Tag: life

Yes, He’s My Teacher

Learning, Those People

Emha Ainun Nadjib (Cak Nun or Mbah Nun) is the only spiritual teacher that has been in my life since I was around 15 years old. I started reading his poems, articles, essays, etc in printed mass media by then. He was a social justice activist, an artist, an intellectual, a thinker, a columnist, whatever people called him. He was dubbed “Kiai Mbeling” (naughty religious teacher) at that time.

A lot of his analysis he made have happened every now and then. I’m one of the witnesses of all the political unrest that he did predict through data analysis & social sensitivity of his. Many people are late listening to them, late seeing them, missing a lot of facts that were his analysis. However, until today there are many disrespecting him.

Has he become angry because of the way he’s been treated? No! He knows. He understands. He always tells us to go with the God’s flow. Accept gracefully your life.

Once I asked for advice; I was in one of difficult times in life. He just said “Always flow with Gusti Allah, only that.”

Until now I’m still one of his students of life. I respect him for his humble life. He never has more than IDR100,000 in his pocket and he will try his best to give it away to anyone around him needing it.

In this very difficult time in our country we his circle so much miss him. He’d been tamers in many unrest even when the news was never out to the media.

Today he’s still weak and can’t be present physically to tame some important heads.

I personally pray that he soon stands up! Tell them, Cak Nun that this country is exhausted of the corruption & arrogance of greedy politicians.

Dear, God. Please grant our prayers.

Dear, Motherland. Please arrange a real peace for your children.

Amen.

☘️❣️🇮🇩💕

Cak Nun, it’s time! Please stand up & tell them to stop.

Views

Learning
A view, Beloved
It's what the light shows the eyes
And heart. Wish us luck...

If there’s about significant learning to me about relationship (not limited to romantic) recently, it’s about view & review. The way both sides can view something then review it together is another ingredient after agreement to meet.

The way I view life is always about how elements work in Mother Nature. The power that each element collaborates with me is more important than how I manipulate it. I flow with the natural move, I don’t want to move against the move; not only because it will be tiring, but it is also that the more I’m against the natural move, the more I’ll be away from the Center of my own self– a big no!

Political view is very important to agree in a relationship. I won’t be friends for long period of time with them whose political view is full with doubted integrity & impartiality to the needy. I just can’t.

My country is again boiling and this is when I can see how those I know (personally or by names) navigate themselves in this situation. Some are angry; I am, too. Some are very angry; I am, too. Some show their care. Some don’t want to show their partiality with different reasons– in this group I can sense things as simple as they are afraid or confused up to they are part of the chaos root causes (corrupt & ignorance).

A lot of opinions & discussions emerge with so many intentions. I’m reluctant to judge people’s intention or aim; so as long as what they are doing suits mine, I will not judge them negatively until they do what is against what they’ve conveyed.

What I do this time is to show my care & support to those on the street by at least reporting the online news to my social media account. As my Instagram is set private, my target is my family & friends; they should not be imposed to fake or irresponsible or expired or partial news. I hope what I do also build a good algorithm to myself & surrounding. I don’t want to harm those around me at the same time I don’t want to be a coward who is afraid just to show partiality to the underprivileged.

It’s not easy for us, the whole country. It’s not easy for each of us personally.

We hope our prayer of getting the real peace & integrity is answered soon.

Amen.

Dear, Motherland….

Would you please help us your children?

Dear, God.

Would you please end what’s not good in this piece of heaven on earth called Indonesia?

☘️💕🇮🇩

If

Learning, Poetic, Those People
If you were a king,
What would you be like, my love?
Would you let me know?

😎

☘️

🤪

☕️

💙

💙

🤯

🤣😘

💕

🤣🤣🤣😘❣️

Life Cycle of Love

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
It never dies-- Love.
It sparks then sparkles; no end
But milestones to mark.

preparing batik for myself

will name this piece “life cycle of love”

Beauty Today

Learning, life, love, Poetic, This Person
What's beauty today?
Ants partying in some blooms
For sweetness of life--

no, I don’t want to focus on what I experience as bitterness too long

why should I age with heavy burdens if I can live in my second half of my life with light heart (that’s if I live 100 years)

I will see bitter day just as a bitter gourd for me to carve to be beautiful garnish or to cook in nice recipe; or better seeing it as bitter dark chocolate 😘

