Home Sweet Home

Dear, dear Beloved.
There's a space all dearly miss.
It's a home sweet home.

I’ve tried inserting Jogja between my schedules since forever and now it is a dream-come-true.

There is a long to-do list for Jogja this time: checking if the orchids have rooted to the tamarind tree, eating gudheg, drinking ginasthel (legi, panas, kenthel = sweet, hot, thick in Javanese) tea prepared by my 90-year-old aunt, talking about my garden-to-be with my cousins, going watch Papermoon Puppet show and meeting up with batik artisans.

Yet to make it simple let me call it a not-so-short-but-not-long-at-all getaway to take care of my home project and to breathe the sweetness of village air.

Care to see my plan?

Here it is. Boring? That’s so me! 😊

Oct 25 (Friday)

  • 9:45am arriving in Yogyakarta International Airport
  • noon to afternoon: visiting humble batik artisans: Ibu Tien and Mbak Izzah (any kind of sogan batik) in Imogiri then Mbak Fitri in Kasihan (batik nitik)
  • evening: eating gudheg
  • night: checking in and talking with Mbak Roh (permanent partner in crime in Jogja) on random topics until we fall asleep

Oct 26 (Saturday)

  • whole day with architect (Mbak Novi) in her gallery, my home then finally to Papermoon Puppet Theatre
  • evening: eating gudheg (again?) and whatever
  • night: talking with Mbak Roh, Mbak Endang and Agnes on random topics until we fall asleep

Oct 27 (Sunday)

  • whole day enjoying my aunt’s tea and home cooking in my father’s childhood home in Menoreh Hills
  • evening: eating gudheg (again??) and whatever
  • night: talking with Mbak Roh on random topics until we fall asleep

Oct 28 (Monday)

  • 9:45am flying back to Singapore

I usually either give free class or tell stories to children in a small library in Bambanglipuro, but time doesn’t allow though. Skipped! Sorry, kids…. We love you, but I need to manage adult things this time. Next time ya….

Can’t wait to be home…. Jogja, please warmly welcome me like always.

loving the blue sky! view from the backyard-garden-to-be (June’s doc)

From Johor with love….

I’d like to watch you sleeping (Sal Priadi)

sometimes you just need to sleep for one whole day when becoming not well

Batik Ceplok Godheg

Happy National Batik Day, dear Indonesia.

Godheg means sideburns in Javanese. Why is this batik named godheg, we can just assume that this is meant to highlight the value of sideburns when this batik pattern was composed.

Mbak Izzah could not give me exact answer when I asked her the meaning behind this batik. So like usual my wild creativity run to every nook and cranny of my imagination.

I remember my father liked to have nicely trimmed but rather thick sideburns. He said a man with sideburns looked handsome and masculine. He then said “Ini Bapak ganteng ya, Rike.” (Your father is handsome, Rike). I was mute not agreeing or disagreeing with his statement — admittedly my understanding about sexuality grew a bit later compared to my cheerful peer. Our mother always laughed teasingly when he gave himself compliments. We children just laughed as solidarity to those adult in love. 🤪

So honestly taking my father’s words (before further research) I claimed that batik Godheg was brought into existence by heaven knows which bloody Javanese man to celebrate the masculinity of the man wearing it.

By then Javanese men of high social and/or economic ranks who were definitely able to afford this batik would wear this pattern (Godheg) to attend functions or parties where they could show personification of masculinity in his class.

a pair of batik Godheg from Ibu Tien

matur nuwun, Ibu Tien — see you on either Oct 25 or 26, 2024 insya Allah

Browsing, I found one interesting article about sideburns in Javanese culture. It says that sideburns symbolise masculinity in traditional Javanese. Please allow me to include some excerpt below.


