Category: Poetic

Forgiveness (ranting)

Learning, Poetic, This Person

Forgiveness, my love
Blooms among showers of love
Coming out of love.

I became very upset yesterday after listening to some statements that in my perspective was sarcastic and on the contrary to what I personally saw. Most people laughed though.

Then what came across my mind was that person was trying to tell me secretly through a “townhall” that I was not the chosen one. It is normal to be excluded or canceled or rejected/ but should be with dignity not giving silent treatment; and with consistent treatment not “saying this here, giving hidden messages there”– personal or professional, that is not a right way to treat people.

My day was so ruined. What made it worse was a heavy rain came unpredictably that I had to travel longer from Johor to Singapore because of traffic growing jammed in both countries’ immigration gates.

But then I talked to myself last night. What is so special about me that I should be the chosen one? Why not accepting what was securely? Why was so upset to statements that might have been intended to tell me the truth? Hurting truth is better than late one, right? Or what about if that was just a way to tell jokes?

It took me long to re-digest the why: I was using the 5-Why method to trace back possible root causes with no result.

Out of the blue an iMessage with a beautiful song came from a Coldplay lover saying that it was sent to me because the song reminded that person of me. Wow! What a coincidence! Exactly when the iMessage came, I was playing exactly the same song sent to me.

And that the song reminded that person of me must have had a reason: maybe the quality of either the music or lyrics of the song is so me? 🥹

Why this song? Maybe the song vibe represents my “feeling good and like falling in love all the time”. Hmm…. This must be something.

I opened the Holy Book randomly and got another good vibe; a verse started with a sentence: “hold to forgiveness”.

What a stroke of good colours has been thrown to me!

Ok, my day!

I will do all my laundry and house cleaning chores today, cook my breakfast and eat it happily, then go to sleep like a log tonight then tomorrow I will walk 5 kilometers in the morning or go biking 11 kilometers in the afternoon.

Yosh❣️

Thank you, Gusti Allah….

I forgive myself. I forgive others. I forgive myself for letting my mind be filled with negativity about myself and others. I forgive others who have been so out of context or being ignorant.

What song sent by that Coldplay heavy lover? Here it is.

thank you, KM-san! i think you’re right that i deserve to be a heart full of love and a person spreading good feelings

i don’t want to give up; i’ve worked hard to shape a loving heart up to this level — will never let go of my true self

❣️

I Love Who I Love

Learning, love, Poetic

I love who I love
Through the existence of yours.
I am to comply.
There's only one rule applied:
Wholeheartedly or forced, done.

title of my tanka is inspired by none but part of Coldplay’s Jupiter

That planet never stops inspiring me. Thanks, Jupe.

there is one verse in the Quran that i could finally accepted when i reached 40:

arra’d #15 “and to God prostrates whoever is within the heavens and the earth, willingly or by compulsion, and their shadows in the mornings and the afternoons”

even when at the beginning i felt forced to accept what was, i finally found that i was saved through being forced while i was struggling declining what was

it’s like swimming in a river flowing sometimes so calm making journey so enjoyable, sometimes forcing and surging making it hard to believe;

just flow, my dear self

all is in the name of love

💗

Desiderata: Words for Life by Max Ehrmann

Learning, Poetic

Desiderata is a word familiar to my ears and heart that today started echoing again in my realm of awareness after Dave Hendrik and Iwet Ramadhan brought out this poem in their morning chat. Thank you for the reminder and sharing! Their today’s chat (after I listened to the full rebroadcast) was like telling me to be careful with my own thought — jangan GR, Rike.... 😎

Desiderata is the plural form of desideratum (English word) that means something that is needed or wanted.

Desiderata in this context is a prose poem by the American writer Max Ehrmann. A prose poem is a format of creative writing that combines elements of the poetic form (especially the diction) and the prose form (especially the punctuation). It is a format that I sometimes use to describe photos under my poems – using punctuations and paragraph of prose while making the diction poetic. Beautiful!

Desiderata is truly a beautiful prose poem! Thank you, Max Ehrmann.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Home Sweet Home

Learning, love, Map It!, Poetic, This Person

Dear, dear Beloved.
There's a space all dearly miss.
It's a home sweet home.

I’ve tried inserting Jogja between my schedules since forever and now it is a dream-come-true.

There is a long to-do list for Jogja this time: checking if the orchids have rooted to the tamarind tree, eating gudheg, drinking ginasthel (legi, panas, kenthel = sweet, hot, thick in Javanese) tea prepared by my 90-year-old aunt, talking about my garden-to-be with my cousins, going watch Papermoon Puppet show and meeting up with batik artisans.

Yet to make it simple let me call it a not-so-short-but-not-long-at-all getaway to take care of my home project and to breathe the sweetness of village air.

Care to see my plan?

