show up for 24 hours. When he got back home he was weak and ready for vet – but mom should wait for motorcycle to go. After that no news…. Until yesterday 6:14pm she just replied me through blackberry-messenger only when I asked her “How is Greece?”
“Dear, Greece passed away at 12:45pm today….”
Then I felt the loss again – not so big as when I lost Bob but it is strong enough to stop my mood to work.
Greece is my beloved after Bob. Greg and Greek are the next….
I learn a lot about loss and have always felt the power over me. It gives me courage to dive deep into my soul that I am connected to all beloved surrounding. If not connected, why should I feel the grief? And, shoo I be connected, what am I gonna do? Sobbing? Moving on and forgetting the passing-away? Or, marking it as another milestone of this soul path? The choice is here now.
But at the same time loss teaches me what love is really is. Love is always releasing beloved to go, to reach the next phase of life – even if the next is death.
Greece, you were with us not so long but has taught us how to cope with loss and how to love….
Mom shared with me how sad she is when remembering you and Greek followed her to aunt’s house and went back home tailing her when mom said “Come, come babies, go home…”
Thanks, Greece…. Let’s happily meet on another day in paradise.
Last condition before I went back to Singapore – healthier, happier, in fact ready to depart
YCK Rd – May 24, 2014 – 12:36pm
opening the door,
will I see you?
or, is it only your shadow? pretending to be you….
did I live with you? or with your shadow?
is it now that you are real or shadow?
tears flow, flowing along the path pushing through the door at the end.
what end? is there an end?
or a start? what should be started?
are you there?
welcoming me or welcoming my shadow?
am I real me or just my shadow?
just the two of us….
staring at each other – shadow to shadow?
I just hope you are the one behind the door….
Hilton KL – April 30, 2014 – 12:49am
Everybody makes mistakes…..
Can I deny that I do? The only thing I can do is to be able to forgive myself for all mistakes I have done in my life so far.
This is not easy to forgive others and even much more difficult to forgive my own self who have committed mistakes – many – of which part are planned. I don’t want to talk about the planned mistakes. Let’s just talk about mistake that is just mistake…..
My father passed away just one day before I got home. I planned to see him after so long I left my house for work in Jakarta. I was in a hard time adapting the cruel capital city that was blessing me with my first job after graduating from university. I was a secretary in a small company by then. My boss was a very pious person that treated all employees very well but then his company was not big enough to make me enough-paid to buy ticket to pay homage to my parents. So…. I had to save money for almost one year and of course to take a “decent” leave. I call it “decent” because I was needed badly to support other departments so that I did not dare to file for a leave at any chosen time.
That is my biggest mistake, it was almost unforgivable. I cease blaming on my self after so many years….. I cried when I remembered how painful it was to be poor and not able to pay a visit to beloved father who was sick and dying….. And, probably he was missing me so much. Please forgive me, oh my own self….
Then it happened again just this year.
Bob, my cat son was sick. I should have been able to pay him a visit. The ticket was affordable for me. It was just because the time did not allow. It took a long hour from Singapore to my mom’s house. From Changi airport I have to fly to Surabaya which is no problem at all, but from Surabaya to my mom’s house it would take 5 hours and so I have to spare at least 24 hours for the travel. I did not have that much time at that time…..
So, I let him die without me around…. This is almost unforgivable, too. I was sinking below all roots, could not see the beautiful flowers of my life in which those beloved ones nurtured before…..
Then….
I reconcile with my self.
What should I do? All is over.
My beloved father and son passed away when I was away. That might be what they wanted. They did not want me to see them die. They wanted me to just see how happy their life was when I was around.
They have always wanted me to commemorate their good days. They have always wanted me to celebrate our togetherness in a positive way. Like they have been saying to me “Be happy, Rike. We are always happy with you…. Celebrate our life with your good memories. Don’t cry for us. Smile for us. We will meet again in the next life.”
So then I tell myself softly that I should forgive my own self because my father and my son have forgiven me. They will never hate me just because I never touched their bodies before they were buried. Their souls have been surrounding me from then on, so they are never away because of being separated by the container called physical body.
Oye, Self….. Please cherish the love. Never forget that the soul can be communicated with even when the bodies are cremated or buried or decayed in unknown places….. Ask the souls to talk to you, listen to your explanation and apology, sincere apology.
It is never too late to realise.
Soul is always here. In the same matrix and ready to mediate.
So, please use the time while you are awake. Tell them how much you love them, how strong we are all connected and how big the sorrow will be if the forgiveness is not shared…..