Jambang: Simbol Maskulinitas dalam Budaya Jawa

by: Lagan

Jambang, a traditional Javanese facial hair style, has long been a symbol of masculinity in Javanese culture. This unique style, which involves growing a mustache and beard, is not merely a fashion statement but a reflection of the wearer's character, social status, and spiritual beliefs. This article will delve into the significance of Jambang as a symbol of masculinity in Javanese culture.

The Historical Significance of Jambang

Jambang has a rich history in Javanese culture. It is believed to have originated from the ancient Javanese kingdoms, where it was worn by kings, nobles, and warriors as a symbol of power and authority. The style was also associated with wisdom and maturity, as it was typically worn by older men who had achieved a certain level of social status. The presence of Jambang was considered a sign of a man's ability to lead and protect his family and community.

Jambang and Javanese Masculinity

In Javanese culture, masculinity is not solely defined by physical strength or aggression. Instead, it encompasses a range of qualities such as wisdom, patience, self-control, and spiritual strength. Jambang, with its association with maturity and wisdom, perfectly embodies this nuanced understanding of masculinity. Men who wear Jambang are seen as embodying the ideal Javanese man, who is not only physically strong but also emotionally and spiritually mature.
The Spiritual Significance of Jambang

Beyond its social and cultural implications, Jambang also holds spiritual significance in Javanese culture. It is believed that the facial hair serves as a medium for spiritual energy, connecting the wearer to the divine. Some Javanese men even believe that growing a Jambang can enhance their spiritual practices, helping them to achieve a deeper level of meditation and connection with the divine.
Jambang in Modern Javanese Culture

Despite the influence of Western culture and modern fashion trends, Jambang continues to hold a special place in Javanese culture. Many Javanese men still choose to grow a Jambang as a way of connecting with their cultural heritage and expressing their masculinity. The style has also gained popularity among younger generations, who see it as a unique and stylish way to express their individuality and cultural identity.
In conclusion, Jambang is more than just a facial hair style in Javanese culture. It is a powerful symbol of masculinity, embodying the qualities of wisdom, maturity, and spiritual strength that are highly valued in Javanese men. Despite the changes in fashion and cultural trends, the significance of Jambang remains deeply rooted in Javanese culture, continuing to shape the way masculinity is understood and expressed.

Usedul link: https://www.questionai.id/amp/essays-e7pHAwYIR69/jambang-simbol-maskulinitas-dalam-budaya-jawa

I can't deny my instinct SOMETIMES can catch something on point. Please excuse my frankness; simply fulfilling a need to self appreciation. 😎

Back to batik Godheg….

It is a ceplok (cluster) batik in which the same pattern is repeated to form clusters that fill the whole sheet.

handsome batik indeed!

There are 4 pairs or godheg (sideburns) in each cluster and another inner and the center with also 4 parts as the elements.

Why 4?

4 is papat or sekawan or catur in Javanese, which symbolises creativity, intelligence, victory or even gold.

What’s more luxurious for Javanese men who traditionally artistic, cultural, silently dominant and (who is not) proud to be rich who can take care of the family decently. No wonder this batik use a lot of number 4 as its detail.

Do the numbers of dots in the isen (additional ornaments to fill in the blank spots among primary pattern on the sheet) also bear meaning?

Ahem! This is where imagination should be let be free.

Number 1 or siji, sawiji, esa, eka, ika, atunggal, tunggal, setunggal, symbolises unity, priority, the start, the world, the sun, the moon, country or kingdom, the king (leader), etc connotatively related to one existing. If ancient Javanese learn that there are two moons for certain period of time, they might omit the moon from the list.

Number 6 is nem, enem, enem, sad that symbolises emphaty and sympathy, humbleness, wise and wisdom, highly educated or scholar, etc.

Number 8 is wolu, asta, manggala that symbolises benevolence, honored, high rank, etc. Dragon in Javanese culture is also connoted to number 8 – why? Heaven knows!

