Tag: blessings

Weather, Beloved
Changes with the wind and sun.
Different from my heart:
Stubbornly dances for you
Even when the rain falls hard.

rain stopped when i reached home (with my keys) but the cold was wrapping my wet body — after some light shower, i decided to cook my favourite oxtail soup (lucky i boiled the oxtail this morning – i am blessed with every luck)

who said blessings don’t come when someone is under the weather? the weather waves white towel to this person just because of a bowl of oxtail soup, a bowl of pomelo and plums and a bowl of yoghurt

trust the gut and even bad weather will turn to a sweet evening

The Keys

There are flying keys,
One right to open a door
To a heart that loves.

i left this AirTag attached to a group of keys (key card to apartment and block gates, unit door, bedroom door, locker, a drawer and another secret key) in my office desk and so i had to go back to office through the most accessible U-turn which is located right in front of my home compound….

….and it was raining cats and dogs!

how did i feel? one second of down then lucky the whole journey: what if my iPhone didn’t flash my left AirTag? i might have reached the gate and got nervous not finding the keys to open all doors

a tragic comedy of the keys attached to an AirTag

even a sad story can be a laughable

thank you, iPhone and AirTag

😁

Vulnerable

How can I be loved? Asked I.

She said:
There's no way out
But in;
To bravely expose
The beauty within
To the beast without,
To sincerely open
The beast within
To the beauty without.

Getting yourself observed,
Criticised,
Appreciated,
Evaluated,
Complimented,
Gossiped,
Praised,
Judged through
Word and look
As sharp as
Guillotine.

Being vulnerable
Is amazingly
Magical--
It gives victory
To an exhausted troop
Right before
They fall into an abyss
Of despair.

Be
Vulnerable,
That's the way to be
Loved.

whatever they say, i prance lightheartedly — my dreams are beyond what they think 💕

Refreshed

The sound of splashes
Echoing around a pond
Shows a frog refreshed.

home dinner gets me truly refreshed — not so much time to cook, so let’s eat raw then enjoy the music and books

❣️

You’re A Book

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

You're a book she's read,
Much to digest and absorb.
A witty preface--

i breathe books in everyone i meet; their life stories are all worth telling; some in secret, some in public — no one is unworthy

sometimes i can sense a dazzling story just by reading its preface; sometimes the preface doesn’t represent the helter-skelter conflicts within the book; sometimes a book simply puts me to sleep soundly

😎

Ripples

Your breath, Beloved,
Reaches me between my breath
And whispers your love.
You touch this heart through ripples
That moves dust from its surface.

clear and true 💕

Ripples

A tiny feather
Leaves a trace on still water.
Message to the calm--

be true

True

When love is set free,
It rushes out to fly true
To its home called heart.

be true

Silence

She can hear silence
Whispering rhythms through the wind.
She then writes the rhymes.

Rest

Get rest, Beloved.
You've raced with a packed schedule
That's tamed by weekends.

the drink is “Teh Botol Sosro” the most legendary bottled tea in Indonesia 😘

mini tumpeng for today’s birthday dinner (most components by me) – need to rest my hands after cooking; this weekend is gonna be biking to east coast

Good Morning

Learning, love, This Person

Good morning, dear self.
Fly my love across the sea
Where heaven's sitting.

RC Gorman’s work of art – i feel strongly Gorman knew exactly how it feels to be a not-married woman: dressing herself nicely, wearing herself comfortably, greeting environment sweetly, loving her own self dearly like loving her beloved

Birthday & Zodiac(s) (ranting)

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person

Happy birthday, myself.
Continue doing what you love.
If not, love what you are doing with commitment, discipline and some gentleness called love.
Know that every single deed be recorded in a ribbon coiling around you, reviewed and rewarded.
Know that however sincere and true you are,
You sometimes will be misunderstood
Even by those closest to you,
And sometimes explanation won't clear the way.
Just be true,
Be kind.
Or, walk out of the room for a while.
Enjoy your double-life: being one in the crowded road and the other in the silent pathway, always
With some sprinkle of love.
You are blessed.

A moment of happiness, you and I sitting on the verandah, apparently two, but one in soul, you and I. (Rumi)

I am 49 today….