Here it is. Boring? That’s so me! 😊

Oct 25 (Friday)

  • 9:45am arriving in Yogyakarta International Airport
  • noon to afternoon: visiting humble batik artisans: Ibu Tien and Mbak Izzah (any kind of sogan batik) in Imogiri then Mbak Fitri in Kasihan (batik nitik)
  • evening: eating gudheg
  • night: checking in and talking with Mbak Roh (permanent partner in crime in Jogja) on random topics until we fall asleep

Oct 26 (Saturday)

  • whole day with architect (Mbak Novi) in her gallery, my home then finally to Papermoon Puppet Theatre
  • evening: eating gudheg (again?) and whatever
  • night: talking with Mbak Roh, Mbak Endang and Agnes on random topics until we fall asleep

Oct 27 (Sunday)

  • whole day enjoying my aunt’s tea and home cooking in my father’s childhood home in Menoreh Hills
  • evening: eating gudheg (again??) and whatever
  • night: talking with Mbak Roh on random topics until we fall asleep

Oct 28 (Monday)

  • 9:45am flying back to Singapore

I usually either give free class or tell stories to children in a small library in Bambanglipuro, but time doesn’t allow though. Skipped! Sorry, kids…. We love you, but I need to manage adult things this time. Next time ya….

Can’t wait to be home…. Jogja, please warmly welcome me like always.

loving the blue sky! view from the backyard-garden-to-be (June’s doc)

From Johor with love….

Happy In The Rain

Learning, love, Poetic

Happy in the rain,
She's throwing smiles to the cloud.
Rain sends smiles to her.

yellow symbolizes happiness

don’t wait for external causes to celebrate life — rain can be a trigger to flooding anger within or simply a trigger to remind us that there is freshness within ready to dance

Generosity

Learning, love, Poetic

Love teaches me to be generous
Of admiration and hopes and dreams.
However, fear drives me to be stingy
Of admiration and hopes and dreams.

You're a pendulum I'm hugging, Beloved
Swinging me from
Love to
Fear.

I know my wish won't change anything.
You constantly move to balance
Your own generosity,
And my imbalance is just a side effect, 
Not your fault--

I'm almost drowning,
Your stream is so strong.
I'm more and more deeply pulled
To where I belong:
A smile of generosity,
Where love is abundant,
Fear dormant.

letting go is making sure love is abundant and fear dormant

Missing Home, Always

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

It's humble,
Warm,
Spacious,
Fragrant,
Sweet,
Loving,
Beautiful and
True
As this heart.

My home....
I miss
You.

this song depicts how i love my perfect home to be — i miss Jogja

November, please give me just one weekend to be there then i will be a prisoner again until next slot that you wholeheartedly give

❣️

Be True

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

Be true
Being true
True
Self

Thank you, dear life for being so true to me and teaching me how to be.

I felt so heavy this morning. After swimming, I continued preparing a line of chores that were not finished last night. Yet when doing the laundry and some kitchen things, I was “attacked” by a feeling of broken heart and anger that didn’t seem to be from my own experience– I’ve been so in love and blessed recently.

I remember that what we feel is not always who we are, there might be others’ negative energy around us that with heaven knows what reasons the energy attaches to us. So I stopped for a while: talking to myself, talking to my best friend, posting some funny videos to my instagram then meditating for a while. And tada! My mother called me giving me some news about this and that happening around her.

No wonder I’ve felt so heavy and broken hearted.

Now I know I am not broken hearted.

I am filled with so much love and flowing it to those knowing how to appreciate it.

I promise to be always true to this true self and to those true to it.

May all beings be happy.

💗

Liberated

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

Liberating love
Makes her fly high to the sky
Seeing a blessed heart.

the ultimate love is that that liberates

listening to this song feels like liberated in love

💗

Locked

Learning, love, Poetic

She's locked, Beloved,
Under radar of a plane
Showering much love.
No mercy. Between nervous
And happy, she's humming tunes.

love can be as cruel as rain of missiles bombarding a quiet village in a peaceful night — hope i don’t die in misery

🥰

Sometimes

Learning, love, Poetic

Sometimes
I ignore the name
When I know it is the same.
Dear
You, 
How your beauty and majesty
Has encapsulated me
In one existence called
Life!
Now I can only choose either
To love or
To leave.

they call it “Mie Kari” in KL, it is “Laksa” in Penang 😘 in Singlish it is called “same same but different” 😁

If

Learning, love, Poetic

If flower's singing,
Dandelion does the best.
She wishes to heart.

dear dandelion, bring my rhythms to my love and let my love decide the rhyme

i wish one sweetest rhyme is chosen from the very heart resonating mine

💕

Ripples

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

Water is splashing
Once fallen on to surface.
Lace of ripples be--

negatively perceived by others is not something new for me; many human beings don’t believe in good will or good intention simply because they are trying to protect themselves from being robbed — they think others being kind to them is a strategy to take their power or their money

i’ve met some people accusing me of being kind to rob their money or power; i never explain about my good will or intention and just continue being kind — if they finally recognize the kindness, it’s good for them for knowing kindness; if they never do, it’s good for me for being protected from stupidity

i only want to cause ripples of kindness in my life

Ripples

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

It is what you do
Bringing deeds. And so you do,
Do through sweeter heart.

i was tired of being a wicked energy in one side of life, so i decided to be a sweeter softer heart in all sides of life — whatever they say….