If I may challenge all Javanese men who still consider themselves handsome Javanese, please kindly refer to these numbers to project their perfection and to evaluate their existence. 🤩

Do I truly mean with all my description of number of dots in the batik? Don’t quote me, I am speculating about most of what I say about the meaning behind batik patterns. All those symbols are taken from responsible sources of Javanese tradition though; so the number symbols are legit.

Or probably to quote Mbak Izzah’s random words when she thinks my questions are too intimidating: “Maybe the batik maker wanted to put 5 dots and no other intention, Mbak Rike.”

🤪

Once again….

Happy National Batik, Indonesia❣️

Time for me to take a rest…. I will rise earlier to go across the strait to Johor at 5am tomorrow.

today’s apparel was batik skirt (from manually folded batik sheet) with red top to celebrate Indonesia’s National Batik Day

it is Batik “Nitik Sekar Kentang Bribilan Sogan Kerok”

💕

Happy In The Rain

Happy in the rain,
She's throwing smiles to the cloud.
Rain sends smiles to her.

yellow symbolizes happiness

don’t wait for external causes to celebrate life — rain can be a trigger to flooding anger within or simply a trigger to remind us that there is freshness within ready to dance

Secrecy (ranting)

I thought of since when I became so secretive. The answer is since I was young when “betrayal was unbearable” and as time goes by my guard has become higher and higher. Since then friend is just to share my good vibes and fun until now. Talking to best friends means talking about politics, ordinary people’s memes and videos; only three celebrities can be our serious topic of discussion: Dian Sastro (without doubt our sweetheart), Nicholas Saputra (her sweetheart) and Keanu Reeves (mine); other celebs are not important to us– more drama, less achievement. No love life sharing, no nothing❣️I prefer listening to being listened to.

I only have one bestfriend that I share more about my difficulty dealing with my mother ☺️ — mother-daughter relationship is very unique: so much true love at the same time some shade of jealousy. I don’t share too many problems to mother; I want to make her retirement peaceful and easy so everyday she js texting me at (my) 3am (her 2am) to inform me that she is going to pray for me and my siblings for so and so and later at (my) 5am (her 4am) to “Hello, my dear. Hope today your work is smooth and blessed. Always believe in God. Are you fasting? What’s the plan to cook for dinner?” The same routine from her and I will either text or call her at (my) 6am after morning prayer. I do my best to make mother laugh — my best story-teller ibu 😘😘😘

Ooops! What triggered me to think of being secretive? I work in a company where secret and being secretive is always listed #1 in working on projects. Keep it secret. Keep it low key. Confidential. NDA. Black project. Need to know basis. I have no idea. I am not in the team. Sorry I can’t share it with you. And the like, name it. “Shut up” is my daily routine. Ju….st before this lunch break I was reminded (for how many times heaven knows) to instruct my field team to sign several NDA before visiting some sites. Voila! And so I write!

Yes, being secretive is applied to my personal and professional life so it is never difficult to lock my mouth to anyone. Believe me or not; not many people know in what company I work — and that doesn’t matter. Not important where I am sitting, it is more important what I’ve contributed with what I’ve done– although the contribution is not publicly announced. I am highly trained to be a humble person– YES, I AM (oh…. this is not being humble by declaring being humble hahaha…). And a highly trained person to not meddle on others’ personal affairs. Public affairs are exempted as they affect my well being as a citizen and as a human being. 😁

My friends asked if it is not tiring to be secretive. No. It is as simple as closing the door of my house; locking my trunk everytime going out from hotel room, securing my Mac in the locked trunk when leaving without it, discarding my diaries when they are full (my diaries are writing and drawing), and making my social media account private.

The last one (making my social media account private) has been violated by myself. After archiving a lot of photos that mostly relate to my leisure activities with colleagues, my solo travel fun and my other activities with significant engagement from friends, I finally opened my instagram account with only 10% of the original to appear. Furthermore, I heard instagram will treat copyright of photos and videos like Facebook does so I plan to finally delete the archived as well.