….feeling blessed with what I’ve been given. #andnotgiven

….feeling good with by whom I’ve been surrounded. #andnotsurrounding

….feeling lucky that still looking younger than my age (said one selling me a life insurance and said ones selling me bright coloured dresses). #paradoxicallyblessed

When people say “age is just a number”, I’ve always disagreed. Age is counted with number to highlight various processes and stories along a linear line although to me life is never linear, it’s always inward spiral. Originally the phrase “just a number” is to comfort those afraid to age, those who think getting old is scary and less favourable. In fact, getting old is fun and blessed. I’ve never thought that I still can have fun at this age, responsibly do what I love to, go to places in bucket list (no backpacking), dress the way I love to, fall in love every single day with myself and those making me love myself more, look forward to dreams coming true, and a lot more. I am talking about getting old, not being dead– the latter is mysterious and I’m still not committed to be 🤓

What is the essence of getting old to me? Getting old is a journey ahead of total maturation of how a human being chooses to responsibly respond & tactfully react to given situations; and a journey back home to childlike sincerity within of how a human being playfully celebrates failures and successes of life. I refresh maturity each day, at the same time playfulness and candour.

When birthday comes, people like to remind me of me being Virgo, but am I truly a Virgo just because of being born in Sep? I am not sure, in fact Virgo is in both my sun and moon, my rising/ascendant is Aquarius and several other zodiac signs sit in the other houses in the chart. Actually yes I see at times I am a pendulum swinging from being “Virgo’s pragmatic approaches, worrisome nature and rigid ideas” to being “Aquarian’s free-spirit, living life one day at a time, enjoying here-now moment” and in between I am transiting in different zodiac signs in experiencing this precious life. By Chinese astrology I am a Rabbit. By Javanese astrology, oh sooo complicated!

Particular family members, friends & colleagues quote astrology to assure me that they know my personality when commenting about my behaviours.

“It’s because you’re Virgo so you are like this,” said they. “It’s because you’re a Rabbit so you are like that”. “It’s because you’re blahblahblah….”

Well, I respect their willingness to at least understand about me through the pseudoscience called astrology. They don’t judge with bare hands, they present something to my hands. Science or pseudoscience to me though must follow my conscience; their opinion might slip from between the pores of my existence, from between fingers of these hands.

Anyways, to my understanding about this self: I simply accept that this person called Rike is a combination of inherited & evolving DNA, family upbringing & social interaction, life experience & trauma, decided responses & reactions, hopes & dreams; which might happen in awareness or not, well organized or random. If astrology does matter, it is only part of all. Once a human being understands one’s self through one’s own self (in Javanese wisdom it includes but not be limited to “mawas diri” or self examination), astrology knowledge is just frills in a gown.

Please don’t get offended by my personal opinion, take it as a stupid if not humble one.

Whatever strong opinions about or labels given to me –how ugly or how grand– by other human beings won’t change the true me that I experience intimately. I won’t let those labels rob this intimacy. Even all identities I embrace dearly shouldn’t shake this intimacy. Those human beings labelling me and I are raw stones massively tumbled in a giant tumbling machine called life; we each other all hit, break, scratch, polish to finally shine and show the true colours of each of us. How painfully beautiful at the same time beautifully painful life is!

Thank you, Gusti Allah for this beautiful journey called human life.

I know you’ve had boundless repertoire of sweet surprises. Please give me wonderful time like always.

💕

The Lights

Learning, Map It!, Poetic

The lights, Beloved
Bring what dark has long hidden,
Disclose where to walk.

the structure in the picture is called The “Monument to Man” located on the hill above Chisholme House standing as an invitation to all of humanity to return to the origin of all love and to express it in the world

it is a tombstone of Bulent Rauf, a sufi master who founded the Beshara School where life is discussed and experienced through discourses and daily experience

i never thought that my inner journey would achieve its major disclosure in that remote place, far away from my home, poles apart from my culture

one friend sent this picture to the whatsapp group: the aurora borealis light on the “Monument to Man” — this brings my memory back to my stay there, a serene at the same time busy days

for 10 days i did a full day of work among the scheduled English morning & afternoon tea, breakfast, lunch and dinner — i celebrated my birthday silently, i kept it secret, and i felt so close to my own self, until now i believe all of us felt the same with what i felt and i wanted everyone to celebrate their serene days without distraction

since then i’ve committed to keep myself true to myself so i can be true to all; but what i do is just a little of it as i am not a saint, i am not either pious or religious, i am a sinner, i am a walking dirt but i want to keep my tiny spark shine within me and so it goes…. a human being in the making