💕

Today’s Done

Learning, Poetic

Today's done, my love,
With a bunch of reminders
To always believe.

i’m not a religious person but in my opinion holy book (whichever it is: the Quran, Bible, Torah, Vedha, etc) is one reference of layers of truth that at least can put some ease on mind when i feel like wanting to disbelieve

when traveling i usually bring a small paperbook Quran to flip and read after work before sleep; this time i don’t because in some countries like Indonesia and Malaysia hotels lend Quran by request from the guest

today i borrowed one from the hotel as i really wanted to touch Quran pages to find some solace

this shows me how fragile a human being can be to face daily life challenge at the same time how simple human being can be cured from the fragility

thank you

💝

Thank You

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

Thank you, dear weekend
For slapping my face with waves
That clear busy mind.

in the middle of a book that i picked in Sep 2023 and started reading in Sep 2024

soon completed

one big note within my reading which i am sure will stay until the end of the reading: always start with why except in loving someone, when you love someone with a why, you will find another why and finally you have no reason to love that someone and you’ll go back to your meaningless emptiness — know that only love never needs why

thank you, Truth for giving me so big a heart that contains so little to no why for loving, and so big a mind that contains unlimited why’s for knowing life

have a weekend, take a breath and set new days

i beg mercy from You, The Truth — set me free ASAP from heart congestion and mind unclarity

duh Gusti…. 😘

A Door In A Home

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People
She thought
The door was open ajar
And so she stepped forward
Then she found
It was never ajar,
It was unclearly welcoming,
Playing true heart,
Causing a burning pain.

It was a glass window
Protecting a door
That was never open--
Neither for her
Nor for anyone
Probably--
Some home is designed
To lure hope
Just to damage true trust.

She decided that
It's her fault
And mindfully she's to be careful
As her heart won't
Bear the cost of
What's not true
Anymore.

stand in front of a door that is finally found never open for me, time to go within

it is my first time, very first time to find that a heart can show me so overwhelmingly huge clear admiration and hope but then cause me to free fall ridiculously

maybe i did something really bad to that heart in my previous life

dear, love — i don’t want unclarity next time; i don’t want false alarm; i want only clear mind and genuine intension

lesson is learnt in many ways; i thank life for teaching me so much love — this time love that has no clarity about its own self

thank you, love for giving me clarity about myself and about you

💕

A Gift

Learning, Poetic, This Person, Those People

A gift, Beloved,
Wrapped or unwrapped, it will be
Blessings to both sides.

today i met my Tapa Brata room mate, she is a sister in this spiritual and medical journey for me; while she is much younger than me, she is tremendously more advanced in what we both are doing — today she wrapped me a silver jewelry that i right away wore to go dinner with her in PS

thank you for this pretty gift, FO

Better?

Learning, Poetic

She asks what's better
Today or next life? The same--
If it is the same.

what can be better than tempe with good friends around? both are at the same level of comfort

💕

Blessed

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

She's blessed, Beloved
In the name of none but love
By those knowing love.

almost done with the packing — short getaway somewhere connected with 1-week biz trip to KL

i’ve been in good mood

this was the first time i was kissed and hugged by the CFO of a company after a closing meeting — she said she had heard my name from other counterparts in other branches and she liked the way i defended my standpoint; or, probably she was just being a mother who remembered her daughter

thank you, YW; you are blessed

Scared Away

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

She is scared away
By all silence thrown to her.
Going back within--

sometimes work is the only heaven when undivided attention distracts me from other disturbances

today is the last day of audit in one supplier near home then i will complete packing to fly early tomorrow morning — i don’t know if the meet-up will happen (i heard the person will go somewhere else with someone else); if not, at least i know whether or not this is my way

💕

Soaked and Refreshed

Learning, Poetic, This Person

I just wanna be
Soaked and refreshed in your love.
Fun in solitude--

evening swim is nice with splashing sound and unseen shadowy fellow swimmers — soaked and refreshed in solitude is a privilege

Dreamseeds

Learning, love, Poetic

Dreamseeds, Beloved,
Land only on a warm heart
That does what it says.

if i were a fairy, i would fly with the dandelion to plant seeds of dream so all good heart can sing only guileless love songs

Thank You, My Morning

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

Thank you, my morning
For giving my passion back
After short suicide.

the lagoon pool this morning, its splashing sound competing with the traffic picking up was the background when i called my mother after my morning walk

my mother is sometimes too worried about me then she says “you’re too active”; she’s not exactly right — yes i swim every 2 days, walk 5km every 2 days and bike now and then but i see others run, hike the mountains, box (some of my Filipino colleagues do), etc

so i told my mother just now that i will keep being active if this is what she calls active as this is what makes me greet my morning with positive vibes everyday

i don’t want to waste my time by doing what those in despair do

and she always tells me “don’t forget the routine fasting but eat more” — what?! mother…. a woman that annoys you but you can’t stop loving her

terima kasih, my morning & ibuku sayang