Why opening instagram account to public?

My best friend told me to make a book review some time ago as we both like reading and she thought that my mind deserves some disclosure (although I should be careful because sometimes my thinking can cause discrimination and hatred against me). I want to train myself to show to public the external skin of my personality before finally sharing my book review. At least public should have a context of me aside from seeing my review; only those true self I will allow to know me better and best.

When will I share my book review? Damn! It is challenging! I’ve made some and they don’t suffice my own demand. I need to redo and redo and redo until one best one deserves my own criticism.

My next challenge is to reopen comment column in this blog but maybe it will also take forever to finally happen. I am not afraid of bad comments, so be it. I am just reluctant to reply to comments like how Michael Lai and Penumbra Haiku nicely reply to comments– those two are the only blogs I visit with excitement. As a matter of facts I am now having many pending comments to approve– I won’t probably approve them. 😁

Time to prepare some ingredients of what I will cook after work today.

once upon a time only the queen had the key to the old storage in the dungeon and she forgot where she put it

😊

Generosity

Love teaches me to be generous
Of admiration and hopes and dreams.
However, fear drives me to be stingy
Of admiration and hopes and dreams.

You're a pendulum I'm hugging, Beloved
Swinging me from
Love to
Fear.

I know my wish won't change anything.
You constantly move to balance
Your own generosity,
And my imbalance is just a side effect,
Not your fault--

I'm almost drowning,
Your stream is so strong.
I'm more and more deeply pulled
To where I belong:
A smile of generosity,
Where love is abundant,
Fear dormant.

letting go is making sure love is abundant and fear dormant

Missing Home, Always

It's humble,
Warm,
Spacious,
Fragrant,
Sweet,
Loving,
Beautiful and
True
As this heart.

My home....
I miss
You.

this song depicts how i love my perfect home to be — i miss Jogja

November, please give me just one weekend to be there then i will be a prisoner again until next slot that you wholeheartedly give

❣️

Be True

Be true
Being true
True
Self

Thank you, dear life for being so true to me and teaching me how to be.

I felt so heavy this morning. After swimming, I continued preparing a line of chores that were not finished last night. Yet when doing the laundry and some kitchen things, I was “attacked” by a feeling of broken heart and anger that didn’t seem to be from my own experience– I’ve been so in love and blessed recently.

I remember that what we feel is not always who we are, there might be others’ negative energy around us that with heaven knows what reasons the energy attaches to us. So I stopped for a while: talking to myself, talking to my best friend, posting some funny videos to my instagram then meditating for a while. And tada! My mother called me giving me some news about this and that happening around her.

No wonder I’ve felt so heavy and broken hearted.

Now I know I am not broken hearted.

I am filled with so much love and flowing it to those knowing how to appreciate it.

I promise to be always true to this true self and to those true to it.

May all beings be happy.

💗

Liberated

Liberating love
Makes her fly high to the sky
Seeing a blessed heart.

the ultimate love is that that liberates

listening to this song feels like liberated in love

💗

Growth (ranting) – continuously updated for completion

This morning I heard someone said that life is flat when not comparing or without comparison. Do I agree? I can say I disagree; yet I respect his different perspective of life.

Most people if not all want to grow. The ways they see the need of growth are different from each other. Some people feel the need through seeing other people’s position so they can feel better or worse. I have better this. I have more that.

Some other people feel the need to see their own position earlier to see their progress. I want to be better than me yesterday.

Some others will need to feel either better or worse simply because they have or not have sufficient self esteem. I am better than others simply because of having things better in some ways and worse of having not.

The others don’t care, they just be. Oh! Some are peaceful because of being so accepting: empowered; the rest are probably being angry for not (yet) accepting: ignorant.

Which one is me? I am swinging between comparing to me yesterday and feeling either better or worse without comparing. Is that bad? And what is my target?

I truly want to accept whatever I am facing as it is. As…. It…. Is….!