💕

thank you

Planned

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person

If I'm asked to plan,
I'll plan colourful events
Where bravery rules.

plunge into ocean of possibilities – be brave, Beloved; you’ve failed and fallen, another plunge won’t kill

execute the plan to once again plunge into it and then…. done

💕

Rain

Learning, Poetic, This Person

It is now raining,
Water combs dust down the roof.
She's trapped in the cold.

rain, i have no chance to warm up in the roof garden so i just sit in a sofa wrapped in my warm knit poncho

rain, i love it but at the same time have to struggle with the cold in the air conditioned building

rain, stay as you wish

Guided

Guide me, Beloved
Traveling in this dark maze.
Keep my trust intact.

our work group is moved from building 1 to building 3 before later finally to building 2

how much ever we love building 1 (we all don’t like working in high floor), we must move as building 1 will only be used for new process bloody heaven knows what

what makes me rather ok with building 3 6th floor is that it has a “garden” that is very helpful for me who don’t enjoy low temperature for too long — today i stayed in the garden for 30′ to warm my body

it has some natural plant, but plastic grass 🙃

today was my 1st day in building 3 6th floor — i was lost going to toilet then guided by janitor, lost to pantry guided by unknown colleague, lost to find the lift guided by another unknown colleague

thank you!

Aging Wine (ranting)

Learning, Poetic, This Person

When this wine is aged,
Will it be smooth and pleasant?
Or acidic and weak?

If you ask me what I love the most about this body, without doubt I will say hair and eyes. I am given naturally pitch-black straight hair and deep sharp eyes. And now both really give me patience test.

My hair needs to be treated with more vitamin and tonic to stay strong and dyed (once in 4 months in certain part, not all) when insecurity comes for discoloured hair at the front left and right side of the head. My eyes demand glasses more often than before especially when reading.

Hell! In fact I can’t deny that there is a shade of insecurity of getting old. I understand aging is inevitable but when it changes some features loved the most, I am obviously offended….

My best friend and I often talk about aging and both of us accept and make fun of it. She is not interested in indulging her body, while I am once in a while so I will be the one telling her to keep the body relaxed and fit, while she reminds me to visit my physician and take the meds regularly. No, I never think beauty is the goal of physical treatment, it is always the health and comfort, while beauty sometimes comes as either a bonus or a consequence. And yes, I am against alteration of part of body for beauty; yet I respect those doing it.

Today I posted a photo in instagram and captioned it with two sentences about my fringe and insecurity, my best friend commented “camouflage is a key!” 😂

Hitting the core yet it is true! I will extend the coverage of fringe and probably have my hair coloured (maybe dark brown instead of black to remind me it is not natural) more frequently because I look tired with grey hair, while I want to look fresh both alone or with people. Someday though I will accept the grey hair sitting on my crown, maybe 10 years from now 😛

Getting ooooold. Congratulations! Wait until the time hits the age soon, Aging Wine! 😎

Rike, your grey hair (said they)…. i just smiled but then secretly extended the fringe 😎

my hair really tested me today: messy of wind and refused to be back to normal, stubbornly showing the world that they were against me!

The Best

Learning, love, Poetic, Those People

What's best, Beloved?
The one assigned to you now.
It's one and for all.

she is not the best mother compared to others, might not even better, but i think she is the best assigned to me

it’s great to talk to my mother now and then; please live healthy and longer, Ibu 😘

A Path to Destination

Beloved,
It is about whether or not
The path is walked.
Not about prediction,
Not about opinion,
Not about hurting or getting hurt,
Not about giving up,
Not about result.

This journey is
Mine.
The destination is
You.
The end is
Heaven knows.