I just won’t let others play around as they love to tease others fr sport; no! My life is too precious to waste just for those who think life is fun when wasted with no clear design 🥰

Beauty Today

Learning, love, Poetic, This Person
Beauty today, Love
Is about about colours and shapes
Softly touch the heart.

as close as I could, I felt a tap on my broken heart telling me “life is just like that, beauty lies on the tiniest part of your own heart, not others'”

at closer glance the colours gave me some soft touch on my heart who is longing for honest heart to talk about love, life with sufficient laughter

today I worked under a tamarind tree across a construction site and found a tiny beauty, a grass flower inviting me with its enticing colours

A Hope of Elden Soldiers

Learning
A hope that vanishes
With the forgotten true stories
Of the unsung heroes,
Those not buried with engraved tombstone

Dear, Elden Heroes
Who are taking a break from battles.
Wish us a basket of flower
Full of prayer summoning
The only thing left with Mother Earth:
Love that glows in the heart.
Wish us her love
That fades all selfishness away
Swiftly
Like the colours dissolve from a white fabric.
No trace of arrogance.
No trace of greed.
Only love.
Only care.
By everyone,
For everyone
Including 
The Elden Soldiers--

A poem for a piece of Mother Earth’s true love called Indonesia on her 80th birthday–

Thank you. You’re staying in this very heart that weeps for getting hurt over and over again yet keeping the trust in a journey called life.

💕

your promise to liberate your offspring’s life from all that occupy them was well done

would you say that what your offspring is doing to celebrate the victory is truly what you wished to be

dear, Elden Soldiers who have been either well-known or unsung….

Have You?

Learning, life, love, Poetic
I've asked myself all my life:
Have you ever thought what this life is for?
You're born. You die.
You struggle. You cry.
You suffer. You rant.
You're full. You sleep.
You're fulfilled. You forget.
You're numb. You're silent.

If it's really
You that this life is about,
Am I really needed?
Am I really wanted?

Yet the echoes of the quest go on.
Your answers feel like algae converting light to feed my days with
Hope that you embrace me, with
Fear that it will end when I still owe you  promises.

I can't answer it clearly until today.

It becomes like a love story
In which falling in love is either inserted with broken-hearted acceptance or ended with broken hearted let-go.

That I live for
You, because of
You, in
You, through
You is a journey between a lover longing for the beloved who might care but care; who might love but hate, who might exist but not exist.

Have you ever thought what this life is for? I said yes and yes and yes to
You, and for
You.

Guidance

Amouge, Guidance – it’s about you guiding me to you

bought it when in Sydney

slided the box out of the outer cover

one of my best gift to myself – a scent that guides

Heart

Learning, Poetic, This Person
My heart is a garden
Where flowers are nodding to butterflies and ladybugs
That need a ride to play.

My heart is a pond
Where lilies spread their pads to dragonflies and frog
That stop to meditate.

My heart is a cave
Where treasures are hidden from
eyes and ears
That crave for secrets.

My heart is an ocean
Where space is containing depth and width
That hug the abyss.

My heart is a home
Where songs are waiting for rhythms and rhymes
That long for a voice.

dear heart, be fragrant even when it’s around bad odor ♥️

A Door

Learning, life, Poetic
A door, Beloved
Your way I take to enter
The way of loving--

some people said to me directly and some indirectly “my way or no way”

my life is like one-way highway with no U-turn with which the choice is chosen by itself, go ahead and that’s it! when I choose my way, the way becomes bumpy and muddy and not safe,

so I’ve never really thought about my way

letting it be instructed through my heart and follow Life’s way

so when some ask “my way or no way”, I’ll smile and think

maybe those people’s life has been so easy and smooth that all their way is running without any interruption or alteration or even 100% negotiation

maybe

but I again just smile and try to understand while waiting whose way is winning

Gift

Learning, love, Poetic
A gift, Beloved
Wrapped with a curled pink ribbon
For all that she loves--

my life is a gift that I share with those close around me

my gift might not be expensive but it’s the best I can present

when time is up, I hope all that I love will have received the blessing I silently promise to share with them

♥️

Home

Learning, Poetic
A home, Beloved
Where heart hums to see beauty
In just greenery--

this is where my long weekend resides (Jogja, where Mount Merapi & Prambanan Temple are pinned)

where I bike & walk in my free time, Singapore greenery

Changi Terminal 2, the airport that I mostly take off to fly out before always coming back to my second home, Singapore

The Sun

Learning, love, Poetic
What if the sun never rises again?
I might also lose my sunflowers.
The yellow in my life fades away,
With the calming breathing at the end.