Quezon City – March 4, 2014 – 9:37pm
My son Bob was a cat with soft heart. He would never quarrel except another cat attacked him. He would just groan and groan and groan but did not move from his spot. Only if the other tomcat jumped to him, would he fight to survive.
He would have a lot of reason to manipulate me. He would kiss my forehead, my nose, my lips or my cheeks to wake me up from my sleep to get whatever he wanted: food, drink or door to open.
Or, he would slip under my blanket to slew comfortably, only some time then he would climb out of the blanket and sleep above me. He would snore and spread his purring beautiful sound bringing peace into my small bedroom.
When you grew older, you did not want to cooperate since you had better life outside with your fellow cats. You always scratched the door to go out and it was always at 1:00am…. But for the sake of love, I opened the door for you, Bob…..
You loved perching on TV as if you were the God of (modern) Cat…. Lovely boy! You are always able to steal my heart, Bob.
When you were sick, you didn’t moan. You just take a silent position and keep the pain in you. I could not help except giving you the best food and medication which was probably not really the best for you…. I tried hard to keep you next to me, your soul next to mine.
Then I had to leave Indonesia to pursue my dream…. I cried happy but sad…. I was given a chance to make my self more experienced in life but then I had to leave you. Could I? Who would take care of you, Bob? I had to make a hard decision. I brought you to my mom’s house – she did not have a soft spot for pets indeed.
I knew you were so sad, leaving your home…. But you trusted me that you would find another home. And, yes my mom fell in love with you.
I visited you when I had time to sneak out of my hectic days – some leave or long weekend really helped us to meet up…. You looked happy, Bob. We had good time…. I fed you, stroked you, kissed you, hugged you, cuddled you, took picture of you, took care of your body which grew older….
My mom always said “Bob is a human, he understands how to love, he is more loving than some humans who destroy others’ happiness. Bob has given us a lot of joy…. Thanks God for everything.”
He likes to daydream in the terrace, looking at the other cats that were enjoying his food left-over. Too much to throw away, good to share with other cats…. 🙂
There was a time, we really got angry because of how people treat him. So cruel…. Beat him, splash him with water, hurt him in any way they like just because those neighbours hated cats. But Bob was too weak to counterstrike. He just went home with the wound then we would lovingly treated him until he got well. We loved you, Bob and we do and will always do.
Then came a message that you were sick, puking all food you ate. Eating then puking two hours later; that was a pattern. My could not do anything. Nobody would help to take her to the vet. She lives in a village where people are busy taking care of their own poverty – there was no thinking of getting medication for animal.
Plus my mom was so busy taking care of my sick sister. I am sorry, my son Bob. We had been so occupied by our humane life that we did not take a good care of you humanely. I am sorry, we are sorry.
My mom said Bob stayed at home since Friday (Feb’ 21) until today when she found him dead on the floor of one cool bedroom – it is where I slept when I was still staying with my family. It is the coolest room in the house.
I don’t want to remember how he died. I want to remember how he lived.
He lived as a son of mine, bringing me joy and a lot of blessings. He has been sacrificing his free will to be my family member. He was so willing to share his pureness with us. He shared his sincere soul to grow among us. He inspired us with love and sincerity. He let himself be part of the madness of human in our life. You gave us love, Bob…..
I released you with all my heart.
I heard a voice calling my name last night “Rike” and I just thought it was you telling me that it is time. You called me to give a sign…. I should not have been afraid, I should have remembered you who was trying to open the door “home”…..
Now you are home, Bob. It is the real home. Your body is buried but your soul is forever, here guarding me from any not-loving and insincerity. Thank you, son. Thank you for being flower of my soul. I know I am so heartsick, ibu* is so sad, too…. You know it, right? We know you know it. But you smile because it was your time. Time to go home, where we will also go to be together. Play, boy…. Play with the fragrance of flowers among the cats that can fly high to reach the Source without mourning.
I am sad for I was not with you when you were dying. But I know you know how much I love you. The pictures above are tokens of our relationship son – mother of cat. Hope you care to share your joy with the other souls who have gathered in the other side…. Or, even you care to share with the Source how you have made us accept life as it is.
Bob, you are always in our heart. Even the sweet memories have just started on Feb’ 25 when I heard the message that the bodily Bob died and the soul is wrapped in silk and put in a pretty basket embraced by a pair of sacred angels to the heaven.
Jakarta (Grand Hyatt), February 25, 2014 – 10:21pm
rike jokanan 
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