Today’s dinner

please don’t judge hungry stomach — today was another reading, cooking and eating plus a bit of napping, laundry was missed and will be done tomorrow night after office 😎

this plate is a work of 3-hour labor of an amateur: potato perkedel (potato hash mixed with minced beef), fried rice with corn in Balinese sambal matah & teri kacang (my 1st attempt soooo challenging, too sweet, almost giving up, next time better with different recipe) – yay❣️

i made chicken soup for my own soul and my friend sent me sourdough from her bakery — alhamdulillah….

RAMBUTAN!!! 😍 exotic tropical fruit

Tell Me

It's confusing.
Tell me how
I should love
You.

Is it to shine
As a sun does?

Is it to glow
As a star does?

Is it to reflect
As a moon does?

Is it to pass by
As a comet does?

I'm none of those.
I am now loving
You as the space does,
It is to contain
Your existence,
Embracing what's all
In and about
You.

Tell me how
I should love
You.

RC Gorman’s work of art

My Life Is

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person

My life
Is a drop of dew
That glistens and freshens
The life of a sleepy leaf,
Woken up in a beautiful morning
To greet the sun.

I fall to the tip of a grass leaf
And break
Becoming
Spurt of water, so tiny
Enough to shower less than an inch of dry land
Then come through the soil gently 
Finding a way to the earth veins,
Traveling back to the sea.

thank you, life for always making me nod to the simplicity of accepting what is

Sweat

Sweat is
Either from hard work
Or from
Nerve.
Feel its particular heat and movement on the skin
To find which.

old that i love the most — i can’t count how many times i tripped and fell with her, just catching or sometimes racing with the wind; i wanted to give it away to my nephew but never happens as i so much love this powerful Blue

my frequent commute buddy when i am not on taxi or bus

colleagues who commute by bikes will shower (again) in the office before starting working because of sweating but i won’t

i let my sweat dry by the AC 😁

biking is in my blood, from elementary until senior high schools and sometimes in uni i did move around by bike — i only totally stopped riding bike when i was working in Jakarta where cars are more preferred even if the traffic is heavy

my friend was in biz trip in London and brought one home for me with much cheaper price compared to Singapore’s — new, lighter and brighter and fancier than Blue but sometimes too shiny for me to move around so she doesn’t get frequent outting; i’ll bring you out more, Red and maybe someday i will give you away to my nephew so you will be ridden more for functional fun

thank you, life for opening my eyes every now and then with or without sweating

A Book Is A Garden

Learning, life, love, Poetic

A book, Beloved
Soaks a soul in clean water.
Washed off and refreshed--

I read a book by Haemin Sunim, Love for Imperfect Things. It is second book from him I’ve read, the first was When Things Don’t Go Your Way. While the latter felt like diving into my own understanding of life– a set of confirmation of what I’ve done and/or understood in life; the currently read is like a playful garden to me, giving me more space to reinterpret my life based on Haemin Sunim’s point of view.

I’ve stopped reading “heavy books”, those that make me more intelligent with bunches of upgraded sciences and knowledge, more critical towards others’ (different from me), more analytical around my folks (outside work), more rigid in forgiving those “making mistakes”. I am now trying to dull the knife in my mind, I’d love to have curvy corners that will just give slight sensation without wound when bumping or bumped by my fellow human beings.

💕

Yes, I am now a weak book reader, but I am an avid reader of my own heart and life.

This book reminds me that I should be bonding myself to an anchor called compassion in life so whatever happens to or around me, it is always love and kindness that become my basis of judgement and decision.

thank you, Haemin Sunim — how grateful i am to have read this book

Most books I am now attracted to are fiction, short books, those illustrated, colourful, with picture collection. I read some biography but only of my favourite people (now reading Alan Rickman’s).

Not a fan of “self help” books either as I don’t need to be helped, just need to sit together with a company to listen and to be listened to.

every chapter is as powerful as decades of dripping water that forms a smooth hole on a rock 💕

thanks to my favourite person for recommending this book; i wish to see you soon 💕

Continuing reading Haemin Sunim’s next book–

A View

Good view, Beloved
Gives her bright vibe and clear hope.
Saturday fever--

the view in female outdoor pool shower — Saturday can’t be more fun and brighter with heliconia

Do You Mind Me To?

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person, Those People

If I'm to follow,
It's only to follow you.
Do you mind me to?

the sun, sunflower and a weekend

My Life Is Poetry