Whether it is good or bad, I don’t evaluate through those two adjectives. Oh maybe I am to be the last type in a peaceful state: just be. But no! Or, at least not yet. I am a human being and I still want to be imperfect until time calls me to meet the Perfect Perfect — as long as I am accepting my being imperfect human being, I will grow (hopefully to the right direction).

I’m a perfectly imperfect one compared to the growth itself. 😊

So, do I still disagree with comparing? Yes or no? Paradoxically yes, comparing is the lowest skill of self evaluation if not the lowest skill of strategic thinking. Look at below samples of comparing to see my point.

Simple question: how can you compare Keanu Reeves with your boyfriend? Even if Mr Reeves is much better than your man, will he be yours? Even if your boyfriend is better than Keanu, will he be a world star? The best way is to accept that romantically you are into one man, while idolizing Keanu Reeves.

One more question: how can you compare a small company run with a simply sustainable system and make the whole population happy and content with a giant company run with a robust system and make the whole population proud and dignified? The best way is to see if either system is corrupt or not.

Happy weekend….

i am nurturing my tree to grow, probably to outgrow myself — i can’t even compete my shadow 😊

thank you for the reminder

Locked

She's locked, Beloved,
Under radar of a plane
Showering much love.
No mercy. Between nervous
And happy, she's humming tunes.

love can be as cruel as rain of missiles bombarding a quiet village in a peaceful night — hope i don’t die in misery

🥰

Sometimes

Sometimes
I ignore the name
When I know it is the same.
Dear
You,
How your beauty and majesty
Has encapsulated me
In one existence called
Life!
Now I can only choose either
To love or
To leave.

they call it “Mie Kari” in KL, it is “Laksa” in Penang 😘 in Singlish it is called “same same but different” 😁

If

If flower's singing,
Dandelion does the best.
She wishes to heart.

dear dandelion, bring my rhythms to my love and let my love decide the rhyme

i wish one sweetest rhyme is chosen from the very heart resonating mine

💕

Ripples

Water is splashing
Once fallen on to surface.
Lace of ripples be--

negatively perceived by others is not something new for me; many human beings don’t believe in good will or good intention simply because they are trying to protect themselves from being robbed — they think others being kind to them is a strategy to take their power or their money

i’ve met some people accusing me of being kind to rob their money or power; i never explain about my good will or intention and just continue being kind — if they finally recognize the kindness, it’s good for them for knowing kindness; if they never do, it’s good for me for being protected from stupidity

i only want to cause ripples of kindness in my life

Ripples

It is what you do
Bringing deeds. And so you do,
Do through sweeter heart.

i was tired of being a wicked energy in one side of life, so i decided to be a sweeter softer heart in all sides of lifewhatever they say….

💕

Today’s Done

Today's done, my love,
With a bunch of reminders
To always believe.

i’m not a religious person but in my opinion holy book (whichever it is: the Quran, Bible, Torah, Vedha, etc) is one reference of layers of truth that at least can put some ease on mind when i feel like wanting to disbelieve

when traveling i usually bring a small paperbook Quran to flip and read after work before sleep; this time i don’t because in some countries like Indonesia and Malaysia hotels lend Quran by request from the guest

today i borrowed one from the hotel as i really wanted to touch Quran pages to find some solace

this shows me how fragile a human being can be to face daily life challenge at the same time how simple human being can be cured from the fragility

thank you

💝

Thank You

Thank you, dear weekend
For slapping my face with waves
That clear busy mind.

in the middle of a book that i picked in Sep 2023 and started reading in Sep 2024

soon completed

one big note within my reading which i am sure will stay until the end of the reading: always start with why except in loving someone, when you love someone with a why, you will find another why and finally you have no reason to love that someone and you’ll go back to your meaningless emptiness — know that only love never needs why

thank you, Truth for giving me so big a heart that contains so little to no why for loving, and so big a mind that contains unlimited why’s for knowing life

have a weekend, take a breath and set new days

i beg mercy from You, The Truth — set me free ASAP from heart congestion and mind unclarity

duh Gusti…. 😘

A Door In A Home

She thought
The door was open ajar
And so she stepped forward
Then she found
It was never ajar,
It was unclearly welcoming,
Playing true heart,
Causing a burning pain.