At least I love, Beloved,
At least I've loved
You so much.

Clarity

Learning, Poetic, This Person
Clarity, my love
Is silence that loudly says
About who you are.

some people talk about honesty as if honesty is falling hair of theirs – nothing but waste….

…. not because honesty doesn’t mean anything; yet because they claim being honest but actually lying.

once I thought you were this, and your signs said you were this until all birds then messengers coming saying that you are that….

honesty saves everyone’s time….

1) when honesty is about dishonesty

2) when it is the talking of the walk

3) when it is the walking of the talk

🙃

so clear to me, after meeting a friend yesterday

☺️

A Gift

Learning, Poetic, This Person
A gift, Beloved
Breeze bringing a good fragrance
Keeping me with you.

I bought a box of gift for myself – perfume 💗

patchouli is one of my favourite fragrances, it is mostly harvested in Indonesia — there’s a documentary about how patchouli farmers are ‘exploited” for perfume industry

I’m cruelly aware that my liking to scent is making me part of the exploitation. What should I do?

….thinking in awareness & with compassion

If I’m To Be

Learning, love, Map It!

If I’m to be a somewhere,

I’d love to be a flower garden

Where butterflies walk their life cycles;

A river bank

Where dragonflies daydream on the grass tips;

A pond

Where frogs get sleepy on the water lily pads;

A forest edge

Where fireflies breathe peacefully;

A meadow

Where silence and crowd collide;

A space

Where you only live to love.

Locked

Learning, Poetic, This Person
It's locked, Beloved.
Hiding from those not wanted,
Enjoying close doors.

I put my Instagram account back to private from being public. I am not a public figure and not selling anything so why should it be in public mode?

Actually when being public, the account started getting random people following me (although I removed them right away). Not those I wish to follow me 😁

WordPress is still the best platform where I can rant about the public policy and service in my country without being questioned “why are you talking about thing you don’t know?” and whisper about my silent journey within.

Needing some time to stay submerged–

wanting my back garden door in this colour 😍 the one between Japanese garden and the back yard

Me Married? (cheerful)

Learning, Poetic, This Person
it's where two sweet hearts
meeting in a quiet meadow
to sing together

(haiku about an ideal marriage of mine)

When I was a high schooler I wanted to get married at 25. At 35 broken-hearted decided to be single forever; at 45 re-opened myself to any possibility–

While in my culture talking about romance or wishing to get married at my age is considered a shame, I proceed. I’m a human being— if they do, why not me? I’m so comfortable to say this even thinking it out loud in front of family and friends; and they were the one sometimes would feel less comfortable and tell me to be calm.

I’m calm and not in a hurry chasing anyone. I”m just so relaxed. I’m accepting the fact that wanting something will not affect my state of being thankful-to-be-me if what’s wanted doesn’t happen. At this point my thought is if I’m getting married, I’m happy getting married. If I’m not, I am happy not getting married.

Last Monday I watched a podcast in which Raline Shah was interviewed by Dave Hendrik & Iwet Ramadhan (my favourite duo the DVET) in YouTube. She highlighted what I’ve thought about for so long in life (maybe also what’s been thought about by many female single around me). 

And these are some loved statements of hers shareable to you all:

“I want us to still get married but I want to have faith that even if I have this job also be with you. So sometimes this independence creates insecurity in the man I date…”

It was about her stance on her own dream and the man she dated who wanted her to be just a wife instead of a woman with career.

“I would love to compromise my life. I would love to compromise my dreams because getting married is also another dream but I just don’t feel that in your natural state, does that person love you? …. They don’t really like you, they’re just in love with you.”

It was when she was asked if she would compromise her dream for marriage. This is truly a beautiful statement.

“Just be yourself para jomblo. Do what you like, …. And see who likes you for that version of you.”

Yes, being one’s self is a must. Oscar Wilde said “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken“.

I hope all single people especially ladies in my culture (or other culture resembling mine) decide to get married or not because of their own choice, not because of no choice. It sounds utopic but it is what it is.

Cheerio, dear me!

Note: jomblo: single (not married) person

Iwet Ramadhan, Raline Shah, Dave Hendrik

Duality, Unity, O

Learning, life, love, Map It!, Poetic, This Person
One, two, Beloved,
Numbers to start a journey
To the zero point.

With ageing I am able to feel the surge of high energy I experienced before. With broken heart I’m so thankful that I’ve got love in this heart. With thirst I appreciate how freshness of water cures me. With the stuck in the head I become more and more familiar that flowing is the only way to love. With scarcity I can grow sense of gratitude with even just a little hope in life.

It’s you. Yes, it’s you. None other but you that makes me. None other but you that puts meaning on the word me. None other but you that moves all this life within me.

How can I be feeling so detached….

If you are the one attaching in all my senses?

If you are the one behaving with this corpse?

If you are the one drawing a circle for me to circumambulate until the two dots meet?

If you are the one?

I surrender. I retreat.

To

You.

Heart Journey

Learning, life, Poetic, This Person
Your plodding footsteps
Call me to keep this journey
To where sunrise is.

Wherever I go as long as I’m following my honesty, I’m meeting with you.

I’ve tried denying that life is just a matter of birth to death & struggling between those two, but no life is not that indeed — pain is inevitable but suffering is optional so I prefer put always lightheartedness and useful meaning to steps of life.

One day which is today I plant my believe more deeply as I also believe that this tree of life is not only one growing for a while; this tree of life needs strong & stubborn roots to support itself to the end of universe life.

Thank you for this beautiful life, Beloved. Whatever I’ve gone through is beauty that leads me to the reality of life:

You

I’m Saved, Are You?

Learning, Poetic, Those People
There are ways
For those hiding
To stay hidden.
There are ways
For those running
To keep running.
There are ways
For those struggling
To forever struggle.
They say they do it
For those they love.
They claim they do it
For those they care.
They pledged they do it
For those they respect.
Is it true?
Words can lie.
Numbers can manipulate.
Silence can cover.
Yet eyes can't bury
What's sliding with tears
On the face of reality.

Don't lie to me
Honesty saves everyone's time.
I have no time
To have fun
If fun is your way to hide
Your true face from me.
Save yourself
By letting go
Off the masks
That you wear even when alone.
Let it fall off
And I will stride away
With a lot of pray.

Gurindam 12 (only Bahasa Indonesia)

Learning, Poetic

Gurindam is a form of ancient poem of (old) Malay.

Gurindam 12 (twelve gurindam(s)) is a set of gurindam composed by Raja Ali Haji in 1847. Raja Ali Haji was a poet born in Pulau Penyengat, Kepulauan Riau, Indonesia in 1808. He is one of national heroes of Indonesia.

I read it back then in junior high school when comprehension was not really well obtained. I wish to fully understand this gurindam before time is up.

Enjoy….

Satellite

Learning, This Person
Will it be possible to not long for you? I'm  a satellite following you with measured distance, a constant give-and-take or push-and-pull.

Am I a moon to you the earth? Are you the earth to me the sun? Am I the sun to you the centre of the galaxy? Are you the galaxy to me the black hole? Or are you the moon to me the earth? Am I the earth to you the sun? Are you the sun to me the galaxy? Am I the galaxy to you the black hole? So and so.... We are revolving each other through layers or orbits just to find one self.

How beautiful how we position to each other truly is! Traveling together in a journey that we both silently know, religiously follow. It's the you that's me, it's the you that's you.

Jazz Up Your Day!

Learning

I found years ago that life is originally like this: flat, neutral, tasteless. It’s just life.

Then I realised that if I kept myself a log in a river, I would be deadly drifted before sinking somewhere unknown. And so I decided to be the river, a flowing river: moving as the stream not the one rolled by the stream.

So I put meanings: chosen meanings to my life. So I put some creativity (not much): little innovation to make my life more comfortable. So I put generosity: small sharing with those I care. So I put a pinch of drama: with which I concoct secret love with you & by which no one is disturbed. So I put jazz: relaxed beats in life that make me feel so much alive.

For those enjoying jazz, either music or vibe!

April 30 is International Jazz Day

It’s All Yours

Learning, This Person
At times it's hard to deal with what's factual
Yet I talk to the face in the mirror:
Aren't all these present by your previous decisions?
Or do you regret of taking what considered best by then?

Nothing is in vain.
There's always a trail I can trace back: choices and decisions I made.

What lesson?
Now don't regret. Tomorrow don't repeat the same mistakes. Yesterday is always valuable lesson. Never (again) blame others.

Is that what's truly it? Maybe just for me, not for everyone.