It was a glass window
Protecting a door
That was never open--
Neither for her
Nor for anyone
Probably--
Some home is designed
To lure hope
Just to damage true trust.

She decided that
It's her fault
And mindfully she's to be careful
As her heart won't
Bear the cost of
What's not true
Anymore.

stand in front of a door that is finally found never open for me, time to go within

it is my first time, very first time to find that a heart can show me so overwhelmingly huge clear admiration and hope but then cause me to free fall ridiculously

maybe i did something really bad to that heart in my previous life

dear, love — i don’t want unclarity next time; i don’t want false alarm; i want only clear mind and genuine intension

lesson is learnt in many ways; i thank life for teaching me so much love — this time love that has no clarity about its own self

thank you, love for giving me clarity about myself and about you

💕

A Gift

A gift, Beloved,
Wrapped or unwrapped, it will be
Blessings to both sides.

today i met my Tapa Brata room mate, she is a sister in this spiritual and medical journey for me; while she is much younger than me, she is tremendously more advanced in what we both are doing — today she wrapped me a silver jewelry that i right away wore to go dinner with her in PS

thank you for this pretty gift, FO

Better?

She asks what's better
Today or next life? The same--
If it is the same.

what can be better than tempe with good friends around? both are at the same level of comfort

💕

Blessed

She's blessed, Beloved
In the name of none but love
By those knowing love.

almost done with the packing — short getaway somewhere connected with 1-week biz trip to KL

i’ve been in good mood

this was the first time i was kissed and hugged by the CFO of a company after a closing meeting — she said she had heard my name from other counterparts in other branches and she liked the way i defended my standpoint; or, probably she was just being a mother who remembered her daughter

thank you, YW; you are blessed

Scared Away

She is scared away
By all silence thrown to her.
Going back within--

sometimes work is the only heaven when undivided attention distracts me from other disturbances

today is the last day of audit in one supplier near home then i will complete packing to fly early tomorrow morning — i don’t know if the meet-up will happen (i heard the person will go somewhere else with someone else); if not, at least i know whether or not this is my way

💕

Soaked and Refreshed

I just wanna be
Soaked and refreshed in your love.
Fun in solitude--

evening swim is nice with splashing sound and unseen shadowy fellow swimmers — soaked and refreshed in solitude is a privilege

Explaining Life Flow Systemically (ranting)

Living up to this age, I am still learning how to live more systematically while questioning if life shall be systematic.

As I deal with management system almost everyday, let me share how I see life as a structured process flow from one phase to another in a close loop cycle. Please note it is not always implemented in all part of life by me; why? Because I love experiencing life as a flowing river instead of 1-2-3-4 that feels like ordinal number sequence, it is fair enough to break the cycle rule once in a while.

What is breaking cycle rule in my version? Simply by twisting schedule from morning to evening, changing my playlist from jazz to Balinese rindik or Javanese gamelan to unknown music from instagram that I follow. That simple? Not always, sometimes I will just call my brother for 3 hours talking bloody unfunny jokes but still laughing together. I am boring because of not clubbing? Yes, and feeling enough with myself 😃

Perhaps because outside work I am a free spirit (in different way), rigidly binding me with too structured a way of life can make me suffocated; that’s why even (if) there is a systematic approach of management system flow applied to my life, I will still hijack my own system at certain moment to ensure that my life is a pleasant bliss, not a routine.

😃

it is not yet fully done, review in progress, debatable and not a proposal — it’s just a noisy mind of mine

💃🏽